by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on February 28th, 2009

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Could you carry a baby for 9 months, give birth to the child, and STILL give it up for adoption? Wouldn't that haunt you for the rest of your life to know there was a child out there that is yours and you are not raising him/her?

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Answers. 28 helpful answers below.

by philip on February 28th, 2009
i probably couldn't do it, but I'm a guy and almost certain we're not supposed to be able to carry babies
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- Lolz
  
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  by Kittikat on February 28th, 2009
- Great humor, Thanks!
  
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by BigDaddyBS on March 1st, 2009
My ex-wife did... Pregnant at 17. Catholic. Unmarried, and no real boyfriend. Still in HS, accepted to Purdue for college.

Knowing she would not be able to provide for the baby, she went to a Catholic home for unwed mothers, had her baby, and gave it up for adoption, returning to school to graduate with her class. Then she went to Purdue.

Did it haunt her? Every year, around the third week of May she would get very melancholy, thinking about him, wondering if he was ok, what he was like, etc. This usually lasted a week or so, then she was herself, again.

Thing is, it was better for the baby AND for her to give it up as she did, and she knows that. The home has since shut down, and the lady she kept in contact with from there had died, I believe.

She's since put her info on a few adoption search websites, but from my understanding, hasn't heard anything. So either he never knew he was adopted, doesn't want to find her, or something happened when he was younger. I'm sure she hopes it's #1 or #2.

Again, though, it's not what's best for you, although that usually turns out to be the case, but what's best for the child. If you can afford it, have the time to spend with it, and have support from family, then go for it. If it would be better off with a loving family who CAN give it more than you can, then it might be better off to give it up.

AND, now-a-days, they have adoptions where the Mom who gave the child up is still in contact with the family, and can be part of the child's life.

Remember - What's best for the child?
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- Thank you! Very good insight!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- You're welcome. ;-)
  .
  I have a cousin who has three adopted children from other countries, and an ex-sister-in-law who has two. Every one of those children is VERY well loved. My uncle adopted his new wife's son as his own, one of my father's cousins adopted his wife's child(ren), AND, my grandfather was adopted by the man who married my great-grandmother after her husband died in the flu epidemic in the early 1900s. I've got a LITTLE experience in it! ;-)
  
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  by BigDaddyBS on March 1st, 2009
- Wow, it seems you do!!! I know very few people who were adopted. Thanks!!! :o)
  
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by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on March 1st, 2009
Apparently it didn't bother my mother, who had me and then promptly left both my father and me. I saw her once when I was ten years old.
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- I am so sorry, that had to be difficult for you. :o(
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- It took me many years, well into adulthood, to get over constantly feeling rejected, but get over it I did. : )
  
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  by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on March 1st, 2009
- That is great! Like they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Take care! ~April
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- I'm sorry Captain. I guess us women can suck too
  
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  by Little big mouth on March 1st, 2009
- Yes, at times we do. We deff have our moments!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- It's very difficult for a child to understand that there was nothing wrong with THEM to make their mother leave, but rather that there was something wrong with HER.
  
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  by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on March 1st, 2009
- Did you have a good life with your adoptive parents?
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- I was raised until the age of 12 by my father's parents, who let me pretty much do as I pleased. My father remarried when I was 12, and he came down on me like a ton of bricks. All of this is probably why I'm a survivor. : )
  
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  by CaptainHarley adores his life penguin on March 1st, 2009
- Ah, okay. :)
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
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by Flosson on March 1st, 2009
it would be very difficult
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by Sodapop on February 28th, 2009
What if you were raped and the child was because of that man? What if you KNEW you wouldn't be able to take care of that child? Would you want to go through that?
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- Not so sure. If I were pregnant due to a rape I would probably choose abortion to be totally honest.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on February 28th, 2009
- i would too. i wouldn't be able to live with the child in me. +5
  
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  by Sodapop on February 28th, 2009
- That is all I would think about...It would be a very unhealthy pregnancy for me and the baby I would imagine. Thanks!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on February 28th, 2009
- you're welcome. :)
  
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  by Sodapop on February 28th, 2009
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by anonymous on March 9th, 2009
I know this is an emotional topic but the alternative is to kill that child! Would that be easier to live with?

