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by nikkij on January 24th, 2007

nikkij

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My parents are christians and they are against wiccan severly. how can i tell them im wiccan and that im going to raise my child as a witch as well?

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Answers. 18 helpful answers below.

  • by AntigoneRising on January 29th, 2007

    AntigoneRising

    Firstly, why do you want to tell them that you are Wiccan? Secondly, why would you want to raise your children as Wiccan? Wiccans are very into free-will and personal choice. Why would you indoctrinate your own children in the manner of those associated with organized religion?

    It sounds to me that a lot of your motivation is to spite your parents and rebel. This is something that you should spend a lot of time thinking about. We are talking your RELIGION here, not how to wear your clothes in the latest fashion.

    You also really need to think about the effects of your actions on others. Wicca is not about avoiding personal responsibility for one's actions, but rather about EMBRACING it. If your parents are Christian, they are going to sincerely worry about the eternal fate of your immortal soul. Is that worth telling them? (I'm 30 and still haven't told my father that I'm Wiccan, for this VERY reason.)

    If you need to tell your parents that you are Wiccan, you are best sticking to the facts. "I'm Wiccan." I would advise avoiding the word "W/witch" as it has over 14 different meanings, let alone connotations. There are several good books for those who are not Wiccan which will dispell common misconceptions. I'd look for a suitable one at your local Craft store (or Amazon.com) to give to them. Expect a lot of questions, and you will need to display even more patience.

    It isn't any of your parent's business what religion (if any) you raise your own children in.

    Blessings.

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  • by debyszoo on January 29th, 2007

    debyszoo

    You have quite a difficult situation here! I am christian and have grandchildren so I'll give you my input. I think you may as well come right out and tell your parents that you dont agree with what they believe, chances are they know this already, and tell them that you plan to teach your children what you believe. You and they will never agree, I would bet money on that. The children will talk about what they know and what you tell them to others, including your parents, so be prepared that others will tell your children what they believe as well. I would definately want my daughter to tell me even though it would break my heart, for many reasons, but... when I say that, I understand that everyone is given the freedom to believe what they want and this freedom is a God given freedom. I would only hope that your child never becomes a pawn in a battle of beliefs between you and your parents.

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  • by Box of Chocolates on January 24th, 2007

    Box of Chocolates

    I think Sage AntigoneRising (rank #1) knows the answer, because she is a top expert in Wicca. Maybe you better wait till she is online.:)
    http://www.answerbag.com/profile?id=43922

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  • by debsmooth on January 24th, 2007

    debsmooth

    Don't tell them unless they need to know. It will be easier for them. Some people may not ever be able to hear about your faith but that should not deter you from practicing it or from seeing people who have a hard time with it.

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  • by Ankhorite on January 29th, 2007

    Ankhorite

    I agree with most of what AntigoneRising told you, except I might disagree with her a little about raising your kids Wiccan -- I think you *do* have to raise them in your religion if you have one, so they don't feel left out of that part of your life, and then let them decide for themselves at 13 or 16 (or whenever they come to you about it) what their final religious choice will be.

    However, I want to warn you about some things that apply ONLY IF YOU ARE A MINOR (under 18 in the U.S.):

    Telling your parents that you are Wiccan might upset them enough that they will send you to a deprogramming camp or a psychiatric program. As a minor, you have NO CHOICE about this: they can force you to go, in handcuffs if they want. So think long and hard about how much you are willing to irritate / distress / frighten them right now.

    Also, some Wiccans believe that they should stick to the old ways, and NOT tell people, ever, that they are Wiccan. A lot of Wiccans in the past ten years have lightened up on this, because they feel safe. But as a minor, you are NOT safe, so do give it some careful thought! Here is an argument AGAINST secrecy:
    http://www.ecauldron.com/secretwicca.php
    However, even this witch says: "Other than the keeping secret the names of a group's members, the secret names of the group's deities (if any) and perhaps the group's current, active magickal workings, I see no truly justifiable need for secrecy in Wicca today." Note the emphasis on keeping members' names secret!

    What *I* say is, as long as witches and Wiccans are a persecuted minority -- which will be forever, in the U.S. at least -- it makes a great deal of sense to keep the names of witches, including your own name, secret from outsiders, ESPECIALLY while you are a minor and can be imprisoned for it (forcibly committed to a mental hospital or deprogramming camp) by your parents' whim.

