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by amanda_0517 on January 12th, 2007

amanda_0517

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Why do I want a baby so bad and I'm only 20 years old, but I've wanted a baby since I was like 17 years old? Could this be because I grew up so fast or why do you think?

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Answers. 43 helpful answers below.

  • by RFlagg on January 12th, 2007

    RFlagg

    It is partly from an urge to grow up and be an adult, and partly becuase you think on some level that if you have a child, everything will work out somehow, that if you have a baby, you'll be the happy homemaker, believe me, it won't, you won't, all it will do is take over your whole life, steal your youth, and you leave you with a heavy burden to carry at an age when most people are certainly not ready for such a burden.

    I've known many women who seem to think that a baby is the answer to all their problems, a few of them have had one, and it never was, all it did was ruin their lives, wait a little longer, at least until you're in a truly dedicated relationship.

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  • by TheJoker on February 4th, 2009

    TheJoker

    This is very commonly found in the mental health profession. Many young girls who come through the service are desperate for a child as they were either deprived of love & affection or..... well I dont really need to elaborate. The desire & child is an emotional crutch that they feel will give them the love they need, unconditionally. Please dont think I'm sugesting this applies to you I just wanted to air a perspective.

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  • by janacide on January 12th, 2007

    janacide

    I wanted a child when I was 16 yrs old and i finally have a litte one yr old son and i am in my early 30's....I think the reason i wanted a son that young was purely that my physical body was ready to do it.But i must admit that i dout i was mature enough or stable enough to care for a baby.I had the energy then though to keep up with one thats for sure.Now it is rough...so dont wait too long.I think it will happen at the right time in each of our lives.

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  • by marceli11 on January 1st, 2011

    marceli11

    i dont think its the fact you grew up so fast its normal to want a baby. i am 15 years old and i am a mother of a beautiful baby girl named marceli shes six months old shes my pride and joy and i wouldnt give her up for nothing ..yes i know they say that raising a child is the hardest thing to do ..and its true it is hard but its worth it the fact is are you ready..?? it isnt that easy being a teenage mother and working and going to school but its what you have to do in order to raise your child at such a young age.. also your parents are they the type that will support your decision and help you out ..? i was lucky my parents actually helped me and supported me ..yes they were disappointed in me in the beginning but then they knew they couldnt change anything so they thought about the future not the past ..and i am very thankful to have them help me out i do not what so ever expect them to help me out at all shes my daughter not theirs and she is my responsilbilty nobody elses ..but i thank them everyday for being there for me..but really thank about it are you READY??? i hope this helps..

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  • by truth be told on March 28th, 2009

    truth be told

    all these people on this page have several different answers and lets just put it this way.. they mostly sounded like a bunch of people trying to judge you and act like they are your mother or father... dont listen to me or anyone else listen to your self...if you want a child then you want one for a reason, because your ready... you obviously can handle alot, you practically have 2 of your own and handle that just fine.. and it is actually oposite if your fiance loves you he would give this to you, not you should wait for him, it sounds like he is being selfish because he already has what you want and isnt trying to understand you real feelings... you need to talk to him and make him realize what you need. and being 20 isnt to young yes its young but if your heart is telling you yes, then that means your ready and everything else will fall into place. and if anybody on this page said that their child ruined or would ruin their life well then they dont deserve to be a parent. i hope that this helps you make YOUR decision i think it is respectable and mature that you ask for an opinion thats makes you all an adult and ready to give life to oneof your own! good luck and live your life accordingly! god bless

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  • by Locks-Of-Love-NZ on January 13th, 2007

    Locks-Of-Love-NZ

    I am only 14 and want to have kids! Sometimes the thought of being a old parent can sort of influence the way we think, meaning, we dont want to be old when we have kids so we want to have them when were younger.

    I have really wanted kids since last year? im not sure ill habe to wait though because i cant support them on my own :)

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  • by aceress376 on January 12th, 2007

    aceress376

    it could just be your maternal instinct, or maybe you're secretly wanting to love someone or something unconditionally, the way a parent loves a child. Or maybe you want control... I'm just making guesses, don't take any of this personally.

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  • by Valparaiso on January 12th, 2007

    Valparaiso

    I don't think its because you've grown up fast its just a person's natural instinct often to reproduce. I want children too.

