My girlfriend was raped by her babysitter when she was 6. no one knows but me, not even her parents. what should i do? and i keep getting mad bc idk y someone would do that. she is now 17 and the person who molested her still lives in our city

I am a therapist who has frequently worked with children who have been abused. If she does not deal with this now, it isn't going to go away. As she gets older and marries and has her own children, her feelings and thoughts regarding the rape will only get stronger. She absolutely needs to seek professional help. I would suggest she goes to her school counselor or social worker (assuming she is still in high school) so she can be referred for therapy. If she is in college, most colleges provide free counseling to students.

What should YOU do?

First of all, get a grip on yourself. Getting mad over an event which happened 11 years ago to someone other than yourself is not healthy, nor is it a desired thing.

I'm not saying you cannot sympathize with your girlfriend, or that you be apathic about it. I'm saying for YOU it's something that happened more than a decade ago and didn't involve you directly. Your objectivity and shoulder are far more valuable than anger and rash action.

SHE is the person, if anyone, who needs to do something. If she has never come to terms with it, told anyone else, or been given counseling, this is something SHE needs to handle. NOT YOU.

You may, of course, encourage her. You may even be a part of whatever counseling and such she receives IF she asks or IF a counselor recommends it.

But SHE is the one who must ultimately deal with it.

Now, an additional thing or two to consider here:

I don't know you or your girlfriend from Adam. (Or Eve, as the case may be.) So take the following with a grain of salt and either ignore it because you don't think it applies or because you refuse to consider it as a possibility.

Did the the event REALLY take place?

Why did I ask that question? Because it turned out my first wife was, among other things, quite the liar. She would say and do whatever she felt she had to in order to get whatever it was she felt she wanted or needed. She had absolutely no qualms about making up stories about abuse, her education, her job history, even who the real father of two of our children were.

And, over the course of many years, I've come to recognize this trait in several other people. (Women aren't the only ones either, by a long shot.) These people are out there...they are real and they cause no end of problems through their actions.

This probably makes me come across as someone who thinks everyone who ever accused someone of sexually abusing them as a liar. Not so. I fully realize that many people who make such claims are totally honest. Unfortunately, those who fake it cloud the issues for those who really suffered such tragedies.

But such people DO exist. And I want you to be aware of this when you consider your anger towards the person who supposedly committed this heinous act. YOU don't need to allow yourself to lose control, regardless of whether it actually happened or not. But to lose control and later find out you were wrong is a bad, bad thing.

Your prioritites are:

1. Be there to support her.
2. Encourage her to seek counseling. A professional counselor knows how to deal with the emotional issues AND can advise how to go about seeking legal help. An attorney can address the same issues in reverse: provide legal help AND advice on how to go about seeking psychological counseling.
3. Assess whether or not she is in any danger from this person NOW. If so, advise her to seek appropriate help for this as well. (It doesn't sound like any immediate danger, though.) If danger is imminent, take appropriate LEGAL steps. DON'T take actions into your own hands unless you have absolutely no other recourse.

Try to gently persuade her to talk to a counslor or therapist. A counslor who has experience in treatment of survivors of childhood sexual abuse will better be able to work with her until she is ready to do more. Please understand that it is common for survivors of sex abuse to not tell anyone about the abuse for years after or even never. This is often due to a sense of shame or fear. There are emotional scars that need healing for her before she will be capable of confronting the abuser in a more direct way by pressing charges or by letting others know. Purchase a copy of "The Courage to Heal" for her. Purchase a copy of "Allies in healing" for yourself.

My first impulse is to tell you that if she doesn't want to press charges, then that's her decision and you should respect it. But then I remember that this guy could have done it to other young girls, or could still being doing it, and there is a certain moral obligation to try to prevent that from happening and come forward, if not for herself than for others. If she told you now, after all these years, it might be a signal that it's been increasingly on her mind and that she needs to talk about it and maybe even wants to come forward deep down, and you can help her with that. She probably chose to tell you because she trusts you a lot, but ALSO because you're someone who didn't know the babysitter (I assume). It can be a LOT harder to tell your parents stuff like this, so I'm not so surprised she came to you, an outsider to the family, rather than a relative.

