by 
Jen-Jen
ANSWERS: 5
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I take deep breaths, and ask myself how much I will care about the situation later, after it's been over for a while.
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Pray for strength. Defensive reactions are a sign of weakness.
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By delaying reaction, thinking it through first and categorizing the topic, mainly asking your EGO whether it is really nessecary to defend. Relaxing mentally is done by focusing on something pleasant in your mind rather than going into the defense mode right away.
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Prepare for the situations ahead of time by taking 10 minutes every day to sit in a quiet place and relax. At first you might think of happy things or read some inspirational literature or a text that's sacred to you, just to get you in the right frame of mind. Then just sit and breathe, maybe turning over what you've read in your mind. You might envision a situation that pushes your buttons, and see yourself responding with understanding that the other person didn't mean anything, is just insensitive but not malicious, or might be under pressures of his/her own. . If you have low self-esteem (I sure did), and that makes you defensive, what worked for me was sitting and meditating/praying/relaxing as above, and finding things I was good at, and joining organizations where people are friendly and like you.
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Remind yourself everyday that this is a goal you wnat to acheive eventual you will
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