    But you should wait until you are in a financial situation to care for the children.

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  • by stingiam on January 12th, 2007

    stingiam

    i think its because you have a good heart.and good sense not to go out and have a baby just because you want one.youre young and being patient is a good thing.good luck and GOD bless

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  • by MoMof3Monkeys on January 12th, 2007

    MoMof3Monkeys

    Oops, I just realized that you are 20!!! I thought you were 17...sorry lol..Anyway, the things I said still apply...and if you're in school, stay there!!! I went back to university when I had an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old (now 10 and 7)and 8 months ago I had another amazing baby boy ( it would have been alot easier if I had already gotten my degree before I had kids) !!!

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  • by MoMof3Monkeys on January 12th, 2007

    MoMof3Monkeys

    I was 18 when I had my first of 3 boys. I am 28 now and I must say that having a baby at a young age will not ruin your life, but it will CHANGE EVERYTHING. Not necessarily in a bad way but it's just that your whole world no longer revolves around you but your baby. There are many things to consider before, like how will you support yourself as well as your child. Apparently, there was a study done recently, about how much it costs to raise a child until they are 18 years old (in Canada) and the answer is approximately one hundred thousand dollars!!!! I am in a much better place in my life now than I was 10 years ago, but let me tell you that I really struggled at times and I there were times when I didn't know how to make ends meet(there were times when the ends didn't meet and I had to go to food banks and stuff... it really wasn't easy...). My advice to you, would be to atleast wait until you're 18 (a legal adult). Weigh the pros and cons and just remember that parenting is the hardest job in the world ( Whoever said that was NOT KIDDING!!!) !!!!
    Good luck!

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  • by PurpleRN on January 12th, 2007

    PurpleRN

    You want a baby because they are always so cute, innocent, adorable, and dependent of you, but babies do not stay babies, and they need 100 % of your time and dedication to them as well as love. Before you decide on such a major lifestyle chance, I would give yourself a few years to live your life a little bit as young independent adult, and then make that decision. If it fits into your life at that moment in time, and you are emotionally and financially ready to handle all that comes with having and raising a kid, then the time will be right and you will know, if you are questioning having a baby at all, it is not the right time. Let this be your own thoughtful decision, don't just do it because someone is pressuring you to do it.

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  • by bigkado69 on January 12th, 2007

    bigkado69

    I think it is your fear of being alone,you have a fiance and kids ,but im guessing if something didnt work out,you would know that if you had a child you would make up for the mistakes that your parents made.Your child would be there forever and in time could be your best friend.You did grow up way to fast but that is good in ways.

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  • by thickalious on January 12th, 2007

    thickalious

    You probably like kids,you should maybe be a big sister in one of those programs.

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  • by princessemmabelle on January 12th, 2007

    princessemmabelle

    I'm thinking it's because you haven't had a baby, and do not realize the responsiblity that comes along with one. I was your age when I had my son, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But if there was a way, for his sake and mine I would have had him when I was older. You need to "sow all your seeds" before have children, so you can be the best mother possible.

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  • by BenjaminMiller on January 12th, 2007

    BenjaminMiller

    My guess is that you want to give a child the life you wish you had. I do not know you personally, but I think you would be a good mother to your child, better than the parenting that fell on you.

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  • by Moon Unit on February 4th, 2009

    Moon Unit

    As some have said it could be because you were not loved enough as a young'un.
    It could be because you were, and you're not getting enough of that love now.
    It could be because you were a part of a large family, and miss the screamin' kiddies.
    It could be because you're currently with someone who makes you're world go round and it's natural instinct to want to settle down and have little you-twos.
    Many things can factor as to why you feel this way, but as others have said, it's plenty common to feel it.

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  • by LadyPictureShow on February 4th, 2009

    LadyPictureShow

    I used to feel the same way. Honestly. But there's nothing wrong with waiting. You have to remind yourself, Once you have a kid, you can never go back.

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  • by Curious on February 4th, 2009

    Curious

    There could be several different reasons why you might be desiring a baby. I remember thinking about having babies and wanting babies when I wasn't more than a baby myself..I think it is pretty natural to think about it, HOWEVER, babies require alot of attention and work and care, most 20yr olds haven't even began to start living yet. Do not put yourself or a child in that position. Think long and hard..and then think some more.

