When relationships end abruptly, overnight, do you wonder if you did something? Even if you've been told you didn't do anything?

If anyone ever tells you, "It's not you, it's me". Take them at their word and consider it a blessing in disguise - because more often than not this is not an uncommon situation this person finds themself in - usually because they have some sort of unresolved issues that they are carrying around with them that they haven't dealt with yet nor do they intend on working on them any time soon - and they have reached the point in their relationship with you where they know from past experience they are unable to go any further - they are emotionally stunted in development - don't wrack your brain or otherwise knock yourself out trying to prove to them they are wrong and try to convince them to stay and work things out - you will only be doing yourself a huge disservice in the end. They know themselves better than you might think you do - and they are trying to warn you without coming right out and saying, "If this continues I am only going to end up hurting you". Don't try to figure it out for them either because they obviously aren't ready to face whatever they need to face in order to get better - just thank them for the good times and the warning and exit stage right.

Been there. I still wondered if I did enough. I know now that I gave everything I had to give which was myself completely. I know that it wasnt my fault and I have started to try and move on. He was the love of my life.

i think most people question themselves and look back on it and say 'could i have done it differently?' 'could i have been more understanding?' etc. but if you know you didn't do anything major like lying or cheating, then you should give yourself a break. if some offhand remark you made or even a blowout argument is the reason for someone dumping you overnight, you really, honestly, absolutely do not need that kind of person in your life anyway. chances are that they have deeper reasons that have to do with guilt over what they themselves have done wrong, and again, you don't need that bs either.

If I had just done something big that has affected the relationship, possibly. That has never happened to me though. I can sort of sense that something is going wrong before a relationship actually ends, so when it does it doesn't come as a huge surprise.

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I tend not to think of who is to blame. A relationship is about harmony between two people. If it ends you have to take as much good from the relationship with you as possible and acknowledge that the relationship has changed, or it's over.

In 1994 after I divorced I started dating this guy. We ended up dating 8 1/2 years. The last year we dated it was a little shaky but we still loved each other and had a great relationship. Then a few weeks before Christmas 2001 he started becoming very distant and we did not spend as much time together. On Christmas eve he came to see me and told me he needed space. That the relationship was not going anywhere and we both needed to move on. I was DEVASTATED!!! He was my whole world. To be honest it was a long, long time before I moved past the hurt...not sure if I am even now. I have moved on and married someone else but I can honestly say he affected we so deeply that I am not sure I will ever be able to be that close to someone again. WE ended abruptly and yes many nights I lay there driving myself crazy thinking what did I do, what did I not do....when in the end it did not matter..he and I were over. Don't obsess and stop living your life because the one person you want in it does not want to be there. You may never get the answer...I didn't.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Of course you will cross examine yourself, because you are a thinking and feeling human being. A breakup of this magnitude is a lot like a death. You go through all the grieving stages, and, finally, you go forward. Yes you do. It probably doesn't seem possible right now, and it isn't easy. The hardest part (for me anyway) is in recognizing that you are worthy of love and able to love. As you coss-examine yourself, remember that. It will get you through.

I have found that it is rarely of any value, in this particular situation, to rely on what I have been told. It is, of course, human nature to wonder.

First, I try to be introspective and examine why, how, and other questions that pop into ones mind after an abrupt breakup. The usual conclusion is that it just wasn't working. Then I move on. This sounds simple, but the reality is a breakup is rarely as easy as just moving on.

Wondering doesn't really help past the introspective stage--it just keep ones mind occupied with a lot of what ifs that are enough to drive a person mad. Take care of yourself, that is far more important than wondering. :)

If relationships end abruptly, without reason or cause, and you know for a fact you did not cheat or anything similar, then you know it's the other person, and you're probably better off without them.

Yes! This happened to me... except my ex told me it was 'all me' and that I was too clingy. Now I feel rather paranoid about how I act about people although I know deep down inside that I'm not really clingy and it was just an excuse. It still gets in your mind. I tend to over Analise our relationship trying to work out what I did wrong.

