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Received W.O.W. for Christmas. What should I know before playing as a total noob? Any tips or important advice? Hints secrets? I got my copy for my birthday a couple months ago. If you've ever played an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, for those uninitiated) then there won't be much new here. It holds your hand a good way into the game. I would suggest starting off in the Tutorial area though. Oh, and RTFM!! (Read The F**king Manual.) I got a little tired of the hack and slash after a month or...

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ok.. it is Christmas day.. what are you doing on line?? The presents have all been opened. The wife and kids are heading off to see the chipmunks movie and I'm going to settle down in front of the Blu-ray player with one of my new gifts!!

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What do David Koresh, Timothy Mcveigh, and Jim Jones have in common? There were all card-carrying members of HONJ (The Hallowed Order of Nut Jobs.)

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OMG - I am struggling with this new style, how long did it take you to get used it this new layout? I've really tried to keep an open mind about this, but I'm having a lot of trouble with the new layout. I used to like to pop into the site now and then, rattle off a few answers, check to see if I had any comments (which you could tell right on the home page) and move on about my day. The new layout is making it much more difficult for me to enjoy the site like I used to.

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+6 If you were in high school, what is a CLUB you would wish you could join? If I could go back to high school and join any club it would have to be Drama Club. All the hot girls were in the Drama Club!

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Are people who make horrible mistakes able to come out good people or will others expectations of them drive them to be bad people? The horrible mistake itself does not create the bad person. How that person responds AFTER the horrible mistake will dictate whether people consider them good or bad. I've made more than my share of horrible mistakes, but I spent a good deal of time attempting to atone for them. Most people I know generally consider me a good person...I hope!

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You're an apple, how far from the tree did you fall? Initially I dropped and stayed, but eventually I started to roll and have started my own orchard.

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What do you think of the name Chad? A little too '80's "Orange County" for me.

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What is a good Christmas present? The wife telling me that the kids are staying at her parents house tonight. Break out the Viagra and Vic's Vapor Rub!! We got us a BIG night planned!!

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What comes to mind when I say: Facal hair? Firstly I want to know where my "facal" is and why is there hair on it.

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What is the worst storm you remember? Winter 1974 in Connecticut. An ice storm lasted two days and brought EVERYTHING down. Nobody could go anywhere because there was 4" of ice on everything. The power was out for two weeks. I was 9 years old and considered it the grandest adventure of my young life...my parents, not so much.

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Do you plan your life around a tv show or the internet? What's this "life" thing I keep hearing about. I'll look it up on the internet and get back to you.

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Have the poeple who say it's as hard as "Finding a needle in a haystack" never heard of a magnet and a match? I hate writing "LOL" since I think it's grossly overused, but this question actually made me laugh outloud, so points up to you my friend for starting my day off well.

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What is a stupid way you've heard people die? Anything that follows the phrase, "Hold my beer. I wanna try somethin'."

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Do you regret the first person that you slept with? Absolutely not! I was clumsy and it was really cold out, but I will never forget her or the neighbors picnic table on which we acheived nirvana. But to be honest there wasn't alot of sleeping involved.

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How do you feel about celebrities posing nude for magazine Scarlett Johannsen - YAY!! Rosie O'Donnell - NAY!!

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What's one movie you wish you never sat through? The Story Of Us. That was the last time I sat through a movie she suggested just to get some later on.

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If you just found out you had a 5 year old granddaughter, what would you do? I would ground my 7 year old.

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Did your parents always know when you were lying to them? Absolutely. As an only child (and not even a pet in the house to blame) if a lamp got broken, they know who did it. That's why I still can't lie convincingly to this day. All that being said, please don't anger me because I have super powers. See?? Still doesn't work.

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I live with my bf of 5 years. I asked him if I was the one for him and he said he's "not 100% sure but doesn't know who he'd marry if he didn't marry me". Would you say it's time to move on right now? I'm not sure I want to marry him anymore. I'm 26. Us men have a saying: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Please understand, I'm not comparing you to farm animals but it sounds to me as if he's waiting around until that really good one comes along. He looks at you like a live-in booty call. Deep breath, pack up and move on. Be strong and good luck.

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Do you believe colors can effect your life? Absolutely. When I see red in my bank account it definitely affects my life.

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What would be the reason behind a three year old still forming her sentences in third person format? Serious answers only please. Every book I've ever read about child development (and believe me, my wife bought them ALL) says that all children develop different language skills and traits at varying times. They adopt certain language patterns based on their environment so I wouldn't worry too much. Both my daughters began using "I" shortly after they started daycare and hanging out with other kids....

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MEN: Seriously now. . . . . .you're walking down a street and a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN catches your eye. You fantasize KISSING HER when "lo and behold" she stops right in front of you, puts her arms around you, and begins kissing you madly! What WOULD you do? Kiss her back and then tell my wife standing there that we should move to this town because the people are SO friendly. And then attempt to walk normally with a raging case of "Tripod Pants."

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What animal best describes your employer? I am currently unemployed so I would have to say the extinct Dodo.

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Who had or has the best mustache in world sport? Mark Spitz!

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True or False? You are tired of hearing (and talking) about the year 2012. True. But it doesn't matter because there have been prophecies like this going on since I was a kid. Every time one comes and goes there's an "Oh well" period and then we're on to the NEXT big apocalypse date. The next one will be based on an ancient Samoan text found carved on the outside of a coconut which states that the earth will end in 2018 and that the...

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Has anyone ever asked you "who do you think you are?" How did you answer that question? Yes I have and my answer was, "I'm your boss and you're still fired."

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Don't yer just hate those worn out Christmas Songs playing in the Supermarket? I wouldn't mind it so much if someone would write some new ones. I was in retail for 16 years so I got tired of Christmas songs in 1984. I got tired of Christmas itself shortly thereafter. The only thing that makes it fun for me now is that both of my kids are in that "sweet spot" in which they are blissfully unaware that their bikes are being put together not by elves but...

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Over the river and through the woods to.... Where would this take you? Well, let's see here. The closest river is the San Gabriel River. The only forest on the other side of that is a copse of trees. Once you get through those you come to the Vulcan Materials Company Mine. As much as I'd like to take some Thanksgiving dinner to those guys, I'm allergic to ore dust, so I think it's best for me to stay right here and let Grandma come to me.

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IF your s/o told you it was OK to go out and have an affair ; would you? No. First of all I'm in love with a woman that is disease-free. Who knows what kind of crotch-funk I'd pick up in an affair. Secondly, I can barely afford the woman I have. I'm supposed to add another?? Lastly, I can belch, fart and scratch at will without so much as a raised eyebrow from my good lady wife. I don't think I can hold all that in long enough to...

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What were you brought up to believe happens to a person when they die: if good they go right to heaven and if bad they go to hell, they go to a place (e.g. limbo, purgatory) to await Judgment Day, that they are dead and aware of nothing, or something els My parents taught me that many people believe many different things. Some believe in a heaven and hell, some believe that there is nothing after we die. Given this broad base on which to build my own assumptions gave me a more open mind to a vast array of possibilities. I don't necessarily buy into the whole "heaven and hell" concept. I DO believe in an...

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Have you ever played the Bagpipes? I tried once. I'm of Scottish descent and my uncle had some. I never gave those guys enough credit. They are REALLY hard to play.

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How would u respond if ur co-worker gave you (and only you) a CD of songs he produced at his other job? Why do that anyway? I had a co-worker give me a CD that he wrote, produced, directed and performed. It was him, a guitar and a Valium. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... I thanked him and told him it was great. It wasn't. It made Norah Jones sound like an acid vomit rocker.

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If you were the Virgin Mary, would you have said NO? Getting a high hard one from an omnipotent being? Sounds like she'd be walking funny for days with a sh*t-eating grin on her face. Can you imagine poor Joseph getting sloppy seconds from the Lord? Talk about performance anxiety!

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There are 3 rooms: ONE: has a bunch of people dancing and drinking; TWO: has a bunch of people discussing LIFE and "deep thoughts" about it; THREE: has a bunch of people playing "board" games! You're invited to enter the one of YOUR choice! Choose? Board games!! I'll take "Ancient Cultures" for $200, Alex.

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Do you pray to your "Higher Power" before you go to bed every night? No. I have an ongoing dialogue with my HP so it's not reserved for just night time. If something cool happens, I say "Thanks." If something messed up happens I ask, "WTF??"

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Hey, libreals, you have anouther hero to worship, his name is Scott Fenstermaker, how much will libreals worship this fool? I'm not much for worshiping people except for my kids. I'd never heard of him until I looked him up to answer your question. For me, being a social liberal has limits. Defending terrorists goes beyond that limit. Kill 'em all.

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Do you know how to suppress a sneeze? I tried once. I still can't find my left eye. I think it rolled under the credenza.

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Is Wikipedia an NSA or CIA 'plant' to help control the population through misinformation? ;-) I looked up your question on Wikipedia and it says no. I hear and obey. Wait...what was I talking about. I hate it when I lose time like that!

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Can a bump behind my ear be cancer? A bump behind the ear can be pretty much anything. Have a doctor look at it.

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Where can I watch New Moon online high quality? Bad pirate! No cookie.

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Where are you right now, the place and state? At home in Southern California, 22 miles northeast of Los Angeles near the intersection of the 605 and 210 freeways and about two blocks from Route 66.

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Does prison actually "rehabilitate" anyone? The standard U.S. prison isn't designed to rehabilitate. It's designed to separate convicted criminals from the rest of society for a given amount of time. Recidivism rate in the States stands at about 70%. A few programs here and there have been instituted to teach convicts marketable skills, but these are usually the first to go during budget cuts.

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Do you prefer the person your with/married to have short or long? Short hair, long legs. Short skirts, long fingernails. Short memory, long tongue. I think we'll leave it there for now. I don't like where this is heading.

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Did your parents know when you lost your virginity? My mom never found out before she died, but I told my dad a few years ago. When I told him I was 14, he gave me a high five for some reason.

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Why is it you cant sleep? I've been out of work since April. I'm a little concerned about what the future holds. That keeps me up at night. ...also World of Warcraft.

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What are you doing for Veteran's Day 2009? Continue looking for a job. It's tough being a Web Producer and Online Project Manager in a city with 12% unemployment.

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Are fears of rising sea levels from global warming overstated? I honestly don't know who to believe anymore. When I was a kid, they were worried about the next ice age. Could things have changed that drastically in 30 years?

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Boyfriend got mad cuse i put his lighter in the wrong spot he yelled at me left came back shoved my head which hit my infant sons head who i was holding later he pulled my hair twisted my arm then tells me its my fault. can he be saved or should i run? You need to leave. If you won't do it for yourself, think of your son. Do you want your boy to grow up being beaten by this man? I don't care if he's the father or not. You need to go for the safety of yourself and your son. Be strong and get out while you're still in one piece. I wish you only the best of luck.

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To all men in their 20's that masturbate: are you aware that you're putting yourself at risk for prostate cancer? I got a specially designed white cane to fit into my hairy palms and now you're telling me I'm going to get cancer too?? Sh*t.

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I found out my seven year old son has watched porn. "Girls Gone Wild." I have always had the family computer set up with parental controls, however, he sneaked onto my laptop. What damage could have been done to his development? Just don't lose your mind over it and don't make a big deal out of it. I would suggest you gauge his reaction to what he saw and if he has questions answer them as best you can with respect to his age. This hits a little close to home for me since just yesterday my 7 year old daughter walked in on me when I was changing my clothes one morning (I'm her dad.) I made more of a...

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Why are some people ugly? Yeah. We should kill all the ugly people so only pretty people are allowed to live. I'll go ahead and lead the charge to create a list of ugly people. Let's see...I don't like fat people, so they have GOT to go. I don't like people with blond hair, they're next. Oh, I almost forgot about anybody with an accent or who doesn't speak English. Obviously they...

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How do you know if you're pregnant with a demon baby? Those horns and pointed tail start to develop around week 20 or so. And they HURT!!

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Would you be willing to pay $6000 for surgery if your 6-year old son needed an open heart surgery to survive? I can't imagine that this is a serious question. Either it was asked by someone who is not a parent, or it was asked by a parent who shouldn't BE a parent. I'm hoping this question is a joke.

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To all the parents, do you try to keep your child/children away from horror movies? Why or why not? I don't have to. My daughters want NOTHING to do with scary movies.

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Have you ever regretted letting someone go ahead of you in line? Oh, you mean the nice old lady that I let go ahead of me who waited until ALL her items were rung up before she started to dig around in her purse to find her wallet. And then proceed to inform the checkout lady that she only had out-of-state checks...and she didn't have any valid ID? No...no, not at all.

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I have been accepted to go onto Britains got tallent 2010 and I will be singing, I do not want to go as I am scared that my friends at school will tease me, should I go on or not? (2009-11-02) I had a choice to make much like this one about 20 years ago. I decided on the safe path and even though my life is now wonderful I constantly wonder...what if? If you even remotely think that you want a career as a singer, I say do it. What if you make it into the finals? Or, God forbid, what if you win? What will your friends say then? I know what you can say to them: "At least...

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Name 3 books you have read and really enjoyed. I am looking for something new to read! Two of them are older books: Strangers by Dean Koontz Swan Saong by Robert McCammon but the newest one that I'm just finishing is The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. THAT is really good!

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Since setting the clocks back - how long did that take you? how many did you have to reset? We've got a couple that change themselves but the others: microwave, wall clocks and bedside took about 5 minutes. I like leaving one or two unchanged just to screw with my wife when she wakes up. Oh, the hilarity.

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(Serious question) Is today Valentine's Day? Since I am coming to the party a little late, the answer is no. It is October 27th. This is however Independence Day for a couple of countries: Turkmenistan – Independence Day (from USSR, 1991) Saint Vincent and the Grenadines – Independence Day (from Britain, 1979) Now that I think about it, if you're in a relationship with the right person EVERY day is Valentines...

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Why is there enough religion in the world to incite war but not enough religion to install tolerance? The question of the millennium. +5

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Have you put your lawn mower up for the winter yet? Nope. Here in SoCal, there is no such thing as this "winter" I keep hearing about.

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Rocket ___________________? ...Jet Pack. Which we were supposed to have by now according to the scientists when I was a kid. I want my Rocket Jet Pack!

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What is the most important word Hello.

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If you used your printer to make a book cover to read "Atheist's Bible" and you went to read in a public place.. do you think you might draw some attention? Not sure why you got DR'd for this question, but here's a +5 troll inoculation. Oh, to answer your question: this is Southern California...as long as you're not burning puppies out of season, you're not going to get so much as a raised eyebrow.

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I have to go out of town for a funeral. There are two ways I can arrange my schedule. Option one has a hight probabilty of sleeping with two different women. Option two is spending the night at my mothers house. Which should I do? "Let's see, should I have Filet Mignon, or stale crackers for dinner...hmmmm."

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I am trying to split up with my partner. He's in denial & a financial mess. I agreed to stay till January while he sorts it out, but he's not doing anything. Can I morally leave now (even tho' he'll lose the house), or should I stick it out? Removing all emotion from the equation is easy for me since I don't know you. Reading in your question that you agreed to stay until January is fairly straightforward and I feel that even though you see no effort on his part, you should live up to your end of the bargain and stay until January. However, as one who has done his share of damage in the world, I can't fault you for...

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Can you sum up the bible in two words? Excellent allegories.

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Are you more Observer than Participant? Negative. I jump in...sometimes to my detriment.

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What comes to your mind when I say Sears? My first job at the Sears Catalog in Manchester CT, in 1983. Good times...good times.

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True or False: When you joined Ab, You asked a question first and then started answering. False. I started answering unanswered questions about "I found this pill..." After doing that for several months I started asking my own questions.

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"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." - Edward Abbey. What's your teamwork story to prove the Abbey Rule? War.

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What's one supposedly scary movie, that YOU didn't think, was? The Happening. What a waste of celluloid. M. Night blew his wad on The Sixth Sense and hasn't made anything worth watching since.

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Do you believe in miracles? Or have you had one happen to you? Yes to both. Miracles to me aren't what most people consider miracles. The standard miracle for me are small occurrences during the day that make my life better or happier. There are also the big ones and I've experienced one or two of those in my life as well. One odd one I just thought of. I love looking at the sunrise. And I've noticed that even though I'm...

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What is something that can be "served"? Revenge...cold.

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Is there someone on A/B that really irritates you! Not a specific person, but types of questions and responses bug me sometimes: I'm not a fan of the "text speak" on a site like this. If you're texting, fine but not here. (R U A h8r?) People who tell me I'm wrong when I give my OPINION on a subject. People who ask serious medical questions here. (I'm bleeding from both ears and I can't move my...

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Why didn't Bush get The Nobel Prize? After what I saw him do to that brush on his ranch during one of his 6,358 vacations during his presidency, I don't think so.

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Is it COLD enough for you today? After a few weeks of 110+ F temps, I'm really enjoying this cool down period. It's 9:09 am here in sunny Southern California, October 10, 2009 and the current temperature is 62.2 F.

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What's one thing your Momma always told YOU? It's going to be alright.

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What was the name of the show that has a lady named Marni, and there was also a muppet named Norbert.... It was called "Boomerang" and the lady you're referring to was Marni Nixon.

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What to you is more precious than gold? My daughter's laugh.

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I just bought cereal and bleach :P What weird combination of items have you purchased at a store? When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter she woke me up at 2am and told me to go to the store and buy her some marinara sauce, almonds and a flan. I didn't ask questions...and frankly I still don't want to know. But I did get a rather odd look from the checkout girl, even though she had the good sense not to say anything to a grumpy, sleepy-looking dude with pajamas...

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Wait... What did you call me?! I said, "What an ice hole!" I mean we're ice fishing and you cut the perfect hole in the ice so I was complimenting you.

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I am a gay black male and i am going to kill myself just a matter of when but my question is how dose one say good bye with out leaving clues? Without leaving clues to what? Are you saying that you want to meet your friends and family face-to-face to say good-bye without letting them know WHY you're saying good-bye? I don't know your situation but as a person that attempted suicide in 1992 let me give you a short list of the things that have happened since: Got sober Fell in love Got married My mom died Had 2...

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Have you had your annual influenza jab yet? Nah. I think I'll pass. I did take my girls down for theirs though.

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What creeps you out? The word "smegma".

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True or False:If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. True. You have to remember he's holding five Chuck Norris dollars. The exchange rate on those is through the roof!

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Does anyone feel sorry for people that complain because they have to financially take care of a child they helped create? Absolutely! I feel it right now. No, wait. Sorry, my mistake. It was just a little heartburn. Nope. Not a bit.

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I got my gf pregnant and i left her what should i do It depends on how old you are. If you're old enough to have a job, then it's your responsibility to assist financially with the raising of the child. Regardless of your age, you should reach out to the mother and offer your emotional support since she's definitely more scared than you are. All that being said, unless you grow up in a big f*cking hurry, you have no business...

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If you don't mind me asking, how did you get that scar on your leg? Playing "Ring-and-Run" at night. We rang somebody's doorbell and went to hid in his bushes, but there was a sprinkler head sticking up about a foot out of the ground that I cracked my leg on and opened up a nice little gash. Ten stitches and a cure for childhood pranks all in one night!

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There is a red liquid on you......,Oh my God!!!!!!...........What have you done..? That Kool-Aid sumbitch busted through one too many walls. I just painted that wall!! I cracked his pitcher with my Louisville Slugger and I'd do it again.

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If I threw a brick through your window, what would you do? Since they're brand new windows, I would come outside and give you your brick back...sideways.

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Whats the best way to attack creationists? Just give it a couple of eons...we'll evolve beyond them.

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Whats something you shouldn't put in a microwave? A golf ball. Wow, who knew it could go in so many different directions at once.

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Can you even prove you exsist? are you sure your not a dream of someone else :)? That would be fine with me. I'm obviously one of those dreams that has the person giggling in their sleep.

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While out in public, what numbers do you rarely see on a sports jersey that someone is wearing? When I was a kid I had a jersey (generic...no known team) that had the number "0 1/2".

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I f i burped really loud in front of you what would you do. I'd say, "Nice one!"

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What is your most wild theory? After we die we discover that life is just a game. We get to see how much we got right and how much we got wrong. We can hang out for a while in non-corporeal form or go back for another round, but if you go back your memory is wiped. I think the object of the game is to learn as much as you can and above all...BE NICE. Leave the world a little better than you found it.

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My boyfriend calls me babe, sweetheart and love. What are things i can call him that dont sound feminine? Stud Muffin Mr. Tripod Mr. Big Jeans You can start with those.

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Quick give me a Gi Joe, Barbie, Transformer or Pokemon memory.. This was all I ever wanted or needed when I was a kid, and the Christmas I got it I knew that if I died the next day, I would die happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxbW_BY4X80

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It aggrivats my nerves how my boyfriend goes through gallons of juice within days. I feel I shouldn't have to buy juice every other day. He feels I'm over reacting. What should I do? Stop buying it. Let him buy is own damn juice. He's a big boy.

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Have you ever been on an amusement park ride that scared you so bad you said, never again? I haven't been on a ride that scared me, but I have gone on a ride that injured me, so I made the commitment to never ride a cheap roller coaster at one of those county fairs ever again.

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Regardless of your religion, does anything make you more uncomfortable than a complete stranger saying "I'd like to talk to you about Jesus"? It used to, but I discovered a way to get them away from me and not denigrate them. I tell them this: "I have a deep faith that is deeply personal and not open for discussion." While this is true it also has the added benefit of saving me hours of listening to people tell me how my relationship with God is supposed to work and how I'm supposed to talk to him. Thanks, I...

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What is the weirdest (or most surprising) thing you have ever seen tagged with graffiti? If you write, what is the weirdest thing you have ever tagged? I don't mean the tag, but the thing that was tagged. I'm just stunned when I walk into a public bathroom that's been tagged. Especially in one of the stalls. As if someone is proud of it. "This is MY stall, bitches!! You betta testify!"

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Do you know anyone who goes by the name "Jimbo"? My 4 year old nephew was named Ronald James. We call him Jimbo.

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Do you know anybody who is racist? Living in Nashville for several years put me in contact with more than my share.

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What first thing comes to mind when i say: Twilight? Harry Potter with fangs.

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Have you ever been to the Grand Ole Opry? Never for a performance. I used to live in Nashville and worked for a paint store. I used to make deliveries there all the time.

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What do you consider your greatest success in life? Getting sober. Every other positive thing in my life is a direct result of that.

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Do you kiss your pet? If so, don't you think that's a little weird? I just watched her licking her ass. No, I don't kiss my pet. But she does get a good scratch behind the ears.

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I think people who have single kids don't grasp what real parenting is.....what is your view? As an only child, I can assure you that my parents had their hands full. As the father of two, I discovered that there are certain elements of child-rearing that parents of single children aren't dealing with, but to label them as "not real parents" is a huge and undeserved insult.

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What's the worst movie you ever paid to see? The Story of Us. Oh dear God, why did they waste all that beautiful film stock on that piece of dredge. I was just trying to get laid so I took the lady to something I thought SHE would enjoy. She later admitted that she hated it. Luckily we had a great dinner afterwards and hit it off quite well. Third base that night.

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I'm suffering from blasphemous thought(extremely evil) that come up in my head with no intention of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.I believe in God and I never want bad thoughts in my head.Has anyone been like me? Or please tell me how I can stop this. Everyone has thoughts that go against their beliefs. I think God will judge you on how you handle those thoughts instead of the fact that you actually have them. Your ability to overcome them and stay penitent is much more important to Him. It shows character and strength. Your going to be fine. Harps and halos for you, my friend.