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  • by Anonymous on December 10th, 2009

    Anonymous

    I want a baby to my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years we both have well paying jobs he is a police officer and I a cashier we have lived together for more then 2 years now I don't know why but it feels like the next step to make are life's complete is to have kids and yet were not even married ah.. I know its not the right step in are relationship but it doesn't stop me from wanting a child .

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  • by hbw0419 on August 2nd, 2009

    hbw0419

    I'm 19 years old, and I am right there with you. I'm around kids all the time, i coach cheerleading to 3-6 year olds. I also nanny for a 6 month old and a 2 year old...and being around them makes me want one even more! However, i don't even have a boyfriend so unfortuantly it won't happen any time soon.

    You are pretty luck to have found some at your age who you know you want to be with forever! As hard as it may seem, I would wait a few years anyways to settle down in your relationship with him and his kids. And, that way you will have some babysitters while yours grows up! :)

    Anyways, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone...haha i googled the same question thinking something was wrong with me! Hope all goes well with your marrige and the kids!

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  • by P.M.Lars on May 8th, 2009

    P.M.Lars

    It might be because you have been around may be I don't know around a lot of babies. It's called baby fever!

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  • by Yari on February 4th, 2009

    Yari

    I'd say it has alot 2 do with growing up fast and wanting 2 feel loved.. i had the same issue when i was growing up.. when i had my 1st real relationship i thought dam its time 2 have a baby.. but things happen && people change.. just make sure that u bring a child in2 the right time line.. dnt have one just bcuz ur lonely, or u dnt feel loved.. babies can slow u down even thou its not their fault at all.. but it takes time 2 master ur schedule especially with a baby or babies.. think about it.. what if u just want 1 baby or are only prepared for 1 baby && u end up having twins or 3?!
    its amazing thing 2 go thru..but be stable first.. cuz u will be needing alot of new clothes that actually fit u && ur new style.. the baby its medications. lots of wipes n diapers.milk etc... also if ur thinking about using the W.I.C program or foodstamps.. it does help alot but u will still need to save lots of money.. DNT RUSH URSELF.. enjoy life at least till ur 23 GOOD LUCK!!

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  • by Angela_M4837 on February 26th, 2012

    Angela_M4837

    Omg I'm going thru this same exact thing I'm 20 also and I seriously want to have a baby more then anything that i've ever wanted in my whole entire life but i'm scared because my parents would be so mad i have a job and all but my boyfriend still doesnt have one and i want him to have one first before we do and we still have alot of issues to work out with our relationship also i think the reason i want a baby is because no matter what happens in your life you will always have your baby/child and you will always love him/her more then anything and they will always love you and need you in their life... Omg it makes me cry thinking about how badly i want one.

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  • by Kallie on November 3rd, 2007

    Kallie

    One word, hormones! Like it or not your body is trying to trick you into getting pregnant. This would be fine if it were a couple hundred years ago, when girls were married off at the tender age of twelve, but now days it's tough to support a family on one income. You need to focus on getting your career so that you have the financial means to raise a child. You may think that you want to have a child right now, and you are right, your body is telling you to... but your body does not know that you don't live in a cave and that you need a stable family life and the financial means to support said child. It pays to wait, trust me.

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  • by telzie on November 6th, 2007

    telzie

    I feel the exact same, i am also 20 and have wanted a child BADLY for the past 3 years. Luckily i have a supporting partner who also wants kids who i have been with for 6 years(we got together very young). I want a child so bad but something is stopping me. My partner knows how much i want a baby and he also feels the same and has told me that he wants a baby now also. I have no worries about have a child because i know my partner would be a perfect dad and i would be a great mum. My main problem is i am petrified of giving birth and feel that the stress of the labour would ruin my whole pregnacy. Its horrible because i've been craving to have a baby for such a long time and really i want the craving to go away until i'm older but it won't, having a baby is on my mind 24/7 and i cant work out why either. My body is screaming at me to have a baby and my heart also and it is so hard to try and ignore it. What helps me is sitting and thinking that one day soon i will have a baby and i get excited thinking about it. Just look at it this way. Just because you are not having a baby now, does not mean you never will. Just keep your chin up and think of all the good things for when it does happen.

