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by Kat1909 on February 11th, 2007

Kat1909

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Help answer this question below.

Is it normal that my boyfriend doesnt want sex as much as i do? i just find it weird that most guys i know want sex all the time but my bf never seems to want it, im usually the one asking for it.

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Answers. 49 helpful answers below.

  • by amyjeanretzlaff on July 9th, 2010

    amyjeanretzlaff

    I had the same issue with my ex-husband. I always wanted sex, he didn't. It was frustraighting. I would beg, plead, cry, yell, get angry. Nothing help. When a man has it in his head that he doesn't want sex he wont give it.

    Now my boyfriend is a little bit the same way, after 14 months sometimes it's a fight for sex. We have sex on average 5 out of 7 days a week but there are dry spells that are angersome. If I have to get up early in the morning and it's late at night he will say no out of sheer mothering. "I don't want to have sex because it's late" WHAT KIND OF A MAN SAYS NO TO SEX!?

    Here is what I have learned. A man needs to be romanced as much as we do. They need foreplay as much as we do. They need to be whooed as much as we do. I usually know early on in a day if I want sex and so while I'm at work I think of ways to "butter" him up.

    Some things I like to do that are subtle and don't take much effort when you love someone.

    1. When I see him after work, hug him, give him a sweet little kiss on the mouth if he accepts it or on the cheek and just look at him and tell him I love him and ask him about his day. Nothing sexual there.

    2. Find ways to participate in activities that he enjoys that maybe I don't....watching UFC for example. And show interest. Genuine interest. Nothing sexual there.

    3. I make an effort to make myself look my best at all times. Not only does this give me better confidence but men are all visual, so I've learned and it doesnt hurt for him to look at someone with hair nice and make-up nice. Little bit of sexual there! (wink)

    4. This one should be number 1 but I like to find little ways to remind him that I love him in a day. Once a day I will send him a little poem or picture or funny web page I think he might like. Like today I sent him some fun facts on kissing. They were funny and he enjoyed it. I let him know that kissing him is my favorite thing to do...stroke the ego..brownie points. Nothing sexual there.

    5. Sometimes when we kiss I'll try and make it last a little longer, just to let him know that I'm interested in something more than kissing BUT then casually pull away like it wasn't anything. Keep him wondering. Give a few more of those kisses if the chance arises through the day or night....get his thinking gears moving. Hint of sexual there!

    6. Little things are nice....anticipating his needs. A glass of water while playing a video game or his beverage of choice. Asking if he needs something from the kitchen when I go that way. Buying movie tickest to a movie he really wants to see as a surprise. Nothing sexual there.

    7. Undressing using my side profile to entice....less is more for the imagination. AND THROW AWAY THOSE ICKY PJAMMIES!!! Depending on the man, sexy outfits are best left for special occasions, keeps those occasions special. Instead buy cute comfy pjammies that are pleasing to the eye but you are comfortable in case he doesn't take the bait. I get the most response when I wear my simple pretty colored night gowns to bed. Feminine, yet not overly sexy. Sometimes SEX IN YOUR FACE bed clothes are too much. Men don't like to be controlled.

    8. A simple shoulder rub goes a long way. Head or scalp massage....they are like butter in your hands if they like having your hands in their hair....they will fall asleep!

    9. Little touches, simple sweet. Touch the back of his neck and say something nice to him if he's busy gaming. In and out. Dont linger. Leave him always wanting more.

    I have found that when I get comfortable with myself and being happy to not have sex, that's when I get it the most. Men can feel the pressure we put on them even if it's never expressed in words. Relax. Just be you. Love him in little ways everyday. Yes we have needs too and shouldn't have to be the ones to initiate love makeing or even displays of love. BUT someone has to start. Why not you. You don't deserve to be living your life never feeling good enough or not pretty enough. Be pretty for him but be pretty for YOU first! Be confident in who you are. Men don't know what to do with a women who is needy and clingy and nags them for sex.

    Sex is very important to a relationship and to a point relationships are based on sex. The relationship is bad when there is no sex or bad sex but that relationship thrives when there is sex and GOOD sex at that.

    I finally worked up the courage to talk to my mate about my feelings on sex. That sometimes I just NEED sex. It's not wrong and not dirty and not obsessive but sometimes I need to feel close to him and feel that he loves me. He was pretty accepting of what I had to say but it had to be done at the right time. I talked to him calmly and sincerely and he was fairly responsive.

    Every situation has it's own variances but basically men need to be romanced, foreplayed, whooed and buttered up! Love is the basis of sex, sex is the basis of a relationship and a relationship is going to fall apart if there is no communication. Communication of the heart is the most important.

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  • by hornytoad70 on July 19th, 2009

    hornytoad70

    I can't believe how many people on here have the same exact problem that I have. I am in my mid thirties, by bf just turned 40...I am not a beauty queen, dont get me wrong, but I am really pretty, but this is accentuated even more when I am with my BF. He's what you would call "dorky" or a "nerd" I guess and I have had sooo many people looking at us like "what is she doing with him" or people actually SAYING that to me!! I see what they see, but I also see what I see in him and I have no problems with his looks or personality- Yes he's somewhat of a dork but he's a guitar player, has tatoos but mostly- he is SMOKIN' hot in bed, can go down for WEEKS and I was married, trust me, I did not KNOW what oral sex was until I met this guy!!! When we first met, we had sex constantly and when we weren't having sex and we were out in public, his hands were all over me and we were both THINKING about getting home so we could do it some more!! Then we moved in together...been living together for a few years now and I ALWAYS initiate the sex, and it's gotten to where it's totally predictable that he'll make some excuse of why he doesn't want to have sex, then I'll cry myself to sleep and he gets MAD AT ME! Telling me that I "have a problem" and that "all I'm interested in is sex, there's more to a relationship than sex!!" - yeah well I know that, and that's fine, but I feel like I was baited to move in with this guy under false pretenses, and now that we live together he pulls the sex almost completely out of the relationship!! When I complain it either leads to a fight or me crying or mostly BOTH. He doesnt BELIEVE in make-up sex!!! Who doesn't BELIEVE in make-up sex??????? It's not freakin santa claus!! Conclusion- men are assholes, if you want it, they don't and if you don't, they want it.....solution:(might work for you, didn't for me though) ignore the shit out of him, get hobbies, be UNAVAILABLE for sex, and when he wants it, say you don't feel like it, don't say it in tone that he will know you are doing it to get back at him, be very casual about it, but TURN HIM DOWN! Do it, 2 or 3 times before you say yes...trust me girls, I know it's hard-when he finally wants to have sex, you want to POUNCE!! I know, I know, I know.....if you have any hope of having regular sex, you must make your point heard tho - DO NOT GIVE IN, let him see how it feels to lay there wondering if his ass stinks or if his balls are too hairy...and you just roll over and go to sleep! Even with BLUE BALLS, he'll fall asleep.....eventually!!!!!!

