Ironhead's Answers

Ironhead's Answers. Enough to fill a bag.

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I smell bread, where am I? At the bar with the Pillsbury Dough Boy.....
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What was the last thing you cooked in butter? Fried egg...that's the only way the wife will eat her eggs is if I cook them in butter....strange she is.....
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Wayne Newton called..he wants _____________________ "Red roses for a blue lady"
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What spreads quickly? My ex wife....
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Quick...name a food that begins with the letter O? Oatmeal/oats
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___ is a famous picker. Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz (are famous) pickers.
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Why's your hair red? Someone must be looking through rose colored glasses...eh?
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which song most reminds you of the "happier times" in your life?In childhood or adulthood? The Lion Sleeps Tonight....brings back many memories!
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What a difference ___________makes !? an extra inch
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Did I ever hurt someone's feelings here? If so I apologize. I may leave Ab soon and I don't want to leave ill-feelings when I do. Thanks! You'll hurt my feelings if ya leave.....
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Which one do you like to put on your eggs? Salt or pepper? Both, with some Jolokia hot sauce to give it some kick.
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Did you ever break bread? A few times...I have also broke wind...
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Can you ____________ it? get jiggy with
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Are you bullet proof Nope, a 22 found my right leg back in 1975...
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How often do you see your brothers and sisters? Older brother, 3 or 4 times a month (lives about 2 miles from me), younger brother about 10 times a year (lives about 50 miles from me). Oldest younger sister maybe twice a year (lives about 1,600 miles from me) and youngest sister maybe 15 times a year (lives about 20 miles from me).
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Don't stand in my way ... I'm on my way to _______________!!! Joe's Crab Shack
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Why are there only 99 bottles of beer on the bus? I took one down and passed it around...
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Why do you have a fire hydrant in the middle of your living room? Got to, it's not easy living with a pyromaniac.
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How big are they? Big enough that I have to buy an extra seat on the plane.
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I want a bag of _______ for Christmas. Doubloon's
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Have you ever lost your wallet and i.d.? Thankfully no...I have misplaced them a few times, but always ended up finding it.
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Will you sacrifice an animal for Christmas? Mmmmm ham...yup
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Can you try not to touch my foods? I'll give it a try, but I cant guarantee it.
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Would you buy a used cow? I guess it depends on how it was used...With the price of beef, it might just be worth it.
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Have you ever got lost in the lingerie section of a department store? Once when I was in the bra section and I fell into a booby trap.
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Influenza and out flew _______? Phil N. Dablank. Dogma
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What's something that's hot? Bhut Jolokia
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if you woke up one day and a giant banana was next to you, what would you do? Get the hell out of there before King Kong comes back to claim that giant banana.
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Is it time right now 2 ? Sure is, would you like 1?
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So it was I. Who cares? So it was you, who knew?
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Do you like to eat meat without salt? Must have salt...
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What's something that glows? Lightning bugs
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Which is your favourite nut? The twins...ok...2nd favorite is Cashew!
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And then i saw her face. Now i'm ________________ getting the hell out of here.
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could you Name a dog breed...? please? Portuguese Water Dog
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Should coffee be taken rectally? I guess the Barista would have to also be a Proctologist.
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Given the choice, will you have kids? Done did that! 2 boys, 2 girls. But the choice now would be no now since the Dr. took care of that problem 20 years ago with a snip here and a snip there...
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What is an Alpenhorn? Riiiiiiiii-co-laaaaaaa
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What is not your cup of tea? A peanut butter, mayo, banana and jelly sandwich. But it is my sons.
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Which song comes to mind when i say "Black"? AC/DC's Back in Black
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Who is that man in the long red suit with the long white beard ? That's uncle Larry, just ignore him and he will eventually go away.
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What is something that is green in your house The glass that I'm drinking out of right now.
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Have you ever been to tired to _____________________?!?! fall asleep
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what else can a salad fork be used for to help get the knot out of the kids shoes shoelaces.
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Can Ozzy _______________ an Aussie? sing like
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What's your opinion on nipple piercings? To each his own...but not for me!
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Do you know someone like this: they say they prefer their home cooking to eating out.Have they tried all the restaurants to eat out then?! I am one of those people. I have not tried all the restaurants, would be very hard to do that, but I just prefer my cooking...I know who has handled it and what is in it etc.
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Have you ever picked up a grown pit bull in your arms? Many times...Have owned a pit and have family and friends that own pits.
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What is better in black and white? Oreo cookies
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Are you ready for another new year? I guess, I just see it as another year.
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Do your parents in law, stick their nose everywhere Thankfully no...have had these in laws since 1983 and I can not think of one time that they stuck their noses into our business...
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What is something that you should not give as a gift to a newborn baby? Power tools
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When did you last change a diaper? 2 weeks ago while my granddaughter was here.
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let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It has been snowing here for hours. How about where you are? Just lots of rain right now...though it did snow a few days ago.
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I ate ________________ for breakfsat this morning nothing
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have you ever been discombobulated? I would have to say more than once.
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What makes your chili so good? Venison and Jolokia peppers.
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Do you have something you want to tell me? That you should never take a bath in gasoline while smoking a cigarette.
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How can I tell if my head is on fire? If the neighborhood kids are holding sticks with marshmallows on the end over your head.
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What kind of question wakes you up? Ya wanna?
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Have you ever eaten deep fried elephant toes? No, but I have had Elephant ears...Here's the recipe. http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/palmiers_elephant_ears/
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What bed time is early for you? 11pm would be early for me...I usually hit the hay between 12am and 1am.
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What do you think a cow is thinking when its being milked? Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is.
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When is a baby wrong? When he/she waits to go to the bathroom right after you take off its diaper.
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Get _______. Shorty
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Can you name a holiday named after someone? Martin Luther King
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How many days a week do you stay in and not go outside the front door at all? I very seldom ever go out the front door...we use the back door.
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Why are you not reading my messages? Sorry, I shut my Telepathy switch off years ago because it was giving me headaches...
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what is your most shucking secret? just indicate it, not reveal it! Shucking field corn and telling the kids it was older sweet corn.
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Why did you take my newspaper? Needed something to read while sitting on the throne...
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How old were you when you got your license? 16
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Do gnats piss you off when they start flying around your food? Darn right...I'm not sharing my food with them...
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Rock 'n' roll and brew and _________? What is the third thing YOU need to make your life complete? duct tape
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Have you ever experienced technical difficulties while passing a motion? While intoxicated...yes.
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Would PICK YOUR NOSE be a good name for a rhinoplasty service I want to set up in my front yard? I can see the rest of the sign... Come on in and let us help you pick your nose...
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What's the frequernt hiding place of Hendersonula? The feet/toenails
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Do you store cups upside down or not? All are stored upside down.
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Can you name the three wise men? Jim, Jack and Jose...makes one heck of a shot.
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How do you feel when you forget someone's name? What do you do if you see a person you recognize and can't rememebr their name? I am horrible with names...I just say Hi, how ya doing...and hope the lil lady is with me so she can whisper in my ear and tell me who it is...
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Why do we never see snowwomen? But you do see an occasional one around in this part of the woods.
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Do you own the residence you live in right now or are you renting? Have you always been a renter? Own and paid off for the last 5 years.
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Do you need the cops to be around 24/7 for you to feel safe? No...In this little town you are lucky to see a cop 24 times in 7 years.
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I am making a snowman .What should I name him? John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
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Just because _________, it doesn't mean _________ . Just because I said it, doesn't mean it's the truth.
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I just need one more ____________________________ pitcher of beer and I can call it a night.
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What would not belong in a nativity scene? A goldfish.
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What is the weather like where you are at? 34 degrees and overcast, but finally it quit raining,
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Stay here,order a pizza and ________________________? chill with Pretty_Lilly!
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Please tell me where are you from? Originally from Florida, living in Illinois...Hello neighbor!
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What is something a person should not take their sweet time doing? Moving out of the path of a tornado.
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When was the last time that you lost control of your mouth? After the last tooth I had pulled from the injections that the dentist gave me.
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Why does my African steak taste and smell so differently? Because of the type of dung they use for the bbq.
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What is your Favorite song from 1987? Lean On Me, Club Nouveau
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Would you eat this steak? I would, though it looks to over cooked for me.
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Im so ____Im feeling so _____ although Im so _____ Ill have another ______. I'm so stuffed, I'm feeling so bad...although I'm so full, I'll have another slab.
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What was Frankenstein's famous last words? But soon," he cried with sad and solemn enthusiasm, "I shall die, and what I now feel be no longer felt. Soon these burning miseries will be extinct. I shall ascend my funeral pile triumphantly and exult in the agony of the torturing flames. The light of that conflagration will fade away; my ashes will be swept into the sea by the winds. My spirit will sleep in peace, or if it thinks, it will...
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What was Santa's Dad's name? Crispy Cringle
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Of the good cooks from TV long ago, who would you like to cook for you, Aunt Bea, June Cleaver or Hop Sing? The AB Mrs. Clever...but Aunt Bea of old...
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Why are you taking off your clothes? It's easier to take a shower this way.
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"You crossed a line." When would you feel this way? Why? After she slaps me...
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Where is Sherlock Home's...hehe He's with Waldo...
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Okay they say God's crying when it rains, so what he doing when it snows? Scratching the dandruff off of his scalp.
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I can't believe that you took me to see _______. the submarine races...I nearly drowned.
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Who had the FIRST EVER automobile accident? And what caused it? Google is no help at all with this question. Thanks! The world's first automobile accident occurred in Ohio City, Ohio in 1891. Throughout most of the twentieth century, the city of Detroit, Michigan, was synonymous with American automobile manufacturing. In the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, that was not the case. Instead, Ohio innovators in Cleveland and elsewhere were at the forefront of this new form of transportation...
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Can you almost touch your thumb to your finger around your ankle? When I use both hands...
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Wanna bet on it being a White Christmas this year? It will be a White Christmas somewhere for sure...more times than not it is here.
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What is not clear? Dog poo...or any poo!
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According to research...Over 80% of adults will buy this before the end of the year. What? 2012 Calendar
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How can I lose fifteen pounds before daylight? Lose it in a poker game in Britain.
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Does Lady Gaga make you horny? No, but she sure makes me want to smash the lil feller with a hammer.
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What do you do if a guy in your neighborhood keeps throwing you into a swimming pool while you are asleep? Stay awake
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what's the one thing that you want for christmas that you know you won't receive. My estranged son to call me. Have not heard from him in 15 years.
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Whats a word that starts with the letter "Z"? Zinfandel
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How far is Round Table Pizza from your house? Pretty far I guess...never heard of it.
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Have you ever seen a real monster that hides in your closet? Not since I divorced her...
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How many times a week do you get it? It comes 5 times a week...I just hate having to go to the post office to get it.
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Do you have a middle name? Why yes...yes I do!
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Where Is Dildo ?? Chasing the Energizer Bunny...
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Are there things you are doing against your will? What are they? Taxes...mainly property taxes...I mean, I own the property free and clear...
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What would you do if a guy dressed up as Santa Claus keeps shoving hotdogs down your pants everyday? Have a wienie roast...
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Mastercard. Visa, Discover or American Express? What's in your wallet? Wish I had none...but a Mastercard and a Visa hide out in my wallet.
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What do you do if a guy dressed as Sasquatch keeps on shoving ice cream down your pants everyday? Put on an extra pair of thermal underwear...gets kinda cold down there with all that ice cream.
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Have you ever stepped out of your fashion comfort zone? Yeah, wore a suit to a wedding...sucked big time...
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What's your natural position? Depends on her mood...
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am looking forward to__________? this weekend...the granddaughters are coming to visit.
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Sausage or bacon for breakfast? Preferably bacon, but occasionally sausage...that's if I even eat breakfast.
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Autumn leaves. Have you done some raking yet? I don't rake the leaves...I let either mother nature (wind) or my granddaughter to take care of them, whichever gets to them first.
