It might be wanting to be cheating. But it's not actually cheating. Would looking at the menu at a restaurant be the same as eating? Could you be arrested for thinking of shoplifting? You have to commit an actual act of cheating with another person to have it count as cheating.

If that's true, then every time you see a pretty girl and comment on her looks you are cheating...it just isn't true.

i guess u think all sexual desires are turned off the minute you have a bf/gf or marry someone. from your logic, if a guy sees a beautiful girl and he's attracted to her too, it's cheating on his wife right? i mean his mind is telling him that he wants to do her ( the attraction), so it's really cheating according to you . i'm assuming you r a woman. if your guy wants to look at porn let him. he's not gay now because he's dating you .

I disagree. How can you cheat on your s/o with someone that you've never met?

So would viewing porn together be acceptable? It's ok to be turned on by porn so long as you slake your lust on your s/o? In answer to your question I don't think it's cheating. They're looking at a 2 dimensional image.

This sounds like a Christian perspective. I'm not a Christian; but one of the things that always puzzled me about Christianity and sex is the customary equation of "lust" with "sexual desire." If sexual desire is wrong, then it's wrong everywhere (outside of marriage). This means it's wrong during courtship, even if the person you desire is your fiancee. This seems unworkable to me. After all, sexual desire is one of the reasons for Christian marriage ("it is better to marry than to burn [with unsatisfied sexual desire]," 1 Cor. 7:9. The obvious conclusion is that lust and sexual desire are not the same thing. There is another passage in the New Testament that speaks of lust of a different kind: 1 John 2:16 speaks of "lust of the eye." This is what first clued me in to what I believe is the essential nature of lust: covetousness, the desire to possess. What is it about coveting a person that is sinful? Is it the sexual aspect? or is it treating the other person as an object for one's gratification, irrespective of her personhood? I would say the sexual aspect is just the context in which this kind of lust operates. Why does it get its own mention in 1 John 2, if lust of the flesh is merely a special case of lust of the eye? Perhaps because it is so prevalent, a category where lust manifests in a very big way. So, what about porn? Is the porn user seeking to possess the woman in the picture? I would guess not. He's fantasizing. Is there a difference between looking at a photograph of a woman and thinking of an image he creates in his mind? What about pornographic stories? Incidentally, people fantasize about things they would never want to do in real life. Some women have rape fantasies, which they would certainly never want in real life. Fantasy - projection - is a way of working out inner struggles. So, all this to say, maybe the porn user doesn't really want to possess, or even share intimacy with (in the way of giving himself, which wouldn't be covetous) the woman in the picture or story. Maybe it's just a fantasy. Again, I'm not a Christian, so I can't advise you on matters of discipleship. Certainly there is value in self-control. And maybe porn is sinful altogether from a Christian perspective; I don't know. But I *do* think this "sexual desire = lust (?)" issue is one that Christians should address, if only for the sake of their teenagers, burgeoning with hormones, who may be getting the idea that their natural urges are sinful, when maybe they aren't. For what it's worth. Incidentally, there's an article on the similarity between lust and covetousness, written by someone who I think is a Christian, at this address: http://www.wineskins.net/pdf/Snyder_Love_vs_Lust.pdf. His view is different from mine, but it's food for thought. :)

Physically cheating and mentally cheating are two different things. By the way if the person wants to date other people he should just talk to his/her partner. The person has knowledge of what is going on, nobody gets hurt. As for porn they are merely excersizing their sexual desires. Nothing wrong with that.