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  • by lovestinks on January 12th, 2010

    lovestinks

    i feel ugly when he doesn't want to have sex with me.
    also. every time I'm not in the mood, and he is, i still do it.
    because sex is fun, not a chore.
    so why the hell does he not want it when i do.
    life is not fair.
    he just lets me make embarrassing sexual advances on him.
    and i'm constantly being turned down.
    i talked to him too. just now. and he just said he feels too weird
    telling me that "he's not in the mood"... so he lets me keep
    making moves on him. wtf
    so not only am i self conscious afterwards,
    i feel embarrassed too. and i feel dumb.

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  • by Anonymous on July 6th, 2009

    Anonymous

    I'm having the exact same problem. I always want sex and my boyfriend gets annoyed when I even ask. We used to have sex everyday sometimes 6 times a day and now we've been going out for 2 years and 4 months and he's always "tired" or "not in the mood" he never wants to have sex. I have to force him sometimes. The trend I've seen reading these comments is that all the guys play video games. My boyfriend is a WOW addict and when he's not playing WOW he's playing on his Xbox 360. -_- I don't know what to do neither >.<

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  • by Emilie on August 23rd, 2008

    Emilie

    I have exactly the same problem, i'm some what younger than you and probably less experianced also. I do get the same feeling that i'm the one having to ask all the time so i can definately relate. My boyfriend feels that sex isn't everything but i can't stop my own sex drive being, as it seems, a HELL of alot higher than his. Its not something you can change by yourself it has to be a mutual decision that you will both try harder to make sex more appealing for both sides.My boyfriend is right when he says sex isn't the be all end all, but by the same token guys should know that it shouldn't be up to the girls to constantly have to ask and seduce them in order to get it.

    any1 else have similar please post a comment x

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  • by Beth58 on October 6th, 2008

    Beth58

    I have the same problem. My boyfriend is 24 and I am 22, and we've been together for 2 and a half years. At the beginning we would see each other at the weekend and have sex 3 or 4 times. Then a year ago I moved in with him and his family. He refused to have sex when anyone else was in the house but his family went away at the weekends so we had sex 1-2 times a week. We have been living in our own place for 5 months now and we now only have sex once a month. I can't remember the last time he asked for sex and almost always turns me down when I want it. And he is not intimate at all with me in the bedroom. There is no foreplay, no touching or kissing during sex, it's always the same position and he refuses to take most of his clothes off. He doesn't masturbate or watch porn but is very into online gaming. Apart from the sex issue we have a great relationship. He is very affectionate, always kisses and cuddles me and tells me he loves me every day. We get on really well but the sex thing is really getting me down. We talk about it regularly but never resolve anything.

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  • by Mermaid18 on December 14th, 2008

    Mermaid18

    Well i totally sympathize with you on this because i am in the same predicament. Unfortunately i dont have an answer for you, but maybe it will make you feel better to know that someone else is feeling the same way that you are.
    Im 28 years old and my boyfriend is 26 and i definitely have a higher sex drive than he does. In the beginning we had sex everyday sometimes up to 6 times a day! It started to taper off around three or four months into the relationship and now we have been together for 7 months and its gotten to the point that i feel very unsatisfied. We dont live together so we see each other about three times a week, but sometimes its for the entire weekend or two days in a row and when that happens we do have sex usually within an hour of when we first see each other but then thats it. I dont come straight out and ASK for sex because i dont feel like i should have to do that. But i do make it obvious in other ways that i want it and he makes it obvious in other ways that he doesnt. I just dont get it. I know he isnt cheating because he is a very sweet, romantic, faithful guy and we are very affectionate with each other otherwise. When we do have sex its good, but before me he was used to pretty basic sex and i kind of like more exciting and erotic sex so i brought that to the relationship and he always says that he loves that about me. And i dont mean to sound conceited or anything but im not a bad looking girl - there are plenty of men who i think would think he was crazy and in past relationships i never had this problem! It really hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about myself - i start questioning why he doesnt want to have sex with me and if theres something wrong with me that i dont know about. Maybe he feels threatened because i am more experienced and freaky than he is? Maybe he loves me but im not his type? And no, there is no stress that he is under either - he has a super easy job and his mother pays all his bills and he has a great family and great friends. I just cant accept that its just that his sex drive is lower than mine - how could that be possible? Guys ALWAYS want sex! I love him so im not going to consider breaking up with him or anything but i dont know what else to do and trust me, i have plenty of toys and things like that, but nothing feels like a man so they arent going to help. I have tried talking about it to him but he acts like he doesnt know what im talking about or he somehow never gives an answer....

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  • by emilicious on July 25th, 2008

    emilicious

    my boyfriend is 31 and im 24, we are going on 8 days since we last had sex, thats nothing i can do two weeks standing on my head, get used to it.

