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by Anonymous on December 26th, 2006

Anonymous

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Help answer this question below.

My sister just told me that her husband's uncle molested a 10-year-old girl recently. The mother pressed charges, but now the police say it will be the girl's word against the uncle and it seems like the mother's giving up on the case. How can I help?

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Answers. 12 helpful answers below.

  • by AntigoneRising on December 26th, 2006

    AntigoneRising

    The best thing that you can do is support the family during this time and reaffirm the need for justice against the perpetrator. I never got justice against mine, which is why I now want to nail his penis to a stump filled with fire ants, set the stump on fire, hand him a dull knife, and watch his delima with utter glee.

    The fact is that these cases are difficult, but she has the best chances of success right now. It gets harder as time passes, and I've seen many cases where molesters were convicted on the testimony of the child. You also might want to see if there are other victims. It is quite possible, even likely, that there are.

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  • by zazzy_one on December 28th, 2006

    zazzy_one

    You have to keep in mind that you are quite a bit removed from the core of this situation. I will assume that you have no evidence that you can provide of any particular incident of abuse. You, as an individual, can't get this prosecutor to that the case to trial: lacking personal testimony about the facts and not being a detective. I think that the well-intentioned AB'er above was not on-target by suggesting that you, a case outsider, become a detective on this case. I think he forgot how far removed you are from the center of the case. I believe that this might be good advice if you were the child's MOTHER. That way, at least you have access to the child, her toys and environs, etc. You...have access to nothing, and if you tried to investigate this, you might foul up some of the evidence that does exist.

    I hate to say it, and you all are going to start thinking of me as a broken record, but: truly, we need more information on this situation before really good advice can be given.

    As an outsider to this situation, you are not, in my humble opinion, the best person to help anyone. Only evidence can help if the molestation occurred.

    Victims need support from friends and family. Making new friends at times like this might create a new layer of stress. You will always be a friend who relates back to a sexual felony. Instead of sharing a common joy of gardening or a book club, that will be what you two share in common. So, you would be a constant reminder of that time.

    Also, we live in a country where trials, not magic or summary execution or judgment are the law of the land. If the prosecutor believes that the case is sketchy, you have to know that people who claim to have been molested, sometimes, for many reasons, have not been molested. Giving the prosecutor the benefit of the doubt (for just a moment, and for the sake of argument), the refusal to prosecute could be because he is doing his job and truly the case is week. And remember, A WEAK CASE COULD ALWAYS MEAN INNOCENCE. So the prosecutor might be refusing to file not just for the inconvenience of having a trial that is a 50/50 propositon, but because s/he geniuinely believes that this man is unlikely to have committed the crime, and hence should not have his reputation raked over the coals for no reason. Afterall, a 10 year old is old enough to be a pretty credible witness. If she is not credible enough to tip the prosecutor over into putting the trial in front of the jury, then maybe (since you are an outsider and you are not at the core of the situation) there is something extremely important about this set of facts THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW. Something important like: the victim told her teacher, her mother, and the police child-interviewer expert three different stories about what happened. If that is true: I myself would agree that this fellow should not have to stand trial for this.

    On the other hand, there have been many instances of important men causing problems to go away with the wave of a hand and flash of the wallet. I watched the entire reinactment of the Michael Jackson trial, and I believe that he is one of those fellows. I think that his victim(s) have suffered at the hands of a wealthy offender + (in combination with) an entirely incompetent prosecution team. Even less-than- important men can luck out and have a incompetent, lazy or non-aggressive prosecutor. If your community believes that this is true, there are a lot of things that the COMMUNITY (not you as an individual far removed from the center of the case) can do. You can go up the ranks to the assistant prosecutor's boss, the chief prosecutor/ district attorney/ or County Prosecutor; up to his or her boss, the governor of the state or the county board (depending upon your jurisdiction); you can contact the press....

    But keep in mind, unless you believe that your prosecutor has been unscrupulous, this might cause the opposite of justice to occur: a mob trial. The prosecutor then causes this trial to occur because of political pressure when they would let any other trial like this drop because of sketchy evidence.

    In general, I believe that the American system of jurisprudence generally works better than any most other systems in the world. By causing the standard of conviction to be pretty high, people don't get lynched by mobs over sketchy evidence. But there are times that guilty men luck out and fall through the cracks. If you believe this is one of those times (as an outsider, I don't know how you could have come to this conclusion... but if you do) then get the community interested in making sure that no stone goes un-turned. Perhaps you can throw your weight behind asking that a town meeting occur. Information of this type is public information. That would allow the public to know WHY the prosecutor's office thinks that the case is hinky. It would be a win-win situation for both sides. The prosecutor would probably be relieved to have the community understand (if their position is the noble one based on evidence and not some back-room dealing) and the community might come to understand more about the case and agree that there is a lot of gray in this particular case.