No, I would wonder if my 'partner' did something or was about to do something instead. Then I'd get down to the serious business of accepting that I liked them more than they liked me.

It's only natural to, but if they aren't mature enough to keep in contact with you for a while and support you one last time then they aren't worth questioning yourself about!

My breakup was overnight to me idk about the rest of the world. She said that she thought that we are better as friends but I really dont think so. It sucks and no one deserves it but its going to happen. I feel your pain.

Of course. Especially if there were no warning signs. Given time it will come out in the wash so to speak. Oh and chin UP! x

I would probably obsess over it for a week and then decide I am better off without the jerk.

Talking form the other side of the road. My relationship ended abruptly if I look at it carefully, I'm sure my ex is still wondering what went wrong even If I tell him is not his fault. Truth is, when we sometimes say that, is because is true. They didn't do anything wrong. I just woke up one morning, and found myself not wanting to call him or anything. The next week I broke up with him. I didn't wanted to stay with him out of custom, just because I'm used to his company. If I don't feel anything anymore, I don't see the point in keep on going in lies. Saying I love you when is not meant. Things didn't went wrong, they were great in fact. They just stop going. Simple as dad, maybe it wasn't true love or something. We were together for almost 3 years. Stuff happens.

If it ended that fast, it was in the persons thoughts for awhile. Don't beat yourself up. Try to get out there and move on with your life. The person sounds like a coward..not wanting to tell you to your face.

I'd assume something had happened, Not necessarily something that I did, but maybe something or someone the other person had done.

I just had the same experience happen to me.

what she did:

gave: gifts, sent cards, bought dinner, provided emotional support within my life.

said: "i <3 u" - "i've found my second half" - "talking to you is the highlight of my day"

actions: kisses, held hands while walking, sex of course, gave touches of affection, made hearts with my hand and hers together, introduce me to her family, spend the night with her (in her bed) at families house, confided in me with whats going on in her family life/affairs/discussions, send photos of her day, was emailed daily, was text messaged daily etc...

she also got a tattoo for me within the first month of seeing me.

then, she stopped seeing me abruptly - she would NOT tell me why.

She was intimate with me on a Sunday and texted me "i <3 u" before bed - then slowly became more distant for two days - day 3 i sent an email to confront her pulling back - she just said that instead of a long conversation it would be best if we didnt say anymore. i tried calling and she would not answer - she would text message me back: "i dont want to talk"

POW! OVER - i still don't know why to this day!

Yes, the reason used was that he had too much going on in his life, yet nothing was happening. I always asked if there was another reason with no answer but this one. He then began to date someone else, was the reason that I wasn't what he wanted, and why did he lie to me about it. Breakups will never be easy, but honesty would make them substantially less painful.

it happened to me before, where the relationship was great and then abruptly ended. of course i wondered what i did, but i finally found out it was him - he had a lot of issues and baggage, most importantly, a hidden drinking problem. he did me a favor, and i actually feel sorry for him now.

Yep! I ALWAYS blame myself!

I'm probably the world's worst as far as it being blatantly obvious to the world (other than me) that I did nothing and that in fact I went above and beyond to make the relationship good. My boyfriend lived with me and my son for 1+ yr and would go out to the bar at least 3 nights a week and not tell me where he was going. He would come home at 4 in the morning or later. I would be pissed but I never once chain locked the door or threw his stuff in the yard or anything like that. He would also occasionally tell me that he would "be right back" and then 8 hours later he'd stumble back drunk. He did this at our campground in front of our friends all the time. He never expressed his emotions. On the rare occasions I had the balls to go out for a drink without him, he was mad at me. He frequently ignored my calls and texts. He lied to me more than once to hang out with a girl that he was "just friends" with. I never cheated, never lied. I made dinner, packed his lunch for work, did his laundry, etc. I could go on... but yet I still wonder what it would take to get him back and I really do still love him. I always wonder what if did this or did that or didn't do this... I know I'm a dumbass. You don't have to tell me. I'm in the first stage of it, so I hope to God this goes away. I'd like to have my dignity when this passes.