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Most of the time i like to be in a relationship with young women of my age, mid 20's ..but often i lust for women that are older than this and they seem to know it aswell.i get on much better with elder women from the age 35 to 45 not too old. y is this? When I was 18 I had a relationship with a woman who was 44. It was almost entirely sexual and she taught me more about how to make love to a woman in that single 6-month period than I've ever learned since. Many years later I married a woman who was almost 10 years younger than me and she's very appreciative of what I learned from that earlier relationship.

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What food have you tried that you will never eat again? Liver and onions. I still shudder at the thought.

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Have you ever been on the radio? Yep. In 1977 I called in to request a song and they put me on the air live! "WTIC is MY hit music station!!" Truly my finest hour. Well, that took up about 5 seconds of my 15 minutes of fame. I'm still keeping the rest in the bank for something REALLY big...like walking behind a reporter doing a live news piece so I can get on-camera.

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Would you like to become famous or is there something in your past that you would never want to become public knowledge? I think it would be best for me that the past stay exactly where it is. I'm a semi-respectable tax-paying member of society now with a gorgeous wife, two adorable kids, and a mortgage. This hasn't always been the case and I'd rather let those sleeping dogs lie.

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Who is your favourite actor, Why? off all time. I've been a Richard Dreyfuss fan since I was a kid.

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If you were one of the chosen people to board a craft, and escape the destruction of earth, because of your 'special' skill - what would that skill be? I have the ability of finding really good parking spaces no matter how crowded a parking lot is. That'll help when we're setting down on the new planet.

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What are you pissed about right now? Waiting on the recruiter to call me to let me know if I got the job or not. RING YOU DAMN PHONE!!

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If you were to give me a gift, something that starts with the letter "P", what would you be giving me? Here's a big old Pat On The Back for you.

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When I'm sad, music always seems to help... what's one song that always puts a smile on your face, or a good feeling in your heart? It's changed many, many times over the years. But just in the last few weeks Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" serves me well.

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What would you do if you catch your'e neighbor digging through your'e trash? My neighbors are pretty cool so I wouldn't think anything bad about it. But I would definitely ask if he lost something.

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At what point in your life did you realise you were an adult? When I saw the sign in a 7-11 that tells you what your birthday needs to be in order to legally buy alcohol...and it was the year I graduated high school.

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Do you ever get a craving for processed cheese? It's so strange that I stumble across this question now. I've been a cheese snob all my life. Hated American cheese. This morning I was making an omelet and we didn't have any of my cheddar left, only the kids' American cheese slices. So I bit my lip and used it in my omelet...and it was DELICIOUS!! Oh, all the wasted years!

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Are you confidant you are going to heaven when you die While I do believe in continued existence after corporeal death, the concept of "heaven" is a little to cut-and-dried for me. There are too many shades of gray in this world to be able to split people into two distinct groups after death: those that go to a "good place" and those that go to a "bad place". I believe that life is a game. The object of the game...

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Have you ever eaten so much of one kind of food (like, ramen) over a long period of time that you absolutely could not even look at it for a long time afterward? What was it? That happened for me with Cheesecake. Ate it for every dessert and then just hit the wall. Haven't had any since I was a teenager.

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What is something you should not say when buying a gun? I'll need just one bullet for that. Thanks.

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Are there any other reasons why marriage is sacred and should be monogamous besides religious ones? Yeah, the cost. I know how much a dinner out with my wife is...I can't afford two of those. And just think of the SHOES!! They would need one entire room built onto the back of the house just for their shoes!

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What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear "honey, we need to talk" from your s/o? "Oh sh*t."

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If God had the ability to speak, what do you think he might confess to us? That he's given us all the tools to answer our own questions.

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Which is 1 film that has special effects that really stood out to you? The special effects that really impress me are the ones that are almost so subtle you don't even realize that you're seeing a post-production effect. For me Forest Gump is the all-time champ in that regard. Going back a little further, but in the same vein, Zelig by Woody Allen is another winner in my book.

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Good ideas for a sims 3 expansion pack? First of all I LOVE The Sims 3. I've loved all the games. What really bothered me was the multitude of expansions that seemed to come out every two weeks or so. I kept waiting for a collector set where all the expansions were put into one box. By the time that hit, The Sims 3 came out. But to answer your question, I can't think of anything that I feel is missing that is large...

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How rich you would like to be? I want to be able to send my girls to college and give them both only as large a wedding as they want. A little left over so the wife and I can take a cruise every now and then would be nice. We're doing okay now considering all the crap that's going on with the economy, but it would be nice to have a nest egg.

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Does every parent secretly have a favorite child? I do. But oddly enough it hasn't been the same child. I go back and forth. Of course they'll never know that.

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What do you not like about religion? The assumption that they know better than I do how to talk to God.

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Why do women hate each other more than men hate each other? As uncomfortable as I am answering questions based on massive generalizations, I think that overall men are much less likely to give a damn what other people think of them than women are. Therefore they are much less likely to put forth the huge effort of hating someone.

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If you could travel through time and meet yourself when you were a kid, what would you say? You're going to go through some sh*t, but don't give up. Believe it or not, you'll come out the other side smelling like a rose. You'll marry the woman of your dreams and have some adorable babies. Oh, by the way, there's this geek building some kind of computing machines in his garage. His name is Bill Fences or something. He's going to start a company in...

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When you go on a date, does it matter to you what race your partner is? Absolutely! She MUST be of the Human race. My Dad frowns when I bring home goats, and my Mom says that the sheep I've introduced them to are "out of my league."

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Should people stop modern medicine? Are we playing God by all of the technological advances in medicine we have made? Do you think he would look down on human kind for this? God gave us the intellect and curiosity to make our lives better. I think he would be disappointed if we didn't make use of all of his gifts.

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Name the most terrifying moment of your life so far. Sitting in a hotel room in Vegas with a group of people smoking crack. A guy thought I had taken one of the rocks he had set on the window sill. He took out a .45 semi-auto, cocked it and pointed it at my face. His finger was on the trigger. No one moved, no one said anything. I was somehow able to talk my way out of it. I still don't remember what I said, but my Debate Team training...

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What advise have you been given in the past that you wished you listened too? Don't take that promotion.

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Does it scare you every time your kids fall or come in with a cut or scrape? No. Silence scares me. If they're not running around screaming then something is wrong. Either they've eaten poison or the older one is trying to convince the younger one to stick a fork in the light socket.

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Who is the United States greatest rival? I'd have to say ourselves.

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If you could say only five words to your dad, what would they be? I am sorry for everything.

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Do you think the age of 30 is too late to start a new career? I did it at 34 and I'm doing it again at 43. Someday I'll know what I want to be when I grow up.

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Do you require a caffeine fix every morning to get your day started? Yes...but I can quit any time I want. Maybe tomorrow...or the day after. Let's see how it goes.

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Have you ever gone through any kind of withdrawal? In the first rehab I went into I experienced alcohol withdrawal related seizures. That was fun. They called me "Flipper" the rest of the time I was there because I turned blue and flopped around on the floor. Bastards. Took me another two rehabs for it to finally stick. 16 years and counting.

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Would you cut off your thumb for 1 million bucks? Nah. A million dollars ain't quite what it used to be, and that sounds like it would hurt a lot.

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How far did you have to walk to school as a kid? About 2 miles.

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What comes to mind when I say "Cherry" or "Cherries"? Me before I was 14 years old and became a "man" and the tender charms of a girl named Kathy.

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What would happen if a vampire drank the blood of jesus? I have no answer, I'm just giving you points up for a really cool question.

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What is the ultimate insult to you? Being called a bad parent.

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Why is it ok to have an abortion? Would you murder and infant if you saw one laying there in its cradle? Same thing? Yeah it is. I'll take "Leading Questions" for $100, Alex.

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Does this scare you "til death do us part"? That was the most comforting part of the ceremony for me. I HATE dating.

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Does hair colour matter/mean anything to you? Having dated every color under the rainbow (including a woman that shaved her head) I'd say no. I have historically leaned toward darker hair only because I gots me some Yellow Fever. Married a Philippina and we've got two gorgeous kids. Thank God they got their mothers nose and not my Scottish honker.

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What age do you think you should stop watching cartoons? Shortly after death. My kids have enjoyed cartoons for a while, and thanks to Boomerang (a channel dedicated to "oldies" cartoons) I've gotten my daughter hooked on Jonny Quest, Scooby-Doo, and all the others that I grew up with. I enjoy watching them with her.

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Do you think being gay is a sin?? I think so because i think it's psychological more than physical problem..so no one is born gay..and he can be cured just like other disease??what do you think? My personal opinion is that there's nothing wrong with being gay. But you seem confused in your question. You start off calling it a sin, but then you consider it a disease. Which is it? Are all diseases sinful? Are only sinful people afflicted with diseases? Pick one and stick with it.

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What country, do you think makes the best chocolate? Umm, is San Francisco a country? ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!!

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What has been your worst waste of money to date? The wife and I went on a short vacation to San Francisco. There was a Morton's Steakhouse across the street from our hotel. I got a steak and lobster. Unfortunately, it was fairly late in the season for lobster, so the one they brought to my table was very close to molting (or whatever lobsters do when they grow larger than their shell.) The lobster meat was stuck to the inside of the...

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If a person has epilepsy can they get a disabled sticker to park in the spots for a person is disabled ?if you do not know could you atlest tell me what link i can go to find out I was under the impression that folks with epilepsy weren't able to get driver's licenses. I found this link which may help you in your quest: http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/social_driving Good luck.

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Do you say "I gotta go now" to end your phone conversation? Nope. I turn it around and say, "Well, I'll let you go." It makes it seem like I'm doing them a favor since they're such busy people. I learned that while living in Nashville filled with almost painfully polite people.

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What should be/ is your super power? For some odd reason I was blessed with the ability to get the parking space closest to wherever I need to be. Grocery store, Best Buy, Dodger Stadium...it doesn't matter. I wonder what my X-man name would be? Driver? Wheelman? Brakepad?

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Do you hold in your sneezes or just let them out and scare people around you? I send the cat scurrying away, the children jump and the lights flicker.

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What activities can you perform with confidence? Project Management; changing diapers; bringing the team together with one vision; cooking Spam & rice; working in the different applications of Microsoft Office; kissing the boo-boo and making the ouchie go away; bringing the project in on time and on budget; snuggling with a 3 and 7 year old simultaneously.

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Jim Carrey- yay or nay? Nay, nay...a thousand times, Nay.

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Does adding cheese really make it better? Always. Not sometimes, not maybe. Always. Omelets, Bologna sandwiches, melted over Cap'n Crunch. Always.

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Who do you live to impress? My two daughters. At their age right now (3 and 7) it's pretty easy, but I'm sure it's going to be more and more challenging as they grow.

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Today you are feeling..... Hopeful.

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What was the last wedding you attended that you really didn't want to? All of them except for my own. I married into a Philippino family so the majority of the weddings I've been to have been those loooooong, drawn out Catholic things with the veil, and the candle, and the cord, etc. etc. etc., yada, yada, yada. Of course we did all that at my wedding too but I knew the next day I was going to be on a plane to Maui with the hottest woman on the planet...

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Can you sue a genie? Most semi-deities can be sued, but your chances of success are small in the extreme. Especially if the litigation was initiated post-lamp rub. By rubbing the lamp you entered a contract with the occupant of said illumination device. Genies have VERY good lawyers. Under cross examination, the specific wording of your wishes will be cast under a harsh light, making you look like an idiot....

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If you can relive 1 day, what will it be? May 1, 2000. The first full day of my honeymoon. The single most perfect day I have ever experienced.

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What's one thing, that fits very well, in your hand? Wow, the first thing that came to my mind was too adult to put down here. I'm going to say "my ipod."

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If you're a non-smoker, and you've invited a smoker friend who's just been through a trauma to your house to be comforted, and they're shaking and say they need a cigarette, would you send them outside? or let them light up? I'm a smoker and I'd still send them outside. Of course, I'd go with them and light up too.

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Should i buy a new laptop now or wait until windows 7 comes out? After my experience being an early adopter of Vista, I would definitely just buy the laptop and let others feel the pain of a new OS.

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Who can pass this test, see link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25461301/?GT1=43001 I got 90%. The two I got wrong were #13 - The number of voting members of the House of Representatives, and #19 Who's the Chief Justice of the U.S. Darn. But I guess I get to stay, right?

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What should you NOT do on your first date? Nude skydiving. The wind is NOT your friend! FLAP-A-FLAP-A-FLAP-A-FLAP....

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What do you think is the real reason that Sarah Palin is stepping down as Governor of Alaska? There are two scenarios in my head right now. The first and less probable is that she wants to focus on a 2012 bid for the Presidency. The second is that she still has some skeletons in the closet that haven't been discovered (yet) and she just wants to drop out of the spotlight. If she's thinking of the Presidency, she just shot herself in the foot. After the failed Vice...

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Unnerving things to hear from the cockpit of a plane? ...but I thought YOU fueled up before we left... or Will someone PLEASE tell me what that flashing light is over there, and turn off that damned alarm! or My wife left me, my kids hate me, I'm gonna get fired for being drunk on the job again and now you're telling me I have to fly this tub into Newark Int'l??? Oh hell no! If I'm going down, I'm taking you...

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What it means when girl takes u 2 her room and styarts takin clothes off? Time to do laundry?

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Should Perez Hilton stop the bellyaching? He's just ANOTHER Hilton I'm really sick of seeing and hearing about.

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You see a spider walking across the ceiling as you lie in bed. Your reaction would be... Depends. If it's a daddy-long legs then I go back to sleep. If it's a brown recluse or a black widow...then it dies.

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If there was a hell, would burning a church full of nuns automatically cause me to go there or could I just pray for forgiveness and get away with it? Kind of an interesting concept isn't it? Burning a church full of nuns, but then if you're REALLY sorry, it's all good. No harm, no foul.

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What do you believe is the single biggest threat to the survival of the human race? Ourselves.

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Does anyone here still have a "type"? Yeah. I like mid-30s Pacific Islander chicks who have two kids and a love for volleyball. Wait...I got that now! Man, life is GOOD!

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How hard is it to get kids to eat their vegetables? I truly hated vegetables when I was a kid. I only ate them raw...never cooked. Carrots, celery, etc. Hated cooked veggies. More palatable raw with a little ranch dressing. I don't know whose kids these are that live with me (they look like me) but they LOVE eating their broccoli. I just don't get it. I WANT A DNA TEST!!

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Are you yourself or do you pretend to be someone else? I'm most myself when I'm playing with my kids. But I have a face for work, I have a face for my dad, I have a face for my inlaws... They are shades of who I truly am. Still true to my core, but altered slightly to fit the situation. I think this is true for most people.

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Who won the 3.05 at royal ascot? Scenic Blast

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In what situation do you suddenly lose control...? When I eat bad sushi. Do NOT stand between me and the bathroom door.

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If buying alcohol was against the law would you break the law to get some? Nope, I've been sober 16 years so this wouldn't affect me at all...except having to deal with all the newly sober drivers on the streets...YIKES!!

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What up dog? Who let me out? Woof, woof, woof.

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What kind of accent do you have (city, state, country, etc)? Southern Californian, dude. Let's twist up a fatty and hit the curlage.

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Suppose you find your boyfriend/husband/sig'other has keepsakes of an old lover; would you be jealous any? Nope. My wife would be more interested in burning, immolating, shredding, spindling and mutilating it more than I.

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If you could travel the whole world for a year, but it would have to alone, would you? In a heartbeat. I'd still talk to my kids and wife every day and post pictures and video for them to watch. Of course I'd be sleeping on the couch for a while after I got back.

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What's the worst thing to say after a first kiss? Well, that was better than your mom, but not quite as good as your sister.

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What's the one thing you most forget? I am going to get so slammed for this, but this is a site that promotes honesty, so here goes: My daughters names. When one of them is doing something they shouldn't be, I invariably call them by the others name. Jessica says, "Daddy, I'm not Natalie!" and I say, "I don't care. Please stop putting makeup on the cat."

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My church is having an important meeting this Saturday at 6pm. Do you see a problem with a church meeting on 6/6 at 6pm? Nah, but if you start smelling sulfer, get out.

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Are you on time? Always, always, always. I hate being late and it was my pet peeve when I managed people when they strolled in 30 minutes late as if it didn't matter.

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What's a good excuse to put off exercising today? I got some Captain Crunch I need to finish off, and then there's the Star Trek marathon on the Sci-Fi channel. After that's over it's time for a nap. And I got this coupon that's about to expire for 2 McBurritos free if you buy any double McTaco large combo. Busy, busy day. Have you seen the remote?

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Have you ever witnessed an act of grace? Can you tell us about it? I'm wary of the religious overtones of the question, but I see people doing good things for each other every day. Whether they do it because the church said they should or simply because it's the right thing to do, who cares.

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Will all answerbaggers online let me know they out there! In da houuuuuse! Ouch, I think I pulled something. I really need to work out my ghetto muscles more.

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What always makes you laugh no matter how many times you've seen it? Bill Cosby - "Himself" video. Any Monty Python movie ever made. My 3 year old dressing herself (fashion sense is a LEARNED trait, not genetic.)

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What sort of teacher has the world around you been? Harsh and unfair but extremely efficient.

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Have you ever seen a movie that didn't have a gun in it? Obviously one that's set in a time after guns were invented. Sure. "Bourne Supre...no wait. "Die Hard"...oh hell, wait a second. "The Assassination of Jesse Jam"...sh*t! "The Story of Us" the single dullest film ever to grace the big screen. She wanted to see it, I wanted some num-num later that night, so I took her. Bleh.

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What was the last thing you used that uses batteries? Flashlight.

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Pick one thing....What did you pick? Aardvark! Stupid answer. Damn my alphabetical mind!!

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What will you believe, when you see it? Aliens or a balanced budget or Republicans getting back to being Republicans again and not some wing of the church like they've become.

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What is the proper way to introduce yourself to a woman "Hi, I'm <your name here.> with a firm (NOT crushing) handshake, but make sure your hand isn't a limp dead fish either. Please note: If you read the above verbatim to a woman by actually saying, "Hi, I'm Your Name Here" you've got much bigger problems than trying to meet women.

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Would you rather go to mexico or spain? and why? I live about 2 hrs from Mexico and the few times I've gone, it hasn't been the most thrilling experience (except for Tanya and her donkey, but that's a story that will NEVER be told.) The last time I was in Spain, I was there on business so I didn't have alot of time to sight see. But what I did see was absolutely gorgeous...and old. I'd really like to get back...

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What do you think about when you are in the bath? Any second SOMEBODY will come knocking on the door and say, "Daddy, what are you doing? Can you untangle my yoyo? Natalie hit me. Can I watch Spongebob? Are you going to stay in the bath all night? Why did you lock the door? Can we go get ice cream? I want to wear my dress tomorrow. Where are my shoes? ...and on and on and on...

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Why are people jealous of YOU? Because I've got the cutest mixed-race daughters on the planet. Something about blending Caucasian and Pacific Islander DNA that creates intense cute.

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Do men who can soar worry over burned bridges? I can't for the life of me figure out why someone down-rated this question. Troll innoculation +6

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Is there one song you just never get tired of? Just about any Billy Joel song prior to 1980.

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Did you look for love, or did it find you? The second I quit looking it found me.

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Have you ever given someone "the silent treatment"? Did you ever talk to them again? Occasionally when my wife and I have a heated disagreement, I'll need a few minutes of not talking to avoid saying something I know I will regret. This usually only lasts 10-20 minutes. Then we can usually come to some kind of understanding and then have amazing, mind-blowing, wall-shattering, monkey-shaming make-up sex. You know...now that I think about it, I think I'll go...

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Yo, How Yu Doin? F*ckin' A. I'm doin' good. Mets are killin' me though.

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Who would you least expect to hear from but would love to? My best friend from my childhood, Bobby Brock.

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Oprah : like her or not? Not possible for me to care less about her one way or the other. Wait, she's the one responsible for bringing us Dr. Phil, right? DEATH!! DEATH TO HER!!

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Do you keep a change of clothing in your automobile? Not for me, but I do have a backpack with clothes in it for both my girls.

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What's the name of the last book you read? Rereading "Everything's Eventual". A collection of short stories by Stephen King. I just finished "Fool" by Christopher Moore.

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Why did Susan Boyle lose Britain's Got Talent? Because she wasn't as good a singer as the rest of the folks that are left. She surprised many in the beginning because you didn't expect that voice to come from that person, but after the initial shock wore off, she began to be judged the same as the rest. She simply wasn't as good. Don't worry, she'll have a record deal before the week is out if she doesn't...

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How extreme r u as a person in every thing? About as extreme as margarine.

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What is freedom for you? Picking up my phone and not having to wonder who else may be listening. Being able to make a decision with my doctor that is best for me and NOT the most cost effective treatment for an HMO. Picking who I choose to love and marry.

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Do you think men get it? Of course we get it. We just work extraordinarily hard to keep YOU from realizing we get it. But getting it, and caring about it are two different things. Just because I get it, does NOT mean I want to turn off the game and talk about it. ...another beer while you're up, hon?

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2012......Are we gonna die? (Globally that is, from asteroids, the shifting of the Earth's axis? etc? It seems like every few years, we've got a new prediction of doom. In my lifetime, we've probably had 7 or 8 years when they said there would be a world-changing cataclysm...and yet, here we sit in our homes, using our electricity, going to our schools and our jobs. But, to answer your question: yes, some people will die in 2012, just like some died last year, and some more will...

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What’s the most awesome movie no one’s ever heard of? "The Changeling" with George C. Scott. A truly fantastic horror movie with practically no blood. http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0080516/

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There's nothing quite like.............................................? Clean, crisp sheets.

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Why are you sweating so much? I'm not! Hey, there's nothing in the trunk. No need to check...really. HEY, let's go get a beer, okay? Let's take your car. Yeah, I'll just leave mine here and maybe come back for it later. Yeah. Hey, you're pretty smart. Do you know anything about Mexican gangs? Do the usually get pissed when you, hypothetically, run over one of their guys with your...

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The Name of your Nearest River...? The Los Angeles River. Well, it's more of a cement-lined drainage ditch than a river, but that's what they call it.

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Do bad guys ever win? All the time. 9/11 ring a bell?

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I'll never ________________ again try to fix my lawn mower drunk.

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What is the one great, major transition in life? The single greatest transition in anyone's life is Death.

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How many working T.V. sets do you have in your house? How many have cable, dish, etc. Three TVs, all hooked up to satellite. The big one in the living room is in Hi-Def.

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What was your favourite song of 2008? For some reason, I could NOT get enough of "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall.

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Are you an Open Source activist? Yeah, I guess so. Not that I'd know how to take advantage of it.

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Where would you go on a first date? My wife and I went over to Burbank to catch a movie (Eraser with Gov. Ahhhnuld) and then we walked down along the record stores and book shops chatting away. Went to dinner afterwards. Really didn't think about kissing her until I had already done it. Oops! That was 13 years and two kids ago.

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What is your favourite performance in a movie by a musician turned actor? This is going to sound really obscure but I liked Tom Waits in Bram Stoker's Dracula. Small part, but he played a loony really well...and his voice lent itself to the part very, very well.

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What do you Call Someone that Talks too much and No One is listening? Well, six or seven months ago I would have said, "Dubya", but now I guess I'd have to say "Rush!"

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What always grabs your attention immediately, regardless of what you're doing? My friend saying, "Hold my beer, I wanna try sumthin'."

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On a scale of 1-10 how resilient are you to all that life throws at you? I'm like Spinal Tap, baby. I go to 11!

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Bagpipes. Love or hate the sound of them? Love for a couple of minutes...and then hate starts to creep in.

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Have you ever had fun with helium? tell us what you did! At my daughter's third birthday party I inhaled and sang "We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. And in the name of the Lollipop Guild we welcome you to munchkin land." I then informed my children that they are never to do what I did as I am a trained professional.