    Society convicts people. Indidividuals provide evidence and support to friends and family. Without more evidence, I am not sure that you, as an individual, have anything to provide this case. Your heart is obviously in the right place and I wish you well in all of your endeavors, but this case might be one of those lessons: we are not individually responsible for all things. The christians might say it this way: this is not your cross to bear.

    Signed: a lawyer chick.

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  • by Firebrand on January 27th, 2007

    Firebrand

    All you can really do is support the family as a friend if you are one.
    It sounds from your question that everything you know is third or fourth hand and has no legal worth I am afraid.
    Any attempts you make to help investigating could only muddy the waters .
    I hope that the molester is prosecuted and locked away because this is one kind of offender that never changes ,it is a sexual preference for life

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  • by usbpscm727 on January 5th, 2007

    usbpscm727

    I am a retired law enforcement officer, and had a daughter molested at age 7, over 25 yrs ago, and she is still messed up in the head. This needs to be prosecuted for the child's sake, to help her with closure as she does her counseling. My suggestions: get in touch with the Nat'l. Center for Missing & Exploited Children AND I would encourage approaching a mother's group. There is strength in numbers. MAKE the police take action. It may be they are uncertain on how to proceed, or are just lazy.

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  • by Anonymous on December 31st, 2006

    Anonymous

    I would suggest that the mother talk to the DA if the cops are not being helpful. He's the one that decides if a case can go to trial, not the cops. He can also force the cops to investigate further.

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  • by Anonymous on December 26th, 2006

    Anonymous

    What was the time lapse from the rape to the reporting of the rape? this is vital, since dna and other evidence can and will be destroyed. evidence is imperative in a case, such as this. its he said, she said and words are not enough proof. physical evidence is needed in rape cases.

    I know the police have completed a throrough investigation. but, maybe something has been overlooked. go over the facts and evidence yourself, with a fine tooth comb. generally, when a person commits such a crime, they will brag to someone else. its their nature. this uncle needs your attention. ask his friends, ask relatives if this uncle has made comments to them. sometimes you cannot overlook the obvious in a case such as this.

    The police have detectives, but they all are not perfect. you be your own detective and start asking questions. take notes of dates and times and people you talk to. you are helping to build a case against the uncle.

    He has made a mistake somewhere in the past, concerning this rape. its up to you to help the police in this endeavor. its not interferring, when it involves children. you are in an excellent position for this investigation.

    Keep notes, dates, times and who you questioned. she needs your help to make this case for her.

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  • by my2kids on January 27th, 2007

    my2kids

    how can a parent give up on something like this? what would the parent say to the child when the child is older? i can see a lot of trouble in the future for the parents and child, as a parent you should protect your children and if something like this should happen then the parent should do everything in their power to make sure that the person responsible should be brought to justice.

    i would point out how this child will feel when she gets older to find out that her mother gave up.

    the mother might feel guilty as she wasnt able to protect her daughter when this had happened so i would explain that this would be where she could put it right. and i am not saying that it is anyones fault barring the pervert who did this to her.

    personally i would go to the end of the earth to make sure that justice was served.

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  • by Anonymous on January 27th, 2007

    Anonymous

    tell her not to give up, and make sure she does not!! There have been so many men put away in this country because of this reason. If this still does not work, tell her that if this guy does not go to prison, then he will do it to other little girls. Try to convince her not to ever give up. Any thing else i can help with let me know.

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  • by tris992000 on December 26th, 2006

    tris992000

    I think AntigoneRising has given the very best answer in the circumstances. The best thing you can do is just to be there and offer whatever support you possibly can. Good on you!

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  • by Squeezy on March 13th, 2008

    Squeezy

    I have been through a simular situation I was molested by my brother-in-law when I was 10 for 3 years. tell the mother she needs to help her doughter go through this becouse I got to scared to continue my court trial. and it has come back to hurt me for many years. Tell her to keep talking to her doughter and to not get her angry, Love is the best medician. I think if my parents would of been more loving during this I could have continued my case aginst him. But I had no support on it. intill now and Im 25. tell her to make her doughter go through with this no matter what. I assure you she will turn out fine with alittle tharopy and alot of love. Squeezy

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  • by Pete on January 20th, 2009

    Pete

    There's nothing you can do. Stay out of it. Don't express opinions because you don't the facts. If you know the uncle, act the same toward him as you always did. You can help by just being yourself and not interfering, as much as you would like to do something.

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  • by Quiet Writer on August 31st, 2007

    Quiet Writer

    I am curious--who are you wanting to "help"? The uncle, who may have been wrongfully accused? The uncle, who has a problem and needs professional help? Your sister's husband, who has to be feeling a great deal of anger and confiusion? The little girl, who will spend the rest of her life, at the least, being stigmatized, having trauma to deal with every day of her life, that clouds every relationship she might one day try to build? Or the mother, who mostly needs, more than anything, even justice, needs to love, support and understand her little girl?

    Do you know any of these people? If you truly wish to help, perhaps your best course of action would be to volunteer in rape prevention, or rape crisis centers, helping all (potential)victims everywhere. At the least donate to their support.

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