Well I have no use for "porn", looking at pictures or reading text never did make me "horney". However - I don't reguard "porn" itself as a bad - or in my case - useless thing. Photographs of naked people can be art sometimes, or mildly interesting, or just wasted printers ink - it depends on what the person looking at it gets from it. Does that person now disreguard his own real life sexual pardner for a videotape or a magazine centerfold? Most likely not - a movie isn't a live person who holds you and kisses you, it's a mear shadow of events that happened some time ago - perhaps so long ago that those in the movie are dead...and what sexual pleasure can one get from a DVD or a magazine page when it is touched and fondled? Little if any I would think. Using your logic, anything could be reguarded as cheating. If your riding a motercycle for pleasure and not your "signifigant other" then isn't that cheating? He or she is getting satisfaction from a machine and not you right? If you think breifly about a former lover during sex isn't that cheating too? If you rollplay during sex isn't that pretending your someone other than yourself during sex and isn't that like cheating in a way? Pornography as we know it isn't a problem, a statue, a photograph, a movie are not substatutes for human contact - lusting for something isn't like actually DOING SOMETHING - we all have our "lusts", better jobs, nicer cars & homes, better grades, etc, so "lusting" isn't "bad" thing either - it's normal. Finally as to the actual viewing of porn in groups - I have never understood this but then again porn does nothing for me either. As a group activity or alone, you see actors on a screen having intercourse - whoppie! Maybe you will learn some new sexual positions - maybe you'll see some weird camera angles, or see just how bad acting can really be and still be called "acting", you may even get excited and horney, but what you won't get is a flesh and blood person with whom your sex pardner is going to run away with and fornicate with while ignoring you. Ponography is just the documentation of real and sometimes fantastical human interaction. It is no more "bad" than it is "good", and to feel jelousy over a picture or movie or whatever is nonsence. Even sex toys themselves have nothing on "the real thing" and are simply masturbation aids and their use shoudn't be reguarded as "cheating" either. Lighten up Abstract - no bit of "ponography" will replace you - so there's nothing to feel worried about here.

Let me say that I don't like porn. I'm not too fond of my boyfriend watching it, and I don't like the fact that the industry is here to stay. However, I don't consider it cheating when he watches it alone (even though I don't like it). I guess it depends on what your definition of cheating is. In my opinion "lusting" is not cheating. It's human. I have heard from many guys that when they watch porn they don't necessarily stare at the female in the movie, and wish they were acting it out with specifically her. They enjoy watching the *act*, and basically just imagine that they're having sex. Men are visual. I mean, for all you know he could be watching it and imagining himself having intercourse with you. Then that wouldn't be lusting after another woman, right? Guys...feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on this it's just what I've heard from a few different men. I just thought I would share that with you. I used to think about it the same way as you, but after hearing the above from different men I've changed the way I think about it.

Okay, here I am to solve the cheating crisis. Viewing pornography, even while alone, is not cheating. Men are visual creatures, and most of the time want visual stimulation when they masturbate. Some other guys like to use their imaginations when they get off. So, knowing these two things, is imagining a tall, hot, blond woman, while you masturbate count as cheating if your partner is not tall, hot, or blond? If watching pornography counts as cheating, so does using your imagination. Not all of us want to imagine our bf/gf while we masturbate.

Do you happen to follow this verse? "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." - Matthew 5:28 (KJV) Just wondering.

I for one agree 100%

I personally think alot of guys look at porn to keep themselves from cheating with an actual person. Guys can get aroused pretty easy throughout the day, which creates pent up frustration, some guys just release that frustration in a safe outlet so they don't actually hurt anybody. In the long term relationships I've been in, the men never get enough sex, no matter how much she gives. If your partner can't give you the release, this is a safe way to do so. Besides, sex with your partner increases intimacy, which increases vulnerability, which is just not something people want to increase all of the time. There is a time to increase vulnerability and a time to hold back, depending on what might be going on in your relationship at the time. It might seem courageous to go all out on the intimacy, but the emotional needs to parallel the physical to a certain extent. If you don't feel that you know the person well enough yet to increase your vulnerability with that person, then this is another safe outlet. I would liken this to a wise decision. I don't know that I can speak for all guys, but this is just what I think based off of myself and others I have spoken with so far. Maybe self-control is the best decision, but alot of us just aren't up for that or have failed trying.

No I do not agree. If my husband stayed true to me and never ever was with another woman, he could watch all the porn he wanted. As long as it was on TV. I don't want him going to strip clubs. It could not be in person. If it was on TV, with or without me, I would NOT consider it cheating.

