- NEW!
by Catherine on June 3rd, 2009
by Catherine on June 9th, 2009
What is the origin of no-fault divorce?
by Answerbag Staff on May 30th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
My wife wants a divorce what should I tell her?
by Benjiben on January 27th, 2012
| 2 people like this
How do I begin a divorce proceeding?
by Answerbag Staff on May 21st, 2010
| 1 person likes this
What happens if you divorce your mail-order bride?
by Answerbag Staff on April 16th, 2010
| 1 person likes this
divorced? when did your kids start to grow out of their insecurity about their divorced parents?
by BLUE LOTUS 935618 on February 6th, 2012
| 1 person likes this
You're reading My wife left over 2 years ago, moved back east, bought herself a condo, and is never coming back here. But she won't let go, and for whatever reason, I have been unable to do so. Do I just file divorce papers already? Why am I so tangled about this?
Your favorite Q&A site is on Facebook! Become a fan to connect with the ever-growing community of Answerbaggers, share your thoughts and find out what Answerbag's up to next!
Comments
I've asked her point-blank, and she has said she is never coming back here. Yet she wants to keep going on with what we have been doing, which is flying back and forth every other month and spending a weekend together, then talking basically every night on the phone. I hate this. I feel like a prisoner. Yet every time I draw back (I did not go out for Xmas last year, for example), she gets extremely upset, threatens to kill herself, says she can't imagine her life without me, etc. I want out, but have been unable to steel myself to the point of getting finally and truly out.
Yes. I am wasting time and energy. Lots of it. I have to stop.
And yes. I do still love her. I just don't want to be married to her anymore.
by Anonymous on June 3rd, 2009
Then initate the divorce,this is torture for you..
by Catherine on June 3rd, 2009
If she wants to kill herself there are phsyic problems going on..if you loves you she would have stayed with you..Something is not right with her..I think you should sit down this weekend by yourself no phone calls from her and evaluate this matter...
by Catherine on June 3rd, 2009
If I miss a day, phonewise, she gets angry, accusatory. It was my fault initially. I got involved with someone--an "emotional" affair. I shouldn't have done it. I ended it, but she had left by then. I've apologized again and again, but to no avail. That was over 2 years ago. She loves me, in her way, but her way seems to be having me as an adjunct to her life. We talk about her job, what happens in her life--never about my job, and never about my life (because my life has become a shadow, revolving around the daily phone calls, and the every-other-month visits back and forth). Before she left, she tried to commit suicide by running her car engine in the garage. I found the note she had left on the computer and stopped her before she had gotten started. I want a divorce, and am afraid of what she will do. I stay out of guilt for what I did, and out of fear for what she might do. I have to stop, but I'm not sure how. I think about that car in the garage myself. But I can't do that.
by Anonymous on June 3rd, 2009
I can understand the emotional affair, but it didn't get physical did it..I think your wife is very hurt and she wanted time alone but this is way out of the league of alone..I feel that you get her on the phone and tell her if she doesn't come back to you within a time frame, that you are filing for a divorce..Im sorry this to ridiculous for words...She wants to kill herself, she has some mental issues..she needs a doctor...Any children?
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
For your sake and hers report this nonsense of killing herself to the authorities and your lawyer..She sounds very smart to me, I think she might snap and kill you...You better go to the authorities at least right a report up and send one to your lawyer..This is bullshit or she is just playing your ass...She holds a job?
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
Get a couselor for your self and tell them what is going on, have all this on record with professionals, just in case she pulls something on you or herself...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
I am reading your answer, that you say she loves you...She doesnt' love you..This is revenge for the emotional affair..This is her way of getting back at you and making you pay. She is hurt, she lost trust and there is no love..Because if you didn't have any physical relationship just talking so what, why is she acting crazy, maybe she did something with someone..She could be with another man here and playing you till you crack...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
I would not tolerate this crap from her...Sorry thats just me...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
Why didn't the other woman work out? What happened there? I am really curious about that. Was she more attractive than your wife? Did she listen to you more and comfort you..
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
How did you wife find out you were talking to another woman? Very curious about it...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
Listen, get yourself a screen name, there are to many annomoysou all over the place....Make up some name..what are you worried about..
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
She looked at my cell phone, and found a receipt for a lunch I had gone to with the other woman. What led to that? Shared childhood experience--came out in conversation at work (where I met her). We each had parental abuse issues, and that became a big bond. But it was as if I was an emotional stop-gap for the other woman, a source of blood for her, approval, affirmation, etc. And that played right into my own parental abuse issues (the role I had been put in as a child was very similar to the one I played for this woman). It was like playing out old traumas and getting hooked on a highly addictive drug. I couldn't stop, wouldn't pull away. I would say I was stopping, and wouldn't stop. It wasn't sex--it was psychodrama.
My wife and I went to counseling, and I couldn't admit the real reason for what was going on. I had never confronted my childhood abuse, and this relationship was the catalyst for all that coming out. But I didn't really understand all that until my wife had left.
by Anonymous on June 4th, 2009
Yes, she has a job. Makes more than I do, actually. No kids. She bought herself a condo in the city she moved to (across the country from here), has more than enough money to get by (I am struggling but surviving for now). Honestly, I don't know what she wants with me anymore. Someone to be her nightly "goodnight" phone call, but not someone to live with. I'm lonely as hell out here, and this is killing me. I've been in the habit--ever since I was a little boy--of putting another's emotional needs before my own (too much so, and not in a healthy way--as result, probably, of the abuse). I have to stop that, now, while I still have the chance to build another life of some kind. But I feel like my feet are stuck in cement, and I've been thrown into the water. I guess that's why I'm asking these questions online--trying to get a kick-start (I've tried counseling, for months, actually--didn't seem to help, but maybe the time wasn't right, and I should try again).
by Anonymous on June 4th, 2009
I can't let go of her. I want to, very much, to the point of desperation. I am alarmingly depressed--it takes every bit of what's left of my energy to get through my days. But I can't let go. Every time I think I am about to, I can't make myself say the words. I retreat into our ordinary chit chat about her day, and occasionally some superficial BS about mine. I'm afraid to say the words. I'm a coward, and torturing myself because of my own cowardice. I probably deserve it.
