by Capt.Lizzie_pirate king_Swann on November 9th, 2008

Capt.Lizzie_pirate king_Swann

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Will you please let me know what you think of this poem of mine? I'll put in an answer again. Thank you.

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  • by Capt.Lizzie_pirate king_Swann on November 9th, 2008

    Capt.Lizzie_pirate king_Swann

    Chance

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    If I'd have known it was my only chance,

    I'd have taken that dance,

    I'd have walked that walk,

    and made that turn.

    If I'd have only known,

    and seen it coming,

    I could have said yes,

    and taken the chance,

    the only one I was likely to get.

    Now you'd be there,

    more inside of my head than ever,

    I'd have more memories,

    but would I have less regrets?

    Something known can't be unknown,

    but a chance never taken can't ever be again.

    I'd rather have more memories,

    than wishes not come true.

    Now I go to sleep,

    and wish to dream of who else...

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  • by MrBLT needs to be contained on November 10th, 2008

    MrBLT needs to be contained

    I quite liked it. My only criticism would be the last line. It seems much more fluid to say "and wish to dream of you." It even rhymes with the line above. Or maybe - "and wish to dream, dream of you."

    Nice one :)

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  • by Account Closed on November 10th, 2008

    Account Closed

    I really enjoyed it thank you for sharing.

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  • by Phil wonders where everyone is??? on November 10th, 2008

    Phil wonders where everyone is???

    Nice, and the Second verse will be written soon... because it feels like it continues.

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