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  • by Captain Murphy on June 5th, 2008

    Captain Murphy

    I know of many guys where this is the case. I hear it from my friends,(not guys, my friends are girls). They saw that they are wanting it more than they are getting it. But if you asked the guy, the most probably response would be that he's getting some all the time. Sex drives are hard to understand since society seems to accept that males must have the bigger sex drive and women little. So males say that is true and women say that it is true. The reality though, probably different.

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  • by Anonymous on February 4th, 2008

    Anonymous

    I am having the same problem only my boyfriend is 18 and I am 19. I thought it was just me he didn't want, but I do not know. If I am good looking and sexy how can a guy you have been dating for a whole year suddenly decide you are just to sexy for him??? Needs a break from it all? I think it is just an excuse to break up with me??? Any others have this problem?
    Confused

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  • by JC85cap on June 3rd, 2008

    JC85cap

    I would like to ask how OFTEN you want it? But I'm guessing you ain't that much of a superfreak so I'd say something's definitely up with the guy. I'm almost 18 and I wish I could have a girlfriend with that kind of a sex drive lol Tell your best friend (or his) to talk to him and say that he needs to satisfy his woman more often, that'll help you out if he's a true man ;)

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  • by Im Alec has abandoned this account on June 3rd, 2008

    Im Alec has abandoned this account

    That is men. When they are not getting it, they are gagging for it. But as soon as they get an unlimited supply, they find they don't want as much as they thought when they were short of it. How many of the guys who want it all the time are in regular "all you can eat" relationships?

    Talking of all you can eat, get him to spend much more time in foreplay. it actually makes it better for the man (IME) and it satisfies the woman much more so she doesn't want it again. Too mamny man, expecially if young, think that sex is in, fire, out - in which case it is no wonder the woman is unsatisfied and wants more. Force a good ten minutes of playing around befor you allow penetration: it'll amke things better for bot of you.

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  • by Anonymous on January 13th, 2009

    Anonymous

    It seems that lately I am the only one that wants it and that I am taking second place to online games/xbox. He always talk about how exciting it is with me, and we go mad for about 3 days and have sex everyday, but I just seem to want it more than he does. I will ask for it, and he either just says "later", or just flat out tells me he isnt in the mood tonight, or accidentally "forgets". He just did it to me tonight, I asked for it and he played his computer game for 20 more minutes then he leaned over and kissed me and said "lets save it for tomorrow honey". I felt like crying, but I held the tears back and said " Nope. Your not getting it tomorrow either. You dont want me tonight. I dont want you tomorrow." I feel like crying right now. If I really am as pretty as he tells me I am shouldnt he want to have sex with me all the time? We have sex several times per week, but it just makes me feel ugly when he turns me down. Arent guys supposed to want it all the time, especially if they find their partners attractive?

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  • by circulous on June 24th, 2008

    circulous

    No it is not normal. Guys are so horny they can barely contain themselves. This is true. They think about sex ALL THE TIME. Usually can't wait to make love to their wife/girlfriend/significant other

    If he is not sexually interested in you, then ask yourself these two questions

    - Does he have a medical condition
    - Are there other stresses like job loss or money trouble

    Try to find out the root cause, but know this is not normal and needs to be fixed.

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  • by bagkhan on January 25th, 2009

    bagkhan

    Sorry to say it, but he may be gay,we all guys love sex 247, keep him hot to have sex with you.

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  • by Anonymous on October 22nd, 2009

    Anonymous

    I am having the same problem right now! He thinks I am over charged and he gets angry with me and then we fight for a long time. He watches porn but it's not ok for me to masterbate because he think I'm too horny. I dont know what to do either. He's 40 but acts like he's in his 20's. I am 24. I wish I could figure this out.

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  • by Anonymous on November 4th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Something must be really wrong with these guys.
    Because every guy i have ever been with. Always wanted it. Always. there have been times when i wanted it, but i have never been denied. NEVER. and it's pretty crazy that this many girl's boyfriend didn't want it.
    Yalls pussy's must be nasty or something.

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  • by Anonymous on November 8th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Same thing happens to me. I'm younger than my fiance and it seems that I always want sex. When we first started he was the one that seemed horny most of the time and as time is going by it has changed. We are living together and I want sex with him so many times a day, every day of every week. At times we'll have sex and after he is done I wanna go again but he says no guy in his right mind would go again right after cumming. So if I ask 10 mins later he still tells me its too soon. Sometimes after having sex I wanna keep on or just give him oral sex and still he tells me no. There are times where he wont even let me touch him bc he thinks I'm just going to grab down there. I dont know what else to do...I even brought up the idea of a threesome with another girl so maybe he would be interested but he doesnt even seem excited about that idea. I'm not the best thing out there but I am pretty good. And I love pleasing him in everyway. I dont know what Im doing wrong. Im trying to convince myself to stop wanting to have sex so much and that way we wont have pproblems. Idk bc I know a guy who used to tell me his gf bearly ever wants to have sex and I didnt used to believe him but now I do, now I know how it feels when the person you love and wanna be with bearly ever wants to be intimate with you. Pls what can I do? (besides giving up on sex)

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  • by Sir.K on December 2nd, 2009

    Sir.K

    your probably lucky there most relationship brokeup cause of SEX! many guys do that after plenty of SEX you get dumped then he move from another girl for SEX and pleasure the LUST is in the air all the time..just give him some spicy thing and pure play with him that would be nice balance

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  • by Anonymous on October 3rd, 2009

    Anonymous

    ok ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we hadd sex everytime we saw eachother for like the first 3 months,then i found myself asking for it ALOT more than he was!!! hes 23 years old isnt he supposed to want it all the time or at least once a day even? we go weeks without having sex. Ive gotten turned down so much idont even ask anymore because im embarrased when he turns me down. is he cheating on me?

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  • by Prunesquallor on September 12th, 2009

    Prunesquallor

    People vary. It is helpful to find a partner who has a similar sexual drive to your own.