This and all allegations like this should be taken very seriously, due to the mental health implications to the victim, the risk of a repeat offender, and the freedom of a potentially innocent man. I don't say that to doubt the story, but a traumatic event at age 6 can sometimes get confused in the mind, and she might have been raped by someone else (perhaps a friend of the family or even a family member) and genuinely believes it was the babysitter. I honestly don't remember much of anything before the age of 9 or 10 around when my brother was born. I also hate to bring up the possibility that, since she never told anyone about it for all these years, that it's a cry for help or attention. I once dated a girl who actually had rape FANTASIES that she wanted me to roleplay with her (always grossed me out and I refused to do it), and I've known people (of both genders) who have lied about some pretty serious things (deaths of parents or siblings, having attempted or being about to commit suicide when they never did, even once having a degenerative disease). Believe me, I am the last one to argue we need to force the victim to defend themselves, but I only point it out as a possibility so that you keep it in mind and don't do anything drastic or hasty, and make sure at every step along the way you have HER consent before doing anything or saying anything to anyone. Also, I strongly recommend just being supportive, and NOT doubting her, just being there for her the way she needs. Just keep in the back of your head that childhood trauma can be a tricky thing. Does she seem emotional or traumatized by it? At the very least advise her to seek counselling. It can only help.

You may want to disguise your style of writing.

It's the same as when you were an Anonymous poster formerly known as Anonymous.

Just my 02... maybe it's not an issue for you *shrug* who knows.

There will be a statute of limitations that starts ticking when she reaches 18, so please encourage her to get a free consultation with a lawyer about whether she should do something about it. She doesn't know it now, but her therapy bills could mount up in years to come. The sooner she gets some help the less f*** up she will be. NOTE: There are lawyers that will handle this on a contingency basis, meaning that only if you win do you pay him or her anything from the proceeds.

Also, the average molester rapes 78 children, so it is vital that this awful person be stopped now. He has already hurt many others since your girlfriend was hurt. There may be medical problems but emotional ones for sure. Please do something.

she needs to talk to someone about this, pressing charges will have to wait until she decides its what is right.

She's going to need help - Counseling , Therapy whatever along those lines. And to let this "man" run loose - probably re offending is not a good idea in the least. You need to help her : with love and patients rethink her position Focusing on what he is probably doing STILL to other girls and maybe boys...These pedophiles don't change
the continue to abuse kids ruining their lives, in the respect of low self esteem , they
blame themselves for the abuse. So, Guilt. And changes their personality . Now, Take her aside and tell her what I've said - in your own way let her know that this guy is a danger to other little girls and by coming forward she can stop him and keep girls in his
path safe - cause he'll be locked away . Other than the Police and her Parents NO ONE
will know,,,You've been a stand-up guy by keeping this between you two. She should
trust you and continue that trust by listening to you NOW ! Also discuss how nice it will be to finally 'open-up' and talk to a trained professional who will listen to everything she has to say, really listen ...That alone is part of the healing , Then she'll help her with her details of how this has effected her.And keep in mind : if she's not at ease with this therapist move on ...til she is comfortable with 1 she can relax around and say anything to.My own sister was raped by a gang.So...I know a little about this. I'm so sorry this had happened to her. My heart goes out to her.But be genital and kind , make sure you are trying hard to be supportive.
And Please have her Stop this creature and get help. I'll bet he's been in trouble for this and if he's out now : this will put him away for good. You're a Great B/f and don't let her down. may God Bless You Both ! PM me if you want to talk ...O.K.?

Well, does she want to press chanrges? Does she want this person to pay for what they've done? If she wants justice, then she needs to tell someone. There is a statue of limitations running and eventually, she won't be able to do anything about it.