You seek knowledge that mortal parents cannot know. But if you find out, you can probably turn that information into a small fortune.

I think the best way is to set up a responsiblity and reward system, when she does her chores she either gets more rights, or money and such, and when she doesn't, she gets rights or money removed or not given. If you do use this meathod, it is important to be consistant.

Until her chores are done ~ no phone, no tv, no computer, etc. That should inspire her.

My wife trys to get me to empty the garbage and I'm 43. Kitty litter is more of a chore and a stinkier one at that.

Does she get an allowence? (that might be spelled wrong)

What Kerrirae suggests is about the closest to what I did with our son at 12, and added our ex roomie's son, who was 2 years younger to when they lived with us. We sat down and had a talk. I explained that while their FIRST PRIORITY was school and good grades, they lived in our home and were both part of the family. As family members they too are expected to contribute what they can to making our house a home. WE earn the money, buy the food, pay the bills, and take care of their living expenses, Dr, Dentist, Eye care and so on.. THESE, each got a print out, are YOUR chores. To start it was small. Doing your own laundry, taking turns each night washing the dishes, if you don't wash that night...you put them away in the morning before you leave for school. Taking out ALL of the trash (again taking turns) and get it to the curb on for pick up on Wednesday. Keep YOUR room picked up (they shared a room). Scoop the litter boxes (we have 3 for 4 cats). If you have a lot of homework, SHOW US, if you need help ASK US..that's part of our job to help you! As they grew older..they got more chores, usually added on during the summer months when they were out of school. WHY DO WE HAVE TO LEARN TO COOK? Because you LIKE TO EAT and someday we'll be dead and how do you KNOW your wife or girlfriend will know how to cook what you enjoy eating? Plus the rule in our house is He/She who cooks..does NOT wash dishes that night. They learned to cook, and how to scout out what was available in the house to cook, and how to plan a nutritious, healthy, tasty meal using RAW no packaged, foods. Of course, CLEANING the house was a family affair, a group effort, as was yard work. And if they didn't do these helpful things? No TV, no gaming systems, no shooting hoops, bike riding, or going out or off at all. You can play music WHILE you are working, but you don't please yourself, until all school work is done, and all of your chores are finished. Staying up too late watching TV, (too late as in after 0100, 0200) made the TV in their room go away. A few times the game systems also disappeared for a while. Once ALL the clothes on their bedroom floor "went missing" for about 4 months, that was a bummer! Our Roomie's son decided to try and play the race card, even though the shorter white boy was doing all the same chores...he started sneaking out in the summer nights, going to the worst part of Philly with friends who could drive, he was only 15. Drinking, smoking pot, and "doin hiz gurl." He used the five finger discount at a local store and earned a visit to the local police station complete with a photo shoot! His Mom took every thing he owned to the trash, leaving him with a minimum to wear. He didn't improve, we had to ask them to leave. It broke my heart, I'd known him since he was about 6. Our son made the honor roll, has graduated, has a job (not ready to go to college yet...we'll see!) Still does the dishes unless he cooks, if he has worked a full day, then one of us adults does them. We take turns cleaning the bathroom, he does the litter boxes, and feeds the cats, I feed the dogs. He also pays several bills, here, because he lives here too He doesn't LOVE doing chores, anymore than any of us do. But he has a more developed understanding of what it's like to go out to work and still try to manage a home. When he chooses to cook, he cooks GOOD MEALS and when it's been a while since he's cooked...we let him know HE's COOKING TONIGHT! The trick is TOUGH but FAIR. Do you want your daughter to be PREPARED to be self sustaining as an adult? I want our son to be able to care for himself and if he is living with a woman (hopefully married) at some point in time, I want him to be a REAL partner to her, to respect and appreciate the efforts she makes working at a job, and in their home, not "expect her" to be the little hausfrau...shared work goes easier, and can be more fun. I also want him to be confident when he moves out that he KNOWS how to care for himself and live a happy, productive life. I'm his confident often, but I'm not his best friend, I'm his "other" MOTHER! At school open house I would say I was the mean mommy, his birth mother worked nights and they knew we were a lesbian couple anyway. HE would break in with, YOU'RE not the mean mom, YOU BAKE! (I call it sweeting the pot...feed the little chubs well...makes doing the work a bit easier!) Never "threaten" your daughter with "punishments" you cannot or will not uphold. Be as accountable to her as you expect her to be to you. This is what you earn for doing your chores and THIS is what you loose if you do not...say what it is, and make it so...and make sure it is something SHE VALUES. Never forget to thank and praise her for going a GOOD JOB, or make her do it over if her work is slop...do it right the first time, or do it again to make it right. Good luck...I wonder if Girls are harder than boys...being one myself...I'm inclined to think they might be!

Put the cat box in her room.

She cares about her kitty right? Tell her if she doesn't change it she'll just be making her cat unhappy. Also, you should do some sort of reward of money or something for her.

Trade chores for her favorite activities.

I did not mention an allowance , but activities, which cover a much broader scope. Curtailment of activites negates any allowance she may recieve. Money is useless if you can not spend it when confined to the house with out a computer or telephone.

What ever you do; do it consistantly. When my step-son was about 12 he would leave my house in a wreak. I tried punishing him but it was hard because he didn't live with us. So the next time he came over I told him what ever he didn't pick up would get thrown in the trash. He left a big mess and I went in there and picked it all up and threw it away. The next time he came over he willingly picked up things. The important thing is to do what you say you are going to do. And, make the puinishment fit the crime. If it were my son then the cat would have to either go outside or go all together. But, my son knows if I say something then I will do it.

Well if your her parent and she isn't listening to you dont you feel thats pretty disrespectful counting you probably feed her clothe her and most likely give her shelter I believe you should....tell her she has no choice, its not an option.

I would tell her take care of the cat or it goes. Or ground till it gets done, Either way stick to your guns.

Good question! We have two girls 11 and 13. They are responible for taking turns doing dishes, they have to do their own laundry (except occasionally I will do some of it) one of them cleans the bathroom and the other cleans the kitchen, this includes cleaning the floors and cupards etc. We are not TOO strick on their rooms, those are theirs and if they wanna live in a pig sty then they have to deal with that, however if it gets too bad then we will make them clean it...usually is mostly clothes and school papers anyway. We pay them $20 a month sometimes more depending on how good of a job they do. There are sometimes odd jobs that we have them do as well. If these things aren't done...they don't get the full $20+ OR get things taken away, also if they argue with us when we "Remind" them, usually something gets taken away or they get grounded. Another thing that seems to help with getting dishes done is, if its your turn to do them and you don't and their are still dishes in the sink the next day and more are added to it...those are ALSO your dishes to do because you didn't do them the day before like you were supposed to so that mean you have MORE dishes to wash, and really, who likes to wash a bunch of dishes! Reward her for doing her chores, it seems to help us, if she doesn't do them then there are consiquences.