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Alright to make this clear I have a 17,14,13,12,11,9, and 5 year old any comments? You've been busy.
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Something wrong with my goldfish. Could be fungus...Check out a goldfish forum and check around there to see if you can get the information you need.
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bridge _________________ over troubled waters
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What if she refuses? Cattle Prod...she will listen then.
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Can you describe the last poop you took using only the title of a movie? The Blob
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hvfb59bv46w5986gtv$$^%8t786b547 59n0 htiphyjunvjyu509 nyuv0u5ythjuhghhhhh Very interesting concept!
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I ringed your doorbell 5 times! What were you doing!? I was at your place ringing your door bell 10 times.
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Have you ever eaten cottage cheese & green olives? I have eaten both, but not together.
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Name some things that both religious and non-religious people agree on. The "agree" to "disagree".
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What is one food that when unexpectedly served right in front of you, you would want to throw against the wall? Since you said "want to throw" and not, would throw....Hominy...YUCK!
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I love this ___________? bar
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What Indian name would you make up for your significant other? Ex: Peesalot. She would be "Squat-to-pee"
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If you're tall, do you... wait for it... PLAY BASKETBALL?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha!!! Heh. At 6'5", I don't play basketball...Maybe I'm to short.
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Did you like being an A__ole? An Anole? Never thought about being a lizard...
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How big is your rear end? Big enough that the D.O.T. makes me put a "Wide Load" sign on the front and back.
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What is the number one item on your holiday wish list? Obviously my kids...they must be high to think I'm gonna get them what they have at the top of their Christmas list...
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More fun than a ________________ tornado at a trailer park.
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What will you do in bed tonight? Not sure how it will start...but know how it will end...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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A bad response to 'I'm pregnant' would be? (humor welcomed) "Is it yours"?
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What is something that you would not allow a nerd to do? Borrow my pocket protector...
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Our Father who art in ___________ The Maury Povich Show...you are "NOT" the father.
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How do you deal with two wise guy's who show up at your front door? Show them the back door!
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Where have all the G-Men gone? They've gone to "H"
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What is something you tried once and will never try again? Stag beer...never again. Yuck!!
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What is something you own that you wish I would just drive up with a big truck and haul away??? An old smoke house that I have been wanting to tear down for some time now.
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How do you plead? The 5th
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What do you dislike about Jehovah's Witnesses the most? They always show up at the worst times...
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Why do black people call Walmart "Wally World" which is not proper? Uh, well...I call it Wally World... and the last time I looked, I was white...
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Do u have brain bugs? Hopefully my brain farts will keep them away...
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How much do you drink these days? A pitcher of beer a couple of times a week at the local bar...unless the grand kids are here, then I skip the bar and my pitchers.
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XXII – Question: Do you think Turkeys long for xmas and Thanksgiving? They've got a couple of legs up on it...
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Do you like seafood? I have eaten many many different kinds of seafood...but my all time favorite is Snow Crab and Shrimp.
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What signs indicate that the end times are approaching? When the bartender yells "Last Call"...
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Can you survive without the remote? Sure, I can always get the s/o to get up and change the channel for me...
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What are some good football (American football) movies? An oldy, but goody..."Brian's Song"
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XXIX – Question: Ever eaten quails? Yes...quite tasty, just not much meat.
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"Don't Step out of line" What does that mean to you? Behave as you are ordered or expected to... or If you step out of line you will lose your place.
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What is NOT part of a healthy breakfast? A bucket of lard.
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What is one thing you own that you can guarantee I don't have? My car...if it's "MY" car, there's no way that you have it.
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have you ever lost money? In several different ways...yes.
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Are you a skilful cook? I believe so...started learning how to cook since I was 7 years old...been cooking 43 years now and love it.
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How do you handle being yelled at? I just smile and then ask them "Are you done"?
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How old were you last year? 48/49
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What's an unconventional thing to do on a beach? Roller skate
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Have you ever been the only one naked in a room full of people? On the operating table...yes.
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Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe if the answer is no, and once on the _______ if _______. door you mean it.
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Have you ever gone to the beach during winter? Many times when I lived in Florida...only lived 2 miles inland from the beach.
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What is the best thing to do on a cold windy day? Stay inside and watch a movie with the grand kids.
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When was the last time you did someone a 'solid'? Yesterday when my son said he needed to borrow my car to get to work because he had a flat on his truck. So I let him use my car.
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Those that shout loudest______________? don't want to hear others opinions.
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How would you react if you walked by this guy? (See video in description) Call the whitecoats.
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Ya...UnicornMans just reached "Maestro"...Who is going to join me in Congratulating him on his Monumental Achievement...Wahooooo Congrats Unicornman on the Maestrodom.
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When does This become His ??.....hehe After you take away his T.
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What are your plans for Friday night? Traveling to pick up the grand daughters to keep them for a week.
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About how far can I push you before you lose it? About a quarter of an inch from the ledge...
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What is the opposite of morning wouldn't? Hahaha....Evening Wood...er I mean would.
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Everything goes well when______________? Mama's happy.
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VII – Question: Ever been bitten by a snake, how was it? More times then I can count. As a kid I was always out catching snakes...and they seemed to tag me more often then not. Does not really hurt but itches some as time goes by, but sure does startle ya when they get ya.
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Have you tried Pho yet? Many years ago...It was worth eating, just nowhere around here to get it.
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would you change your gender? Heck no, I can barely walk in tennis shoes...
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Ouch! I just cut myself _______. buttering bread...
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Do you care if there is a NBA season? I think I can live without it, how about yiu? Not an NBA fan...so nope, don't care.
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On what day of the week does the garbage truck come by to pick up garbage for you? Whatever day I have enough to take to the dump...usually Saturday.
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What does the voice inside your head tell you? Lions tigers and bears, oh my...
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Just where on Earth did you get that gigantic ___________? thingamajiggy
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What is something you hope to accomplish by your next birthday? Seeing that next birthday!
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Do you like left or right? I prefer 2nd base.
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Holy Sh*t! What's that on your head!? That's my pet tarantula.
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You see a dollar bill lying on the sidewalk, do you lift it and put it in your wallet/pocket or do you keep on walking? I pick it up and keep on walking.
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Is yours an inny or an outy? Born with an inny, work gave me an outy, the surgeon then gave me back my inny.
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If you fed beans to the birds and made them fart -would that help them to fly faster? I don't know, but there would beano more fresh air.
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I almost saw her (his) _____________ but _____________ got in the way!! I almost saw her jugs, but the wife got in the way!!
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Get outta my _______ garden you wascally wabbit.
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The rain in Spain _________________________ does not smell as much like fish like it does in Main.
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Another word for_______ is_______ ca ca, doo doo, poo poo and number two crap
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How much would you pay to have unlimited money for life? Fitty cent.
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Can you hold your own? Takes both hands...but yes.
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If you stumbled across a baby alien, what would you name him? Guadalupe Esquivel Garcia
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Have you ever painted the town red? I have tried a few times, but usually it is quite hard to do it while bent over the toilet.
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Do you love fried garlic shrimp? I like any shrimp...as long as there is no coconut with it.
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What is a subject of conversation you shouldn't have at the dinner table? About the dutch oven that has the soup cooking in it had granny's "Depends" soaking in it the night before.
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If you heard the name "Bubba" what would come to mind? First thing would be my son, being that is what his nieces call him "Uncle Bubba".
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Do you use any lotion at all? When I give the s/o a back massage....
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Why is it that all the Christians at school are nice, and then they figure out I'm an Atheist and they hate me. Hmmm...."All" Christians?...I judge no one.
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I wanna know as I'm sure others would as well, have you ever seen the rain? Shinin' down like water...
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How would you feed an "Amphisbaena"... Very carefully...you don't know which end will bite ya.
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How old are you? 50 for a little longer.
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Can anyone tell me what are DeKalb Schools? I guess it means schools in DeKalb, or DeKalb county....
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She,s had so many face lifts,theres nothing left in her_______________? body to hold her head up.
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Is there someone not related to you that you call Aunt or Uncle? Yes, there are a few of my parents friends that we have always called Aunt and Uncle.
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Stop it,you're making me _________? write bad checks.
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What did you see that you wish you could unsee but can't? My ex wife.
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The last time I was drunk I _________? obviously had way to much to frink.
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Did you find what you were digging for? No, that darn wedgie is still there.
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'Ping'! What happened? Lids are sealing on my canning jars.
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What should not be on your plate for dinner tonight? Earthworm pate.
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Stop eating my _____________! thin mints
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Stop drinking my ___________! Brooks ketchup
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Are you loyal to Tobasco sauce or Frank's Hot Sauce? Or do you use them interchangeably? I use many different brands of hot sauce...but of the two you ask, Tobasco would be the one I would pick...but no loyalty. I actually prefer my homemade hot sauces.
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What is the best pickle's brand? Do you like pickles? I could eat my weight in Claussen's
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What foods are the British famous for around the world? Black pudding Kippers Pork Pie
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Do you enjoy the company of your pet? Very much so...If they were not around, I'd probably go insane.
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I woke up to the sound of ____________ the coffee pot gurgling before the s/o headed off to work.
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Will you skinny dip with me? Sure, and the rest of the Polar Bear club...
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Would you insert your finger into a hole just to find out what's inside of it? Sure...why not? How else are we gonna find out if we found the mother load or not.
| 1 person likes this
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Will you call me? We really need to talk. I forgot which psychiatric hospital you're at...refresh my memory please...
| 6 people like this
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could you live the rest of your life on 1 million dollars I'm sure I could, just wish I had the chance to find out.
| 3 people like this
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I smell ____ on your breath. a peanutbutter, jelly, mayonnaise and banana sandwich
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Do you like Jim Croce's songs? Why or why not? If so, which song is your favorite? His life was to short, a great musician. I like all his songs, but "I got a name" is on the top of the list.
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What would happen if I XT'd someone? The person that got T'd would be owed an explanation from XT for getting T'd.
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What do you say when you gotta go poo? I've heard some funny sayings before. (this is for fun). :) Dump a lump Taking the browns to the super bowl
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what happens if you sit on a bag of chips / crisps? You will have crumby dreams when you go to bed.
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Do UFOs really exist? Unidentified flying objects..yes, there are plenty of things that are unidentified...but do I believe in Alien space ships....eh...not until I see one myself.
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Do you remember the D.A.R.E program in grade school? No D.A.R.E. program when I was in school, but remember it from when the kids and grand kids were in school.
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So, I'm naked. Now what? Stay away from open flames.
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Do you know how much money you have in your wallet/purse? Zero, zilch, nadda...If I leave money in my wallet, it's gone before I get to use it...so no money kept in my wallet.
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I had a dream about Snooki, blue cheese, burnt toast, and a roller coaster. What does it mean? It means you are going to end up on the Jerry Springer show.
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OK,I just gave you a little buzz ! What would your reaction be ? Swat you with the fly swatter.
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Finish this phrase: I love... I love little baby ducks, old pick up trucks, slow moving trains and rain...And I love you too. According to Tom T. Hall that is.
| 1 person likes this
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_________ is small enough to fit in the ____________ Gilbert Gottfried person known as...Rosie O'Donnell
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Based on what you now know, what were you in a former life? Spermatozoa...tadpole
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How would you react if you saw a person flying in the air by flapping his arms? Find where he got all the helium and join him.
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So, how has your electricity been for you lately? Shockingly priced.
| 3 people like this
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what is the name of this animal? pls tell me if u know Possibly a black macaque
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What do you think was the worst comedy film ever? Tell us so we can avoid it ;) Freddy Got Fingered
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Do you REALLY know what's going on? I try to stay in the know.
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Are you hurting? Pulled side muscle is giving me some discomfort right now...and my eyes and lungs don't feel so good right now...just got done making some Bhut Jolokia hot sauce and the fumes can do a trick on ya...
| 3 people like this
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Hey, what did you eat earlier? Did you enjoy it? I just got done making 16 pints of green tomato piccallili (relish) and some Bhut Jolokia hot sauce and tested them both, but that is all that I have had to eat today.