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  • by gamergirl on February 12th, 2007

    gamergirl

    I think the best way to answer your question is by my experience. Me and my fiancee have been together for 2 and a half years. Now in the beginning we had sex ALL THE TIME...now that he lives with me and we have been together so long sex just gets boring so its not a question of "normality" but more a question on how long you have been together. Also if you like to have sex the same way every time its also boring. Men want change. They like new things. just try something new and see how he responds. Keep the passion alive...

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  • by LadyDomestic on January 26th, 2009

    LadyDomestic

    Get used to it. They all have their problems and excuses. I bet if you brought another female for a threesome he would be in the mood! Sad but dam true.

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  • by Anonymous on September 12th, 2009

    Anonymous

    I dunno how old this is but this may shed light on the whole "video games" thing.

    http://digg.com/gaming_news/72_percent_of_men_would_choose_video_games_over_sex

    It's not an article, just a short sentence where people can comment on it. But yea, according to another article, playing the Wii, which requires physical activity helps get a guy into it. That and games requiring competition between the two of you. Maybe you could try that.
    http://health.yahoo.com/experts/sexualhealing/28235/video-games-increase-libido/

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  • by Colt COAT of Justice on January 13th, 2009

    Colt COAT of Justice

    You are lucky. He must be a very secure individual. Keep him close!

    3 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by CannedHam on February 11th, 2007

    CannedHam

    "Normal" has a wide range of definition. Stereotypically, men want sex more than women, but that may just be perception. As long as he is not completely uninterested in sex, he's normal.

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  • by singer85 on August 17th, 2010

    singer85

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I am 25 and he is 27. Seems like this is the same for everyone....but it started out really good. I waited 2 months till we started having sex(intercourse) and that was because he asked that we wait...which I was respectful of. Then we started having sex and it was great and fun and spontaneous. And then i probably noticed about 7 months into it that he was very weird about initiating sex. I would try my best and buy lingerie and suprise him at my place when hed come over and that seemed to work for a bit but then it would get really slow in the sex department. I was and have been very good about having open dialogue with him on this issue and at first he said it was because he was living with his parents, and they are very religious and conservative. Now he has his own house and owns it too! And still the sex has not been frequent at all. Everytime I ask him about it he has some stupid excuse and I always tell him its only going to get worse as time goes on and if we were to ever get married....ANYTHING causes him to not only initiate sex but have sex with me when I come onto him or I even ask him and then he gets mad because I ask him. He says that he hates when I ask him for sex and I tell him if I dont ask then we dont have sex, and if Im actually asking you to screw me you better damn well be sure its something that I need!!! I am about to move in with him and I am really worried about thisi ssue...Its really frustrating and hurtful. I am trying to be respectful of him and his feelings but hes a pretty unemotional guy as it is so what he says and what he actually feels can and may be completley different. I always tell him that it feels like rejection each time and is a huge blow to my ego.

    I can see there are definitley some religious issues that he has deep down probably so is this worth salvaging? I fear its only going to get worse. I love him so much but I have needs as a woman too and some may think it sounds shallow but if this doesnt improve I will have to break it off. Sex isnt everything in a relationship but its definitley a factor and important way of expressing your love physically. Since he isnt that emotional, its the one way we can connect.
    Please help if you have any ideas, suggestions, or comments!

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  • by anothergirl on September 14th, 2010

    anothergirl

    what is going on here, and i say this because believe it or not I too have this problem. Are we not taught as young women that all men think about is sex. seven times a day we were told. And then this went into its normal that we, the women probably would not feel this same way. Well let me tell you something. When a women gets it in her head that she wants to have sex, it could be at 6 in the morning or 8 in the evening, we want it. And at least for me, I can't stop thinking about it until I have it. Now, that not to say there aren't times when I don't really feel up for the game, but lets be honest, sex feels good, it is great connection between you and your man. So if what we are told as young women holds true, than is that that because men think about sex so much, they are exhausted before ever having it. Well, i for one will not hav this anymore.
    My boyfriend and I are down to sex maybe 4 times a week, maybe...? I'm 22, I have a sex drive and i would like it to not sit idle at 10 in the evening. And he is only 25, isn't that a prime year?
    and to "lovestinks" and others, women do not need any other reasons to not feel "pretty enough" "sexy enough" or in anyway "good enough" we should be proud that we have our sex drive, and not feel embarrassed or "dumb".
    the next time your man doesn't want to have sex, maybe suggested than that he think about the rest of life with his hand and some lotion. He might just have second thoughts.
    He thinks your sexy
    he wants to have sex with you
    there is something else thats wrong with him
    its not you
    women, own your sex drive
    it makes you beautiful

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  • by bigboialex91 on September 24th, 2010

    bigboialex91

    Women please understand. Some guys live under the assumption that they must hide their sex drives. For example a lot of women will say they're turned off by a very sexual man. So most guys will kill their sex drive. The proof is in your stories. The worst thing to do is to try to make your man jealous. I think you guys should seek out a sexologist or sexual therapist. Get some kind of mental help. There may be issues that need to be solved.

    THE BIGGEST MOST INCORRECT ASSUMPTION IS THAT MEN WANT SEX ALL THE TIME.

    and to those complaining about their bf's playing xbox. how about you join them. and genuinly take interest in what they like. you dont have to be a fan of it. but be willing to immerse yourself into what he likes.

    i believe most dudes are sexually shy. and if he is inexperienced things will get worse.

