If you have sincerely Apologized and have changed and Your Partner "forgives you" but always uses it against you, Who is wrong?

Your partner is wrong. They can either choose to forgive you COMPLETELY, or leave you. You DID something wrong and did what you could afterward to fix it the best you could. You did the right thing. Everyone makes mistakes. Your Partner needs to stop punishing you.

Your partner is wrong, not you. !!!! Your partner to say i forgive you is a layer !!!!!!!!!!!

the person holding it over their head but then i would say it wasnt actually forgiven if they hold over your head also

She reminds you because she loves you and you stabbed her in the back and in her eyes this is your punishment. Remembering and never forgetting.

Take it like a man or leave the relationshp

i would say you parnter is wrong.

Obviously, your partners has not forgiven you.

Your partner, if you have regret things, changed and apologised and and you got back together.. s/he suppose to fogive you, otherwise it wont work.. It was their decision to get back with you which mean they have to be mature enough to move on a different/higher level...and dont stuck in the past.

once you have apologised and you are forgiven it should never be brought back to haunt you. in whatever aspect of life. If they cant forgive you at the time then that is fair enough

Your partner is wrong for throwing it in your face like that, I went through the same thing, I can feel your pain. But, you do have to remember, you made your bed, you either have to lie in it or find another one.

we all make mistakes ,it should be live and let live ,,

U need to move on. That is mental abuse.

Forgive and forget.
That means the situation should not be brought up as ammunition.

Your partner is wrong. If you forgive someone, and if their apology was sincere (as demonstrated by a change in behaviour), you really have no right to throw it back in their face. That doesn't mean you can't talk about it anymore, but you just can't use it against the person, like to continually use it as an excuse for your own retribution, or to use it to blame other problems on. That's not fair.

Maybe your partner simply can't forgive you? In that case, you should both recognize this, and calmly part ways.

well u cannot be mad at them because u changed them on the first place
and now u know it really hurts when someone pays back with ur own promises...

Your pardner is wrong...

Your partner. When you've been forgiven, it's forgotten. If they were going to use it as ammo in the future, they should have just left.

Definitely your partner in case you are innocent!

If you make a mistake, apologize and never make the same mistake again the person who always brings it up is wrong, period.

IS HE WORTH IT? IF HE IS THEN......Put yourself in his shoes.....he has accepted u for your flaws ....now here's u r chance .......try to tell him (without fighting or shouting that u r really sorry for what u have done and please don't punish u any more because it hurts to be reminded)COMMUNICATION IS THE FOUNDATION OF A STRONG RELATIONSHIP. this may prove to be a blessing which forces u to develop that bridge.........if u dont have it already then accept it that it is going to be difficult...........get ready to fight it out and be patient dont say anything in frustration..........decide this in u r head before u say anything........try it its worth it

depends. is he using it to logicaly explain a situation, or is he using it to insult you. people usualy get defencive about their mistakes to the point that thay do not want others using it as precident. just because he brings it up as part of a logical discussion does not mean he is using "it against you"

It means that you are still not forgiven. There is no right or wrong here since it is a part of that persons nature to crib and use it. You should get it out of the way and move on without feeling bad about it.

You are. because if he's still using it against you he didn't entirely forgive you. you you are wrong with the fact that he had forgiven you.

Great Q. It is wrong to shove things back in your face, even if you did something wrong in the past. I only do it for humor :)

if they use your past "sins" against you, then they realy havent forgiven you.

If your partner forgives you but always uses it against you then your partner has not really forgiven you. Love forgives AND forgets!

I would say your partner, because forgiving doesn't mean you need to pound someone's face in. Forgiving is part of healing and it allows the heart to recover, with time the hurt and the pain will fade, if your partner continue to hold on to things that happened in the past then the relationship won't survive.

+2 on your question =)

Your partner is wrong.
And it means they're still pissed, and haven't forgiven you. Maybe sit down and talk to them about what it is that's holding them back from forgiving you fully.

its hard to say your partner is "wrong" but it certainly isnt going to help any. I was in a similar issue. My SO and I both did each other wrong. After some terrible times we decided to try things again. He said he was "over it" and was ready to move on but every time an argument came up, hed throw the past in my face. Eventually it just drove me away. We finally had a much needed talk and he came to realize he either really did need to get over it and move on and quit using the past against us or wed never make it to a future.

Three years later, were goood to go! So my advise, dont keep it to yourself, Talk it out!

If she used it against you in an occurrence where she was caught doing something bad and she used the past to draw attention away from her and lay guilt on you then YES she is WRONG. However! It depends, how does she use it against you and in what circumstance?