    One of the great classics of modern Wiccan literature is THE SPIRAL DANCE by Starhawk. Your library probably has it, or can get it via interlibrary loan for you. If I recall correctly, the introduction is where she discusses keeping your faith a secret, and why. Obviously, it is good for Wicca that some Wiccans are willing and able to go public -- like Starhawk herself, or AntigoneRising here. But for you, if you are under 18, it may be wiser -- and better for Wicca's reputation, too, and better for the other Wiccans in your parents' community -- for you to stay quiet until you are too old to be forced into anything merely by their signatures as your legal guardian.

    This article by a Christian group:
    http://www.watchtower.org/e/19971208/article_02.htm
    gives an easy-to-read and fairly objective view of how courts in the U.S. and Canada consider religious disputes between divorced parents. Some of those legal principles would apply, in theory, to cases where a minor child sues to preserve their religious choice in opposition to their parents' choice(s). However, I couldn't find any literature on that for you just yet -- I am looking, and will update my answer if I find it.

    There are two lines of cases that might help you. One, there are the cases where a court-appointed guardian for a sick child has fought against application of the parents' religious views to that child (for example, getting blood transfusions for a child of Christian Scientists or Jehovah's Witnesses). Two, there are the cases where a minor has sought access to abortion or contraception versus their parents' wishes or beliefs.

    The U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the right of minor women to have abortions or contraception against their parents' wishes:
    Bellotti v. Baird (1979, a/k/a Bellotti II)(don't mix this up with 1976 case, Bellotti I) re abortion for minor
    http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=US&vol=443&invol=622
    Bellotti II Summary
    http://www.plannedparenthood.org/news-articles-press/politics-policy-issues/courts-judiciary/court-rulings-6577.htm
    Planned Parenthood v. Danforth (1976) re abortion for unmarried woman under 18
    http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/cgi-bin/getcase.pl?navby=case&court=us&vol=428&invol=52
    Carey v. Population Services (1977) re contraception under age 16
    http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=US&vol=431&invol=678
    and would probably use similar reasoning regarding a minor child's religious choice -- BUT a religious choice can be deferred for a couple of years without, in theory at least, doing lasting damage to the child, whereas an abortion decision cannot wait until the pregnant minor turns 18. That makes the case for free religious choice for a minor weaker than for free reproductive choice; AND the current Supreme Court majority is extremely hostile to minors and to non-majority religions.

    Your only hope, if you were committed against your will, would be to try to get a "habeas corpus" petition filed on your behalf by the ACLU or a similar group, and then sue. You can imagine how hard this would be, if you don't have any money and if you are denied access to a phone, or if the ACLU in your state doesn't have the resources to take this kind of case.

    So my common-sense advice to you -- not legal advice, you'd need an attorney licensed in your own state for that -- is to try to stay under your parents' radar if you think that telling them the truth about your current beliefs puts you at risk of involuntary commitment or a re-education camp, or would inspire them to go on a jihad (or a literal "witch hunt") against other Wiccans in your community.

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  • by ImNotLikeYou on January 25th, 2007

    ImNotLikeYou

    I agree with everyone else, but have a few things to add.
    First of all, you need to find some common ground with your, parents, or at least a way that they will understand why you've converted. Tell them about the first ammendment, tell them that if they don't support you it could cost them their child and most probably their grandchild (by their fault because they are alienating themselves from you). Tell them that Christianity just wasn't for you.
    Second, I would sit down with them and clear up any misconceptions that they have about Wicca, Witchcraft, Wiccans, or Witches in general. It is important that they have facts about what you have chosen; not myths and stereotypes.
    Lastly, tell them that they cannot change it. It seems parents believe they can change these types of decisions in their children, but they can't.

    Also, make sure that when and if your child grows up and converts to another religion, that you show them the same courtesy that you wanted your parents to show you... whether they did or not. Good luck!

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  • by Sunblynd 5.0 on January 24th, 2007

    Sunblynd 5.0

    I would not declare yourself as wiccan to them right off the bat. I would instead ask their opinion on how they feel about the first amendment, witch grants INDIVIDUALS the freedom of religion and the ability to practice such religion. Being wiccan ( mistakenly associated with satanism and witches) is a system of belief that worships nature and it's elements, that of which the christian God created in the first place so it is only right to worship his perfect creations through differant means, faiths, beliefs, rituals, etc. etc. Education and patience is key here, but you are their daughter, and you must understand that it is perfectly natural as parents to be concerned, but it is up to you to express yourself and demand them to have a supportive and open mind.