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Why do you hate flying? My arms get tired. I love flying.
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Are you ___________ me right now? wooing
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Finish this: Woohoo! I'm ______________! Mr. Magoo
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when was the last time you touched your toes? This morning when I took a shower.
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Your _____ is on fire! girlfriend
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What is something that you have never done in your life? But would like to do? Be a millionaire.
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Can I pinch your nipples? Only the ones on the baby bottle, but make sure your hands are clean first.
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How did you pay the milk man? With my milk money.
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Let's do a shot of _____. Mezcal
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Please _______ after _______. rinse off your plate you finish eating.
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Why do I keep asking all these dumb questions? Someone has to do it.
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Please _______ before _______. Please be a sweetie and wipe the seatie before leaving the bathroom.
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_____ makes my butt hurt. Ghost Chili Peppers or Hemroids
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Run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm ____________ Speedy Gonzales
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What can you say about a "Blue Moon"? I saw it once.
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What do you ceribate while sitting on the bowl? I celebrate another complete cycle of poodom.
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Can you answer this question in French? Bien sûr, je peux le faire!
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Apart from too many calories, what are other reasons not to eat more than 8 bananas per day? I wont have enough left to make banana pudding.
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How do you do the voodoo that you do? I do it to it like Pruit would do it to it.
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Is "Electrocution" a shocking thing to say to someone....hehe What an electrifying question...Shockingly so.
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The Dummies Guide To ________? the "ANY" key
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Knock, knock. Who's there? Woody. Woody who? Woody _______? Woody Wood, that's who...
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Why were people so shocked when they arrived at the wedding? It was clothing optional.
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What are you wearing at this exact moment? Boxers and a Big Dogs T-shirt
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Were you saved by the bell? Yes...I was always late to one of my classes on purpose. The bell would ring, I would poke my head into the class room and old Ms. Kelley would point to the principals office. I liked being in the principals office more than in her class.
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Guys! How often do you change your boxers? Let's see...what year is it? Every day.
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Wheres my cat? Last I saw of him he was visiting the neighbors pit bull.
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What can you see from your front yard? Woods, horses and an occasional deer.
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Can I change the radio station? Well, you will have to turn it on first.
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There wasn't much food in the Garden of Eden..so Eve ate Adam's__________ (hey this is just for fun!!) Oscar Mayer
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When was the last time your phone rang? Couple of hours ago.
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May cause_________________ blindness, please remove spoon before drinking.
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This coffee is so strong it's dissolving _______________________ my stomach lining.
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What makes your "Blood boil".... Drunk Drivers
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Can you give me a rotten answer? Week old road kill
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How are my "Bluchers"..?....hehe Have not seen them in person... but I'm sure they fit you well.
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Would you take me to your nearest Blind Pig ? ....hehe... Please... Best I can do is lead you to the ham in the fridge, it can't see either.
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Are you or have you ever been a "Bowsie".... Nope, but I know a few.
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Who's your favorite Blimp....?? Dom Deluise...
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Do you Brachiate often....hehe Not much anymore, arms get to tired.
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Where's your Calaboose....hehe In the dungeon...
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As the King cut open the pie 4 and 20 black birds flew out..and all that was left was a lot of _____________________ bird poo
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While Pinocchio was sleeping..his girlfriend ____________________ his nose. Uh...straddled.
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What would the name of your next newborn child be? It would have to be Miracle since I took care of that problem 20 years ago.
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If your mom is the answer, then what's the question? One of the people that love me unconditionally.
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What does King Kong use as a tooth pick? Palm Trees
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____________ ford Tennessee Ernie Ford
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Did Perry end it all last night? Brain cramp stopped him for finishing his point. leadership materal? Huh, guess he should have used a teleprompter.
| 2 people like this
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what are you loving? Right now...the cooler weather...means very few insects.
| 3 people like this
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what is the funniest movie you think you have ever seen? My all time favorite is Blazing Saddles..
| 1 person likes this
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Why not give up, why keep going? To stubborn to.
| 1 person likes this
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What was the first automobile you can remember riding in? What do you remember about the vehicle or about the experience? 55 Chevy Wagon I learned how to drive in this car when I was 9 years old. Dad would let us take it out in the orange groves and drive...
| 1 person likes this
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What is something that you would not throw? Baby/child
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What's the second letter of alphabet? Farfegnugen
| 2 people like this
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Since you're so sarcastic, why are you still alive??? Because only the good die young.
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Get some _______ because _______. blankets you're sleeping on the couch tonight.
| 8 people like this
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What do you usually say when you want someone to get lost? Just that..."Get Lost".
| 1 person likes this
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Do you have Sonic restaurant at your location? Nope, closest one is 40 miles from me.
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If you can't __________ then don't _________! If you can't run with the big dogs, then don't get off of the porch.
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How long do you keep someone as an acquaintance before you let them be your friend? A day, a week, a month, six months? Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to...so...More than six months.
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If Jack Black can eat no fat and his wife can eat no lean, how do they agree on a menu for lunch? And so betwixt the two of them They went to Dairy Queen
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Would you mind diagnosing me with something? Not until you take two swigs of this Vitameatavegamin...then ask again in the morning.
| 2 people like this
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Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?? Were you sad when you got it?? Last speeding ticket was in 1992. doing 72 in a 55. Was not sad, just pissed that I would have to pay the fine, but was my fault...he was only doing his job. He did make it a little more enjoyable when he mentioned to me about the bumper sticker on the back of my truck. It said "I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying".
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Have you ever thought of using a rooster as an alarm clock? Never thought of using one, but the neighbors rooster does the job.
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Let your _______________ do the ________________ hair down and wahtoosie
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Do you need to use both of your hands to hold it? Well I'm afraid if I don't it will fall to the floor.
| 1 person likes this
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Can I win? Well I have won 32 straight...so yes, you can win this time.
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What will happen if I don't do it? Well if you don't do it your face will be froze in that position forever.
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Would you like a kids meal? Sure, as long as that kids meal includes snow crab...
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Would you like to sit on my lap? You playing Santa again?
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No more drinks for you okay? Why? You shink iz had to mush to frink? hic Peas can I haz yust one mo. hic
| 2 people like this
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Are you trying to bite my finger?! Yes, I love finger sandwiches.
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What is one thing that you prefer to be small? Goodnight!.... My debt.
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What are you most proud of? My children and grand children.
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What are you known for in your family ? Many things, but I like to think that I am known quite well for my culinary abilities.
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Can you think of a pretty girls' name that begins with M ? Makenna Maddilyn
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Other than a bed, where else have you slept? Couch, floor, cot, car, back of a truck, bus, in a tent, in a plane, on a raft, on a boat, airplane terminal, bus terminal,...shoot, I think it would easier to say where I have not slept.
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I used to ____________________, but now I __________________________ instead. run 5 miles a day take the car
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my gf buy a cndm 4 a guy coz ds guy kips on askn her 4 som cdms evn do she has non,thts why she buy sme for him wat do u tink abwt her excs? My eyes...my eyes...........
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Is there a woman you can think of that is scary? If so who is it? In looks...Phyllis Diller
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Name something that is curvy? Anything School grades
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The bad news is___________but the good news is___________ the animals died in the fire so did your ex wife.
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Boston_______________ Terrier
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How do you know you are correct? Cause Mama said.
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When was the last time you wore boots of any kind? 1983, the year I got out of the Army.
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Hey that soup is so manly..its has _____________________ in it. power tools
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This ship is going to stop only where i want it to stop...I've got the _______________________in my cabin. Captain tied up
| 4 people like this
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What is the best way to tame a unicorn? You have to grab it by the horn and feed it gummie bears.
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Do you prefer lobster or crab? Snow Crab please.
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Approximately how much time do you spend on the phone specifically with family or relatives? Probably around an hour a week.
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Do you use your computer right now? No, my other personality is at the moment.
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Who taught you how to braid hair? (To anyone this might apply to) My then wife, now ex wife. She had hair down to her butt cheeks.
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Do you have a printer at home? I do, but has not been used for a year or so.
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Why do the French pee in the streets? Oui oui...why?
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Can I clip your wings ? Sure, I do not know why they leave the tips on my chicken wings...there is no meat there.
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How do YOU spell relief ? F A R T
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Can you smell something fishy? I do, my kimchi must be ready.
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Did you say please to the police? Sure did, but he still would not give up that jelly doughnut.
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Why can't you just get it through your head? I'm pushing as hard as I can, obviously the tip of the arrow is pretty dull.
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Do you like the smell of chickens? Only when they are cooking.
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Guess what? Chiken butt! Know why? Chicken thigh! Guess who? Chicken poo! Know how? Chicken cow! Guess when? Chicken pen
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What's your "AKA"....?? Grizz
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Who gets your Goat.....!! The last goat went to the coyotes.
| 1 person likes this
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Say anything? Anything
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Is that all? What you see is what you get..that is all.
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That's all you got?! I didn't know I needed to bring the whole cow.
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Why you eating my pieces of chickens?! So that all those little pieces weren't laying all over the table.
| 3 people like this
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I crave your mouth your voice your _________________ hair.
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DO cloacas have more fun? They sure did when Steve Irwin was still around.
| 1 person likes this
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If you eat my foods, _______. I gonna smacka yo face!
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Name something you can do to a bare butt? Draw a letter "B" on each cheek and call it Bob!
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I've got a ________________________ pickle, I've got a pickle, I've got a pickle hey hey hey hey.....(according to Buckwheat of the Little Rascals_
| 2 people like this
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What is something that you don't want to look at? Why not? Rosie O'Donnell naked...oh wait, I don't even want to see her dressed. My eyes, my eyes........
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I think I will______________ I think I will just stay here and drink.
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Why humans started to eat hot food? It made the pterodactyl taste like chicken.
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any cheap suggestions to keep warn in 10 degree weather? Well, since this is in the hunting category...split open the large animal you just killed and crawl inside...should keep you warm for an hour or so.
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The verdict is in for Dr Murray. What do you think it is? Guilty, Innocent or a Deadlock? Guilty of Involuntary Manslaughter according to the verdict.
| 2 people like this
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why would anyone kill a mockingbird? They're on a mockingbird diet.
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Thinking of getting a Lorum piercing (pic included at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorum) ... What do you think? To each his own. Not for me, but if that's what you want...I say go for it. I personally would not put the lil feller I grew up with through that...lol
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I'm trying to change______________________ the channel, have you seen the remote?
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What is something you've decided you're unable to learn? Say no to the grand children.
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Touch of ______________________ gray.
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So lets just hope there is _________________________________ more from where this came from.
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I would love a __________________________ right now! stack of $100's
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A fist full of ___________ knuckles
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BEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFF???? or CHICKEN? Mooooo Love the beef.
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It's________________Time!! about that
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Can you live alone without family and friends? I can and have, just prefer not to.
| 2 people like this
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Can you name one item you absolutedly believe that you are paying too much for... Gasoline
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Do you consider yourself attractive .....why? add picture =) In a hairy sort of way...
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Are you a Friendly Stranger? I may be strangely friendly, but not The Friendly Stranger
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I'm in love with ___________. this girl that I'm talking about.
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whiskey_________________ whiskeys to rough, champagne cost to much...vodka puts my mouth in gear. This little refrain should help me explain, as a matter of fact I like beer.
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This is a formal dinner...please put on a ____________________ shirt and pants, I said Formal, not come "Normal"
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How much would you like? Just enough to satisfy my craving.
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Can anyone tell me about "Zippy the Pinhead?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zippy_the_Pinhead
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What do you think is under the big one? What to think of as "The Big One"... Maybe the twins, the boys? Or, a bunch or rubble and mayhem if the big one hits.
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Do not ______________ this computer Do not sneeze on this computer, it has enough viruses already.
