it all starts with child hood...my mom was never really there..yes she was in the house but she always just told me to go in my room...i lived in my room from the age of 6 till around a year ago and im 16...i started cutting at 12...i was going out with the most amazing girl i will ever meet untill 6 weeks ago tomaro...we were in her car going down highway 150 and we were hit head on by a drunk driver...she was laying in the road unconcious i did cpr for around 15 minutes and she bled to death in my arms...it killed me i tried to kill myself by overdose and cutting...i live in a shadow because im used to rejection and in my shadow of black and white i feel safe because i dont focus ion the world around me i focus on my next step...i dont talk at all...i eat very little and my blood is thick...i still cut and im lonely...people are scared of me and i like it...i dont have to talk to anyone..

I suppose I started at 14, after a very bad "relationship" left me feeling I needed to be punished for being a bad "dog". It started off really slow, a few nicks an cuts. When I felt I needed to be punished, but by 16 it developed into allot worse, I was using carpenters razors, I was cutting every day an I never just small cuts, I HAD to make it big, an it NEEDED to be deep, so that I would be satisfied that the punishment was sufficient. My family found out when I was 17, it was summer an while I was sleeping I kicked my sheets off, mom came in to wake me an saw. Of course there were many questions that I wouldn't answer, an of course therapy, which in all made things so much worse, an my punishments just increased an worsened. I suppose it was by 19&half that I finally stopped Not because I wanted to, but cause I felt I was to unstable to cut, I no longer felt them, an that lead to a few very close calls. There were also parts of me that really really hated me after all that I'd done to myself, an wanted to die. So I figured it would be best to put away the razors. I'm 21now, an I haven't picked up cutting again(though I have slipped a few times), but I still harm myself in other ways I can better control an do less damage. i.e Not eating, punching myself, using blunt objects to do harm, an putting out ciggs on myself. I suppose thats where I am now. I'm now trying to overcome punishing myself, but its a very long road, an there are still parts of me they have excepted this life an don't want it to change.

i dont know why i did it. i would be upset and that seemed like a good way to deal with it. i guess if i was focused on the cut i could tune out what was going on around me for a bit. to be honest i kind of miss it, but im not a big fan of explaining the scars.

i didn't cut to get anything at first. i was dilussional and i cut thinking i was trying to get a friends trust. i don't know what i was thinking but clearly it was illogical and i've tried cutting to see if i could handle the pain. then i decided i hated it and could never comit suicide. so i quite.

im only 15 and i had just started to cut this year. All through school, especially elementary school, everyone hated me. They would call me names. They would say that i was stupid, and complain when i was in their group. I guess i couldnt do anything right. Then we moved, and i had quite a bit of friends, and I got my dog, marty. then i started middle school. I had maybe 2 ppl that i could call friends. They both moved away in the very end of sixth grade, and i was back where i was at in elementary school, only i had marty. when i was upset i used to go to him. 7th and 8th grade was horrible. Then i started high school. Things were ok, i had/have one good friend. but in august, my best friend, marty, got sick with cancer. I thought i was going to die. i had to watch them put him down, and it was horrible. he was my reason for living. I had a couple of friends that had cut, and they said that it felt good, and helped you forget, so i tried it. it felt great! so i cut deeper, and it felt better. then i started to cut whenever i was upset, my parents didnt really halp, but, it calmed me down and helped me forget why i was upset. I then got addicted. i cant stop. the longest i have gone without doing it was 2 weeks. thats pretty bad i know. i met this guy last week, and he used to do it as well. he is helping me quit, and so far it is working. he is the sweetest guy i have ever met, and idk what would have happend without him.

I'll try to keep this short. I'm a 20 year old female, I began cutting at 15. I have not cut in two years. I come from your usual dysfunctional family. My parents are potheads, I seen many close family members and friends die, usually in bad ways (hanging, heroin overdose, poisoned, cancer, ect.). So i grew up pretty messed up as you can guess. I had never even heard of cutting until after i began doing it. It got worse and worse, until my arms and legs were COVERED in red marks. It was affecting my life, i could not really function. My boyfriend (eventually fiance) broke up with me because he said he could not watch me destroy my life. I was addicted at that point but somehow, eventually, i was able to stop. I still struggle daily with thoughts and compulsions to cut.

i started in about november my family was being evicted from our flat and i didnt know what to do to help we had no one we could stay with if we couldnt find anywhere and we had no money for the deposit on a house and i was scared my mum would start drinking so i started cutting it seemed to take my mind of things i felt everything was my fault and it punished me we found a house and i managed to stop but then i became aware of my life again i had nothing on my mind and i became aware of things at school people talking about me calling me names and because i was aware of it again i got upset so they did it more and after what id been through i just wanted to be happy and i felt it was my fault for people saying things for being overweight and not being perfect giving them a reason to laugh i felt worthless so i cut again but the bullying got worse and now i dont feel i can cope there are times ive wanted to die ive been bullied since year 4 but it gets worse and worse and i cant cope anymore i feel like everyone is laughing atme all the time so i cut because i feel like its my fault i just want to be happy and normal but i dont even have any friends any friends but its not just the bullying now its my ex best friend she doesnt care im alive and totally blanks me out and i dont know why

life is just too unfair. and most of the time, i have a hard time dealing with that. so i cut. i don't know what else to do, or how to stop it. i don't know how far it'll go. it might just go too far.

