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by eye_spy on May 28th, 2009

eye_spy

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Me ex bf (pretty much back together though) asked me to lose weight when I put on 10lbs.I have since lost 20lbs. He still wants me to lose more even though I already weigh less than when we got together 5 years ago. Is this right?

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Answers. 21 helpful answers below.

  • by Factotum on May 28th, 2009

    Factotum

    My only concern is that you need to lose the weight for health reasons. Otherwise, I think he's being a jerk.

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  • by whyme on May 31st, 2009

    whyme

    I'd be happy that you wanted me back and wouldn't care what you looked like.Tell him to join the real world and make him beg for you.

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  • by andthenitsgone on May 31st, 2009

    andthenitsgone

    Congratulations on your weight loss! I hope he acknowledges your achievement in this. And I also hope he continues to love and support you in your continuing effort. The motive ought to be first to yourself that the benefits your getting from the weight loss is bringing you into the better you apart from what he says. I'm pretty sure he's got a good girlfriend with a good heart.

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  • by hanky on May 29th, 2009

    hanky

    RUN! he is a sick and twisted weirdo!!! i say run away as fast as you can because he is trying to make you something you are not! RUN! RUN!

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  • by Lady Lay on May 28th, 2009

    Lady Lay

    No way...why would he expect this from you---except if he thought you were fat the whole time...your partner should love you regardless of the way you look...infact...because of the way you look!!!!!!!

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  • by dea_ex_machina on May 28th, 2009

    dea_ex_machina

    Maybe he is getting turned on by the slimmer you!

    But, to be honest, I would not be happy with someone who wanted to change me. He would need to love me for who I am, and not try to re-create me into his ideal.

    Think back to why you broke up in the first place.

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  • by honeychild on May 31st, 2009

    honeychild

    It sounds like he wants another woman! You were fine 20 lbs ago!
    You will be a whole lot lighter if you lost him! Girlfriend, find yourself a slice of chocolate cake and enjoy yourself! Life is to short! Eat, drink and be merry!Peace and
    Gook Luck!

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  • by iNSANE on May 29th, 2009

    iNSANE

    There is something completely wrong with this guy and if I knew you and him and knew this, he would be hurting.

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  • by Chigg on May 28th, 2009

    Chigg

    No, its not quite right, you do what YOU want to do.

    If he starts with the insults or the threats about breaking up, then he is treating you like his own Barbie doll, getting a power kick from being in control of what you do and how you look.

    That, or there's no thrill in it for him and he just genuinely believes that his opinion is the only one.

    Either way, if thats the case he seems to be with you on the proviso you accept that you have no power and no value.

    Tell him where to stick it and find someone who doesn't need to manipulate women to feel like a man.

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  • by anywho is feeling pretty on May 28th, 2009

    anywho is feeling pretty

    I don't think anyone should tell a person that they should change their appearence. If a man really loves a woman, he'll find everything about her beautiful. If a woman really loves a man, she'll find everything about him handsome. That's my belief though.

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  • by Ditto on June 1st, 2009

    Ditto

    He's an inconsiderate, shallow, self-centered son-of-a-bitch. Get rid of him. There are plenty of good men willing to replace him. Don't subject yourself to that sort of mental abuse.

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  • by Gingerminx on May 31st, 2009

    Gingerminx

    And when he wants you to get the breast implants because they start to sag as you get older? or the tummy tuck and face lift as you age? Will you rush out and chnage your appearance every time he wants something new? If this person doesn't accept you as you are why do you want to be with him?

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  • by BoOoOoOo on May 31st, 2009

    BoOoOoOo

    i dont think its right at all. he should love you for being yourself, you shouldnt have to get made into doin anythin, if my bf told me to do that id be WELL offended and probably get rid of him if he didnt love me the way i was. but thank god he isnt like that, he has joked around but thats about it, i know when he jokes

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  • by Shemarq the Wamama on May 29th, 2009

    Shemarq the Wamama

    You deserve better than this. He should love you for who you are, not what you look like or how you look on his arm. People like him are controllers. Today it will be a few pounds, tomorrow it will be which friends you are "allowed" to have, clothes you are "allowed" to wear, and I'm telling you it will progressively get worse. The best relationships are the ones where you can be yourselves and accept each other for who you are -- faults and all. My husband has a bit of a pooch belly, but OMG he is such a good father and a wonderful husband. I don't care what he looks like, just how he treats me.

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  • by Reillydog on May 29th, 2009

    Reillydog

    Are you still overweight? If you are I would have a different answer than if you were normal or underweight.

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  • by Nasiswand on May 31st, 2009

    Nasiswand

    Depends on his motive. I have a husband who has gotten very overweight and he knows I want him to lose weight because of health issues that could come of it. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want someone you care about to be around for a long time. If your weight is fine and your healthy though, then it isn't right.

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  • by Mountain Momma on May 31st, 2009

    Mountain Momma

    No, it's not right. He's a jerk.

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  • by crazystudent on June 1st, 2009

    crazystudent

    Unless he wants u to loose the weight for health reason he is well out of line!!!

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  • by whyme on June 1st, 2009

    whyme

    I'm sorry.that wasn't a very helpful answer in the sense.I guess i was trying to help you see that someone should love and want you for who you are not what you are.Believe me on this, its whsts inside a person that is the most important thing in the world.How long are you going to be able to keep the weight off and what happens if the demand gets higher? loose even more weight, new teeth, hair, breast.These things are what YOU should want to change to make you feel rite.Its easy to comment like this when I'm not in that position and I know I'd do anything to keep the person I love but deep down I'd be thinking,"is it me they want or someone they have seen and want me to look like".Sorry if I've gone on and on. Good luck.

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  • by whyme on June 1st, 2009

    whyme

    I'm sorry.that wasn't a very helpful answer in the sense.I guess i was trying to help you see that someone should love and want you for who you are not what you are.Believe me on this, its whsts inside a person that is the most important thing in the world.How long are you going to be able to keep the weight off and what happens if the demand gets higher? loose even more weight, new teeth, hair, breast.These things are what YOU should want to change to make you feel rite.Its easy to comment like this when I'm not in that position and I know I'd do anything to keep the person I love but deep down I'd be thinking,"is it me they want or someone they have seen and want me to look like".Sorry if I've gone on and on. Good luck.

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  • by BROADWAYTHECAT on May 29th, 2009

    BROADWAYTHECAT

    No, this is not right. he has issues and it isn't how much you weigh!

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