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guys: got any urinal stories? Uh, none that I can think of other than that I used to work at a vitreous china factory and I have made many urinals, toilets and lavatories.
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how long are u comfortable with a stranger staring at u? Maybe 10 seconds, then we are no longer strangers... I usually just stare back at them, and they usually look away.
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Did you flush the toilet? Not yet, I was wanting to get a ruler and a camera so I can document this wonderful turd and send it to the Guinness World Records to see if I broke a record.
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Yes, you may have my extra ticket to _______. the Freaker's Ball
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___________________dandy Go Jim Dandy
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Do you like fish sauce? I do when I add it while making kimchi, also oyster sauce and shrimp sauce.
| 1 person likes this
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Dr. Frankenstein said I've got good news and bad news, the good news is I'm giving you a second head, the bad news is I'm getting it from a girl named Abby Normal.
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After the bank robbers ran into the car wash the police had to ________________________________ stop them from getting a clean getaway.
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Well, that was____________________ a bummer.
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Can you tell me whats this for? (Showen in red circle below:) They are electric eel fishing poles.
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Have you ever lost your marbles? Sadly I have lost many of my Cat's Eye's, Commies, Steely's, Crystals and Bumbos...Oh how I miss them so.
| 1 person likes this
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Can bald people have hair line fractures? Only when splitting hairs.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a ________________. muffin...
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Little Bo Peep has lost her__________________. sense of humor....
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Are you knock knock knocking on Heaven's door? Not according to the death clock...I still have 16 years to go.
| 1 person likes this
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Why is it usually harder than it looks? Viagra I suppose.
| 1 person likes this
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Why do you get up each day? Because the bathroom is in another area of the house.
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What do you call a cat that stands straight up and totally still? Froze solid
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What could your browser history tell me that you wouldn't? Nothing...I have nothing to hide.
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What is one question you have asked for your entire life? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
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When will you return to me? As soon as the garbage patch kids un-cuff me.
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Before an actor goes on stage, he always kisses his__________________ Wallet
| 1 person likes this
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You have been tasked with creating a new battle cry for your country's military, what would you come up with? I like what Achmed the dead terrorist would say..."Silence!...I kill you"
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___________ mate Consummate
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"I'm wasted and I can't find my way home" How do you find your way? A trail of bread crumbs...always hungry after getting wasted.
| 1 person likes this
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want an approximation of when you will die? http://www.death-clock.org/ You will live to be 66 years, 9 months and 27 days old!
| 3 people like this
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Should I drink alone while listening to I Drink Alone? No, call me or George Thorogood...we will help you drink alone.
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How old were you when you found out that Santa isn't real? Who told you? What? No Santa? Where did you hear this? Have any proof to back this up? Wow, I'm really bummed now.
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How big is it really? Ginormous
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So you got caught with it in your mouth? Yep, just wish he would have quit trying to reel in the line...that darn hook hurt.
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Is there anyone famous, who was born in your town? Not in my town of 300 people, but the town of 130 people just a couple of miles from me is where Burl Ives was born.
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What does muppet taste like? If I'm serving muppet at a dinner party, which wine should I offer to go with it? Muppet has way to much filler in it, very fibrous. I'd recommend if you are going to eat muppet...MD 20/20 wine is needed.
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I've accepted the fact that _________. I will be on oxygen therapy for life.
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Do you ever drive 'under' the speed limit? Well yes, don't try to, but there are times when it is a must.
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What is something you think about way too often? Lately, finances.
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It you cannot hold it much longer, what would you do? Let it rip and blame it on the dog.
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I missed _______ while I was _______. the squirrel aiming for the ex.
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Were you bottle fed? Nope, got it straight from the tap.
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Do you like prune juice? And what does it do to you? Never tried it.
| 1 person likes this
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Popeyes or Dairy Queen? Never been to a Popeyes, none even remotely close, and go to Dairy Queen maybe once a year. So...Neither.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you think of me when you are watching television? Yes, I blame you every time the picture goes out.
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Do you like chicken noodle soup? Occasionally...
| 3 people like this
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Do you like your online name? Scale from 1 to 10 Have had the same online name for close to 20 years...so it has to be a 10.
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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, why would he want to jump over the candlestick? He didn't have a razor, and it sounded like a good idea to get rid of that unwanted hair.
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I wear my sunglasses at night? Your future must be bright!
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Whys everybody stop singing?! Someone shut off the music.
| 2 people like this
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Let's do a routine head count. Yes? ONE here! I'm just one, but now I make 4.
| 1 person likes this
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What do you like having two at a time ? Double shots of Tequila
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Nothing is more hopeless than _________________? being blind and trying to thread a needle.
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An odd thought stikes me________________________? An odd thought strikes me, does it really take two to tango?
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What the hell is this damn thing!? Not sure, but it's a good thing you didn't step in it.
| 2 people like this
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Where is the worst place to get a paper cut? Your tongue.
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In the beginning, _______, but in the end, _______. I started I finished
| 3 people like this
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pigeons are delicious, do you agree? Squab is delicious when cooked correctly.
| 2 people like this
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Dude where's my phone? Have ya checked the toilet?
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What is something that you always do? Visit the toidy every morning.
| 6 people like this
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How fast can you type? (Eg: 4 letters every 5 seconds) 68...gotten slower through the years.
| 2 people like this
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Do you shout at your monsters ? Not anymore, they all grew up and moved away.
| 1 person likes this
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A thing of beauty is a _____________________? newborn child.
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I think that I shall go and _____________________? watch my show.
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Seek abroad and you may find_____________? a broad.
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Three items you always keep in your fridge? Hot peppers, hot sauce and milk. My fridge is never without these three items.
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A home is___________________? where ya make it.
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If you had to walk around with something posted on your forehead for a week, what would it be? This space for rent.
| 5 people like this
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Do you always have a dessert after your main meal? Nope, the only time I have dessert after a meal is on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day meals.
| 1 person likes this
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Fill in the blank: Like a good neighbor, _________ is __________. I pick up your dogs poop from my yard and throw it on your front porch.
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I can still ____________. breathe, I'm not dead yet.
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Happy ________ Weylon! Happy happy joy joy Weylon! And a happy birthday also.
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You open your eyes and you are the Frankenstein creature, your first words? Holy guano batman, I look like Fred Gwynne!
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You know you are poor when __________. dirt is the main appetizer.
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My favourite all time guitarist is ? Stevie Ray Vaughn...but lately it has been Trace Bundy.
| 1 person likes this
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Has anyone ever slapped your hands? Many times, especially while playing the slap game. http://www.ehow.com/how_2489_play-slap-game.html
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Did your toast fall on the buttered side ? No, I just like to butter the counter first.
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..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!................??????????????? BR549
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Does your voice sound feminine? Only when one of the grand kids accidentally head butts me in the crotch.
| 2 people like this
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Is it that time of the month? Yes it is, just got done sending out about 15 bills.
| 2 people like this
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What would you say if you saw me shoot someone who liked to asked poo smearing questions? I'd say "Oops there goes another fecalfeliac"
| 1 person likes this
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Why is it that you always want to be in the middle. I like being the meat in a sandwich.
| 1 person likes this
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why do i wake up with such a sore throat? Do you snore? If so, this could be the culprit.
| 3 people like this
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Do you go to the bathroom alone? Why yes, yes I do!
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Have you ever done anything bad? This one time in band camp... I'll never tell.
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Did you ever call anyone by the wrong name? So much so that my children think I named them wrong.
| 1 person likes this
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You do realize I'm not actually Kim Kardashian, right? Seriously? Darn...oh wait, who the heck is Kim Kardashian anyways?
| 3 people like this
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What is something that you should not carry? An elephant...might do some severe damage to your back...
| 7 people like this
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What is something that you don't miss? My ex wife
| 4 people like this
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Do you sleep better when the room temperature is warm or cold? Do you have a temperature range that you prefer to sleep in? Mid 50's to low 60's with fan and blanket on.
| 1 person likes this
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What is something you did recently that you did for the first time? Made Spicy South Seas green tomato relish.
| 2 people like this
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Who should you never tease? The Judge right before he renders the verdict.
| 6 people like this
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Have you ever told someone that they love you? I'm always telling my kids "You know you love me"...so yes.
| 1 person likes this
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Should people with tattoos be treated like criminals ? No...Friendly Stranger said it the way I would have. Just remember...there is only one difference between tattooed people and non tattooed people...tattooed people don't care if you're not tattooed.
| 11 people like this
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Can I rent your poodle? Rent? Well, if your talking for studding with my miniature poodle, sure...$350 a shot.
| 1 person likes this
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Would you adopt a platypus? Only if I could name him Perry...Hey, where's Perry?
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Did Jack really had a thing with Jill? He did until everything started going down hill.
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Do sticks and stones really break bones? If they get hit hard enough...
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Just why? Cause Mama said!
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when is the last time you had ice cream? Five to six months ago.
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Who's wrong? According to the Water Boy "Colonel Sanders" is wrong.
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At what age did you truly feel like you'd grown up and became an adult? 17 when I enlisted in the Army...
| 3 people like this
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How many, if any, microwaves have you had in the last ten years... If my memory is correct, I'd say two.
| 1 person likes this
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Can you eat a lemon without wincing? Yep, been eating lemon for a long time.
| 1 person likes this
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Do crabs think humans walk sideways? If the crab hangs out at many bars, it probably does think humans walk sideways.
| 1 person likes this
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Spaghetti and meatballs or? Spaghetti and meat sauce Meat sauce, don't care for meatballs.
| 1 person likes this
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Would You Do It All Over AGAIN?? Most of it in a New York Minute...but a few...nah.
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what is that bulge in your pants? My one eyed trouser trout.
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What did Jack say to Jill? Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, and unzipped his fly and said come on you know you wanna. Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun. But dumb a$$ Jill forgot the pill and now she has a son.
| 4 people like this
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What kind of egg was humpty dumpty? Well he wasn't very eggcited about falling.
| 2 people like this
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How old were you when I was born? A dollar three eighty...or 10.
| 3 people like this
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Should I get Satan's name tattooed on my forehead? To each his own, but I wouldn't recommend it.
| 1 person likes this
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How soft do you like your toilet paper to be? Anything softer than John Wayne toilet paper...you know the kind that is rough, tough and don't take no sh*t off of anybody.
| 1 person likes this
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How do you like your stuffing? Put on a different plate.
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Halloween is a good time to ______? help kids get cavities.
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Peanut Butter... Wont bother me, don't like the stuff.
| 1 person likes this
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Can you lick it? Only three times, then I crunch it to get to the center of the tootsie pop.
| 4 people like this
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Halloween was going well until _______. the jack-o-lantern caught the little kids costume on fire.
| 4 people like this
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What do you do to spruce up your box of Jiffy cornbread mix? I add jalapenos.
| 3 people like this
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Who's been getting your attention in the grocery store recently? Just my Niece...she is in charge of the dairy section and I'm always getting her attention to tell me if there are any deals to be had.
| 1 person likes this
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What is the largest item you have ever fitted inside your pants/trousers pocket? Probably a can of beer.
| 1 person likes this
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Have you ever eaten something on a dare? Flies and grubs....
| 2 people like this
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How often do you look at someone else's shoes? Not often, usually only after I trip over them and I want to find out who left them laying around.
| 5 people like this
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Is there something that you do not like about Halloween? Getting T.P'd. It is cool looking the first morning after, but cleaning up the mess is a pain in the buttocks.
| 4 people like this
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How do you keep your feet happy? Draw smiley faces on them.
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I have learned in life that____________________ I still don't know the difference of $hit from Shinola.
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Is there a sports for lazy people? Pocket pool
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What does she mean when she tells me I'll see her in the bathroom? She means she has no arms, and needs a little assistance.
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What if you put out an old stinky couch for the garbage truck, and then found Tom Cruise jumping on it? I would quickly push the button to compact the trash in the back of the truck.