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Do you know anyone famous or not with the name Tim, Timmy or Timothy? OR Michele, Michelle or Shelly? There's the hottest first lady in history, Michelle Obama. There's There's Timothy Leary, famous LSD advocate. And of course, there's TIMMAY!!

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What is a nice noise you don't mind hearing? What is an annoying noise you don't like to hear? What is a noise that gives you goosebumps? My 3 year olds belly laugh. My 3 year old screaming "MINE" when her older sister takes something away from her. A few years ago, my oldest daughter was suffering from night terrors. She would have horrific nightmares and wake up screaming as if she was being killed. That first night I literally thought she was dying as I ran down the hallway to her room. I never want to...

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If our ancestors are monkeys and apes how come no one is falling in love or marrying them? ( since they are supposedly are our origins) Those soulful brown eyes, those dexterous fingers, those opposable thumbs... Oh come here you big hairy lug and fling some more poo at me!!

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What is the best job you ever had? International Interactive Marketing Manager for Warner Bros. Getting to watch The Dark Knight for free on the studio lot and sharing elevators with people you see on TV all the time were some of the better perks.

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Do you brush your babies / toddlers teeth EVERY day? Nope. They do it now. Sometimes not well, and then I'll help out, but usually I'm there to remind them that they have more than just the four teeth in the front.

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If you could have one question truly answered by a greater power, what would it be? What's really in Area 51. Sounds mundane, but I honestly don't care about all the existential crap that we supposed to be curious about. I do NOT want to know the future, I already know why I'm here, and my kids can take care of themselves after I'm gone just like every other generation has done since man walked upright. So that leaves Area 51. I hope it's...

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What would you walk a mile for? ...a Klondike Bar is too easy. Let's see. ...A Camel ...a taxi to bring me back home ...the chance to see my little girl in a play That should hold you for now.

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What are 2 words that best describe your face? bearded and bespectacled

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The State of Washington and Oregon allow assisted suicides for terminal patients. Do you think other States should follow the lead? Yep. I'm looking forward to seeing folks who work in the Hospice field to answer this. They would know better than most.

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How can a wife gently but firmly convince her husband that growing a beard not dissimilar to that of the Una-Bomber is really not a good idea? That can be tough because if it's not handled well, it could sound like she's harping. As a bearded man who has, on occasion, let his beard grow beyond the neat, well-sculpted version in my avatar; my wife will simply say, "I don't like that." She picks her battles, so I know that when she does speak up about something, she means it. Usually I'm in agreement...

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My mother thinks my music is making me more aggressive, it is typacally metal like Rammstein and Dropkick Murphy's, I think its rubbish but what do you think? It's amazing that my grandparents were saying EXACTLY the same thing to my parents about that punk "Elvis...Somebody." This complaint will never go away. Hell, they probably said the same thing about Beethoven.

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Can you name a famous doctor? Rodney Dangerfields doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz!

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Have you ever worn a lampshade on your head as a hat? I can neither confirm nor deny the lampshade incident of December 24, 1992. Those in attendance have already signed Non-Disclosure Agreements so the issue is now closed. Next question.

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I'm heading up to the lake for the weekend. Do you mind if I take your wife with me? As long as you take the kids too. I need a nap.

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Who was the last person to sit upon your lap? About 30 seconds ago, my 3 year old came in from waking up and wanted to see, "Funny Cats." The ICANHASCHEEZEBURGER.COM site is her absolute favorite. She's learning to use the scroll wheel on the mouse, so she sat on my lap and scrolled through the pictures while I made up funny voices for the what the cats were saying.

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Is talking to yourself weird? Not at all...yes it is...shut up, she wasn't talking to you...uh huh...nuh uh...

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Who is the wackiest evangelical preacher you have seen on TV? Robert Tilton. He would "speak in tongues" and feel the Lord right there in the room with him. Here is a thoroughly inappropriate video with some...audio enhancements. However all facial expressions are unedited for your viewing pleasure.

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Is it possible for someone to stay sober forever? I've heard the saying: once an addict, always an addict I'm 16 years into my sobriety, but I know that I am still an addict, so I stay away from booze and dope.

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What is the first initial of everyone living in your house? J, J, C, and N.

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If you walked out your front door, what direction would you being heading in? West toward the shining Pacific Ocean.

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What is something that tumbles? My kids a couple of hours after an infusion of Frosted Flakes.

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I can't take your answer right now. Will you please leave a message? Hi...uh, this is jtolb65. Ummm. So get back to me and maybe we can go bowling or something. Okay...so that's it I guess. Yeah. Call me back....okay, bye.

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Which fruit is in your cobbler? Cherry, blackberry, peach or another fruit. I'll take apple please. Thank you.

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Most horror movies are over-rated. I want to watch something that will genuinely scare me. Suggestions? A movie came out in 1980 called "The Changeling" with George C. Scott. It's a ghost story, not a gorefest, so if you're looking for gallons of blood, this ain't your movie. But if you want a smart, quiet film that will have you sleeping with the lights on give it a try.

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Do you wrap gifts neatly or haphazardly? I must be missing part of the genetic structure in my DNA that allows me to wrap gifts neatly. I try! Lord knows I try. But for some reason it always comes out looking like a blind Parkinson's sufferer wrapped it.

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What are you addicted to? Yep. Been sober 16 years.

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Where is the coldest place you have ever been and what was the temperature? Coldest was about -20 F (Connecticut) Hottest was about 125 F (Southern California desert) Both took my breath away.

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What is your opinion on underage sex? In relationships? Out of relationships? All opinions welcomed I was 14 when I had sex for the first time. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Looking back, should I have waited? I don't think so. When I was 18 I was lucky enough to find a woman that was patient and taught me much about how to please a woman. The best one can do as a parent is to instill in your kids a sense of self and teach them to listen to their heart. If they...

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How young can u be to get your belly button pierced without it being too young? If you're under 18 and living under your parents roof, then the moment they say it's okay you can do it. If you're 18 or emancipated, knock yourself out.

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It is a long story but I would like to hear the short of it. What is the short story of what happened? Wasn't my fault. I was drunk.

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If the whole worlds a stage then what part do you play in it? I'm the stage manager. I coordinate all departments (lights, music, actors, backstage folks) into a cohesive unit that will work together to put on the most kickass show you've ever seen.

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If you HAD to choose, would you rather be stuck on a deserted on with Miley Cyrus or Billy Ray Cyrus? Miley. At least we could reproduce...as soon as we're married.

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Americans only. Do you still believe in America? I'm starting to again.

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WTF!! I just sat through Twilight and...F#$KING SPARKLY VAMPIRES, what the hell? Bella is just a blank slate any angst ridden girl can print herself on and the vampires are SPARKLY, and they play Baseball for fun! Will Vampires ever be cool again? Read the Brian Lumley series "Blood Brothers". He knows that vampires should be total sadistic bad asses and not foppish dandies.

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How old were your children, when they first learned to walk without your help? Jessica was 9 months and Natalie was 10 months...and they haven't stopped yet. I've tried duct tape, super glue but nothing works.

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What do you not like to see people talking about on AB? It's a little disturbing to see people ask questions about serious medical conditions asking for diagnoses ("I have blood spouting from a hole in my chest. What could it be???!?") Leading and over-generalized questions are also a little annoying ("Why do all orientals hate Jesus, our Personal Lord and Savior??!!1!") Homework questions bug the crap out of me....

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Can an ant elope with an antelope? Absolutely, but they can't get married in California yet.

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If you could be someone famouse who would you be and why? I'd be Angelina Jolie, just so I could see me naked all the time. I'd never leave the house.

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What did you read Saturday? I finished a Titus Crow novel and started on Fool by Christopher Moore. Also read the Los Angeles Times this morning.

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Anyone reading ever ate anything alive? When I was in Japan a few months ago, they served us "drunken shrimp". We were offered them raw and alive or they said they would cook them for us if we so chose. I tried one alive and didn't care for it. No one else in my group wanted to try it so they took the rest back and cooked them.

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Who would you bitch slap: Sarah Palin or Nancy Pelosi? Ooh, don't make me choose. I could do a Moe "line-slap" one right after the other!

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What do you drink when you are on Answerbag? Either coffee, water or soda.

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Have you tried Smoked Oysters? No, but it sounds fairly nasty. I'll stick to my Lobster Ravioli from Macaroni Grill...yum!!

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What is your core value? Kindness.

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The last time you slept, How was your sleep?(good, bad, restless, uncomfortable, out like a light......or any other you can think of) I just woke up from a nap, and it was very nice. I had an odd dream about Dorothy Dandridge which is strange because she died before I was born.

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Would you have belly button removal surgery Of course not. Where the hell would I put my keys??

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Wow! I can't believe you would pay a plugged nickel for THAT! What is it? It's a...well, it's a...ahh sh*t, it was ON SALE!!

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When was the last time you wore a mask? What was the mask? On a flight to Japan. Sleeping mask.

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Who`s turn is it to do the dishes? Mine dammit...and she cooked chili!

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Do you like the way you were dressed as a child...? Yeah, can't complain. My parents never made me do the sailor outfit or anything completely weird, so that part wasn't too traumatic.

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Have you ever cried when a celebrity died? If so, who? This is so lame, but I got really choked up when Michael Conrad died (Sgt. Esterhaus on Hill Street Blues.) I had seen him in the same hospital that my granfather was in only a few weeks before I heard he had died. I was wearing a Hill Street Blues t-shirt at the hospital, but didn't have the courage to go talk to him...he was obviously suffering.

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Do you like back-scratches? Yep. I've got three of them: Cecille, Natalie and Jessica! (wife and two kids)

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Even if you are eighteen-thirty do you still watch cartoons? 43 and have introduced Looney Tunes and Scooby-Doo to my kids. They love it and it takes me down memory lane. "Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now!"

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What type of food do you associate with the term 'Man food'? Pork Rinds!!

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Has anyone ever told you your bottom smells like cheese? No, but as long as it's cheddar then they shouldn't complain.

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Do you ever find that the things you desire are less desired after you acquire them? For many things, yes. However that was not the case when I married my wife.

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What something someone has try to get you to join or get you into? I was at a party where someone wanted me to take a "Personality Test". Friggin' Scientologists.

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Why are Spocks ears pointed? Okay, I'm showing my inner geek now, but according to the Star Fleet Technical Manual, Vulcans evolved pointed ears to help better capture sound in the thin Vulcan atmosphere.

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Do you grocery shop on a weekly basis or monthly basis? It usually a couple days a week. We've got a new grocery store that just opened right down the street so it's no longer a big deal to drop in and pick up some eats.

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Who wins the Creepiest award, The Burger "King" or Ronald McDonald? Ronald, by far.

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If Nightcrawler grabbed a defensive rebound, and teleported cross court for the dunk, would the ref whistle him for traveling? Nope. You have to take two steps without a dribble to travel. He's not taking any steps, so no travel, 2 points.

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What kinds of pets do u have or wish u have. i have a dog but i want a horse. Yep. We've got a cat named Ro.

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Do chickens have tongues? I don't know and I honestly don't want to know. I think they do.

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Do you ever wish that you were 17 again? Oh hell no. That was a bad, bad year.

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If there is windmills then why not rainmills? There are rainmills...we just call them "dams."

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Hold a grudge or forgive? Doesn't matter what happened! I have to forgive. It takes too much energy to hate for that long. I'm too lazy.

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Are you a Mac or PC? Lap Top or Desk Top? PC Desktop. When I traveled with my company overseas they gave me a Mac Laptop and I was stumbling around the whole time. Two very different experiences.

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What keeps bugs from trying to take over the world? They ain't got no opposable thumbs. It's all in the thumbs.

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Who else is bored, besides me??? Random stupid question, but... I'm bored right this second, but we've still got a busy day ahead of us, so I'm kind of thankful for the downtime.

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It is early in this flu pandemic, shouldn't we quarantine now? The death rate is 1% - 4%. Let's not go overboard here.

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If it were to be 12 hours later than now, what would you be doing? Feeding the girls dinner.

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Have you ever wondered why the government keeps allowing people to rebuild homes in hurricaine alley? I think the government has way too much control over what I can and can't do. If I want to build a home in hurricaine alley then I should be allowed to. It would be my own stupid fault if it gets flattened every summer.

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What song would you listen to this precise moment? Kid Rock: All Summer Long.

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I found a small white round pill with the letters CYP on it and the other side has just a score line. The pill identifier indicates that it may be Eliphos, which is the brand name for calcium acetate. However, while it says that the the pill is round and white with the letters CYP on one side, it also says that there are the numbers 910 on the other side.

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What would you name your Glow-in-the dark clone puppy? New Yeller.

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When was the last time you seen a straitjacket? where? On TV yesterday. I'm watching the first season of Alias and the main character was put in a straightjacket. I don't think I've ever seen one in real life. I did see a woman strapped to a bed in a psych ward several years back.

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Where do you work and what do you do? I recently got laid off from my job. Until last week, I worked for Warner Bros for four years in their Online division creating, managing, and approving online ads for our films and tv series internationally. Great job. I miss it very much. I'm looking for something within the entertainment industry, but it's tough right now with almost 12% unemployment in Los Angeles.

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I just realized that most of my issues are based on my feeling guilty about every thing & I mean EVERY thing. How can I stop feeling guilty over every little thing that happens? It sounds like some counseling might be in order. Guilt is a learned response and usually picked up early in life. It's not easy to change that. A trained ear to talk to may be just the ticket. When I got sober, letting go of the guilt was a huge part of that. Just like Bookworm said, I can't hold myself responsible for things that are out of my control, as much as I might want...

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What do you think about tattoos? are they good or bad? I'm actually thinking about getting my first tattoo since now I've got something in my life that I will always care about...my daughters. I'm thinking of their initials inside some kind of Celtic knot, since we're of Scottish descent. Having said that, I'm a little tired of the "tramp stamp" on the lower back.

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Why would a celebrity want to become Donald Trump's apprentice? Two words: attention whore.

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Can you name something that you order? My daughters...to pick up their room. If I step on one more Lego in the middle of the night there's going to be some real trouble, I think.

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What do you think of when I say William Shatner? I've......got.....this.....scene......nailed..... KHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!

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Whens asassins creed 2 coming out? and what are some similar games to this on xbox 360? Looks like Q4 '09 for all platforms. I just finished the first game on the PS3 and can not WAIT for the second one...maybe he'll be able to friggin' swim in this one??!?

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What is an intresting fact about the "Beaver"? The show's writers had another nickname for him, but the network censors made them change it to the less offensive "The Beaver."

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Do you wish that you can go out and shop naked? That would indicate that others would be in the same store shopping naked as well. When I'm in the grocery store, I DO NOT want to see old lady Jenkins from down the street in her all-together! Why is she in the produce aisle picking up that cucumber??!? Oh dear God, my eyes!! NOOOOOOO!! I'll never be able to buy vegetables again.

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What are your views on female televangelists like Gloria Copeland and Joyce Meyer? Their hair isn't as well-managed as the male televangelists.

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Kill your enemies with kindness. Have you did it? Would you want to? NOTHING bothers an enemy more than having you act as if he isn't your enemy. Actively hating someone takes so much energy that it isn't worth it...and this is so much more fun! I love seeing the look on someone's face when I'm doing my "sweet-as-molasses" routine.

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You are one of only five people left on Earth and you get to choose the other four...who are they? My wife, my two daughters...and Ted Nugent. We're going to need somebody that can hunt.

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Do you need to get your Chest and Back waxed for the Summer guys...? lol No back hair yet...and I've got eight chest hairs to which I'm very attached and I ain't cutting them. Their names are Ramon, Vincente, Caleb, Jim Bob, Rick, Mortimer, Diego, and Steve.

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What is the language that you would want to learn which you don't know it yet? (me Spanish!) And how many languages do you know? What are they? I live in Southern California, so learning Spanish would be a big help.

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What is the longest you have had to go without internet? I was born in '65 and got on the net for the first time in '95, so about 30 years.

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Does eny one now were i could find some good vampire books? Brian Lumley has a Vampire World trilogy: Blood Brothers, The Last Aerie, and Blood Wars. I love his books because the vampires in them are truly hideous and violent. They aren't foppish dandies as in the "Interview With A Vampire" vein.

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What hit song starts with 2 blasts from a steam whistle? Allentown by Billy Joel.

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Did you buy anything yesterday? What? (I bought a Mt. Dew) Yep. I bought the strategy guide for Assassin's Creed on the PS3 and a pair of sandals.

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What is your favorite "pet name" to be called or that you call others? I call my wife "Mahal". It's a Tagalog term of affection.

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What do you think is the meaning of the song 'American Pie'? I thought it was about the death of Buddy Holly.

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What helps you stop worrying? When I can hear my daughters screaming and yelling and hooting and hollering. When there is silence something is broken.

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If your pet could talk, what would he/she say about you? My cat, Ro, would say... Just a little more scratch behind the ears will be good...yeah, that's perfect. Let me move my head for you so you get the right spot....ahhhhhhh.

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What is the currency for the cook islands They use both the New Zealand dollar and the Cook Islands dollar.

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Would you make fun of me if when I spoke to you I used the word "y'all"? Nope. I lived in the suburbs around Nashville for six years and to this day I still say "y'all" and "fixin'" once in a while.

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What is the time where you live? 11:14 pm, Sunday, April 19. Almost bed time. Have to get up bright and early tomorrow and find a job.

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What the hell was that? I have no idea. Jeez, man did you see that? That thing was huge!! Did you see it pick that redneck right up out of the boat? Holy crap! I think I got video but those guys came and took my camera. I don't remember much about that though...all I remember is Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. Weird.

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Who would win if you and I got into a fight? You may win the initial physical altercation...but be careful the next time you start your car.

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What do you think Marilyn Manson is doing right now? Trying desperately to shock someone somewhere...and failing.

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Is there a belief you held when you were younger, which embarrasses you now? That Richard Nixon was AWESOME!!

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What's your favorite "meatless" meal? Captain Crunch.

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What was in the last bottle you opened? Milk.

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Simple. Name something with wings. Paul McCartney.

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Will someone please produce some evidence that gay marriage will destroy one's heterosexual marriage, or one's children's potential future marriages? Sorry, but I don't think you'll find any. And it seems like us heteros have been doing a fantastic job of destroying the sanctity of marriage all on our own. Who was the last gay person railroaded into getting married because they knocked-up their partner? Thank you, Your Honor. Defense rests.

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Would you ever marry someone for money? I've been thinking about this question for about 10 minutes now. It's bugging me because I'm trying to think about the person that I am now as opposed to the person that I was when I married my wife. I guess that if some tragedy occurred that made me single with no kids, it would really depend on how Ms. Moneybags approached me. Am I to be a sex slave? (pasty white 43 year...

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You are on a plane. Would you rather sit next to a crying baby or a yelping dog? (there are no empty seats to change).WHY? I just dropped an Ambien...what baby?

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If someone asked u a question " how cool are you " what will you answer? "Not very...but my daughters think I'm tha bomb!"

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Does anyone here know or has met a famous person? If yes, who? Said hello to Ellen Degeneres stepping off an elevator. Joked around with Sean Hayes (from Will & Grace). Said Hi to George Lopez. Stumbled over a "Hello" to Alexis Bledel (God she has pretty eyes!) I also met dozens of actors whose faces you know, but not their names (Hey, your that guy who played that scientist.) I used to work for Warner Bros., across the street from the...

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Were you happy with the weather today, how was it? Perfect temp - high 60's, low 70's Slightly overcast so the sun wasn't beating down on us. This was just about the perfect day. Not only that but my 7 yr old is on spring break so we had the whole day to bum around together. It doesn't suck so much being laid off. More time with the rug rats.

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I havent bought this dress yet but i was thinking of buying it for gradation ball. i can only buy it online.do you think the shimmery material will highlight chubby hips? dont want to make a mistake. see dress in answer. thanks guys I don't think the material would highlight your hips, but because the dress hugs the waist it may make you look a little hipp-y, but I do like the color. In general, buying clothes online is an iffy proposition...especially at 250 (UK pounds). I hope you find what you're looking for. Whatever it is, I know you'll look gorgeous. Be well.

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What makes you special? I begat Jessica and Natalie.

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Who is John Lennon? abd how did he die? Hmm. I'm not finding anything online for that name...

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We're going streaking Woooo Hooooo! Come on let's go! Are you coming with us? How about I just drive along side in my boxers. Me running naked down the street would frighten the natives.

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Do you know that god exists or do you think that god exists? My concept of God (capped to keep the peace) is somewhat different from the bible version, but I do believe that we continue on after corporeal death.

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I was born in the year of the RAT! What year were you born in? 1965 - The Year Of The Snake! I like that.

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Why is obama going out of his way to shut down jobs that mainly white people hold? Any specific examples you can cite? Are you talking about the CEO's of the failed corporations that have been protected for the last eight years?

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Why were you speeding? I gotta pee!! So give me the ticket and lets move along, flatfoot.

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Guys: have you ever been in a relationship with a women that was physically abusive to you? I dated a woman for a few weeks that slapped me once when she was drunk. I told her that the relationship was over, I got my jacket and left.

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What is the longest walk you have ever been on? I woke up naked in a park in Vernon Connecticut after a particularly intense bender and had to walk back to my house in Manchester. I guess it was about 4 or 5 miles. Luckily they had emptied the trash cans around the park so I had a clean trash bag out of which to fashion a poncho.

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Is it vain to get a shot of botox in you lips? Do what makes you feel good about yourself. Screw vanity. It's underrated.

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Restraunt or picnic? Restaurant. No ants, no bees. We don't have to pack up our trash. I'll get a table outside so that we can enjoy the weather, just like we would at a picnic.

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Going to a Heroes/Villains Fancy Dress Party and I've whittled my fancy dress options down to: 1.Velma Kelly from Chicago, 2.Princess Peaches from Super Mario Bros, or 3.Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. WHICH ONE? I vote for Tinkerbell. Velma Kelly: Unless the party is being attended by fans of the musical, no one is going to know who you are. A Princess Peaches costume would probably consist of a prom dress...not sure how many people would know who you were with that one either. Now Tinkerbell: instantly recognizable...and sexy in a disturbing way.

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What will they call Levi Johnston's new reality show? Baby-makin' - The Levi Way! or Sure, I'd Do Her Mom! or Alaska: The Underbelly

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Can you give me a "Did You Know". Mine is:Did you know that Scientists were able to makea 10,000-year-old seed germinate and sprout!!! The Arctic lupin seed was found in Yukon, in Canada. Did you know that elephants are the only land mammals that can't jump?

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If you coulod hop in your car...right this second...where would you go? What would you do? I'd do like I used to on my solo vacations. I'd make the decision as to which way to point the car when I got to the highway. Some of the best vacations I've ever had were simply loading up the car with some clothes, a cooler of pepsi and pointing the car "thataway".

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If you were suddenly a famous movie/music star...but had to invent a stage name...what name would you call yourself? DJ Pasty McWonderBread

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What is your best caption for this picture !!! Picture will appear in an answer. below! Forget "dish-pan hands", I've got "Dish-pan Ass." or I am currently in the process of NOT making your dishes any cleaner.

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Can you tell me a brand name from your country that would be recognised by foreign countries? Nike!

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At what point did you realize that throwing a punch was the right thing to do? After I saw him shove an old woman to the ground. I don't fight. It's just not my thing, but that was more than I could bear.

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I know a pair of Identical twins.. One says he is gay and the other straight. Since Homosexuality is in our "Genetic Make-up" and we are "born that way", WHY aren't they both gay? Has the straight one just not come out of the closet That would make an interesting study. I've never heard of this but it would follow that if they are true identical twins and came from one egg, then perhaps the "gay gene" is part of the code passed on by the male. It could be that it developed as a dominant trait in one twin and a recessive trait in the other. But I'm just an armchair geneticist...what do I know?

