Know any dirty nursery rhymes?

The future of nursery rhyme

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won ten grand from Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now his two front teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her dog a bone
She bent over,
Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own.

Hickory Dickory Dock.
This bitch was sucking my cock.
The clock struck two, I shot my goo,
then dropped the bitch off at the next block.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two dollars and fifty cents.
Whoah!

Jack and jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky
Silly jill forgot her pill and now there's little franky.

If this counts **WARNING EXPLICIT LYRICS**
☺

ee by gum can your belly touch your bum, do your tits hang low, can you tie them in a bow, has your granny got a fanny does it smell... fucking hell!

go fuck your self

jack and jill
went up the hill for a bit of hanky panky
jill came back
with a very sore crack
jack must have been a yankee


jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack jumped over the candle stick
and burned his dick

this is the best joke of all time gues what chicking but

Whistle while you work
Hitler was a jerk
Mussolini bit his weenie
Not it don't work.

Rub a dub dub
Fucker in a tub
Strokin, Smokin, Chokin
Palms all broken.

jack and jill went up the hill to get some marajuana
jack got high unzipped his fly and asked to do her vagina
jill said yes unziped her dress, they did the hanky panky
silly jill forgot the pill and out came baby francky.

It was the first day of a new school year. Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy "Why are you tardy," the boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill" the teacher said "Take your seat." She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied. Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer. As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in. "Let me guess", said the teacher. "You where on Bluberry Hill aslo" "NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl. -

Mary had a little lamb,
the doctor was suprised!
Old McDonald had a farm,
and he almost died!

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Her pants all tatterd and torn
It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her
But little Boy Blue and his Horn

yes

Ima mean motherfucka
Ima jungle man
Runnin through the jungle with my dick in my hand
I climb up a tree
and what do I see
A mean motherfucka trying to piss on me
I pick up a rock
I hit em in the cock
The mean motherfucka musta ran a block
YEEHAW!!!

Old MacDonld is sitting on a fence
Beatin his meat with a monkey wrench
O' Mr Blake cracked his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
Ran into the kitchen so damn fast
Stuck his d!@# up granny's arse
Ol' granny say "oh bless my soul
And get your d!@# out of my arse hole."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so he could lick her candy
but Jack fell down when he found out Jills real name was Randy.

There was an old man from Kent,
who'se thing was so long it was bent!
To avoid trouble,
he put it in double.
And instead of cumming,
He went!

Little miss Muffet,
sat on a tuffet,
eating her cur and whey.
Along came a spider,
and sat down beside her,
And said;
"What'ach got in the bowl, Bitch?