- NEW!
by Byhtomit on July 11th, 2009
Well, u can't have one without the other unless you want to kidnap someone and turn them into a slave for you. Part of being a submissive is that their mentality is one of getting emotional pleasure by being a servant/slave. It's a measure of responsiblity tied with a desire to be physically/emotionally hurt. For the submissive, there is no way not to feel emotional pleasure when they are being a servant/slave to their Master/Mistress.
However, you could find out what your submissive fears the most and use that "threat" as a way to get them to serve you without it being emotionally pleasurable for him, at least initially. Like anything else, especially them being submissive, they can adjust to it so that the fear doesn't impact them any longer. This really comes into play when you so signs of being pleased by what they are doing and rewarding them accordingly. If you didn't reward them (even by saying 'thank you') and didn't show any sign of emotion at what they did for you, then you could make it an endless task for them to do, always trying to please you, but never knowing if they did or not, thus making it a serving task with no pleasure for them.
If you had someone that wasn't a submissive, or even a Dominate, and you had them serving you, then it would also be for the sake of your entertainment, not for theirs.
How to tell my best friend I want to be her sex slave?
by meowmeowpurrpurr on October 25th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
Do ameture femdom exist in India, who perform BDSM,Golden showers,facesitting,riding human pony etc.?
by pinkmasoc on October 28th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
can a master that is single have a submissive that is married?
by Ms.Shaun on October 27th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
Still a BDSM noob. Ideas please?
by meowmeowpurrpurr on November 3rd, 2011
| 1 person likes this
Is there a difference between I Dom & a Master? Are they the same thing?
by Ms.Shaun on October 30th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
You're reading How can a Mistress train her sub to truly serve her instead of him obeying her for his own pleasure?
Your favorite Q&A site is on Facebook! Become a fan to connect with the ever-growing community of Answerbaggers, share your thoughts and find out what Answerbag's up to next!
Comments
Thank you for you answer - it has help clarify things for me.
From you answer above, it may be that I did not phrase my real question correctly.
Maybe, "How to turn someone who submits (but really maintains control and stops when it no longer suits them) into a slave who only stops when his Mistress wants?"
by JoLO on July 11th, 2009
Well, then you have to take away their ability to control the situation. A good way to do this is to tie them up and/or blindfold them so they have little or no control over what is happening. In the BDSM world, they have whole head coverings that lock into place, covering everything except their mouth and nose, leaving them blind and unable to get away from it.
by Byhtomit on July 11th, 2009
Another aspect that you can try is denial of service. They say that they want to be submissive, but they are afraid of letting go, so they retain control. Entice them with something they want, but make it available only after they do something that they don't want to do. An example of this would be if you had a heterosexual man as a submissive and they wanted to have sex with you. You would tell them that you'll have sex with them, but only if (or after - your choice) they suck another man's cock until the man orgasms. If he wants you badly enough, especially if you are masturbating or doing something else sexual while it is happening.
by Byhtomit on July 11th, 2009
Alternatively, you could deny him any kind of sexual release and pleasure until he does something that pushes his submissive boundaries. Another example would be if you decided to have another lover and denied your submissive any pleasure of hearing or seeing you sexually until he was willing to be completely submissive, then you could continue to enjoy sex until he gave in.
It's all a matter of finding the reward that would entice him enough to overcome his fear of letting go.
by Byhtomit on July 11th, 2009
I think I understand all this but I am not sure it is the answer I am looking for. It seems to be just finding a reward for the sub to obey.
What I am after is how to turn them into a slave who's only desire is to do what the Mistress wants. Pleasing her would be his only reward. That kind of slave denies his own desires and replaces them with the desires of his Mistress.
I think that what you describe is all to common and is more like the sub is in control because he only has to choose to do things to get what he wants.
Does that make sense?
Thank you for all your thoughts and help - I appreciate your time and effort
by JoLO on July 11th, 2009
Yes, I understand what you are saying and yes, it is a reward for the slave. However, you can't teach anyone anything by doing only what you want unless they are a completely blank slate. You need to start with the reward system so that they learn to let go of the control. Once the control is gone, then you can ask them to do things because you want them to, not because of any reward they get. It's a form of mind conditioning, teaching them that they are no longer in control and whatever you say is what will be.
by Byhtomit on July 11th, 2009
Thank you very much - I think I get it now.
I wanted to know because I am a male sub who definitely likes to be in control - I often serve online but I recognise that I maintain that control.
I have met a rl Mistress and she says that she likes to take a sub on a journey from the place where he is in control, through point where he defies and reach the point where he begs for pain just to please her.
This got me wondering about submission and control and wanted to understand it more. Thank you very much.
by JoLO on July 12th, 2009