Not at all. Its not because of you that he bought them, that's just guys, that's what they do, they buy stuff like that. No worries : )

This has nothing to do with you. You are not being replaced by his fantasies nor are you required to do anything differently. Very likely, watching it will make him hotter for you.

no it's not your fault at all. talk to him and see if there's something thats happening on the tapes, thats not happening with you. go to one of those shops with him and purchase a " better love making dvd " , that you both can enjoy. you might find out something new that you like , that he wasn't doing or spending more time on. or maybe you don't talk dirty ,and thats what he likes most about the porno movies. have an all out talk with him on likes and dislikes . and get that "better love making dvd " . it might be the answer . good luck im not talking about the mechanics. what im saying is, that another alternative to him trying to get her to watch porno's with him. in hopes that she will start to talk dirty, and try 90 percent of the things on the porno, that she said she would ever do. or another alternative for her , instead of agreeing to watch porno's with her boyfriend (which might make her upset ,or gross her out ). is to buy a better love making dvd . which will cover a wide range of love making, from touching ,caressing, great foreplay, communicating during sex, letting your partner know what you like(when and how long you want attention there) , talking sexy (dirty),role playing and numberous positions. so hopefully since the dvd's aren't done in a raunchy way, and cover such a wide range of getting to know your partner, as well as love making . that it should cover everything on a porno tape, but in a less offensive and acceptible way to her . that's not to say that she wouldn't enjoy watching a porno with her boyfriend . this is merly another alternative , too the situation.

Note something in the way that you phrased this question. "My boyfriend...." The whole purpose of dating is to find someone with whom you are emotionally, spiritually, and philosophically compatible. If you don't like his use of pornography, then maybe you should find someone else, someone who will treat you with the respect that you deserve. I am sure that I am going to catch a lot of criticism for writing this, but I don't care. The truth of the matter is that this is not just the way guys are. It is the way that the less moral parts of society are trying to make guys. You deserve better and should not settle for less. *************** "sunblynd: So mormons do condone pornography." No, we do not. However, we live in a society where that industry has managed to be gain legal protection. Personally, I would like to see it shut down because it does promote immoral and irresponsible behavior. Those of you who think that there is nothing wrong with it really aught to take a closer look at the industry itself. It takes young people, promises them fame, uses them up, and then throws them away when they get to old. STD's run rampant among the actors and they are generally held in contempt by the the people who make the porn as well as those that use it. There is nothing honorable about this industry.

Why is it something YOU are doing wrong? Where is it written that it is your job to fulfill his every fantasy? If he watches them to amuse himself, how much time does he spend at it? Does his absorption in this take away from your time together or is it something he does on his own? Pornography can be pretty crude, but some--believe it or not--can be well done. You need to evaluate your relationship in terms of where his (and YOUR) priorities are. Is this something you could put up with on a long-term basis? If not, why are you sticking around? waiting for him to change somehow? You need to look at yourself, and decide where YOU want to go. A rough answer, I know, but life ISN'T "fair."

What is so wrong with porn? Some women actually enjoy watching it too! Unless it is making him totally ignore you in favor of just porn-Relax! Try watching it with him. You may find it excites you too!

No, there is nothing wrong with him. Not at all. Many people enjoy the occassional pornography. Not all guys do, but to say it is wrong is to say sex in the first place is wrong, which I'm assuming you engage in since you're wondering if you aren't pleasing your boyfriend. Now, I'm not saying you're wrong either, but I don't understand why girls have such a tough time dealing with their boyfriends watching porn. Does he watch it instead of being with you? If he just watches it when you're not around, chances are he's thinking of you and wanting to do those kinds of things with you. And even if he is thinking of the girls in the video, isn't it better that he acts out his fantasies alone in his room than with someone else? When (or if) you masturbate or have sex, are you always thinking of him? What you should do is sit down and actually WATCH ONE. Someday when the two of you are alone, tell him you'd like to watch one with him. He will probably be very excited to do so. If you still feel uncomfortable, tell him so. The most he should do for you is remove it from your sight and not talk about it, but you cannot ask him to stop watching it because you don't like it. If he needs visual stimulation while you're not there, why deny him of that? However, you may find that you enjoy it. If so, better for the both of you.

