by sweetmaryjane on February 7th, 2007

sweetmaryjane

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What if you do if your parent or guardian drinks a bottle of wine everynight by themselves but they wont say that they have a problem

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  • by Redhawk on February 7th, 2007

    Redhawk

    It would depend upon my age. I'm 48 and own my own home and I don't HAVE TO spend quality time with someone who is harming themselves and also hurting me and other people in the process.

    I can confront them, I can offer to support them getting help, but if they refuse I may need to decide if spending time with them and they way they are choosing to behave is HEALTHY emotionally for ME. This doesn't mean I do not love the person. It means that I also have a duty to not force myself to live with chaos, lies, deceit, hurt and anger. It also means I do not have to support their behaviors by pretending that everything is OK...when in fact I do not believe it is ok at all.

    If I were under the age of 18, it's a bit of a different matter. I would have to decide if I wanted to report them to someone, starting with my school counselor perhaps, or even speak to someone at a Teen Hot Line. Even through I might be 16 to 18 I'm not legally an adult. My parent or guardian is supposed to help take care of me, and make decisions that with my own efforts added provide a safe, nurturing, supportive environment for ME to do my job...being a good student and helping out around the house to create a home. But the MAIN chore of creating a home...is supposed to be taken care of by the ADULTS... That is OUR job when we have young people in our lives.

    Unfortunately, you can offer help, you can love them with all your heart, you can pray, cry, scream, and get angry. NONE of that, with the possible exception of PRAYER...mostly prayer for strength to make good, loving decisions, and to forgive the person with the problem...THEY have to be the one to say "I need help, I'm ready to listen, can you help me?" And then they have to be willing to FOLLOW THROUGH with the steps to create changes in their behaviors. It's not easy, and it is hurtful, and sad...and if you cannot get them to discuss the problem...you do not HAVE TO put up with it in YOUR life. Saying NO MORE does not make YOU a mean person.

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