Answer to:
If you had the power to change your girlfriend/wife into a mannequin for a short amount of time, would you do it? This would be save me from the `No I don`t want to try anal` argument every Sunday morning.

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What should I say to her? Wait! hold it! Before you make her into a plastic mannequin, sell her organs on the black market first. I did the same thing with my thick but attractive daughter.(told the wife she ran away, luckily she is as dumb as her daughter)

| 3 people like this

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I could not _______ without my ____________? I could not wank off a Zombie without my lucky Zombie wank-off gloves.

| 1 person likes this

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In that movie The Ring when the victims die of fright, which famous person would have the same affect on you if you saw them naked? Lady Diana, as she is now.

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Which movie star of the eighties had most spunk splats from you're jimmy riddle,bedroom fumblings? Kim Catterall & Molly Ringwald, she could eat an orange through a letterbox.

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Who would win a bare breasted fight using only tea towels & a toffee hammer,Dawn French or Boris Johnson? The victor wins a chocolate orange Dawn French would have the weight advantage and her massive swinging pendulous knawks would surely hypnotize Boris into shouting `Oh Nanny` again and again.

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Immediate reaction on seeing your mother naked fisting the postman over a bed of daffodils? Aww no mum, not again!

| 1 person likes this

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What does Kirstie Alley eat to make her so BIG. Abortions, day old kittens & fresh guano...do I win a prize?

| 1 person likes this

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Watch Sympathy for the Devil dvd, buy, online download, quality, download movie I have a dvd of me farting on your dead grandmas stuffed cat. its at http://www.spammingbastards.com

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Has someone really offended you on Answerbag? The guy who wanted to rape me with a rose bush was quite amusing & nearly reached offensive level.

| 3 people like this

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What is the best way to get vomit,semen,diarrhea & goats blood out of a carpet? ?

| 1 person likes this

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Where have all the dirty tramps gone? France

| 1 person likes this

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Can anybody explain in simple but scientific terms why farts change in pitch? This reminds me of an old Billy Connolly gag ` It`s not the fart that makes the noise it`s your arse cheeks clapping to applaud it`

| 1 person likes this

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Who are you? Where do you come from? What do you want? Neilychops, Scotland, Beer.

| 1 person likes this

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Can childhood obesity help prevent paedophillia? Only if the local Priest is not a `chubby chaser`

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Do you like exploding things? An exploding Tony Blair would be marvelous or perhaps a Sarah Jessica Parker time bomb would be nearly as good.

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If you fart loudly in public is it polite to acknowledge it or run? It usually works better if you blame someone else, preferably a woman.

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What is Sophia Loren famous for? Her big eyes & bangers.

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Are Asian men better than white men for long term relationships, as they divorce less? Why don't women of any race go for them then? My girlfriend (white) does not find Asian men attractive at all, she thinks they look too feminine & slight. Asian females are often feminine & slight as well, but this is often seen as attractive to white men.

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Inserting whole Horse Chestnut up the bum has what effect on hemorrhoids? Why not try the whole horse chestnut tree?

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How would you react to a interracial lesbian couple like a black girl and a chinese girl. Need help please. I would get my video camera out.

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What cruel or unusual punishment do you think would be really funny to inflict on convicts? Availing oneself with a good thick pair of long elbow length gloves, wrapping said gloves in razor wire & fisting naughty convicts brutally. Then forcing other convicts to suck off the gore from your gloves.

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When Gordon Brown went into that old biddy's house t'other day do you think he offered her hush money or did he lick her cheesy pussy out? With all the mad rush of the week leading up to the election, do you think any of the leaders of the political parties have time for a wank?

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Should I be scared, I just said my first prayer to Satan? =P Don`t bother, that big red bastard never answers mine. Tony Blair is still alive & not being fisted by an enraged Godzilla.

| 6 people like this

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Is Bam Margera a douche? More of a wanka, i would say.

| 1 person likes this

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is it me, or are there a lot of stupid questions on ab? Yes indeed, most of them concern religion & teenage pregnancy.

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I wanna change my name (when I'm 18) so I won't get confused with my twin sister anymore. What should i change my name to? Titty banjo Mc funny fwuff.

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Do guys like girls with blonde hair? Only if its on their chest

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Without seeing me, who would you say I bear a physical resemblance to? Barbara Bush (she is one hot g.i.l.f)

| 2 people like this

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Do you believe that anyone who fits the "profile" of a serial killer, will inevitably become one, even if they haven't killed anyone yet? I do hope so!