I'm kinda torn on this one. Porn can be intriguing aside from the circumstances that place most (note 'most') girls in a situation that they would need to make a living that way. But for me the pivital issue here isn't whether porn is good or bad or who's broken and who's not. The key for me is that you're having a hard time dealing with it. Does he know that you know he has them? Have you talked about it? What was his response? Did he/Can he/Will he tell you why he got them and what he's supplementing with them? Guys will say that it's normal that you're uptight whatever, but regardless of the argument, I think porn is a supplement to a relationship where he/she is wanting something more that they're not getting with the other person.... <fire away>

A man who enjoys watching a movie of another man having sex, even if it is with a woman, has latent homosexual tendencies, in my opinion. A man who enjoys images of naked women, however, is simply indulging in a harmless male pastime. I believe that it is harmless because, for me, looking at naked women is more fun than just about anything. From boyhood, men become fascinated with naked women. It's a fascination few ever outgrow. Men need a lot of visual stimulation. It’s why topless clubs are a billion-dollar industry. Most women have a hard time dealing with it, however. A woman wants to be the center of a man’s universe. To many women, indulging in pornography is not much different than cheating. I think it is a mistake for a woman to feel she is competing with DVDs. If your boyfriend is not obsessed with pornography, I suggest acceptance. It would also be a mistake to tolerate something that you have a strong objection to. There’s nothing wrong with objecting to pornography. It doesn’t make you a prude or a shrew. Update: sunblynd's cogent comment is a perfect example of the type of user who thoughtlessly blasts answers they don't like. Genius, when someone says "in my opinion" they don't "know" it. It's a guess, a speculation. I'm speculating that men who spend hours watching other men have sex (albeit heterosexual sex) are indeed exploring conscious or unconscious gay tendencies.

This isn't a direct answer to your question, but - have you tried watching them with him? It might be helpful to your relationship. I don't watch porn now because I find it expensive and not satisfying; however, I have watched porn with my wife and we found it stimulating, but it's not something we have to do to have fun. Next time there's an opportunity, try asking him if you can watch with him, he might be very pleased.

my girlfriend has more porn than i do, some people just get off on it. why don't you ask him if you guys could make your own... perhaps this would be less unappatising to you. is it really you don't like it, that he's checking out other chicks, that he has an 'unusual' want, or maybe its just fun for him. personally i don't own a lot of porn and i watch it much less, but i use the porn to get her excited. and when you get new stuff sometimes it will depict new positions, some that may be 'fun' for you. piece out

Your boyfriend is not watching pornography because of you. He would watch the same amount of pornography if he was with anyone else. This isn't about you or your relationship, although it's obviously having a negative effect. We may look similar (in Thailand, it's hard to tell us apart sometimes), but Men and Women are very different. Different things fuel us - you cannot change this, no matter how hard you try. Pornography for us guys is nothing more than watching a movie - with the exception it gets us sexually aroused. There are actors on the screen, 'acting' (in the loosest possible sense). It's this simplistic, primitive view which is what we enjoy. Nothing intricate, just good ol' fashioned sex and nudity. Women in general can have a much more complex stimulus. The idea of watching a couple (or how many people involved!) making love on Television can be repulsive. You spend too long thinking about it, rather than watching it: "Would he rather be with *her*?" "Is *that* what he wants me to look like?" "Why hasn't the telephone engineer even *looked* at the telephone yet??" etc.. I will go with the suggestion of others and sit down with him to watch together. He's perfectly normal in what he's doing - you probably find yourself in the bathtub in a compromising position once in a while and find your mind wanders to other things... Like I said, Men and Women are different - want the same thing, but go different ways about it. You would agree that whomever/whatever you're thinking of while making love to your boyfriend is your business and nothing to do with the relationship in general - why can't the same apply both ways? Suggested watching: Don't go pick up the first video you see - a lot of it is cheap smut and really won't do anything other than turn your stomach. Look for anything by Andrew Blake (http://www.andrewblake.com/). His stuff is usually softcore but extremely erotic. If you're wanting to sample some "real" pornography, then check it out. True pornography is an art - you'll find his work comes close.