I am an adoptive parent who has an open adoption with the birth family so I am obviously pro adoption. I would definitely choose adoption over killing a child if faced with that situation.
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- Thank you for your insight! :o)
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 10th, 2009
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by Scrappy on March 1st, 2009
I raised my son 6 years and then gave him up for adoption. I often think of him but it doesn't haunt me because I KNOW he has a much better life than what I could give him. IT bothers me that I can't see him and know how he's doing after all I raised him 6 years. It bothers me that his parents decided after a few months that I was to "forget I even had a son and forget he existed" (they told me this).. They fail to realize that without me they wouldn't be parents. I think of and miss my son but I know he has a better life..and NEVER would I have aborted him. My son is almost 16 now.
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- Just reading your story made me feel really sad. My 8 year old is living with my sister right now and that is hard enough on me. You really must have given up so much to give your child a good home and a good life. I surely commend you for giving him what you could not give him at the time. It must be really difficult for you. Thanks so much, April
  
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by ThePrognosticAgnostic on March 1st, 2009
I can't speak to carrying the child and giving it up for an adoption, because I'm a guy, but I can say I sometimes "suspect" that an ex of mine may or may not have had a baby of mine, and it kills me sometimes wondering if there is a child and if it is okay.
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- Wow, that must be hard for you at times. Thanks for your answer!
  
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by Bluemuun on February 28th, 2009
It takes so much more than giving birth to give life. Some young women give their babies the greatest gift, a chance in life. The most unselfesh, love. In this they can smile and be proud instead of perhaps being haunted with abusive guilt.
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- Great answer! Thanks!
  
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by milk bags on February 28th, 2009
I would rather carry a baby for 9 months & give it up, instead of having an abortion....It would Haunt me to know I killed a child rather than giving him/her a shot at life!
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- Good insight! Thanks!
  
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by Sherri on February 28th, 2009
As hard as it would be, I would do it IF I could not care for the child...to give the child the BEST life possible and this sure would be a better alternative to abortion. A friend of my daughter has been trying for over 7 years now to get pregnant, jumping thru every hoop she can jump thru and still nothing...she would gladly welcome a child.
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- Aws! Thanks for your answer!
  
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by FairLady on March 14th, 2009
I probably couldn't do it. But in every family it depends on the circumstances.
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 14th, 2009
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by sickofgames on March 9th, 2009
i doubt very much that i could carry a child as i am a man,but you must be some hearted person to either kill or give away your child
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 10th, 2009
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by Designeedawn on March 2nd, 2009
I couldn't do it.
I could get an abortion, but would be too attached after 9 months to give it to strangers.
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 2nd, 2009
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by Anonymous on March 1st, 2009
Not if I knew that someone else could give the child a better life than I could.
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
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by il capo on March 1st, 2009
yeah and i totally feel that way about donating my eggs too!
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- Yes, I could not ever do that either. Thanks!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 10th, 2009
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by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
That must be hard, I know I couldn't do it, good thing we have abortion though.
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- I just can't imagine! Thanks for the answer! Have a good night!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- you think abortion is any easier?
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Well, hummmmm...Good question actually. In the long run I would imagine it might be. You wouldn't be wondering where your child was 15 years down the road. If you had an abortion, in 15 years (you would think anyway) the woman probably wouldn't think much of the Abortion she had many years before. Who knows though, really, unless you actually went through it to understand how that would feel.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- That's not true.
  I know someone who had an abortion nine years ago and she still regrets it. she still cries about it, all the time.
  If you put a baby up for adoption, at least you know that somewhere it's having a happy, hopefully healthy life.
  with abortion, there's no chance of that.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Yes I do. Like Autism said, you know there's not a kid out there that came from you. All you have to wonder about is "what if..." then you can just have a kid again if that person chooses to.
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- It can be true with some people, you knowing one person that regrets it doesn't speak for the whole population of women.
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- That's not true. that's not "all you have to wonder about". it's not something you can "just" do, have a kid again. you'll always regret not having the first one.
  Lots of people who get abortions aren't just people who are irresponsible, promiscuous teenagers that don't give a shit about the life inside of them.
  There are people who need abortions because of circumstance, because they wouldn't be able to raise a child and they know it.
  That doesn't mean they don't want that child. They might love that child with everything they have, but still need to abort it.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- And alike, you can't say it's easier for all women either.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Yes, that is very true Blackberry. This is just my particular feeling or opinion. I do not speak for the entire population of women of course. Thanks Blackberry & Doodle. :o)
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- Aye.
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- Everyone has their own feelings about Abortion. Thats why we have pro-lifers and pro-choice.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- This is not about pro-life, or pro-choice. I haven't voiced my views on whether abortion is right or wrong, and i don't plan to.
  I am just voicing the fact that it is not necessarily easier than adoption.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Ahh...Yes doodle, I understand and that is very true! It differs among the specific woman. And even a woman may not know unless she has been through it. Thank you for your insight!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- If you were aware of a woman, let's just say two women for example; one kept her baby and gave it up for adoption and felt horrible, then the other just had an abortion and didn't have the time to become attached to the person inside of her, and lacked the bond the other woman had, then she wouldn't feel as bad.
  .
  It is only one situation, some people are more apathetic, some sympathetic. So it's hard to say if it's a fact or not that one isn't easier than the other.
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- Your point is very valid. I just feel that the connection between a woman and her baby begins the minute she knows she is pregnant.
  .
  I agree, hence the "is not necessarily easier than adoption". necessarily is a key word, there.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- I can say from experience that bonding with the child inside you is a very strong sense. FOR ME it would be most difficult to give that child up after your maternal instincts kick in and take over your brain and your heart, THEN is when I would do everything within my power to keep the child. That is why I personally could never choose Adoption.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- It was nice and enlightening chatting with you good sir and ma'am, I'm about to pass out. Good night. ^^b
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- when did those maternal instincts kick in?
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Unless April is a sir, which I doubt, Blackberry, you are conversing with two ma'ams. :)
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- Goodnight Blackberry! Nope, I am a Ma'am :o) ... Soon after I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled! Those maternal instincts kicked in shortly after I would imagine. Hard to remember.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- Oops, sorry lol.
  