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  • by ermh on November 24th, 2010

    ermh

    Like everyone else on here I have the same problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and have a 2 month old baby. I am 21 and he is 24. When we met we fell head over heels for eachother IMMEDIATELY! We had sex at least 3 or 4 times a day everyday. Then after being together for a couple of months the sex slowed down then suddenly just stopped. We have gone 2 months without having sex. I let it go at first because he said he didn't want to hurt the baby when i was preg. But after a while I couldn't take it anymore.He says he doesn't want to have sex or isn't in the mood, yet he masturbates in the shower almost everyday!! Makes me so insecure. I NEED sex. He is so distant and not at all affectionate. We never even kiss anymore, just a peck when he leaves to work and when he gets home. I try to kiss him more and he pushes me away and when I touch him he tells me to stop. He never touches me anymore either. When I ask why we dont have sex he gets mad, we fight, I cry, he gets even more mad.....etc... He has told me that when I bug him about it that makes him not want it at all. It makes me feel like im disgusting, I am very pretty (Not concieted at all) but after having a baby my belly, sides and inner thighs are covered in stretch marks, If that doesn't make you insecure then idk what will. Him not wanting to have sex makes me feel even worse. It is EXTREMELY hard but take the advise of other posters and just ignore the problem for a while. Stop "nagging" him for sex and eventually he will want it. We FINALLY had sex after two months and it was good, very passionate, but then that was the last time. So its been about 2 weeks now. He has told me that he just needs time to hisself so go out for a while with friends and focus on yourself. Get him and sex off of your mind by keeping busy. It does work. Now I dont have the advantage of having any toys so it's a lot harder for me, but I have been keeping super busy and it has kept my mind off it. Ugh it feels so good to finally get this off my chest. Thanks : )

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  • by tanyababy2004 on August 7th, 2010

    tanyababy2004

    yeahhh i know how you feel . im 19 and my boyfriends 22, we used to have a really good sex life. ive been with him 2 n a half years now and we now live togeather. We used to be doing it all the time, but now it's like he doesn't want to know. I've tried hinting but when i do he says it upsets him :S it makes me really confused. We havnt had any "togeather time" since we moved in and that was almost 10 weeks ago and i had to beg him for that. :(
    i dont know what i've done wrong ... maybe there's something wrong with me?
    I obviously choose to remain faithful but things are getting hard and it's putting a strain on our relationship !

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  • by Opal1989 on July 9th, 2010

    Opal1989

    Share your answer...

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  • by questionedkate on January 23rd, 2010

    questionedkate

    I am having the exact same problem! My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and I have always, from the beginning wanted sex more than him. He even said once "we need to slow down because I don't want our relationship to be based on sex" isn't that such a girl line????!!! Ugh so frustrating. So I came to the conclusion that I need to just accept that his sex drive is lower than mine and masterbate on my own! Well 6 mths later he reveals that he watches porn at least twice a week. I was so mad and really hurt that I have been "accepting his lower sex drive" mean while he's getting it from porn and NOT horny enough to initiate sex the next time he sees me!!!!!!!! wtf I'm at a loss as well. I have never had this problem with any other relationship actually it's always been the other way around...maybe it's just karma!! I love him but I need sex right now, all I'm asking for is when we see each other (about 3-4 times a week) we do it! btw I'm 26 and he's 35.... Last night I cried. We had wine and I hinted quite strongly, suggested he do this certain thing to me and he started kissing my neck and then stopped went to shower and NOTHING -It was 2 days since we'd seen each other. Is it crazy to break up with someone over this?? If he is still watching porn as often, it just seems very selfish and as far as i'm concerned he can have his porn by himself and I need to move on.... But then again I would be devastated.


    confused :/

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  • by cherryred12 on April 11th, 2010

    cherryred12

    the same wid me wen my boyfriend wants it he getsd it but wen i want it he seds no

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  • by goinnow on May 23rd, 2010

    goinnow

    Gosh I NEVER would have thought that there were as many woman as me out there with the same issue.. me and my boyfriend have been 2gether for a little over 2 yrs, I have 2 grls from prev. relationship but we have a 1yr old boy 2gether. His only child. I am 28 and he is 37.. I thought dating an older man would mean more of a grown up relationship.... YA RIGHT... Everytime we argue or have an issue it somehow turns out to be my fault.. we have lived 2gether only 9 months, we have sex 3-5 times a MONTH, the whole time we were dating and up to my pregnancy we had sex every chance we had and he was SOOO loving and affectionate with me... NOW NOPE>..... I have to mostly initiate the sex then I get turned down often too. cause he has to go to sleep BUT he'll spend time playing poker online or watching the GAME.... I was never a faithful one and I DON"T THINK he's cheating but really who knows... I've been good cause I love him and I want to be a family and work things out.. BUT I am also one to NOT stay somewhere I am not happy... this has been an issue for about 6-7 months now. I do the lingerie thing and sometimes it works but I'm tired of putting all the effort.. I can do better by myself.... and he beats his meat sometimes which pisses me off more cause thats supposed to be the whole joy of living with someone... to have someone there by yourside rather just to talk, cuddle on the couch or spoon in bed... MY MAN DOES NONE OF THAT.... SAD... the saddest part is that I am starting to look else where just like a man would do... what he won't do for me... believe me I have people already offering to do it for him.. and I want to.... BUUUT I'm TRYING to stay committed... it's hard when you feel unloved and unwanted....

    Should I stay of should I go??????

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  • by Precious2010 on June 18th, 2010

    Precious2010

    OMG!!! Men make me sick more and more. They get a woman that first they have sex with a lot, almost every day. And, after awhile it stops or it fades away completely OR if you lucky you make have sex WHEN HE WANTS IT!!!! That's a BS.

    For women with these problems please read a book "Peter Pan Syndrome" - Men Who Have Never Grown Up. It's a great book. But, it may not answer all questions about sex drives and men with no sex interests. I get so MAD, so many times because I get turned DOWN ALL THE TIME. I mean, all the time... it's pissing me off more and more that I don't know what else to do. He pretends like everything is ok, but it's NOT. He tells me I'm crazy because NO ONE has sex everyday... I don't even ask for each day, but more often than none. I always have to wait for WHEN HE IS READY. F that. I am sick of it. I have been with him on and off for almost 4yrs. I am 35 and he is 38. He is cold to me and he critizes me a lot. Never tells me anything nice.