There is probably nothing wrong with anything you are doing...as suggested before, you should try watching with him sometimes. It might lead to some of the greatest sex you have ever had, also, give different ideas to try. From my experience, sex can get boring after a while, if you don't try different things. I enjoy watching porn with my husband mainly because it is very stimulating and leads to great sex. But we also like to spice up our sex life, and get lots of new ideas from watching. And yes, sometimes my husband watches without me, but this doesn't bother me. Because usually, he will try something he saw without me knowing it, and totally surprise me! My belief is that some men just have a higher sex drive than others, and even though you may think you are meeting all of his needs, the extra stimulation makes up for it. I feel like it shouldn't be a problem if he's just watching....at least he's not practicing it with someone else! Back to my original answer....TRY WATCHING WITH HIM!!!!! You never know what might happen!

That depends on what you mean by "right." It is, of course, your right to consent and refuse whatever sexual activities you feel comfortable doing with him or not--in that regard, you are not doing anything wrong. But a relationship is give and take. If the woman refuses to satisfy a man sexually, some men will resort to porn. That is all I meant to convey in my original answer. Also, as I answered to a similar question, the success of a relationship depends on you both having similar views on such things. If he feels porn is okay, but you feel offended by it, that may make relationship difficult. It's not all that much different than if he wants the A/C set at 65F at night while you prefer the windows wide open when it's 90F outside. It's all just a compatibility issue. goawaynow, a.k.a. Grandma Roses: Yes, I feel better too. Thank you! But, in the future, may I suggest that you rate anwers based strictly on whether they are correct or incorrect, NOT by how they make you feel... And when you first gave me a bad rating on this answer, I changed it for you, but the moderator didn't approve of my changes, so you saw the unchanged answer and gave me a second bad rating. Aaaargh! Do you know how annoying and frustrating that is?! More advice: if you see a good answer, give a good rating. But if you see a questionable answer, give the person the benefit of the doubt--you're new to Answerbag, and if you haven't noticed yet, the Answerbag moderator has a heavy hand at revising people's questions and answers. BTW, I changed some of my ratings of your answers back to good...

Rather than going into the pros and cons of porn, I'd like to address your self-esteem concerns. You ask, "Am I not doing something right for him to have purchased them?" And here's my answer: That's not the issue, but in a word - no. Did you get that? No. Although you're obviously feeling affected, the point is >> nothing you do, are doing, have done, haven't done, can do, can't do, and will or won't do - is the reason for your boyfriend's attraction to porn. Nothing. Please remind yourself, especially IF he's addicted to the hardcore stuff, that it does NOT mean that you're not good enough. It does NOT mean that you've failed or that you're flawed, sexually. And it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Pornography and its effect on relationships is more than a simple, one-dimensional subject. That's my opinion - and that of people who study addiction to pornography. They say pretty much the same thing. IMO, it would help your self-esteem if you learned more about the subject. Even if it's not a real sore point between you and your boyfriend now, you may need to deal with it at some point. Or maybe you could help someone else who's having hard time with the issue. You never know. The information is out there - "pornography addiction" got "about 807,000 hits in .1 seconds" on Google, and I'm willing to bet a few of the 807,000 are informative and reliable. If you have questions or comments, please feel free to email me: alyxxster@gmail.com. I would be happy to hear from you. ~~ EDIT: To explain the reason for my approach: notice all the "relax and have fun with it" answers? Nothing wrong with that, if both people agree. Did I need to add another? What for? Surely a well-rounded group of answers on anything allows for both popular and light-hearted opinions, as well as those which explore one aspect of a subject in greater detail. When I originally replied, no one had addressed her concerns from a self-esteem perspective. Yet, look at what she asks: "Am I not doing something right?" Maybe she asked casually, maybe not. I dealt with this issue for seven years. I was not the addicted, but I was in love with a guy who was. Internet, videotapes, magazines, emails, phone calls, everything. Regardless of my feelings on the matter, I did learn a few things. Looking at porn is not a reflection on the partner of the person who's looking. It's addictive, and once it starts, it's tough to break. Addictions impact relationships and people in strong and serious ways. When the behavior continues, the individual develops a tolerance to the current exposure, and requires more stimulation to continue reaching the same level of satisfaction. That's common sense. It's also what the experts say. That he's still at it while she's having a hard time with his behavior justifies a raised eyebrow. imo. That's one indication of an uncontrollable behavior. Addiction is characterized by a person's inability to get a grip on his/her actions. Is she OK with it? No. Is he stopping? No. Considering that most people in relationships are willing to try and change when their behavior hurts their partners, that says a lot. My ex hated his addiction, but he could not stop. He tried, bless his heart. Had I given in to all the doubts about myself that his behavior raised, I would have lost my mind, and came close, anyway. With regard to ratings >> if only Answerbag had been around when I had similar questions. I'd like to think that anyone who could have warned me, would have, without considering ratings. Likewise, when I see another woman indicating she might be starting to go through the same ordeal, yes, I'm going to raise the possibility of addiction. What kind of person would I be, given my experience, if I kept quiet or hopped on the "Have fun with it" bus? I'd give up ratings and more, if it could save one person from heartache. My ex and I are still friends, and he's still at it, BTW. Amazingly enough, it has little effect on me now. Something that was so painful for so long, today gets about as much of my attention as a Kleenex gets from a can of creamed corn. Maybe less. I happen across the remnants from time to time, and -- nothing. No reaction, not even emptiness. That ghost doesn't haunt my house anymore, thank You, God.