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How do you start over again? Rewind, then push start.
| 2 people like this
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Does size matter when you are on top? It does if the one on the bottom can no longer breathe.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you have a nice shopping mall at your town? No malls in this town, just 2 bars, a gas station, an American Legion and a mom and pops restaurant.
| 4 people like this
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Will you scratch my butt? Sure, let me find my 10ft pole.
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Can you stick it? I'm sure you can, but when it wakes up you better be ready to run.
| 1 person likes this
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When is the right time to reinvent yourself? Right after you enter the witness protection program.
| 2 people like this
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Do you like the smell of fresh cardboard? Yeah, especially when it reminds me of the pizza they used to serve in school back in the day.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you know how to text? Nope, never even tried.
| 3 people like this
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How often does your cat swear? Every single meow.
| 1 person likes this
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How many years until your youngest child turns 18? Over a year ago.
| 2 people like this
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What is another word you use instead of $hhiitt? Crapolla
| 1 person likes this
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Are you in the Sticks... Not only in the sticks, but the leaves too.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you get extremely wet in the shower? Why yes, yes I do...and to the life of me, I still can't figure out why.
| 1 person likes this
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How good of a shot are you with a gun? Rate yourself from 1 to 10. 7 without a scope.
| 2 people like this
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What watershed do you live? Mississippi River
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When death knocks, ________________ ? When death knocks, he obviously did not see the door bell button.
| 3 people like this
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Can you name something that people make dirty for a living? Porno Movies/Magazines
| 2 people like this
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Do you believe in cheese? I believe cheese is real. I actually seen some the other day at the grocery store.
| 2 people like this
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Would you rather have someone scratch your back or tickle your front? Well I'm not ticklish, so I guess I will take the back scratch.
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How well do you know the back of your hand? Pretty darn well I'd say, known it all my life.
| 1 person likes this
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Will you ask me something? Weylon, am I pregnant?
| 2 people like this
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What do you do when you are alone? My dogs don't let me alone, so I am never alone.
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Are you light skinned, white skinned, pink skinned, tanned skinned, yellow skinned, brown skinned, or black skinned? What skinned are you? Multi-colored skinned, tattoos cover most of it up.
| 1 person likes this
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Who wants to join me in saying CONGRATS TO THE REDBIRDS on their 11th World Series championship? Yeah Baby!!! Congrats Redbirds!
| 2 people like this
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Give me a word that rhymes with tickle? Frickle
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What did your father used to call your mother? The same as he does now...By her name, Pauline or her nickname, Poodie.
| 1 person likes this
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What is something that has gone by too fast? My children and grand children growing up.
| 4 people like this
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Is there a name for ppl who like snowy icy places? Inuit
| 1 person likes this
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Do you love to eat apple butter and then pee nuts? Apple butter is ok...but pee nuts? Most painful me thinks.
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Why did you jump in front of my car? I needed something to put on my resume that would show that I was qualified to install speed bumps.
| 2 people like this
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What was your most recent "uh oh" moment? When I was outside and yesterdays chili kicked in.
| 1 person likes this
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The best part about waking up is ___________. knowing you have made it another day.
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What do you like to put BBQ sauce on? Shredded pork
| 4 people like this
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Don't you hate when you find a ___________ in your __________ ? fly soup I mean, he wont eat much, but I'm not sharing.
| 1 person likes this
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What is a sign that you're likely to lose your job soon? When you see a sign on the door saying "Going out of business".
| 7 people like this
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You are pulled over by the police. What is your first reaction? License plate light must be out, I know I didn't do anything wrong.
| 6 people like this
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My father use to say, "you can put that in your pipe and smoke it", nearly everyday. Did you father have a catch phrase? what was it? Get that (snake, alligator, turtle, lizard) out of the house... you know your mother said no more pets.
| 2 people like this
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What did your mother used to say? You better quit pouting or a bird will poop on you lip.
| 3 people like this
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Everytime I hear ______, I remember _____. "Last call" it's time to go home
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High School is __________ 33 years in my past.
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In 1994 what was happening to you or what were you doing? Trying to potty train my youngest child.
| 1 person likes this
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My internet connection is so slow, everytime I want to log on, I have to ______? run in the Boston marathon.
| 2 people like this
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Does music help you fall asleep? No, but the hum of my oxygen machine or a fan does.
| 2 people like this
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When is it time to give up? When you're staring down the policeman's service revolver.
| 4 people like this
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How do I get here from there? Take 4 lefts.
| 2 people like this
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Do you eat a lot of peaches? Not any more, those darn squirrels keep getting to them before I do.
| 2 people like this
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What is your most simple pleasure you just couldn't live without? Salt
| 2 people like this
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Did you think it through? I normally just jump feet first and take the consequences.
| 1 person likes this
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Would you be offended if you were called a skinny b*tch ? I'd be offended if they didn't. :-)
| 8 people like this
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What time was it as you answered this question? Please give local time and GMT or geographic information. Central Illinois, U.S. 8:32am
| 1 person likes this
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Do the police do a good job of patrolling your neighborhood? How often do you see them? We might have a police drive through once a month...they do not patrol here, no reason to, we live in a very small and safe neighborhood.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you care to join me for a swim? It's gonna have to be a Polar Bear plunge..water is to cold here to swim.
| 2 people like this
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When is Spicy Hot.....hehe When she gets to close to the fire pit.
| 1 person likes this
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Who do you think she is? She's supa freaky
| 1 person likes this
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What exactly is 'better' in the Bamahas anyways?! The Bahama Mama's
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Women generally have a longer _______ than men? day in the mall
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Men generally have a longer _________ than women? fishing pole
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Where can you find a fairy? Walt Disney World has plenty.
| 1 person likes this
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Please say something / anything. Whatever's on your mind. What do you call a constipated German? Farfrompoopen
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Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? I heard they take Cofftea breaks.
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Red or Green Grapes! Which do you prefer? Seedless or not? I like both seedless, but I prefer the green.
| 2 people like this
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Do you like fried mashed potatoes? Fried mashed tater cakes...mmmm hmmm
| 4 people like this
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Where are your pants? In the washer at the moment.
| 5 people like this
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I Dream of____________________________. Jeannie with light brown hair.
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Turn around and put your hands _______. on your cheeks and smile.
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Lindsay Lohan is posing for Playboy next week, how many of you men are going to rush out & buy the issue when it hits the newsstands? Not I...have not bought any Playboy magazines, or any other skin mag's since the early 80's.
| 1 person likes this
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________ rubbed my kitty the wrong way. That speeding car
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The time has come for ____________ to ____________. The time has come for Paul to Revere.
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Have you ever watch the horror movie called Slither? Nope, never heard of it.
| 3 people like this
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Thank goodness _______________ was invented!? the t.v. remote control
| 3 people like this
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If you were a road sign, what would you be? Slippery when wet
| 2 people like this
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Is it tea done? Tea for two and two for tea. Yup, tea is done.
| 1 person likes this
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What's the difference between a mouse and a louse? A louse will make your head itch, a mouse just makes some peoples skin crawl.....
| 1 person likes this
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How many paper towels do you use in a public restroom? Two or three
| 3 people like this
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Can you give me one good reason? Well, if you don't let me drive you to the hospital you will bleed out.
| 5 people like this
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Guns are best _______. at a knife fight.
| 7 people like this
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What sports are most common among nudist colonies? Marathon
| 1 person likes this
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Say something random please Kumquats
| 2 people like this
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When was the last time you went to Disney Land/World? Have been to Disney World at least 10 times, but have not been there since 1979.
| 1 person likes this
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What would motivate you to look for a job? New lungs
| 1 person likes this
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How do you like those apples? I like them peeled and salted thank you.
| 3 people like this
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The day was going well until _______. yesterdays chili kicked in.
| 8 people like this
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High school limits trips to the bathroom, 3 per semester. More visits result in disciplinary time. Do you approve of this policy? Keeping that kind of policy will keep the janitor on his toes.
| 1 person likes this
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What never ceases to fail? The sun rising and setting.
| 1 person likes this
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In a recent poll several months back... Toilet paper, Cigarettes?
| 1 person likes this
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What's your preferred type of "chill" music? Simon and Garfunkel
| 2 people like this
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In one word what does your dress sense say about you? Confortable
| 1 person likes this
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Have you ever seen a butterfly on roller skates? No, but your question did remind me of the song "You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd".
| 1 person likes this
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Do you ever sneak outside food into the movie theater? At the indoor theater I will occasionally pay for their food, but at the Drive-In we take our food because they allow it.
| 1 person likes this
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Have you ever been nailed? A rusty one at that! I stepped on a board once and ran a rusty nail right through my foot. Very painful to say the least.
| 1 person likes this
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I want my ________. cake and to eat it too.
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Do you feel yourself connected with a well? Hmmm...that's a "Deep" subject.
| 3 people like this
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Have you ever tried pancake syrup on ice cream? Many times...and it's yummy!
| 1 person likes this
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Do you feel well connected with yourself? Well the super glue is still keeping me together.
| 5 people like this
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Do you like gravy on fries? What about cheese? I did when I would eat at the mess hall in the Army...but not since then, gravy...not the cheese.
| 2 people like this
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Have you ever set an animal on fire? Once in a while when I am cooking on the grill.
| 3 people like this
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What do you keep in your secret pocket? Mostly just lint.
| 3 people like this
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Where did you get those fabulous shoes? I borrowed them from Hobojoe....
| 5 people like this
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At what age did you first start trimming your nose hair? Don't remember the age, but I trim them when they start snatching food crumbs from my mustache.
| 4 people like this
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Can you come out of your closet? Nope, my closet is to small to even get into, and I'm not removing any of my tattoos.
| 1 person likes this
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Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks? Buffalo Springfield Rides Again...
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What's a "what-not"? Do you have one? Yes, right next to my nick nacks.
| 1 person likes this
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What is your favorite salad dressing? Plain ole white vinegar, or Red Wine and Vinegar.
| 1 person likes this
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What's the silliest mistake you've made while cooking? Using Baking Soda when suppose to use Baking Powder and vise versa.
| 6 people like this
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Do you remember the Addams Family? If so what did you think about the series? I am a fan of the Addams Family! Liked the old t.v. series, wasn't much up on the movies.
| 2 people like this
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Which under water creature do you like/dislike the most? Cuttlefish are cool looking, and taste good. I don't dislike any...I think all underwater creatures are cool.
| 2 people like this
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Why should your friend Jack stay away from the airport? In case someone says Hi Jack
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What is one thing you dislike about birds? Them chirping and waking me up.
| 5 people like this
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Were you a Geek or a Freak in High School??? At 6'4" and 250lbs no one called me either one. I was neither, I was a Neanderthal.
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Can you throw a punch? I would never waste good punch Hobojoe.... But yes, yes I can.
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Whats the best thing about California? It's thousands of miles away from me.
| 2 people like this
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Let's go to a bar. What do you want so I can pre order? Pitcher of beer, tomato juice and a shot of Pissed off Mexican. (Tequila and Hot Damn)
| 2 people like this
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Are you a horrible dancer? Not sure, I never dance.
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What was the last thing you took out of your freezer? Salad shrimp
| 1 person likes this
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How concerned are you about food safety? Being that I grow most of my vegetables and gets my meats from reliable farmers...not very much
| 1 person likes this
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What was the best kind of food you were introduced to? There are so many, but Snow Crab, Shrimp and all Korean foods top the scales.
| 2 people like this
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Can you name something or someone people are often chased by in movies??? Psychos Monsters Giant Insects Ghosts
| 4 people like this
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Do you love eating raw meats? I do, as long as it is not "Fowl" or "Foul"
| 2 people like this
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Do you like feeding people? Why or why not? I enjoy cooking and thus enjoy feeding people.
| 1 person likes this
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Once in a ____________________________. lifetime
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Would you hire a wino to decorate your home? Sure and he will take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall. "And a neon sign, to point the way, to the bathroom down the hall."
| 2 people like this
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You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? Those darn Talking Heads
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If I give my dog a treat she buries it outside and inside.She has done this since I got her.What is the reason for this? They do this because their saving some food for when there is nothing else to eat, or to eat later when they are hungry.