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  by Blackberry. on March 1st, 2009
- Exactly what I mean. you know you're pregnant, and the feelings start. which, following that logic, abortion wouldn't be much easier than adoption. but, we digress.
  That's okay, good sir. I am often mistaken for a male.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
- True, like I said before, I personally would never know how I would feel unless I actually went through it. No one really could actually judge their feelings about something without actually going through it.
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- I agree with you there.
  
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  by doodlethenoodle on March 1st, 2009
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by Little big mouth on March 1st, 2009
Personally, for me. Not a chance. I'm way past the age that I'd have to worry but if I couldn't keep it, I'd have an abortion. NOW, Here come the DR's & comments about me being ok with baby killing, blah blah blah
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- That was my opinion too. I just could not do it no matter how I looked at it. No DR here...+5! :o)Have a great night!
  
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on March 1st, 2009
- Thank you. Look back at my answer tomorrow, it should be -30 by then, lol
  
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  by Little big mouth on March 1st, 2009
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by bolwerk on March 1st, 2009
Yes, I'd feel awful. That's why I'd get an abortion.

Luckily, I don't have to worry about such things.
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- Yes, thanks so much!
  
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by anddeb on March 1st, 2009
Each person is different. Some have babies for money and do not care about the kid at all.
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- Thanks so sad!!! It is good for all the folks who want a child and can not have one though.
  
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by Rebelheart on March 1st, 2009
Haunt? Maybe but it would be harder to find a greater act of love and selflessness.
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- Thank you! Happy Sunday!
  
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by Gingerminx on February 28th, 2009
No. Yes.
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  by Autism Knows is finally Maestro on February 28th, 2009
- You're welcome.
  
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  by Gingerminx on February 28th, 2009
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by . on February 28th, 2009
yes, but under certain circumstances its better to give the child up for adoption. if you cant support a baby, and you know you wont be able to provide for it, the right thing to do is give it up to a family tht is capable of taking care of it...but in another case, if youre stupid enough to have sex with no condom when you dont wanna have a baby, i guess no you have to face the responsibility of parenting....so it really all just depends....
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- True...Thanks! :o)
  
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by Esperanza on February 28th, 2009
Sometimes, giving up a child for adoption is an act of sacrifice for the well being of the newborn. I wouldn't judge a person that take that desicion based on my own believes, and I don't think that an act of love would or should haunt anyone.
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by Miss Awesome on February 28th, 2009
I, personally, don't think I would be able to do that. I'd much rather have an early-term abortion than deal with adoption.
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- That is how I feel about it. I just can't imagine! Thanks!
  
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by Mike Astill on February 28th, 2009
You're looking at it from the wrong perspective.

If you are in the position that you need to give up your baby for adoption, it probably means that you are completely unable to raise the baby on your own. You probably are not emotionally, mentally, or financially ready for such a huge responsibility.

When you give it up for adoption, you give the child the chance to be raised in home with two mature, loving parents who are ready for this challenge.

Most importantly, you can sleep knowing you didn't abort it and have it sucked into a sink. You chose to allow it to live. That child will be eternally grateful to you for making such a sacrifice.

Adoption is a good thing.
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- Very good answer! Thank you!
  
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by Indigo- in the library with the revolver on February 28th, 2009
I suppose, but I'd also be glad that the child is probably in better hands than mine.
I can't spend more than 3 hours with a kid and not get annoyed as hell, usually. Also, I wouldn't want a kid to deal with a depressed adult every day.
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by Bottled Violence on February 28th, 2009
Not if your womb had a lease agreement.
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Question

Could you carry a baby for 9 months, give birth to the child, and STILL give it up for adoption? Wouldn't that haunt you for the rest of your life to know there was a child out there that is yours and you are not raising him/her?

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