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Have you healed your childhood trauma ? Yes, I buried it. (it was a pervert priest)

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Can you name a really good book that you have read lately? I just read 'The Piano Tuner'--excellent `The Terror` by Dan Simmons is very very good. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Terror-Dan-Simmons/dp/0553818201/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272401641&sr=8-1

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Answer to:
Have you got any controversial new theories? Women s breasts & buttocks use a complicated mathematical code to hypnotize & weaken men into submission so that we buy them more shoes..

| 2 people like this

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Do all the answerbag staff smell of piss & desperation? More likely Vodka & skid marks.

| 1 person likes this

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What is True Worship? Which worship pleases the Lord? Giving me all your money would please your god no end.

| 2 people like this

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Whats the best way to tell a friend that you think they are gay? Give him a dildo for his birthday.

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Christian: When watching your favorite non-Christian entertainers, do you remember to pray for their salvation? How often do u pray 4 them? Here is an idea, i realize it`s a bit crazy a bit out there. But why not just enjoy the show instead?

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My 13 year old son has just been brought home by the police and cautioned for shoplifting. What would be the best way to punish him, caning his bare backside with willlow or making him survive on water alone for two days? Make him live with a priest for a week.

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Ohh dear, I'm a brainless moron! I haven't got the imagination to ask a proper question so I'll just _______ Eat the unwashed socks of a dead child?

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In the song "Life on Mars?" David Bowie sang "I could spit in the eyes of fools". Wouldn't it be excellent if someone spat in his damn fool weirdo eye? I should very much like to jizz in his eye whilst his darkie wife fisted my nom-nom

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When playing football as a kid what were the most unusual objects you used for posts? Karen Carpenter & Lena Zavaroni

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a question to non bible believers , if the bible is just one big fairy story to you then why is the bible prophecy`s 100% accurate to date The bible is only good for one thing & that is wiping your arse.

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How many volts of electricity would you have to pass through a kitten to make it dance the Charleston? That would be a nice turn on `whatever your country is` has got talent.

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Who wants to start an Old South styled colony with me?...Minus the slaves. I was right with you....until you said `minus the slaves`

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Does a wildebeest know it's an ugly fucker & therefore throws itself down a lions gob out of self pity? Hey there fellow crazy bastard, I think they have evolved to be so ugly so as to entice other Wildebeests(and anything else) to take them from behind. This is their favored position.

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What's a really good test of a friendship ? Shag his wife & see if he forgives you.

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do you ever hear about women ever raping a man? No, but Sarah Jessica Parker may have to rape a man. As there is no way a sane man would go anywhere near that transvestite donkey witch.

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In the heat of the moment, would you put your body/ life at risk for a complete stranger? If she was super hot with big tits.

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What strange song would you like a hired singer to sing during your wedding day? `Bodies` by the Sex pistols, an enchanting tune.

| 1 person likes this

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What was your most embarrasing moment so far? Sharting myself whilst wearing a white suit at my wedding.

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is insulting people, a human right? Sure is, you wanka.

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Does the gene FOXP2 account for the main difference between humans and chimps ? No, the main difference is we don`t throw our own shit at Chimps.

| 2 people like this

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if you saw some1 peeing in public would you care? Only if they don`t mind seeing someone jack off in public.

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if you saw some1 peeing in public would you care? If it was a lady, I would take a long hard look.

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So i was wondering, what would creatures on other planets be like? The bad ones will be like lawyers & the good ones will be like little old ladies.

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does anyone know if lee evans is touring in the UK this year? I hope you want to shoot him dead on stage, the idea of someone actually paying to see that primate faced buffoon fills me with nausea.

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My boss craps on all the work I do? What can I do about it? Buy him a man sized nappy.

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What sandwich could be BLT without Bacon Lettuce or Tomatoes? Bureaucrat, Lesbian & Terrorist.

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If the Loch Ness Monster turns out to be a Plesiosaurus, can we remove the 'extinct' label from dinosaurs? No because a plesiosuar is not a dinosaur.

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Which is your favourite swear word? Pissflaps

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I'm looking for a job. I've been told that I should cold call, but I'm too shy... Well if you shot everyone there would be lots of vacancies.

| 2 people like this

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I like this girl a lot and I found her phone so I started making calls but not speaking. I know its wrong, but am so shy, what should I do? Ask her what she is wearing then start to breath heavily & throw in the occasional grunt for effect.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what would you do if you found your wife with you rotweiller? Shoot the Rottweiller for cheating on me.

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Boy, would you date someone with lots of hair in her arms?? Nah, I don`t go for French women.(or Chimpanzees)

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How would you feel if Jesus and his apostles surrounded you on motorcycles and proceeded to say NI? Build them a shrubbery.

| 1 person likes this

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Where can I buy cheap yet sexy lingerie for my dead grandma? Try Wayne Rooneys garage under his stashed copies of `Gaping Grannies`.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
how to tell if your bearded dragon is a boy or girl? See if it leaves the toilet seat up?

