ANSWERS: 21
  • The kids might not want you to be equal. I swore when my son was born that I'd be 50% care taker. Well when all he wanted was his mother, what could I do?
  • Counter argument: Freedome of choice. All people should have the right to decide how they want to live. My way (or your way) is not right for everybody. If a wife prefers (as some do) to do the majority of the childcare, who am I (or who are you) to tell her she doesn't have the right to make that choice? Who are we to insist that both parents work, instead of the wife staying home and raise the children IF that's their choice?
  • A good arguement for that would be that women and men are built differently, they aren't the same genetically and have different strengths, abilities and weaknesses. Men are naturally stronger then women, sooo being a logger would make better sense for a man than a woman, and being a homemaker would make more sense for a woman because they can have children etc. Because men and women are genetically different theyshould be treated different.
  • Counter argument? My husband doesn't have lactating breasts. That's one good reason he can't share equal childcare responsibility. Now, as far as equal salary for men and women in the same position - consider the position. My husband does hardwood floors for a living. Picture 115 lb, 5 foot tall me, trying to lift a Hummel (200 lb floor sanding machine) out of a work truck and up a flight of stairs, and operating the vibrating, spinning machine without leaving any discernible marks in the floor - for eight hours a day - and you will understand why a woman will never be paid as much as a man in the skilled labor industry.
  • Well the basic counter-argument is simply that the division of labor in each family necessarily has to be different according to the needs and opportunities the family has. In many families, the man is the primary income earner and the woman stays home to care for the children. It's not fair to then expect the man to also share 1/2 of the workload of housework and childcare in addition to 100% of the income production, yes? As for equal rights, I don't think there's any good counter argument to that.
  • men and women will never be equal. we balance each other out. where one sex is strong, the other is weak. think about it.
  • If a woman also does or has a career there is nothing to refute of course there should be a 50/50 split of household chores. It is of course a given that a woman has equal rights
  • I believe men should share in the childcare and household duties as close as possible to 50/50. I posted a question along those lines not too long ago and had some people that seemed a bit angry about that. The biggest argument was that some families work with what they believe to be an equal division, but not in the same way. Maybe the woman does 95% of the housework and childcare and the man does 95% of something else. Or it's divided in various ways. No matter what people say, I still believe that the majority of the women, get the lion's share of the work; that doesn't mean in some families the men don't do the same thing. I'm just sure from life experience that more women than men do and it's not always a 50/50 equation. But I'm sure you'll get an argument and I'm looking forward to seeing it when it shows up.
  • Here's one... Women have babies. They then stay home from work for at least a couple months while recovering from that. Many don't return to work at all. There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't think it's right for them to expect someone to do 100% of the earning, come home from work, and then do 50% of the household work and child care.
  • Not everyone can do everything well. In that sense we are not all born equal.
  • We have the same rights. And its important to share household and childcare among the man and woman; however, if you take a poll of 100 women and 100 guys, you'll still find that Americans and most women feel they have a greater responsability for childcare, because they are naturally more attuned. Men have gifts of strength, while women can be strong, we wouldn't assume they'd all go into construction. In my experience Teamwork has never been 50/50 it creates to many problems, you have to find balances, meaning if I clean the kitchen it doesn't cause me stress like vacumming the whole house. Never disregard natural talents, and if the woman or man happens to be more skilled and patient with cleaning and raising children, then so be it; however, if the stresses of a 20st life style work, career, mom, dad, etc, are taking its toll its time to split up the labor. Marriage, is never said to be 50/50 specially when kids come into the picture. It's sacirfice, trust, caring and all that positive and negative. So we are equal in a sense, but rarely and often never able to achieve a 50/50 in today's world of modern demends, because loads bare weight of which a man might have to carry 70% of, and a woman might have to only carry 30%, but the acknowledgment of 100%, is that it will be done and completed together.
  • a significant part of the household duties is earning an income. i'd say most men (whether their wives work or not) perform at least 50% of the household duties. the feminist attitude tends to focus on women having to do all the home care and child care while the man runs off and enjoys the 'glories' of the career world as if it's a vacation. i can tell you from my husband's stress level, it's not a vacation by any stretch of the imagination and he *still* comes home and is willing to bathe the kids or do a load of dishes, and often spends all weekend doing various tasks around our home as well as looking after the kids so i get a break. men do their part - they're just not often given much credit for it. i'd also like to add that my friends' husbands are often doing various chores around the house on their weekends too. including and not limited to yard work and child care. i don't know a single husband who sits on his butt all weekend watching espn and drinking beer.