    I am pretty, go to the gym everyday, run and smart and work FT. Take care of my 2 children, one is his (6months old daughter and my son is 13yrs old). He is always with his buddies or watching games or else. He shows me no interest in me and I am getting to the point "I DON'T CARE" and want to look for love else where. I am trying to be as faithful as possible, but it's getting on my nerve. And, when I tell him how I feel he tells me "I'm crazy." Oh I'm so sick of that "CRAZY" word all the time... I am from Europe and I take care of myself well... other people find me very attractive and compliment me all the time, but my OWN man WON'T. We are not married and I know never will get married. One time he told me sex is NOT NEW anymore, so I said that's why we have no sex? He didn't answer. He is weird and I am sick of it so much... any suggestions?

    A man should always take care of his woman sexually or any way she desires because woman will do whatever man wants. She is always be there for him, yet nothing for her. Sex is part of connection and love and passion and attachment. It should be there like food and air we breath. Men are selfish and mean and rude and unappriciative. I do everything and I am always ready for him and he never is to me. I am so angry!!!
    Oh another thing: he will watch porn and play with himself and I hate that!!! I am in a bed waiting for him to come and he in the living room playing with himself and not taking care of me. That's a BS. I cut all his DVDs... I hate it... how can that be that a man can please himself with these sick videos or internet and not take care of his woman? OMG! I am so mad again. I think there are a lot of men that are just sick! I don't know how much longer I can stay with him. I already looked for a place to live on my own with my 2 children. It is too painful for me. I have a lot of energy and NO LOVE!! That's not cool! Any suggestions on that too?

    Thank You! Precious2010!

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  • by cheech26 on January 23rd, 2011

    cheech26

    i am in the same position. i have been with my bf for five years and have one child. we have a house and a dog. we have everything together, but a formal marriage. over the years, there has always been an issue with our sex life. in the beginning, it was great. every time we saw each other, there was sex. after six months, it dwindled. then we got pregnant, that in itself was another issue. we have tried couples counseling and talking and compromising. i would love to have it two to three times a week (as long as we can, due to our daily lives it can difficult), but i have compromised to once a week. there have been times when we both are just simply exhausted and it doesn't happen, but my expectation is that is will in the upcoming week. he is like a yoyo, he will follow thru and then other times no. then i become upset because my sex drive is much higher and i simply love being with him and the intimacy of it all. he has approached me and said nothing is going to change.i need to make the decision on whether or not to stay or go. it has come to this. he knows i am unhappy. but i find it difficult to believe or at least wrap around my brain that two people cannot be together because of sex/love making. we have a great relationship otherwise, traveling, our child, our home, our friends and time spent together (non sexual). how can two people who have all this not work it out or want to. now i want to work it out, but that is me all the time. obviously, it is typically the woman (and with everything i do, i should be the one saying no, but that is not the case), but i know now there are men out there who say no to sex. but again i say, you have two people who love each other and sex is the issue.!!!! any thoughts out there, about what we can do or another approach to take.
    Thanks

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  • by Melissa_P2141 on February 17th, 2011

    Melissa_P2141

    When I spoke with my boyfriend about this topic he told me his penis goes soft if the house is messy. I get so angry because I have to deal with his upsetting habits i.e. video games!!! He tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful, but acts like he doesn't want to touch me. He makes me feel like some sex starved beast. Help?

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  • by Sara_G5367 on April 6th, 2012

    Sara_G5367

    im 20 my boyfriend is 46 n we leave in different state so we offen have phone sex but lately he been telling me no i dont know if he miss me in want the real thing but lately i have been begging for sex n crying for it=/ i dont know what to do im a full time nanny so its hard to have sex when he wants it.

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  • by Daniela_P on April 11th, 2012

    Daniela_P

    my boyfriend make me feel like i have a problem, like he says i rely on sex but is like i have to beg for it, yesterday he was giving me oral sex and he said can he stop now he tired and then said can i finish myself off cause he is not horny that hurt my feelings so much. I try an dress sexy and seduce him but he says he stressed about work or he tired or he not in the mood, me been a fool i cry and feel so unwanted so ugly it hurts to be rejected by the man you love why doesn't he want to have sex with me as much as i do. Is there something wrong with me as a woman, has he feeling changed i just feel at limbo so uncertain not secure and not wanted at all and worst thing makes me loose confidence and feel ugly.I'm i the problem is it me? i don't what to do about the situation or how to feel just feel down and cry :( Help!!!

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  • by EddyG on April 30th, 2012

    EddyG

    Allow me to share one male's POV.
    I'm not saying this goes for all guys
    but I'm sure at least something here will be in the ballpark.

    Reasons I've said 'no' in the past:

    Over the years, sex with the same woman—who to this day I love with all my heart mind you—got boring and started to feel more like serious work than play. Like it was a job and I had to be good at it. I've no idea what it's like for a woman but for me sex became tiring physical labor that I almost always felt I was being graded on. Worse still I was my own competition. Or at least the 'me' from the beginning of the courtship when things were new and was "fantastic in the sac". [As an aside, the hormones released when a relationship is new—and the couple are both maybe years younger—goes a long way to aid in the bedroom; years after they fade and you're on your own it's like a pro athlete who stops using steroids but is still expected to compete at the same impossibly high level.] OR I was—and no man wants to think about this—comparing myself to lovers past. *shudder* Eventually I developed an almost performance anxiety panic that people who talk on stage in front of large crowds tend to get. Rather than disappoint—or God forbid "shrink" in the heat of the moment and suffer the ultimate humiliation—it just became easier to avoid it all together.
    This just led to an internal shame/guilt cycle that made the situation far worse. Ladies, the reason we don't want to talk about it again and again is because we probably are already beating ourselves up over it in our minds 24/7. I know for me, I eventually became afraid she was going to leave me which made the entire thing worse –especially since I had no idea how to fix the problem (and as we all know men hate not being able to fix things).
    To complicate matters further, my performance anxiety didn't actually kill my libido. So it shifted more towards fantasy. You see monogamy and biology don't mix. For the most part men adore their women. And as the years go by and you build a life together and entwine yourselves together you grow to love that person more and more each day. You can't imagine a happy life without her. BUT, biologically you are programmed deep inside you very DNA to want to fornicate with practically anything with a pulse. Now for some that leads to affairs. However their are those that take monogamy seriously and refuse to cheat. But the dilemma (and physical urges) remain. So… you refuse to even consider cheating but need the visual stimulation/gratification of a variety of women. What shall one do?
    Want to feel obnoxiously entitled and hate yourself at the same time? Watch modern porn. First off the guys are abnormal. Gone are the days of 70's mustaches and pot bellies. Today these guys are (usually) in shape like the men in fitness magazines. And of course, it must be said, they're also usually well equipped. So if you already don't hate yourself for not getting to the gym enough and/or being unable to please the woman you love (and may be afraid you're losing) you soon will be once you seen how woefully inadequate you are.
    Moving on to the women, though you probably don't think very much of yourself anymore, you paradoxically feel entitled to a woman who is ENTIRELY UNREALISTIC in body, mind, and soul. Due to surgery, hair/make-up, once in a lifetime genetics and camera trickery they look almost computer-generated perfect. Worse yet, they come in any and ALL shapes and sizes if you look long enough. Eventually women you'd swear were Hollywood special-effects come to life were you see them walking down the street are no longer hot enough or of a particular height/weight/haircolor/ethnicity/body shape etc.,etc.,etc. The selection is practically unlimited! And so are the things they do. Things you didn't even know were things until you stumbled across them (and now you can't get out of your head)! Eventually you become desensitized and no one in real life could hope to compete with the lies you've been watching all afternoon on your day off from that job you HATE and is slowly crushing your will to live. I'll also say that some of the stuff I saw, while highly arousing, and that I perhaps fantasizing about doing myself, were acts I would NEVER want to do with someone I actually loved and respected. Half because I thought to highly of them and half because I wouldn't want them to know I found this stuff even mildly of a turn-on even if a fantasy. These women become soulless sex-objects of the highest order. They're objects you desire and lust after yet want nothing to do with in any meaningful way.
    I've not mentioned the things she legitimately did that didn't help (e.g. constant schedule conflicts, somewhat flirty behaviour, constant complaints about difficulties, etc). A saint she isn't. But for right now lets add things all up. You hate how you look, you hate how you perform, you might be bored and/or less attracted to your mate, she can sometimes (unintentionally) get you aggravated and the physical act of sex seems like an obligation or chore (oh, have I forgot to mention life stresses like: money troubles, impossible job demands, healthy issues, child care, time constraints, outside commitments, i.e. day to day REAL LIFE). For all these reasons and more you are tired and frustrated. Now any little thing in life can set you off, or rather, turn you off. No wonder you're "not in the mood right now".

    There's more to be said of course, and honestly SOMETIMES at least some of the blame can also be placed on the partner since no one is perfect, but this is off the top of my head. Bottom line and one thing I want to make ABUNDANTLY CLEAR: Much more often than not, it has less to do with you, the GF/wife then you might think. We love you. We want to be around you. We adore the time we spend with you. You're the bright spot in our otherwise miserable day to day lives. We just have A LOT of stuff going on inside our head and 1) the most important sex organ a man possesses is his mind 2) we typically hate talking about this stuff if we can't fix it.

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  • by tiamari on May 2nd, 2012

    tiamari

    I will be 40 this year. I am attractive and have a high, adventerous sex drive. My first relationship lasted nearly 13 yrs. He just told me he didn't have a high sex drive like most men. I'd have to beg, get turned down when I came on to him (who passes a naked girl spread eagle on the top of the stairs??? Oh, he has a tv show he had to watch), then eventually it led to me aksing to get penciled in for a date, which would take several weeks for him to get back to me. I accepted it and masturbated to satisfy myself. For many other reasons than that, I left him. However I have been with my husband, age 40, for just over 2 yrs, married for almost 1. Turns out sex was amazing forst 3 months, then he was disinterested. I noticed he had the inability to physically cum (no sprem). I thought it was weird and pushed the issue. He masterbated to last longer. Then over time he couldn't even hold an errection during sex. I was exhausted and frustrated trying to keep him hard, which made me less turned on, and ultimately not having orgasims myself because I was focused on him. i did tons of reserach online. over masterbation leads to inability to cum and causes impotence due men getting used to their own touch which is rougher than the vagina. It took months of talking and crying and FIGHTING because he wasn't having sex with me. BELIEVE me when I tell you if he says he isn't masterbating HE IS LYING!!!!

    The internet has made pron so accessible and with smartphone, forget it- your sex life is null in void because of it! Eventually, he did admit to a masterbation/porn addiction. It took time and almost loosing me for him to realize it was not a normal behavior to choose porn/self sex over a comitted relationship. He voluntarily got rid of his smartphone, which has helped so much. I couldn't handle horrible sex 2-3 days a week. Sex began to improve in many ways without his use of porn. However, with masterbation addiction, it is something that is like be addicted to drugs (look at Candeo's website). He began loosing errections and lying about masterbating. I knew he stoppped at home, but found out that he was doing it at work in the bathroom by confronting him.

    I am committed to my marriage and God knows it takes strength and love to be faithful when you are not being fulfilled. After a bad, huge fight, he decided that he had to make changes and truly look at his behavior and why he chose to masterbate. There are many studies and research out there that back masterbation can be an addicition. If masterbation does not affect a relationship then fine, but if it does and if the behavior is compulsive, then it is a problem. When it is preferred over having sex with a real partner, that is a red flag. We are preparing to get him treatment through Candeo (candeobehaviorchange.com).