    Hope this helps and always remember its not just you out there going threw this im sure a million other women face the same problem as me and you.

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  • by oldfashioned on November 6th, 2007

    oldfashioned

    It's hormones causing that maternal instinct. And thankfully it does. It keeps the world going.
    I wanted a baby throughout the later part of my teens too but it turned out that I was 27 when I had my first. I look back now & thank God & fate. I wasn't ready. I didn't have the patience. Babies are not just cute, they can cry most of the night (nearly every night). They can get sick, or just be uncomfortable. Then they go to a toddler stage & rebel. If you're not ready for each stage you'll hurt your child. It must be unconditional, unselfish love. You have to react with quiet patience when you're dead tired & the world's not going your way.
    AND WHO'S GOING TO SUPPORT SAID CHILD?

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  • by Tricia_M on March 15th, 2011

    Tricia_M

    i'm 21 years old and just finished nursing school. I will have a baby and thats that. NO ONE should tell you otherwise or get in the way of what you want. I know the responsibility of children and I know thats what I want. I'm ready to be a mother and I love children. And if you feel that way also, when you meet someone you love and who loves you, and that you're seriously involved that is also ready to have children, do it life is to short. and their are to many selfish women who wait until their 30s and 40s and then struggle with infertility issues.

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  • by lind8a on June 6th, 2010

    lind8a

    I'm a 19 (almost 20) years old and I desperately want a baby! I started going out with my boyfriend three years ago but moved hundreds of miles away to go to university. After a year i couldnt take being apart anymore andhated the course so left and moved home. For the past year we have lived together and constantly talkabout having a baby. He is 27 and is seeing all his friends having children so is definately ready but he worries that he is holding me back. I really dont know what to do as the only thing ithink about is having a baby but i dont know if I am too young? Please help if anyone has been in this situation! I dont want to hold him back from having the children than he desperately wants and I dont thinkthat my body or mind can wait much longer!

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  • by youdThinkMeRudeButIWouldJustStandAndStare on January 18th, 2010

    youdThinkMeRudeButIWouldJustStandAndStare

    Whiteverson:

    I'm a 20 year old from the States (female) in a very serious relationship with a fantastic guy--we're not engaged, but I know he's been planning it for months now.

    I don't think it's strange for guys to want kids at a young age. It's not as common as it is for girls, I'm sure, but who knows because guys keep a lot more of those things to themselves.

    My boyfriend, also 20, admitted to me recently that he's excited for kids and has been wanting one ever since we started dating a few years ago. We're waiting a while--years and years, haha--to enjoy our twenties, which we personally believe are meant to be "the selfish years" when people figure out who they are and get their life together. Plus we want to pay off college bills, haha.

    We've had a couple pregnancy scares in the past, and each time we're both terrified...then, when we see that negative on the test, we admit to being disappointed, haha.

    So to answer your question directly: you're normal. Lately a lot of my guy friends, who range from 17 to 23, have been thinking about kids too. I think it has a LOT to do with your relationship: being in a great one with stability makes it easier to imagine those kinds of things.

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  • by youdThinkMeRudeButIWouldJustStandAndStare on January 18th, 2010

    youdThinkMeRudeButIWouldJustStandAndStare

    Marc:

    I think a lot more guys think about kids than they admit. Good for you for being so honest, haha. My boyfriend and I are 20 and don't plan to have kids for a while--until we can pay off college debt and live in a place large enough--but we do talk about the future a lot. He's more excited for kids than I am, which is a lot already, haha.

    I think most guys, or everyone in general, begin to think about that sort of thing once they get involved in a relationship that's stable enough to plan a future on. When you suddenly see yourself with someone forever, the rest of the thoughts feel more tangible--less "someday" and more "Why not right now" if you will. For instance, I always "wanted" a house and kids and husband, etc, but always in a very far-off mindset. Now that I'm in a relationship I think about those things in a more practical way because they feel more possible.

