ANSWERS: 9
  • I have the same fear, but no real answer. I don't know how I will cope when I lose my parents, and I think of it a few times pretty much every day. Lets hope they live a long life.
  • My mother died suddenly in her sleep, after three years of widowhood. Every morning she would go with friends walking their dogs together, and when she didn't arrive, they called round to the house and found her, as if asleep in bed. She was 81. Obviously you can't expect your parents to live forever. Consolations: She died suddenly while still able to do all the things she loved. No slow decline, no loss of faculties, no reason not to expect to wake up. I think she had an easy death. My father-in-law had a hard death of aggressive cancer: diagnosed, and dead in agony six weeks later. An easy death for my mother was a shock to me. When it happened I was numb at first. I had to arrange for the undertaker to prepare her for the funeral. I went with my sister to see her laid out; and we both stood beside the coffin and wept, holding each other until we could not weep any more, and me a grown man of 54. After the weeping I felt numb. For months after the tears would come back, but as time passed they came more seldom, and now I can look back on my mother's life with a sense of completion. Of course I still miss her, especially at family times like Christmas, but usually there are other people to love, other people who remember her with love, and you just learn to live with the loss. Death of parents is something most of us will live through or have lived through. You can't prevent it happening sometime: perhaps the most important thing you can do for them is not to let them down while they are alive.
  • What a worrying thought...... WOuld it not be better to focus on enjoying every moment you have with her now and not worry about what may happen...?
  • realize that death is part of life and that loved ones dying is them moving on to the next stage of nature, nothing you will ever do will change this its the law of life and should be celebrated not allowed to destroy you.
  • One has to bear this pain for some time period.That's the life is all about....you'll get all sorts of taste...so be prepared for all!
  • I believe as you get older you become more adjusted to the circle of life, especially if you have your own children. It doesn't take the hurt away but it does help buffer the pain somewhat to understand that is the natural evolution.
  • You recover because you have to , its not easy and ppl all do it differently, sure time heals a lot, but there are always going to be occasions when you miss her a lot, especially at times when you need her (well thats how it is for me) :)
  • I felt the same way you do. Then my mother got sick with Mylodysplastic Syndrome. It was the beginning of leukemia. For 4 yrs I traveled 2000 miles to care for her during her battle. Spending as much as 2 months at a time with her. I had a business and this kinda was on my mind too, that I would lose it. My husband told me, "Honey there will always be customers...but you have one mother...go and take care of her and don't worry about what is is costing us. I was the only daughter and my four brothers could be less than bothered and they lived within 2 hours of her and 1 there with her. I asked GOD to help me deal with my mothers sickness and death should it come. I asked HIM for more time with her and HE gave me 4 years. I spent alot of time sleeping in hospitals on an uncomfortable cot...eating the food there and dealing with many close calls to death. During this time I prayed for strength to go thru all this and for strength to handle all that would come should she die. I was 46 at the time and thought I can't live without my mom....I'm too young. My strength I now know came from the LORD. I knew where my mother would go once she died. I knew that she had accepted the GOD as her LORD and her SAVIOUR. The day I took her home after she seen one of my brothers who had been incarcerated....they brought him from the prison to her death bed.....I asked her, "Mother do you want to go back to ----'s house (my other brother)....who had put her thru hell the last 3 weeks of her life. He had already told me he couldn't handle her in his house another day and asked me what our plans were once she seen my brother while in the hospice floor of the Baptist Hospital. All my mother did while at his house was sleep....she wasn't a problem....I was doing everything for her...he didn't have to do one thing. He just wanted his bed back. Well I took her the day after the guards brought my brother to the hospital to see her....to her home 2 hours away on the reservation. I took her on a Friday morning and she past away in my arms Monday nite. I held her as she took her last breath. I never cried I was a pillar of strength....I couldn't understand it...how did I do it. I walked into the mortuary and picked everything out for her. Oh...5 days before she died I went to the mall while she slept in the hospital and picked her dress for her to wear when she died. We were asked if we wanted to speak at her wake. I said yes I wanted to. I got up spoke and never cried. For almost 2 months I sat in her house just numb. I couldn't do anything. I was dumbfounded. I wanted to go home. I knew I had to get things done and my husband told me he wouldn't fly down to drive the uhaul till everything was packed that I wanted to keep of her's. My mother's 5 sisters turned their backs on, me after she died because she had left me the family land. It had been signed over to my mother about 15 years earlier because she was the baby of the family. So I had no support. It was all hard.....especially the part where people start to want your loved ones things like house before she is even gone. I had to deal with vultures 5 months before her death. Her own sisters where the ones. They were all alot older than my mother....we're talking late 80's....yet they wanted her things for their kide...can you believe that? To this day they haven't spoken to me....it's been 5 1/2 years. My brother stopped talking to me when he read the will the day before she died and saw that mom left me everything. She had her reasons and believe me you would agree if you only knew. So I lost my whole family when she died. My comfort came in knowing where my mother's soul was at and who she was with. Yes I went thru anger with GOD.....just know you will go thru a whole list of emotions when it happens. My comfort also came from knowing that I would be home soon with 5 grown children and a bunch of grandbabies that I knew loved me and of course my husband. I also had comfort in knowing I did all I could for her and put her before everything. She had a stoke a few hours before she pasted on and she tried repeatedly to say something to me....I told her I couldn't understand her. She finally mustarded up all the strength she had left and looked me in the eyes just before she died and told me, "I,m going to miss you." I told her, "Mom I will miss you too, but I will see you soon." My strength I know came from GOD. I couldn't have done this on my own. I thank HIM for the 3 weeks I got before she died. I flew in and I had 3 weeks to spend with her. Love your mom with all you have. Know that there is no greater love for you than that, that your mother has for you. She is someone you will never be able to replace. Love her.
  • i dont blame you for feeling that way but its not something you can control, hopefully she will still be around for a long time, ive lost both parents myself, not much i can do about it, theyve been gone for yrs and i still miss them

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