What stuns me is that she seems completely oblivious to what I am going through. We've talked about it. I've told her how unhappy I am about this whole situation. I've asked her to come home. But I can't--or won't--let go. I need to force myself to let go--throw my phone into an ocean somewhere, block her email addresses, and just file papers. But I feel like I have to tell her first: "I'm divorcing you." And that has held me back for months, years now. Maybe I'm using that as an excuse. Maybe I should just do it.
by Anonymous on June 4th, 2009
Listen I know whats going on now your addicted to the abuse thats why you can't let go..u where abused young and now later in life..You must cut it out now before you get mentally sick..Please seek conseling right away for yourself..cut contact with her..
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
Please seek conseling....get rid of her...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
My friend is in the same situation he is addicted to his wife behavior and he won't get out. But he doesn't love her he stays for the kid...
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
Now he won't talk to me for over 1 month now, no contact I won't contact him either...He promised to meet me and he lied backed out of it..He won't even see me for coffee just to talk thats all...Whats that all about??
by Catherine on June 4th, 2009
He's probably being watched, his every move tracked, every call checked up on. I went through that for a while.
You're right. I am behaving like an addict, one addicted to abuse, and addicted to being controlled by a woman (it was my mother that abused me).
Love and abuse get hard to sort out. When you've been taught--early--that only one person in the whole world loves you, you are set up to be dependent and fearful. Then when that one person also abuses you, you learn to mix up love and domination, love and manipulation, love and pain, etc. That's what happened with me, I guess. But I know it. I ought to be able to fix it. Fixing is doing. I need to do something. Break away. Stop calling her. Stop answering her calls. Every damn night. Every damn night at 7. No life possible when every night at 7 I talk to the woman that left me 2 years ago. How would I ever go out, ever move on, chained to a nightly phone call? Got to stop the phone calls, then work on the rest.
by Anonymous on June 4th, 2009
I Went thru the same thing with both parents mental games abuse and kept me to themselves OK>.I know what the hell your talking about..Please get rid of the phone, smash it throw it away and move into another place immediately...Do you have a house of worship, then go every week to it..Get a lawyer and get rid of her, she is more damaging than anyone else in your life...You will have a breakdown...
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
Please change your Name Anonymous write a different name so I can recognize you online...
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
What happened to the other girl you were talking to, maybe you can reconnect with her and move one....
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
YOU MUST GET RID OF HER TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!NO PHONE CALLS, CALL A LAYWER AND PROCESS PAPERS, SHE ABANONDED YOU AND CRUEL AND MENTAL TREATMENT...GET RID OF HER ASS...
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
As for my friend he got caught with email last year, emailed me to get out of his life..So I waited 3 weeks and called him, he was nice and wonderful and whispered over the phone that he still wants me to email him even after he got caught...Keeps telling me he wants to see me so I said I want to and told him to step up to the plate..Cause I was disgusted with this whole sitution with him, he never emailed me again...we have been talking to each other for 2 years now...He has admitted that he doesnt sleep at night thinking about me..
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
If he is unhappy which he has stated, why won't he see me for Lunch, I just want to talk to him..He also has a very huge ego..His wife is a lazy ass woman, who cooks for him when she feels like it, not much of a house keeper and spends money like water, she doesn't work either and is an arrogant woman..
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
I don't get it all. Why is he stringing me along all this time..I am hurt by it...
by Catherine on June 5th, 2009
Catherine you may need to follow your own advice to the poster of this question and move on. You sound like a woman who knows what she wants and is independent. Don't get involved with guys who are unsure of what they are doing in life. Keep a positive attitude and go forward with your life in the direction you want.
by whiskeyslick on June 5th, 2009
Thank you Wisheky..
by Catherine on June 6th, 2009
I a worried about Annoymous right now.. he needs all of our support.
by Catherine on June 6th, 2009
He does but he needs to take charge of his life and move on. What he is involved in now is not a relationship. He needs to face reality and see what really needs to be done. Otherwise he'll grow old and wonder why he did'nt take action.
by whiskeyslick on June 7th, 2009
I am scared he will get into a car accident or really hurt himself on purpose...he needs ab support.
by Catherine on June 7th, 2009
That will only go so far. At the end of the day, it is his life to take control of. You have offered a great deal of support but you must also tell him the truth which is for his own good. You seem very considerate and kind.
by whiskeyslick on June 8th, 2009
thank you
by Catherine on June 8th, 2009
And that truth has helped. Thank you. I'm not going to do anything to myself. I just need to figure out how to make the break--I can't do it just by disappearing and filing papers. That's not something I can live with. I have to tell her before I do it. But how? Letter, phone call, face to face? That's what I am chewing over now...
Thank you again.
by Anonymous on June 9th, 2009
Over the phone, no contact..let it go, she left you a long time ago...
by Catherine on June 9th, 2009
Just tell her your getting divorced and thats it..that you deserve a real wife and family not one over emails and phone calls...This is a good move for you..
by Catherine on June 9th, 2009