It has nothing to do with you; you didn't make him buy them , watch them, enjoy them, by anything you did or didn't do. On the other hand, it has nothing to do with you ; he would be doing this no matter who he was in a 'relationship' with. I put the quotation marks in because, if he knows that it bothers you and ignores that fact, then he is clearly oblivious to your feelings and you should re-consider whether you still want him as an intimate partner in your life. To the males out there (I hesitate to call some of you 'men') If , as so many others are saying, it's just harmless entertainment, it shouldn't be that difficult to give it up if it bothers your mate a lot. If you won't give it up, maybe you are just rationalizing by calling it entertainment, sex education, whatever. --------------- Okay, help me out here, guys. What does this question have to do with the first amendment? I assume that Hungry Guy is referring to the American Constitution; only assuming, mind you, because the Answerbag is a world-wide forum, not an USA-exclusive site. This question appears under the 'Relationship' category and I answered it in that context. If it had appeared in the 'Constitutional Law' category, I would have left it alone, as I have no expertise in that field. As it appears to address man-woman relationships, in which I do have some experience, I answered it in that light. Nowhere in my answer did I insist, or even suggest, that the material be banned. Just because something is legal doesn't make it right to exercise it in every circumstance. In the USA, you have 'the right to bear arms'; if your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife was bothered a lot by you keeping a firearm in the house, it would be wrong within the relationship to do so, even if it was legal to do so. ---- Note to 'Hungry Guy'. In answer to your last edit of your answer, you can change your rating of any item by simply rating it again.This will replace your previous rating with whatever you choose as your new rating. This was implemented in Septemebr , I believe; the news was in a recent Answerbag Newsletter.

I feel sorry for the partners of such close minded people. I enjoy trying new things and listen to suggestions from my partner...not critisize him for his desires, or needs!! Hope all of you lighten up and get real!

Ask him to stop if he dosent LEAVE!!! AND GOD PLEASE DONT WATCH IT WITH HIM. i have read so many times that watching porn with your partner is just not right unless say both ppl are VERY comfy which u obviously arnt. i found my parteners porn and it f****d me over BIG TIME im still recovering from it now. im still with him because he stoped after the 5th time i found his stash and left. then he realised i was better than A4 paper and a tv screen!! good luck and dont stick around if u feel your confidence is going even more down hill it will only affect u in the end and its you who has to deal with it!!

i am in the same position as you are in. i have jus found my boyfriends DVD porn. i am really hurt and upset, i feel ugly and unwanted to think that my boyfriend like to watch other girls and probably mmasterbate over it. i really dont no wat to do!