i'm 14, vego, smart & most call me attractive. i have a great family and really most would think i dont have a care in the world. i love to read and since i was about 8 i spent more time in books than out of them. i was depressed for at least two years. then i changed schools and made some friends because thats just what you do. things got better, sure i had some big issues with two of them but it really was standable. last year i fell head over heels for a guy 3 years older than me & 2 grades above me. he is only becomeing my friend now and still doesn't have a clue i like him. i hate crying infront of people & even when i'm alone i try not to. recently i lost trust in two out of my 4 closest friends and started to dig my nails into my fingers to stop myself from crying. i feel that no one understands me except one friend. i began to cut myself about a month ago. no one knows yet except the one friend. i'm probably depressed again. my mums a shrink and i should tell her but haven't found the guts to yet. i dont want to dissapoint her & i hate being a bother. dont even know why in the world i'm posting this on the net... when i cut it relaxs me i start to breathe normally again. the pain tells me i'm still alive and strong enough to keep going.

It all started around a month ago, it. Just began with punching walls, I didn't realize it was self harm, then when I did I though cool. If I can do this mabeu I can cut myself. I did with a pair of fabric scissors that night. I was so happy I was jumping around all over my room. I felt proud and tough, I got a razor out of my shaver and took it with me everywhere, it became a once a day addiction, and still is I don't know why I do it sort of just coz I can, I want to do it when Im sad but don't because it feels less safe. I just do it when I'm bored

My mom is abusive and my dad is a wimp. I'm pressured to be perfect to get any love whatsoever from her, but it doesn't work. I'm kind of a aloner at school, and I don't really like talking about my feelings...one day, I felt like I was going to explode from all the secrets I was holding... I was laying in bed, crying, and I started scratching my leg/ankle... I kept at it until it started to bleed. I was surprised at how much it seemed to help. I did it again a week later, then switched to using sharp objects and doing it more often. I was completely ashamed, I thought I was really going crazy. I had never heard of cutting before, I thought it was just me. Then, a year into it (last year) I was surprised at it's being a real thing.. I even learned that a few of my friends cut. I watched one try to quit, and decided to do the same (nobody knew at this point) I did quit. Now, six months later, I've relapsed :( worse than ever. I did tell one friend this time though, and she's been helping...

i dont know, i guess ever since i was 10... i was made fun of, and the kids would hit me and give me bruises till i would bleed and cry, and the teachers just watched and didnt care and i felt so horrible.i was always attracted to knives, yet was too scared and would just cry and call myself a wimp. then after a few years i transferred but flashbacks haunted me, more rumors, and then a bad relationship, and then my parents were going to getta divorce, and i ran away from home and tried to kill myself, but failed-[dont ask how]-then i went to stupid rubber band things, and would use it to hurt me. then later came high school-and even WORSE problems! my dad almost killed my little sister, my grandmother and aunt died-now i get up 4am to help with my mentally challenged sisters, that still where diapers, and i'm the middle child-and my mom has a muscle disability and needs help-which makes me like a second mother, and my father couldn't care less about anything-and now my grades are dropping, and then i started losing one of my closest bffs so i felt SO upset and overwhelmed, i wanted to die-but the problem is, that i cant leave my mother alone, and from rubber bands to head banging, and now cutting, i try not too deeps, especially since i have doctor checkups and stuff-and then people notice everything-so i said, i'll do enough for it to sting and bleed a bit-i only have one deep scar i keep covered with a bandaged and made up a huge story-and i always wear gloves since i always cut my left hand, fingers, wrist, but mostly my thumb, dont ask y-because i dont know... and now i finally told my other close friend[s] that i cut, and now my two friends think i'm nuts, while my other and even closer friend just got emotional and said no. but they wont tell, cause i know them, and so far they still haven't, and no one brings it up. i am still a little bit of a train wreck, and i still sometimes cut, but...i dont know, life can be unfair, and sorry for the essay-i know no one's gonna bother reading it anyway, as if anyone actually and literally cared-it's like, when i was younger i said "mommy, i just dont understand why people would do that. i mean, i would never cut myself-EVER, or runaway from home, or kill myself or anything. i just hope people will feel better" a few years later, i start and now hooked... i dont know, my family has a history of Depression, i wouldnt be surprised, but only, if i could care a bit... now im getting a therapist, only because im going through "something," only if they knew all the self-injury i do-idkk i am now 14-wish me luckk :)) byee :))

I used to cut but i find cigareets and weed help more.