    I just don't want to go through this again. I hate the media for always portraying men after sex and not getting it versus women wanting it and not getting it. Reality is men are interested in having sex with lots of women, not one woman. With porn and cheating, it's no wonder girlfriends and wives get sex at all, even if the sex is amazing! My husband has far less experience and partners, I think his self-esteem relies on the fantasy to fulfill his unsuccessful quest for women. Personally, I feel he should be greatful and cherish a beautiful woman who became his wife and wants him...he realizes this and loves me. I can only hope treatment will help him overcome his problem.

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  • by Cyber2012 on March 19th, 2012

    Cyber2012

    Hello, it's rough when one wants to and the other one doesn't. I'm sure that you will find if you beg and beg it sometimes works but maynot feel right. here is what you should try...
    when you want to have sex, try to become more sexually visual. a man cannot resist getting hard when he sees sexual advances, take his hand and place it on your breast or when your alone walk around topless, bottomless or both. he will be prevoked into an errection which will lead to sex hopefully. try this it might work. Cheers!, Cyber2012.

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  • by gixbusa on February 7th, 2012

    gixbusa

    Ladies from a older guys point of few. I am 29. My girlfriend is prob like alot of you ladies out there that wants it all the time. I almost think there is a prob with her sometimes in the relationship way though. Sex is a very awesome thing don't get my wrong. We used to do it alot but at the same time after reading amyjeans post up top I very much think she has man figured out. Some of us guys, like you ladies would like to see effort placed into it. Now do not get me wrong I am sure their are some of you that do make the effort of buying the sexy clothes and all. Some of us guys are just tired of having to be the one to constantly hear nagging about how much sex you don't get or why does it not happen as much. I tend to wanna have sex more when I am not bugged about it as amyjean has prob figured with her man. Yes we still love you and no we are not finding it other places. Yes we can be turned off by you asking or complaining about it cause believe it or not we have things on our mind also. I am a fireman along with other things in Dallas and doing so you can believe with CE (continued education)..work and all that sex is not the first thing on the mind. I love my gf to death but sex is not why I am with her and I am sure your bf's/husbands feel the same. I used to do all the romance and all with my gf but its died down. I dont wanna feel like a prick writing this but sometimes we love just having you all around and in our arms and not complaining about what we are doing wrong...period. We just wanna be romanced and have special treatment like amyjean listed above. Women just cant expect us to just be the one way street that does it all. They say love is a two way street...so lets make it that way. If we were to go back to love is one way then hand me a lions fur and a club....

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  • by LostinLove25 on February 28th, 2011

    LostinLove25

    IM IN THE SAME SITUATION GIRL !!! i am 26 have a 2 yr old son and a 3 month old son and i am not as attractive as i used to be gained 18 pounds since having both kids but even tho i am 3 months post preg i want to have sex all the time every day then more he doesnt he tells me to get a vibrator but not only can he not keep up with me he has a problem checkin out other girls aSS'S he dont even look at their face unless he sees it first it pisses me off but then tells me i love you i only want you were engaged im not ugly i dont think others dont think other men check me out i catch them ill tell my man he dont care am i trippin is there somthing wrong am i too much for gim but at the same time not enough?

    this is me and his cousin
    i have black hair am i ugly this was taken new yrs 2 months ago and ive even lost weighbt since the =(

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  • by cathy.alvarez3 on March 3rd, 2011

    cathy.alvarez3

    I am happy i found this site... I really started to think i had a problem. At least that’s what he makes me believe. I am 36 had 2 boys and always been sexual active. I ended my marriage for this exact issue and now with my bf he is always tired and he complains i never get enough. It is really sad to be in this situation.

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  • by Jordan_G7465 on March 29th, 2011

    Jordan_G7465

    The Truth from a guy:
    At the beginning of a relationship (the first 6 months) the average sex life is 7-14 times a week. By the one year mark the average is approximately 8.4 times a week.

    This is certainly true of all of my relationships until i came to a realization: i was bored with static sex. Ive spoken with my male friends and they agree. Sex happens around the same time, in the same places and with the same lines.

    Just because we are less turned on doesn't mean we don't find you AS attractive; it doesn't mean we don't love you ... simply put we're bored.

    After i came to this realization i subtly suggested that i'd like more massages, being kissed down my back and arms and well more foreplay.

    Four years later and our sex life is better than it ever was.

    Another important thing to remember is guys need space. It's a really good idea if you go away for the weekend, and don't call (yes i know how that sounds) but when you come back we'll be really happy to see you and we'll be really horny.. why? because it's not our regular routine ...

    Believe me when I say it's not your fault at all ...men or in this sense boys are too immature and have to large of an ego to admit their sexual needs are not being met because there is this myth that you can rub our crotches and we're good to go.

    For those arguing against this is not normal ...

    There are women that instantly turn us on and we can have sex with over and over and over...the difference is ....we either think of them as a piece of meat or we are incredibly in love with you...most likely the former than the latter :) speaking from experience

    hope this helps ladies

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  • by xeva on May 3rd, 2011

    xeva

    most guys YOU KNOW want sex all the times, dont stereotype and leave ur bf alone!

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  • by cambsman on February 11th, 2007

    cambsman

    I dont like the word normal - but lets generalise.
    This depends a great deal on your ages.
    Men reach their sexual peak at about 18. When a large number of us havent even started!
    Women reach their sexual peak at around 36-40.
    By peak I mean their highest sexual drive.

    So if you are both 18, in most relationships, I think you will find the man wants it more than the woman.
    As you both get older, his libido will go down and yours will rise.
    At some stage - it is likely to be you with the higher desires than him.
    Also men get better at it as they get older. Mainly becuase women demand more, so if women start to enjoy it more, they want it more....

    There is also a difference between men "wanting it" - by that seeing soemthing they fancy and actually having the energy to do it. Mens heads will always be turned by a pretty girl. Especially if that is not their normal partner. However that doesnt mean they are ready or willing or able.

    These are of course generalisations. What is normal for one couple may not be normal for another.

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