In the only 2 relationships I have had that ended in a breakup I was the one to intitate the breakup. Both of then knew exactly why. One was a cheating tramp and the other was a psycho who had absolutely 0 trust in me for some reason.

definitely. this just happened to me, and i totally feel like it's my fault. also, a few nights ago i told him i wanted to wait to have sex. coincidence? maybe. but maybe not.

My mom had a relationship with this guy and our families (I have a sister and he had three kids) were getting to be like a real family, talking about moving in together and all that. Then, suddenly, he starts acting strange and breaks it off. When my mom persists on getting an actual reason, he calls the cops on her for trespassing and breach of peace! (Can you say psycho schizo??) Moral of the story: guys stink. Ok...most guys stink. I've found a few that give me hope for the male race. But also, I think it's rarely your fault if you think that you did nothing wrong and your ex refuses to tell you what he/she thinks you did wrong.

It happened to me too. 2 years with a guy and BOOM!!! its over, no explanation. Deep down inside, I gave it my all but some people think that the grass was greener on the other side, like they can do better and they DON'T (like in my case) Hopefully for you, it was the best thing that could of happened, like it was for me.

It's very rare for something so good to end over night. It probably started awhile back you just had your pink colored glasses on. I've worn those glasses a few times myself. Everyday we all change, things inlife may change us, a gray hair can change your outlook on life. Point is, something changed, it's not always anyones fault. LIfe can really suck sometimes but hold on to the reins the ride isn't over yet. I'll bet you've got a few peaks and valleys ahead. Enjoy life when its wonderful and hold on till it's wonderful again.

Hmm. I ended a relationship recently because my ex was not putting in the effort that he once did put into the relationship. I dumped him one day out of the blue. It was very hard to do. It was really upsetting I loved him... but then we talk about our relationship and he tells me that he has things that he needs to take care of and that he understands why I broke up with him and that it was him.

Now, I have had other relationships end with the "You didn't do anything"... I guess some guys just don't know how to exactly end a relationship and don't want to talk about it too much.

Absolutely. I had a boyfriend tell me that he loved me on Friday night and then dump me on Saturday! This was Easter weekend, too!

Yeah... definitely been there. I wish i could give some sort of optimistic advice, but I'm still not out of this horribly depressed attitude that the whole thing's put me in. It's even worse when the whole "Still want to be friends" thing is thrown in there. I guess the only thing that helps is knowing that you're not alone by any means. Good luck, we all need it....

I dont feel that should ever happen to someone without them getting a full explaination! When it happened to me, i wondered why everything just went blank. If i was told that someone just got bored of the relationship i would be fine but to just go quiet isnt good enough!

Sadly, yes...I always wonder if it were something I didn't do or failed to measure up in...Knowing that I give my all in a relationship, I am honest and faithful, you have to wonder how much of my self-esteem is intact in the end, because I somehow never quite realize it wasn't me at all!...

yes I do. Its human nature. In a sense you really did do something, they are just too cowardly to say it for fear of hurting you. when they say its not you, it is.

Yes...and even when they don't end abruptly you can see it coming you still wonder. I think it is human nature. At least in my case I looked over everything and thought maybe if i did this differently or maybe if this happened...but it only made me feel worse.

this really does seem to be a female thing,self examination and self recrimination after a breakup,for some reason males never seem to go through this.it could have something to do with males not being as in touch with their feelings as females are or maybe the male ego won t own up to being responsible.i myself have only had those feelings of self recrimination once in my entire life,but in that case it was as clear as black and white that i really was the one who had caused that relationship to end.i hope thinking back on it that she didn t blame herself for that breakup,but as i say i think most females seem to be overly hard on themselves when a breakup occurs.

Yes, You really doubt yourself when somethin g like that happens.

I recently had what I thought was an amazing relatioship with a guy. We totally clicked and had everything in common. I met his parents and all of his friends which they all loved me. And after another amazing weekend of snowboarding and dinner with his parents and hanging out with his friends He decided to pull the "I fell of the face of the earth" trick on me. I still, to this day do not know what went wrong and would actually think he had fallen off of the face of the earth if it wasn't for his mother calling me wondering why she hadn't seen me in a while. He will not face up to anyone about what really happened after that amazing weekend...

