ANSWERS: 10
  • Marriage is a COMMITTMENT! Start "dating" again, remember why it is you fell in love with her. Sometimes the business of life gets in the way, but remember to take time out for just the 2 of you to reconnect with each other. Marriage isn't a "piece of cake" it is hard work.
  • Do the exciting things that you used to do when you were in love with her. Spice up the marriage.
  • there's that 7 year itch, again. I learned a long time ago, that love is NOT a feeling; rather it's a decision that has to be made every day. where you seem to be right now, maybe that decision has to be made every hour. that is very good advise JuJubee gave you.
  • First off, it depends if there is a child. If there is NO child (and only if) then only after sharing similar interests and counseling, and it still isn't working then you MAY consider divorce. If there is a child, you need to stick it out no matter what.
  • You are young and by the sound of it you married too young. Honestly if you want to feel better, you need to get a backbone, stop sulking, and stop being all about you. Chasing the next woman won't help, stick with the one that loves you and is willing to work on this relationship and on making you happy. I don't think this is about your wife so much as about growing up. You are too old now for there to be magic in birthday parties and Christmas and nights out; too old to sulk if things don't live up to your expectations and it doesn't all feel as great as it did when you were a kid. Also time is passing by and you may have this underlying worry that you need a game plan, you need to be progressing and achieving instead of pacing up and down. Thats going to be the same with or without your wife, she is unlikely to be the cause, just the nearest person to take it out on, and if she's hanging around and telling you she loves you (more and more by the sound of it) when you are obviously having a little depression, then you are damned lucky to have a partner that loyal. Sit down together, work out what is giving you itchy feet, why you are dissatisfied and bored (money? life being harder work than you thought? not making any plans or 'growing'?), and you might find she feels just the same but was hoping this was a 'phase'. Then you can work together at achieving something to make you both smile. Even if that's just saving for a little holiday - something to look forward to. All a loving wife really wants is to be your partner; useful; someone you can be grateful for.
  • Stop thinking about yourself and how you feel and start thinking about your wife. Think about the first time you saw her and how you felt. Think about your first kiss. Think about the first time you made love. The whole idea of being "in love" is such a farce. Its easy to be "in love" when all there is is animal attraction and no responsibilities. When you don't have to pay bills and take out the trash, you seem to float all the time. But that NEVER lasts, no matter who you are with. In fact, you wouldn't want it too. Your body wouldn't stay healthy for long when you are so infatuated that you can't eat or sleep. If you go looking for that again with someone else, you'll find it: for a few months. Then you'll have to look for it again and again and again. Eventually, every woman in fifty miles will know your reputation and you'll end up alone, with a trail of broken relationships and abandoned kids, all of whom hate you, dragging behind you. Instead, try to devote a little time each day, thinking about your wife. Think about what you can do to please her. That doesn't necessarily mean buying flowers every night or surprising her with diamonds. Think about making her a cup of tea or hot chocolate each evening. Cook dinner for her. Give to her, not take from her. Think about planning a surprise for her on Saturdays. Take her to a museum. Develop some interests together. Join a service organization together. Join a church together. Turn outward, not inward. The goal here is not to be entertained and cossetted. The goal is to build a life together, a live built on intimate, loving friendship and companionship, on service to your community, on giving, rather than getting. When your focus is right, you won't be bored anymor.
  • I married early too,I had the 7 year itch too,I divorced. And I have regretted it for the past 15 years. I may have gotten the divorce for what I considered 'good reasons',but I still left a woman who loved me for me. Did I think about the future without her?NO,I was selfish,self centered,and childish. Do I believe that if I could ,I would go back and try it again,,NO,I still had to leave,the reasons were sound,the emotional pain,very hard to accept. As others have said,this can pass(and probably will) with time,this feeling that she has lost the spark in your heart,it will pass,you can see the feelings she has for you,now you have to see what she sees,and maybe you'll become what she sees,the person who fell in love with her in the first place. I suggest giving this time,allow your feelings to slowly come to terms with hers again.If this is too much and you feel the need to get out,I am sorry for you,that decision I took and have many regrets,I sold ME short of the responsibilities of commitment. My relationships up to today still lack due to this.
  • For Heaven's sake, please don't allow the situation/problem to fester and develop into a HUGE mountain which cannot be overcome with anything but a divorce. Please seek counseling. It's time for you and your bride to sit down and begin communicating with each other. What is it about your bride, which gets you excited, makes you happy and keeps you happy? AND she has to tell you about the things she likes about you which get her excited and cause her to continue being in love with you and happily married to you. If you know happily married couples who are your true and trusted friends and/or relatives, invite them for a meal. Do it one couple at a time. If you don't have any happily married friends or relatives, ask your pastor, priest, rabbi or imam for counseling. Thanks for asking your Q! I did my best to answer it. I hope the information helps. VTY, Ron Berue Yes, that is my real last name! Sources: Some personal observations and opinions. "THE University of Hard Knocks" Also known as ("a/k/a") "life's valuable lessons".
  • you've been married for 7 years and you're not "in love with her"? give me a break. that's the most overused, confusing, stupid b.s. line in the history of relationships. love requires work, it doesn't just come to you. if things are stale, you are the only one who can change it. You got married under god and under law, does that not deserve the tiniest bit of dedication. I'm on the other side of this circumstance, my wife used that line on me when she left. I could only wish she was as madly in love with me as i am with her. but you've got to do what is right for you. just remember that marriage isn't to be taken lightly, and there is a reason you got married. i do know that loosing her really makes you appreciate her, but it's the wrong way to find out.(trust me i know now what i could have done, but now it's too late)
  • i feel exactly the same way that you feel I am 25 and had been married for 7 years, i don't know what to do just like you, i don't know what to tell you just that you are not alone

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