by Anonymous on March 3rd, 2007

Anonymous

Question

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My exboyfriend moved back from Europe after 16 years. We were born at the exact same time and were soul mates. He broke my heart by leaving and finding another, and now he is home and wants to get together with me. We are both married. What would you do?

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Answers. 14 helpful answers below.

  • by SalientAlien on March 3rd, 2007

    SalientAlien

    Remember your wedding vows and decide if they mean anything to you.

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  • by WHITE BEAR on March 4th, 2007

    WHITE BEAR

    Both stay in the married relationships. Normally getting back together with an ex is a flurry of emotions and passions that will or may well burn out quite quickly. So if you both leave your marriages, and then things dont work out four people get hurt and two marriages probably destroyed.
    There will always be residual emotions and passions towards an ex, and myself from experience can say that is doesnt work out, and that you would do well to be with what you have today and leave the past to rest.
    You can at least acknowledge whatever you may both feel or not feel, but then I would leave it at that. There is always the temptation to pursue something enticing and exciting outside of the marriage but it will be short lived and you may well regret it afterwards and cause a lot of hurt in the process.

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  • by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on March 3rd, 2007

    Sheriff Raff  -Answerhag

    Tell him to go screw off.

    He only wants to get you in bed. If he broke your heart once why would you give him a second chance to break it again. Stay away from him.

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  • by Anonymous on March 3rd, 2007

    Anonymous

    Each of you have other husband and wives and children to think about, other than yourselves.

    Sometimes, you have to live with wanting something and knowing all along, it will not work.

    Keep your memories of the past. Look forward and not backwards.

    Any meeting, with an old flame, can destroy your families future.

    Its not recommended.

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  • by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on March 3rd, 2007

    Sheriff Raff  -Answerhag

    Tell him to go screw off.

    He only wants to get you in bed. If he broke your heart once why would you give him a second chance to break it again. Stay away from him.

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  • by nevets - badgicide on March 3rd, 2007

    nevets - badgicide

    I don't know because I have never been in your situation... but you have to think carefully.

    You are in a marriage. You have made a commitment to someone you love... or at-least that is what a marriage is supposed to be.

    Take your ex out of the equation for a moment. How would you feel your husband said that his soul mate came back from another country and now he wants a divorce?

    You are the only person who can decide what to do, but I think you know what is right.

    Remember that being friends with your ex is also an option.

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  • by bagless77 on March 3rd, 2007

    bagless77

    I would meet with him and talk. Let your spouse know that you are doing this. Make it very clear that the dinner or coffee or whatever is to say goodbye and then let it be. It would be silly to go back. You have lived 16 years without him and can easily live another 16. However, it would be wise to meet and give yourself a chance to really say goodbye so you don't torture yourself with why you never did.

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  • by emelee on March 3rd, 2007

    emelee

    If that were me, I would definitely say no. Nothing would make me get together with him again.

    But since it's not, I say you think it over.
    1) Is he worth it???
    2) Are you willing to leave your husband?
    3) How would you feel if he broke your heart AGAIN?

    And if you have children, this would make it worse.

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  • I would stop and think of what he did to me and ask myself if i would give up a good life with my husband and open myself to been dumped or disrepected by my ex.again.

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  • by Anonymous on October 28th, 2008

    Anonymous

    I recently made this mistake. I'm a mess now...I'm considering leaving my husband and looking at a really long road ahead. The same situation with the exception he didn't break my heart, I moved away and he couldn't get $ (We were 19) to come where I was and we eventually lost touch but he is my soul mate I'm sure of that. I love him so much and I now that I saw him again, I miss him terribly and I it feels so wrong. My husband has no clue this is happening and he doesn't deserve that. I'm trying now to steady my nerve to tell him the truth but this is an aweful feeling.

    I wouldn't recommend seeing him not unless your ready to accept the consequences of your actions because they could be disasterous....Good luck with your choice.

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  • by mystified on March 3rd, 2007

    mystified

    There is no reason for a married person to be meeting another for social functions (movies, dinner, etc.). To do so is to set the stage for disaster. If you do, you're only kidding yourself....you absolutely KNOW what it could lead to.

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  • by deferfergre on June 18th, 2009

    deferfergre

    I have been in this situation and it practically ruined my life. I dated my highschool sweet heart for 5 years, he was my first of everything. 7 years later we got back together while i was married and it was the worst events of my life. First of all people that are seperated for a long time and expecially as long as 16 years do not return the same person. You are more in love with the idea of him and what you had with him in the past. I'm sure 16 years ago you were more niave and had a completely different out look on love. All of that is going to change now. This is not a situation like that Hollywood movie the Notebook. In real life this turns out bad. What happen to me is my old highschool sweet heart could never trust me knowing that I had cheated on my husband even though it was only him. He was insainly jealous and sometime questioned if we were inlove with the idea of the old us that used to be. I ended up getting pregnant with his child while I was married and since i loved my husband also out of guilt and shame I would bring to our family I had an abortion it still haunt me to this day. Even though i went through all that , my stupid belief of "soul mate" and "true love" sent my dumb ass back to him again. I end up leaving my husband completely and moving in with that old flame right away and end up having my t,v smashed and glass vases thrown at me in the middle of the night and was walked out on for no explaination what so ever 5 times in 3 months. I was sooo stress I was hardly eatting and got fired from my job because I was depressed and withdrawn. Worst of all with the messy divorce seeing my son completely heartbroken at our broken family made me hate myself for being so selfish. I end up blowing that old flame out and tried to pick up the peieces but afterwards things only got worst. I lost my apartment and had to move in with my grandma a whole year of my life was wasted on chasing stupid passion and crazy beliefs. looking back I still was not happy with my husband but instead of doing what i did i should have been honest and left before cheating on him. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage then leave and get a divorce. But DO NOT CHEAT because it will hunt your relationship. Theres an old saying about getting something and hurting someone else to have it always goes sour. Trust me it is not worth it, If your husband is good to you leave that guy in your past and cut all ties to him no friendship no nothing and suck it up and go home and tell your husband that you passed the test and you see a long beauiful life with him.

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  • by sleepy kitty on March 3rd, 2007

    sleepy kitty

    He broke your heart and left you for 16 years.....him doing that should show that he is not your true soul mate, return the favor he did to you 16 years ago and break his heart....he deserves it....or at least make him work for you....if your already married, it's not fair to your husband to leave him for an ex boyfriend of 16 years ago.

  • by Jane_Doe on June 17th, 2009

    Jane_Doe

    You really need to determine your feelings for your husband and your feelings for this guy. If you love your husband, stay faithful.
    Also, remember that this man broke your heart. And people change over time. You may want to relive your time with him from 16 years ago, but are you certain that it's possible?

    I would recommend spending some time with him, but set very clear boundaries. If you find you're still "soul mates", you may want to consider restarting your relationship.
    However, I cannot condone adultery. If you're sure about him, consider divorce or at least telling your husband you're ending your relationship with him to pursue an old (new?) one. Have him say the same to his wife.

    Hope this helps.

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You're reading My exboyfriend moved back from Europe after 16 years. We were born at the exact same time and were soul mates. He broke my heart by leaving and finding another, and now he is home and wants to get together with me. We are both married. What would you do? - which can also be phrased in the following ways:

  • My exboyfriend moved back from Europe after 16 years. We were born at the exact same time and were soul mates. He broke my heart by leaving and finding another, and now he is home and wants to get together with me. We are both married. What would you do?

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