ANSWERS: 60
  • No of course its not wrong. I would even go so far as to say it is necessary. if they cant give up the person that they cheated with they dont deserve to be with you. to be hones i think your being to nice even giving that person a second chance.
  • You should expect the one you're with to respect your wishes. If you can not take that friendship, your partner should do as you ask. I'd be pissed if my partner did that. Ultimatum, hell yeah!
  • No. But it will be a very hard thing to do and to stick to. Make sure you CAN leave before issueing it, it will hurt, but not as much as it will hurt to be cheated on again - or endure the constant pain of mistrust and jealousy as you wonder where s/he is or who s/he is with and what s/he is doing...
  • No it is not wrong
  • and you stayed with them? sheesh !
  • Give the ultimatum, unless you like having it thrown in your face all the time. They are acting extremely insensitive at best.
  • Yes. Unless you are prepared to carry out your ultimatum. I would tell you to get lost.
  • The cheating partner should stop all contact with that person. Otherwise how would they be able to show, to prove that they are sincerely sorry and won't do it again? They are the one that did wrong, so it's up to them to bend over backwards to set matters right again, including getting them out of their lives for good.
  • I think its the right thing to do.
  • No its not wrong, to tell you the truth you are better than I because I would have kicked them to the curb when I found out they were still talking
  • If they cheated they would no longer be a partner, so it's not an issue.
  • I think this is a trickier question, probably requiring more than a yes or no answer, which is probably why you are asking it in the first place instead of just acting on it. What I think is: I can understand why you would be extremely hurt and disappointed by the situation, and it's true that it would take you a long time to forgive, while you would probably never forget. You might harbor extreme resentment or even hatred toward the person your partner cheated on you with, and it is understandable that you want to make these rules in order to protect yourself from getting hurt in the future. However, I think that you have to think this over a little more before acting. If you really love your partner, you might want to stay together anyway. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't express your needs and work on relationship issues and trust, which might take a while to build up again. But if you can try to trust your partner and not tell her or him to get rid of the friend they cheated on you with, they might get less angry with you, feel less like you're being overpossessive, and try to earn the trust you're giving them. Good luck with whatever you do!
  • You know u are brave to even let him back in, most ppl wouldn't. Now if he doesn't count himself lucky in that, and doesn't like the fact that u ask them to stop seeing each other, you have every reason to leave him. He wasn't able to control himself before what are the chances he will next time? He obviously doesn't love u enough to consider ur feelings and doesn't deserve ur love back.
  • no...but why is s/he still your partner?
  • what?? no its not wrong. You shouldnt even have to ask. If this person really "mended" their selfish and hurtful ways, they would not desire contact with the person they betrayed you with. This is a really, REALLY bad sign for you. I would skip the ultimatum and be gone...this person obviously doesnt give a damn about you.
  • I dont think its wrong at all, if your prepared to give him another chance after HE cheated on you with this girl, i think he should have figured before you having to tell him so to never speak to her again! If he can't respect that completely fair wish on your part, he's definitly not worth keeping.
  • No its not wrong at all! If I was forgiving enough to give someone a second chance after cheating, I would make it clear that if they saw that person again they would be out the door!
  • You must be the most naive and brain-washed kid I know. if your guy is still friends with the hoe, kick him off your life. No negotiations about it. The cheating alone was reason enough to get rid off him and a very gracious (or desperate) act of forgiving him BUT in return, he perpetaully hurting you by still having contact with this hoe? You must be nuts! It's not such a leap to think that they probably still Fxxx like rabbits behind your back. You're being treated like a door-mat kid. Just leave that mess of a relationship.
  • Sounds more than reasonable to me.
  • Ha ha! My, my, my...the games we play...
  • Well, right or wrong, I would be out of there so fast.
  • Absolutely not. If your partner is still friends with him/her, then they still haven't learned. Dump 'em.
  • HELL NO! There is absolutely no reason why they should even have contact with someone they cheated on you with because then always in your head its going to be like you think they are cheating again, if your s/o had any sort of respect for the relationship they would take it upon themselfs to stop talking to that "friend"
  • Why the ultimatum? You've already been cheated on here. Sorry to break it to you, but the damage is already done. Your future together will never be as nice as you had planned now. What you're doing is called bargaining, it's a natural part of the grieving process. It suggests you know deep down that you've already lost this one. This person may still be present, but they will never really be the same to you. You know too much about them now. A person who cannot give up one night of supposedly meaninless sex to keep you around is someone who will never really sacrafice anything for you at all. You'll see what I'm saying in time.
  • What is wrong, is that you are staying with a person who cheated on you and disrespected you and continues to disrespect you by continuing seeing the person he cheated on you with. Please learn to think better of yourself, why in the world would you want this person?
  • no it is not wrong...this is basically a test to see how much they love you...if they dont stop just move on
  • I don't think it would be wrong to say...enough is enough...I'm VERY SURE...I wouldn't be happy with this...and I KNOW my partner wouldn't either... It's not very considerate for your feelings, for them to stay friends with that person...lots of nice folks out there to be friends ONLY with...
  • This is def an issue in my relationship. I've been with my partner for a year and a half, he's 19 and I'm 36. We met and it started as just a 'hookup', afterwards we started seeing each other regularly and I let him know that if he wanted to be with me I wouldn't except him dealing with guys that he had met and with whom I knew he at some point hooked up with. In my presense he deleted all info (numbers, emails etc...). I had met 2 friends of his one of whom he dated. After finding this out I made my presense known to his friend and he told me that they dated for 3 months but he wasn't interested cause he's a strict bottom and my bf is vers bottom. I have to admit the guy is very nice so I don't worry at all about him. I worry about my bf cheating because of the nature of how we met. He has told me that he has found a special guy who he doesn't want to loss. I feel like he had been looking for that someone who's me. He worries more about me cheating then anything else. But if your guy is cheating then he doesn't really care for you and I would def get out of the relationship and find that special someone who's meant for you. I would bet they're still friends cause they still hook up and he's trying to have his cake and eat his pie at the same time.