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Where is "over yonder " actually at? Up a ways. Take a left where the old church used to be before it burned down, then bear right where the maple tree was before Clem cut it down to make way for his rutabaga patch. Head over the rise just past the old mill and there you are...but ya cahn't get theah from heah.

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Do you have one habit that you absolutely hate but can't kick? Started smoking again last year after 10 years of being quit.

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If your s/o is not in bed with you, do you sleep in his spot, stay in your own, or sprawl out and take up the whole gosh darn bed? When I'm traveling I take up the whole bed...and ALL the pillows. Maybe I even order a couple extra pillows from room service just to have them. I'm a rebel. That's just how I roll.

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Is there any thing which you have seen other people do and wondered 'HOW IN HELL COULD THEY DO THAT?'? Yes. People letting their kids run screaming through the store aisles without so much as a sideways glance.

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By taking away marriage rights from one group of Californians, doesn't "Proposition 8" violate the principles of freedom, fairness and equality that are at the core of the State’s constitution? That's what the California Supreme Court is deciding right now. I can understand people's moral or ethical reservations regarding gay marriage, but from a strictly legal perspective I don't see how the ban can hold up.

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Did you get your picture taken with the Easter Bunny? Yes and it did NOT go well. I could not understand why my parents wanted me to sit in the lap of an obviously mutated, encephalitic rabbit. Santa Claus I understood. He was human (if a little drunk), but that freak bunny scared the sh*t out of me.

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What gift from a parent do you remember the most? My first bike.

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A UK study shows that society would likely benefit from legalizing all drugs - as well as saving $billions. Assuming this is similar in all western countries and governments need to save money - should we consider it? Yes, but it will never happen. The cartels that make billions on the illegal trade would never let that happen.

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Why are guys so attracted to boobs? Not at all. I think that's an overstatement of...wow, I just noticed your avatar...wait, what was I saying?

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How would you differentiate if a person was 'clever' or 'cunning'? I think "clever" simply indicates that the person has the ability to analyze a situation and decipher it's true underpinnings. The word "cunning" means that they use this analysis for nefarious purposes.

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What's something you do better drunk? I'm a MUCH better driver when I'm drunk. It's all these other idiots going the wrong way on the highway you've got to look out for. They're all honking their horns like it's my fault!!

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What are some things that your kids have taught YOU? That I can tolerate damn near anything. I learned this when my daughter pooped into my hand when I was changing her.

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Has anything given your life a new meaning lately? I just got laid off, so things do have a whole new meaning now. 10.5% unemployment in California (more here in LA), so it's a little daunting. But I'm not that worried about it since my particular set of skills is fairly unique and I've got a good network set up. Going to take a couple of weeks off, then dig in to find something new. Wish me luck!

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Do questions written in CAPS give you a headache when you see them? They may be good legitimate questions but you avoid them because they hurt your head? The All-Caps question doesn't bother me as much as the text speak question (R U gr8?)

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What attractions would you expect to see at a 'Disney World for Adults'? "The Prostate Rotunda" Take a memorable gondola ride through the Tunnel Of Mystery (sound system plays "It's A Small World) until you reach the interactive portion of the ride. Use your "boom stick" to take a needle biopsy! Thrill to the cryptosporidium. Don't worry, everything comes out in the end. In 3D!!

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What country or state were you born in? and do you live in the same one now? After a round about route that took 30 some-odd years, yes I'm back home in my "home state."

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Name a themed hotel you would like to see in Las Vegas? Battlestar Galactica On The Strip! What? Am not a geek. Shut up and get out of my mom's basement. This is my turf!

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Do you live near mountains, and if so, which ones? The San Gabriel Mountains to the north.

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How would you fill in the blank? "Good men are almost always ___ men" married

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How would you fill in the blank? "Good men are almost always ___ men" married

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Do thoughts or true problems inspire your questions? I don't really bring serious problems onto AB. My questions are usually a result of something that pops into my head as I'm sitting here in front of the computer.

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Do you have 'outrage fatigue' when it comes to the recent unethical government and business practices? That is exactly the right term for what I feel. I have a glimmer of hope since the new administration has come in, but having just been laid off in a state with 10.5% unemployment doesn't make it any easier.

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Who's in charge of taking out the garbage from your home? I'm the only guy in the house (hell, even the cat is female) so the duty falls to yours truly. But as soon as my 7 year old gets a little muscle on her slim frame you can bet she's going to have a new job in the house!

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Does your home have a junk drawer? Have a look, what's in it? Drawer? Hell, we've got a junk DESK! Seven drawers of detrius from ages past. It's kinda like a time capsule that we keep updating with more crap every year.

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Do you typically date people who are older or younger than you? I've been all over the map. When I was 18 I dated a 44 year old. When I was in my early 30's I dated a 21 year old. Age never really entered into the equation for me.

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What happens during sleep that doesn't happen during meditation? During meditation, I'm at peace. During sleep, I'm in my old high school cafeteria in my underwear.

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How long will you be married on your next wedding anniversary? 10 years on April 29.

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What would be a good comeback after someone says your gay Look him in the eye and say with your best southern drawl, "Well boy, I never much considered it, but you do got a purty mouth. SQUEEEEEEAL lahk a pig!"

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Have you ever had a melt down in public? What happened? I was standing outside my workplace when a bus pulled up in front of me at a bus stop. An old lady was trying to get off but having trouble getting down the stairs of the bus. There was a crazy guy behind her waiting to get off. (We all have seen this guy walking down the street talking and screaming to himself...true nutso.) I guess he got tired of waiting so he shoved her as hard as he...

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If you and one other person were the last two people left on earth, who would you NOT want the other person to be? The man-goblin known as Ann Coulter.

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The Bible is___________. important to many.

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Have you ever been down route 66? I live about a half mile from it, so yes, I've gotten more than my share of kicks on that road...along with traffic.

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Have you ever found a bug in your food? Half of one...I don't want to talk about it.

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I am 25 (almost 26) and I love someone who is 9 yrs older than me. Do you think that is too old for me? I met my wife when she was 21 and I was 31. We got married when she was 25 and now we've got two beautiful daughters. You tell me? Should she have not gone out with me because I was 10 years older? Go for it.

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Should Michael Jackson and Britney Spears team up to tour? What would you call this? The No Noses/No Panties Tour sponsored by Valtrex and NAMBLA.

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Women and Men: Do you drive a sports car, mini van, truck, jeep, SUV, or luxury car? The wife drives an SUV and I drive a station wagon whose name is "The Daddy Mobile."

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Do you like your oatmeal lumpy? I don't like oatmeal, period. I've tried and tried. Different flavors, consistencies, etc. But it just isn't for me.

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If you died in 30 minutes, would you be happy with your life/legacy? Absolutely. But thanks for the warning. I need to go mow the lawn before I go! Seriously though, I would leave two wonderful kids, a fantastic wife to protect and teach them, and thanks to my insurance policy, a mortgage free house to stay warm and dry in. I've left nothing unsaid with anyone in my family. No regrets. I'll be keeping an eye on my girls as they grow and if...

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Guys: Do you prefer it if a girl texts you first? No. If a girl texts me, it is my wife asking me to stop on the way home from work to pick up some milk.

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What did it say on the last "message T-shirt" that you got? "Frack Me" A Battlestar Galactica T-shirt.

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What is the most difficult thing about being a parent? There is very little "down time" after you have kids. Sleep? Nah. Sex with the missus? Not so much anymore. Watching regular, grown-up TV? That'll have to wait.

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What could I do to get your full attention? Fire a gun in my house.

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Do you laugh at dumb jokes to be kind? Of course. I have kids. I don't want to give them a complex.

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Who is more evil, Dogbert or Catbert? Catbert is more truly evil. Dogbert has shown on occasion that he cares for Dilbert and has come to his defense more than once.

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If today's knights still did knightly things like joust, who do you think would win: Sir Paul McCartney or Sir Elton John? Let's be honest here. I believe Sir Elton has much more experience with two men coming toward each other with long hard staves.

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Why aren't men fair? A sexist, generalistic quesion deserves the same type of answer: Because we don't have to be fair. We have all the money and all the power. We are allowed to do things in public that would be frowned upon if a woman did them (spitting, adjusting ourselves, belching, farting, etc.) We control all the weapons, we know all the launch codes, and we have the most testosterone. There....

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Do you think it's okay to get a baby's ears pierced? Nay. I pick my battles in my marriage. There aren't many issues important enough to me to put my foot down and absolutely forbid my wife from doing something. This was one of the times that I drew a line in the sand. Babies have enough leaky holes in their bodies to begin with, they don't need more. Once my daughters are old enough to ask for them, then they can get it done.

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What are your plans for your income tax refunds? Paying off credit card bills...unfortunately. I might squirrel away a few hundred to take the better half away for the weekend. We'll see.

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What doesn't go well with nudity? Gravity.

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Would you rather kill the person who came up with radio ads or pop-ups? I don't think they deserve to die, but they do deserve to have their full name, personal email address and phone number listed on all radio ads and pop-ups that they created.

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How much does it really matter if a woman is skinny or has a few extra pounds as long as she is a great person? It doesn't matter even a little bit to the right person. If someone is saying, "Wow, I'd really love her if she took off a couple of pounds." They should not be together.

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Conspiracy theories have always interested me. What, if anything, is it that the government does NOT want you to know? I think alot of the top secret stuff would be really boring if we found out about it. But I'm sure there are some interesting secrets regarding Area 51, JFK's death, etc.

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What is the best conversation starter after an awkward pause? "Lotta weather we've been having..."

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If you were to scream anything right now what would you scream? SORRY TO WAKE YOU, HONEY!! IT'S SWANNIE0212'S FAULT!!

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Guys, if you are on a shopping trip with your wife or girlfriend, would you prefer to walk alongside just to be near her and help out or walk elsewhere in the store and look at other items that may be more interesting? We usually stick together, unless we're in a hurry, or she's looking at clothes/shoes. We have a standing agreement that if she walks into the women's clothing/shoe department, or I walk into the electronics/hardware department, the other is not obligated to hang around.

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When you reached 40 did you think 'Its all over now'...? Nope. I had a 4 year old daughter and another on the way; my job was ramping up nicely; and my wife (10 years younger than me) was looking hotter than ever. My life was just getting interesting!

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I was once told that in a successful relationship, one person has to be the "boss" and the other must play along (i.e. be the nincompoop). That's why there are so many break-ups and strife with two people who want to be "boss." Your thoughts? I'm the boss in some aspects of our relationship and household, and my wife is the boss in others. We developed these roles fairly early on in our marriage and it's helped us through a few trying times.

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If you were a gem/stone, what would you be? Shale.

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You open your door. There's 2 police officers standing there. What is your first thought? My wife (or my kids) are dead.

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Would you date a dumb girl if she was hot? Life's too short. I need stimulating conversation just as much as I need stimulating non-conversation. I'm sure she'll find someone that will treat her very well.

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If you let your best friend watch your kids for the day and he called you and told you that he lost them what would your reaction be? Call 9-1-1 right now. I'm on my way.

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Here's one of my favorite bumper stickers "Stupid Kills but not often Enough" What's yours? I had one when I was a teen-ager that said, "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes" Why no, I didn't have that many girlfriends in high school...why do you ask?

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If anger could be eaten, it would be like eating _ _ _ _ _ (fill in blank) vomit-coated razor blades.

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What are the top three most attractive traits you desire in a partner? Humor, intellect, and honesty. Luckily I found her and married her.

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How long does it take to die? Your whole life.

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"the truth always comes out" do you believe this to be true? Yes, eventually. But frequently not in time.

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Song lyrics - what is the best line ever? "Blinded by the light Wrapped up like a deuce Another roller in the night." Just because it's so often mispronounced...it even might be misspelled here!

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Have you ever tried to look older? Name one thing that would work? My beard has more gray in it than the hair on my head, so when I let my beard grow out it does age me some. I have a youngish face so I've always struggled to look my age. But once I passed forty, I wasn't so worried about it anymore.

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Do you think Blago deserved to be ousted? He's a huge distraction at the very least. The impeachment process is flawed to me in that it is not tied in any way to any criminal proceedings. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be ousted, but I would prefer that criminal wrong-doing be proven before impeachment could take place.

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What's your name? Jeff. 43.

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Are you a geezer? NO! Now get off my damn lawn!!

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Who IS that in your Framed Photo...? That's Jessica (my oldest) when she graduated Kindergarten. Frankly, just between you, me and the fence post, I think the whole graduation ceremony thing for anything but High School and College is a little lame.

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Why are you afraid of dying Been there, done that. A failed suicide attempt in 1992 led to an interesting experience of which I do not often speak. I'm not very religious, but I am very spiritual. I do believe that we move on to something else once we shed this physical form.

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Do you remember the name of your first boyfriend (or girlfriend)? Where are they now? Her name was Kathy. I was 14 and she was 15. We were together about 6 months. She was killed in a car accident when she was 17. I've got a beautiful wife and two gorgeous little girls now, but I often think of Kathy and her smile.

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Guess the logo part 2 - TV companies!! (again, post your score....mine was 42.43%) Your time was 00:44:45 You rank 82.29% among our users. Woo-hoo!! Who said watching TV was BAD for you. BOOYAH!!

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Superbowl Sunday 2009? Both my teams have long been out of the hunt so I'm pulling for the underdog even though we all know how this will end.

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What or who woke you up this morning? A sharp Tae-Kwon-Do kick to the kidney from my sleeping two year old.

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Guess the Logo.... (dont forget to post your score!!! I was 37%) 44.67%. My time was 1:38.

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When did you stop biting your nails? I bit my nails when I was a kid. My mom threatened to paint my nails bright pink before sending me to school. That pretty much brought my nail-biting career to a screeching halt.

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How important to you is it that your Mother likes, or at least approves of, your partner? It was very important that my Mom like my new girlfriend. They bonded over baseball. They sat in the living room and watched the Angels game while my step-dad and I made dinner...what's wrong with this picture??!? That girlfriend became my wife. I danced with my mom at my wedding four months after she had a stroke, and unfortunately my mom didn't live long enough to meet her...

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What time do you work from? I usually get to the office around 7am. Since I'm in California and many of my coworkers are in Europe I need to get in early so I can talk to them before they go home for the day.

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Why doesn't the Pastor Ted Haggard just come out already instead of maintaining his hypocrisy? He was brought up believing that certain things were morally wrong. He built his life and career around these beliefs. By the time he discovered we was actually gay (at least part of the time) he knew that he had built his moral tower so high that any slip would mean instant doom. It's sad when people box themselves in like this because they create their own prison.

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"The only stupid question is the one not asked." I don't necessarily believe that's true. What are some examples of truly stupid questions that you have heard asked? Other than the obvious ones already reported from AB, my all-time favorite generally stupid question is... "Are you asleep?"

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If you quit an addiction, did you gain or lose weight? I went from 128 lbs to 155 lbs in the 38 days I was in rehab in 1993. I guess eating solid food for meals makes a difference.

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You have reached the answering machine of NUNYA, please leave a message after the beep. <<<BEEP>>>> What is your message? Hi...ummm, "Nunya. I think I found your wallet in the mens room at The Kitty Kat Klub. Dude, there's like 400 bucks in here! You need to be more careful. Not to mention the nude picture of you with Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, and Nicole Kidman. Anyway, if you want it back you can call me back at... <beeeeep> Message time limit has been reached.

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Do you prefer to confuse, peruse or amuse? Amuse...always.

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Taking care of business....What are you taking care of today? Gotta fix the washing machine. It started leaking last night so I think one of the kids socks is trapped in the water outflow pipe. Kinda rainy today here is "sunny" SoCal, so yard work doesn't look like it's going to be part of the plan...but who knows. Maybe I'll just feel like getting soggy just to feel the soil in my hands.

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What’s your advice to someone who’s on her journey to find her true voice and her true self? If she's actually ON the journey, then she's a step ahead of the rest of us. I'm in no position to offer more than a hearty, "Good luck."

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How do you cope with knowing someone you love is going to die? I'm strong for them in life, then I allow myself to fall apart after they're gone.

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Would you be in a relationship just for the sex? I have been and it didn't last long!

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WHEN you get to heaven whats the first thing you say to GOD? Thanks for everything. So the duck-billed platypus...what were you thinking??

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WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN? What? We just wanted to make you breakfast!

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At what age did you lose your virginity or haven't you yet? And what age are you now? I was 14. It was December 22, 1979. I'm 43 now. Holy crap...that's almost 30 years! I need to lay down.

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How would you define "Sexy"? The kids at the in-laws and my wife wearing one of my dress shirts and a smile. Oy!

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Under what circumstances have gotten you the angriest you've ever been? When I was 17 my girlfriend was raped by an ex-boyfriend. I went to his house. No more need be said.

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The Police are at the door and they don't look friendly. What did you do? I KNEW that mattress tag thing would come back to bite me in the a$$! Quick! Sew it back on! I'll stall them.

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Is there something or someone that you are afraid of losing? My two little girls.

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Today is a blank page, what is your first sentence? Must....have....COFFEE!!

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Do you poop in front of your mate? No. I wouldn't mind it, but my wife likes breathing oxygen. The methane that fills the room isn't up to her standards. She's picky like that.

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Whats your favorite adult cartoon?..The simpsons, family guy,shrek,etc. I love Venture Brothers! Okay, that sounds a little weird. I like the show Venture Brothers. There, that's better.

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How do you tell someone that they are terrible in bed without hurting their feelings? My wife and I had some adjustments to make when we started sleeping together. She wasn't very experienced, but I knew she was The One, so we worked together on our techniques. She was a quick learner and I found out a couple of things that I didn't know that made her toes curl. But practice makes perfect so even after 12 years together we still practice as often as we can.

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What is the baddest thing you ever sat on by mistake? What I thought was a pile of laundry on the bed was actually my 4 month old daughter. Luckily no damage was done other than waking her up.

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Is your neighborhood ethnically diverse? Yep. Middle class neighborhood. Pino, a latino lives across the street. We've got a Jewish neighbor a couple of doors down that I've never actually met. We had a black family next door until just recently. My wife is Phillippino, so we've got a good mix around here.

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How have you ever gotten over the death of your parent? My mom died the year my first daughter, Jessica was born. We were planning a trip to go out and introduce my mom to her first granddaughter. My mom died the week prior to our trip. My one true regret in life is that they never had a chance to meet. Jessica has the exact same eyes as my mom and sometimes when I'm looking at her I see my mom. It sneaks up on me a little and it hurts...

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Can you freeze a person? Just ask Walt Disney.

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Were you a virgin when you got married? Nope, just barely missed it by 20 years.

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What do you hope is in the crock at the foot of you own personal rainbow? I already found it. My two daughters were there.

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In Oklahoma, whaling is illegal. Am I missing something? A very forward-thinking move on Oklahoma's part. When the big earthquake hits, the waters of the Pacific Ocean will be lapping at their shores. They just want to be ready.

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What's something about yourself that you hope will NEVER change? My ability to laugh at myself.

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What are your favorite quotes? You can tell the character of a person by the way they treat people they don't need. - Anon.

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Which song/artist/pop culture icon/movie/show do you secretly love even though you deny it to your friends/family? I've got the Spice Girls on my iPod. My dark secret is now out for the world to see. Be gentle.

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Who or what did you find in your bed this morning? The wife, the 2 year old, and our cat Ro.

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Would you remarry your partner? I did already. She wasn't really able to enjoy our "official" marriage ceremony because she was in the back while all the good stuff was going on (flower girls, ring bearer, etc.) So I married her again on a beach in Maui during our honeymoon. Just me and her, a local preacher, a photographer, and the woman who I hired to help me set it up who also acted as our witness. ...

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Mistakes help you learn, but is there some you regret making? Sure, but to be clear I don't think you can call it a mistake unless you regret the action on some level. The regret is the thing that makes you learn.

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Do men prefer women with tattoos or without them? I like unique tats on women. Just not the "tramp stamp." Nothing interesting about those anymore...except for some of the people you see them on.

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What's your uncle's name? The only two left are Dave and Cliff. I had a Bob, Chuck and Dick who have all passed on.

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What is your New Years resolution? Quit smoking (again), get down to about 175 lbs (another 18 lbs to go!), and get my new job down pat so everyone at works mentions me in the same breath as the guy I replaced (who was much love and respected.)

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If all of your sexual fantasies happened in real life would someone end up in prison? No, but I would end up in traction.

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Im bored and its new years eve. What are you lot doing? Im just waiting for tomorrow :( Having little kids, New Years Eve isn't quite what it used to be. The wife usually hits the sack early and I wind up watching Dick Clark struggle through another ball drop. I credit the man for his tenacity and drive struggling back from a stroke, but I frankly couldn't understand a damn word he said last year. I wish nothing but the best for him tonight since I despise Ryan...

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What was your first job? how much were you making? My first official job was at Sears and Roebuck in Connecticut. $5.25 an hour. My first unofficial underage job was picking tobacco during summer break when I was 14. $45 a day under the table.

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Are you a mattress tag tearer? Yep. I'm a rebel. That's just how I roll. Do not mess.

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What item that needs batteries is nearest to you? My new Xbox gamepad for my PC.

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The Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny? Tooth Fairy. She's hot.

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If you can bring to life any inanimate object, what would it be? And Y? My car. "Come on, Sable. Let's go to work." "Yes sir. Just sit back and relax. We'll be there in less than an hour. I know a back way."

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Do you think Bush and the people that helped him steal his first term should be investigated and tried? I could give a damn about the election. I want him tried on the illegal wire-tapping, illegal war, etc. Over 4,000 honorable soldiers dead because he wanted to play "bang bang."

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Do you / did you make your children say thank you when they receive a gift? Absolutely. My kids are taught to say thank you for anything that is done for them or given to them. When my 2 year old wants a snack, she knows to say, "Food please." Sometimes we've got to remind her to say "Thank You" when we give it to her, but for the most part she remembers. We did the same thing with our 6 year old and it's second nature for her now.

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Can you clap with your feet? Yep. And I didn't know I could until I read this question. So thanks for that. Not sure what I'm going to do with my new skill, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

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Overall...do you really like who you are... After alot of hard work and a stumble here and there, yes.

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Do you think you failed your parents? More times than I can count, but they kept coming back and loving me anyway. I finally grew up enough to realize their sacrifice and made amends...but of course my mom wouldn't hear of it. "Nothing to apologize for, dear." God, I miss that woman.

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When you mislay something in your house, how many times do you keep looking in the same place before you realise it's not there.? I look in a given spot enough times that my wife finally gets flustered, finds the item herself and places it there. It's a win-win situation. I maintain my supremacy as the intellectual in the house and my wife knows better.

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Trying to show my wife what a wide range of people are on AB. She just watched me playing around on AB for the 1st time last night, and she is kind of impressed. Just city/state, or city/country...Where are you from? Near Pasadena California. A little town called Duarte. AnswerBag...where the lunatics truly run the asylum. Crazy people are welcome. Mean people are encouraged to redirect their efforts on YahooAnswers.

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Its in tagalog and i need the einglish translation> kaw lang teh!! sguro masakit na naman ang pwet mo lol!! wla gidko te nagaway naman kami ni Cory..kakainis nga eh! This is a rough translation because some of this is indecipherable, but here goes... "It's you. I'm sure your butt is hurting again. <<indecipherable - wla gidko te>> Cory and I fought again. It's really disturbing."

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Whats one thing I can always find in your pocket? My sobriety medallion. Every year my dad sends me a new one to carry. I'll get my 16th on Jan. 4.

