What should I do about my 23 year old step-son who has a child who is 3 years old and will not move out on his own.
He has a full time job making $13.00 an hour, does not pay rent or help out around the house. His father won't push him to do anything.
by 
chick98
ANSWERS: 9
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I think you first need to address the issue with your husband/partner, and then address it with the son together.
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Give him a deadline and tell him by that date you will expect him to have his stuff out and have found a place to live. If you do not set boundaries and a deadline, you are enabling his acting like a child and taking advantage of you. He is old enough and has the money to have a place of his own. Unless you want him there for life, you need to get a backbone and take back your house and your privacy. I suggest you have a strong talk with your husband on this also so he will support you, unless he is getting something out of it, in which case you need to address that with him.
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This is the worst- I know this because my mom went through this with my brother. In your case it's especially hard because he's not your biological son, but your son through marriage. I think that the best thing to do is to firstly talk to your husband about it and gain an understanding of how HE feels about his son pretty much "mooching" off of you two, and if you and your husband can come to a mutual understanding of your expectations of his son, then the two of you should address this to the son. Not in a double-teaming sort of way, but more level-headed and open to the situation. I think your husband should definitely be there, because if not it could possibly stir up something in the pot that doesn't need stirring.
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Thank you for all your responses. I just wanted to add though, that I did talk to my husband about it.He feels that he should get his own place, but feels guilty pushing him out because of his situation with his 3 year old. I however am fed up with us being taken advantage of, and when I tell my husband how I feel he gets mad at me and says I am picking on his son.
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I had the same situation with a step-son only he wasnt working, just laying around the house. I talked to my wife at the time and she was not able to tell him to go. So I gave him 30 days to find a job or get out, at the end of that 30 days he did not have a job and was not out so I packed all his stuff and out the door it and he went. Yes, he had a girlfriend and two kids living there as well. I hated to do it, but it forced him to get a job and find a place to live. Even a bird knows to kick the babies out of the nest and make them fly.
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You definitely need to get on the same page with your husband before doing anything more. Share with your husband not only your feelings about the current situation, but how it is affecting your relationship. Your relationship will surely suffer if things continue. The son should be expected to pay rent, food and/or daycare until he can save up enough money to live comfortably somewhere else. Where is his money going? Thirteen dollars an hour isn't a lot, but he needs to learn how to live on a budget. Set up a plan that shows your step-son how much he'll need for living expenses and maybe even find some housing options for him. Not helping around the house is just disrespectful. Even my little kids are expected to help around the house and you aren't 'picking on him' to expect him to pull his share when living in your house.
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First of all he is a adult and he needs to recognize that. Secondly he is also now a father and needs to be responsible and set a example for his child. I think you and your partner need to sit down and speak to him. At a descent time and address him camly. Also explain to him what needs to happen and when it needs to happen by. Your husband needs to know that his son can come back for vists and that his son is now SUPPOSED to be a man!
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To my personal point of view: a stepson and my own son, they are both the same. They simply like their father or fathers. If their father doesn't seem to mind it... women are stronger when they say:" Well, like father like son.." and Women's Lib (if there's any)
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Start putting saltpeter in his food. When he starts worrying about not getting it up, tell him it's likely because of the stress of living there. If he has a ceiling light in his bedroom, have an electrician replace it with a tubed black light and remove all the outlets. This way he can use them, or plug into an adapter in the overhead light.
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