First of all, it's not you, it's him. He decided to do the porn thing. For a 18 year old college kid, I can understand the attraction. But if you think you are in a serious relationship and he's not "grown out of" the porn thing, you have a problem on your hands. Just like "over drinking" is known to be a think that college guys and gals do, if they continue such on a long-term basis, we call them alcoholics. Do you really want to be married to a guy that is into such debachery? That said, if your "man" is embibing in porn while dating you, he just isn't in to you. Move on.

some men say that sex is ten times better if you are watching porn and doing the exact same thing as what they are doing on the porno

If your having trouble with his by porn (NOT a 'Hard' time)... Then you can do one of two things... 1) Try to get him to discuss IF POSSIBLE WHY he bought the stuff first & see if it is a necessary part of his sexual needs... 2) IF you are anti porn then go ahead & dump him! The problem isnt with you... Work on your self esteem girl! Dont lets some dumb movies, music, internet pics whatever kick your ass... Know you can make your bf cum & groan in pleasure! Work out all your sexual knowledge & KNOW you can get ANY GUY in bed!

You're doing nothing wrong. He is. He knows this bothers you, but he doesn't respect you and isn't mature enough to stop. I'm guessing he's been doing it for so long he'd developed one hell of a lovely sexual addiction or pychosis and more then likely has no sexual empathy or ability to bond with you through sex any more. He also has rewired his brain so that a normal woman's body and normal sexual activity is no longer stimulating to him. You can try all the sugestions. You can sit down and talk with him, but since his communication skills are also trashed it won't get you anywhere, but a fight. After all if he really was mature and comfortable with his sexuallity he would have already talked to you about his needs in the bedroom before turning to porn. And if was a real big boy he would be able to understand that sex is a give and take and sometimes you don't get what you want. I'm sure you don't. He would also understand that you don't go outside of your relationship for sexual gratification if you want to have a healthy, trusting realtionship. You can try watching it with him, but all that does is feed his fantasies and make it more likely that'll he'll turn to porn and ignore you. While eating away at you just a little more every time. My advice is to get out. Being with him will do nothing, but damage you and your self esteem. You shouldn't have to put up with something in your sex life that you find degrading and humiliating just to make him happy. And that's what he's doing, forcing you to put up with sexual activity you don't want as part of your sex life. You two do not share the same values and morals and without that you can't have a strong relationship. You deserve better then this and you know it or you wouldn't be asking us this.

As a husband that likes porn I will tell you... No, it has nothing to do with you. Porn can be a benefit to you actually... It can make him horny enough that you get MORE sex. If he is the type that feels the urge for "variety", it can actually satisfy that need, without him even thinking about cheating on you. If you embrace it a little, you can mix it into your own sex life once and a while... which can really heat things up. Don't let up-tight people convince you that this is horrible, it really isn't. Most people that are uptight about sex are people that either are not having it, are no longer interested in it, have a difficult time having it, or are having it but are with an unsatisfying partner and may be jealous of it. As far as religious people, I am one. I personally think that too many people in religion view sex as a bad thing, it really isn't. Sex and sexual pleasure are perfectly acceptable, even in a religious household. Some people even think that married sex is supposed to be boring... this is so far from the truth. God made sex very pleasurable on purpose, it is supposed to be one of the, if not the, most physically pleasing things that one human can give to another. In my opinion God is not angry, sadistic, or cruel. Watch out for people that preach God is love, but think he looks at something he intentionally thinks is so "horrible" and such a "sin" so pleasurable that humans would naturally want to engage in it... that doesn't sound like a kind loving God to me. Sometimes people take the thought "If it it feels this good it must be bad" way to far... I personally think that God knew what he was doing, so accept his gift, do what you can to enhance it. If someone gave you a house, would you feel bad about improving it? Do you think they would be upset with you if you lived in it? Do you think they would be upset with you if you made it more enjoyable to live in? That is just my opinion, take it as you please.

You aren't doing anything wrong. Men need something to watch and enjoy (not that he isn't enjoying your company), especially when its that time of the month.

Sorry! Meant to be a comment on another answer!

If it bothers you and makes you feel insecure, you're with the wrong man. Break off the relationship and find someone who doesn't make you feel like crap. Why? Because if you marry this guy, and he doesn't stop - or it gets a lot worse - and you have kids, your problems will go from emotional to life issues that can affect an entire family.