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What would you say if you walked into your room just in time to see my giant pet python disappearing down your shoes? I'd say, "Well, that's better than him downing my shoes"... only pair I have.
| 1 person likes this
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What does the cat litter do? It do, doo doo.
| 1 person likes this
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Does anyone like fried bologna sandwiches? Many times as a kid, but now...Yuck!
| 1 person likes this
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Complete this sentence: ______________________ is always getting in my way. My mustache
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Are you ready to receive? Should I give before I receive?
| 6 people like this
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Do you like meat in your cereal? Yeah, bacon in my oatmeal...
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___________really sucks My bank account
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Why does everyone like you? Well, not everyone does, but a lot do because I give them no reason not to.
| 8 people like this
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What is your favourite latin phrase? damnant quod non intelligunt
| 2 people like this
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Does your cat knows how to use toilets? I had a cat many years ago that did actually use the toilet, but she never learned how to flush.
| 1 person likes this
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Does your cat litter? No, he deposits it into the correct receptacle.
| 2 people like this
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Do you enjoy eating fish? Fish is good...mmm k.
| 2 people like this
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Have you ever done something stupid to prove a point? More times than I can count.
| 1 person likes this
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Have you ever helped someone or something, anonymously? Several times. One small example...leaving money in the coin slot of a washing machine at the laundry mat for the next person that uses it.
| 1 person likes this
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Would it really be too much to ask for you to to _____ after you _____? rinse off your plate are done eating
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Do you like frozen bananas? Chocolate covered...yes. But hard on the teeth.
| 1 person likes this
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Do you eat "Oyster stuffing" where you're from? Do you like it? Why? What's it like? My Mother-In-Law makes it every thanksgiving, but does not stuff the bird with it. It is always make in a pan. It is not bad, but it is definitely an acquired taste.
| 1 person likes this
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What are your thoughts when you see a large gathering of crows? They are getting ready to roost......
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Everything's better with ______ on it. Blue Bonnet
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What do you not want to be caught doing on camera? Why? Taking a healthy crap, or any crap for that matter...no need to explain...:-)
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Men: When you eat at a restaurant, why do so many of you tuck your napkins into the front waist band of your pants? Can't say, have never seen this.
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What is your favorite type of meat? Snow crab...Cause it's scrumpdillyicious!
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Are you ready for now? I'm ready now, but can't wait til later.
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Will you scratch my belly? That's a good boy...(scratch scratch)...good puppy...(scratch scratch)...
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What would you do if you found a blue sock under your pillow? I would quit blaming the washing machine and dryer for eating my socks.
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______________, the other white meat. Snow Crab
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What is your favorite style of comedy? (slapstick, satire, dark, etc.) Benny Hill and Mel Brookes styles.
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When I eat ________, I love to cover it in cheese! Nachos and pizza
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So what's on the menu for Thanksgiving? Well I hope I'm not using a menu, that would mean I am at the truck stop for Thanksgiving....lol Don't really know other then the usual stuff, we don't have one at our house because we have 3 different Thanksgivings (homes) to go to each year.
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Does it bother you that Steve Jobs will make more money while he's dead than you will in your lifetime? But can "HE" spend it? Does not bother me one iota.
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True or False: Your name has the letter "E" in it? False. No E at all in my first, middle or last name.
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Does Anyone have any awesome ideas for 50th birthday party GAG Gift? A banana warmer from Spencers.....
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Which teams will you never be a fan of? Why? Dallas Cowboys...When I lived in Texas I just got tired of everywhere you went you saw "Dallas Cowboy" stuff everywhere.
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What does it mean when Rose eats the woman you have just given her? Means Rose has a very large appetite.
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D is for ___________ dummies
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Why is the "bad" wind blowing? It's due to all the beans I ate yesterday.
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What did you do to my food....? Nothing...why?...does it taste funny?
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When's the last time you saw a squirrel? Just a little bit ago...I see them everyday in my yard.
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OH NO ITS __________________________!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH! Mr. Bill
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Dad, is that you??? I'm not sure, what is your Mothers name?
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When is it a good time to panic? Right after you hit the hornets nest with a baseball bat.
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Where in the world is ___________ Carmen Santiago?
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Will you meet me under the tree on Christmas? Ok, but there wont be much room under there for anything.....
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How chilly is it where you live right now? 42 and raining.....lousy cool day.
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What are two of your favorite sandwiches? Pastrami and Swiss on Rye with some horseradish. B.L.O.T (Bacon, lettuce, onion and tomato)
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Do you have teenagers? One who only has 3 months left to be a teenager.
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As a child growing up what food did you absolutely despise? Do you still despise it? Spam, Hominy, Peanut Butter....still wont eat it. Cottage Cheese, but eat it now.
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Lions and Tigers and Bears ____________! are getting some help from Jack Hanna.
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Do you eat any carnivorous animals? Alligator, rattlesnake, fish and snapping turtle...yup
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Why isn't your father an engineer? Because he was a Data Processor for N.A.S.A. before he retired in 1976.
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What were you fascinated with as a child? Reptiles and amphibians....I was always catching snakes, small alligators, lizards, frogs etc. and bringing them home. Mom was not to happy, but Dad didn't mind. I am still fascinated with them. I have snakes and Lizards now.
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E is for __________ Expeditional
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What's a bad thing for a man to bring on his honeymoon? Blow up doll
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Do you prefer albums or 8-tracks? Prefer albums, but back in my hay-days it was kinda hard to play an album in the car, so it was 8-track then.
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Why are cashiers always "checking me out" ? I'm not sure, but they sure know how to push the right buttons to make me pay up.
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What three letter word comes to your mind? Why?
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What is the most asked for item at American restaurants? A Menu
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If you were a spider in my home, where would you hide so that I wouldn't kill you? Good day everyone! Under the toilet seat.....
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Do you have conversations with grocery clerks? Well, living in such a small community I pretty much know all of the grocery clerks...so yes, yes I do.....
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Rats in the attic. How to get rid of them? Python's and Boa's will do the trick.
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What lyrics would you not put in a love song? Baby you're so whack, how about shaving my butt crack.
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Why is Mindfreak's nose so fat???? That's where he stores his illusions.
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Mowgli called last night, what did he say??? He asked if I wanted to go hang out with him, Bagheera and Baloo at the pub and have a few pints.
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How was your High School prom night? Mine was the worst night of my life sadly. Did not go...went skinny dipping with my girlfriend and several other friends instead...We had a hoot.
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My skinny jeans are so tight, everytime I wear them, ________? my voice raises several octaves.
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Welcome Back RoadWarrior!! :) Woo hoo!!! Let the party begin. Welcome back RoadWarrior!
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Wood you? I wood if I cood...that wood be good.
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Can spiders mate with octopi? Talk about eight legged freaks....
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What are the advantages of not wearing an underwear? Less laundry
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If you're sleeping on my bed, where am I suppose to sleep? I don't know, but here's a pillow...now let me sleep.
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What is your first thought when you hear a key turning in your front door? What the heck are they doing using a key, I never lock that door.
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How many months until your birthday? 6.....
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How many cars have you bought in your life? 14 cars 6 trucks 6 motorcycles
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What age were you when you got your first cell phone? I am 50, and have never had a cell phone.
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So, who won? The gingerbread man
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ee bhaasha AB yil aarkenkilum manasilaakunundo ? Gesundheit
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OK, who's the fool who used my brand new vacuum to ____________ ?! clean out the horse stalls.
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Are you getting any action? I get a lot of reaction when I ask for some action.
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Trust me , Im a ___________. Lawyer
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That is some heavy _______. That is some heavy sh*t right there.
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Tell me a great song I should listen to that most people have probably never heard. In Spite of Ourselves (John Prine)
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Should we pee on the fire? Sure, but I'm gonna stand back some...don't need a wienie roast.
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Why would anyone hook body cables to their jumper? For an electrifying experience.
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A zombie just ate your right arm. You are now hanging from a cliff ledge by your left arm and your butt starts to itch. What do Pass gas and hope that does the trick.
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The unconventional bride shocked everyone when she carried __________ down the aisle! a shotgun
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Do you think Bornabrit is really watching you? Her profile says so. Well I hope so, or all this laying around in the buff has been a waste of time.
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Let's _______ now and then _______later. do it do it again
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You're all time favourite double act? Mel Brooks and Harvey Korman
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What made you start? She said go......
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Should I be afraid if inanimate objects start talking to me? Only if you start talking back to them....
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Have you ever poked yourself in the eye? I blinded myself in my right eye for about 5 minutes many years ago by poking myself with my thumb. My second son was ready to be born and the nurse gave me some shoe covers to put over my shoes so that I could go into the delivery room. I told her that they were to small to cover my size 15 shoes, but she said do what you have to to get them on. Well....I tried to stretch them over my shoe...
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Can you hold your breath for one minute? I'm lucky if I can hold it for 30 seconds, pulmonary fibrosis sucks.
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Will you cover me?! I've got ya covered, now hurry up before the boss gets back.
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Will you cut me? Well if you drop an easy pop fly like that again, I may just have to.
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Is it broken? It's not broken, it has always hung to the left like that.
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Whatever happened to the boy in the bubble and the baby with the baboon heart? Not sure but, these are the days of miracle and wonder.....
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She gets _______ on a full moon. freaky
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Are you a billionaire? I was until I got married, now I'm just a millionaire.
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What advice would you like to give your doctor? Warm your damn hands up the next time before you give me a physical.
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What smell or smells are you likely to smell if you open your windows at home ? Country.....horses, cows, grain from the grain mill being transferred to the silos.......
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Its been a while since _____________________________ I've been ice fishing.
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Is a stick shift more enjoyable to drive than manual? Why? Manual (stick, or on the tree)
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Where were you on the night of August 15, 1972? It was a Tuesday, and depending on what time of the day it was..I was either in school or fishing on the beach.
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You just realized Bill "Bubba" Clinton moved in next door to you......you would _______ ? hide the cigars.
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THERE! WAS THAT HARD?! Yes it was, now put that thing away before you poke someones eye out.
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how many bananas? As Harry Chapin would sing "30,000 pounds of bananas"
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You hear gunshots at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning....what do you do? Wait for my neighbor to call me over to help dress the deer he just bagged.
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Do you believe everything you believe? I try really hard to believe everything I believe, but it's just so darn hard.
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Uuuuhhhh, what are these five things growing on the end of my hand? They weren't there yesterday, heeeelllllpppppp! You've been playing with toads again haven't you? Must be warts.
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Congratulations! You just crossed the line. Where have you stepped into? The twilight zone
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How many foods do you have left? Enough to feed a small army.
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When the media do straw polls, where do they get the straws? Off of Juicy Juice boxes.
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My current cellphone is so old, I need to ____ before I can make a call or send a text. wind the rubber band
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Have you ever done it in a closet? Heck no, to many skeletons in there.
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Where is Little Bunny Foo Foo? Looking for the field mice
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What's that __________ for? thingamajiggy
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Its difficult to eat when there's ________________ in my mouth. no teeth
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In your opinion, what do you think? What does this have to do with the price of beans in Sangamon County Illinois?
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Other than walking, many antropologists believe this was early man's first mode of transportation. What is it? Taxiosaurus
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What would Chuck Norris do if he met a bear in the woods? S**t in the woods?
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Tell me a story? This one time in band camp.............
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Why didn't you come to my bar mitzvah? Oh sorry, I thought you said come to my Bar Mister.....
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If I remove the bath from my bathroom, what is that room then called? Outhouse
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Why would anyone want a monkey for? To fling poo at unwanted guests...