Answer to:
how did michaele jackson died He had a bad attack of grammar.

Answer to:
Hi I live in Nova Scotia, Canada and I'm looking for a girl who is 14-16 y/o. Single ladies, do what beyonce says, put your hands up. I hope you are also in the 14-16 year old age group & not some middle aged peedo pervert.

Answer to:
do you think your animals ever blame their farts on you ? like - "it was the human " I tried to blame the murders in my basement on my poodle, but the court would not believe me.

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Answer to:
This site is the greatest load a shit! Fuck ye That`s the most intellegent question that has ever been posted here.

Answer to:
How to keep your cars shine without wax or polish? Laminate it

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
what is the greatest joy in your life? Looking at your profile pic

| 2 people like this

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Where should my cat and my demon baby go on their honeymoon? Aspen for the Skiing.

| 2 people like this

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Why is the Answerbag member `Wellduh` such a pompus knob-head? He/she/it is a complete tool and a waste of good D.N.A.

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How come British people can't pronounce aluminum? I pronounce it Arse-titty-banjo-flakes & I`m from Kansas.

| 2 people like this

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If there's such a thing as inter-species' breeding and you get to breed with other animals, what animal would you choose? I like kangaroo. I would have a Pony, transport you can hump.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
would you shag me for free? I think you might just get a lot of gay men coming on to you.

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Do you think we are ready for a 21st Century remake of Wonder Woman? If so, who do you think should play her? Bella Emberg is the obvious choice obviously.

Answer to:
why is my kitten now only opening one eye instead of two could it have an infection Pehaps it wants to be a pirate, get it an eyepatch.

Answer to:
Can rats help clear landmines? Only if you can throw them hard enough.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what cn i do to make a man hard real fast Emerce him in super-glue.

| 1 person likes this

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does the chicken in chicken mcnuggets come from china No, I think it comes from stray dogs & roadkill.

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What fruit is your fav? Richard Simmons

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do u know what a mando is It`s so good you posted it four times.

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How crappy is your life? Life is never crap, when you can wank & laugh.

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What other instant pets are there other than seamonkeys? Roadkill , but it`s not very interactive.

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My boyfriend used a kitten as an emergency condom & I now have feline AIDS, Help! Hey don`t worry we have all been there.

| 1 person likes this

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I`m 19 & my boyfriend has made me pregnant, this came as shock as he is a Shetland pony. Are you also a Shetland pony? (who can type)

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Would a shaved Kitten make a nice ornament? Especially if it was placed inside a microwave for 10 minutes on maximum power.

| 1 person likes this

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I caught my wife bumping the neighbor. What should I do? Get your revenge by `accidentally` sticking your `gentleman` up your neighbours arse.

| 1 person likes this

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I get turned on by professional emailing.... is this normal? Yes, she is obviously hot for you. Send her back a picture of your `man package`

| 1 person likes this

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How to fight workplace bully? Frame her by hiding kiddie porn in her locker.

| 1 person likes this

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Girls, what would you do if you saw a guy you were talking to having a huge boner? My brother does this to me all the time.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What's a sexy name for a girl? Panties McMoist

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Answer to:
Where is the National Library of New Zealand? Inside a sheep

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Why do atheists arrogantly proclaim their extremist view point and dismiss all other's beliefs? Why do Christians arrogantly proclaim their extremist view point and dismiss all other's beliefs?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
'what is the best way to remove toe jam?' - Chris Hutchinson Pay an elderly & desperate prostitute to suck it out, works for me.

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If you owned an animal shelter what would you name it? Chinese Take-Away

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Is Zwinky.com a virus? Is this a sneaky way to get people to go to a bad web page. hmmmm?

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Does the Labour party really have a chance of winning the next election? Don`t think so, I think they have blown it. I feel sorry for Brown it`s Tony Blair I despise with his illegal war & non existent W.O.M.D. Having said that I would trust the tories about as far as I could throw Susan Boyle. If I was English I would vote Liberal, but I`m not. I`ll be voting for the S.N.P as I always do.

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How will we deal with an aging population? Have you ever seen the movie `Soylent green`? Well cross that with Greggs the bakers and you have my answer.

| 2 people like this

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Should Iceland give us our money back? Let`s invade, then do some raping & pillaging. Let`s see how those blond bastards like it up em!

| 2 people like this

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I dreamed Jamie Lee Curtis was being dragged off to hell by Arthur Askey and George Formby (two ugly and irritating British "entertainers" of yesteryear). Did you have a Halloween dream? Did you know Arthur Asky had his legs off in the last years of his life, knowing that now imagine him and George formby dragging Jamie off to hell. I have also just thought of George Formby giving Jamie a large facial with his love ukulele, then saying `Turned out nice again`.

| 1 person likes this

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Chief Ironside was always eating chilli. Do you think he had a special commode set into his wheelchair? No, but I heard he had a false arm & one of his real ones was in his frilly panties, investigating his own special `crime scene`.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Where do blizzards occur? Wherever there are blind wizards.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what male artist sold the most albums in 2009? Pablo Picasso

| 2 people like this

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From Cow and Chicken, do you like Cow or Chicken better? Neither, I worshipped the Red Guy.

