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by Anonymous on February 2nd, 2007

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2. We now have a 5 month old. 6 months ago his 16 year old son came to live with us because of behavioral problems. Is it my responsibility to play mom?

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Answers. 6 helpful answers below.

  • by AntigoneRising on February 2nd, 2007

    AntigoneRising

    I'm confused by your question. You've been with this man for three years and haven't cultivated a relationship with his son? What makes you think a 16 year old wants his dad's girlfriend to "play mom" with him?

    I don't think you should "play" anything. I think you need to establish a relationship with his son on a grounds that both of you are willing to accept.

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  • by redneck on February 2nd, 2007

    redneck

    it is only my opinion that your question is way to personal for any online questionare. you should consult someone you trust and know. online there are people that would play your feelings or try to corrupt your relationship. if you are uncomfortable with his son you should sit down with him and discuss the supposed "problem" resonably. if nothing else at least talk to your freind or someone you can rely on. thankyou for considering this as a source but i would prefer for you to use another. thankyou.

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  • by CoachMJ on February 2nd, 2007

    CoachMJ

    It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a committed relationship. You are not legally his step-mom but you probably will have to take at least some responsibilities as far as he is concerned. I would sit with Dad and get ground rules set and then let the son know what his resposibilties are. Best of Luck!

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  • by Angeleve on February 2nd, 2007

    Angeleve

    You will never be his mom and at 16 he probably doesn't want you to be in that role.

    I agree with everyone that if you love your boyfriend then you need to maintain a good relationship with his other children. He most especially needs people to care for him through his rough time. Having behavior problems makes it harder for everyone involved.

    For the sake of your child and the realtionship that they as siblings will have you need to be a support system for his father and help when you are needed. If you have ill feeling towards him you will certainly transfer these to your own child and they will have a hard time bonding.

    Remember that no matter what, he is a child and he needs the same amount of love that your biological child needs. Love him and be there when you are needed.

    With all that said, it is his duty to be respectful and if this is breached stand your ground on it and make sure your boyfriend gives you the place in your family that you deserve.

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  • by JAMMco... its complicated... on February 2nd, 2007

    JAMMco... its complicated...

    By the way you phrased the question, you don't sound like you want the responsibility of caring for him any more than he will.

    Firstly, if you love this man, you will love his children and bear them no resentment. Do not be resentful of any attention he may give his son that you may want directed to you or your newborn.

    You've had 6 months of living with him, how is your relationship right now? If you are asking this question 6 months later, what is your real intention for the question? What have you been doing this 6 months if not playing "mom"?

    His father has the obligation to take on the father role, not friend role. You on the other hand have a unique opportunity to become his friend first, then work into the motherly role. You have an advantage. Just be careful not to undermine the authority of his father.

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  • by Tenaciouscj on November 15th, 2008

    Tenaciouscj

    As long as your boyfriend isn't leaving all the disciplining to you. If he is, that wouldn't be fair on you or the boy.

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