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by daniel on May 7th, 2009

daniel

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How do you know if ur little brother is bi or gay see i'm 17 and he's 15 and when my guy freinds come over he keeps staring at them and one of them is 16 and i've notice he's gay and they sometimes leave and come back different (if u get what i mean)

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Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by Athrael on May 8th, 2009

    Athrael

    I read through the answers and your comments so I "cheated" and have more information to work with.

    If you where bi then most likely you still are bi. If one person in the family is bi, chances are somewhat higher that the other will be as well.

    Bisexuality is perhaps 90% of the whole population - granted most are something like 90% straight and 10% gay and due to social and religious and traditional pressures totally sublimate their gay side and claim to be 100% hetero, this doesn't change the fact that they are really 'bi'.

    This may very well be why so many 'straight' men are anti-gay since they are told they can't be bi/gay and if they even think about it once (which most men think about it at least once) that sets up a string of doubt. When in most cases knowing that they are mostly straight and that it is normal would mean that they would most likely continue to identify with being straight and never act on their 'gay side'.

    I mention this because it is highly probable that your dad is bisexual, having a tiny bit of 'the gay' in him and has been programed that it is wrong and has feelings of guilt and most likely worries that he may pass 'the gay' on to his kids that his reaction was as it was.

    Now that I have armed you with a little human psychology you and your brother can sit down and have a 'heart to heart' chat and discuss how you two will strive to not remind your father that your brother is bi or gay.

    Further, if your brother does come out to your father now and your father knows your bi he might (most probable) blame you, either accuse you of 'turning' your brother or 'teaching' him how to be 'that way'.

    The impact here is obvious.

    Since you are 17 and your brother are 15 legally this can be problematic - depending on how against 'the gay' your father is.

    For the Record, my little brother is gay. I'm 'straight' or identify as straight while I might have a tiny leaning to the gay side.

    I knew when he was around 15 - I just 'knew'. He did 'come out' to me when he was like 22 or 23, I laughed and said something like 'Yeah and??? tell me something I don't know.'

    Our parents did not take the news too well. Of course mother didn't take the news very well to find out that my brother was living with a black man either... my mother is an old southern bigot - has been practicing all her life.

    But I have always been there for my brother - I have never had a reason to judge him, and I have accepted nearly all of his Boy Friends as 'part of the family'. The two I didn't not accept had nothing to do with their sexuality, but much to do with other behaviors.

    My brother is currently 'married' (domestic partnership) to a nice 'bear' of a man. they have lived together for well over a decade.

    Mother has not set foot in their house, nor is 'HIM' allowed over this is do mostly to the color of his skin (My brother's man is black).

    Father is distant on the whole subject and doesn't Talk about it at all.

    These attitudes have had a profound affect on my brother who has reached out to me more than once to 'cry on my shoulder' and to seek some comfort.

    So the depth of the problem is a little more complicated than just today's situation. I do not know your folks but if they are anything like mine this may be a life long uphill losing battle and you and your brother may find that the true family is just you two.

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  • by tuesdayxxiii on May 7th, 2009

    tuesdayxxiii

    i think you already have your answer. ask him about it, but make sure to let him know that it won't change the way you feel about him. well, at least it shouldn't. that part is up to you.

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  • by buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind on May 7th, 2009

    buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind

    and the problem is ?.... if he is or isn't gay/bi is really none of your business, if he wants to tell you he will in his own time ... maybe he is feeling vibe's from you that are telling him you would be adverse to him being gay/bi and thats why he has not said anything to you yet

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  • by i n a d x x_ 11 sleeps till im 21 on May 7th, 2009

    i n a d x x_ 11 sleeps till im 21

    a 15 yr old boy would idlise any 17 old male. he will be looking at him wishin he was as cool as you adn your mates.
    but this doesnt mean he may not be gay or Bi. it doesnt matter if he is any way.
    If he turns out ot be he will need all the love and support he can get from you.

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  • by Hope on May 8th, 2009

    Hope

    well you can sit down with the little brother and have a talk with him..ask him how does he feel about boys a and ask him if he thinks that he is gay or bi..thats basically the only way your going to find out unless you find out something er what ever..

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT on May 8th, 2009

    TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT

    interesting... I find gay teen sex as disturbing as straight teen sex.

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on May 8th, 2009

    DA BEN DAN yanggui zi

    He probably is gay. but he is still the same person that he always was...and this is really none of your business unless he decides to tell you about it.

    3 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by Jadey - Vive la difference on May 8th, 2009

    Jadey - Vive la difference

    Wait for him to tell you... to make it easier for him you could drop a couple of hints every now and again that there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. At least that way if he is, he may feel a little more comfortable knowing that he won't be judged for it when he does feel like he is ready to tell people.

    The thing is though... as you seem to be aware, he may not be either. He may just look up to your friends, or aspire to be like them, perhaps we wants to hang out with you all?

    5 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by Corgingus on May 8th, 2009

    Corgingus

    Being that he is only 15, I would tap on the subject and see if he will tell you about himself. If he is going through this alone, he is quite alone and need all the help he can get to keep he's confidence. If he is, he has no one to talk to and he will need you for support. If he says he is, make sure he understands that you still love him no matter what. He is your brother and will need more love from you then ever. Support, understanding and love will be important for him.

    6 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by chowdownonme on August 13th, 2010

    chowdownonme

    I am not gay or bi, but curious, would never pick a man over a woman , yet have a desire to try oral, not having any moral or religious restrictions,

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