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How do you prefer to smoke? Bowl, joint, blunt, bong? When I used to smoke and by myself, I was always partial to the bong. No waste, no muss, no fuss. If there were a couple people around, I'd break out the bowl. I always thought that joints were a huge waste of dope, especially when you've got that one guy that bogies the thing all night.

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Have you ever been to the doctors and when you were explaining your symptoms to him/her, realized that you were not as ill as you thought you were and suddenly felt embarassed for going in the first place? I always feel like a whiner when I go to the doctor. I don't know why. When I'm sitting in the waiting room, I am imagining him giving me a blank stare as I describe my symptoms. Then as he is slowly shaking his head, he says, "You need to cowboy up. What a wuss." Of course that never happens, but that's what goes through my head.

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Interesting names: Dr. Munchkin (Pediatrician). Dr. Idebidde (pronounced itty bitty)(Neonatologist). Can you add to the list? My dentists name is Dr. Hu (Dr. Who)

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Is there one thing that give you shivers? Hearing my 6 yr old daughter tell her 2 yr old sister, "Stick this fork in there and see what happens!"

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What really matters anymore? You impact everyone you meet. Leave the world a better place than you found it. The meaning of life: Be Nice.

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I am having a grand opening to my new male escort business. Do you have any ideas for a marketing promotion to bring the people thru the doors? 2 for 1 Wednesdays or With every 10th visit receive a free house-cleaning from your favorite escort, sans clothing. or 10% off any "Specialty Services". This promotion cannot include and illegal or physically dangerous activities.

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Should women propose to men? That sure would have made my day easier. I thought I was going to throw up when I got on one knee. Luckily she said yes, but it would have been nice to see her on HER knees that day. Wow, that image brings up all kinds of thoughts that make me all tingly. I think I'll go drop the kids off at the in-laws. Talk to you later.

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You see a cute and fluffy kitten, you see someone approach it-then all of a sudden the kitten eats the person whole in one bite what do you do? Assume it's full and try to adopt it as a watch-cat for my house. I'd like to see those damn raccoons try to use my cat-door to get at the cat food NOW!!

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Is it gay for a guy to hug another guy? As a person that works in the entertainment industry in Souther California, this is a standard form of greeting among men, women, and all in between. Now, if I hug another guy and he cups my ass cheek during the hug...that's a different story altogether.

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What, if anything, do you do for people who have no family to be with at Christmas time and New Years? When we have holiday parties with my family it's standard practice to bring along anyone who doesn't have any family. Since I married a Phillippino, there's always plenty of food so spur-of-the-moment additions have never been a problem. And as someone who was far from home in my 20's who was always included by my upstairs neighbor to celebrate with her family, I can...

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If you had to share a jail cell with any infamous criminal (past or present), who would it be? (Assume that your safety would not be a factor) Charles Manson. Just to see what's going on in that jacked up brain of his.

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"A kiss is just a kiss, and nothing more".. Is that true?? Not when I walk in the door after a long, sh*tty day and I get smothered with them from my 2 and 6 year old girls. It's like the day I just had washes away. Nothing else in the world could do that.

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Have you even been in a relationship with a person that was a different race from you? Did you ever face discrimination for it? I'm married to a woman of a different race and I've never even caught a whiff of discrimination. Of course, I live in Los Angeles. There's not much that raises eyebrows around here. I could be french-kissing a duck-billed platypus on the corner of Western and Santa Monica Blvds and the only nasty looks I would get is because we're blocking the crosswalk.

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Which do you think is more special...."I love you" (for the first time) or "Will you marry me?" Wow! That's a really tough one. I was mortified the first time I said "I love you" to my (now) wife. I really didn't know what to expect. We had been talking about marriage for some time before I popped the question, so I was on a little more solid footing, but still...nerve-wracking. I'm going to have to go with the first, "I love you" as more special.

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What is the most difficult thing for you to "condense" or throw away when you move? Books. I've got zillions of them and every time I've moved I think, "Ooh, I've gotta read that again!"...and never do.

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Imagine you've been locked up for 10 years. Today, you are free. What is the first thing that you would do? Kiss my girls and take them to lunch.

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Do you have little Endearing Nicknames for your Children? I call Natalie, the 2 yr old "Booger" I don't know why. They brought her in to me while they were cleaning up my wife after the C-section and it was just Natalie and I...and I said, "Well hello there, you little booger." I'm probably going to have to stop calling her that when she starts bringing boys over...maybe.

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A guy I have been dating 6 wks lied about his age on his online profile. He hasn't said it outloud and has removed his profile for last weeks now, but it said he was 37 but he has run a few marathons and results show he is 40. I'm 31. Thoughts? If he had said he was 17 but was actually 40 then that would raise a red flag for me. But to lie by 3 years? I don't see it as a big deal. Might have been a simple error...when us guys get past 40 math gets harder.

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Have you ever feared for your life while travelling in a foreign country? In the last month I've been to Madrid, Milan, and Tokyo. I felt relatively safe in all three.

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Were you tempted to punch anyone in the face today? Well I just woke up about 20 minutes ago, so no. But the day is young and full of promise.

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In "the witcher" I can't find Triss after sending Alvin to her house after talkin to Shani. Alvin is running around in the house though but not Triss. Where could she be. Is this a bug? I just finished playing through the game. You may have to finish one or two other "main" quests before she'll show up at the house. Some parent SHE is...leaving the kid alone in a strange house!

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What in the hell is wrong with this regex? /^[a-zA-Z0-9]+([-\\.\\+_][a-zA-Z0-9]+)*@[a-zA-Z0-9]+([-\\.][a-zA-Z0-9]+)\\.[a-zA-Z0-9]+$/ I'm giving both the questioner and the responder points, because I have no earthly idea what the hell you're talking about. Let me know how this works out for you. If it builds a better mousetrap, then I'll buy it.

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The last time you bled, what accident happened to cause it? Tried to open one of those hard-shell plastic packages that small electronics come in. Dug the scissors into my left hand.

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What do you do when you fall for your best friend? That's a tough one. When it happened to me I joked around with her that we got along so well that we should just get together. I didn't hint that it was how I truly felt. I made it a joke. I was able to read her reaction and discovered that she did not feel the same way. She remained my friend. I went to her wedding. She's married to a great guy now and has a fantastic...

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If you hurt someone you love, do you apologize or do you believe that "true love means never having to say you're sorry"? And Why? I apologize, and I make it good. I would want her to do the same if she did something wrong. Not that she ever DOES, mind you. But on that day I would expect an apology.

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Is the leader of your country/state/province for or against gay and lesbian marriage? The U.S. President is against gay marriage. The Governor of my state of California is for it. We just had a state wide vote and a proposition to create an amendment to the state constitution banning gay marriage passed. This will be the first amendment ever written that will be used to exclude a group of people from the basic right of marriage. All previous amendments were inclusionary...

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Some of you have heard me speak of my son these past six months. I just wanted everyone to know that he is doing so very much better. Do you mind my telling you about my good news? My best friend's 8 year old daughter died of a brain tumor last Thursday, so hearing your good news is a Godsend. I hope everything is back to normal for you very soon.

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How many times have you told yourself,,,I Will never do that again 1144 times. That's the number of Friday nights I've experienced since I turned drinking age.

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What toy have you bought for your child that you enjoy more than they do? MarioKart for the Wii. She starts playing it then gets stuck or frustrated so I'll just help her finish the race...then I'll do another since I'm sitting there...then another, and another, and another.

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How many of your friends have the same political views as you? Most, but not all.

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Do you and your spouse have an "allowance"? If so, do you put it in separate accounts... or just pull a lump sum? The bulk of both our paychecks goes into a single "House Account" that pays the bills and keeps the kids clothed. But we each have our own personal account where a small portion of our own paychecks go. That money is our play money to do with what we please.

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If you could do one thing to make your mom really proud of you, what would it be? I did it, but too late for her to see. I got sober and now have two beautiful daughters that she never got to meet.

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What is the fastest you ever drove a car, WITHOUT getting a ticket? I got up to about 115 MPH in my old Corolla. My wife was about 8 months pregnant, and on the phone with me when she got into a car accident. The phone got cut off and she didn't answer when I tried calling back. I knew about where she was so I booked as fast as I possibly could. I didn't care if there was a cop or not. Everything was fine. She was shaken up and our...

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Who would win at arm wrestling: Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz" or Alice in Wonderland? Well let's see now... On the one hand you've got a pampered English 'shroom addict blueblood; And on the other you've got a cornfed Kansas girl who not only walked a hell of a long way, but she also single-handedly eliminated a terrorist threat (Wicked Witch) and toppled a dictatorship (Oz) along the way. No doubt about it; Dorothy would kick Alice's ass six...

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If you saw a woman who had a nipple slip, would you tell her? After 3 or 4 hours, absolutely!

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Can you come up with a good caption for this picture? See my answer... Man, look at that bitch over there! Dude, she's totally giving me the eye.

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What sport or activity did you do as a child? Have you continued it as an adult? I got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and was on cross country track. No and no. I still run, but it's from meeting to meeting now.

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Would you cancel a HOT date for a friend in need? I would and I have. Luckily, the woman I cancelled on understood and we rescheduled. I wound up marrying her.

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Who is the last person that you talked with on the phone? A co-worker in Germany. We're trying to get clearance from the owners to use images from the Peanuts special "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" to develop a website promoting that DVD title in Germany.

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Would you stay with your b/f if he told you he will not marry you if you get your haircut, i have been with him for 2 years, he is a very negative person, and has lied alot to me about little things, he makes up stories to tell me and others , Okay, I'm assuming he's got at least SOME redeeming qualities that you didn't have room to discuss here. Or maybe not. So, I guess he's more in love with your hair than he is with you. Tell you what, go get your head shaved bald. Collect up the hair and give it to him. Let him sleep with your hair while you move on with your life and find someone that loves YOU....

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Do Satanists who screw up go to Heaven as a punishment when they die? Okay, it seems that a few people are taking this question more seriously than I did. I'm giving you points because this question cracked me up.

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Let's say Jesus came to your house uninvited. What's the first thing you would say to him and show him anywhere? "Let's get you some anti-biotic cream for those hands."

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Think quick. A new $100,000 wardrobe for the next ten years, (10,000) per year or a new $50,000 car? No you can't return the clothes and get a refund, lol your pick? The car! What the hell am I going to do with $100k worth of clothes??!?

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How can you tell if someone is nude? If you're looking at them and think, "Bad hair day", and you're not looking at their head.

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Would you marry a 90-year-old billionaire? Sure, as long as it's okay with my wife.

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What is the first word you say when you take a call ? Hello ? Good Morning ? etc., At home, "Hello?" At work, "This is Jeff."

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Honestly, have you ever considered yourself better than everyone else? And if not all people, then at least some? I was recently in a room filled with people and for some reason I thought to myself, "I could totally smoke everyone in this room in a one-on-one game of basketball!" Of course the realization that I was in my daughter's first grade classroom at the time brought me back down to earth a little.

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You and your partner are planning to go see a movie. How do you typically make the final decision about which movie to see? She has her say, then I have my say, then we go to hers.

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Now that the tickets are set.Who is lying more? I think this was the first time that the AP newswire put out a fact-check sheet after a nominees speech to correct all of the errors, ommissions and outright lies. All politicians lie. That's the nature of the job, but I think Sarah Palin set a record that night at the RNC.

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What caption can you write for this picture? See my answer! "When she told me I could go out and 'water the bushes', this is NOT what I thought she meant!"

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Do you also think that Sen. John McCain gave a great speach now? I haven't watched either of the conventions. I happened to catch Michelle Obama's speech at last weeks DNC, but other than that, I've stayed away. I read and make my own decisions about who is going to do less damage over a 4-8 year span.

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The next guy I see I am going to ask out on a date? Is this a wise decision? Not in my neighborhood. There's Mel across the street. He retired about 30 years ago. He can still almost make it to the mailbox and back in one trip. Then there's Mr. Get-The-Hell-Off-My-Lawn, two doors down. I don't know his real name. He's bow-legged and pissed off all day long. He has 7 cats. I think maybe you would have liked Jason down the street....

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If you could give a million dollars to anyone in the world (besides yourself) who would it be and why...? My daughters. Don't really need to say why.

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Is the sun shining for you today? Sure is. Of course I live in Southern California where it is a legal requirement that the sun shines a minimum of 362 days a year. Those other three days usually consist of torrential rains, mudslides, earthquakes, and fires.

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Dog is man's best friend. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Who would you rather have as a best friend? Diamonds please. Then I'll sell them, set up an animal rescue with the proceeds and adopt as many dogs from the pound as I can that are about to be put down.

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At what age did you realize your parents weren't as smart or wise as you thought they were? When I was 9. I got accused of not taking out the trash when, in fact, I had.

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If you hit re-dial on your phone RIGHT NOW, who would you get? A damn telemarketer. In fact that would be the last 5 phone calls today. I'm supposed to be on a Do-Not-Call list, but apparently that doesn't count for companies that I have products or services with. GRRRRR.

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What will you give me? My heartfelt wishes for a spectacular day and 5 points.

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What's the worst case scenario? Strap a 2 year old into the car seat with a double-scoop ice cream cone and the answer will become evident rather shortly.

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Where is your better half? In the living room with the two-year old watching the Olympics.

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Can you name a small thing that gives you great pleasure? I've got two small things: There's a two-year old running around here that ain't but 3 feet high and 29 lbs that brings me great pleasure with games of hide-and-seek. There's also a 6-year old that thrills me with her innocent and honest insights into the world.

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What's worse, those who whine, or those who are always bitching about it? Some days there just isn't enough b*tch-slapping to go around. My arms get tired.

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What if there was an assassination attempt on Obama, in which, with one hand, Obama grabbed the would-be assassin's gun hand, and with the other, gave the would-be-assassin a good K.O. punch? It would not surprise me in the least. And then there would be the licensing deals for "Obama Beatdown: The Game", where you play a Secret Service Agent whose job it is to keep the crowd back while Obama schools some yokel with the PROPER use of the "Executive Branch," which up until now most people thought was an arm of the government.

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If you were going to Vegas to gamble, how much money would you be willing to loose in order to win? I usually set aside a certain amount specifically for gambling. Usually around $40 or $50. What's odd is that every time I go, I win just enough to pay for my meals and gas.

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Sometimes do you just feel like monkeying around? What do you do to monkey around? Fling poo at random passers-by.

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What is a motto you live by, your creed? My mom's favorite line: Be Nice.

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What does your AB name mean? I've had this username since the first day I signed onto the internet in 1994. It's part of my first name, part of my last name and and important year in my life.

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How long has it been since you were last sober? 15+ years. I got sober on January 4, 1993. Edit: Wow! I misread the question!!

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Would you give up your life for the answers to all of your questions about life ( Etc.)? No. The whole point of life is to figure stuff out and share what you've learned. If you had it all handed to you on a silver platter, what fun would that be? Besides, I've got a few more AB answers to give before I check out.

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Have you ever eaten cat or dog food (the dry kind) just to see what it tastes like? If so, any comments? Not on purpose, but I discovered the morning after I stumbled home piss-drunk that the nasty cereal I ate after I got home was cat kibble.

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What's on the other side of a black hole? A cervix?

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Would you want your first time planned or to have it just happen? Or if you already had your first time which would you have liked more? I kind of enjoyed the spontenaity and surprise of it. I would have liked it to be a little warmer, since we were outside and it was December in Connecticut. Luckily nothing froze and snapped off.

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Where did you go on your favorite roadtrip? On my last on-my-own vacation before I got married I put a cooler full of pepsi in the front seat and pointed the car that way. Within a few hours I came across a little burg called Morro Bay in California. Wound up spending three days there doing nothing and loving it. Eventually headed out and did the Hearst Castle tour, then up to Monterey for a couple of days in the Aquarium. That was...

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Do mixed race/cultures marriages work? Eight years and counting. So far, so good.

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Do you prefer being around men or women, and why? I prefer women. My best friends have always been women. I married one, and I have two children that happen to be female, so I'm all good.

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What's the first song that comes to your mind for the Eagles? Victim Of Love. That drum line is the sh*t! or Seven Bridges Road. How harmonizing is supposed to be done.

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What was a year that just seemed to drag by? 1992. The year before I got sober. I was depressed, lonely, hateful (of myself and everybody else) and I just wanted to die.

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I'm smart, i have big boobs, i'm not fat, i'm pretty, i have a good personality... why don't i have a bf? Because out of a bitter twist of fate, all the men you meet are turned on my stupid, ugly, flat-chested women with the personality of a dishrag. Trust me, you will find someone you deserve.

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Do you want to have kids, if you don't already, If you do, do you want more? I've got two now. 6 and 2 years old. I'm getting tired. I think I'm done. Only 16 more years and I can wake up when I please!

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How would you like to die? In my hovercraft...in the year 2186.

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Is it a turnoff to kiss a girl who wears lipstick? What about flavored lipgloss? To me, kissing a woman with lipstick is like kissing a greasy plate. Besides, she usually not wearing my color and it clashes with the clothes I'm wearing.

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Have you ever been told to stay away from farm animals? I kind of came to that realization myself when, one drunken evening, I discovered that "cow tipping" is something of a myth and all you wind up with is a sleepy, pissed off cow. After that, farm animals just weren't all that much fun.

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What would you do if you saw a tiger in your bedroom and there was a guitar on your left and a computer harddrive on your right? I probably wouldn't be paying much attention to two of those things...but I'd just have to know what's on that harddrive!

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Single or Commited? Commited 12 years, married 8.

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Have you ever been flashed by a stranger? Yes. I was coming out of a store in downtown Nashville when I noticed a car was driving along slowly next to me as I was walking to my car. I looked over and the driver raised his hips up off the seat to display his exposed genetalia. While impressive, I still told him I didn't feel like playing ring toss right then, but thanks anyway.

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What are some rivalries that seem stupid and illogical? Democrats and Republicans.

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What do you look like? No need. Look to the left of this answer.

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If they gave a gold medal for anything, what would you get a gold medal in? Answering, "But, why daddy?" 314 consecutive times without ever saying "Because I said so!"

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Do you think dead people know that they are dead? I think there is a consciousness that continues after death. I'm not so sure about that whole "heaven" thing, but I do think that death is simply a conversion from one state of consciousness to another. So to answer your question, yes I think dead people know their dead.

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I need to know the sq. footage of a professional ultimate Frisbee course... can anyone help me?... I need the answer fast so please help asap Click here and scroll down. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_frisbee

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Sherbet or Sorbet? Sherbet...orange.

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How long will it take a Bulldog humping a pail of water to make steam? No answer, just points up for cracking me up this morning. Thank you.

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Have you ever thought about robbing a bank? Yes. And then I thought about all the guns that would be pointed in my general direction and just decided transfer funds from my savings to my checking.

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Shouldn't members that leave negitive points for a question or comment that isn't called for be shot, stabbed, drawn & quarters, dismembered and burned? ;) Nah. Ignoring them hurts them more.

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What are the characteristics of an ABer that would make you press that "Add to Friends" button? Nothing. I've never turned one down. I do look at their profile and see if we've answered the same question that caused them to submit a friend request, but I'm not going to say no to someone who wants to be my friend.

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You'd love to have your mother's what? Sense of humor, style, income, bone structure, or metabolism? Recipe for her meatloaf. She died with the secret. (This is no joke. She made the best meatloaf in the world and never wrote down the recipe. I was hoping to find it in her personal effects after she passed, but the secret is gone forever.)

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If you have a chance to meet George W. Bush, what would you give him? A horse and a direction to ride in.

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Help overcoming procrastination? I usually procrastinate when it's a big nasty job that I'm putting off. When I absolutely have to get it done, I'll mentally break it down into chunks (Let me just get through the first 20 lines of this Excel document), then I'll take a short break as a reward. Then I'll do the next 20 lines of the doc, and so on. Large daunting tasks are much easier to handle when...

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What are three people that make you laugh? Jessica, Natalie, and Bill Cosby.

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Do you bring baggage into your new relationships or do you try to get your life in order before you get together with someone else? I spent a lot of time after I got sober getting my sh*t together and being comfortable in my own skin again. I feel very sorry for people who enter a relationship feeling as though the other person "completes them", as if they're a puzzle with a few missing pieces. A person is obviously going to enter any new relationship with the weight of their past experiences, but if...

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If you fell in love with the perfect person would you stop doing something that they really hated like smoking? That's exactly what I did. I quit smoking for her birthday while we were dating.

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How fussy are you with your coffee? I care not one whit. I want it black and I want it now. Instant, fresh-ground, whatever. Put it in a mug and hand it over and nobody has to get hurt.

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Me - " Niva is cool" You - " i agree/ disagree because ____ I agree because I have no earthly clue what a "Niva" is, so I'm just going to go with you on this one.

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What colour hair does your worst enemy have? I haven't had a "worst enemy" since I was a kid, but he had blonde hair. Tom, wherever you are, I hope you have a job you hate and drive a sh*tty car.

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At the beach my friend thought itd be funny to pull the string on my bikini top. At first I let it slide, I put it back on quickly. The second time he pulled on the bottom. I told him it wasnt cool and left. He accused me of being prude(?!) was I wrong? No you were not wrong. I wonder how he would feel if, after swimming in the cold ocean for a while, someone yanked off his swimsuit and showed the entire world his shrinkage. He's looking for a slut. You ain't that. Don't give it a second thought.

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What name did you give your most resent pet We got a brother and sister combo of cats. The boy is Finn and the girl is Ro.

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Do you forget things you are supposed to do if you do not write them down? Frequently. I'm a list freak. I love making lists.

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Whats going to happen in 2012 People will be born, people will die, the sun will rise and set 365 times. Beyond that is anybody's guess.

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Do you have a map in your glove compartment? Not anymore. For my birthday last year my dad got me a GPS system for my car. I LOVE that thing! Hell, sometimes I have it give me directions to places I already know how to get to just so I can listen to its sexy voice. Yeah baby, tell me to merge again.

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If the world was going to end and the government knew it was, do you think the government authorities would would let us know, or keep us in the dark? If there was no hope of survival at all, then I think they would keep it from us. What would be the point? All it would cause is mass panic and the collapse of civilization in its final hours. However, something that big I don't think would stay hidden for long. Somebody would blab to the wrong person and we would find out anyway.

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What does your daily "fix" involve? Tickle fights with my 2- and 6-year old girls. Can't get through the day without one.

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What do you say to a woman when your really looking for something serious? I think our first child should be named after your grandfather.

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How long were you with your s/o before you knew you loved him/her? By the third or fourth date, I realized I had found someone really special. It took me about 4 months to say those three little words for the first time.

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Can i call CPS? my daughter have a classmates that is really dirty and ugly. can i call CPS. i hate the fact that ugly kid is in my daughter class picture Yes, please call CPS and tell them that there is an ugly child in your daughters class that you want removed...like a termite infestation, or a rat problem. I would LOVE to hear what they tell you. Please post the entire conversation on here when you've made the call.

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What makes some people hate or dislike children? I generally like kids, but I can understand how some people simply don't like having them around. They lack most social graces. They don't respect private property. They can be noisy, disrespectful, obstinate and mean-spirited if they don't get their way. None of this is their fault. Either they're not old enough to have been taught these things...or they are evil...

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Look around, what is the first red object you see? A stripe on a small American flag I've got on my bookshelf. My grandpa gave it to me as a kindergarten graduation present in 1971.

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What, besides the obvious, is the most enjoyable thing to do naked? Vacuuming. Some of those attachments are off the charts!

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Can you tell it to me just one more time? Okay, but this is the last time before bed. You're mom and I met at Spanky's Roadhouse off Rt. 19, down past the railroad tracks. She looked up from the pool table when I walked in with a lusty look in her eye. She walked over to me and broke the cue stick over my head. I knew she wanted me. I kissed her hard and you were conceived in a women's bathroom stall that very...