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A woman in the bed is worth two in the _____. Divorce Court
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If your a fan of baseball which team do you think will win the World Series? I'm kinda of torn.....I was a Texas Rangers fan back in the 70's early 80's until I moved to Illinois and got married....She was a big Cardinal fan, I became a Cardinal fan. So...I would love to see the Rangers and Cardinals play in the World Series...but.....I guess really, I would have to lean to the Cardinals.
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Have you ever broke a tooth on anything? Several....jawbreakers are my downfall.
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We are _____? family
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What springs to mind when I mention the word speedy? Speedy Gonzales Cartoons
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when was the last time you went skinny dipping was it lone or with someone and who Couple of months ago in the father in laws pond....just me, the ole lady and the fish.
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How do you keep your mind off sex? Keep snapping my fingers with a mouse trap.
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See you at ________________ just don't bring ______________ ? the submarine races your husband
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What is your favorite word starting with G? Gargantuan
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Do you go to the theatre to see movies anymore or do you wait for the DVD? I personally I wait for the DVD and watch movies at home. I like being able to hit pause to grab a snack or go to the bathroom. Also quick rewind is nice. Not to often, it all depends if the granddaughters are here or not.
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Do You Eat Untill Your Full, Or Do You Finish Whats On Your Plate? I do. I have a motto here at my house. Take all you want, but eat all you take.
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What is a "must have" in your kitchen? Hot Peppers and or Hot Sauce
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What's your favorite Hostess snack food? That's hard...I love lots of them. Suzie Q's, Ho Ho's, Ding Dongs, Zingers, Twinkies and the Hostess Cupcakes.
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have you ever had an obsession with a celebrity? who? I've had a crush on Jodi Foster since my early teenage years, 35 plus years.
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What things do you do/have done under the influence alcohol? that cost you in one way or another? Years ago it caused me to lose my clothes and dance on the pool table....I was the butt of all jokes for quite awhile.
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What is something that you would NOT want someone to know about you? I wouldn't want anyone to know that _______when__________and the _________is over.
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Do you even listen to the Miranda Rights when you are spread eagled? I wait till the cavity search.
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Say, bye bye _______________. Say bye bye to your WiFi
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Name something short and round. ________ Marbles
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Thunder only happens when it's raining, players only love you__________________. when they're playing
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What is the best name for an adorable black male puppy? Onyx
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When would you think someone has really, really bad hygiene? When the flies wont have anything to do with you.
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Why, I oughta ________. whip ya till ya bleed.
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Patti Jo bacame a "GENIUS" today,can we all congratulate her? Congrats Patti Jo!
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Someone once told me ________. "You better shop around"
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Are you too much to handle? Nah, I'm just right.
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Have you ever pointed a gun at someone? Paintball, water and rubber band guns yes...a real gun, no.
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I really need to spend more time_______________________? getting my health back.
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Picture _______________________ with a Kodak! is worth a thousand words
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I am pregnant. Should I get a nintendo? Better get two, you're gonna have twins.
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Saturday Night's Alright For ____________________________? fighting
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What can you not conquer? Mt. Everest....Lungs wont let me.
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Have you ever been a fair-weather fan? Dolphin's fan since the 60's...that tells all...
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What should you should do if you see someone foaming at the mouth? Ask if you can have one of his alka seltzer tablets to foam along with him.
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Why are there no slow food restaurants? We have a so called fast food restaurant near us that has got to be the slowest fast food restaurant in the world. The Hardee's in a town near us takes so long to get you your food that I refuse to eat there.
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how ticklish are you on a scale of 1 to 10? 1, There is only one spot that I am ticklish at, and only one special person knows where that is.
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Guys while using the bathroom to release your bowels, do you hold/keep your penis inside to toilet or do you leave it out? I throw mine over my shoulder....that water is cold.
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Whats the difference between a Koala and a Cola ? Where the beverage is dispensed from.
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The one and only Bornabrit has become a Swami today. Who wants to congratulate her? Congrats my friend Bornabrit.....
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How old were you when you got your first job. Either full or part time? 8yrs old. Cleaning horse stalls.
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If eating chocolate actually did the same for you has having sex would you give up sex or eat a lot more chocolate:-) Sex has no calories...chocolate does. I'm sticking with sex.
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What will you have in your omelet? tomato, onion, jalapeno, mushroom and pepper jack cheese.
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Anyone love sour kraut? What do you like to have with it? On hot dogs, brats, kielbasa etc, and straight from the container.
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what happens if you swallow a chewing gum? You blow bubbles out your butt.
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Someone at the cereal company is in big trouble! The prize in my cereal box is a ________________ ! Ex-Lax pill
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What are you afraid of when it comes to women? Headaches
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What's your favorite word to use? No s**t
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What are your views on Tattoos ? Would you ever get one ? I have many...Just remember, the only difference between tattooed people and non-tattooed people is.... ....Tattooed people don't care if you're not tattooed.
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Who likes Okra? I do, my favorite way is stewed with tomatoes, onions and bell pepper.
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Did you ever watch "All MY CHILDREN"? On TV for 41 years? The closest thing to a soap opera I ever watched for more than 5 minutes was Falcon Crest...so...No, never watched All My Children.
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I try to avoid_________________? heated confrontations.
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What helps you give someone your undivided attention? Being handcuffed to the bed.
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This may still be able to be salvaged all we need ____________ ? is some tongue depressors and super glue.
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my life ________________? is a never ending story.
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What are some signs that you are not welcome somewhere? When a gun is pointed at you.
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Have you had any of these three today: chicken, pot or pie? No...Chicken yesterday, but no pie...and no pot for many many years.
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You know it's time to leave the _______ when _______. bedroom the husband shows up.
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If you are having a salty snack, do you have to follow it up with a sweet one ? You know you have to balance it out ....! I don't always follow up, but I do have the craving.
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What is your favorite kind of pizza? I like cheeeeeessseeeee. Veggie....Red onion, green pepper, black and green olives, mushrooms, jalapenos, tomato and pepper rings.
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Are there any areas on your body where you don't feel a thing? Three middle toes on my right foot. Had surgery for Mortons Neuroma and have lost feeling in the three middle toes. Very hard to use nail clippers, almost always cutting to close.
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Have you been advised on what to do next by your tape worm? To stay away from the Ghost Chili's, it gives them heartburn.
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When the world gives you too much ____, fertilize your neighbors flowers. crap
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Is Moo Shu Pork a martial art? I think so..it could make your pupu (s)platter.
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What's your purview? This question is outside my purview
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Where would you not go alone? Lover's lane
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What is the current time and temperature in your city? 8:59 and 55 degrees
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What do you do when you become constipated? Push, grunt and moan.
| 4 people like this
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Would you drive this car to get 258 mpg? I don't think I'd be able to fit into it. Ugly lil booger it is.
| 1 person likes this
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Doctor, I get this terrible pain every time I stick an axe in my head. What would you recommend I should do? Take two Asprin's and ax me again in the morning.
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Something that I HAVE to do everyday that I really dont like to do is_________? my nebulizer treatment.
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why you look me like that? ;-) Uh, you just came out of the bathroom didn't you?...you have toilet paper dragging behind you.
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What should never need a sign stating "This Side Up" ? Beer mug
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When is the last time you held a beautiful baby in your arms? Well, if you are talking about an actual baby....Yesterday evening, holding my great niece.
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Besides tires, what are things people like to keep spare(s) of?? Shoes
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Just wondering....How many speeding tickets you have had since the day you started driving? Can you even remember what age you were when you got it/them? 35 years of driving and 2 speeding tickets. Last ticket was over 15 years ago.
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How do you imagine aliens would pee? I don't know, but I refuse to shake their hand.
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What was the last mistake that you made? Putting to much Jolokia pepper in the fritter mix. The next morning was horrible.
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Truth or consequence? We are playing the game. Truth or Consequences New Mexico
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What’s the difference between a thin pig and a fat pig besides weight? $2.59 a pound
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Ring it to get in a bordello. (8 letters) Doorbell
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What were your highest and lowest salaries made in life? Lowest $2.75 Highest $34.80
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Men: At what age, did you finally master the "unhook the bra" challenge? honestly? :-) Honestly?...still haven't
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Why do some guys use the urinal instead of the stall to go poo? Uh, the Bidet was occupied? Have never known anyone to poo in a urinal.
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Do you look back on your high school years fondly or not? Not to fondly, ....went to 3 different high schools due to fathers job and did not have much time to really settle in.
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Are you wearing your hard hat today? (Satellite showers) No, just carrying my catchers mitt.
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Do you like to eat cold pizza for breakfast? I'm in. Any time we have left over pizza, it gets eaten for breakfast.
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are cream filled donuts better than donuts with holes? If it is Bavarian cream filled....I believe so.
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September is not the month to _______. go ice fishing.
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What are some things that should not be shared? used condoms
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Do vegans have barbeque parties? I'm sure they do, many vegetables are great on the grill.
| 5 people like this
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I once was without toilet paper so I used ______. the torn sleeve from my shirt.
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After the drugs wear off __________. the hospital will present me with the bill.
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Have you ever killed an animal to eat? Plenty of times, gotta feed the family.
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did you smile this morning? I did, but not until the little lady asked "Who farted".....
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I am not crazy, I am just a little ________. tea pot
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Is your bathroom haunted? I think so, there has been a lot of weird crap going on in there.
| 2 people like this
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Is there any history of sanity in your family? If you take this straight jacket off of me I will tell you.
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Will you go already?! Hold your horses there XT, making a move in chess takes time.
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Have you ever chased the postman along the street and bitten him for apparently no reason? No, I always have a reason to bite him...one more piece of junk mail and he's getting it again.
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When you buy a new chair or couch/sofa, do you jump up on it, walk around in a circle 3 times and then sit down? Not until after I lift my leg and pee on the corner so that everyone else knows that this is my couch.
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There is NO way I will EVER be spotted driving ___________ ! in East St. Louis at night
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Do you like French people? I have no reason to dislike them, but I have only known two people from France, and I like them both.
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Love this song? Love...No, but do like it. Brings back many memories....
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I'm not _____________________. Lisa (Jessi Colter)
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_____nuts Grape
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There is NO way I will EVER be spotted driving ___________ ! a Moped
| 2 people like this
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What are those strange markings on the wall? That's what happens when you catch an intruder off guard....
