I have been dating a single Dad for 7 months.I am raising 3 kids 8,9,10 on my own.We love each other & My kids love him but now that his boy is almost graduated & he will be kids free he doesn't know if he wants to take on starting over with younger kids?

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• Thanks for the advice, he really is a great guy who doesn't want to hurt the kids but at the same time I told him in the beginning that my kids wouldn't meet anyone unless I was in a relationship that I thought would go somewhere and he persued meeting them and then he even told me once to tell them not to worry about their Dad who they can't see at all because he was here now. I know he loves us he says he just needs time to think. We talked all the time when we were together and my kids even had beds and their own room at his house. I think even thought he has things to think about he shouldn't cut them out of his life right now. I think he feels to bad when he sees them that he is having a hard time committing to them.

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

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• Her kids had a rough time with their own Dad and they can't see him now and I knew that when I went into the relationship and I told her once to tell them that I was there now and not to worry about their Dad. It is just when I got thinking about the next step it is scary to go back through all that again with kids.

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

• The other thing I have to consider is we live an hour and 15 minutes from each other so in order to be together in marriage we would both have to relocate so I could still work at my job I have been at for over 20 years and her kids could still go to the school they are at. She is willing to do that. Also I have always wanted to end up out west someday and may have a chance with my company in a few years but that is up in the air because you never know they do things slow. She is also willing once her kids are out of school to do this with me and is finishing up her bachelors degree so she would be more flexible in getting a job if we did that.

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

• If you move then you could probably find someplace in the middle.

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  by Valparaiso on January 11th, 2007

• I understand relationships are about give and take and it is easy when you love somebody to meet in the middle. People today don't value Honesty, Loyalty, committment and unconditional love anymore it is to easy to give up.

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  by FOX1LK on January 12th, 2007

• Thats part of the reason the divorce rate is so high. If I where you and I loved both the kids and the woman, I'd go for it. I understand you might be thinking about settling down now with no kids but I think thats a small sacrifice for people you love.

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  by Valparaiso on January 12th, 2007

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• Thanks for the advice I have been trying to get him to include me in on helping him with the decision. I truly want whats best for him, his kids and my kids but I feel like he is shutting us out in a way. He isn't the best at expressing his feelings. I love him with all my heart and soul and would have married him in a heart beat and this is very hard for me especially seeing my kids go through this after what they went through with their Dad. I am trying to respect his space but I don't feel cutting us out completely is the answer either.

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

• No, cutting you out isn't right. But if you are feeling this way, I would say, he may be trying to end it but doesn't know how to verbalize it. I completely understand. When I started dating again, I was very careful about who I went out with, and let them know up front that I had a daughter who was my top priorty. If the guy didn't appreciate that then he was gone. If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, and be a "father" to your children, then you need to tell him that and see what his reaction is. If he doesn't respond the way you think he should, then you probably need to break it off before it gets anymore serious. There are plenty of other guys out there who would love to be a husband and a father figure for your children. Dating was certainly a lot more difficult after my divorce and with a child. You need to decide if you want to keep things the way they are, or find someone that wants to be committed to you, kids and all.

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  by kyannie72 on January 11th, 2007

• Well I truly believe that he just how he deals with things and I like to talk about them so I feel like he is cutting me out when in fact he just takes time to make these kinds fo decisions. He is the type of guy who loves animals and can't turn any away and he has a big heart and for 7 months we talked on the phone like clockwork and saw each other at least every weekend and sometimes during the week. He lives an hour and 15 minutes away from me so that has been tough but we have been pretty fortunate to be able to not have many times we couldn't see each other. So now it is hard he is like my best friend and I was use to picking up the phone and calling all the time. I think he is also struggling with having to relocate if we continue with this but I have told him I am willing to move where he will still be able to work where he works and my kids can still go to their school. He also has always wanted to move out west eventually and might have the chance with his company in a few

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

• in a few years but that is a big maybe and I had also told him from the minute we knew we loved each other that I would move with him when the kids got out of school in 10 years we both know there are no guarantees but you can have a plan. I am finishing up my bachelors right now so I would be more flexible if we did move.

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  by FOX1LK on January 11th, 2007

• If you're happy with your situation and you are talking and both keeping an open mind, then I'm sure it will all work out. With kids in the mix, things are certainly more difficult when it comes to making decisions. I really wish you all the best. Matters of the heart are never easy.

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  by kyannie72 on January 11th, 2007

• You are right things are more difficult with children and espacially since he was more of a Dad to the kids in the last seven months than their own Dad was I just don't feel even if he has a decision to make that he should cut them out completely because it might make it easier, their feeling should come first. It wasn't like he ignored them he was involved and would tell them to listen to me and respect me and offer advice. I know he is struggling with both sides of the issue its just hard because he has the chance to make so much more of an impact in three kids lives who deserve it and who love him very much. They would do anything for him all they ask in return is that he love them which I know he already does. I have never asked him for financial support and I have never asked him to take any responsibility as far as watch the kids since we have been together I made it very clear that I wasn't moving in a Dad because I couldn't do it I have been raising them on my own really

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  by FOX1LK on January 12th, 2007

• since they were born. I was looking for a positive influence in their life and for them to see me in a healthy loving relationship. I even have arrangements for them if to go with my sisters if something happens to me.

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  by FOX1LK on January 12th, 2007

• On the note of cutting us off while he thinks. He has to understand that a big part of what he decides affects my kids and me so cutting me out right now is not good ultimately he has to decide but don't cut us out to make his decision easier that isn't fair and I know our relationship deserves more respect than that. Regardless of what the decision is he has been more of a father to those kids for the last 7 months and he can't ignore that whether he wants to take it on for life or not.

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  by FOX1LK on January 12th, 2007

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