Although I understand your viewpoint, I don't consider viewing porn as cheating. I think of it as indulging in a harmless fantasy and nothing more.

I don't think it's necessarily cheating. If the person watching porn is unhappy and wishing to escape, then he may cheat, but the porn itself isn't cheating. It's just a possible indicator of relationship unsatisfaction (people do tend to retreat into fantasies when they're unhappy with the reality of their relationships). I think porn falls in that nebulous category of behaviors that aren't actually cheating, but could be upsetting to your partner. If it will make one's partner jealous, then I don't think one should watch porn, as a sign of respect for the other person's feelings.

I agree with Abstract that looking at porn within marriage is cheating, but to give light on those who don't think so I'll try to explain their point of view the way I see it. Cheating means the violation of the rules in the marriage. Treating it as a sort of game, the point of monogamous marriage is to stay faithful to your spouse. Cheating is using some other means to keep of the guise of fidelity without actually being faithful. That means if you have urging sexual desires in you that your partner can't fill, so you have to resort to other men/women to whet your appetite, and still remain in the marriage, that is a breaking of the rules. It depends on your marriage vows, the conditions made on what makes or breaks fidelity. If you vowed simply to love and cherish the other with no other stipulations, even having sex may not be considered cheating when you put it that way. If you vow that you would only love the other person (meaning no one else) looking at porn might very well be considered cheating. The foundation of marriage rests on the vows made, I think. Cheating is a just breaking of those vows. Why do I consider looking at porn cheating? Men will have fantasies; you can't stop that from happening. When men voluntarily yield to those fantasies and gratify themselves and lust after other women, when having sworn all their devotion to just one person, that is a breach against the sacred bond between two people in my opinion. One has to remember that porn is not just a graphical documentation of two or more people having sex or doing sexual things; simply put, it's any picture or movie that was intended to sexually gratify or arouse. If you watch two people having sex, you might not be lusting really after a person (as opposed to the activity) but if you look at a softcore photograph in an erotic magazine where the participant is not engaging in any sexual activity but is posing for the camera, that is lusting. You'd might as well hire a stripper and call it safe. But that to me is unacceptable.

As long as you don't flame me. :P To me, cheating is when you agree to a monogamous relationship and then start another (whether sexual or romantic) relationship with someone else. So, it has to involve someone else and their lusting/loving/whatever back. I have no problem with my SO thinking someone else is attractive, because it happens to everyone and I view putting mental blocks on yourself as unnatural. As long as both of the people in the monogamous relationship want/love/lust after eachother more than other people, it shouldn't be a problem. I know for a fact that my boyfriend would never cheat on me and that he prefers sex with me to watching porn, so I don't care if he does -- it's not something either of us takes seriously (we often make fun of porn together). If the person watching porn seems to use it as a way to escape from reality or prefers it to sex with their SO, then yes, it's a problem. But otherwise, I just can't see it as cheating. I hope that makes sense.

In the first place watchng pornogrphy is viewed as a wrong thing across the world and i also feel the same. In my view there are limitations to watch pornography. Any movie or viewing any picture lustfully is wrong. But if a porn is watched for curiosity or for sake of just viewing to kill lonliness than i dont think it is wrong. There is no physical abuse or wrong done to anyone if just watched without lusting. I can justify that watching porn once in a while without lust is fine, but if it is addiction and for lustful pleasure, it is wrong. But the best is not to get pulled into pornography. As per many surveys, the people who are having unhealthy releationship and people who are depressed in life are the people who watch porn more. This is mr personel view.

what about lusting after the hottie you see walking down the street, and you undress them in your mind...is that not unlike porn to you? You think that is different or no?

I watch it with girls and we share sex at that time.