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What would happen if I eat too much of her vegetables? You might just get forked.
| 1 person likes this
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What is a werid question for me to ask my boyfriend Is the grass always greener over the septic tank?
| 4 people like this
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Can you name a gift that keeps on giving? Herpes
| 2 people like this
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At what places would you find a lot of nervous people?? Maternity ward
| 4 people like this
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Question seven in a set of nine. Would you be kind enough to tell me the name of an animal whose name contains 9 letters? Albatross
| 1 person likes this
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Penultimate Numbertime animal item: would you be kind enough to give me the name of an animal whose name contains ten letters? Salamander, Chimpanzee. Chinchilla
| 1 person likes this
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Last but not least in this category, would you be kind enough to give me the name of an animal whose name contains 11 letters or over? Mistletoebird
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I got a ticket to ride.....where should I go ? "Last Train to Clarksville"
| 3 people like this
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Whats something an adult should know how to do? Read and write
| 3 people like this
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Name an animal with 7 letters. Panther
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Fourth-last question in this category. Name an animal whose name contains 8 letters. Aardvark
| 1 person likes this
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What foods do kids eat more than adults? Animal crackers
| 3 people like this
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What's something you should never take on your honeymoon? Farm animals
| 5 people like this
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What is going to happen on 11.11.11? According to my calendar, nothing...but there is still plenty of time for something to be going on. Just another Friday.
| 3 people like this
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What's a good excuse for canceling an appointment with your dentist? Forgot I had a Proctologist appointment.
| 5 people like this
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What is a really bad job for someone who is accident prone?? A butcher
| 9 people like this
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Can you think of something that still exists, but it isn't quite how you remember it in your childhood? Freedom
| 1 person likes this
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Why did you pull my pants down?! They had been hanging on the clothes line long enough and it was getting ready to rain...just trying to help out.
| 3 people like this
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Anyone else watch the Charlie Sheen roast? Do you think comedian Amy Schumer went to far with what she said about Steve-O? It's typical roasting...No holds barred. Tasteless maybe, but??????
| 1 person likes this
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14 bottles of wine for 8 dollars? Have you ever heard of such a great deal?!? Boone's Farm Tickled Pink early/mid 1970's, 75 cents a bottle.... so $10.50 for 14 bottles. Some called it a wine, I thought of it as more like koolaide with a punch.
| 1 person likes this
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Name a place you would visit where you're not allowed to touch anything?? Missile launch facility control room
| 4 people like this
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What is something you try to get rid of but always seems to come back? Weight
| 3 people like this
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You step out of the shower/bath, look at your naked self in the mirror & your immediate thoughts are.....? What are you looking at?
| 4 people like this
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Do you eat your veggies? Sure do, and I even usually end up eating the grand children's veggies too....
| 1 person likes this
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Do you live in a small town or a big city? Quite small...under 300 people.
| 1 person likes this
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Part 4. Name an animal containing 6 letters. Magpie
| 1 person likes this
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I call you a witch.....you in turn would _________ ? ask if you would like a bite of my Eye Of Newt sandwich.
| 6 people like this
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Name something you prefer to NOT purchase used. Toilet Paper
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What would happen if you put an elephant in your freezer? Hi, XT! Elephantpops
| 3 people like this
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New series now. The first of 9. Name an animal containing 3 letters. Cow
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Second question in a set of 9. Name an animal containing four letters. Lynx
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Third question in a set of 9. Name an animal containing 5 letters. Dingo
| 2 people like this
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Men: What do you think women complain about the most? Headaches.....as in "Not tonight honey, I have a headache".
| 3 people like this
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If someone put candy coated bugs into ice cream, would you try it? Even a spoonful? I'd try almost anything once, so sure....
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What should not be hard? scrambled eggs
| 1 person likes this
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Love and marriage go together like ____________? a cooler full of microbrew.
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Your friend dreamed of growing hairs all over her body, asking you what it meant, so you said _______________________ at least you wont have to dress up for Halloween.
| 1 person likes this
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What would you use against a killer bunny? A killer Beagle
| 2 people like this
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What is the first thing that comes to when I say; Drake the WARECAT? Whodat Warecat?
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What are people going to do? They're just going to keep on keeping on....
| 1 person likes this
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It's a ___________ day . Fri
| 1 person likes this
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You can take me to _______, but please do not get me _______. the wood shed excited
| 6 people like this
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If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, say a bad word. Go on, I dare ya! isang masamang salita
| 1 person likes this
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Have you ever enjoyed watching submarine races? ;) Oh yes, especially when she says...dive, dive, dive.....
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The do-dad with the weird thingy fell off the whatchamacallit onto the thingamabob. That explains why ___________. the whohawdilly went fliggleflackin.
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What is it that drives you crazy? This darn pesky fly that just wont leave me alone.
| 1 person likes this
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Why can't you just admit that I'm right? Because your wrong.
| 1 person likes this
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I told everyone "Don't drink the water". but now look! Little Jimmy turned into a ___________ ! blob of gelatinous goo...
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Has anyone ever told you that you were a little kinki? Ehhh.....boarderline.....
| 2 people like this
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Where did Puff live? He lived in Puff Puff Pass.
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Are the moon is the mars face of last times from aliens? Ground control to Major Tom.......
| 3 people like this
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What was the last concert you saw? Steve Miller Band, many years ago.
| 2 people like this
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What does a night out with the girls/guys do for you? It usually makes me wake up with a headache....
| 1 person likes this
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What is the name of the closest bar/pub/tavern/club to your house? The closest would have to be the American Legion post #932. There are 3 drinking establishments all within about 1 1/2 blocks of each other...and this is in a town of 300 people.
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Whats the name of your favorite bar? Hi Benders
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What would you do if I told you I was gonna give you a "Dutch Oven" I guess either I will be cooking a nice roast or holding my nose.
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Do you know the way to _______________? Tucumcari
| 1 person likes this
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What person do you communicate with at least once a day? (email, phone or text) My granddaughters
| 1 person likes this
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I don't care if Godzilla is coming! I'm not leaving until ________ . King Kong shows up
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Whats the one thing you will NOT have in your bedroom? A Boeing 747-8
| 3 people like this
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Would you drink unpasteurised ‘raw’ milk? I have plenty of times. One of the bonuses you get growing up on a farm.
| 3 people like this
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What's so wrong with living on the 13th floor, or in Room 13?? Nothing at all unless you are superstitious. The Munsters loved it so much that they lived on 1313 Mockingbird lane.
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Do you have a favorite shirt? Can you describe it? A wet one :-)
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What is your favorite spoonerism? Was it someone close to you or something you read or heard? Uh,..nucking futs
| 1 person likes this
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If you can't _________ then you can't ________ stand the heat stay in the kitchen
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What will happen if _________________ ? I put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp, or put the ram in the rama lama ding dong
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Can you jog? I can for just s bit, the lungs wont let me get far.
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Can you light my fire? Sure, let me get my flame thrower going.
| 6 people like this
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Worst. _______. Ever. case scenario
| 4 people like this
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Hold the _______, please. bull crap
| 8 people like this
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Do you consider yourself to be a Good cook,bad cook,Gourmet cook or other? I consider myself a decent cook, everyone that knows my cooking says I'm a great cook. They say that I am my own worst critic.
| 2 people like this
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A friend in need is a _____. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
| 3 people like this
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When is someone to old to ask others to "Pull their finger" ?? When they are laying in a casket 6 feet under.
| 10 people like this
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Do you have pets that get jealous when you pay a bit of attention to another? I have 4 dogs, and if you pet one, you have to pet them all....they are all very jealous.
| 1 person likes this
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Just once in my life I'd like to find ___________ in my mailbox ! no junk mail
| 1 person likes this
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Why do mermaids wear seashells? To give their friends the hermit crab a place to hang out in.
| 2 people like this
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Hey,can you give me a ride to___________________? Tucumcari
| 1 person likes this
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What did your momma tell you when you were growing up? Mama told me not to come She said, that ain't the way to have fun, son
| 3 people like this
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What do you call it when you lose electricity? E.g. black-out, power outage, power cut, etc. Here we say "There goes another fried squirrel".
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Close your eyes and I'll ___________ you. mesmerize
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Look out your window, what do you see & hear? I see only trees I hear crickets and birds. All I see are horses, rain and trees, I hear crickets, frogs,rain falling and horses neighing every now and then.
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Can you open______________ for me? thanks. this can of pickled peppers
| 1 person likes this
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whats that huge ___________growing on you? third leg
| 2 people like this
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Once a ________ always a __________? Once a sunrise, always a sunset
| 4 people like this
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How Big, Is A Big Foot? Well mine could be, 15EE, but I know there are bigger feet out there.
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Was Pee Wee's Playhouse racist cuz of the genie? Let's ask Jambi.... Mecka-Lecka-Hi-Mecka-Hiney-Ho......Jambi says no.
| 1 person likes this
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What's One Cheese You Refuse To Eat? Casu marzu and Limburger
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Can you name something that can be acquired but cannot be taught? The taste for certain foods
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What makes you happy today? Seeing my friend Cotton alive and well.
| 5 people like this
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The last thing I bought at walmart was a ____________? prescription from the pharmacy.
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Complete the following sequence: 1, 2, ?, 4, 5, 6, 7. Green light, red light.
| 1 person likes this
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Why are you yelling at me?! Well, you did tell me to yell if I needed you.
| 2 people like this
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Why are you scaring my kids? Sorry, was practicing for Halloween....
| 2 people like this
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What is a hair pie? It's kinda like shepherds pie, finger licking good.
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What is something you don't like if it is not big? Bank account
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Why would somebody drink alcohol for breakfast? Because they are my first ex wife......
| 2 people like this
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who will my husand be? Not I....sorry, already taken.....
| 3 people like this
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Who wants to toss the literal salad? I will, should go well with the steaks tonight.
| 3 people like this
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Who wants to take the long way home? Lonely days turn to lonely nights, you take a trip to the city lights, and take the long way home.
| 3 people like this
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What is getting worse as you age? Arthritis.......
| 3 people like this
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What's the most disturbing show you have ever seen? Barney the Dinosaur
| 2 people like this
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What food/dish makes you release gas? I don't need a food or a reason to release gas, but...red meat and beans really help out.
| 5 people like this
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Have you ever sat on the pot and then was bitten by a snake coming out of the sewer? No, but did used to have to flush the toilet before you sat down just to make sure nothing did show up. I have seen small fish in the toilet, but that was it. We lived in Florida right next to a swamp back in the 60's.
| 3 people like this
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When would it be wise to keep your mouth shut? When under water and needing oxygen.
| 3 people like this
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You wanna roll with me?! Let's roll.........
| 2 people like this
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I was told on AnswerBag that I was pregnant, turns out it was just a beer belly. Who can I sue? Anheuser Busch
| 1 person likes this
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How many cans of beer do you want? I'll take 36 that way I will have enough to last till next week....
| 2 people like this
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what will cause you NOT to want to eat? 2 pitchers of beer.
| 4 people like this
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First, ________. Then, ___________. First comes love, then comes marriage.
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Do you have any nicknames for any of your exes? I gave my first ex wife a nickname of "Life", because life is a b**ch.
| 2 people like this
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Are you now or have you ever been a cow tipper? Never thought of tipping a cow after milking her...huh, but I usually gave them some hay afterwards.... Nope, never been cow tipping.
| 2 people like this
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If I drive my car at 90mph at a police roadblock will it fly up into the sky like it did on The Dukes of Hazzard tv show? As long as you don't miss the ramp it should.
| 3 people like this
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What springs to mind when i mention the word turquoise? American Indian Jewelry
| 2 people like this
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No shirt, no _______, no __________! No shirt, no pants, no dignity.
| 6 people like this
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Home _________ . Home errrrr Simpson
| 2 people like this
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Cold _______, warm _______ . Cold beer, warm piss.
| 5 people like this
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When does YOUR imagination run away with you? When asleep and dreaming.
| 3 people like this
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His steak was so rare that ...............? That is basically how I order my steaks...I always tell the waiter/waitress when asked how I want my steak "If you can get it to the vet in time to save its life, that's how I want it". His steak was so "Rare" that the diner was arrested for serving endangered species.
| 2 people like this
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As a child, how obedient where you? On a scale of 1-10 (10 =really good 1=really bad ) :-) I would have to say a good 8.
| 2 people like this
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Why didn't I get a Christmas gift from you last year? You know how snail mail is...You might just get it by next Christmas.
| 2 people like this
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why does my grandpa wear a belt even though he does not have to Never know when you will need a tourniquet, or a weapon....
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Guys, when you go to a puiblic restroom, do you use the high, medium or low urinal? I like to try each one out...kinda like marking my territory.
| 2 people like this
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I'd rather get naked than__________________. run through a cactus field barefoot, ouch, could you imagine all those little pricks....from the cacti?
| 2 people like this
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Is anybody else having trouble breathing? Lets see, Pulmonary Fibrosis, Asthma and Chronic Bronchitis, nah....same ole breathing troubles as usual.
| 1 person likes this
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What is something you shouldn't do at the zoo? Jump around like a chimpanzee and throw your poop at the visitors.
| 9 people like this
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Well, It is Time to Say Good-Bye, Folks.. Take care RoadWarrior!
| 13 people like this
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"I am _________." I am Ironman...er, I mean Ironhead!
| 2 people like this
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Would you rather have your burger grilled or fried? Grilled, but still rare.
| 4 people like this

Ironhead's Answers. Enough to fill a bag.

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