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by Nate on October 1st, 2008

Nate

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Is my wife cheating? What should I do? I found the phone number/address of an ex boyfriend in my computer's search history. I also found a speed dating service on facebook that she visited. I'm considering getting a spy cam and gps tracker for her car

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Answers. 19 helpful answers below.

  • by Nitroduck on October 1st, 2008

    Nitroduck

    I feel for you - and I am going to tell you from experience, that you have to drop the snooping immediately. It will make you mentally ill - I guarantee it.

    I have been down the road you are travelling.

    I tapped the phone and installed a recording device.

    I rigged a GPS unit in her vehicle and hid a sound activated recorder inside

    I rigged a palmcorder with a motion detector light and taped down the "record" button so that when she snuck out on the porch to talk on the phone I could read her body language.

    I installed a keystroke recorder to the computer keyboard so I could see what she was typing, and I created an email account and set up Outlook to send it a blind copy every time she emailed a particular person.

    It made me insane with jealousy, suspicion and rage. I lost 80 lbs and my blood pressure went to 230/126... Well into stroke territory.

    I found nothing solid - just little things that made me more suspicious - and it threw my imagination into overdrive and I treated her very disrespectfully as a result.

    Turns out in the end, that she was cheating and our relationship terminated. To this day, however, I wonder if my suspicions and accusations drove her to cheat, or were my suspicions correct from the beginning?

    Either way - I have learned to live life from day to day with joy in my heart, and I always give my wife the benefit of any doubt. It keeps my attitude and ego healthy, and it helps me to treat her properly.

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  • by Go know thyself is THE RED QUEEN on October 1st, 2008

    Go know thyself is THE RED QUEEN

    Before you go adding insult to injury... Why dont you two sit down and have a heart to heart talk and be honest and detached and as un emotional as possible.


    It is best when everything is out in the open. Spying and sneaking is just as deceptive as cheating. By this... it becomes more about the catching her than it does about the break up itself.

    You would be suprised the things that come out when you deal with someone directly when it is time to deal with one another.

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  • by Bitto on October 1st, 2008

    Bitto

    Don't stoop to that level; simply ask her if she no longer loves you, and tell her that you are ready to accept the truth.

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  • by Stefanie Ninja and her fists of fury on October 1st, 2008

    Stefanie Ninja and her fists of fury

    I think there has been enough sneaking around already, don't lower yourself to that level. Sit down and TALK to your wife about what is going on. You guys need to be open and honest with each other.

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  • by Mountain Momma on October 1st, 2008

    Mountain Momma

    I think you should sit down with her and discuss it. Spying isn't the right way to go about it.

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  • by Have A Smurfy Day on October 1st, 2008

    Have A Smurfy Day

    If you don't trust her (i.e. checking her online activity) then you have problems in your marriage and you should discuss them with your wife. What if you found that she was cheating? What if you found that she wasn't? And if she wasn't and you invaded her privacy with a GPS and cam, how would she feel?

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  • by oscar lover on October 1st, 2008

    oscar lover

    you should trust her. if she is cheating you will find out in due time.

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  • by Sweet T on October 1st, 2008

    Sweet T

    If you dont trust her, why dont you just leave. Being obsessive is not healthy.

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  • by The Fool on October 1st, 2008

    The Fool

    I can't imagine how you feel. You must be lost. I would talk to her about it and ask if you can do marriage counselling. Even is she isn't cheating, you need help to get past the suspicions. Tell her you need some help and would she work with you on it.

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  • by The Music Roob Ninja on October 1st, 2008

    The Music Roob Ninja

    Talk to her! Please don't spy on your wife, regardless of whether she is cheating or not there is no way you can continue to have a healthy relationship if you do this. You need to be honest, and tell her what you know and how you found it. If you were looking for suspicious signs in her browsers history you need to tell her why you were suspicious. Try not to get angry until she's had her say and be calm about the whole thing even if it turns out she is cheating. By remaining calm you stay in control of the situation. I realise all this is easier said than done but I am sure it will hope and I sincerely hope your wife is not cheating on you.

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  • by James on October 1st, 2008

    James

    spying on her is not the answer,
    Bring it up in a conversation with her and ask questions without emotionally drenched words.
    Perception is projection. What I mean by that is because you have assigned a meaning to her viewing this website you have felt an emotion of jealously which has caused a belief that she is cheating on you.
    What if you change your perception of her viewing this website What if she was having a laugh with the girls at the idiots on the website and then said "I bet my ex boyfriend is sad enough to go on here, shall we see". You wouldn't feel the way you do now.
    You may want to ask her about it before assigning meaning to her having been on the website. You think you know that she has looked at the website, you haven't got a real idea why at present. By asking her you will also gain her respect, by spying on her she will feel trapped and caged in.
    Besides, if she has been cheating its a much quicker way of finding out. Much less heartache.

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  • by deidra on October 1st, 2008

    deidra

    Save yourself some money and talk to her - dont accuse.

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  • by Mara1979 on October 1st, 2008

    Mara1979

    Look, in a lot of cases search history doesn't tell you diddly. Sometimes a simple slip of the mouse can click a link ad and you end up on the wrong site. Trust me on this one, snooping will only make a bad situation worse. It can become addictive and even the littlest things can be mistaken for a big situation when you are snooping because you dont trust her and your mind is looking for a reason for the way you feel. If she is being unfaithful, you will find out sooner or later without disrespecting her privacy. Let me ask you this...do you honestly think she would be stupid enough to leave easy access evidence on the computer history?

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  • by OMGS on October 1st, 2008

    OMGS

    I really think you should consider talking to her. be completely honest of how you feel and why you feel that way. hopefully she will respond with honesty as well. If it doesn't go well, then you need to think about what would make you happy, and not miserable.

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  • by Lucy03 on October 1st, 2008

    Lucy03

    While I understand the opinion of the others, it isn't as simple as that. I went through something like this for a while. I did try to be open and honest. I did not sneak around and check computers. However, more than 15 years of marriage and having a very strong nagging feeling I felt the need to search the computer. My life was turned upside down. Not only had my husband cheated and had been with several people. He met people online at "Adult Friend Finders". I had NEVER none these place even existed. They are for married and single people to hook up with no strings attached. I approached him & it was at this point that he finally admitted to everything.... yes even more than I found. So while you could "just ask" if she is cheating....chances are she won't be honest without you having more proof that she can't down-play.

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  • by hipnotic on October 1st, 2008

    hipnotic

    I think yes she is, but everything heppens for a reason. you should find the problem and fix it. i mean you might be the reason.

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  • by Jane on October 1st, 2008

    Jane

    thats a good idea. I'd make sure you have all the facts before you confront her.

    Good luck!

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  • by Little Devil the Pumpkin King on October 1st, 2008

    Little Devil the Pumpkin King

    If she isnt she sure as hell is thinkg about it! I would confrotn her with what u saw.

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  • by armygirl on October 1st, 2008

    armygirl

    Please don’t spy on your wife any more you around invaded her privacy but looking at her face book and checking up on her to see where see goes on line , you’ll just be dropping to her leave. I’d be pissed of if my husband checked up on every little thing I did. Sound like you all have trust issues. Have you talked to her about it? I would say that’s the 1st step.

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