ANSWERS: 33
  • It was my father. It took a few months. Rough at first, but the last few weeks were almost "pleasant". He was ready to move on to what-ever comes next.
  • Mine was two times with my grandmother which was months and grandfather that was weeks. The experience is one of the worst experience in my life. I was always a critic of religion until I went through that experience where you beg and plead for anyone out there rather god or a magic bunny to make them better. but once they pass I think in a way as crazy s it sounds being by their sides in their dying moments makes you a stronger person. I don't wish it on my worst enemy though.
  • I have spent time with a few people who were dying. One was moments, one was weeks and one was months. The experience was poignant and humbling.
  • My Mom 3 months, my Day 1 month and my son was killed and never got to say good bye.
  • I was blessed to be with my Mom when she left this earthly home for her Heavenly home. She was in hospice care for a week, thankfully for most of that time she was very alert and pain-free (most of the time). The last day she started to experience more pain, but the in-home hospice care nurses were fantastic. My Mom's minister was also there when she died. We, my sister and three brothers, along with the nurses and minister were with her when she died. As the minister was saying "The Lord's Prayer" she drew her last breath when he said "amen". It still brings tears to my eyes, I miss her deeply (she was my best friend) but I feel honored to have been with her. You must be asking as this situation is relevant in your life.......do you care to share more details?
  • My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. I spent time at her side while she was in the hospital. I would just sit and hold her hand. She was very weak, she couldn't eat or drink, or talk. So I just sat and held her hand and looked into her eyes. I did this for about a week straight before she passed :)
  • Nietche's God for few moments that could last forever. Yet Nietche died, and God is still the most alive!
  • It was the hardest thing I have ever done to watch my mother die slowly each day from a rare form of bladder cancer. It has been just over a year now, and I miss her a lot. We got to say the things we wanted to unlike a sudden death like a car accident. But to watch someone you love suffer is very painful.
  • Yes. I went through this with my mom. I knew that she was going to die, but years got cut down to a few months unfortunately. It was an emotional roller coaster ride to say the least. It was very hard to keep my emotions in check when I spent time with her. I wanted it to be as happy and positive as possible for her sake, but the realization that she was going to be gone soon made that extremely difficult. It was a good experience in that I did get the "luxury" of being able to spend time with her and say goodbye properly. Other than that, I can't think of any other experience I have had that was worse.
  • yes and i can't describe it. at times it was very sad and then other times i dunno. i think when something is that emo it's hard to think. it was my dad. but he was in alot of pain, hard time breathing etc. and he was ready to go.
  • I have worked in long term care... I have watched many people die! Here is a story that truly touched my heart... This woman had a wonderful life married an older (but not to old man) had what ever she wanted and they had an amazing love until his death 20 years earlier. She never had children and she was an only child. When she came to us her quality of life was not good.. he held on pretty good for about 5 months then she stopped eating... she held on for 3 and a half weeks with no food or water. A friend came to see her and brought her dog.... She shed one tear while they where there and before they left the building she had passed! She wanted to say bye to the only thing left in her life her dog!
  • Yes... My Dad, three years with bowel cancer that went to his liver. He was absolutely fine for most of the time, lost a lot of weight, but he joined the bowls club (which he thought was highly hilarious!) and lived it until he suddenly started to deteriorate, and for the next six weeks we saw him turn into a mere shadow... it was horrible. I spent as much time as I could there in the hospital, although I was at college at the time. He even helped me with a project! My Mum... she had a accident with one of those scootability things, and it backed into her the first day she had it. It cut her leg open, she had a stroke, and a heart attack, and then they discovered she also had a tumour we didn't know about. She died a week later. She could't speak, but her last look to me said a thousand words, and I'll never forget it as long as I live: Live your life. Do what you must, and don't be second to anyone. I think she always felt she'd missed out on something in her life and regretted not doing what she felt she should have. I'm still trying to get there, Mum :) My Auntie Shirley, earlier this year. Mum's sister, suddenly contracted cancer of the spine. From November she went from being the funniest, sunniest person on this Earth to mean and cruel to her sweet Bertie, but that was the pain talking. She was a ghost in the end, but she could hear us laughing and talking, because on the last day, as I said Goodbye to her, I said 'Sleep well', and she did her little shrug, as if to say 'Oh, don't fuss!' :) She died an hour later. I'm glad we kept up he banter, as that's what she would have liked she was a fun-loving person and wouldn't have wanted us sitting around crying.
  • It was heart-breaking and frustrating at the same time. Watching my dad suffer, but not being able to do a damn thing about it. He had prostate cancer, and a year before he passed, it moved into his spine and he was paralyzed and couldn't walk. We don't know if it was the cancer or the morphine pump, but the last couple of months were the hardest because he was hallucinating a lot. He wasn't much a of a church goer, but suddenly, he was lucid enough to tell my mom he wanted to be baptized. A co-worker and friend of my mom's who was a minister came to the house and she baptized him. His lungs were filling with fluid and he struggled to breathe. Less than 48hr after he was baptized, he passed away about 115 a.m. That was in March of '91.
  • I sadly missed both my parents passing, I would have liked to have been able to just spend the last few hours with them, I imagine it gives a sense of acceptance, of farewell, of being there to help them move onto the next portion of their journey ...... :)
  • Boy this is a hard one, I think the first person I every saw die was when I first got my LVN lic. and was working in a rest home, there was a wonderful elderly German lady who for the 6 months that I had been there NO one had visited, so she & I had become great friends, I always made a point of seeing her the last thing before I went home, on the last night of her life I went in to see her, I knew see had been really ill all day, DR was there and said she won't make it though the night.She grabbed my hand and said please stay with me, so I called home and told hubby why and proceeded to stay and low & behold family shows up and begins BOO-Hoo and Lady kicks them out, only wants me, security removed them.. I held her hand till she passed. I have since sat with my Mom and talked with her as she lay dieing for over a month,from a Brain Aneurysm. Never sure she heard me But I like to think so at one point because she opened her eyes and looked at me, told her it was OK to go home now, I would take care of my sister, died soon after. Helped take of my father-in-law who died of cancer, started in kidneys and spread every where, he asked to die at home and we granted his wish, he lay in bed while family talked about old times and he smiled the whole time, his last night I kissed his forehead and told him we would watch over his wife and it was OK to go home, that was at 11:00pm and 40mins later he was gone each one seems to take a little piece of me with them, I think, watching someone die is hard yet you know their going to a much better place and no more pain
  • I took my mum in in her last months. It was both distressing and wondrous. Sitting with her in the middle of the night as she struggled to breathe was upsetting, but, at the same time, it allowed us time to talk about deep things and for me to comfort her. Waiting for my siblings to arrive at the hospital on her last day allowed me several hours to be with her. She was non responsive, but I knew she was listening. I sang hymns to her from her hymnbook. When I reached the one she wanted sung at her funeral, she moved her hand to remind me. I assured her that I would sing it (I ended up recording it. I couldnt do it live). Sitting round her bed with my brother and sister, telling funny stories and watching her struggle to smile a few times was wondrous. I wasn't there at the moment of her death though. I had left to go back to the church for Christmas carol practice. She died before I even got to the church. I think she let go as soon as I left. That night, I sang at the concert for her with her favourite bear on the stage in front of me. I didn't tell anyone until we were about to start. My friends asked if I would be ok to sing. I told them that mum would be annoyed if I didn't. AS a pastor's wife, I could tell you other instances. So many of them are linked by music.
  • My grandpa, he's actually acted like father cos he raised me since I was 10 days old. He was sick and died while he was in my arms.
  • I've seen someone about 3 days before they died. It was on july 4th that he died and he was always a patriotic guy, served in the army. Although he looked helpless, in pain, and in distress. It wasnt nessisarly rough seeing him accounting I attempt to not have any type of emotional connection with people accounting not everyone on earth is a good person. Although this definatly moved me looking at the site. Im just glad he's out of the pain he was in before. Death is almost like a blessing in some respects as long as you live your full life span.
  • I have spent a lot of the time with the dying at all stages. I spent several weeks with my dad a couple of months before he died, taking care of his needs, talking with him. I could not be there in the closing weeks of his journey, but I found the time I spent with him precious. Others have also been special. For the most part, it has been positive. In the last couple of years, walking with a particular friend through her death process, we spent most of the visits singing her favorite hymns. After she lapsed into unconsciousness, we continued that with her daughters. I have learned a great deal about living from the dying. By the way, a lot of my insights come from having been a volunteer hospice chaplain. There is no finer group of people on the face of the earth than hospice people. One fellow, on the day of his death, when I asked him if he was in pain, looked at me and said, "Yes. Good pain." I have often pondered that. I was not there for either of my grandmothers' deaths and that was hard. One grandfather died when I was one and the other died suddenly and tragically when I was I was a teenager. It is hard not to have the opportunity for farewells, but grace sees us through. I have lost many friends and people I love in many different ways. Recently, one of my best friends had an unexpected aneurysm and died within a week. He was in a state of semi-consciousness and eventually lapsed into a coma. We were able to communicate some and I was able to pray with him and let him know how much I valued his friendship. It was sacred. Once I was called in the middle of the night to come to the hospital where a church member was dying. I had asked the nurses to call me whenever they felt the need to call the lady's daughter. The daughter and I arrived at the door at exactly the same time. The mom had been breathing with the death rattle and drifting off deeper and deeper into unconsciousness. The daughter took her right hand and I took her left as we stood on either side of the bed. I said, "Vera, it looks like you are going home soon and we are both here. I'd like to pray with you." I prayed and said, "Amen." Without a pause, Vera took her last breath and she was gone. The daughter looked at me in amazement, but I knew she had been waiting and that there was no more need to wait. We sat in the room with mom's body for about an hour and reflected on her life. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I have seen similar situations played out and it could take all day to tell of them, but the lesson I have taken away is to never be afraid to be there, no matter how hard or sad. Those are precious moments and will be cherished with tears and joy for as long as we live.
  • My grandmother. She was in the hospital, and i was with her for 3 days of her surgery. What happened the night i left, was a freak accident. Something went wrong, and she went into a brain stem stroke. She was supposed to be discharged the next day after the final surgery. When she was in a vegetative state, i was there holding her hand until they had to pull the plug.
  • My father. He had acute mylocytic leukemia and died within a matter of weeks. I would greatly prefer to never have to experience that again. I've also seen considerable death in combat. Sometimes it's instantaneous. Sometimes it takes hours.
  • I've done it more than once. it is sad at some level, peaceful at others but always a sense of loss over the ending of a relationship that brought me something unique that i will never again have the pleasure of receiving.
  • My brother was in intensive care the last two weeks of his life. I spent as much time as I could with him. WE had already been told he would not get out of the hospital this time and somehow wanted to hold on to as much time as we could with him. It was an unbearable time period. To watch someone you love dying is a horrible thing. You want to hold onto them but yet you want their suffering to end. You pray for peace for them and pray for strength for yourself. I never want to go through it again and I never want someone who loves me to have to go through it. Sometimes when death comes quickly it is a blessing.
  • myex and the lady i looked as at as my mum, they were both devastating to watch, my ex made me leave in the end so my kids didnt watch him in the last few stages. Its the hardest thing ive ever done.:)
  • it was my mom and it was the worst experience of my life. she was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer when i was 15 and died when i was 17. she went into remission for a couple years, but the cancer came back with a vengeance right after my grandmother (her mother) died of cervical cancer. my mothers cancer had metastasized to her brain, with three tumors in her liver, three in her lungs, and cancer in her spine. she could not walk unless heavily sedated by morphine. she died two months later. the mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation treatments were very difficult. its so hard to watch someone who seemed so vital to get so sick, lose their hair, and start to waste away. they become a shadow of themselves. overall it was draining and heartwrenching to see someone you love in so much physical pain. she was definitely a fighter and did not want to die at age 48. but it was her time to go. the good moments during that time were very cathartic. we bonded alot and reminisced on life and shared things we had never shared before. i think she got closure and resolution on a lot of old wounds. she forgave some people she hadnt forgiven before. im thankful for that. she died in peace. what i took from the experience that its important to forgive everyone for everything. dont take anything for granted, and always appreciate every day youre given ~ life is a truly precious gift and not to be wasted. 17 years later, her spirits still with me. i miss her all the time.
  • Yes, I have spent those moments with my mom who passed away in June 13 this year. She fell into a coma and was gasping for her breath. It was just a sense of helplessness for me and other siblings to see her in that situation. We knew she was suffering but there was nothing we could do. In fact her doctor told us honestly to prepare ourselves for the worst. Thank God she did not have to suffer too much (it was only a day or two) before she was taken to be with the Lord.
  • It was very sad and I will never ever understand why animals are not permitted to suffer by law, but humans are :(
  • Yes, my papa has been sick for years since he came back from war with liver disease, and it has reached it's advanced and final stages now. He's had a heart attack and mini strokes for over two years, in and out of the hospital constantly and had two replacement hip surgeries in the past 6 months. I watched him die piece by piece over the years and at most, he has 6 months. It's not really emotionally painful as it is just sad, I've known him for years, since I was born and he's always been around as stubborn and unmoving as ever. Now though, he can barely walk with a cane, has lost 60 lbs, is having liver failure, and is now legally insane, he has delusions daily now and it's just sad to see someone have to suffer so much after all they've done for the world. Not painful, just sad.
  • Under unfortunate four month stay in jail, my cellmate was in the last stages of AIDS. She was very sick. and made alot of noise throwing up and coughing alot, which made it difficult to sleep sometimes. She was removed after two weeks and I never asked why.
  • Yes a few times but the last one was last month with my brother.. The experience is one that is baffling, sad, anger-some... I will say that once they pass they look more peaceful then I have ever seen them... But I want them back
  • My grandmother, April, last year. She died relatively quickly, but it was over 3-4 weeks or so. She went to the doctor when she got back from spending time with my father and mother in Florida. They found pancreatic cancer. Within a week or so, my parents packed their house down there and drove back to be with her for her next appointment. Doctor said she'd have 3 months or so without surgery, but then the found it had spread to other organs. She was in such pain they put her into a hospital, then a hospice, where my wife and I visited a couple of times. We stayed for a couple of hours both times, once with my father there, who went and spent most of every day she was in there with her. When we were there, she barely moved, hardly opened her eyes, and looked even more emaciated (thin) as she had before. She died shortly after my fathers brothers and he spent a few hours with her and had gone home. (Here's a tribute I wrote a couple of days after she'd died. http://www.orangefrogproductions.com/ofp2o_auth_nfts_tributetomamaw.shtml ) I think writing her obituary in the style I did, and then writing that tribute helped keep me from being so sad about her death. I think also the realization that she was no longer in pain helped a lot. Even so, the rest of the family and I still miss her. And tomorrow (the 19th) is our 2008 Bud and Bob Birthday Bash (my dad and uncle), one of her favorite family get-togethers. We will ALL miss her.
  • A close friend of mine moved away to live in another country and her mother took ill...she always had a great deal of time and affection for me as a child. She ended up in hospital dying...and made me promise not to bring her daughter back from her new life to see her, so I told my friend to stay where she was and I looked after her mum for 6 months she was taken into hospital 4 weekd before she died...and I was in the hospital almost all of the time...it was heart wrenching to see someone I cared about, who had a great deal of pride and integrity waste away and be helpless and all she had to look forward to was waking up to see me asleep in the chair holding her hand
  • Both my grandfathers passed away within this past two years.. And my dad is dying too.. All of cancer. Sometimes you feel so many emotions you are so confused about what you are actually feeling. When you find out someone is going to die, things change very quickly. For example, you might notice that the persons friends stop visiting because "they don't know what to say" or "I really don't have time" well that really pisses me off. Even my grandfather's FAMILY stopped visiting him... Ridiculous... My dad is usually in too much pain to do anything.. so sometimes I feel frustrated that we can't do the things we used to do before he got sick. Then you feel guilt because it's not their fault they got sick... and it's like you're blaming them for everything changing. Over the past few months I've felt scared, confused, guilty, sad, depressed, calm, happy, weird, numb, helpless, emptyness, angry, frustrated... it's just a mixture of emotions.. Before my one of my grandfather's died, I spent the day with him. It was his birthday and he seemed absolutely fine. He was talking normally and fairly alert (apart from the effects of the numerous pain killers he was on). No one knew that in just hours he would have passed on. But my other grandfather went into hospital two days before he died. We all knew it was coming so the whole family lived at the hospital. It's a very emotional time, people were smiling, trying not to give up hope as their eyes started to well up... But then... when a person that was in so much agony dies.. and you're in the same room, unless you've experienced that situation before you will never understand what it is like... The feeling is just so indescribable... It washes over you... like a feeling of sadness yet relief and a weird calm..

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