  • take a look at the 19th ammendment, when women won the right to vote :]
  • My husband and I are equally tired. He works his ass off working two jobs so we can pay our bills and I work my ass off raising our kids, cleaning our house and cooking our meals. Daycare is not an option for us. Not only would it break my heart, anything I could make at a part time job would mostly go toward paying the daycare.
  • I think you're trying to get me killed. My wife sometimes reads my answers and would not take kindly to me refuting equal labor and child care. But I'm going to to it anyway. We split labor in our house but don't really try to reach equilibrium. That takes too much time and it's too hard. We've been married for a long time and basically, anything that's outside is my job, and anything inside that's hard is also my job. In turn, my wife does most of the cooking except breakfast. I'm pretty good at that. She's a maternity nurse and I always deferred to her in the child rearing department. I'm incharge of the really big yelling. Her and the kids say that I am scary when I'm mad. I did a few night feedings but tend to get nervous and yell about it. I have to get up at six, she starts work at 3 PM. She finally relented about that. The point is that marriage is a partnership. If you need to be so exact about an exact 50/50 labor sharing like you vacuum half the living room and I do the other half, you have issues bigger than labor. You need to learn to work to each other's strengths and not concentrate on getting it exact.
  • not sure if this helps from as a man who has done the housewife role for a short time the grass is greener as a stay at home. assuming you are not subject to cabin fever staying at home can be slightly more work... but is a HELLOFALOT more satisfying. except for the small percentage of people who have been fortunate enough to find work IN their passion job satisfaction is almost nonexistent any more and wages are so meager they are barely enough to keep people from going postal. I'd love to be a stay at home dad.
  • I grew up on a farm where labor was always divided into girl work, and boy work. That carried over to marriage for me. My husband has his "boy" roles, and I have my "girl" roles. Of course I will gladly help him with the lawn if he needs help, and he would gladly fold a load of laundry if I were in a bind, but as a rule, we keep to our roles.
  • I was raised that men and women were equals...it was never disputed in our household...the only differences that I can think of involve physical strength.
  • Men and women are equals...BUT ALL IN THE SAME they are different.. My husband and I are equals... He works building airplanes I clean the house and cook him super He brings home the cash I pay the bills He plays with the kids...and reads them stories I feed the kids and give them baths He watches war/action movies I watch chick flix... He wears mens clothing I wear womans clothing... LoL...I dont know if im getting my point across cuz im rambling....but we are 50/50 in our relationship and absolutly happy...our decisions...are mutual... But I know my husband wouldnt be happy watching the kids all day...and cleaning the house... And I wouldnt be happy working a job out of the house all day I work sometimes....but I think some people are so busy trying to get "equal" rights...they forget whats important in their heart...and where they want to be. A man is a man...a woman is a woman... We were designed for different things... And it works awesome that way...
  • I think a really important question for couples to answer BEFORE they get married is "Who should do what of the housework? At that stage the question will seem trivial because most couples don't get the issues behind it, but it says a lot about the relationship and the expectations and beliefs of the people concerned, not to mention their attitude to the opposite sex which often comes from their upbringing.I had one long-term relationship without children and another with children. In the first we had equally well=paid careers, and joint ownership of assets. All chores were shared - it was done without question. In my second relationship, chores were shared during the period when the situation was the same as above but changed radically as more children arrived and as my working hours decreased. When they were older, I went back to work full-time but the situation re chores did not revert back to sharing them, despite constant requests from me. I think by then I had become his "mother" figure and the person who "of course" naturally looked after everything to do with the home, including maintenance, lawn mowing etc. This was how his parents had been although ironically his mother had had a career as well: she just worked like a dog to fit in all in. It took me a long time to really get angry about my situation and change it.Society generally just ignores it.
  • there's no such thing as equal. Each person provides a different function. It should be a harmonious relationship that shares, not one where you keep count to see if the other one is getting a better deal. If both are giving then it will work. If we are talking value, then of course the woman and the man are of equal value. Equal rights and equal duties are two different things. If you go into a relationship with the kind of mentality and attitude that everything has to be fair and equal, it probably will not work. When "equal" becomes as important or more important than love, then it becomes a bad formula for success.

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