I'm somewhat in the same position myself but I'm in the girl's shoes. My boyfriend has cheated on me and deceived me since the beginning. Our whole relationship, in fact, was a lie. Only recently have I developed a backbone to stand up for myself and his cruelty. He has changed sincerely and I recognize that and he has apologized for his past actions. However, I grew up thinking that all people were good and so I trusted everyone. When someone you trust and is close to you betrays you more than once, it shakes you to the very core and it makes a person question humanity and the good of all people. I have changed because of his actions. I'm distrustful of everyone and I'm constantly suspicious and paranoid that someone close to me will betray me. When I find something suspicious (no matter how insignificant) I immediately put my guard up to protect myself. This is how I am now and as a result, I have gotten into plenty of fights with my significant other because every time he does something suspicious I instantly call him out on it. The past is never brought up but it is known between us that this distrust stems from his past actions. I have forgotten all the hurtful things he has done but I haven't forgotten how much I've changed due to those hurtful occurrences. One thing that has finally helped me though, is by communicating with my s/o. I've finally told him everything, my lack of trust in him and so forth in people in general. Now he knows the truth and I admitted to him that I needed help in getting back to my normal self (the laid-back happy girl). He says he owes me so much, for changing his life for the better and for helping him get into a positive lifestyle... I asked him to do the same for me, to help me change back to the person who I was before. I told him that if he didn't want to put the time and effort into helping me then it would be ok because I wouldn't want to waste his time in the first place, it wouldn't be fair to him to continue on like we were. But because he said that he'd help me for as long as it would take, it has re-sparked our relationship and I am steadily beginning to trust people again.

My point is, there are a lot of factors that should be looked into in order to answer your question, "who is wrong?" You and your s/o shouldn't be looking into who is in the wrong, but what isn't in the relationship and consequently fixing what isn't right.

I'll prob get down rated for this.. but whatever, I've said what I wanted to and it was an opinion based question-answer.

They are, because they lied to you in telling you that you were forgiven, obviously your not, if they are still thinking about it.

Does it matter who is wrong? When you look to be the winner then you both lose. Obviously they have not resolved the issue despite forgiving you. It sounds like a little counseling might help.

I think it would depend on what the apology was for, if it is cheating then it's probably a trust issue and even though they say it's forgiven, it's going to take them a while to recover from that and for you to earn the trust back. If it is something silly like telling a white lie to get out of visiting the in-laws, well they should just forgive and forget if you sincerely apologized.

Both of you.....you for screwing up and your partner for using it against you....you can never forget someone doing you wrong but it you accept their apology it should be placed on the back burner....

He is wrong, if he can't forgive and move on then he should let you go.

Well your partner is in the wrong. The past is the past and if all is forgiven then it shouldn't be brought up. It may take a while before it's not brought up though so give it more time. I know I brought it up when my husband and I used to fight about things, but I don't bring it up anymore because I have truly forgiven him. Things that happened in the past shouldn't be brought up in the present, it causes more problems and more stress. Maybe your partner just needs some reassurance from time to time that you have changed an your apology is sincere. Deep down she may still be angry, upset, or hurt by what it was that you did. I can only assume that you cheated, right?

tey either choose to forgive you or they dont and if they say that they do but use it against you then they obviously didnt forgive. honestly, the relationship just might not get any better if this is how it is going.

Remind your partner that you came forth with the truth and you are always being mocked for it and you are getting sick of hearing it. Now, tell your partner, you keep mocking or reminding me of my past mistake, "I won't be so truthful if it happened again". That might shut him or her up.

That depends on the situation.

It means they didn't really mean it and just said it to change the subject.

If you truly have changed and they would agree that you've changed, then they are in the wrong, because forgiveness should be unconditional. Even if you hadn't changed, if they say they forgive you, then that should be the end of the matter. Forgiving someone means you agree to leave it in the past. Dredging things up again is like lifting the can of the garbage you threw out. Let it stay at the curb

The partner is wrong, my boyfriend was doing it to me, until i confronted him about it by saying 'if you don't fully forgive me then leave me, if you do forgive me, then properly forgive me and stop using it against me.' worked pretty well!

I would say your partner is wrong. Forgiveness is never bringing it up again.

You're both wrong. It doesn't sound like she's truly forgiven you if she keeps bringing it up and it doesn't sound like you're truly sorry if you keep getting mad at HER for what YOU did. Really, though, it sounds like there's a whole pile of unresolved issues here. Open communication is probably what needs to happen if you both want this to work.

It's hard to say at times. Of course we would say mostly is your partner's fault but If were to stand at your partner's point of view may be to him/her what had happened still hurts them because they still love and care for you, that's why when they uses it against you sometimes it's because they find it hard to get over it totally yet, so some more efforts have to be put on them to make them completely trust and have faith on you over again.

I can only tell you, I have found that sometimes if a SO says they have forgiven you but continues to, 'use it against you', it's because THEY have something equally bad or worse they are hiding from you.