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Would you prefer burial or cremation? I'm not much for taking up a plot of land for a vessel I'm not inhabiting anymore. You can do with it as you please. I'd prefer my body being donated to science so they can figure out someone so average was able to marry a woman so hot.

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Giving your tattooist a tip after the job's done: yes or no? Why or why not? I'm actually thinking about getting a tattoo for the first time in my life at 42 yrs old, so I'm glad you asked this question. This is good info to have.

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My ex had a dream that me and him were in a plain white world, and there was nothing except a bench that we were sitting on, and he says we were about to kiss and he woke up, what does it mean? It sounds like he only has eyes for you. His focus was entirely on you. There were no other aspects of his dream except for you and the bench. And sometimes a bench is just a bench.

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What is your greatest weakness? My daughter telling me she wants a hug. I cannot say no...and why would I??

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When you are in bed sleeping does the sound from the TV bother you when your S/O watches it? Do you kick them out of the Room or Deal With It? It bugs me. Usually she's watching something on the DVR, so she can't leave the room to watch it. If there's a few minutes left, I deal with it. If it's longer I ask her to turn it off and she usually does. Unless she's watching the season finale of American Idol...then I don't dare ask her to turn it off. I get the cold eye of death.

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Whats cool about visiting the moon? A 63-mile tee shot.

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When was the last time you got something for free? A Hellboy II poster. We've got free movie posters at work and there's always some schwag from some film convention floating around.

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If you could see someone right now who would it be? I'd like to talk to my mom. She never got a chance to meet my daughters before she died.

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Have you ever had a crush on a person that was way older than you? I was 18, she was 44. She taught me more about how to treat a woman than any person I've met since.

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How old will you be in 2050? 85. Wow.

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Do you know a secret that would blow my mind? Yes.

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Do you withhold love as a punnishment ,to children or husband? Never, ever, ever. My kids need to know that they're being punished BECAUSE I love them. I let them know that when they're coming out of a time out.

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How often did (do) you use your middle name? How often do your parents or others use it? If my mom used my middle name, it meant that I was in deep doo-doo, so I don't use it at all unless absolutely required.

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When was your champagne Birthday? (One's champagne birthday, also called a golden birthday, is the day when the age someone is turns the same as the day in the month they're was born, someone born on January 31st would celebrate their golden bday when 31) 1987

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Are you afraid being home alone? Oh hell no! I relish the days when my wife takes the kids someplace and I've got the house all to myself!

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If you were a magazine, which one would you be? Doughy White Guys Quarterly It's kind of like GQ, but it's less about style and more about how to braid your back hair.

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If your Daughter was pulled over for driving with out a license and having a marijuana pipe, Then spent 9 days in jail for refusing supervised probation would you continue to punish her? If so what would this entail? Phone priveleges - revoked Hanging out with friends - denied Tossing her room whenever I damn well please - yes indeed If I find out who she's smoking with, I'm calling the cops on them. My dad went through something similar to this with me. All I ever heard was, "it's okay" and "don't let it happen again" while I walked all over him. It...

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Do I recognize you from somewhere? You look awfully familiar... Yeah, I held your hair while you threw up in the bushes outside Spanky's Bar and Grill. Last I saw of you, you were stumbling off toward the railroad tracks. Glad to see you're okay. Oh, that phone number you gave me was disconnected.

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Happy Weight: Weight you gain when you are in a relationship and, of course, are happy. How much happy weight have you gained? I was 165 when I met her. 175 when I married her, and 200 eight years into the marriage. Damn her fine cooking!

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Are large breasts going out of "style"? Naturally large? No. Augmented? I hope so.

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Would it bother you if you found out your date was carrying a gun for protection? I would have to assume that she's got a permit to carry. That's pretty hard to get in California, so my main concern would be the people she's protecting herself from. Maybe they want to teach her a lesson by torturing and killing her date...gulp!

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Is it sexy to wear a top without a bra? For small boobs or big? When my wife does it: HOT When my grandma does it: NOT

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What would you say to your boss if you won the lotto tommorrow? "You've been the best boss I ever had. You're kids college is taken care of, and you're mortgage no longer exists. I love you with all my heart, and I retire."

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If you were to go outside and stand in the middle of the road shouting "I shall not, I shall not be moved!", what most likely happen? My neighbor across the street would bring my out an ice cold glass of homemade lemonade and chat. But since I live right at a sharp curve in the road, I'd eventually get my ass run over. At least I had some of Anne's lemonade before I was taken to the hospital.

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Do you still watch cartoons even if you are all/almost grown up? Having kids gives me a perfectly reasonable excuse for watching cartoons! Problems arise when they get bored and want to "go outside and play". I don't understand what this means. Must be some girl thing.

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Do you have multiple personalities? No!...yes...shut up! No!...maybe.

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Do you know where your mother is? Yep. Grandview Cemetary.

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Were/are you mainly a hickey giver or a hickey receiver? I've always hated them, so neither. Nothing to me is nastier than seeing an immense hickey on a person taking my order in a restaurant.

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As a child, did you ever had a bounce house (bounce-a-bout, moonwalk, etc) or merry-go-round (carousel) at any of your birthday parties? If it's free, it's a Merry-Go-Round. If I have to pay to ride, it's a Carousel.

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Why do people say human flesh tastes like chicken? What people? Where? Keep them the hell out of my neighborhood.

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What's a miracle to you? Damn near everything. A sunrise, a sunset, hearing my daughters laugh, kissing my wife, mowing my lawn, having a job I love, getting a really good parking space, someone smiling at me in the grocery store. Miracles are everywhere, but I think people have become jaded over the last hundred years. They're looking for the finger of God to come out of the clouds and cure a child of...

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If you could pick your own name, what would it be? William Gates. What? Another check got sent to me by accident?? Damn it! Sorry about that. Yeah, I'll go to the bank and fix this mess tomorrow...Promise!

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Who would win – a T. Rex or a squad (10-12 men) of U.S. infantry? Anybody want another T-Rex burger? Man, that's good eatin'!

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Do you have any ideas on how to make a workplace bully back off for good? The last one was a real bastard. I wound up walking into his office and closing the door. I sat down and flat out told him that he needed to lay off and stop being an a$$hole to my cube mates. I told him that I was collecting every offensive email he wrote (yeah, he was that stupid) and taking notes on every off-color joke he makes in the office and would submit it all to my friend in HR. ...

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How do you stand up to a bully in high school? I wasn't a big kid in high school and didn't care for fighting all that much. But I had the tendency to make friends easily. So I made friends with a few of the football players. The bully figured out fairly quickly that one word from me to a defensive end would really put a crimp in the bully's day.

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Is making a child stand facing the corner a humane punishment? Yep. It beats the hell out of a curtain rod.

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How tough/strong are you? If a hugely enormous "something" came into your life out of nowhere, could you handle it or would you cave? :) I usually stay pretty stoic and decisive during really tough times, and then when it's all done, and I'm by myself, I turn into a puddle.

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My (new) husband's ex just told her children that he will no longe be allowed to join them for birthdays because he has a new wife. She will never change, but how does he let the children know he is not choosing me over them? I don't know why you got DR'ed for that question. You can always hold another birthday party for the kids if the mother is going to act like that. What kid is going to turn down TWO birthday parties. You don't mention how old the kids are, but depending on their age, he may be able to tell them that their mother and he don't see eye to eye on some things but that...

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Have you ever shaken hands with a famous person? I work in Burbank for a studio with a W and a B in it. We've always got somebody famous getting in to the elevator. Most of the time I leave them alone, but once in a while I can't help myself and have to shake their hand.

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Did you know it is six months till christmas tomorrow? I haven't even paid of LAST Christmas yet!!

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What is the first thing that comes to mind when i say chuck? My dad.

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What is the best gadget ever made? Recently, I've been gaga over my new GPS. I have it give me directions for places I already know how to get to just to hear its sexy female voice telling me sternly to turn left NOW. Of all time? I'd have to say the flush toilet.

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If you have ever been in the hospital, what was the worst part? When I was six or seven years old I went into the hospital for about a week with a stomach ailment. What with my sparkling personality and all, I was a favorite with the nurses. One morning, one of them walked in with the largest needle I have ever seen, before or since. I must have turned a whiter shade of pale (thanks Procol Harum) because she stopped dead in her tracks, then followed my...

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My poor, exhausted Life Penguin, gtravels, battled 6 1/2 hrs of NJ/NY traffic today, all so I could see my son this weekend. Who out there thinks this makes her an exceptional Stepmom?;) She's exceptional, period.

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Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight, who agrees? This is absolutely true for my wife and me. We never, never, never go to sleep mad at each other. Usually we make up (then spend another hour or so REALLY making up), but once in a while we just get to a place where okay with each other, but not mad anymore. We also agree that this subject is closed and is not allowed to be used as ammunition in a future argument.

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"If I can't have you,then no one else will" how would this make you feel if someone said this to you? If my wife said it, great! If Burt, two cubicles down said it...

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When was the last time you saw your Mom? April 29, 2000. My wedding day. Four months before, she had a stroke, and we STILL got to have our Mother-Son dance. Not a dry eye in the place. She lived a couple of states over, so we didn't see much of each other. In 2002, our daughter was born and our intention was to take a flight about 6 months after that so they could meet for the first time. I had booked the tickets and...

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Does anyone else find this Livestrong.com ad distracting? Yeah, but I'll get used to it. But, I swear to you, if they start running those jittery ads on the sidebars that tell me I'm a winner, I'm going to...to...hell, I don't know. Probably something terrible.

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What are the 5 things that are nearest to you right now? 1. iPod 2. CD with voiceover for the podcast I'm producing 3. notepad 4. sunglasses 5. Paperwork detailing how to host video trailers on our network and push them live to our various web sites.

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Whats the best thing that has happened to you today? My 6 yr old woke up long enough to tell me she loved me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

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What are you certain of? That I will not answer this ques... oh damn.

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Why didn't you call me last night? I am so sorry! I had this thing at this place, and then I came home and went straight to the phone to call you, but the power was out, so I went in to use my cellphone, but I wasn't getting any reception, so I went to a neighbors house to use their phone, but they weren't home, so I tried to get in a back window, but someone saw me and called the cops (I should have used their...

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What's the next retro TV show to be made into a big screen flop? My company is working on a big screen version of CHiPs right now! It's in development hell at the current time but Wilmer Valderrama from "That 70's Show" is signed to play Ponch! Also, be on the lookout for a live action version of Justice League within the next couple of years. No big names, and they're still nailing down the story, but it'll be out probably...

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Do you ever go anywhere in public wearing your PJs? Even if its to the Drive Thru? Not often. I think the last time I did that was when my pregnant wife rousted me out of bed at 2am to go get something for a craving. Get this...Almonds, flan, and marinara sauce. That's what she wanted. I didn't ask. I didn't want to know. And I sure as hell didn't watch her eat.

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Are you afraid to walk this world alone? Not a bit. Whatever happens, happens.

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Where did you get married at? Church,Court House,Inside or Out? We got married in a church, but planning it was so stressful for my wife that she really didn't seem to enjoy it all that much. So, I set up another wedding on our honeymoon in Maui. Just her, me, a priest, a witness and the best damn photographer on the islands. We had a deserted section of beach all to ourselves. It was spectacular! And made up a little for the crappy...

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What is on your night stand? A light, an alarm clock/cd player, a bottle of water, and Stephen King's new book, "Duma Key".

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Is there someone in your group of friends that is the unspoken leader? No, but there are those that wish they were.

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If you get in a wreck with a mailbox...and you talk to the person...and they refuse help in fixing it AND new mailboxes...Should you buy them the mailbox anyways? If you hit the mailbox, it's entirely your responsibility to replace it.

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What is the worst thing you could say right before proposing marriage? You're sister said "No", so I was wondering...

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Where do you live and what is the current price of gasoline? $4.09...and rising.

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If I was your best friend and fell in love with your sister during the course of our friendship, would you be angry? ... if so why? No. If you're my friend that means I trust you. I just don't want to hear about any of the "exploits."

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"Boy, he really went to town.....". Which town? Boca Raton...he retired.

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Satchels revenge....Do you ever wanna see Satchel hang Bucky up by his toes in the closet and forget about him? Nope. However much Bucky hurts Satchel, he forgets about it within a few seconds. I like that Satchel is a complete innocent and isn't really capable of hurting anyone and Bucky is the absolute opposite.

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What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "pride"? "Gay Pride"

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What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say "Texas"? A village missing its idiot.

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Are you Santa? Yep. I had to do some fancy talking when my daughter found the box that her bike came in. If she got the bike from Santa, why do I have the box in my garage? Ummm, that lazy sack-o-mud just dropped off the box and daddy had to actually put it together. Whew! Another year of magic saved.

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When was the last time you had to tear yourself away from that special someone to get home, and by the time you got to your car, you missed them? Actually it's a little reversed for me. I give my sleeping wife a kiss before I leave for work in the morning and, before I get to the end of the street, I want to go back for just one more.

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What bothers you most about what is happening in your country today? Wow. Good question, but I think there's a character limit on the answers... - We're waging a war in the wrong country - Gas corporations are recording record profits while the typical American is struggling to afford food AND gas - We can't seem to nail down a presumptive Democratic candidate - Racism - Sexism - Homophobia - Agism But all of that said, I love...

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Head count! how many are here? One!

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What is your favorite old time saying? Or for that matter, what is your favorite saying in general? You can always tell the quality of a person's character by how they treat the people they don't need.

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Would you give up freedom for safety? No.

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If you were a famous rap artist, what would your name be? DJ Pasty Tub-a-Luv or P Daddy or Ridikulis

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What is the size of your computer screen? 22 inches.

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What is it about life that makes you want to keep living? Damn near everything. I'm madly in love with my wife. I can't wait to see what my two little girls are going to be when they grow up. I love my job. And I have to see what happens in this last season of Battlestar Galactica.

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Why are governments getting stricter on seatbelt laws and yet children in school buses have no seatbelts and are allowed to roll around those 1940's bench seats like donut holes in a box? Does that make any sense? It makes perfect financial sense. Cars already have seatbelts, so the government stepping on your neck if you don't wear it is FREE! But the vast quantity of school buses don't have seatbelts, so that would cost money. Lots of it. The government truly cares about your safety...as long as it doesn't cost anything.

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Ever win a totally random cool prize by guessing the right thing or other such luck? I won a computer at a company picnic once.

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Are you completely honest with your s/o about EVERYTHING? No. But I won't lie. There are a few things that I simply do not discuss but they have no bearing on our relationship now.

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What do you have hanging from your car's rearview mirror? Another mini-rearview mirror to keep an eye on the kids.

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Is this Sparta? A question like that is gonna get you kicked into a bottomless pit. Yes, this IS madness.

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Do you believe holding in anger and resentment can make you sick? Absolutely. Conversely, letting it out can get you arrested.

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Does anyone believe in ghosts? I do, but who knows?

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Can you put your legs behind your head? Yes, but reattaching them wouldn't make it worth it.

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What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Vodka on the rocks. January 4, 1993.

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If some one never had a girlfriend and there gay do they have the right to be come gay.i think they should experience a woman first before they go on that side don't you. The right? I'd like to see someone try to draft legislation dictating that you MUST go on at least 5 dates with a person of the opposite gender AND whereas these dates are amenable, you will proceed to intercourse, not lasting less than 10 minutes. Once these conditions are met you may then proceed to be gay once you have received a written (and notarized) endorement from your date...

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Have you ever thought "Oh to be in England"? The last 7 1/2 years have been a real test of a patriots faith. But all bad things come to an end, so I'm sticking by my country. Besides, I now live in Southern California, so I own one ancient ratty old umbrella...I don't think that would cut it in the UK.

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What was your worst illogical childhood fear? Thunder. Not the lightning that could strike and kill me, mind you. But thunder; the noise after all the bad stuff has already happenend.

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Do you sit on a public toilet seat, or hover? Sit. Ass is too fat and legs are too weak to "hover."

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How many men wear short skirts, pantyhose, and high heels publicly as a man, like I do? Who has seen a guy like me out and about? When I was managing the Men's Sportswear department at a department store, we had a man want to try on some dresses, but he wasn't allowed in the women's dressing room. We brought him down to the mens dressing room. An older lady asked me, "Why don't you throw that faggot out of here?" I told her, "First off, he's not gay, and second if we threw out...

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Can you look at your body naked in the mirror without making yourself laugh? Yes, as long as I don't jump up and down. Then hilarity ensues.

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I'm a person who is super good looking, highly intelligent and really really funny. Why do people snub me every time I tell them this fact? Oh you crazy instigator, you!

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Can you think of a funny pick up line for the mentally insane to use? I've got a little something EXTRA for you in my diaper.

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What was the last thing you watched on TV? Battlestar Galactica

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Are you a raving, ranting, raging mad person when you get angry or are you a dove? I'm a quiet seether.

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The RSPCA considers videos of people feeding live animals (mice, rats, birds, fish etc.) to their pets (snakes, lizards, tarantulas, etc.) the new bloodsport. What do you think of this? For some reason "The Lion King" and the song "Circle of Life" keeps popping into my head.

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Would it be unwise for a decent man to date an indecent woman with hopes of making her decent? Yes, "dating" someone under ulterior motives is always unwise. Date her if you like the person she is now, or move on and be a friend.

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What is your favorite yearly tradition why is it your favorite what time of year do you do it We go to a Dodgers game on Fourth of July every year. They usually play the "hated" Giants and afterwards they let people in the stands out onto the field to watch a pretty great Fireworks show.

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What would do or say if your bf or gf, told you to either put out or get out? Take me. I'm yours.

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Would you want two magic 8-balls for eyes? Depends on what magic they contain. Do they shoot lasers? Then, hells yeah, I'm in! But if it's something lame like the actual magic 8-balls (Cannot predict now...etc.) then I'll pass. I don't think I could handle random a$$holes walking up and shaking me screaming a yes or no question in my face.

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Moms and Dads: I'm 21 and there is a girl I've met that I like, but she is a senior in highschool. What would you do if your 17-18 yr old daughter wanted to date a 21 yr old guy? When my daughter is 18, it's her decision. Until that point it's mine. Regardless of your age, if you want to date my daughter, we will meet. You will shake my hand and look me in the eye. I will ask questions, you will answer. If I like you, and feel as though I might someday trust you, then I may let you date my daughter...a daylight date. Then we'll go from there.

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What kind of person destroys a celebration? An a$$hole.

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Does marriage get easier over time? In certain ways, yes. In others, not so much. The easier stuff are things like not having to hold in a belch. Essentially knowing each others rhythyms and moods without having to speak makes things easier too. When she has THAT look, I go to the garage. When I have THAT look, I get to keep the remote. The stuff that's not so easy is the constant compromise, at least for me....

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If the moon causes high and low tides, wouldn't i weigh less if the moon is straight over my head ? If that be, then i can blame my weight gain on the moon being on the other side of the earth when i weigh myself. That's a good one! I hadn't thought of that. I usually blame the fact that I haven't shaved yet that day, or showered to get all that heavy grime off my body. The nurse at the doctors office gets really uncomfortable when I strip naked for the weigh-in...the scale is in the hall.

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Is Goldilocks high maintenance? High maintenance? No. A felon? Yes. - Breaking and entering - Theft - Destruction of private property And that's just off the top of my head. I'm sure any decent UDA (Ursine Disctrict Attorney) would be able to come up with a couple other charges that I didn't think of. Oh yeah, she's going away for a loooooong time. You're cute curly blonde hair...

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What would you do if you came home and found your partner in bed with someone else? If she was in bed with a guy, I'd be mighty pissed. If it was another woman, well then...where's that Barry White album?

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Have you done your best today? I think overall, yeah, it was a pretty successful day. Kids had a great time at the aquarium. We got to touch a shark. Had a great lunch at Bubba Gump. Just got back and the entire gang, except for yours truly, is taking a nap.

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If your friend set you up on a blind date, and when you met them they did not look anything like what your friend said, What would you do? Enjoy myself and do my best to make sure she was having fun too. If it goes somewhere, so be it. If it doesn't, well it's just a blind date! Then I would mess with my friend by telling him that she wasn't like anything he had described and that she has the cutest heart-shaped birthmark on the inside of her thigh.

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What are the three things you couldnt live without in your day to day life? Jessica, Natalie and Cecille.

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What are the three top reasons you would fire an employee? I have fired employees for theft. I fired one for sexually harrassing a co-worker. And I fired a guy for lying repeatedly to customers.

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Is your mama a llama? This is bizarre! My daughter brought that book home from the library today, and I just got done reading it to her for the first time. Sorry, didn't answer the question. No, my mama is not a llama.

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If you married out of lonliness, and the fact that you are getting older (76) and you found that this was not working, would you consider leaving in search of someone else after being married for 10 years? My dad at 74 is newly divorced after 10 years of marriage. He married out of lonliness, and discovered that it's better to be single and date instead of dealing with 24/7 craziness.

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If you could travel back into time' or go forward' what would you do? Back to 1976...and buy stock in a little start-up called Apple.

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How did you find out? My brothers girlfriends cousins manicurist heard it from her boyfriends moms brother-in-law.

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Do you use "To-do" lists? Absolutely! Every day. Nothing feels better than crossing off an "action item!"

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What U.S president was in administration when you were a senior in highschool? Me- Bill Clinton Reagan.

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I really like this girl.We always talk and hang out. We are really good friends, and im starting to fall for her. I talked with her and she just likes me as a friend, but i really like her. I dont want to risk our friendship,so do i keep trying or move on Accept and enjoy the friendship for what it is. Real friends are very difficult to come by, and if you either screw this up by pushing too hard, or walk away because she doesn't want to take if further then you're doing both you and her a huge disservice. Good luck, my friend.

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What happens the day music dies? Then we start getting "music" from "singers" that are more groomed to play to the crowd, who never write their own material, and are more known for their "out of studio" hijinks than their music...okay, wait a minute... Damn it.

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Will you talk to me in the morning? I have to go to bed now. I'll be around. Not sure what you want me to say to you, but would a "Good morning" suffice?

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Can you honestly say you love yourself? Yes, I can. That wasn't always the case, and it took a hell of a lot of work, but I finally got there.

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Do you think that time by itself can help heal insecurities and self-esteem issues? Not alone, no.

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Who in the AB world would you like to switch places with? Since I don't know enough about anybody to make an informed decision, I'm going to stay put for today. Thanks anyway.

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What is one thing about you that you didn't mention in your profile? That I got my black belt in Tae Kwon Do when I was twelve.

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What is on your mind today? We've got to do a Costco run, so I'm trying to put together a list. I was out sick on Friday, so I'm also planning my (very likely) insane day tomorrow. Oh, and wrestling with the kids before nap time...MY nap time.

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Would you date someone who had no phone or car? I doubt it. How the hell would I contact them to see if they want to go out? Smoke signals?

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Are you bald? Nope. Got a full head (and back) of thick luxurious hair. Suitable for braiding.

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Do you agree with the saying "bros before hoes?" If I understand the concept correctly, then yes. It's been a long time since I spoke jive.

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Do you think an only child is a spoiled brat? I'm not spoiled. I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!!!!!

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Would you take a job just because a company wanted you as a token? If I liked what the company did and I believed in their product or service, then I would have no problem being the token doughy white dude. But if you're talking about the Baby Seal Clubbers of Nova Scotia, then no. Let them find another...Uncle Jeff.

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Hi! I'm asking this question in a car (I'm not driving) on my iphone, Do you hate me? "Hate" is such a strong word. I'm glad you're not driving, but I have to ask myself why in the hell you're sitting in your car d*cking around on AB on a Saturday night?