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  • by goob831 on May 25th, 2010

    goob831

    i don't have an answer...but i feel the same way. i have been dying to have a baby. i'm almost 20 and i have wanted a baby probably since sophomore year. i watch 16 and pregnant and cry every episode. i stopped taking my birth control because i'm afraid if i take it for too long that when the time comes to actually have a baby i might have trouble, i tell my boyfriend all the time how i feel but i know i can't because i have no money. and im not married. ugh those are the only 2 things keeping me and i hate it! it drives me crazyy

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  • by Anonymous on January 24th, 2008

    Anonymous

    I know how you feel. I am 19 almost 20 and am married. I also want a baby more then anything. I got married when I was 18 so I guess I "grew up fast" but some people know what they want early. I had a micarriage about a month ago and ever since then all I want is a baby it's all I think about. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

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  • by AqueousEcho on February 23rd, 2008

    AqueousEcho

    You know, I did a google search, putting in keywords "Why do I want a baby so bad?" This site is the answer I got. And it cleared up some things for me.
    I'm nearly 20 and I've wanted a baby ever since I moved to a different city hundreds of miles away to be with my fiance. He is a wonderful man. But it has felt as if he "owns" the physical security of our relationship: he owns the car, he makes more money, and he's helped me out financially a great deal. Plus, I now don't have as many friends, since I've had to start over from scratch. I've also been very troubled at school, going to a big university with thousands of students, rather than a small community college. Anyway, after reading this forum, I've realized that I want a baby because I want independence. Not from my relationship; I love my guy too much to give him up-for anything. It's more that I want to find out more about myself, find my path, make my own life. Find my calling, if you will. I will choose a degree, work hard at it, get a good job that I love, and set up a stable support group of friends. After I have achieved all this, I will be ready to start a family with my guy. My goal: four years from now.

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  • by bazza on December 29th, 2008

    bazza

    It's called your biological clock ticking. Apparently yours has been ticking for some time. I think it is your body telling you, you are ready to mate??.

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  • by meowry on December 29th, 2008

    meowry

    You're normal. Most girls have those baby desires by the time they're 21 y.o. I knew girls who wanted--or have even had--babies by the time they were 16. I'm not one of them. 31 y.o. and no baby desire.

    It doesn't have anything to do with growing up fast. Girls can start having that desire before they are even interested in sex.

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  • by moosey on February 4th, 2009

    moosey

    I think its crazy that everone expects people to have kids! Its like "so when are you two having kids" and when you do have one, its "so when are you giving that one a brother or sister?"

    It really is sick how we are programmed. To many people in the world as it is. And how many times in todays world do mums and dads stay together? Not a lot I say. People find happiness then what do they do..... they have a kid!! CRAZY

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  • by soldiergirl88 on December 29th, 2008

    soldiergirl88

    im only 20 and want a child of my own too the only problem is, is my husband is getting ready to deploy and wants to be presant at his first childs birth.

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  • by FaerieWhings on February 23rd, 2008

    FaerieWhings

    Physically we are ready to have children when we start to menstruate. And there was a time when we were mentally as well. It's pure physiology.

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  • by A on February 23rd, 2008

    A

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a baby. Many women want to have babies. Our society has just made having babies look bad. A long time ago, you would fit right in the crowd. Women actually seemed to really want to have babies back then. Then, things changed and being pregnant became a "bad thing". Pregnancy is actually a beautiful thing, though, and little babies are such blessings. ;)

    Just my thoughts..
    I'm not asking anyone to agree with me.

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  • by LordRahlsFavorite on February 23rd, 2008

    LordRahlsFavorite

    Maternal. Instincts.

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  • by UneFille on February 23rd, 2008

    UneFille

    It's normal to have that feeling I think. Keep the feeling, just make sure that when you do it its the right situation for the baby. Don't have it just because you want it. Remember its a person and it needs you to have the ability to support it and it needs a dad. REALLY.

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  • by whiteverson on January 15th, 2010

    whiteverson

    I don't know how old this blog is but I'm a Canadian male in Ottawa at 18 years of age.

    I think that it's a regular part of life but I'm a guy at 18 who since I've been at least 15 was thinking about kids and marriage. Of course i was in a great relationship when these thoughts may have started but the kids part has only recently happened in dreams and thoughts and pretty often now. From the posts here i feel like it's a very female discussion, however I'd like to know what any males think and of course what all the ladies think.

    Thanks, Marc

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