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by thegraverogue31 on January 1st, 2007

thegraverogue31

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My friend is 31, a former military man, college graduate, and superviser at his job. He is dating a 19 year old girl, an employee of his, no education, from a poor country in Central America, and speaks no english. I don't get it. Is this appropriate?

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Answers. 13 helpful answers below.

  • by Bollocks on January 1st, 2007

    Bollocks

    Simple answer. If there is no abuse or manipulation involved (either way), then I find it perfectly acceptable. I think you've biased the question towards your personal perception of the situation, for whatever reason.

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  • by justme32 loves the weekends on January 1st, 2007

    justme32 loves the weekends

    I personally dont see anything wrong with it but in a lot of places its against the rules for a supervisor to date an employee at all. As far the age difference that doesnt matter to me either.

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  • by EarthAngel on January 1st, 2007

    EarthAngel

    Honey,if she is 18,she's legal.It's just a matter of personal preference. I personally don't see how where she's from or how little education she has, has anthing to do with the situation.As for being appropriate....if they like eachother and are both of legal age,I don't see how it's inappropriate.There's nothing wrong with it.Where you are from,how much education you lack,and what language you speak or don't speak has nothing to do with liking someone and spending time with them.Maybe he can teach her how to speak english and help her in many ways.If they are happy,then be happy for them. :)

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  • by Alaskacatalog on January 1st, 2007

    Alaskacatalog

    the fact that you ask, and that you add, "I don't get it", is a BIG red flag. You get it, so do I, and it sounds like he is getting it too.

    How many foreigners in this country are being taken advantage of because they are not real clear on the labor laws, the sexual harassment policies, live in fear of losing their jobs, etc. She may be a victim... But.....

    And how many have come in hopes of gaining a better life? She may see him as her opportunity.

    By the same token, we see American men catalog wife shopping for foreign women because so many of them like being catered to and NOT having to take the woman's feelings /opinions into consideration.
    We do not see that happening with American women. When we marry outside of our culture, it may be for love or money [security], but not to dominate the spouse...

    My guess is: former military, she's way younger-- many of them have control issues- depending on how long he was in.

    Read the above then go look at the relationship and personalities involved again. You will have your answer.

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  • by Redhawk on January 5th, 2007

    Redhawk

    It doesn't strike me as very appropriate at all. I understand and remember what being 19 was all about..emotionally and all. But, in this case the young woman is not at all on par educationally, financially, or in the "power arena" of life. He's her BOSS! Unless he is fluent in her language, then we can assume he's not dating her for the sparkling conversational moments they share.

    As mentioned by others here, she may be "using him" in some manner as well...to gain some advance in her circumstances. None the less the Power between them is very lopsided and uneven and smacks to me of MANIPULATIONS that do nothing to enhance the quality of your friend.

    I hope we are all wrong and that it's something more positive and we are all simply missing the truth here...but I kinda doubt it.

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  • by lucylocket84 on January 5th, 2007

    lucylocket84

    He's your friend, you should know what sort of person he is. If you think he's going out with her for the wrong reasons, maybe he is. But if he seems to like the girl and she likes him, I don't see the problem. And as long as it's not against the policies of his workplace, he's doing nothing wrong.

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  • by Wendora on January 1st, 2007

    Wendora

    Your friend is an adult and his girlfriend is an adult also. Nothing wrong that I can see. My boss is 34 and his girlfriend is 26 and is from another country and she is educating herself very well right now.

    As long as he isn't using his position and power to manipulate her sexually, I don't see a problem with two consenting adults in a dating realtionship.

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  • by HappyJeans on January 1st, 2007

    HappyJeans

    It does sound a bit dodgy, but, he is your friend so you should just give him the benefit of the doubt that he really might like this girl.

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  • by brad123 on January 5th, 2007

    brad123

    Right.......................your friend! Well i would say to your "friend" that "he" is taking advantage of this girl. lol

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  • by jaredkorn on January 5th, 2007

    jaredkorn

    I would think its alright.
    My sister's 17 and she is with a 35 year old man.
    Although.....I wouldnt do it if I was 35, I would pick someone around my age

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  • by Anonymous on January 9th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Okay, I am about to sound contradictory, but here goes: I am always nervous about inter-office dating/relationships because they can cause a lot of chaos in the workplace. With that said, I met my Hubby at work and we have worked together off and on since then, both running our own business and working for someone else. We have had few problems in this area. This woman is an adult, despite education, status, ethnicity. Some comapanies would see it as inappropriate for management to date an employee though.

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  • by thatsJustme on February 8th, 2010

    thatsJustme

    they are both adult and its not anyone elses BUSINESS....

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  • by Anonymous on January 9th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Love has no boundrys, Even language.. I could see it possablly being inappropiate only for the fact of business. He's her supervisor.. But if the company has no employee dating rule, and the other employess are cool with it.. I dont think its terrably inappropiate

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