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For those of you who have long graduated from college/university, do you still have "bad dreams" like me about the experience---for e.g., you're late for class, you're unprepared for an exam, you have unfinished assignments that are due, etc.? My nightmare is a memory of something that happened during finals. I couldn't find parking and somebody stole the space I was waiting for. I got out and confronted him. When I turned back to get into my car, he pushed me from behind. I spun around and punched him...hard. I hurt him. Then I got into my car and drove away. I don't know what happened to him, but I still regret...

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Im married to a young guy thats 23 and im 39 , Is this normal or is it weird? It's a little late to ask that question now. You're married. Screw it. Don't worry about it. The question should be, "Am I happy?"

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Where will you reside in 50 yrs.? I'll be 92 flirting with the nurses in the "Retirement Facility." My wife will cuff me with my own cane and roll her eyes.

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O.K my 13 year old cousin wants to be a movie star n her parents are taking her to an audition in about a month but.......she can't act, sing or dance n is not that nice looking n i don't want her being hurt! how can i talk her out of it? Advise please! You don't. You let her go and get hurt. She has to find out from someone in the industry that she is talentless and should go home. But what if...just what if, they're looking for a real girl who CAN'T act, sing or dance? What if they want a natural looking teen. Some of the better casting directors can tease out hidden talents that you may not be able to see. Let her...

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STOP. TURN. Take a look around. What do you see? It's just the printer. Jeez, don't DO that! You scared the crap out of me.

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Is your TV weatherman cute? Just about everything on that woman is fake. Boobs, botox, collagen. She almost doesn't look human anymore.

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If the car you drive today was a Transformer... what would it transform in to? Given my luck with cars, it would transform into a flatbed so it could tow itself.

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Was that you? No. No, no, no, no. Not me. Nope. Umm, maybe.

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What would be a bad song to play at a wedding? "Who Are You" - The Who.

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Have you ever seen a real UFO? There have been a couple of times in my life where I've seen something that I still can't explain. One night when I was a kid, me and my entire family watched a large object hovering over a hill close by. It was roughly spherical and rotated quickly. After hovering for about ten minutes it...just left. No sound, nothing. The other one was just a few weeks ago. A very bright...

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Your driver's license photo: Nice pic....or mug shot? Not bad. Definitely thinner.

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What television show should have never been cancelled? Hill Street Blues Barney Miller Laugh-In And while it hasn't been cancelled yet, this is it's last season and I will dearly miss Battlestar Galactica.

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How many 5 year olds could you fight off? My record is 17...oh, wait. That was a hypothetical question, wasn't it? Never mind.

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I have really high standards when it comes to relationships and i've been single for a long time waiting and waiting for someone great to come along. is it that there are no great guys out there, or am i being too picky? I didn't find the right person until I was 31 and I married her when I was 35. I didn't settle for someone that I knew I didn't want to grow old with...but I had a hell of a lot of fun while I was waiting!

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If you were offered a billion dollars by some higher power, but only on the condition that you must surrender your life at age 70, would you do it? Oh hell yes. My kids and their kids and THEIR kids would be set up for life!

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Ok guy's ..have you ever been treated like a piece of meat? I guess the time my wife chased me around the yard with a BBQ fork made me feel a little like that.

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Do you ever feel guilty about pleasuring your self? Not a bit. I paid good money to play a round of golf, and by God, I'm going to take pleasure in it!

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Every woman is wrong until she cries, and she is right instantly, how? I understand what you're saying, but if she's wrong before she cries, then afterward, she's just wrong with streaky mascara. But I do hear what you're saying. We don't like to deal with women who cry so we gloss over whatever is causing the tears. Some unscrupulous women with a very low regard for their gender will use this tactic to get their way. The rest will...

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Guys: at what age did you start looking for something more serious in your relationships? My mid 30's. I spent the vast majority of my 20 either drunk or stoned, so that was a throwaway decade and I wasn't good for anybody. Once I got my sh*t together, I felt I had something to offer, and I was a whole person who wasn't looking for someone to "complete me." Both my wife and I were and are complete and whole individuals who, together, create...

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I feel like my last name is kinda bleh. It feels so common. So traditional. Like a song that has played 7 times too many on the radio. What are your thoughts on the last name 'Murphy'? The cutest young lady in our office has the last name of Murphy. There is a long and storied heritage behind the name Murphy. Embrace the Murphy, be the Murphy, love the Murphy.

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If a women says, '' Do you think I look fat in this dress?'' what is the right answer? No matter what I always fail. I told my then girlfriend (now wife) not to ask me questions like that unless she wants an honest answer. That put to rest a whole lifetime of pain and anguish before it even got started, and makes the two of us much happier. She knows she can come to me and get an honest opinion about a certain dress, hairstyle, whatever. I'm not going to be mean. I'll never ever tell her...

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I'm 24, 6 2' nice body , blode hair ,blue eyes i just found out that my g/f has been cheating on me with this guy in the pic . i think he's ugly what do u think? http://www.flickr.com/photos/25473452@N08/ Who gives a sh*t what he looks like (or you for that matter.) She is apparently not getting something from you that she feels she needs. Reassess your priorities. Perhaps you deserve someone who loves you as much as you obviously love yourself.

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My Mom Makes and Awesome apple pie, What does your mom make you thats Awesome? (could be anything) I really miss my mom's meatloaf. She always shooed everybody out of the kitchen when she made it so I don't know what was in it. It sounds weird, but when she passed, I was hoping I'd find the recipe tucked away somewhere in her effects, but, alas, no. The secret died with her.

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Have you ever been truly flattered on AB? Yes. Many, many times. Probably one of the most memorable was when someone said they were voting for me for Best Dad. That was very cool and I had a smile on my face all day.

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Hey everyone today I hit level 40, I am now a brain, What do you think about that? LMAO Congrats, but I have to wonder...are you REALLY laughing your ass off?

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What film had a profound effect on you? Se7en - The acting and end just floored me. Jaws - I was 11 or 12 when it came out and I think that was the first time I actually jumped in my chair. Some Like It Hot - Comedy as it's supposed to be.

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Do you ever get the feeling that all you are is a trophy wife? I'm more of a booby-prize husband.

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Excuse me, sir, would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?" Get out of my friggin' garage! I'm trying to back out here!!

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W000000000000000000000t!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just found out Simon R. Green released his new novel!!!!!! i can't wait!!! does any 1 else know of simon R. green? Don't know why you're getting so spanked for this question. A +5 Troll innoculation for ya. Never heard of him, but now I'm interested.

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I'm in the mood for........finish that sentence ...some peace and quiet. The wife has been working late the last few nights, so I've been doing the "SuperDad" routine. I'm gettin' tired of playing horsey.

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Who are you when no one is looking? Are you still the same person? When no one is around, I'm a much louder singer.

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What did you learn from your first summer job? How hard it is to harvest tobacco.

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What are you going to do on your next vacation? We're thinking about taking the kids to Maui for a week. Probably during the summer.

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Ladies/Men do you wear your wedding ring every day or not? Why If I leave the house, it's on my finger. At home, no.

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You MUST get a tattoo, it's the law, where it will be located and what it will be is your choice. What's it going to be and where? On my upper right arm. The initials of both my daughters blended with some kind of Celtic pattern. I've been thinking about this...

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What is your vision of the future? Same crazy sh*t going on around the world, only hotter.

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I am sixteen years old, and have no hair on my chin, tho I have a mustache. What do I do to grow a beard? I honestly wasn't able to grow a nice looking beard until I was in my 30's. My teens was just patchy peachfuzz, my 20's was thicker, patchy peachfuzz. It wasn't until I was about 31 or 32 before the holes filled in. Just stay clean-shaven until you can grow a decent moustache or beard.

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What does TMI mean to you? When the woman in the next cubicle over is on the speakerphone describing to the vet, in excrutiating detail, that "Mr. Mittens" keeps rolling in his own sh*t, and getting it caught in his fur and she has to pick it out ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. I can't get my iPod turned up fast enough.

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Why do we have to dry raincoats? For the same reason you make your bed or do your laundry.

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How do you think the world will end? I agree with Rigby, our sun will die and the planets orbiting it will turn into chucks of interstellar ice. But, through our own stupidity and short-sightedness, we'll be long gone before that happens.

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How many friends on Answerbag have you removed for whatever reason. I have removed 6 mostly for asking questions that I consider worthless. I don't really use that link at all. If someone submits a friend request, I grant it. I don't review their answers to see they deserve my friendship. If someone on my friends list is being an a$$hole, it's no reflection on me.

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I just became an official jetpacker. Can anyone tell me where I can order custom rocket belts to match my shoes, I have to be fashionable you know. Here you go. http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/transportation/4217989.html

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What is the most embarrassing thing you've seen a musician do? Ashley Simpson, Saturday Night Live. Supposedly a live performance. Mmm, not so much. A different song was playing over the speakers from the one she was singing. Then she did a little jig and walked off stage. Then, to top it off, she throws her band under the bus.

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Is it possible to be truly scientific and hold religious and spiritual beliefs at the same time? I'm a deeply spiritual person and have a very personal relationship with God. I think evolution is the single most elegant solution to how we grow that none of us mere earthlings could have thought of it. I do not take the Bible as the be-all and end-all of the word of God. It was written by people, not God. People are inherently flawed and as such cannot exactly interpret what God...

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Do u think gay people can be counselled and treated to become straight? Well, I suppose if I could be "counselled and treated" to enjoy sitting on a big d*ck instead of making love to my wife, I'm sure the opposite is true. Is it covered by insurance?

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Do you think that it is possible to trust someone who has had problems w drug abuse in the past and is making an effort to change now? Is Change possible? As a person who was high or drunk for seven solid years, I can tell you that it IS possible to change. I've been sober for 15 years and while it is a daily process of staying that way, it's become much easier with people in my life who love and trust me.

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What's on the agenda for today that you wish you didn't have to do? Mow the lawn, clean the gutters...I'm with lawilsey on this one...stupid spring cleaning!

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If you had a choice, would you be a regular employee or a manager? I enjoyed managing people. I'd like to get back to that someday.

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If you were offered $50,000 to appear in an underwear ad, this very minute, would you do it? In a heartbeat. But what kind of magazine would it be in? "Pastey Dudes Monthly"?

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Can you name at least one item in your kitchen cabinet you have not used in at least a year? Bread maker. Big old $300 bread maker that she wanted that sits in the box to this day. I WANT SOME BREAD!!

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Do your kids do their own laundry? If so, at what age did they take over that duty? I'm watching this question very carefully. I've got a 6-yr old and a 2-yr old and I'm interested in getting them up and running as soon as possible. The problem is that the younger one keeps wanting to wash the cats. Now I know where they get their aversion to water.

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When did you last buy a CD or DVD and what was it? We bought Enchanted last night and the wife and kids sat down and all thoroughly enjoyed it.

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Do you get enough sex? Nope. The baby has been sleeping in our bed the last couple of months. GRRRR!

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Are you satisfied with the no. of points you gained today?Be honest!! It's still pretty early in the morning here. I've got the whole day to spread my cheer and joy and mention my kids at least 639 times before the end of the day.

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What celebrity are your tired of hearing about..and one you love to hear about I'm tired of hearing about The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse (Britany, Lindsay, Paris, Nicole Ritchie). The celebrities that I like hearing about are the ones that aren't a grease fire/train wreck. Those that have their heads on straight and just live their lives: Tom Hanks, George Clooney, etc.

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Do you have a lot of decorative items in your house, or do you think that "less is more"? The answer to both questions is yes. I like pictures on the walls, but mementos and tchochkies (sp?) aren't really my thing. Having said that, I married a woman who loves to have physical representations of everywhere she's ever been, and our kids seem to be heading in that direction too. My house is filled with shelves and shelves of trinkets, doo-dads, and all manner of...

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Question could you get this angry at a Telemarketer (will put video in answers) and warning bad language Here's one of a guy scaring the hell out of a telemarketer. He does this kind of thing for fun and I think it's brilliant. I'm just angry that I didn't think of it first... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv3UCvxUh8E

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Are you happy at the moment? Not at this moment. I'm dealing with a pinched nerve in my neck that is causing pain all the way down to my elbow. Ouchie.

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How far is it from your house to Wal-Mart? About 4 miles, but I hate that place. It's huge, crowded, and it's a rarity to find an employee who can understand and speak English fluently.

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Do you get upset if someone you care about forgets your birthday? Not really...because it's great to see the expression on thier faces when they realize they forgot. That's a gift in itself. And, anyway, my birthdays don't really mean that much to me. If someone wants to do something with me, great. If not, it's really just another day. Unfortunately, we have a "Birthday Lady" in my office who makes it her personal...

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How personable are you? I can be pretty pleasant...and long as you damn kids stay off my lawn!!

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Do you pass the chain email to the recommended number of friends for luck? No, I forward them on to my enemies. I would never forward a damnable chain email to a friend.

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Did you sleep well today? Not really. I went to bed early enough, but the two-year old has been sleeping in our bed since she's not feeling well. She likes to sleep perpendicular to us. Kind of like the cross bar on an "H". And I always get the feet...right in the kidneys. Sometimes I think she's dreaming of taking dancing lessons. Ouchie.

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Why do "posh" people speak out their noses? Because they CAN, dahling.

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How do you make annoying people leave a place and never want to come back? I thought of using tear gas or unleashing a pack of unfriendly dogs, but that may be a little more than I can handle. Any ideas? I usually like to speak loudly and in excruciating detail about how cheese affects me. That usually gets all but the most hardened cases out of there.

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Whos your favorite childhood super hero? I've always been an Iron Man nut.

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What would you do if you found out that your boyfreind/girlfriend was cheating on you with one of your parents? After I got over the initial bout of the jim-jams (willie-wallies, whatever you want to call them) I'd help her move into my dad's house and wash my hands of both of them.

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My Dad always had catchy sayings and or tricks, What were some of your Dads Catchy saying or tricks? When it was time to come home, he would whistle. I could hear that whistle two blocks away in my friends basement. He was a truly talented whistler. He was also great at making my friends feel at ease in our home.

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Don't you just hate it when someone disturbs you while taking a poop? It seems as if that is a large part of my life now. I'm having these coversations with a bathroom door. "No, honey. I don't know why Oscar is such a grouch. Maybe because he lives in a trash can. Can we PLEASE talk about this later??"

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Anakin Skywalker V Jesus Christ ...Who would win Well, let's see. One of them can walk on water, turn water to wine, and bring the wrath of his dad down on anybody who pissed him off. The other got his ass kicked by a guy who had "the high ground." Seems to me that Anakin would be having a sandal surgically removed from his num-nums after that fight.

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What is the last thing you should do during a family dinner? Hit on anyone at the table.

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What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Since I'm lactose intolerant, I'd fart.

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Did you go to your prom? Why or why not? Nope. Didn't care for many of the people. I'm uncomfortable dancing in front of others. I didn't see much point.

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Do you find it kind of funny that just now when someone on my tv called someone my phone started ringing? Not "ha-ha" funny, but amusing.

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What's the most useless fact that everybody knows already? I think it's "a tomato is a fruit". The elephant is the only land mammal on Earth that cannot jump.

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What was the last thing that you regret'd doing ? Why? A few years ago I took my wife to San Francisco for our anniversary. We went on a night cruise which included dinner and a band. I can't dance, and I regret being self-conscious about it to the extent that I never asked her to dance. We both just sat there while the band played and everybody else was shaking their money-makers. I shouldn't have been so self-conscious. It...

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Everybody remembers when they lost their virginity, but do you remember your first 'real' kiss? Yep, because both happened on the same night. December 22, 1979. Oh, What A Night.

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Who taught you about the birds and the bees when you were a kid? My dad when I was nine.

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What’s a memorable flaw of your first car? Ahh, my old '71 Ford Torino! The glue inside the steering wheel that held the metal leads apart that made the horn blow would melt in the sunlight causing the horn to go off...most of the time while I wasn't home. It pissed off my neighbors and ran down my battery.

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All the people that have a PS3, is it worth it? It's odd that I find this question now. I just got back from the store where I bought one. The clerk at Best Buy told me that with a download, my 40Gb PS3 will play all my PS2 games. But I'm having trouble finding that download on the site. I don't want to open it yet in case that turns out to be false. I'll let you know in a couple of days when I hear back from Sony...

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Do you want to kiss the girl? Jodi Benson? Heck yeah!

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DO all men want to sleep with anyone they can get into bed? Absolutely not. I draw the line at ... umm. Okay, wait, I know I had that line around here somewhere. I'll get back to you.

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What kind of thing on Answerbag REALLY annoys you? Questions that infer that the only good people are those that have accepted Jesus Christ As Their Personal Lord And Savior or Questions that are written in "text speak" (R U a h8r?) or Questions involving what are obviously serious medical issues with pets or kids (Blood is flowing freely from a hole in my puppies chest...what could it be?) or Questions involving...

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What should you do if you think you have fallen in love with someone who is already in a serious relationship? This is one of the most difficult decisions of my life. No decision to make. It's hard, I know. But (s)he is already taken. Unless you want to be "the other man", which is not something anyone with respect for themselves would be, you need to accept the relationship as platonic and value it for what it is, not what it might be.

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First thing that comes to mind when I say "CRACKER" Me.

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Why do women like wearing men's underwear? You don't see us asking to borrow a thong? Ooh, a thong would be a bad idea. I'd look like a Barlett pear with a rubber band around the bottom (copyright Drew Carey). I do know what you mean, though. I "lost" several boxers over the last few years, and only recently discovered by accident that they were in my wife's underwear drawer. What do you mean, "What were you doing in your wife's underwear...

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I just finished my big overhaul project; who wants to join me in celebrating by making this "Slack Saturday" and watching cartoons and eating kids cereal? Woo-hoo! I'm there with ya, brother. I'll bring Apple Jacks and Honey Combs. What kind of cartoons are you thinking of? I'm more of an old school man, myself. Bugs, Road Runner, etc.

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How carefully do you choose your words? Depends on who I'm talking to and about what.

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Can I stay up past midnight tonight? Please! Sure, but don't complain to me when I wake you up at 5 tomorrow morning to do your chores.

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Do you cry at night to the tune of a dead alligator's mournful song? Nope, I laugh to the happy monkeys R&B classic

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So what would happen if Subway's Jared started bulking up really fast? He'd be dragged in front of a Senate Committee on Steroids Abuse by Marginally Recognizable TV Ad Actors. I wonder when they're going to get around to running the country again?

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I did it, what did you do? I entertained filthy thoughts of my wife...then my daughter threw up. Kinda kills the mood.

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Why are you on AB? It's a Friday Night! You should be out having Fun? Why aren't you out having a Good Night? I am IN having fun! My kids are playing with Legos on the floor. I'm supervising the construction of something that is either a cow...or a jet. I'll let you know.

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Do you think that it is appropriate when you see kids running up and down the aisles of the store? If not, then what do you do to stop them? No, it's not appropriate and it shows an immense lack of even the most basic of parenting skills. I don't do anything to stop them. They aren't mine. When I see kids acting up when I'm out with my 6-yr old, I point to the kid and tell her, "Thank you for not acting like that. I'm so lucky you're my daughter."

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Who thinks John Deacon should return to Queen for the upcoming tour? Doesn't matter to me. Without Mr. Mercury, there is no Queen. RIP.

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Did you ever study Shakespeare in school? What did you think of it? I thought it was ancient irrelevant ramblings.. To be honest, I had a hard time reading him. I didn't get the jokes. But when I see it acted...I love it. There must be something wrong with the way I'm reading him, because I don't get the cadence and timing in the comedies the way I do when I see it acted out.

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Where the hell are my fig newtons......they were JUST here! You better stop playing games. I'm all out of spackle so I used them to fill a crack in the wall. Oh, and while you're at the grocery store, could you pick up some Oreos? Thanks man, I'll pay you back...promise!

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Sucking toes, turn- on, or turn-off? Turn off! Stay the hell away from my feet! It's almost as bad as somebody screwing with my eyes. Do Not Want!

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When women expose the goods in their manner of dress, men, do you find this a turn on or off? If they're generally fit, then yes I like it. But the 350 lb woman that sits several cubicles down from me REALLY needs to stop bending over wearing her stretchy pants and showing me the top portion of her verticle smile.

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If you could choose how you wanted to die, would you or would you rather just not have to know? Just wait until I'm able to see my daughters grow up to cure cancer, bring world peace through incredible diplomatic skills, and win Olympic Gold in the dodecacathalon (that's a 20-skill event that will become popular in 2016 which will include chess, skydiving, bubble-blowing, and several other exciting events.) Once that's done, you can take me however you please, but...

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What's the hardest thing about being in a relationship... that is in your experience? I would have to say compromising. The hardest thing for me is getting some alone time.

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What was the best advice someone ever gave you?(or really good advice that you remember) Be nice.

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Two choices: 1) Excitement. 2) Security. Which one do you want more of? Why? Before I got married, it would have been (and was) choice #1. After marriage and kids, I'll take #2 for their sake.

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If you really tried, would you be able to put up with a really cocky attitude without it irritating you? I do it frequently at the office. We've got some LARGE personalities there, and I am able to tune them out pretty successfully most of the time.

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If you could get revenge on an ex without getting caught, would you? My past is my past. I wish them nothing but luck and love.

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What do guys(Men) think about being a friend with benefits do you like the idea? Sure! I like it so much I married her. Now she's my "friend with mortgage".

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How do you intend to spend this weekend We've got a huge birthday party for my kids. One was born last week and the other next week (different years), so while they are having their own smaller celebrations on their actual birthdays, we're having 25 of their friends and meeting at a fun house style place for kids. It's called Jumpin' Jammin' (I think they have a website) and it's awesome!

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If you could have one wish, what would it be? That my two daughters will grow up, find their soul-mates and live happily ever after.

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Which is more appealing; open bar or free buffet? Free buffet. I don't drink anymore, so the bar is useless to me.

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Are you at a job that pays absolute piss but you love it there and don't want to leave? If so, what do you do, and why is it such a great match for you? I'm at a job that I love and I'm actually making more than at any other time in my life. It's a great match for me because I work for a movie/television studio and I've always loved going to the movies. It's a blast walking over to the studio lot for lunch and seeing Ellen Degeneres eating lunch, or George Clooney playing basketball.

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What do you do to revive yourself when you're totally exhausted but have to keep going? I focus on exactly what I have left to do. I keep telling myself that I'm motoring through and will be done in (countdown.)

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How can you change the world? I can't. I can change MY world. I can't change THE world.

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What is your favorite nickname you give your partner? S&L (short for Sweetness and Light), or if I'm feeling frisky, I call her "Mahal" which is Tagalog for Love or Dear. She's Filipina.

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For women...do you talk about feminin things front of guys? Like period, or bras or things like that. And guys what do you think about it? I've been married too long to give a sh*t. None of that stuff really ever bothered me. The ONE thing that completely surprised and sickened me that had anything to do with my wife's body was when she was pregnant with our first daughter and the doctor mentioned something about a "mucus plug." DEAR GOD!! That's worse than "smegma"!

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I want a friend 2 go on a trip with me, but all her money is tied up. She asked me 2 put the cost of her air ticket on my Visa card, and she is breaking a bond and says she will pay me from her 1st pay after we get back in case she runs short. Should I? If you can live without the money, then by all means. But ask yourself, "Will I be able to pay my bill every month if she bails on me?" If the answer is no, then you may want to pass. It's your name on the credit card and only your credit can get hurt here.

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If you were ruler how should we address you.. "your eminence" for example? The Rootin' Tootin' Fresh and Fruity...okay, no wait. Tha Mack Daddy Flash Jazzy...no, that won't work for a pasty wonder bread mofo like myself. King Jeff? That's lame. I guess, "Sir" will do if people feel the need to be formal about stuff, but I'd much prefer just "Jeff." "JEFF will see you now!" Yeah, I like that.