Actually, it could be something you do/did or were/are. If you know your faults you can work to improve on them - but do it for yourself and your future mates, not for your ex. My flaws are my rough social skills, temper, level of physical fitness, and being inconsiderate. I have very strong redeeming qualities that would compensate in most women's opinion. But my faults can't be overlooked and might be the reason why my girlfriends have lost interest and looked to other men. It's rewarding to myself to work on these faults whether my last girlfriend notices or not. My self esteem and confidence improve quickly when I make an effort to better myself. Just getting exercise and getting fit(er) go a long way for me personally. What you concentrate on is dependent on your values and the values of the type of people you want to attract.

It's not something that you did or didn't do. The other person just doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If they did, then they would not have finished it. You can analyze this until the cows come home if you want to but if you have done nothing to deeply offend, then what other reason could there be? It is not necessary to do anything to cause another to not want a relationship with you. Some people just don't like you because they don't.

Yes and no. I tried to hard to make them happy but was never good enough and then just got tired of trying anymore. Gave them one last chance and that was it. I still wonder if i should have tried a litle more or not but then i think I couldnt have lived knowing something was wrong all my life, and if i couldnt make them happy then it just wasnt meant to be.

i ususally think that he found somebody else better, or he suspects im cheating

i just went through an awful breakup which happened all of a sudden too. the only thing you have to say to yourself is they were'nt worth it if it can end so abruptly..there are always little signs which you may not have been aware of..but it was coming!people can be fickle... this one obviously wasnt for you..find someone new and be careful giving your emotions away so soon!

There's a WHOLE WORLD out there...life DOES go on.

Did your husband leave you? If he did, I hope it wasn't because of Answerbag. Seriously, you have your two children and they will get you through any crisis.

It's perfectly natural to wonder what you did or didn't do. But most relationships probably do feel as though they end overnight to at least one of the parties involved. Maybe it had been building for a whiel and you didn't notice.

Remember, 99% of the relationships you have will end with a break-up. Only when you find your true love will it finally stick. Someone's waiting out there for you. If the feeling angs you, let a little time go by; when things are less emotional, ask you ex if there's something you should know so you don't make a mistake in the future.

My relationship just ended and it was overnight but I know the best is yet to come never give up never give in..

Yes. However, I don't think the relationship ended "abruptly" in these cases. It only SEEMS like they did to the person on the receiving end of the breakup. Not everything is the way it seems. The other person may just have been thinking about it for awhile and wasn't sure how to come to you with the "news". This is pretty bad as it can cause a person to feel pretty depressed because he or she desperately "wants out", but doesn't want to "hurt" you in the process. That's probably why a lot of dumpers use a lot of lines that suggest they're trying to "let you down gently". It's like a way to escape. Don't fall for it. In the end, if it's not working, it's not working. Maybe he or she "fell out of love". Maybe he or she was lying the whole time. Maybe he or she is interested in someone else. Maybe he or she feels drained because of you. There are so many reasons. The real question, though, is... why do you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you? Let him or her go. Respect his or her decision. Maybe one day he or she will decide he or she made a mistake. Don't let that hope hold you back, though. Move on if it's at all possible.

Check out this quote:

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
— Tupac Shakur

I wish I was less of a worrier.

Even if not officially in dating or something, there are still a few people I care about excessively for.

When this happened to me it just made me wonder if he ever truely loved me... I don't see how someone could take so much time building a great love and then just turn it off over night..... or maybe it was slowly coming to an end and I just didn't see it

At first you are going to be a little confused but you will get over it. When someone leaves and says it wasnt you... it is just a warning sign.. to better stop the relationship before it gets very serious which eventually at that point it will hurt more than how it hurts now. Just move on... and whenever you see him or talk to him show him that you simply dont care, treat him with kindness... that will kill him.

I can admit I did everything wrong. even tough he tells me he loves me, his heart melts everytime he would kiss me, he is so excited to see me when he walked in my door, but YET, I got dumped