ANSWERS: 1
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  • Incidents like this that damage your trust and self-esteem don't get resolved by putting bandaids on top of the issues. We all like to avoid discomfort, pain, and other unpleasant feelings, but when life has whacked you hard there's really only one way to heal... and it's not by trying your best to forgive or forget. You have to allow yourself to fully confront and experience the painful thoughts and feelings associated with this, and allow them to change you if that's what's going to happen. What happens when people get betrayed and hurt is that they try to protect themselves from those memories by rationalizing.... "it wasn't really that bad", or "the past is the past and everyone deserves a second chance", etc. This just prolongs the mess. You should be mad, or hurt, or sad, or self-doubting -- for as long as it takes for those processes to complete. When they're done, it doesn't mean you'll trust him again, it means you'll have some sense of renewed self-confidence: an awareness that you've been true to yourself with regard to knowing your own feelings and thoughts, and a recognition that you have a choice about how to proceed forward. What you do with that choice is up to you.

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