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What was the biggest fight you have ever had with your significant other? Not surprisingly it was about money. I'm a saver, she's not and it drives me crazy.

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Holy Sh*t! What's that on your head!? Look. I just woke up and it was there. Not much I can do about it, so I would appreciate a little professional courtesy and not make a big deal out of it. Okay? Jeez.

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Are you a points whore? I would prefer to be known as a points "friend with benefits."

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Are the Keebler Elves volunteers? No, they're indentured servants. Once they get their "loans" paid off, they are able to move up the cabin to be "1 of 7." Whether they get to take the role of Sneezy or Doc depends on who is promoted from that house up to the big time...Santa's Workshop.

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Does your fur coat attract fleas? I can't imagine what kind of Iowa Honky Pimp Daddy I would look like with a fur coat. I'm sure it would attract worse than fleas.

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Have you ever had a crocodile for a dentist? No, but there was that hippo for a weight loss guru. Disasterous.

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What is the best response to the question "why don't you have a boyfriend"? I would answer honestly by saying that I'm married and my wife would highly disapprove.

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The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, or Abbott and Costello? Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into!"

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Democratic or Republican? I used to be a Republican until the party got a little too snuggly with the religious right. I've voted Democrat in the last several presidential races and I don't think that's going to change this time. I'm actually registered as unaffiliated (I think they call it "undecided" but I'm not wild about that designation.)

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There are many interesting names here. Explain yours? Part of my first and last names and an important year in my life.

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Do you prefer to watch TV or READ A BOOK? The only show I watch on TV is Battlestar Galactica. The rest of it is not so entertaining to me...besides I don't have a TV in the bathroom which is where I do most of my reading anyway.

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Would you rather be a fashion model or fashion designer? I think I would have to go for the designer job. Unless a new line of clothing came out for pudgy, pasty, white guys with a bad backs. Then I would TOTALLY smoke that runway.

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What are your thoughts on a father having naked baths with his five year old daughter? I bathe my two girls, and I've never had to strip down and get in the bath with them. We wouldn't be able to all fit in the bathtub anyway.

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Why can't men have periods? Because I guarantee the first senator that starts bleeding from the penis will have $7 billion in funding to find a cure. Male menstruation will be eradicated within a decade.

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When it comes to children's gender, is it a true statement to say that most women dream of having at least one daughter and most men dream of having at least one son? Personally, I've seen what my brother-in-law has to deal with having a 3 year old boy. I'll keep my two girls...and I'm the last of my family with this last name, so when I die, that's it. This surname goes into the dustbin of history. Still, I don't want to deal with a boy at this point in my life. I'm too old and too lazy for that kind of foolishness now.

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Have you ever eaten at a strip club buffet? Once. ONCE!

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Whats the worst thing someone you love has ever done to you? Die.

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What do you tell your child when he/she asks if santa is real? Of course he's real! Who the hell do you think stayed up until 2am putting that friggin' bike together?!?! And you better leave Santa chocolate chip cookies, because that's his favorite. And no milk! Santa is lactose intolerant and Mrs. Claus will kick him out of bed for giving her Dutch Ovens all night. Maybe you'd better leave one of daddy's sodas out for...

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Do you think you have been treated fair by other AB Members? Why? or why not? This is pretty much like any other community. You get what you give. People gravitate to that which a)makes them feel good and b)that which is familiar. I've gathered a great deal of respect for countless people on this site. The dillholes® (copyright Someguy says Che Guevara is no hero, 2008 All Rights Reserved) come and go, but luckily the vast majority of the good folks have...

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(book name CALCULUA FOR BUSINEES ECONOMICS ((Tenth Edition) page 32 (Exercise 1-2) 9. Y= F(X)+2 11. Y= F(X+2) 13. Y= G(X-3) 15. Y=G(X)-3 17. Y=-F(X) 19. Y=0.5G(X) 10. Y=G(X)-1 12. Y=G(X-1) 14 Y=F(X+3) 16 Y=F(X)+3 18. Y= -G(X) 20. Y= 2F(X) The answer is 42.

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What is your honest opinion of the bible? I honestly never had much use for it. I tried reading it once and got to the part toward the beginning where everybody was begatting everybody else and couldn't get through it. I think it has some wonderful allegory, but considering that it was written by flawed, weak human beings hundreds of years after the life of Christ, I can't accept it as more than a guide for people in...

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Why do men think they know better than women? Well now, it's farely obveus that wee no much better then womin. Men have bigger brain substrates witch leads to smartness. Rite, honey??

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I kan haz my bukkit now? Apparently who ever downrated you has never enjoyed a CHEEZBURGER! Points up.

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Does suicide bother anyone? i want to kill myself and i want to know if it will bother anyone. I opened a couple of veins in my wrists in 1992. Since then I've experienced the following: Got sober Fell off the wagon Got sober permanently Got a shitty job Got a better job Declared bankruptcy Met a really nice girl Married her Moved into a shitty converted garage behind her parents house Had a baby My mom died Moved to a better place Bankruptcy fell off the books ...

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Do you think of someone else when your partner not there?? do you compare your partner to an old flame? Jeez, it's been so long since I had the old flame that I don't really remember anymore.

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What makes you smile instantly? When I hear my daughters playing together and they make that belly laugh that comes from deep down. THAT makes me smile.

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How old wil you be on May 15, 2049? 84. I'll have been married 49 years. Oy!

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Kiss me or kill me: Barbara Walters A big sloppy wet one. I don't wish death on anybody.

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What do you think of a stay at home mom,making her husband or boyfriend (who has been working all day),as soon as he walk in the door at home,she makes him help her take care of the kids? Let's see, I've been sitting in a cubicle all day answering emails and talking on the phone. She's been chasing after two rambunctious kids since 7am. I think I'm ready to take over when I get home. Save a big stinky diaper for me!

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Would you sell yourself into physical slavery for a year for one million dollars? A million dollars ain't quite what it used to be. While the money would be nice, I'm assuming I would be treated like a slave for the entire year with no provisos as to beatings, mutilation, degradation, and even rape. All that would be small potatoes next to the fact that I wouldn't be able to see my kids for a year. The answer would have to be no.

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What is the first thing you think of when I say "pigglewhip"? Something I'd definitely have to get my wife liquored up, and the kids over to the in-laws before it happened.

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Perhaps i stand alone by having the worst possible name on AB.please read my answer.do you know the meaning of your name that you use on AB? I've had my username since the first day I logged onto the internet. It's part of my first and last names and the year I was born.

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What if i told you I knew where the 'moon landing' was filmed on earth? This theory has been floating around since 1969. Even if you came back and said it was filmed in Area 51, I'm not sure you could prove it unless some recognizable figure from that era in NASA came forward and admitted it...and I don't see that happening.

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WARNING NOT INTENDED FOR LITTLE KIDS: Did you believe in any fictional characters when you were young? Tooth Fairy? Santa? Santa fictional? Wait. What are you saying??

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Ok - You're on the gameshow Jeopardy, you just answered a question correctly, which topic do you select next? Be creative :) Interspecies Mating Rituals on Star Trek for 800, Alex.

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Have you ever been in a bar fight? What caused it, and what was the end result? I've been in a bar when a brawl broke out. I spent too much money on this nose to dive into a mosh pit for no good reason. I took my beer and stood outside until things quieted down.

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I visited Los Angeles last year and I loved it, especially the weather and the people. What is your favorite thing about Los Angeles? I like the fact that I can go to the mall and see Jamie Lee Curtis walking around in sweats.

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How do you keep guy friends from falling in love with you? I let my beard get scruffy...or I just bring my wife along. Either of those usually get the job done.

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What did bullies call you when you were in school? Jeffrey Giraffe or Scrawny

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How tall was Abraham Lincoln's hat? Here's a photo of his hat. Other answers actually give the answer to the question, but I like pictures. On the other end of him were size 14 boots.

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Have you ever been told that you snore? Oh no. Never! Nope, not me. I don't snore. At least I've never been presented with empirical evidence of such a heinous and baseless charge. Nope, no snoring here....ever.

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Given the choice which would you prefer to believe, A. We exsist and one day perish and death is final, or B. We exist and the flesh will perish but the Spirit will live for eternity with God because of our faith in Jesus Christ? I think I'm somewhere in the middle.

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I don't like NASCAR. Why am I watching every second of the Daytona 500? Maybe you're just really excited by left turns.

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Have you ever smoked weed? Oh, heck yeah. I've tried everything you didn't have to use a needle with. I hit rock bottom when I found myself in a hotel room with a bunch of strangers, smoking crack. A guy stuck a gun in my face accusing me of stealing one of his rocks. That was one of those, "How the hell did I get here?" moments that were part and parcel to a life in drugs.

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Do people start conspiracy theories when they simply refuse to believe evidence that is distasteful to them? I think the vast majority of conspiracy theorists are entirely harmless. It's when you mix that with mental illness and guns that bad things happen.

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Do people start conspiracy theories when they simply refuse to believe evidence that is distasteful to them? I think that's definitely part of it. I think a large portion of that equation is also distrust of our government and large faceless corporate entities.

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My boyfriend is not only twice older than me but he is also of black race. All that doesn't matter to me because he's got a fantastic personality and we really love each other. However, it hurts that people always stare at us and judge our relationship. So what's your question? Love him, screw them. I'm in a mixed race marriage with someone 10 years younger than I am. Admittedly, not many people take notice or make too much of a fuss, but even if they did, it wouldn't matter to me. They're not the ones I've got two really beautiful kids with.

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How often do you change your avatar? Never. It's part of my identity on AB.

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What would be different if we all had four fingers and two opposable thumbs on each of our two hands? How piano concertos are written.

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What should you get a woman who has everything? A payment calendar to help remind her when all the payments are due on all that stuff.

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I'm 23 and have never kissed with tongue. If you were the guy I liked, is it ok that I tell you I'm really really inexperienced and haven't even french kissed before? Yep. The right guy would be glad to teach you the finer points. Hint: If he jams his tongue down your throat in the first three seconds, he ain't doing it right.

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Do most men realize when they are staring at a woman's chest while talking with her, or is it just a subconscious reaction? Well, they kinda look like they have eyes.

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If you were in your room and saw a nonthreatening person looking at you from outside the window what would you do? Non-threatening like a little old lady? Probably ask her if she needed help. Non-threatening like my next door neighbor's kid? "Get the hell off my lawn!"

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A lot of women say they don't like getting flowers from a guy, but I think that is a lie... they say it.. but if you got them flowers it would make their day... What do you think? My wife hates it because she's not the type to like to draw attention. I have learned this and now I take her out to her favorite restaurant instead. We both are alot happier.

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I've never really understood, why are some people so racist? It is because they are scared? Or jealous? Or just want to feel superior? Racism is a learned behavior. They grew up in an environment with other narrow-minded individuals.

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Is there anyway to get AB to stop that annoying question about a book and a page. It's f$%@#*g really Pis#&$g me off. I wish I had come up with that question. Whoever asked that has retired to the AB mansion.

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Complete the phrase. Objects in the mirror.... are fatter and older than they actually appear.

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What would you say on the phone if you knew the police had it tapped? Ixnay on the eedway!

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Does anyone believe in ghosts? Sure, why not. There's alot we don't understand so the possibility of us existing as pure energy once we shed this mortal coil is as likely as anything else.

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If lovin' you is wrong, I don't wanna be right? Can you tell me about a time when you might have felt that way? I was 18, she was 44. She taught me more about how to treat a lady than anyone I've ever known, and I loved her for it...but it couldn't last.

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4 words you never want to hear? Daddy, I hate you.

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If Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse got into a fight, who would win? Bugs would kick that rats a$$ up and down the block. And he'd do it in a dress.

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Blind people have a sexual dreams? They're blind, not eunuchs.

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What were your high school colors? Red and White. Go Indians! Ooh, sorry. I mean "Go Native Americans!"

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Do you kiss your pets? Blue was my cat for 11 years. The way he would show affection would be to jump up on the arm of my chair and head-butt me. He was a big, strong 16 pound cat and if he wanted a kiss, then by God and sonny Jahaysus, he was going to get one.

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Are you lesbian if you have only had a crush on one or two girls, but have never done anything? I think there are alot of people who are predominantly one sexual orientation, but occasionally entertain the idea of the other. You are who you are. A label is just a confined space you don't deserve to put yourself in.

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Would you rather be 40 or pregnant? Rather moot point to this 42 year old man...but lets entertain the idea for a second...mmm, HELL no I don't want to be pregnant. I've seen up close what it does...and let's not even discuss the "birth canal."

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Has anyone ever told you that you're weird? Oh yes. And it used to be an insult.

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I have heard of ,shedding the mortal coil,cashing in your chips,meeting your maker.What are other terms of what is the end of life? In this age of political correctness, people aren't dead, they are: Metabolically challenged.

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Make a choice-you or me? Me. Sorry.

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Are you squeamish? About what? Before I had kids, not much really bothered me. Now when I read stories of abuse or severe neglect, I get a little uncomfortable.

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When you love (romantic), do you give your all or do you save some for yourself, so that it would be easier to recover if the relationship failed? I always held back a little until I found "The One." I guess that's why I didn't get married until I was 34.

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Have you ever gotten dressed in a hurry and put on clothes you thought were clean, then gotten to work or where ever and relized you smell? Probably the worst example of this for me was getting dressed in a t-shirt and jeans (I work in a very casual environment) and getting to work only to realize that my t-shirt was inside out and backwards so the label was sticking out of my throat; and the jeans I put on has a hole worn through to my crotch. My saving grace was that I was wearing my Star Trek boxers.

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Who is the last person you made your friend? One of my co-workers from Japan that I never met came out to Burbank for a few days. We went to lunch several times and I learned a great deal about her life and personality that I never knew. Even though I've known her for several years, this trip cemented our friendship.

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Would you come back to haunt someone if you could? Who would it be? I think I'd be too busy getting all the answers to the questions I had in life. What's really in Area 51? What happens to the light when the refrigerator door is closed? Does a tree really make a noise when it falls and no one is there to hear it? Once these and a few other questions are answered, then maybe I'd go rattle some chains at Dubya's house.

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Is it more interesting to read a good book twice than to read it once? There have been a number of books that I've read more than once. It's not necessarily more interesting. I just like going back to that place.

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Why did they say that about you? Is it true? While the part about the marionette WAS true, they completely misrepresented my relationship with that octopus. They're just jealous of my cross-species sex appeal.

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If you had to give up either your pets or your partner which would you choose to keep? My partner doesn't crap on the sofa when she's upset with me. The pets GO!

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If I keep watching Spanish soap operas, will I eventually learn Spanish? Yep. You may want to steer clear of "Queer As Folk" if you're married.

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What makes you get up every morning and start your day? Their names are Jessica and Natalie.

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What's the silliest thing by your computer? I've got a pen that looks like it's an exploding firework. A diaper. I think it's unused, but I don't want to smell it to check.

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If you had the option to "filter" out certain traits (hair color, eye color, personality, etc.) in your unborn child, would you do it? Which would you pick? If my addictive traits are hereditary, then I'd like to screen those out.

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Do you think you can love someone, without trusting them? Yes, and it's extraordinarily painful.

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Who have you given your heart to? Jessica and Natalie.

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When was the last time you kissed someone who was asleep? This morning. That's how I wake my wife up.

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When you were a child, and your parents wanted you to eat something you didn't like where were the children starving? "There are Children in India who are starving who'd LOVE those Lima beans!" My parents learned early on not to pull that card, because I always offered to send the offending substance to the starving children.

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Do you have any wicker furniture? No. I'm not wild about having "grill marks" on my ass.

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Who do you believe will become the next U.S. President? I think the Republican party is really off it's game this time around, so whoever wins the Democratic nomination will be President.

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Have you ever fallen in love with an animated character? (for instance a character from a game or a Disney film) No, but the actress hired to be Jasmine (from Aladdin) at Disneyland in Anaheim made my pants tight.

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If you were invited, would you join the Church of Satan? No thanks. I don't think I could afford the tithes.

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My wife and I held hands in public. Could I be pregnant? This is one of those situations that you hear about, but never think it's going to happen to you. Okay, first things first; yes, you COULD be pregnant. Monkey COULD also fly out of my a$$. Secondly, what kind of sick, perverted, weirdo would hold hands with his own wife in a public place where everyone can witness this heinously deviant behavior. You brought this on yourself. You...

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What is the best noise to make to disguise a fart other than the usual *cough* fart *cough*? I usually hum "Flight of the Valkyries" at the top of my lungs when I'm floating an air biscuit. If I pitch it just right, it blends right in with my singing. It sounds like I'm harmonizing.

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If I asked you to go and pick a CD out of your collection and put it on right this minute , which one would your hand be drawn to first? Either Cherry Poppin' Daddies or any old Billy Joel.

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There's a gaping hole in my floor, anyone know where it leads to? I don't know...but if you see a rabbit running by complaining about being late, roll over and go back to sleep.

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Crazy accidents you dont want to experience again? Having a guy stick a gun in my face because he thought I stole something from him.

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How do you like your environment? Hot, Warm, Cool or Cold? During the day, I like it warm. When it's time for bed, I like to snuggle under the covers on a cool night.

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My boyfriend tells me he is the only one that loves me for me...all the other guys i've dated only want to get me in the sack. What's his motivation for a comment like that? You're implying that he isn't being genuine when he says this to you. Does he usually say this as he's leading you toward the bed?

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My boyfriend gets angry at me when I don't say or do something he thinks I should have...I will have an answer to something and he gets mad because he thinks my answer should have been different....controlling? Yep. Move on. Now. Don't wait. This condition will not improve. If you feel that the relationship deserves saving, then insist on couples' counseling. Otherwise, get your stuff and go.

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What don't you hear people saying anymore? That's the bees knees! That's the cat's pajamas! Fill 'er up with unleaded...and make sure to check the oil. Thank you. Say Goodnight, Gracie.

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How long has it been since you shaved your legs? 42 years. I tend to part it on the left. Once in a while I like to put in a kicky French braid.

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Do you love someone because they are beautiful, or are they beautiful because you love them? Both. It started out the first one, and became the second one over time.

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Is Wednesday your "hump day" at work? Does it go downhill and faster after that? Yeah, I guess. Thursdays can get pretty crazy around the office and there is a big push on Friday mornings to get stuff done before our 2pm deadline of pushing new content live to our web sites. The worst is when it's Thursday and I think it's Friday. THAT makes for a very long Friday.

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Which is easier to look after a boy or a girl? and if you have no kids which will you prefer? For me, girls are much easier to deal with. I've got two of them and I've only added a few gray hairs since they were born. My brother-in-law has a 3 year old boy, and whenever they come over to the house, I look at my living room and wonder what will be broken by the time they leave.

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Do you think we would be better off or worse off if our leaders weren't always so sure that they were "right"? We need leaders who can make difficult, even unpopular decisions. That said, these same leaders also need to be able to accept the advice of experts in their respective fields and be willing to amend their decision in the face of contrary empirical evidence that their course of action is faulty.

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I sooooooo want to order flowers for myself today and have the Flower Shop deliver it on Valentine's Day, but i am afraid I will get funny looks at Flower Shop, just do it anyway? You can always order flowers online. If that isn't an option, then screw it. Walk in to the florist with your head held high and tell them you want flowers delivered to your address. You don't really think you're the first person that's ever done this before, right?

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Just out of curiosity. What does everyone do for a living? Me? I'm a female impersonator by day and a male prostitute by night. LOL!!! J/K I'm a full time nursing student. I work for the online division of a movie studio.

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Would/could you forgive a rapist? I'd like to think I'm mature and loving enough to be able to, but there is no way on earth I could look someone in the eye who had violated another person like that and feel anything but hate and loathing.

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Is there such things as aliens? If so why do they exist? I think mathematically, the answer would have to be yes. Whether they would fly a gabazillion light years to come to this planet to anally probe hillbillies is another question altogether.

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If you had two cupcakes, to whom would you give the second? One goes to Jessica, the other goes to Natalie, and I get on the treadmill as penance for even THINKING about eating a cupcake.

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How long have you been with that special person? We met almost 12 years ago (on 2/15) and we've been married almost 8 years.

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Which would you prefer: a large fan in the shower floor or a towel? I can't imagine turning on a huge turbine in the floor to dry myself in the morning. I'm barely awake, and the only thing separating me from spinning blades of death is a screen?? No thanks.

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What was some common parenting advice before Dr. Spock came along? Spare the rod, spoil the child. Bleh.

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What's the last thing that happened to you or around you that made you nervous? I walked into the living room on Sunday to find that my two year old had successfully climbed the bookshelf. THE SEVEN-FOOT TALL BOOKSHELF! Yeah, I was a little nervous for the nano-second it took me to get across the room and get her down.

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What's the first thing to come to mind when you think of "San Francisco"? The best sourdough and chocolate on the planet...and Alcatraz!

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If you were not (are not?) in a relationship, and you had no fear of disease or pregnancy, would you be (are you?) promiscuous or celibate? When I was not in a relationship I tended toward celibacy. I'm one of those guys whose heart is attached to his d*ck, so I need some emotional attachment for anything to <ahem> work properly.

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Are you happy with your cellular provider? If not what are some things you would like to change? I'm pretty happy. My only complaint is that when I buy a phone...I just want a phone. I don't play games, I don't take pictures, I just make a receive phone calls. Every phone out there has all these extra bells and whistles that I will never use. You want to make me really happy? Give me a cellphone that can receive a call when I'm in the 5th sublevel of my parking...

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What age driver gets on your nerves......The young know it all, or the elderly who can't see? Stupid has no age limitations. But they don't really test for that at the DMV.

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Just bought a bull snake, got any good names for him? Bully? Snaky? Oh wait! How about Death-Bringer To All Vermin. You can call him Deathy for short.

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What is your superhero name? [one word description of your current underwear/and an item in your junk drawer or closet + MAN or WOMAN] Dead Watch Battery Man! I'm in the process of getting a fully pose-able action figure made.

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Is life a giant puzzle that you have to put together all the peaces to complete? Life is a puzzle, but I don't think you ever really complete it. I don't think you're supposed to. If you finish the picture, what's the point in getting up tomorrow.

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If you found out that there is no more toothpaste in the house, how would you brush your teeth? Doritos have enough of a crunch that it would scrape the tartar right off your teeth and leave you with fresh, cheesy breath.

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You are locked in your bathroom and someone has broken into your home...what item in your bathroom would you choose to try and defend yourself with? I would smear my wifes makeup all over my face, wrap my shower curtain around me and run out of the bathroom screaming like a banshee. Hopefully, the intruder would be too stunned by the vision of an egregiously ugly woman in a hideous moomoo running and caterwauling down the hallway to do anything until I made it out the front door and across the street where I could call authorities.

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Have you ever had your hair cut by a hairdresser with atrocious hair? I went to a hair stylist place that was walking distance from my apartment when I lived in Hollywood. The guy that sat me had black lipstick, half his head shaved, and the other half tinted green and swooping down across his face. Best haircut I've ever had. He listened to what I wanted (much more mainstream than his coif) and executed it flawlessly. And he smelled like cashews,...

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Who thinks it should be mandatory that one goes to driving school before being able to obtain a driver's license? Isn't it already? Now you've got me scared. Yes, it should be mandatory. And they should show all those movies that we saw, "Blood On The Highway", etc.

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Would you have one of your fingers surgically removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases? Only if I get to pick the finger.

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Isn't scented toilet paper just wrong on so MANY levels? It just never made sense to me considering that I luckily don't have many olfactory senses on the part of the body where I use the toilet paper.

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If a cashier gives you too much change back, do you tell them? If they were rude to you would you not return the money? Yep. If I notice it right away I do. If I'm at home by the time I notice it, no.

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