I have absolutely no problem with my husband viewing pornography without my presence. Do you view masturbation alone as cheating? Pornography is just a masturbatory aid for most people. Obviously, it can get out of hand, but in general, I find it to be a very innocent thing. I'm secure and confident enough in myself that my husband's viewing of other attractive women as a way to get off doesn't threaten me at all. I also don't get bent out of shape if he checks out a hot girl in public. I know where his heart lies, and I trust him completely. I view women who have issues with such things as insecure. My husband doesn't view pornography alone often. I would have a problem if his usage suddenly increased...not because I'd view it as cheating, but because it would signify something else was wrong in our relationship.

I hate pornography unless you are able to view it as the hysterical pathetic joke it is. Sexuality shouldn't require props and help in that way. If a man needs it, he is addictive, has no imagination and has unrealistic ideals concerning both women and sex in general. It is for the weak if you ask me. It was studied also, that men have a chemical process in their brains that most women dont which makes it twice as addictive as heroin. It is a degenerative disease because as the endorphins in the brain adjust... You will need more and more of it and in worse and worse ways over time unless the person has a moral set that enables them to reel it in and control it, it will almost always degenerate into the seedy.

Porn is dehumanising. Its all about the imagined sensations of doing or experiencing this or that private act that would quite possibly turn you cold, in real life. The people used to enact these ideas for film are nothing more than body parts. Objects. I don't think using porn as a tool is necessarily wrong. It can take an underlying, niggling, distracting sexual current, help magnify it until there's enough there for an orgasm, and then get rid of it. Its a form of physical relief, nothing else. I appreciate people who haven't seen much porn will feel discomfort, feel that this is somehow shocking and therefore very personal indeed, but honestly, the more you see, the more farcical it becomes. Its very often formulaic and naff and embarrassing. When I get curious (or have an itch that needs scratching and my husband not there to help) then I prefer internet porn because it somehow feels safer and less tawdry to 'channel hop', which obviously you can't do with a single at-home magazine or dvd. That somehow seems more purposeful.

I don't think that watching porn means lusting after the actors/actresses in the movie. At least for me, the visual stimulation just helps me get in the mood when I am alone and helps me get off more quickly. I have no problem with my boyfriend watching porn when I am not there and I DEFINITELY don't see it as cheating. You say that you see viewing porn ALONE is cheating, but what about when you're with your partner and watching it together? Do you think watching porn together makes your partner NOT lust after the actors? I don't quite understand your reasoning.

You can't cheat with a picture, or a video of someone you'll never meet.

That is ridiculous. If viewing porn is cheating, then just walking down the street or beach and looking at another woman is cheating. How about admiring a nice cleavage? Cheating? How about noticing a nice pair of jeans on a woman that happens to be pretty? Cheating? You are drawing a very clear line a 'viewing' something, and that is practically impossible to avoid in the real world, unless you live on a deserted island.

lets face it, everyone checks out other people, but if they arent meeting them its not cheating. if your man jerked off in the shower is it cheating? sometimes i think it is healthy to watch porn because lets face it, the same person and the same routine probably gets boring, so watching porn actually probabl;y saves the relationship by keeping him from wandering elsewhere to break up the boring. best advice? watch it with them and make it about you too, put a racy movie on one night and use it as an aid for you guys in the bedroom, and i bet he doesnt watch too much of it once you guys get started, it can really be a good thing in a relationship

Its just supposed to be there when no one else is. If you do it yo still arent cheating your just blowing a load.

Looking porn alone may be spelled like the partner says: "You are not so sexsually attractive to me". Note that if the husband refrains from viewing porn, the wife does not become automatically more sexually attractive, so I recommend to work on the root cause.

I do not consider it cheating, i consider it getting ready for when i get home!

i don't agree with you but probably nothing i can write would change your mind. porn is arousing to watch and its stimulating. i will admit there is a very fine line that a man can cross from just watching some porn to where it consumes his time and thoughts. but porn is just like walking in a mall, a man sees a pretty girl dressed sexy he can't help but look and probably think think things he would like to do, but he never acts.