  • NO SANE PERSON WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT! It's not wrong... it's so so right! Why would that ever be okay for them to be friends with the person they cheated on you with? I wouldn't ever stand for that.
  • no. by choosing to cheat they choose the consequences of that which includes loss of trust and suspician of friends of the opposite sex and the inability to remain friends with the individual they betrayed your trust with. that said you would be an idiot not to be more upset with the person who betrayed your trust than the person they betrayed you with.
  • I would of left anyway.. Friends?? ha ha!! If your partner has already cheated, why are you still with them?
  • No, it is not wrong to ask your partner to stop being friends with the other person. ultimatums often backfire on the person giving it so that may not be a good idea to do. there is another alternative and it may be hard to do, but make this friend a friend of yours as well. Invite them to dinner, invite the friend to go places with both of you. This is a kind of reverse pshchology. By befriending them they are no longer a threat. and your partner will loose interest in them. there is another possibility as well and you may not like this one unless you really think about it and want to really save your marriage and or partner...but look into polyamory it may possibly also be an answer that will help both of you... If nothing works, then give the ultimatum and let the chips fall where they may; just watch out for flying objects!
  • Honestly, I would think they would know to do that on their own, since they should know that you wouldn't be able to trust them around that person again. But no, it's not wrong. They betrayed your trust, and that person was directly involved in that, so you have a right to ask them not contact the person that was involved. And logically...how can they expect you to trust them if they stay in contact with the person *after* having cheated with them once?
  • If they cheated, you should already be long gone.
  • It is wrong to allow that sort of situation to continue. It is totally unacceptable. Don't waste your life on such a man.
  • Emotional connections and closeness will remain between your partner and this person they cheated on you with. I think what you are asking of your partner is only fair. As many have said it would be difficult for you to trust them with this person again. If you both wanted an open relationship things would be different, but this is not the case. Your partner has to want to maintain a relationship with only you in order for this to work. I think that some couples are able to be swingers, but not all. From what I hear most people just end up getting hurt. Good Luck, I hope you are able to do what is best for you as a person.
  • You can't force their behavior. All you can do is control your own behavior. You either are willing to be in a relationship with somebody who continues to have a relationship with somebody they cheated with, or you aren't. Figure out how you feel about it and then act. Ultimatums are never the answer.
  • Trust is a choice you make. The consequences are usually not up to you no matter what.
  • Never mind the person my partner cheated on me with. I don't accept cheating in any way, shape, or form; that I would not forgive. For there can be no reconcilation thereafter as far as I'm concerned. I would get away from her very fast and very far, and they both can have each other for all I care.
  • Absolutely not. My partner came very close to cheating on me with another woman about 7 months ago. Even though she didn't actually cheat I still told her that if the girl wasn't out of her life the next day, i definitely would be. She cut off all contact with the girl and I still ask her if she has talked to her from time to time just to make sure. You should never have to go through that and do not deserve to be treated that badly. For me, getting rid of the person was a necessary step toward forgiving her and getting over what had happened.
  • No it's not wrong but i believe you should give him another chance
  • Not wrong.
  • "CHEATED ON U WITH", "FRIENDS", "ULTIMATUM"! U do the math. U are not wrong by far. Dont settle for this nonsense. U will never have peace of mind. Never ever ever.
  • I think its wrong that you ALLOW it.
  • Absolutely. I might even consider leaving the person for the mere reason, that He/She didn't break this "friendship" without being prompted, simply out of respect. Not to say, probably if the partner cheated on me, that would be over. If You're even asking these things I would consider whether You have any self-respect.
  • its okay to ask him and tell him what your thinking .
  • I don't think you should be with anyone who cheats on you in the first place.
  • It is wrong for them to still have contact, clearly they have another agenda, if my bf cheated on me and i found out he would be history. I will not stay with him - you very brave, careful you dont set yourself up for big heart break.
  • No thats not wrong. They should have NO contact with their ex at all. I would leave them anyways.
  • Ultimatum? The way to always deal with such dilemmas always starts and ends with YOU. You can not control someone else. If you cannot accept your "partner" the way he/she is, then you need to move on.
  • He cheated...you need to find someone new! Someone who will love you and not run around on you!
  • Hell, no!
  • No, it is deff not wrong to ask that of him/her. It makes a lot of since.
  • Of course. Its a repectful manner, and if they dont, they obviously dont care enough about you which means u shouldnt be with them.
  • Nope. That seems perfectly reasonable. If a cheater cheated on the person they supposedly “loved” they didn’t truly love their significant other in the first place.
  • hell no. ultimatem all the way
  • Yes, absolutely
  • If ever the meaning of innappropriate applies...........it definitely applies here.
  • It's wrong for your partner to cheat and then to rub your nose in that cheating by remaining "friends" with their cheat partner. Frankly, I think I'd leave now and tell him I might be back if he stops seeing that person...or maybe not!
  • No, its not wrong at all. Why does your partner keep seeing that person anyway? If the tables had turned and you would have cheated, your partner sure woulnd't like you seeing your ex!! Trust me. Gandhi said an eye for eye makes the world blind, very true. After much confusion and damage, it's good to break it off. Good Luck.

Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy