Answer to:
Describe your ego in not more than three words? Tasty caramel center

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Do you think that this guy is still a danger to society? Ryan Seacrest is the Devil's spawn...

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I come from a family of ____? waffle smugglers

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Our bodies r micro-universes& by maintaining balance in r bodies of these primal universal forces,we remain in good health-Agree or not? and yet I still want a sandwich.

Answer to:
How many electric machine could one use in one's life? One. We are all part of the Matrix.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What creates an environment of fear? What doesn't? Why? 1) Ignorance 2) Knowledge 3) Do the math, otherwise refer to #1.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Customer service. Why don't they just let you talk to a "representative"? for a straight answer press or yell one for a serious answer, press or whipser two. for your answer in ASL press or sign the number 3 for your answer in Irish, press or what the hell, Angus is drunk again today. It has to do with giving the representative the power to asnswer questions and to make decisions.

Answer to:
Don't you just love lighting? I like both lighting (bringing of light to a dark area) and lightning (the electrical discharge in the sky).

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
I want to organise a nude party; how can I ask friends without offending? Poll your friends. Ask them if they would like a "nude party". If the answer is yes, give them a coat hanger for their clothes and have at it, otherwise just watch your neighbors party.

Answer to:
What consequences are there for a Mormon who remains unmarried? Lots of cream cheese.

Answer to:
What's you favorite citrus fruit? the kumquot

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What should I take to a 5 day 4 night volleyball camp? Please list everything! a cat on a stick 3 lbs of onions a 3 way mirror a Thomas Kinkade painting a 40 pound cheese roll

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What were medieval castles made of? Peeps.

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How old are you when you are middle aged, my big sis at 42 refuses to fall in that bracket? I've seen people young at 90 and old at 22. Middle aged is not a half way point between anything. Not like Dallas is half way between El Paso and Houston (an example, not actual fact) If your sis is Young at Heart, let her dance like no one is watching and love her for that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bslSxYwgwlE

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Whats something i could show you, that you will never forget 1) a politician that is honest. 2) a three headed monkey 3) a self milking cow 4) a statue of you made of cottage cheese and green sherbert. 5) an honest self milking three headed politician made of cottage cheese and green sherbert

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you plan to get a sheep and a cow and breed horses? No, but considering that they have moved into my house I have little choice but accept it.

Answer to:
Duke LaCross team, Tawana Bradley, now Trayvon Martin. When will Al, Jesse, or Barack quit trying to fabricate racist crimes? The day you trade in your sheets for a brain.

Answer to:
why wont the government disclose the information they have on extra-terrestrial beings to the public? Because they run the government. And Hillary Clinton would have to go back to Area 51.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Can you name one thing you love about where you live? It's 1500 miles away from you?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Does this photo arouse you? Fishing bait on a nice plate. No arousal there.

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
What is something that should not be returned? Previouly used Jello

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
What places should mobile phones be turned off? I attended a funeral and a cell phone started ringing, everyone looked around and no body's phone was ringing. The ringing started again, the embasrassed wife stood up and said that it was her dead husband's phone, which he want to be buried with. He wanted to go into the afterlife with a fully charged Blackberry and Verizon's "Friends in the Next Life" plan.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
How do you dispose of used cooking oil? I spread it on my street and watch the cars go slippy-slidely.

Answer to:
Age of majority must be 16 instead of 18 or 21.Agree or disagree?Why? Answer redacted by Giant Killer Sloth

Answer to:
Can you enjoy reading a book without believing everything the writer has to say? The Yellow Pages (TM), Brooklyn 1950

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
Do you like pets？ sure, even better when they make bbq for me...

Answer to:
What's a job you would NOT like your child to have? 1) Whale feces collector 2) Toad fart counter 3) Koolaid taster at a Jim Jone's meeting 4) Mosquito artifical inseminator 5) Trumpet Spit valve repairman

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
I got my finger stuck in ___________. my pet cow's left ear. Don't ask!!!1

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How fast does a houseflies heart beat? about 370 beats a minute.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If Obama apologized to you and fixed the top 5 things on your list, what would they be? 1) Bring back the free birthday meal at Dennys. 2) "Dancing with the Stars" 3) Deflate Kim Kardasian's ass. 4) Free membership in the "Elk's club" 5) $4 dollar foot long sandwiches....

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
How did the hand gesture "devil horns" get started at metal music concerts? It is an attempt my concert goers to give the "finger" but are unable due to partaking in alcohol, drugs or spinal traction.

Answer to:
What was that hand gesture you just made at me? Hang loose or loosely hanging, which depends on age and the affect of gravity on you.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
69 in a 65 in west virgina what is the fine amount Speeding is a capital offense in Virginia. The death penalty is given on a regular basis with no appeal rights.

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Did AB overstep our rights freedom and privacy by asking us us to answer a survey we did not ask for? I lie in every survey i take and that is the truth.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
So what did you give up for lent? I have decided not to give up something but to do more for others. I have donated to my local soup kitchen. Volunteered at a animal shelter. Worked with a group of elderly people and flossed after every meal.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Why would the lion sleep in the peaceful village opposed to the jungle? So he could redeem his frequent flyer miles.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
is $60,000 a decent salary for one adult. where? doing what?

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Where's a good place to lose myself? The depth of your soul if you have one.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If elected POTUS, will Santorum fight Satan? If so how will he do it? Ultimate cage fighting?

Answer to:
If I was a Vampire would you be afraid? only because you would suck at it.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why do I keep hearing voices at night? Turn off the Art Bell show.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What are the odds I will be president one day ;) about the same as being attacked by a great white shark on the corner of 4th and Union in Oakland next Tuesday at 3:30

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Would you like to drink with me? only if you are buying....

Answer to:
Why are you wearing boots? because they were made for walking. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww Sorry about that...

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
When you examine your life, do you cringe? other than running for the position of Ruler of the Known World I have nothing to cringe about.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I wished I lived closer to _____________? tomorrow.

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Answer to:
Planet Earth is blue and __________________ very tasty with plum chutney.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Did you have a healthy breakfast today? 2 slices of pizza and a beer.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
My hair________________? is available as a topping on a Dominos pizza.

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Answer to:
I hear a_____________________? a farting cricket

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Answer to:
I'm going to the mall to dye my hair blonde in a little bit! Should I get the nails done while I'm there too!? and what about a wash and a hot wax and realignment ?

Answer to:
What is the worst job that you have ever had?Or can imagine having? 1) Selling Elvis Greatest Hits at a Deaf Lumberjack Festival 2) Selling "AfterLife" insurance policies at an atheist convention. 3) Selling lowfat ice cream outside of the neighborhood "Curves (tm)"

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I have a fear of _________? fear (Phobophobia)

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you see God as a man or a woman? yes I do

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Answer to:
You know its a boody call when_________________?:-) you call up a hot number and your wife answers.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Poll: Who causes the most problems in the world? Left handed people

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would y help yr kids financially past the age of 18 you don't. But you do pray for them and heavily insure them in case something happens.

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I get no thrill from _________ 1) kissing zombies 2) dirty dancing with your mother 3) Monica Lewinsky playing with my zipper. 4) Drinking tequilla on the top of the water tower in the center of town 5) French kissing Sister Mary Martha

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What a difference ___________makes !? cleansing enema

Answer to:
How do we look like? Everyone has a moustache?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
When a customer ask you for this, what would you say? If you have to ask you can't afford it.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is is true that eating tomatoes make a girls breast's grow? and using catsup will do what?

Answer to:
What raw meats can give you worms? most wild boars will give you worms and not the red wiggler kind at that.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What does your dog told you? the winning lottery numbers, we have won nearly $4000.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What kind of education do you need to be an actor? Most actors are dumber than a box of hammers (not to insult hammers).

Answer to:
Sitting in an English garden waiting for _____________ Beatrix Potter, that Victorian hussy.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
I don't object if you _________________ dismember my mother.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is it about Subway that you dislike? The smell of urine on warm nights. Oh, you mean the sandwich place, well the same answer fits.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What was your favorite T.V show growing up? the test pattern on channel 7

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Can you cut me a piece of ___________please!? bull testicle.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I hurt myself __________________________ thinking. damn there it goes again...

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Delicate like ____________ . a male black widow spider leaving after sex.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what phd earns the most money? the phd that sells real estate.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
There is no school on ______. Mars.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why do I still miss you? I still owe you money you ain't gonna get.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Do women lie about there weight do birds swim ?, do fish fly?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
When do stores start selling swimsuits? when the outside ambient temperature rises above 32 degrees

Answer to:
Do moth balls keep cats away? I would rather use a coyote or land mine.

Answer to:
What is the strangest thing you remember seeing a cat doing? making me coffee this morning, she put 4 teaspoons of sugar in it.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I dont like the way she______________? walks like an Egyptian.

Answer to:
I dont like the way she______________? emails x-rated photos to herself to get aroused.

Answer to:
I dont like the way she______________? dangles her sixth finger like a rock star.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I dont like the way she______________? licks her eye brows to get attention.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I dont like the way she______________? coats herself with lard to fit into tight places.

Answer to:
Im gonna wash_______________? this potato and insert it slowly into your left ear...

Answer to:
Who created the distance formula? Rick Distance

Answer to:
Does Mark Zuckerberg believe in Jesus? Does Jesus believe in Mark Zuckerberg?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What seems like it could be found all over your country? Why? Maple syrup, because it's national soak your waffles in maple syrup morning.

Answer to:
"Died with a smile on his/her face". How about you? and my boots on.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are moose dangerous? Damn right they are. I had a moose pull a knife on me last year and it took my watch.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What should I take to a christmas pizza party? plenty of film for your digital camera. You can make a fortune blackmailing your co-workers.

Answer to:
Home is________________? where my ammo is

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How did ALJ Malihi conclude that the downloaded "birth certificate" is worthless, but also good enough to prove where Obama was born? who really cares?

Answer to:
How do you make cussing against the law for middle school students, high school students, and college students in the United States? You don't. Ask them if they kiss their mother with that mouth.

Answer to:
When was the last time you heard a doorbell ring? 8 minutes ago. Scared that little girl scout, got 6 boxes of free cookies.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
can you be heard outside the bathroom door ? never, but the smell has distracted migrating birds.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
In one word describe Pamala Anderson? shoeleather

Answer to:
How protective are you about your s/o? very. and it will be painful.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What's the tastiest dish you've eaten that contained spinach? my chocolate sundae

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How do you know when it is done ? It starts to ooze a creamy filling all over the floor

Answer to:
Are you starting to like Obama more and more? Who?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why is your pocket full of ___________? belly button lint.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
And the AB Pumpkin Award goes to______________________? what are you talking about Willis?

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
OH NO! Not the _____________! Spanish Inquistion!

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
COULD YOU FACE your extreme worst fear for money .? My worst fear is talking in front of a group pf large breasted naked women and you wouldn't have to pay me much...

Answer to:
Which movie actually scared you the most? the home movie of my first marriage.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Are we evolving for the worse on AB? I've evolved into a carriage and that can't be good.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Hmmm...I see a box by your bed, what's in it? my soul, it's back from the cleaners.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
I fantasize having a _______________ 1) a brain 2) bowl of mac and cheese 3) a giant cat scratching post 4) 40 pounds of stale goose pate 5) two tennis balls stuck in my cheeks.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
have u ever wasted time? I answered your question.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you have a scar over your left eye? Nope, but there is one on my left testicle and for $50 I'll tell you how I got it....

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How fast can you spend $100.00? My personal best is 4.75 seconds.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
My 6yr old son mentioned today that he has secrets he's keeping from me... He is 6 years old. He is trying to act more grown up. It really isn't anything. Or you can buy the book, "Water Boarding on children" from Amazon (available also as a Kindle down load)

Answer to:
Have you ever sent me a telegram? yes, dot dash dot dot dot dash

Answer to:
What's right around the corner? Another corner.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why did you call my mother?! She wanted me to bet $20 on "Silver Moonlight" in the second race tomorrow.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
And what do you bring to the table? world peace and a clean table cloth.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What are some good good names for a pet lizard? spot daisy duke missy laverne tyco leonard

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Vote: Racist moslem or an adulterer? are you refering to the presidential race or your next date?

Answer to:
My best tip for saving money on shopping is____________ 1) pay cash 2) use a shopping list 3) eat before grocery shopping 4) buy what you need, not what you think you might need. 5) don't shop with children or whinney spouses (can I buy this, it's on sale?) 6) avoid crowds 7) use coupons but don't buy 20 bottles of catsup to get a better deal. 8) consider waiting for sales, ie home furniture is cheaper in the month of Febuary. 9) newest doesn't mean...

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Why was Jim Morrison also known as "The Lizard King"? He fathered the Geico lizard.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Every time I see you _____________________ I want to vomit in your shoe.

Answer to:
Will you buy me a battery charger? In a word, no. But if you mow my lawn....

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What does it mean to be narrow-minded? Someone with their head suck in a vise.

Answer to:
How do I set quartz wall clocks? I use a ball peen hammer and a fifth of cheap whiskey.

Answer to:
When will the internet go away? there is no internet, you have no need for the internet, move on.

Answer to:
What was the first arcade game designed by a woman? "Shop 'Til You Drop" by Sega

Answer to:
What goes best with bacon? more bacon, duh!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If trouble is not your middle name, what is it? Soupbone, my parents had a odd sense of humor.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
which celebrity has the least amount of talent,Paris hilton or Kim Kardashian? Paris hilton is a Einstein compared to Kim Kardashian

Answer to:
I just love the way she______! skins the rabbit.

Answer to:
Are you trying to get smart with me? you getting smart has never been a problem with me.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
In which country can a wife legally kill her husband ,but only with her hands...?? In Bakersfield, CA. but only on the third Saturday of each month.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How would you feel if Lorena Bobbit gave you an erection? I would wonder where she got it from. And isn't she the spokesman for the Ginzu knife.

Answer to:
excuse me who said you could_____________ fart in the bath water.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Can you see clearly now the rain has gone? Johnny Nash called and said he wants his song back.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is your hoover's name? Mike Dyson

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Y'all ready for this? yes, you do look like a Karnashian.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Did I scare your kitty? i don't have an uppity kitty.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Would you like to share with me? a postage stamp

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What should someone NEVER reach for during an acid trip? 1) a chain saw 2) a piranhna 3) Kim Kardashian's ass 4) molted lava 5) sweat flavored jelly beans

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the secret name of god in the mormon relgion? Leonard. email address is leonard@heaven.com @the_big_guy_leonard

Answer to:
How wide can you spread them? are you a dentist or just very rude and stupid?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Do you take sleeping pills? that would be rude, I wait until they are awake..

Answer to:
can someone tell me why life is worth living? I will kill myself tomorrow at 5.00pm if none of you can could I have your toaster oven? and is the warranty still active?

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Whats your favorite word that starts with "L?" liposuction (for a discount on your next liposuction call 1-888-suck-fat)

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
How do I put DVDs on an iPod using a Mac computer? shove real hard.

Answer to:
What was your favorite television show or radio show as a child? Channel 4's test pattern

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
where were u born? Sisters of the Innoculated Virgin Hospital and Taco Bar

Answer to:
Would you like to sleep in my bedroom? Isn't your room the one with the tire swing in it?

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What is quintessentially the most redneck town in America? New York, New York.

Answer to:
if you had someone breaking in your house and you had a shotgun and a 3 month old baby...would you shoot? Listen to the 911 call. She asked if it was okay to kill intruder. The 911 operator said "do what you need to do to protect the baby." She did, thank God. Baby has a mom for a life time. Moral of story: Don't piss off a mother. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1-Kz3vU5DY

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
My Mom not buy me an iPhone. What should I do? thank her and save your money to buy one....

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
My God, My God, a ______________ got my ____________! pole dancer got my pole!

Answer to:
What is your Plan-B ? take a nap.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What does that look in your eyes mean? The doughnut I ate went down sideways.

Answer to:
I'm callin it. Rick Santorum wins. Romney 2nd. Paul 3rd. Perry 4th. Bachmann 5th, and drops out. Gingrich 6th. What's your 2cents? Politics are like a horse race, Santorum is the head and Bachman looks the horse's arse.

Answer to:
OW! Why did you slap my butt?! that was your butt, I thought you were stealing a ham.

Answer to:
WHAT is the trouble with HUMANS? they don't bbq well.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How much do you get for adopting a new Webkinz? Lots of therapy.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Where do you buy your toys? Bed, Bath and Beyounce.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
?aixelsyd evah uoy oD ylno no yadsuet

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Have you seen my latest video? Yes, I didn't know you were into alien autopsy.

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
So, my ipod got wet, and now the screen is all white, when I reset it, it makes a beeping noise. Is there any way to fix this? no, it is dead.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If Jesus could walk on water, and humans are 78% water... if I walk on someone, am I 78% Jesus? Yes and I am the queen of England..

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Give me a word that has 2 L's in it. :) stellar and I am only loaning you this word, I may need it back.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
For $ One MILLION dollars would you sleep( have s--) with Donald trump? No. Must wash that image out of my mind.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Did I stole your questions? if you did it would be be due to sun spots.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Never argue with _____________________________ one armed man named leftie.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Who wants to clean my cat box? sure, I'll just toss it out on the interstate along with the cat.

Answer to:
Are you scared of cats? only because I haven't got a Manx cat recipe yet.

Answer to:
Out of all the musicians that are dead...which ones do you wish were still alive? And why? Paul McCartney he has been muscially dead for 40 years.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How long after marriage can a female change her name? The record is 8 second by Elinore Smyth-Pratt, who changed her name to Debi Funbunch.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Any ideas what the mysterious "space ball" that landed in Namibia is? Space alien scat

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can I get you a phone number? Do you have the number of Mildred Wetcheese in San Antonio, Tx?

Answer to:
Are jet skis dangerous to humpback whales? Only if they run out of gas.

Answer to:
What is something you like that is really hard? Diamonds.

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
What's something that's not easy to forget? The last time I saw someone covered in Cheese-Whiz.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Is Santa an overweight Alien? No, he is not. Are you?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are you a superstar? no, I just get the job done.

Answer to:
Do you want some bacon? are you still hogging it?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can you give me a word that starts with a "ۺ"? "sprinkles"

Answer to:
What enslaves the mind from accepting new ideas? 1) fear of the unknown 2) fear of failure 3) trolls 4) monkeys

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Go Big or___________ Hide in the corner with your monkey

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is that glow about you.. could you be pregnant? I just drank a glass of Johnson Wax (r) (Johnson Wax-a Family Company)

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
In what year did mankind stop evolving? the year you were born?

Answer to:
If man has evolved from the monkey, why are there so many different species of monkeys, yet, only one of man; is there a difference? we evolved from a common ancestor. Not from monkeys.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Do I wear too much makup? you are very pretty and would look fantastic with or with out makeup.

Answer to:
Does time go backwards in the southern hemisphere? only when you are on the toilet after a counter clockwise flush.

Answer to:
So, what's on your rooftop? A satelite dish and Charlie Sheen. And believe it or not the reception is better with Charlie up there.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you believe in earthquakes? yes, but they don't believe in me.....

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? and this is a question?

Answer to:
Do you find the term "The Greatest Generation" stunningly arrogant? No. In the same fashion that the current generation will be known as the "gimme generation".

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
In one word, how would you describe god? Dude

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can a number be both rational&irrational? Yes, in that respect they are a lot like teenagers...

Answer to:
my ex bf turn me bi and he said i turn him bi? can people just turn bi? sure, but only if you go to Best Bi's

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What did you do to my bedroom?! nuked it!!! Only way to be sure of eliminating all your nasties.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Can you guess my favorite number? and remarkably it is also your IQ.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Can you say you have? yes, but the Men In Black came and took it..

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Where does the money go? to support the 99%'ers

Answer to:
Ladies: what kind of things do u keep in your purse? My wife carries a Glock 19 and a flash-bang.

Answer to:
Why ladies always go first? so they will get the cream pie in the face.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
How often do oyu smoke youre weed/marijuana never.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
i ate 5 large Mcdonalds Fries. should i not of done that? the chest pain you will be feeling soon should be your answer.

Answer to:
i ate 5 large Mcdonalds Fries. should i not of done that? redacted by order of Answerbag moderator #32.

Answer to:
Where's the exit? Like the Hotel California. You can check in, but you can never leave. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29uwz_eagles-hotel-california-original-ve_music

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Is Obama the most manly President ever? as manly as Hilary if she was president.

Answer to:
What would a frozen chicken from the 1920s look like? call my mom, she probably has to have one from the 20's to tickle your need for old poultry.

Answer to:
There are no_________in my city alien lifeforms

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What do you hope happens one day? that man will walk on the moon, that we will have home computers (imagine being able to communicate with people throughout the world instantly), that we will be able to communicate using telephones that have no wires, and that we will have more 3 channels on our televisions.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Did the ancient Mayans know something we don't know? Yes, they had even Funny-or-Die way back then!!. Their biggest joke was the World Ending in 2012 hoax.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
what kind of pills or medication can I overdose on to kill myself succesfully, i've heard of many failures and don't want that to happen? Used Pro footballers Athletic socks. Seriouly, seek help.

Answer to:
What year did you received your first paycheck? 1965

Answer to:
Do you remember when __________ ? I remember when I could spell good.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What makes you warm? 96.3 KWRM

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How do you think people usually read your "tone of voice" online? Why? most people think I am a turd and they would be mostly right..

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
The World's Oldest Profession? I asked my professor back in 1990 what the oldest profession was and he answered "Village Idiot, check your family history".

| 2 people like this

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What do you think YOUR hair tells the world? nothing, my hair does not talk.

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What would you do if a student pulls whoopie cushion pranks on you everyday at school? shoot the bastard with my .45 Colt Peacemaker

| 1 person likes this

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If I were Adam... I would ask that God name the first woman, Yolanda.

| 3 people like this

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I'm traveling to NYC for New Years, Where is the best place outside of NYC to park my car and commute in? 3rd and Ocrhard, in Murphy, MO

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Are you excited that The Rock has finally come back to Answerbag? no, it was prophesied in the bible. I t described the second coming of the "Rock".

| 1 person likes this

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Whats the meanest thing you have ever said to someone? 1) those glasses make you look smart. (Imagine it took so little to do that.)

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Is Osama Bin Laden sitting on the couch with George W. Bush watching Chuck Norris movies and laughing at the American people? whatever medication you are on; you should stop taking it.

| 2 people like this

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If the AB staff is so smart, why do they only have 7900 points? they trade in their points for plushy stuffed toys.

| 4 people like this

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What's a song that reminds you of your ex? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooi8Cnb1fx0

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i have a bump/lump type thing on my head above my forehead sometimes it gets bigger then it goes down again? any ideas what it is It isn't your brain swelling and it probably isn't termites.

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When is the best time to do aerial photography? when the sun is up. Otherwise you need a huge flash unit.

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Was today the last day of the rest of your life? No, sorry. I'll be here tomorrow to bother you.

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Whats the greatest pirate name? The Pirate Randy. Brought swash buckling to a new low.

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Will the Earth survive 2012? yes. You and that natty haircut, no.

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Difference between invention and discovery? a patent and tons of money.

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I ringed your doorbell 5 times! What were you doing!? Skinning alive the last door to door salesperson.

| 3 people like this

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If a rose represents Love, what do thorns represent? A mediocre song by Poison. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c56vEgA4fjU

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What is something some people might drink? 1) Goat blood 2) India ink 3) Squid sputum 4) Bilge water 5) bottled spring water.

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How do I get responsible? grow up

| 3 people like this

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What's the difference between stereo and mono? mono can lay you up for a couple of weeks,

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Have you ever went to a hotel for some oral pleasures? "have (I) ever went" this is the worst grammar I've seen since the "Great semi-colon Tsunami" back in '08.

| 2 people like this

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What are interracial couples called? Fred and Ethel

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why would a deputy call you? because I'm dating his sister?

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Hey! I didn't order ________! Hooters (R) Chickie Breast sandwich.

| 2 people like this

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You know your life is pitiful when ______________________. when Mister_Bromide seems to be a better Presidental choice than all the Republicans and Democrats candidates combined.

| 4 people like this

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If you avoid ______, your life will improve. xeroxing the naughty parts

| 4 people like this

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What would you do if I stole your wallet? laugh.

| 1 person likes this

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Whats IKR stand for? I kill radishes.

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What is the ink in your pens and printer made of ghost fart dust.

| 2 people like this

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Can you send me a picture of very adorable adult humans?? there is no such thing.

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If a woman asked you if she had big feet and she did what would you say? ...i said yeah bigger than mine....lol anything over size 14 is a deal breaker for me.

| 1 person likes this

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What's the first lie you told today and to whom? I didn't scratch the bumper, the door maybe, but not the bumper.

| 1 person likes this

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Why does my cat lick herself like there's no tomorrow? Maybe she know something you don't, apocalypse cat.

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Whats some cute simple quotes to write on a hand? yes, I am that stupid this side up. caution: may be wet.

| 3 people like this

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Do guys like big butts? If they show on satellite photos, no. fill out a tight pair of jeans, yes.

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If yuh like someone N is scared to tell them what do yuh do.? In your case, just play with your Kinect(r). I would just say, "You, me. Coffee, tonight 4:00pm."

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What's the best place to buy a rug? Bob's House of Rugs

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In Volleyball, when does the other team get the ball??

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In Volleyball, when does the other team get the ball?? when their wives are through with them.

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n nsurnce slsprson erns a salary of 4200 pr mnth pls a cmmissin f 3% f sals. Hw mch mst da slsprson sell 2 hav a mnthly incm f at lest 4500 my fish wears shoes.

| 4 people like this

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What is the funniest prank you've seen done to a drunk person? took their keys away, offered them a couch to sleep on and prevented them from driving drunk.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you hide anything under your bed? What? my Mossberg 500

| 3 people like this

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Why do dogs bark and cats meow? It's their union agreement.

| 3 people like this

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What would you say to someone who was dressed exactly like you? You mean someone else wears adult Grr-Animals.

| 1 person likes this

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Someone kicked me in the face really hard with their shoe today, and I got a scar thing on my face. When will it go away?? :) I don't think your face will go away.

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my best friend has Cancer, leukemia to be exact. How do i react? Like a friend, it's that simple.

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What is your current area code? 666

| 3 people like this

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What Burger King foods have you not tried yet? The Dropper, 3 1/4 lb.burgers, 5 slices of bacon, a slice of cheddar, swiss and provolone cheese, peppers, pickles and crunchy peanut butter.....

| 2 people like this

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why is the canadain dollar feel lighter? Because it is backed by their major export, Beaver Pelts. Now, if you are refering to Canadian money, it's a coin. You loon.

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If a girl is exposing her "tramp stamp" and pretty lacy thong or G-string is it acceptable for a guy to make a favorable comment to her? only if you are not afraid of her refering to the minimal size of your unit.

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What is your response when a black person says that the white man is keeping him down? well, I am believer in your own destiny. so if the "man" is keeping you down it's because A) you are letting him B) you are too stupid to notice C) you like an excuse for your failure D) whatever, could I get my spookburger with extra onions and pickles.

| 3 people like this

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What is the wierdest natural phenomenon you have ever witnessed personally? the birth of the universe

| 7 people like this

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If I raped someone 20 years ago but was never convicted in court, does that make me a rapist? and I hope your PO knows about this crime.

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Was Kim Kardashians marriage a big publicity stunt? DUH. can we say attention whore!!!

| 1 person likes this

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A new study suggests conservatives are far more likely to exhibit antisocial personality traits than liberals. Do you believe it is true? And the study done at Rutgers in the late 80's claimed that most liberals were, to use their terminology, asshats. www.rutgers.edu/phoneyliberalvsconservativestudy.htm

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Do you like the smell of chickens? Only if they bathe and shampoo.

| 3 people like this

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Is it true that it takes 7 years to digest sperm? that is how long it takes to digest bubble gum.

| 1 person likes this

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If I have an old $100 us dollar bill, where can I have them replaced for a new $100 usd bill? you can just go into any bank. or you can send it to me and I'll send you a perfectly new, unused $100 bill. there is a slight Shipping and Handling fee of $17.50. Multiple bills will get the group discount.

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Do you think the cancellation of this long term care program is a bad sign for elderly people? no, there are other providers of long term care. this isn't a government run program.

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I need more time to_______________. watch my pickle float to the bottom.

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What's your favorite form of torture? Justin Bieber

| 6 people like this

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What consequences will there be when I defecate in the Ground Zero site and spread my fresh poo all over the memorial plaques there for fun? wow. what a truly dumb ass thing to ask ! I hope a FDNY member sees what you have done and hoses your silly ass down the drain.

| 1 person likes this

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Would you date a cannibal? only if she liked bbq sauce

| 1 person likes this

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What is the definition of nuclear meltdown? the life of Lindsey Lohan

| 1 person likes this

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Stockmarketwise....are we finally outta the woods and on an upward trajectory or is it still a roller coaster ride? For how long? start buying while the stock is relatively cheap and find out.

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Do insane people have their own cliques? It's called Hollywood.

| 2 people like this

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When did you last practise safe text? ask your mother

| 2 people like this

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My thong can also be used as a _________. 1) sail 2) circus tent 3) the cloth covering for the Hindenburg

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What is the least amount of clothing that a person can legally wear on a beach in Ontario Canada. a mountie uniform for women and tuu tuu for men

| 1 person likes this

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Are you too legit to quit? why yes, I am. Look at the time, it's hammer time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

| 1 person likes this

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Pumpkin Carvin that be the _________? the fighting words for me.

| 1 person likes this

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Are you all out of love? and I am not lost with out you.

| 3 people like this

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What hole are you trying to fill with using Answerbag? my cute but overwhelming butt crack

| 2 people like this

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What would you do when you're about to wake up? "wake up the hooker and tell her good job"?

| 1 person likes this

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I ate all the dried strawberries out of your cereal. You ok with that? those weren't dried strawberries, they were dried kitty nipple scabs

| 3 people like this

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Muslims and Christians agree that ________! McRib sandwichs are evil

| 2 people like this

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What is your favorite color for lingerie? camo

| 1 person likes this

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I am coming to your place in an hour. Are you ready? shotgun loaded, beer on ice, bbq ready, bear traps set.

| 4 people like this

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17 year old male virgin and the skin on my penis head keeps peeling off . what is this and how to stop it ? please help you need to use sunscreen.

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I wanna be your cat. Can I be your cat?! my cat is neutered, missing part of it's left ear and has a gimpy hind right leg. We call her "Lucky". If you fit that description, I have a field full of mice.

| 5 people like this

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PETA is suing SeaWorld for slavery, what do you think? and after that, Freedom for my "Pet Rock".

| 5 people like this

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if i cut my wrist how long will it take me to bleed to death get help, not to kill yourself, but someone to talk to.

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Psssst. Does any one have a secret that they would like to share? I know who shot Lincoln from the grassy knoll.

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What is your favourite latin phrase? pax vobiscum peace be with you.

| 5 people like this

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what will be your epitaph ? okay, I farted.

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What language does the word"caucus"come from? the caucus is a succulent plant that lives in the American Southwest. It is latin in origin.

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When was the last day when nobody posted an incorrect word on AB (e.g. "your" instead of "you're")? Why do they do that anyway? The dumbing of America started in the 70's, so about 41 years ago.

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Have YOU ever given someone the middle finger when YOU were driving? If so, why? because I moved to the right to let her pass. She wasn't the sharpest bulb on the tree.

| 2 people like this

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What breed is my cat???? yep, that is what she is.

| 1 person likes this

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Let's pretend to be materialistic. What thing would you really like for your boyfriend/girlfriend to own? If I could answer about my ex. it would be a soul.

| 2 people like this

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What do you desire in life? 50% reduction in Weylon questions. But they are usually good and thoughtful so I really don't mind.

| 4 people like this

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If you do, why do you care about your exes? my ex is my past, my wife is my future.

| 2 people like this

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Is your kitty purring? kinda hard to hear my cat purring, he's locked in the freezer.

| 2 people like this

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If you give a man a fish he will ___ but if you teach a man to fish he will ___. ____bbq it_____ make fish sticks.

| 1 person likes this

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How long does it take to get rid of fleas? all you need to do is bathe with a good anti-flea soap and your fleas should be gone by morning.

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What is your favorite way to destroy a pumpkin? pardon me, sir. It would probably be the same way I would destroy a Waylon.

| 1 person likes this

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Why are my eyes blue? to watch the sky, the reason my eyes are brown is because I am full of crap

| 5 people like this

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What are some good four letter words? Jake my son, who would have turned 20 in Febuary.

| 2 people like this

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Are there other good sites where I can share wit and chuckle from time to time? join me. I am in the witless protection program.

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If there was another civil war in the US how would the states divide? beer drinkers versus wine drinkers cat lovers versus dog lovers big tippers versus no tipping English speaking versus non English speaking (they speak English in Boston, right?) Surfing states versus non surfing states. States ending in the letter "A" versus those ending with any other letter. Large footed women versus small footed men Paper states versus plastic states. 2 car garage states...

Answer to:
Did Moamar Ghadafi have the worst taste in clothes in the history of the world? no, that would be J Edgar Hoover. He looked terrible in his red silk dress.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you need help putting your skirt on? It's a kilt and no, I don't need any help.

| 4 people like this

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Where can I get a copy of my marriage license in Phoenix, Arizona? the kinkos on Camelback Road after 5pm ask for Bernie.

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What age do I have to get married? for you I would wait until 59 years 3 months and 12 days.

| 1 person likes this

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If I pay you, will you clean my room?! :) napalm, will do it.

| 6 people like this

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What's missing in your workplace? our beer vending machine

| 1 person likes this

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would you mind visiting Grandpa in the nursing home for me? should I use his favorite pillow?

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When I eat ________, I love to cover it in cheese! When I eat cheese, I love to cover it in cheese! and then I cover it with some bacon and then some more cheese. Gives you the Chenney syndrome in a heart beat.

| 1 person likes this

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Have you gotten any requests from people asking to borrow your face for Halloween? look at my avatar and do the math.

| 3 people like this

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Will you meet me in Heaven? sure, at the Starbucks. Next Tuesday

| 1 person likes this

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Do you wanna arm wrestle? and have you cry like a little girlie girl.

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If your in a Long time standing Traffic Jam do you get out of the car to stretch your legs? I am so rich I have some stretch them for me.

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What are some things you like to eat with cereal other than milk? coffee beer 30 weight motor oil ice cream racoon intestines

| 3 people like this

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Does "Occupy Wall Street" sound a bit terroristic to anyone? more idiotic than anything else. Gotta love the call and repeat of the protestors.

| 2 people like this

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Can spiders mate with octopi? sure they can.

| 2 people like this

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Is that my clothes you wearing?! yep, the black garbage bag and clown shoe are yours.

| 3 people like this

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Compare and contrast life and death. life : breath in, breath out death : not so much

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Will the Occupy Wall Street moment turn into a movement? yes, and I'll buy the t-shirt.

| 1 person likes this

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Where can you find the Statue of Liberty? the large statue is in NY harbor, the bottle opener in my junk drawer and my SOL undies in the back of my sock drawer.

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Would the Land of the Free ever incarcerate more people than any other country in the world?. well, the soviet union and china wouldn't incarcerate, they would execute. That would free the prison space for the real bad guys.

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Do you think that some on the AB members are Aliens? by reviewing incoming IP addresses, 2% are known earthly alien IP addresses. Of the remaining 98%, I believe more than 50 % are other world aliens.

| 4 people like this

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Should Bernie Madoff be pardoned and put in charge of The Social Security Administration? this is a joke right. and what is more American stealing from everyone to giving to you.

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How many Bibles are there in your house? one with each gun, so 42.

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When a woman loves a man she...... bakes a cake in the shape of a goat and slaughters it?

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Is working a cash register easy? How hard is it to work in retail? yes and if you can stay upright and not drool, you could most likely get a job in retail.

| 4 people like this

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If a dime falls from an airplane flying overhead, what happens when the dime hits your head? It become worth eight cents.

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Would you answer a ringing phone booth and there is this guy/lady saying they see you and they have a gun what will you do? wow, that could be a movie, wait a second, it is. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183649/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p07lBCfC2q8

| 1 person likes this

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Would $50,000 be enough money to induce you to take a loyal,healthy pet to the vet to be put to sleep? My pet is important to me. But $50 and a cheese sandwich could seal your fate.

| 2 people like this

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I want to know how much it costs to get pregnant? my friend Annie said it was two bottles of beer. About $3.50

| 8 people like this

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Where mah fat hos at? Your mother and sisters are at church

| 1 person likes this

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What in a woman turns you off? 1) Leaves the cover down on the toilet while she uses it. 2) Thinks that Oprah was framed. 3) Smokes a pipe 4) Gives your parents 1/2 price lap dances 5) If more than 70% of her body is covered with tats.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Do you let your dog lick your face after he/she cleans his/her butt? I would rather have my dog lick my face rather than getting kissed by some of the people I've seen.

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I have enough answerbag points already. Can I sell some? I traded mine in and got a new car and boat.

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
My girlfriends friends think I'm on steroids, what do I do? Your little peepee would be a giveaway.

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Is William Shatner a myth? No, he is Canadian.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Is there anything auctioneers will not attempt to sell? Human organs, religious artifacts and used Lady Gaga undies (which could a religious artifact to some.)

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Reach out and ______________ ? squeeze the cheese

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What is the maximum temperature for an office of work? 450 degrees if your office is in hell.

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Your choice, anything you want...what do you want for dinner? turkey sandwich, an iced tea and a dill pickle.

| 2 people like this

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My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year and were 16. Our parents STILL wont allow us in our rooms alone. Should they let us yet? NO, when you learn that it is either we are or we're, then you will be able to be together in your rooms.

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
What is mink oil made from? Rendered minks. Same as Baby oil, takes about 4 babies to make a pint of baby oil.

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Would you let birds groom you if they tried? Why, I'd have to fire my monkey.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
AT&T gave Rick Perry $462,739. If you are an AT&T customer, how do you feel about that? Or don't you care? Well that is just the way it goes. How much did they give to Obama? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URDAPzyZmhg It's called buttering both sides of the bread. It can get sloppy but it's politics.

| 1 person likes this

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What would you want written on your tombstone? If I was going to have a tombstone: "It's dark in here" "I asked for single room" "Michael?" "is there an app for that?

| 1 person likes this

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I want to break the world record for __________________. six finger nose picking

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What are you gonna Fracking do about it? going to offer enemas to politicians, as a way of cleansing their souls.

| 1 person likes this

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Why would it hurt the economy any worse to tax millionares; they are not hiring anybody anyway? Wealth envy, like penis envy, sucks.

| 1 person likes this

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Whatever happened to...my PB & J sammitch?? you are sitting on it.

| 2 people like this

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Is gambling worth it? I heard that gambling is the hardest addiction to break. I lost it all, my $5.00 limit and walked away. When you win the feeling is indescribable, when you lose the idea of just one more time enters your head. So the answer is no, it isn't worth it.

Answer to:
If I went to get more into Science, where should I start? at the Big Bang

| 1 person likes this

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Men: What do you think women complain about the most? why the Mariners can't get a good middle inning relief pitcher, the proper use of a caulking gun and why they can't a comfortable pair of shoes

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When I really need privacy, I retreat to my _____________. workshop of doom.

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How do you find the local atmospheric pressure to calibrate your barometer to? Listen to your NOAA weather radio, call your local TV/radio metrologist and ask, or contact the nearest university school of meterology.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what's a tarot? It is the unit on measure of those would explore spiritual awakening with cards.

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Do leaves change colours where you live? yes, it is the end of the growing season and leaves change, fall and the cycle of renewal begins.....

| 2 people like this

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Do you have any problems that you feel are unfair for you to have? yes, I am wonderfully hansome and that is unfair to those that are not.

| 2 people like this

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Does God ever answer prayers with a NO ? Yes, and someone on AB is pissed they didn't get a pony, a riding mower and a brain

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Where do you think god lives? Bakersfield California. 4th and "D" Street

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What do i do when people keep confusing me for an Asian? Thank them and ask if they are always as stupid as they look.

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You know your lawn needs to be cut when _______ . you can't find the 3 junked cars parked on your front lawn.

| 8 people like this

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Do you think you could be hypnotized? no, but for some reason when someone snaps their fingers I have the urge to do the "chicken dance".

| 2 people like this

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Whats a good comeback when a guy tells you to go make a sandwich? sure and that will be the last you see of me.

| 1 person likes this

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The only doctor within 1000 miles during a major blizzard is a retired mortician. Do you have him deliver your firstborn? why not, a veterinarian would be a better choice.

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What will we find 20,000 leagues under the sea? A better answer to this question than I've given.

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Who wants to guess where the paper origami airplane, to be tossed out of the International Space Station, will land? http://www.pinktentacle.com/2008/01/origami-spaceplane-to-launch-from-space-station/ It will land in Washington state, breaking my windshield and I'll be pissed...

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I had a dream about the Space Station last night. What does it mean? Very little. Last night I dreamt about the Space Station being attacked by Luke Skywalker.

| 1 person likes this

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When you are listening to an Oldies station, what song makes you turn the volume up so you can really hear it? "Stand by me"

| 6 people like this

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What should you NOT put on your resume? 1) the amount of drugs you sold at your last job. 2) the best places to have sex at ACME Corp 3) attachments that include pictures of your "anthony wiener"

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When is it good to procrastinate? alternate Thursdays in August and September

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Do these________________belong to you? goat nipples

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Hold the _______, please. 1) toejam 2) monkey balls 3) cyanide 4) green wire 5) Diff'rent Strokes reruns 6) mustard (gas) 7) Sarah Palin jokes until she is president (really just kidding) 8) Any Kardashian marriage proposal 9) Geoff Peterson references (that is code) 10 ) glass eye, my sister'.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
When should I kill myself? after living to a ripe old age, with a smile on your face, a beer in your hand and big bosomed women counting backwards from 100. (Hopefully that will take a while)

| 6 people like this

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Why are so many not-black people STEALING black culture? so much anger, so little brain power. Sit down, have a cold drink and chill.

| 8 people like this

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Do you feel like something is holding you back? no, the only limiting factor is me.

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I'm a teen & selling drugs is the only way for me to make money. What will you say to convince me NOT to sell drugs? get a white tee shirt, put a red bull's eye on it and wear it.

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Is being called white instead of caucasion rasist? Race means nothing. we all have the same God. Get over the race thing and live your life.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Has your weather changed to Autumn yet? (Sept 3, 2011) we are still waiting for summer to start

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
When someone tells a joke and its really NOT funny,how do you react? 1) you slap the back of theie head with a magazine 2) you spin them aroud and give them a wedgie 3) start up your chain saw and remove a limb 4) measure their head for a cement skullcap 5) tell them to send it to Letterman.

| 3 people like this

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Do you think Weylon_M would give me his dog for 1000.00 there is no price for that special bond. but 5 cases of Shiner's Bock might be a little tempting.

| 4 people like this

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What " 3 WORDS " would make my day ? need a beer?

| 2 people like this

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If you had the opportunity to pee in my beer would you? It wasn't funny when Sister Mary Margaret did it to you and it wouldn't be funny when I did to you...

| 1 person likes this

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What tools did ancient humans use to create their 1.76 million year old hand axes? another stone

| 2 people like this

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Have you ever been told: 'You think too much'? my mother once commented if I could only use that power for the good of humanity.

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u r a fan of the hero of d show ur moderating.u see that some ppl r making topics against the actor.Mention steps taken in this situation??? what the heck are you asking? I would say 1)yes, 2)cheese, 3)monkeys 4) if the condition continues for more than 6 hours seek medical attention.

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Answer to:
Can an officer make an arrest&then release you? only if they have a wet monkey

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How does it feel to realize that you will in all likelihood pay more in taxes this year than billionaires Bill Gates or Warren Buffett? The Gates and Buffett foundations have given more money than they would have in income tax. Remember the tax is on income not investments. When Gates was with Microsoft his salary was under $250000. I have no problem with corporate presidents that get huge salaries being taxed. I believe that you would want to defer as much taxes as the rich do if you were as wealthy. Fair taxation...

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What are some quick investment strategies to turn $50k into a million in a reasonable time frame? other than gambling and other high risk ventures, there is no reasonable way to turn 50K into a million. I would suggest that you get out of debt (personal) first then move on to buying into a business. There is a great finanicial program on the radio, the Dave Ramsey show. go to his website. www.daveramsey.com

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A US football player just signed a $120,000,000.00 contract. This at a time when we are in recssion. Isn't it time to stop this greed?" you hold the power to stop it. Don't go to the games and convince others to stop also.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
If my boyfriend and I were in a slasher film, how would we be killed off? you will fall (be pushed) into a meat grinder and then eaten as 1242 White Castle sliders in Indiana. Your boyfriend will choke on a fishbone, fall into a commercial cement mixer and become part of I-90 through the Chicago area.

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Tattoo on upper arm? the Statue of Liberty giving you the finger.

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What's the most tasty thing you've ever put in your mouth? bacon wrapped in bacon

| 1 person likes this

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Moving to Hoover Alabama what can I expect A place named Hoover should suck.

| 1 person likes this

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Forgot mail and went outside late at night and a Coyote was out there. How scared should i be? 1) was the coyote getting it's mail too? 2) do you look like a 120 pound pork chop? 3) next time wait until morning to get your mail 4) you still get "snail mail"?

Answer to:
Sometimes I get a "lane drifter" who cuts in front of me without signaling. Do they think they own the road? They pay no attention. Why? run them into a ditch if they do that,

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What's the best way to save those mislead Muslim souls in the Middle East? Sell them time shares in New Jersey

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what is a good asian hair style for guys? the Asian version of an "Fro". An Asia-Fro. You could rock it 70's style.

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What's the most complicated thing bout life in your opinion? which pair of white socks to wear.

| 2 people like this

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Have you ever eaten a tomatoe like you would an apple? You mean on a stick, dipped in caramel sauce and covered with rainbow sprinkles....

| 4 people like this

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Beauty is ______________ ? over rated" Just look at any of the Kardashians.....

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are you going to come quietly or_________________________________? ... are those beans going to do the tallking for you.

| 1 person likes this

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How many of you have a facebook account and do you use it alot? visit me at my "Gourmet Cheese in a Can" Facebook page. Like it and you can win a case of gourmet cheese in a can.

| 1 person likes this

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Your taking a walk to experience the Pre Hurricane storms that you have never been part of would you take your pet with? My hamster is an indoor pet. although our vacation last year to the Virgin Island was a success, Little Sammy got a nice tan and was the envy of his "Habitrail" last winter.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are we having for supper, tonight? the entire meal served as food on a stick. Soup Salad Steak Baked potato and ice cream

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is similar to nothing? The Westboro Baptist people.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Favourite fictional couple? The Flash and Turlle Woman.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How do you know if someone really loves you?? They don't want to smother you with a pillow while you sleep,

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
I would like to______________for the rest of my life. ....sparkle....

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
When will Justin Bieber go away? probably never. I just hope that in 40 years there won't be a question of which stamp to issue in his "honor", the fat Bieber or the skinny Bieber. And when he loses that hair will the girls love a pattern baldness Bieber.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why can't guys learn to pee sitting down, and end the toilet-seat wars? and will you kill your own spiders?

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Why is poverty such a widespread condition? define poverty. and where?

| 1 person likes this

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Was Jesus a typical teenager? Or was He preaching by the time he turned 13? I am just waiting to see the Infomercial "Jesus used Pro-Activ"

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How to become captain of the cheerleading team ? have you tried bribery?

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I can't keep remembering your name,so can I just call you "sparkles"? that is my nickanme, so, yes you can..

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Should Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens face execution by firing squad for desecrating our National Pastime? they should have their balls taken away.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
How to get higher cheerleading jumps ? get a kangaroo blood transfusion

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Gov.Christie thanks President Obama for issuing a federal emergency for the state of New Jersey and making federal funds available. Amazed? Obama and Chrisite both wants to head off another Katrina.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Whats the most embarrasing situation you have ever been caught in ? I forgot to remove the tape on the door lock at the Watergate. Oopsie

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I get really homesick every time I go for a sleepover. How do I get over it? if you are 14 and under it will change. If you are in your 20's seek professional help.

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okay im serious, why are we all wasting time on this site??????? i get free cans of gourmet cheese in a can and cases of certain beers if I mention it here.

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
Are STDs real? yes they are real. and the elderly the largest number at rissk...

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What goes well with misery? a grey reisling

| 2 people like this

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Which word with abstract meaning is almost the same in all human written languages (dead or not)? mama,

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What did scientist Glenn Seaborg discover about the atom? that it tastes better wrapped in bacon and dipped in cheese sauce

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Where can I get coloring books for the blind? "Between the Line" 1842 Clement St, San Francisco, 415-201-5699

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Will hurricane Irene wipe out the entire East Coast? I hope so, the damned earthquake didn't. (PS just a joke you easties)

| 3 people like this

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I love the smell of ______. napalm in the morning http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBksHaTQCbU&feature=player_detailpage

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
I'm giving away FREE cars. Who wants a new one ? no thanks, I want one that hasn't been sitting in a junkyard for 30 years.

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
How do people come up with story plots? I could help but you would have to give 50% writting credit, 70% of the net movie sales and 66 1/3% of the mechandizing revenue. And my own parking spot and pony.

Answer to:
How could a militant communist turn into a good capitalist? The power of green backs

| 1 person likes this

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I stopped going to church. Does it matter? Yes, you can't win at bingo if you don't play.

| 2 people like this

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In what way do atheists want God to reveal or prove of His existence? It is important to know that God knows that atheists exist. And remember there maybe no atheists in foxholes but there are plenty of atheists in chat rooms.

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What's your shoe size? If you believe that the size of a man's shoe reflects the size of his ego, I am a size11 D.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
I see ghost smell them and sense them Am I crazy??? If you see them, get your eyes checked. If you smell them, get an air freshener. If you sense them, see a medium. Otherwise either watch "Ghostbusters" or "Ghost" for ways of dealing with them.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Just curious: Why are some African Americans dying their hair blonde? wow, what a question to ask. Do you have issues or what?

| 2 people like this

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Life is incomplete without ________________ ? cheese in a can

| 2 people like this

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Can you prove you're psychic? yes, and that isn't a birthmark.

| 1 person likes this

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Does anyone have an idea for a cartoon drawing? hip microbes

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are some more adult names for 'boyfriend'? wallet ATM moneybags sugar daddy near death buddy

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How to make some new friends? try cloning your only friend...

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What would make you lose trust in someone? finding your spouse in bed with 5 guys, 3 girls, a parrot and a shetland pony

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
What if the United States took over The United Kingdom? sure, I almost bought it last week for 750 euros.

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In your opinion which country/city/county..produces the "BEST WINE" ? Austin, TX

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How likely is it that secret agents working for the government are monitoring our conversations on MSN instant messaging? likely, it happens all the time. they even know what PIRAN

Answer to:
Which TV show gets your vote for being the "TACKIEST"? NBC Nightly news.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What are you wearing (from head to toe)? plaid ball cap, ear muffs, welder's google, mouth guard, XS red polo shirt, light green wool sweater, cordaroy pants and suspenders.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
my bank has been paying my property tax for 14 years, now all of a sudden I get a letter saying my house is going up for sale in 14 days get a lawyer, look at you documents from the bank, check if the amount you paid was PITI (principal, interest, taxes and insurance) if the amount included property tax and you didn't miss a payment the bank has held your money and stole your house. Talk to a lawyer now.

Answer to:
What should you NOT put in a condolence card? your phone number and a note that says call me.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Women: How to know that women like me? you will know

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What should your partner bring to the relationship? 1) beer (plenty of it) 2) pizza 3) more beer 4) love 5) more love 6) more, more love and lastly, more beer.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Ladies & Gentleman! Lets get ready to ______________! micturate.

Answer to:
What does element-99 and walrus have in common? They are both your nicknames?

| 2 people like this

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It will cost $____ to ___________________ It will cost you nothing to be nice to your pet hamster

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
A woman's place is_____________________________? on the floor (of the stock exchange)

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
There is no stronger will than the will to __________. eat a bagel with cream cheese and a slice of red onion.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are the best horror movies on hulu.com? "Titianic" and "The Sound of Music"

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What I need now is a good _____. chocolate donut wrapped in bacon.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What will happens if I go to Area 51? Learn the secret handshake and secret knock and you will get in..

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Have you ever sit down on the toliet and read the newspaper in the bathroom? a friend of mine read A through F in the World Book Encyclopedia while going to the bathroom.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Have you ever danced while taking a shower? You should have this question in the adult section.

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Would you let your 12 year old daughter get her nose pierced? William Tell style of course

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who is Lord? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w Book 'em, Dano

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What do 12 year old boys think about? (I have a 12 year old daughter) I thought about 22 year old women. They had drivers licenses, ability to buy beer and money of their own.

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What is it about your religion that you dont accept? no human sacrifice after 10 pm.

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When I'm taking a shower can I pee on myself? we know that you won't limit it to the shower. But please not in the checkout line at the Bank or during confession.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What's next for our space program at Nasa? The "No return to the moon Slam" at Denny's

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are you hiding in that closet? An honest Republican and smart Democrat, or maybe several cans of gourmet cheese spread, it's hard to tell by the smell.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Among the things that money cant buy is___________________________? spell check on AB.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How often do you buy things you do not need? I bought a 250 lbs. Hershey kiss. Nice but I didn't really need it.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
I see a red door and ____________________________ and question the color choice on a lime green house.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Did the FCC change it's regulations on radio? and now there are radio program done totally in the nude.

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Do you ever listen to the radio? yes, and some of the time I turn it on.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is the gas price where you are at? 2.93 cents per ounce.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Would you go on a mission to Mars if you knew it was a one way trip? Yes, as long as they send enough M & M's alone.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the biggest celestial body in volume discovered so far? Oprah?

Answer to:
What do you think Meatloaf won't do for love? Feeding the goldfish.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Why we can't enter Area 51? Because you must be this tall to enter and you are just too short.

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If Area51 is just a public decoy to throw people off some establishment even more secretive, What is the bigger secret? Look for area 52. Need we say more.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Whats the worse thing on a t shirt you own Blood, mine.

Answer to:
Good morning everyone.........lets pray for peace and happiness in the world? are there any donuts?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I'm starting to perhaps believe, that there's a possibility that I might be weak minded. and you just noticed?

Answer to:
Whats inside your stomach? 4 pounds of gravel, a shovel, 16 hummingbirds, a pound of vacuum packed bologna and a Timex Iron Man watch.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Women absolutely belong in the kitchen. Understood? And when did you go crazy?

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What did Charles Darwin discover at Tenerife? a great chili place on the road called playa del mucho gordo de manteca porcina

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Do you ride a horse? no, but I've carpooled with one.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are goth and emo guys affectionate? in the same way that hippos make good lap dancers.

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I am fifteen with the mind of a well seasoned, educated young woman. This can be both beneficial and problem generating... Any suggestions? you can never be smart enoough and mature enough. write yourself a letter now, and read it 10 years from now. what you think is mature and well seasoned is just bravado.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
which are better angels or demons Angels have better tailors.

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Do you like loneliness? as much as I like dental abcesses.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Wanna come in for a night cap? Sure, but if you have to sell hats to make spending money, maybe you should try home locksmithing.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
If we are created upon the image of God, why are we not invisible? and why would you care?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What gets your goat? the riding lawn mower, it leaves such a big mess. And you have to get the blades sharpened again.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
I confess! I'm having an affair with Josh! sorry, go get a shot of Penicillin, now.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you have a dog bed for your dog? no, he sleeps with me and my wife.

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My ________ is broken/busted! flankernator

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I want more _________________ canned cheese

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What do you perceive as the problem(s) with religion? 10) when you can't get a decent cheese burger in the lobby 9) no valet parking for the 6:00 am service 8) too many closet atheists praying to the Goddess Kuric 7) you can't buy a "Pope" anymore 6) Jimmy Swaggert 5) The coming attractions suck. 4) No lap dance policy at Friday night bingo 3) Rosary beads make lousy fashion accessories 2) the ban on premarital mastication 1) The Bible would...

| 9 people like this

Answer to:
I like it in the city when _________________________ Mothra is back in town.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Everybody must get stoned? I would not feel so alone..... Everybody must get stoned! RIP

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
i drank a cup of ______ this morning :) gator broth.

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If you could snap your fingers and magically every illegal alien would be gone from the entire USA what do imagine would happen the next day? Some would wonder where the President went.

Answer to:
Cup ________. o' noodle cake size

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
I don't see _________________ any point in lap dancing to put myself through medical school

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Can you swim with Tennis shoes? sure, it's the sharks you have to look out for.

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What time you wake up? whenever the rooster crows!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who was the Rosetta Stone made by in Egypt? the Rosetta Stone Company of East Milford, CT, all rights reserved.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Can you buy me one ticket? sure, a bus ride to Hell.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What race are you more attracted to and which race would you marry? wait, people come in different colors and races? Why didn't I get the memo? I guess my beautiful intelligent wife will just do for 32 more years.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Do aliens smoke marijuana? No, they just grow it for sale in the US.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Where can I find a sensory deprivation facility? Run for Congress, they are out of touch with reality

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Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't ______________! [poop in the punchbowl

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
How long do people usually date before they get married? until the lab work is back, the credit and police record check is made, after the name is checked against the Homeland Security No-Fly list.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What would make for a bad wedding gift? giving the wedding couple sets of your used undies.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What depresses you about religion? the lack of free wifi during the service, and no subtitles.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Why do fist fights always seem to end up with the two combatants wrestling on the ground? It is strange foreplay. Given enough time they would be ......

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you hate America? I hate it and everything about it! Although I'm American.. You have the right to hate this country, and everything about it. You have the right to leave. As a matter of fact I'll pay for your bus ticket to Mexico.

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
Can you give it two me ten times? sure. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iHDy95NPhc

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
How far does regular mail travel in one day? if you exclude my mail man, skippy, not his real name but suggests his mail delivering ability. In his case from the truck to the curb and into the inncorrect NBU (neighborhood box unit) is a daunting task and we often get mail delivered to our neighbors. So in his case it would be from any where around the world to the back of his mail truck to be delivered at his leisure and after a few...

Answer to:
My friend stole things out of multiple cars and he is in juvie how long would he be in there for if its his first offence? he is 17. life

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Darn! The _____ doesn’t work. my exploding bagpipe,

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What does a man seek from a woman? advice on carpets and drapes, like a gay male friend with boobs?

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Which of these girls are the hotter one out of the ones here? the redhead.

| 2 people like this

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Can you please hold this for me?? not without the proper PPEs.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Which picture have you found the most crazy but amazing ? the picture of the empty beer pitcher.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What do you think about crop circles ? man made. if it were intelligent life it would be in a binary code 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101001 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01100011 01110010 01101111 01110000 00100000 01100011 01101001 01110010 01100011 01101100 01100101 01110011 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011...

Answer to:
Is it ethical to breed seedless grapes? sure, but it is as much fun as herding cats or trying to teach goldfish to hang glide.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
science help sodium chloride makes things salty.

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How can I be sure that I’m getting sound medical advice? if it involves leaches it is probaqbly good and sound advice.

Answer to:
hurt in a car ? .... keep fingers out of cigarette lighter.

| 1 person likes this

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Will I get paid for fostering children? but that isn't the reason you foster them.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
how far can a woman squirt and how? if she has a super soaker, up to 30 feet.

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Did I accidentally ____________? If so I am sorry about that! answered your question

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you know whats this song called? "belly button blues"

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Im organising my bestfriends hen party which is abroad. I want to plan lots of cute things. Any suggestions? Sentimental and fun inviting more than abroad to the "hen party" would be a start. and remember what happens in the Gobi desert stays in the Gobi desert. Camel races, camel spitting contests, a "Titianic" movie marathon (Titianic II premeires next April)

Answer to:
How does the UK compare to the rest of Europe? there are no native banana plants in the UK.

Answer to:
If I could only___________ whistle like a man on fire.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
POW! Right in the __________! sea lion.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What does a precinct captain do? eat a lot of chocolate donuts and drink gallons of coffee.

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It's so hot that _______. ... that people are resorting to "It's so hot fill in the _______" questions.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
It's so hot that _______. Laverne melted into Shirley.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
My favourite ville is ________ville Bob Ville. Love him in "This old house"

| 7 people like this

Answer to:
If things don't change soon I am going to_____________. light my farts, bounce off the International Space Station, knock a North Korean satellite from orbits and return to earth, go to the nearest Krispy Kreme, buy 2 chocalate donuts and cup of coffee and then call it a day.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Have you take care of your computer? it are working fine, when it dont I trow it at the wall.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is Cuba a dictatorship? go to south Florida and ask that question. If you can't, the answer is yes.

Answer to:
What is one word that describes "Ryan Seacrest"? Out

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Can you name someone who has gotten away with murder? OJ simpson

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What do you think of "coning"? (Search youtube if you don't know) just like the gorning phase/fad of the 80's.

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Why do black people have BET,black history month, etc? Idiots (go look in the mirror) have the other 10 months of the year, MSNBC and vanilla ice. Stop complaining and learn get along.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What should i do over summer break? =) It's 2/3rds over. Try again next year.

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Are thongs/bikinis a big no no for a bigger girl to wear ? should I just stick to the bigger "granny panties" Undies are like postage. The larger the package, the larger than postage needs to be. And if you need to be sent by a cargo container....

Answer to:
Why does Fox "News" get away with lying to you? If it were only Fox News. MSNBC will never say anyting critical about GE. ABC will never say anything about Disney, etc. PBS will always have a liberal bent. They will all lie to you. It is what they do. You pick on Fox. Your conservative neighbors who live next door pick on CNN. It is like looking for the honest politician, they all have some they are beholden to. Watch all news...

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Was it wrong for my golf club to ban me for attempting a `money shot` at the 19th hole? sure, why not. Dude, that was my grandmother and she was 96 years old out with the "girls" and you had to pull the "money shot" act with her. Her comment was "they are making those things smaller these days".

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you think you are cooler than me? you didn't have to ask. You know I am.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What would you do if inarguable proof revealed you are the Antichrist? get the Merchandising rights for everything and make a killing.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
There was an add on Craig's List for "A slightly used Flux Capacitor" Should I buy it just to see what they send me? you are going to get fluxxed on this deal.

Answer to:
I accidentally raped my daughter. How should I apologize? a .45 to the temple (yours) and a 8 lb. pull on the trigger.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
How do I get more people to follow me home? wear a coat made of sirloin or carrots if you are a veggie head.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the number 1 characteristic (physical, personality, etc.) you look for in a potential significant other? breathing!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
ALL americans hate Israel and the israelis because of the jewish lobby that is the worst case of over generalization I've seen in a while. Everyone thinks that.

| 6 people like this

Answer to:
In your opinion, how long after getting married should the average couple wait before trying to get pregnant? wait until the children move out before having them.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are the benefits of space "exploration" and research? Besides Tang. teflon, micro circuits, cell phones, low gravity medicine

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
It only takes two minutes to.............? open a can of whoopass.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Where were you on the evening of July 12, 2011 between 6 and 8 p.m.? i went dancing with wolves, hunted for red october, looked out my rear window and booked a cruise on the titianic.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How can i get rid of the athletes foot? amputation?

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2012 December 21? And ... ? Mayan Day Runners (r) Hoax, fraud or chicken flinging contest.

Answer to:
Can you teach an ant not to eat bagels? you could, but it would be easier to teach a pig to fly.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
The strangest thing you left as a tip? My appendix in a jar of preservative. It was an accident and I did want it back, but it became the special of the day the following day.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
how do i dump my boyfriend 1) find a hazardous waste site that will take him. 2) tell him "free hot wings and beer" 3) leave his sorry ass there. 4) repeat as often as necessary

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
.....why do people commit incest??? It's all relative.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Isn't it naturally wrong to wear clothes? Two words: Rosie O'Donnell

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I like to wear my wife`s panties and lingerie when shes out, can I surprise her and appear in front of her wearing her panty ? sure, but have your lawyer on speed dial. she is a size 4, and you are size 12. Male muffin tops just aren't sexy.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
How does pet insurance work? sure, so if your dog is driving down the street he has liablity insurance, works for me.

Answer to:
Dog scared of fireworks Serious answer "Thunder shirt" www.thundershirt.com not so serious answer, move to the middle of nowhere and stay with you dog.

Answer to:
who is prettier, danielle panabaker or kay panabaker? The one with the Esteban tatoo on her ankle.

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Do you like to have laws every where? laws are codified moral codes. Moral codes protect, not restrict. I use the term moral codes in it's broadest term. don't steal, kill, covet thy neighbors goat (no matter how cute)

Answer to:
I have a crane in my house. What strange thing do you have in your house? 5 Flamingoes and a life size Bob Barker statue.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Have you ever looked at an abandoned store and thought, "How could this happen?"? I thought the "Everything Chariot" store would've stayed in business.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How would you feel if Rosie O'Donnell waddled up to you and said with no emotion or enthusiasm that she wanted you to do her? Again!!!!

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
When I shop I love to buy _____________ socks for my goldfish.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I won't answer _________________ . questions about monkey pants.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
There are gold mines in Africa from hundreds of thousands of years ago. Why would cave men mine gold? (Google ancient mines Africa) Because cavemen like to give cavewomen bling.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you gesticulate when you talk? yes, so does everyone in my family. lots of hands in motion.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Which Google+ features are you impressed by? google life form. google scans the internet, creates a digital picture of you and then the life form takes over for you. Kinda like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" without the eugenic overtones

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
My butt is ______________ .... in another time zone.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What physical characteristics make a man attractive to gay men. a bland sameness that pervades. short hair, a hairy chest and a bottle of Viagra

Answer to:
Do you think Heaven resembles planet Earth? sure, why not?

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They say everyone has a price, so what would it take to make you do something that can only be described as evil? (Examples:killing 50 people, torture, ect ect) record my singing in the shower and then down loading to I-tunes and Zune.

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How can I connect unify karaoke player with my laptop? What should I need? first, get a life dude. second, you will need a chain saw, gorilla glue and a capuchin monkey. third, this almost qualifies as spam. fourth, are you kidding?

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Do animals like music? My friend has a cow that likes Hip-Hop. My dog likes Sinatra. And the neighbor's cat likes Opera (any thing from Verdi)

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Why did god create hurricanes? to clean out the trash in Florida.

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How do you get a talking cat to shut up? take away it's smart phone and close it's twitter account.

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If society is so god awful why don't we just end it... okay, you go first.....

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What does 420 in personal ads mean? that is their BMI (body mass index) meaning a whole lotta stuffing on those bones

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Am I tomboy or what? you are a human, what you wear and what colors yor like mean nothing. Celebrate your uniqueness.

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What would you do for $19.95? trim your bush or mow your lawn.

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Who may remind you of the Devil? Sally Fields

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How have the Internet and computers changed education? According to Wikipedia we are better for all the information we have at hand. But it makes most people mindless lemmings.

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What makes a Subaru a Subaru? The Subaru brand sticker.

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Is it rude wear flats to a wedding? as a hat, yes.

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What's it like to be in jail? It's like living in New Jersey; except living in New Jersey there is no chance of an early parole.

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Would you get mad if I skipped your funeral for a concert that you would have liked to see? only if it was the Grateful Dead.

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Take all of your clothes off! Is this a pole question?

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What's your favorite thing about Americans? Most are tasty deep fried.

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Generally, weather systems in Canada most often move from: a) east to west b) north to south c) west to east d) south to north Vancouver to Toronto

| 1 person likes this

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What would you get a girl who loves Justin Bieber for her birthday? a woolen blanket, with Justin Bieber on it.

| 2 people like this

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Worst food to vomit? dog shit: you know about my first wife and her cooking.

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Can cats see ghosts? Only if they are covered in catnip.

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What color are your eyes? Mocha brown

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What is the kingdom of God? BibleLand at Disney Land...

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In God We Trust, since we're over Mcarthy's witch hunt, can we change the national motto to something more all-inclusive? Pass me another beer dude. And a little work on sentence structure.

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What does crying taste like? French Onion soup and Angel Wing toast

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Do the dead tell no lies? No, all they do is lie!!!!

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Where is the Hubble telescope today? On vacation in Bakersfield, CA.

| 2 people like this

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Atheists--How you proove that u r an Atheist? They misspell 5 words in a simple sentence.

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is the goverment trying to kill us off slowly yes, check off fast death on next tax form for speedier results.

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julian assange, villlan or hero? Tool of the liberal right wing

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Which foods are okay to eat with your hands? Waffles

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Palin is an idiot....agree or disagree? No, but idiots like you will get her elected. a) because rep's will feel sorry for her. b) keeping her name in the public eye. She will go away under her own weight.

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What are the names of some evil women rulers? Edna D

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Ever lost a good friend over something stupid on your part? best friend, for actually making something of myself. sorry Tom, being a life time stoner wasn't for me.

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Can you touch your ears with your elbows? I can, but only after a few beers.

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One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. One what? yes...

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Are you coming over today? the last time you had us paint your house...

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Why don't chicken's have lips? because they have no need for lipstick.

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How many bees are in a swarm? Local charity farm sale is selling a swarm of bees and no one can tell me how many it consists of. 2 dozen less than a plague of bees.

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What made you believe in God? an atheist friend named Jamie.

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Are you awake yet? I answer these questions in my sleep

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Is God a little touched in the head (if you know what I mean)? only if you are a little to notice it.

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Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze 'em!"? it worked for him and his wife.

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How fast can you type? Can you type without looking at the keyboard? Do you use all of your fingers? yes, do you?

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What Breakfast should I make for God on Father's day? I suggest sacrifical lamb chops.

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Is it safe to eat mushrooms, which were in the freezer for two years? button mushrooms do not turn into deathcap mushrooms. they may not taste good but won't kill you.

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Is there a website where I can make money? yes, you can buy a home printing kit from the US Treasury. Make all the money you want.

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I have "Dude looks like a Lady" stuck in my head. What song is stuck in yours??? this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxvlKp-76io

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What is your source of The Truth? My inner soul

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Who was your very first celebrity crush? Shari Lewis, the best friend and mentor of Lamb Chop

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If you had to be a radical activist..What would you be a radical activist about? Naps, nap taking, and nap related safety.

| 1 person likes this

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Can you suggest me any movies that show handsome young men while committing suicide? Titianic

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Theists: when is the best time to pray? during a hockey game when yor team is down 4 in the 3 period.

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Atheists-how do you handle sins? one at a time, with a beer chaser

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what's the best policy? fluffy towels

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When is it apt to be a coward? when an alligator has one leg, a shark the other, a lion has your left arm and a drunk baboon has the other. and your ex-wife's lawyer has your wallet and she's got your balls.

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Why is my advisor at the job centre a bitch? stop acting like she owes you anything, she has to deal with 100's of people like you. be pleasant and expect good things in return.

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What is suitable to wear on a date? I am female, slim build and 20 years old. body armour, kevlar vest and a racoon cap.

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What kind of cellphone do you have? a rotary nail cell phone

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What does the words "Getting Nailed" make you think of? ouch

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Do ear candles work or are they hokum? don't see you getting much light from them. ear wax candle would also stink.

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Does this make me a Pedophile? yep, and the fbi has you targeted. you have a trail to your computer via your isp. change your isp, never use the internet again, go to confession, destroy your computer and go to porn rehab.

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Simple Question...Who has a pet cat? I have an app for that.

| 1 person likes this

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Would you give me money? had the check written, but you didn't say Asthmatic hookers and boxed wine. sorry, no can do.

| 1 person likes this

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So Anthony Weiner is gonna step down today. The guys are getting all the press. Where are the gals? No lusty wenches among 'em? Finally, will he drive away in this?

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If your dog spoke English would you spend less time with your other friends? My dog does speak english, smarter and empathic than most of my friends, sorry about that Bob.

| 1 person likes this

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What do you think is the worst occupation to have? Trump feral hair piece wrangler.

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What's one thing you'd never hear God say? sorry about the platypus! and that creature on trump's head.

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lol Don't look at the related questions or Google the answers to the riddles anymore! XD That's my job when I search for/make these up! there is an old Arizonian proverb " If a polecat sits on your face, you may have a bad day". In other words, don't piss off the unhappy monkey.

Answer to:
How do I reset a Taylor scale? with a Burton wrench

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In the 10 commandments - Thou shall not commit adultry! How would you explain this one to your 7 yrs old who is preparing for communion? I didn't commit adultry until I was 10.

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Answer to:
ikkada evarikaina telugu vacha?? oma perset tuleb kohutavalt kaotada peita kuuse puu seal üleval

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They tried to make me go to ___________ but I said No, No, No! walmart

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Birds do it but rarely on the inside. tweet to other birds

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how do i tell if my dog has gas check the fuel gauge.

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Do you know how to microwave a tv dinner? yep, cook my hamsters on a stick all the time

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Does life ever seem to have a "domino effect"? and a papa john's effect also.

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How many times per year do you bathe/shower? average of once a month times the cost of soap and water plus evil looks = 350 timex

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Answer to:
would you prefer to take a S**T on a train or a plane rather go in to do, rather than on to do.

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You and I wake up in a police car together. Using Four words only, what would you say to me? Using only four words is harder than you think no more Adam 12

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Hey,Im old enought to_________________________got it? change my own diaper and fling it at the wall,

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I am 116 lbs and 5 feet 3 inches how much wieght should i loose? 20 lbs? 10 lbs? 5 lbs? you are right on for your height (5'3" small frame-111-124 medium frame 121-135 large frame 131-147 This is from http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm talk to a doctor, see a Dietitian, don't listen to friends or get your body image message from magazines.

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Answer to:
Have you ever caught a gremlin doing mischief in your home? does it count having a neighbor who drives a Gremlin and does mischievous stuff on my front lawn.?? Otherwise no.

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Answer to:
Is animal testing good or bad? It is cruel, most animals can't hold the pencil without a thumb. So they always test poorly.

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I ate an Oreo cookie middle first am I pregnant ? yes, and first in line for the rapture. Please empty your bank accounts and send the money to be care of: Cheatyou Enterprises, 14 Haux Blvd, Fondue Fork, Montana 89113

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How long can you drive with the gas light on in a 2000 Mitsubishi Diamante? until it runs out of gas, leaving you stranded on a dark highway, on a wet rainy night, near a zombie farm and an criminally insane ayslum.

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If you met Ashton Kutcher would you take a baseball bat to his face and be all like "yeah, what, who's Demi Moore's boytoy now, huh"? no, but I would super glue his hand to his forehead.

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Answer to:
??what if god was one of us?? he would be at Krispy Kreme buying donuts for us all.

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can i lighten my hair with house bleach? and you can whitten you teeth, cleanse your colon and deworm the cat.

Answer to:
You know your eating to little when_______________ when a homeless man buys you a sandwich

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Answer to:
Why should I support "Freedom of Speech" for the Black Panthers, KKK, Westboro Baptist Church, Nambla and Al Quada? for the same reason I support your asking this question. Can't take that right.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Period Is Late, Again are you very athletic? what is your body fat % ? The female body will have erratic periods if the body fat levels drop to low. See a doctor about the period, but if you aren't sexually active it's kinda hard to be pregnant.

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Has Weiner been outed after not being frank enough over lewd photos of himself sent over the internet? Just goes to show you that politicians can't keep their weiners in their buns.

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How likely is it that I could make a living off of being a stand up comedian? you are more likely to become pope.

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What percentage of my income taxes are spent on defense? About $275 and the gate will be an extra $75.

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Is Satan flying around in UFOs trying to test people's faith? It's government that has the UFO's. distracts you from the real problems.

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In watching the film "The Blair Witch Project"; fact or fiction? fiction, and it was from the first frame.

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i have a 1997 escort. the reverse wont work. what is the problem? the transmission was haunted by a wiccan mechanic

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Is slowing down and stopping for Fire trucks/ambulance/police cars a law or common courtesy? this is one of those questions where I would ask are you kidding.

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The throwing of females underwear in your yard. So why do they do that for? The smell keeps most rodents, hornets and snails out of your yard.

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Does birth control lose its efficiency? yes.

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Do you know how many times you have made me smile? 4305 times.

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Is it OK to get pregnant on a first date? why not, best to get screwed for the rest of your life as fast as you can. Good luck to you, hope you like trailer parks, bad teeth and a meth lab next door.

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Answer to:
What's the quote by which you live by? what the hell, if it's free, take 2.

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Muslims, Christians, Jews...you all love and serve the same God, so why argue? It's over the toppings on the pizza.

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What do Debbie Harry, Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Madonna all have in common? they all dated Hugh Hefner, and by dating, I mean they have changed his Depends.

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Answer to:
Who, besides Jesus, have risen form the dead? Poppin Fresh, the rising was due to a yeast infection.

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what ever happened to john jacob jingleheimer schmidt? In witness protection.

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What should I do to keep from getting bored during a 9 hour car ride? Suspended animation.

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Is there a Canadian Peace Corps? They help the poor in Beverly Hills.

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Are you ready for this or are you just going to stick with that? Okay Congressman Weiner, we have had enough of your twitter photo, and now you are bringing it to AB. Put your pants back on and get us out of this depression.

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I have a itchy spot in the middle of my right foot with no other signs or symptoms. It just itches in one pinpoint spot. No redness, blisters, or swelling. It almost feels like the itch is under my skin. Causes? worms.

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Who said you can't judge a book by its cover? Guttenberg?

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Do you anthropomorphize your pets? always, when they let me use their computer.

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FL millionaire 50driving/drug offenses kills 2 people, leaves the scene. Pays the victims families no jail time. What do you think of this? I thought you were talking about OJ.

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How do you refuse to treat and/or raise your children? my mother said that she refused to sell us into child slavery because she couldn't get the right price. In my case, My son was treated with love, respect and became a wonderful young man. He would be 21 this year if he wasn't killed by a drunk driver. Be honest, be loving, be there for them and remind them that whatever they are going through you probably went through the same thing. No lies.

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I have a sentry 1250 safe and i know the combination but i cant get it open. i think im doing everything right but i can not get the handle to turn. helppp. you will need a stethoscope, 4 lbs of C-4, a cheese pizza and a friend named Otto. Request Your Combination by Mail If you need your combination, and did not previously Register Your Combination on our Web site, you may get a copy from our office. To request your combination by mail, please send the following: A written statement of ownership witnessed and signed by a notary public (must...

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Why do liberals uphold the phrase: "If it makes me feel good, do it!"? because they can tax the hell out of it.

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HEY, this dip tastes funny what did you do? Culinary lol it is amazing what you will find in the back of your refrigerator. I just scrapped of the hairy mold, and bam, it's ready for the party.

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Answer to:
What's my name? Ester. Edna Rockna petunia smouak

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Answer to:
On what date in 1976 was Black History Month started? 2-1-1976?

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Would you let a 10 year old girl pierce your ears? only if she was using a sterilized long bow arrow and was 300 yards away.

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Is there any expression more annoying than "BFF"? pcf

| 1 person likes this

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When will they stop running the "ants on a bagel" ad? stop using the words: insect, bug or pest in your question and/or answer

| 1 person likes this

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How do you get a stubborn person to stop being so stubborn? agree with them, if that doesn't work superglue their head to their cellphone.

| 1 person likes this

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Telepathy test: did I write "A", or "B"? You wrote B, but you really wanted to scracth your butt.

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What would be required for you to gain the upper hand ? 1) A third hand 2) a large bucket of chicken wings 3) plenty of beer 4) no pictures of me in my undies on Twitter...... again. 5) advising Ms. Palin not to run against me again and I want the photos back.

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Is there any beneficial to colon cleanse or is it just waste of time? Probably a waste of time.

| 2 people like this

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Have you ever used "monkey" and "Obama" in the same Google image search before? no but I've put your name and asshole in Google search. Got a picture of you on a donkey ride in the Grand Canyon.

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Give me in 10 words or less How to achieve world peace? all world leaders, nude oiled cream corn wrestling

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June is NOT the month to _______. learn cross country skiing.

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What do you call people from Belgium? Wafflers, ?

| 1 person likes this

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What did the 70's smell like? burnt out souls, lost dreams, and liquored hookers

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
ladies if i wanted to dress as a girl what will i need a 7 speed blender, 3 gallons of Nair and lots of volka.

| 1 person likes this

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Disney is to blame for ________________? our mickied mouse problem.

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Does anyone have any good names for a coffee shop? I am writing a story and there is a coffee shop in it but I have no idea what to name it "I've got the drips"

| 1 person likes this

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Just curious...what ethnicity do you think this person is? She is human, female, pretty and cross eyed.

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What is the heaviest thing in you home ? My library. I have about 3000 books.

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What do you NOT want to find in your bed? With apologies to you, 1) a horses head 2) a beaver dam 3) Ted Kennedy 4) the Rockettes 5) you being interviewed by Nancy Grace about your lost chicken.

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What do you think when you see a girl with "JUICY" written across the backside of her pants? she wears the new Depends G-string panty.

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Texting while driving is __. darwinism at it's best.

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Answer to:
Why are people that retire early so smug? because they are, for the most part, smarter than you and much better with money.

| 5 people like this

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When will people learn that this is not a medical site? We are not doctors and furthermore even if we were we wouldn't I agree, and by the way, I wish that Cece in New Mexico would stop me photos of her rash.

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Have you ever wanted two of everything in all of your rooms? Is that Noah method of decorating?

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Who would win in a mock trial? Atheists or theists? Neither it would be the person with the coffee stand.

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Can I legally kick my 18 year old son out of my house? Is there a statute that says I have to give him notice like a tenant, even though he is not a tenant? I would think parents should have the right to kick a non rent paying adult child out of the house Kick him out. And sue him for non payment of rent.

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"2 inches in 2 weeks", have you seen these infomercials? do you really need those 2" added to your waistline? Good luck.

| 2 people like this

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Why can't I have fun? Your panties are too tight, loosen them and see what happens.

| 2 people like this

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I'm the commander-author in charge of directing the psychological war against Soviet type regimes like that of Syria, Turkey, Iran! OK? Wow, I just got appointed to block watch captain and that is way too much power.

| 2 people like this

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If you are, why are you so crazy? because I wear my Depends backwards.

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Well, did the world end? Due to the miscount of "end of the wotld ballots" in Florida the end of the world and the recount debacle will postpone the whole thing at least another 75 years.

| 3 people like this

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What would you do if I gave you 5,000 Dongs ? would that leave you dongless?

| 1 person likes this

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Do you know anyone who practices polygamy? Isn't that the art of paper folding?

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Give me a smart/funny comeback :D work with you, I'd rather slit my throat with a broken Miller Lite Bottle.

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What do you believe will happen on May 21, 2011? I am going to sleep in, mow the lawn and whistle in the grave yard.

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Answer to:
how can i hack a someones facebook remove the CFL bulb from the nearest lamp, put your tongue in the socket and turn on the lamp. You should be hacked into Facebook.

Answer to:
What Is the Average Cost for Lap Band Surgery? $45 for the zip tie, surgical grade, sterile. $ 29,955 for the experience to insert it laprascopically. I'll do it for $300

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the best answer to "Why do you care?" It's my nature. What's your's?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Which ordinary men and women have made history? Any of these men and women buried here. http://www.abmc.gov/cemeteries/cemeteries/no.php This among other places like it.

| 2 people like this

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What if nobody paid taxes? Those FEMA concentration camps were build for this reason. Google "FEMA concentratrion camp".

| 1 person likes this

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What are funny responses to " what do you like to do for fun?" shave peaches

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List of unsafest websites as you can? www.unsafe.org

| 1 person likes this

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Can you name something GOOD about cigarette smoking? You will die earlier and I will get your parking spot.

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How self-deprecating are you willing to be? I am answering your question, aren't I.

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What country has the lowest population growth? Vatican city. 0% and because no women live in Vatican City it would have 0 % growth...

| 1 person likes this

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____________ is the longest __________ I have ever seen! This fill in the blank question is the longest reign of nonsense I have ever seen!

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What sound are you really sick of hearing? did you flush?

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Answer to:
Why is my Goldfish so mean to me?? Like me, he hates your very essence. He wants a bigger bowl, a fish castle and a 52" plasma. I have no request from you, yet....

| 1 person likes this

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How can I find a pistol from a street dealer? another illegal act. but because I am man of the people go to 4th and Richmond Street, look for the man with the denim jacket. Ask him if his name is Dave, he will say no, it's Jamal. He will ask you what you want. Have plenty of cash.

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Couldnt girls tell if guys had Genital warts? and what about Gentile wars?

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What was the last thing you marked with a post-it/sticky note? a package of post-it notes

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How long does it take to get an American citizenship? zero days. just get born here.

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Do you think this warrants an act outside of the realm of science? http://tinyurl.com/3ne83rc rick rolled on AB, I am honored!!!!! This is a video about the coming end of the world on May 21st. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx6w3j7cWa0&feature=related

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Answer to:
How many lovers will a U.S. woman have in a lifetime? if you are looking for a number, 317.

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When getting high on nutmeg, is it best to smoke it, or eat/drink it? I believe that it is best to use it as a rectal suppository. Using a whole nutmeg.

Answer to:
What is a natural way to stop bad breath? stop breathing or nibble on parsley.

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When do you cover your ears? when someone is going to announce that they are out of coffee.

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I'm 17, can I get married to my boyfriend who is 19, in Illinois without MY parental consent? sure, marry your boyfriend and wonder what life outside the trailer park is like. While you are at it, have several kids, have the husband beat you and become another statistic. And before you say "Whatever", think a) do I really love my boyfriend and b) am i doing this to get back at my parents. Think and then act slowly.

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math problem Jamal should save his money, wait and buy a car with cash.

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Americans: Have you traveled anywhere outside of North America? To the UK, but getting back through customs as a pumpkin is really difficult.

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Do guys think that short hair on a girl looks "boyish"? I do believe that their boobies would give them away.

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Nasa has confirmed. the World is coming to an end :( True / False? http://unitednationnews.cn.mn/ false but if the world is going to end I will take all that nasty paper money from you so your rapture will be smoother. Email me for my mailing address.

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Answer to:
Without faith there is no.... "This Kiss" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dls_cBmUt7Q Otherwise it would be performed by Hill.

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The best way to spread happiness is to _____________. :) use a sileage sprayer.

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Answer to:
How do i hotwire a 1990 mazda familia 1.5 L this is an illegal act. but attach the green lead from the A-7 junction box to blue wire in Red Junction box.

Answer to:
how can I ask/convince my mom to let me wear thongs ? If you are talking about these, just do it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flip-flops If you are talking about these, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thong_(clothing) you should wait until you are at least 25 years old.

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Answer to:
why do girls wear thongs and let them show during school Because their mothers do it. Kinda hard to explain a "Tramp Stamp" to a 4 year old, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lower_back_tattoo

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What happens when u death? your bladder and bowels empty, kinda like a Saturday night for you.

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AMERICAN SPECIAL FORCES KILLED SANTA CLAUS. Would you like to see the evidence? wow, you are a credit to the human race.

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What do the Igbo people do for a living? Bowl see www.IGBO.org

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One should resist the temptation to .......... 1)... give a smart assed answer 2) ...tell the world that they live to dress up like school crossing guards 3) ...think that Lindsey Lohan will stay sober 4) ...buy a 1600 lb wheel of cheddar cheese 5)... tell Marky Mark that he reminds you of pickles.

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Answer to:
Which anime character does my friend look most like? I think, Herbie the Love Bug....

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What was Alcatraz before it was a prison? It was an island, sitting alone in San Francisco Bay, with no one to love or care for it. No man is an island, but all islands are. Give to the IsleofView fund @ IsleOfView.org

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How many words can be made from these letters b i f l e n e? 62 million

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Does Obama's birth certificate have a serial number that is wrong for the date? Or a date that is wrong for the serial number? Or what? And Abe Lincoln was born in Kentucky but Illinois is called the Land of Lincoln. What do the Lincoln Birther's have to say about that.

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What are some things that you should never do when saying your wedding vows? Whisper to the bride "My God, your mother is really hot."

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Marriage vows say "for better or worse," but is there a limit? My marriage vows has a must recycle clause.

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What was the brunette barbie's name? Bad Girl Barbie

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Have you ever google searched your screen name? How many pages did it bring up? wow, 37,458,982 pages and I am considered a diety on Easter Island.

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How many feet per second does water flow through a pipe? damned near the speed of light.

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Why do Women have Front Bums the same reason your head is hollow

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Do atheists named Christopher or Christine have trouble believing in themselves? Atheists don't name themselves. So they could call themselves Anti-Chris.

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Why do most people think that emo is gay? It has to be the bright pink messenger bag you carry.

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whats the easiest way to cut in school? go to school, do well. go to college, excel. invent the next big thing, buy Hawaii and live like a King...

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Is silver a pure metal? whether or not it is pure is conjecture. But I have seen some videos on You tube questioning it's "purity", if you know what I mean.

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have you visit xadeboreal store? why, it's filled with crap and not the cheesy fun crap, it's the crappy crap.

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What age do girls start really losing their attractiveness? woman are always beautiful from 18 to 88,

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What is your last thing you do before you die? 1) Spit in the wind 2) Pull the mask of the old Lone Ranger 3) Don't mess around with Jim

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What sound do you least want to hear early in the morning? the whistling sound of a HELLFIRE missile and then.....

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my dumb parents won't let me take the car out thank your parents.

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What is the best way to find an inexpensive gift? Salvation Army, 75% off Tuesday, row 5. way in the back. Stuff so cheap you pay for it with pocket change and a ball of lint. Buy any thing blue...

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if you had a remote control that controlled everything within 3 miles from u..what would be your favorite button? blow up the idiot.

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Can a parent(s) sell their child's soul? they can, Ebay and Craigslist both have a listing.

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What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? The video from my first marriage.

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Name a state that gets a lot of tourists? confusion. more visitors to the state of confusion than any other state.

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Facebook. Am I the only AB'er not on facebook? Vegetables are not allowed Facebox pages

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If you had a candy factory what would it be called? "Sweet dreams are made of this"

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Should interracial marriages be banned? no, and what century are you living in.

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What caused your worst hangover? 402 blueberry muffins

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What have you done today that is clutzy? nearly cutoff my finger.

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Whats the last thing a man wants to hear? we are out of pie.

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Go to google, type in your last name, click "more" and "products", then sort by high to low. How much does the item cost? $242.53 plus shipping and handling, $267.21

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Question about flavored condoms? If that would make you feel better, then yes.

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When do you think a child should be exposed to Abortion? never, although abortion is a choice for women, it shouldn't be be exposed to children.

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Giant lint ball attack me! What I do? kiss your lintfree ass goodbye

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Did you have a family member or friend that went to catch Bin Laden? My teachers sons friends uncle was one of the Navy Seals!!! :) and you are posting that info here. Either that person is a liar (a SEAL would never give up OPSEC) or you are an idiot. And I am thinking the later.

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Best way to to let my extremely sensitive best friend that the gift she and her husband got me and my husband for Christmas got destroyed? you could burn down your house and then tell her that it was destroyed in the fire.

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If you would've been given the choice,how would you have taken out Osama ? a lubed handgreade up his butt and a can of chili.

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Since Obama has ended terrorism worldwide by personally killing Osama bin Laden, does that prove that he is in fact a god among men? wow, the test results are back and you are dumber than a box of rocks.

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What are some things that should not be rushed? circumsions, shaving your head with a straight razor and potty training a grizzly bear

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How do I get rid of black mold in my apartment? move

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There are some lint ball on my sweater, who can help me solve this problem? harvest them and sell them on EBAY.

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why don't they make voting for federal elections online? and that won't get hacked.

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What Is a Spinner Ring? didn't they do "Stuck in the middle with you"

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If deaths come in threes...who will be the other two? aren't you in line??

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What would be the worst way to die? being bored to death listening to Deaf Talk Radio.

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Is there something that you feel self conscious about doing alone? Karoke, I loved to be embarassed in a crowd.

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How can I avoid a fight in a bar when someone is trying to start one with me? Try to be the smallest person in the room.

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If adam and eve were the first humans and they gave birth to two boys, who did they have sex with to create the next generation? are we all the final product of the original incest according to the bible? El Paso

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I've just about had enough of your____________________________ Humour appreciated. shaved dancing cats.

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What do you love love LOVE about Texas??? It ain't California

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Do you think we should have given Osama Bin Ladin a burial at sea? Explain in a comment. I think that dumping OBL's body was cruelty to fishes.

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how can i start a fight in a bar be a bigger ass, if you possibly can. be the biggest ass in the room, wait you already are. I wish you would come to my city and try that. Asshole

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what are blue waffles? sad and clinically depressed waffles

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Why stir the hate pot? hatred soup tastes better that way. you bring the crackers and I'll bring the spoons and someone else the bowls.

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Name a body part that you have two of. cosmic awareness scanners

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I love eating my make up. how can I stop staple your mouth shut

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How many times a year do you get sick? (Cold or flu) never,

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What is your favorite type of apple? I kinda like my Nano and Fuji

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Did Kate Middleton get a fertility test before the wedding? she did take the test, scored 87 out of 100. Missed the question on who the horse faced woman is...

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What is a double entry visa? this is obscene and should be in the adult section

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I have this feeling that the small Smart Cars are safer than they look. What do you think? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz-s1sIoLhU You do the math, I would drive one around town, not on the freeway..

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Why did President Obama wait so long to make his birth certificate public? At least he didn't beat up a prostitute like Joe Biden did.

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How do you answer your phone at home? How do you answer it at work? Do you ever find yourself getting them mixed up when answering at the opposite place? z'upp

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Who sang the most lead vocals for The Beatles? Pete Best?

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Is Latin language hard to learn? Not when you are Rome-ing around.

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Who is the most beautiful woman in the history of the world? my wife. no others come close.

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When is it right to get a babysitter? When is it wrong to get a babysitter? right, when you go out. wrong, to hire a babysitter when you don't have children

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Fads: Tamagotchi, Pokemon and furbies etc. What is the current fad? Obama birthers and Trump Feral Hair watchers

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I found a small white pill that says "Answerbag Staff" on one side and "Professionally Researched" on the other side. What is it? give it to the goldfish, if it gets an erection it is Viagra.

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What is something that you absolutely cannot do without, even for one day? Besides obvious stuff like food, clothes, water etc. Bacon

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Have you ever helped anyone remove a splinter? What did you use to remove it? My Swiss Army (r) splinter removal tool...

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Donald T says he has a good relationship with "the blacks"/always has. Do they agree? The blacks like Obama. Trump doesn't. Next move? Trump is the distraction, watch out for the real canidate. And you are jealous of his feral hair.

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What is ur favorite chocolate of all time!? Plenty and Free

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Do you Think Donald Trump Realizes that he Pales In Comparion to Obama? Does he? Trump has more feral hair than Obama.

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Who is cooler Tazmanian Devil or Bugs Bunny? Bugs Bunny, he is way richer!!

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What does fried hamster taste like It tastes like gerbil, but not as gamey.

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How much fun is ping pong? It's up there with home surgery.

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Name a famous person with the initials MJ? Doug Flatbush

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Name a famous person with the initials MJ? Share your answer...

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why they don't allow us to kill children in video games? because it is not good for the soul.

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If you were stuck alone in an elevator for a long time, what kind of music or talk radio would you want to listen to? Elevator rescue radio. The Otis person and the reassuring count down to rescue

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Is Splash Mountain at Disney World racist? yep, and so is the teacup ride and the "Small world ride"

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My friend and I were at McDonalds. He used bad language. A woman got mad He apologized Would you say something to him if he swore in public yes I would. It is a family style place.

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who wants all my money :) you have 3 dollars in Monoply money.

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Why is there no Church on the Moon cause you haven't been there to build it.

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men would you buy womens clothes bought undies for my once, also found out that grannie panties are not sexy or a good idea as a gift, but are real cheap

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Did you ever come across something old in your house and realise how much of a failure you have been? no, that is so depressing.

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Was there any mention in the Bible about what the weather was like the day Jesus rose from the dead? it was snowing, and the apostles went skiing

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When will my Bath be ready when we get enough water to fill your tub.

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Colt 45. or Desert Eagle 50.? For fashion, a Colt is the better gun.

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How can a reasonably fit but not athletic 60 year-old gray-haired man look more youthful? hang around fat 40 year old bald guys

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How beautiful a name do you think the girl's name "Keily" sounds? What does this name mean? Just wondering. The name will often be mispronounced as Kelly.

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What girl name is best? none of them. and that spelling of Brandi almost insures a life as a stripper.

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Name for my little boy?? Wow, you really want your child to be beaten up.

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Is anyone awear of how the last government shut down affected the US Forest Service? Is Smokey Bear unemployed? Woodsie Owl?

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How fast can a zebra run in mph? about mach .0025

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What is the practice of animal testing? PSAT, SAT and MCAT.

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The death penalty is ... an answer to the parking problem in New York.

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Whoa! Why are the staff of Answerbag putting out so many questions today?? way too much coffee today. Decaf tomorrow.

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Do any of your family photos turn out like this? LMAO!!! yes, but we later got our brother fixed.

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Can someone donate sperm to multiple sperm banks? sure, but don't try to use your ATM card there.

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Best way to humorously ask a girl out? you, me, beer, bed and goodbye.

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are a few good men left on planet ? on earth, yes. on mercury, the hot ones

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What is war? the absence of peace, common sense and lives.

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Best way to humorously ask for a raise? more money or your wife will go a killer shopping spree.

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fav weed for 420?! milfoil

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What makes you feel bad? crochet hooks in my eyes

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I ate a plastic sandwich bag to impress a girl because she told me too, now I'm scared and angry. Can you help? sit in the closet until Saturday, things will be fine.

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i don't want to go to work/school i just wana play xbox 360 all day please don't vote.....

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What operating system are you running? windows 3.1

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How much sugar is in a calorie? I'm watching my sugar intake and was just wondering one table spoon is about 16 calories

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Why are the holes in cats fur always in the right places for their eyes? makes you believe in a higher power, doesn't it?

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Why are the holes in cats fur always in the right places for their eyes? .....

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What is a home remedy for acne?? a belt sander and a mirror...

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Why can't I find my dogs belly button? My mom said I was conceived doggie style and the dog gave birth in a simular way... first, go get a dog bisket and I'll explain the facts of life.

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Does the Bible contain errors, contradictions, or discrepancies? so does the phone book, wikipedia and Obama's birth certificate

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Should a guy shave his body, including legs and nether regions also? why not, and while he is at it, tint his hair, color his nails and pierce his privates

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Whats the last thing you humped? last Wednesday

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How do I get information on a family tree? most likely it is either a pine or spruce tree.

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Can't we all just get along...or at least tolerate our differences? because it makes too much sense.

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Why do people ask what God will do on AB? I don't think God will do anything on AB. That is such a limited realm. Facebook maybe.

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How do you get a splinter out without tweezers?? My foot is hurting me like crazy. use anything from a pair of needle nose pliers to a chain saw.

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Do ears get bigger as you get older? no, your head gets smaller until, poof, it's just your ears on your neck.

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how to get a bigger butt talk about your friends behind their back, that would make you a big asshole.

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What is there beyond the universe? another universe and a Starbucks. and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ_G9ETE21U

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The best ideas for a male name suitable for the following description... Jeremy

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My girlfriend says she wants me to eat her out but I've never done it before, can you yell me how to do it the right way? Cannibalism is illegal, I will be contacting the authorities

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Do you think the president is the only one who people should get mad at if he does something stupid? Blame the spouse

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Why would my sister, that was adopted not want to know about her siblings? In other words me. she wants to run away to join the circus, you would complicate things.

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Does God Change? Still wears the same Tweed jacket he got back in 1940....

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is there anything in my nose? 1) your finger 2) last sundays "New York Times" 3) a bucket of KFC chicken 4) the non blonde members of the Dallas cheerleaders 5) a Smart car, snow tires and an atheist ape called Irving with post nasal drip

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Have you ever had someone sneeze on you in public? If yes, how did you react? i peed on them

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Vaccinate or not vaccinate? Vaccinate. No proof that vaccines cause autisms. Unvaccinate kids spread the childhood diseases and could possiblly cause an outbreak of smallpox

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What is the name of the test that is needed for accounting? Lie Detector

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on a scale of 1-10, how bad is it to sleep with ur dead ex's brother? and why do feel this way? depends on when he died, yesterday is a 0, 5 years ago is a 10

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which type of chicken taste the best? Free!!!

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Wedding Processional: Where Does the Bell Girl Fit In? between the fire dancer and hot air ballon flyover.

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What is most likely to make your dog upset? Not being able to watch either "Cats on the Prowl" on Fox. Or "Dancing with the Stars" on ABC.

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can death help us know more the world? sure, why not. In the same fashion that swimming with sharks will teach you amount dental problems.

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How can you get the skills you need to pay the bills? 1) get off the internet, go to school, learn more than you need and work hard. 2) sell your soul to the devil (should net you a couple of dollars) buy a lottery ticket and cross your fingers, not win the lottery, sell your body to medical science and try again. Lose again, steal car, and on and on and on..... 3) marry rich 4) try # 1

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When exactly do you ovulate? my wife can't peg the egg.

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Exactly how did it lead to this? You had a broken compass. It ain't your fault. . . . . . . . . . . . Wait a minute, yes it is.

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What type of food are you least likely to eat with fries? sheep brains

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Does any one have a dinosaur hidden in their closet? great, we now have gay dinosaurs!

| 1 person likes this

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Is there any Difference between "Your Truth", "My Truth", and "The Truth"? Share your answer...

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Took a bite and found a hard crunchy taste. What is the hard black core in the banana? It's soul.

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When you peel a banana, how many "segments" do you usually get? one

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When should you put a banana in your ear? When it is time to split.

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Why isn't it okay to wear red at a funeral? because you will clash with the casket.

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why do i stink like poo? Because you are!

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I have OCD, what's a good xbox gamertag for it? wheezer

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What are causes of low testosterone in men? Playing X-box, smoking, and tight pants

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What was the Dachshund breed of dog first bred for? someone how had way too much time on their hands. and a wicked sense of humor

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Do Greyhound dogs chase Rabbits? Greyhounds and some Greylines will chase Rabbits, but they prefer to chase Jetta's.

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what caused the fense cutting wars? The fense wars, also called the "Good Fense, Good Neighbor War" was fought in the state of Wyoming during the late '70. It ended soon afterward, because Ben Cartwright acted as peace mediator.

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If Ireland has a town called Limerick,does England have a town named Dirty Joke? NO, they have a place called Haiku

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What do you think of the Irish? anyone tastes better with BBQ sauce on them, the Irish are no exception.

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Does alcohol taste bad? I'll drink to that!

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How do you get reed of dandra no hair, no dandruff. you do the math.

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How do you cure really dry and really oily facial skin? A belt sander.

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When is the French Labor Day? The French don't work. They are all drinking wine and being rude.

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Do you have anything that you carry with you at all times during the day? a giant inflatable cow

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What is the worst thing you can be convinced to do for ten thousand bucks? for 10 k I would be nice to you for an hour.

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Atheists-are you good without God? redacted because God told me to.

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Atheists-are you good without God? only if completely coated with salsa.

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how does a paleontologist help society. by not mating,

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How big was dinosaur's genitalia? much larger than yours without a doubt.

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When you think of dinosaurs, what do you picture? my mother

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Is it weird to go to movies by yourself? depends on the movie.

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Did dinosaurs have tits? Keeping you abreast of the tit situation is difficult with a boob like you. They may have had appendices that looked like knockers but that is udder nonsense. You would go bust if you bet on tits on a dinosaur.

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Our neighbors across the street just called the cops on my next door neighbor for shooting off fireworks. Now he is out in the yard yelling obscenities and trying to get my husband involved. What should I do? This is when poison darts would be useful.

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What wouldn't you be caught dead wearing? one of Hiliary Clinton's pant suits.

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If I like math, and death. Is being a sniper a good fit for me? you should try gambling on horses with mob money.

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Why Do People Get Emo? The same reason they defecate, it gives them something to do for 5 minutes, 4 times a day.

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Is television getting worse? It mirrors society, hence society is getting worse. Improve society and television will get better...

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You wake up and everything is black. You can't see a thing. What's going on? napping on the job as a coal miner can do that to you.

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Was Apple right to remove the "gay cure" app from its app store? yes....

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What is the fastest-growing Christian religion? Reformed Bobist

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You know you're getting old when.....? when you don't remember the beginging of the question/

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Do affairs ever have happy endings? Yes if you pay for a "happy ending", and never ask for a "Carpenter's ending", because you will wind up with streetrock mud in places you never knew you had..

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iv got red hair its washed out a bit now but i wanna go back blonde wot do i start off with to get there? i dont wanna damage my hair tho?? wash your hair hourly with carrot juice and rinse with imported beer.

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What should I say when people complain about my choice of hair color? Nothing, unless you are a minister, nun or lion tamer. Otherwise walk away and stand tall.

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How do animals adapt to living in the rainforest? they grow umbrellas out of their backs

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Which constellations are magnetically attracted to each other? pisces and parsnips

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y do atheists exist throughout the world today? they just are.

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What is something a woman would say but a man wouldn't? did you put the seat down?

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Can you describe your bank account in 3 words or less? 7 digit figure

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Mine is Anne, what is the purpose of a middle name? Why do some have more then one? and what is yours? for the media to use if you are a murderer. Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wayne Gacy, Theodore Elvis Bundy.

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How much of an inconvenience is it to you when the electricity is out? I tend to answer questions on AB faster when the electricity is out.

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Is "Pent House", Magazine Better Than "Play Boy" ? Playpent is better.

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i jerk off a lot. i have never gotten off during intercourse with my gf. what can i do? whats wrong? Is it my fault? I cant stop jerkin it. stop being a jerk, be good to your gf and please do not get her pregnant.

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I predict a movie about the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear disaster within 1 year. What do you think? wow, did you preidct a movie about the "Titianic" too?

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Is ANSWERBAG JUST LEGAL FOREPLAY for heathens? yes, and while you are at it would you please return my leaf rake and toaster oven.

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Sterotypes, There for a reason? becasue they are usually accurate.

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What should I have said at work when a lady gave me a swat on the butt? I turned around and she was red and said she thought I was her son. as long she is a harmless wacker

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What is your favorite dessert? the Mohave and carrot cake.

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Is there a such thing as a "naked phase" in kids? and if so, when will it end? in my case, age 47.

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What is it like to be really rich? Boring, so I give it all away and cured hams as a hobby.

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Answer to:
What are the best conspiracy theories you've heard? 1) Black UN helicopters poised to attack the US waiting in Canada. 2) JFK was shot by multiple assassins. 3) Man did not walk on the moon. 4) Booth did not kill Lincoln. 5) Mickey Mouse is a rat.

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I fought a _____ with my bare hands! ...Geico lizzard....

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What is your all time fav. cartoon? Troy--- the attack snail...

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Should taxpayer dollars fund NPR? everyone is beautiful on the radio. and everyone is naked.

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What's a good name for a pet fish? Lunch

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can dogs eat lemons, or should they not ? they would rather make lemonade and make enough money to retire... away from you!!

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What is your tattoo of? The # 12 bus schedule.

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How much should a 7 year old boy weigh? 4.7 metric tonnes

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Unemployment denying benefits...is this legal? get an unemployment lawyer.