I personally think viewing porn is cheating, at least in his mind.Plus, if he lies about it and tries to hide it from you then he is just being sneaky, and who needs someone like that in their life? I am really tired of the excuse that men need visual stimulation... What about the poor blind guy then? Is he destined to be sexless because he can't watch porn? I recently told my s/o that I masturbated to some hot guy I saw in a movie(just to get a reaction) and he flipped out. Double standard? You Betcha.

i agree with u as well on this factor

no, i think cheating is when someone gets involved physically and emotionally with another human being who isn't their partner. not with a person on the tv screen. consider that as their "alone time" and be thankful that its not with another person.

I ask my boyfriend about this all of the time as it frustrates me. I used to watch it, but I don't anymore now that I have him. He is neutral on the subject, as in he doesn't care if he watches it or not. He says it is NOT the people in the magazines or the videos. He doesn't think about the woman at all. It is presence of sex. People prefer to watch porn because it is "boring" to just masturbate by themselves. Some people need visual aides I suppose as it heights the feeling. Plus he says that sometimes the background can be nice, such as some are set on beautiful Islands and whatnot to keep it interesting. I guess that is the fantasy part of it. I still disapprove of it, but I don't care what other couples or people do. Sometimes I just wish I didn't care about it, but it is a strong issue with me. It feels as if I am the isolated one and everyone else has one way of thinking. I don't really mind that, but its the fact that my b/f disagrees with my opinion. I wish he would see the same as me, but that would be selfish I think. At least he loves me enough to stop when I asked him. This is an ongoing battle with myself, but I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't really that big of a deal as long as he loves me and nothing interferes with us. I hope one day I will come to terms with it and have it just not bother me anymore. It's hard. :/

I can see your point , my husband a nd I watch porn together ,to intensify our sex. but seperately I dont approve for the same reason.I tell my husband this If I dont make you hard then we have a problem. Because when I masturbate I thinking of him and no one else.He get me wet just thinking about him.

With the real thing who needs porn

I feel that sometimes people that are viewing porn aren't necessarily lusting after the people they're watching. Sometimes just watching the actual act of sex can be a turn on. I don't watch porn anymore because my fiance' feels the same as you, but when I was I wasn't wishing I was having sex with the people having sex, I just enjoyed watching them. I also must disagree with the fact that if you're lusting after someone else, you're cheating on your s/o. It's totally natural to be attracted to many different people. If it wasn't why would we need marriage or anything like it? You would just find that one person you're attracted to and be with them forever and never think anyone else is attractive. So a commitment of any kind would be unnecessary because no one else would appeal to you. That's kind of what relationships and marriage is, it's kind of like saying no matter what else comes around or no matter how tempted you get you won't do anything with anybody else. You can't control your thoughts, you can only control how you react to your thoughts. I disagree but I still respect and understand your point of view. +4

I feel the same as the person who wrote the question. I think that cheating comes in different forms. To me this would be a form of cheating. However, if a couple agrees to it then of course it is not cheating.

Being that most cultures have always promoted sex appeal (men as well as women) as a way to succeed in your social and promotional life, and proves to be true a lot of the time; How can you expect someone that you are in a relationship with to not have sexual thoughts about someone else? As advertisers will all agree, "Sex Sells." A scantly clad female or male form tends to trigger the instinctual sexual desire within most of us, which is linked to whatever product being sold. If you are demanding that your partner NEVER have a sexual thought about another person, you're asking them to do something that isn't natural. In fact, sometimes these desires are built up so much, people need to masturbate. It's a natural way to get release from such desires, and looking at porn is one way to build up enough physical desire to get the job done quickly. The very fact you seem concerned with what another person is thinking really reflects your own insecurities more then anything else. You essentially want to control THOUGHT, which doesn't sound like a fun thing for the other person. Since it's human nature to have such thoughts, you're basically forcing the other person to lie to you constantly. People should really be concerned with acting on those desires, not the thought of them. In fact, having lots of sexual thoughts and NOT acting out on them is more a demonstration of love then not having them at all. It's the people who don't know how to deal with temptation that tend to give into it. So, wanting to look at porn is perfectly natural. This insane need to dominate the will and desire of their partner that many exhibit (mostly women) is nothing more then insecurity and arbitrary social construction.