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  • by researcher for God on May 23rd, 2007

    researcher for God

    IF you are going to tell your Christian parents that you wish to practice Wicca:

    1) MOVE OUT of thier house! Get an apartment (BEFORE you move), Get a job to support yourself & your child...

    2) Tell them AWAY from thier home, church IF THEY BECOME hostile... Send them a letter, call them on a payphone etc...

    3) Consider the needs, feelings, desires & future of your child before you attempt any type of religious training in order to make sure your beliefs his or hers... Donot push just give them appropriate teaching...

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  • by FallingLeaf on January 24th, 2007

    FallingLeaf

    Maybe you should try to find some common ground with them, some values that you can both embrace. Like the importance of family, or the importance of service and charity. You probably agree on many of life's most important issues.

    Of course, they will probably be disappointed that you have chosen not to follow Christ, which is the most fundamental tenant of their belief system, I assume. So, just be prepared for them to be upset. Eventually, you will all hopefully come to a mutual understanding.

    I just went through a similar situation with my parents, albeit quite the opposite (converted to christianity, my parents are athiests) and it came as a big shock. My mom took it pretty hard, like she had failed me somehow. She's still coping. But reassure them you are the same person at the core, as you always were.

    Unfortunately in situations like this, there may never be a meeting of the minds, but there can be a meeting of hearts. It can be sad when our faiths draw us apart from one another, but if both parties stay committed to the relationship, then a mutual respect for one another's beliefs can begin to develop. Give it time and patience and try to see it from their perspective. I wish I had thought more about my parent's perspective before I told them. It's impossible to be too sensitive in such a situation.

    I wish you the best, and many rich blessings for you and your family!

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  • by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on May 26th, 2009

    Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot

    Christians are against everything. Raise your child to be good. Wiccan does not conflict with that if you are a wise witch.

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  • by pagan-babe on April 28th, 2008

    pagan-babe

    You just tell them,Its up to you what you believe in and also up to you how you bring up your children.Every one is entitled to have their own beliefs.

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  • by dark wiccan on April 28th, 2008

    dark wiccan

    if they are christians and wouldn't accept your terms of belief then you really shouldn't tell them that you are wiccan. they might find out eventually but you don't want to try and explain wicca to anyone who already have their own beliefs set in stone. it is very hard to tell a christian parent that you are a wiccan. i know this from my own experience. it was not fun or positive for me to tell my parents that i was wiccan.

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  • by unknown on May 25th, 2007

    unknown

    Just do it. There is no way they are going to like it and they will give you a piece of their minds. NOTHING you can say is going to make them feel better about it. But, you are an adult who has to make your own decision. Derisions have consequences and you'll have to live the the consequences of this one. It is unlikely that they are ever going to approve of something like this but maybe they can manage to agree to disagree and y'all can still have a relationship like parents and children should have.

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  • by Vanity on October 31st, 2008

    Vanity

    I had to do the same thing just amonth ago. I was at a therapist's office, and we decided that I would bring in my parents and tell them about me. If you're going to tell them, do it with a witness. I brought my boyfriend, who's also a witch, and he held my hand throughout the entire thing. In case they do go a little crazy and say some things that they don't mean, it's good to have a mediator there. But that's just me. Good luck <3

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  • by Jessie on January 26th, 2009

    Jessie

    the best way is 2 just tell them straight up, they may not react well to it but you have 2 let them kno this is the life you chose 4 ur-self and ur child if they truly love u they have 2 accept u i belive that with all my heart they may not like it as i said but they should at least accept ur decision

    ~Jessica~

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  • by SanityClause on January 26th, 2009

    SanityClause

    While you may plan to raise your child as Wiccan, bear in mind that your parents probably planned to raise you as Christian, too. How's that working out?

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  • by Wickels on January 26th, 2009

    Wickels

    How do you mean severly?? Will they kidnap your child in order to keep you from raising him in your faith?

    If you are that concerned, I wouldn't tell them. Just raise your child as you see fit. I told my parents, and after some time they just stopped talking to me about it, as they realized that they have no say in the matter. It only gets confusing around the holidays that are near to each other Yule/Christmas etc...

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  • by saint nist on May 25th, 2007

    saint nist

    As an atheist... I would say that you need to sit your parents down & ask them thier thoughts on the religion of Wicca... If they have a bad vibe or bad opinions on Wicca then dont say anything...

    If you still live with them work on getting out of thier house & live your life according to your beleifs...

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