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What do you think of Bob Dylan and his music? It`s a bit of a shame, as the songs were great. But Bob`s voice is terrible.

Answer to:
What do you think of Bob Dylan and his music? It`s a bit of a shame, as the songs were great. But Bob`s voice is terrible.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Married men: What is the best thing your wife ever said to you? Okay okay okay I`ll try anal!

| 1 person likes this

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How do I get my penis to be larger? Sew a banana onto the end of it.

| 1 person likes this

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Im in my 30's and never had a long term relationship. its always fun for a couple of weeks/months and then dump me. what should I do? Try not to kill them, once you get bored with them.

Answer to:
Where can I buy "The Addams Family" on Region 2 DVD? From about 100000,000003 online retailers, not to mention all the high streets stores. That in these enlightened times sell such items.

Answer to:
what the difference between a british and a chicken? I personally find this question highly sensual.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you boycott Roman Polanski movies? No way! I like to dress provocatively as a schoolgirl and flounce around the cinema, even though I`m a middle aged man with bad hygiene.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you weep uncontrollably before you go to your god-awful job in the morning? Yes, but I find dropping smelly farts at my place of work. Cheer me up no end, but I don`t think the hotel guests like it much.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Why the Heck are you looking at me like that? I just wanted to tell you that... I see dead people...

| 2 people like this

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We breeding with 1 buck. We have successfully bred them before but after a break we have lost 4 consecutive litters. Help? Wow! you have successfully bred a Dollar, cut me in man?

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Have you ever done battle with an angry witch? I did once tell my grandma to `Fuck off`

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Was Jesus Christian? No, he was an atheist

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What is the best way to dispose of this unwanted dead body I have locked away in my man-sized-safe? Eat it then throw it all up & then make love to the vomit. afterwords go for a shower and watch it all wash away. Do I win a prize?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Your ideal girlfriend is??? A horny millionaire who was also silent would be ideal

| 1 person likes this

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What`s the best way to make a Ferret have sex with a kitten? Give the Ferret Viagra & nail the kitten down.

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Would dogs make good prostitutes? Dogs in pantyhose bring it on! Along with Crocodiles in garter belts.

| 1 person likes this

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I have been a bad boy on answerbag, how should I be punished? A good fisting by Richard Simmons should sort you out.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Would you swap your wife for a second hand car? I would swap my wife for a second hand toy car.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Why are Indian call girls so ugly? It`s all mother Teresa`s fault

| 1 person likes this

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What`s in your wife`s handbag? Afterbirth in a handbag is such a powerful image

| 1 person likes this

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Is the all new answerbag full of??? It would have been better if it was possible to vote for a combination of questions 3 & 4 i.e `Self righteous bastards`

| 1 person likes this

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Are you aroused by....? There is a certain beauty in an innocent maiden sheep.

| 1 person likes this

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What do you think of Tariq Ali? Bugger wiki, I`m going to say he is 11th century choirboy fister & part time flange welder. Who was caught trying to smuggle biscuits into Cassius Clays colon in 1848 & then sentenced to right good bumming by Captain Kirk.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something you would see in the back of a dump truck? The body parts of prostitutes

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White on black discrimination is considered wrong. Why is black on white discrimination allowed and actually encouraged in comedy? Because the darkies are coming to get us.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How much would I have to pay the average prostitute to pooh on me? About £40 should do it, but I would do it for £1

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What is a nice way to tell a girl that you only like her as a friend? (after you had been going out) Tell her `Your tits are too small for my tastes`

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
why is my arm sticky? Bill Clinton is rubbing his cigar on it.

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Is it a sin to have sex with jesus? Jesus is a well know slut, it`s not a good idea to have some naughties with him. As your genitals will explode shortly after.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What will mature a kid in a hurry? (And I mean a BIG hurry?) Growth hormones

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What will mature a kid in a hurry? (And I mean a BIG hurry?) Sending him/her off to war.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
hows the old brown starfish It`s tootin away.

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Have you ever seen a black sheep? I think there is one in the Whitehouse

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Does anal sex have benefits? Only if you want to walk like John Wayne.

| 2 people like this

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i found £50 earlyer should i give it to hatie Nah, Spend it on a hooker.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what makes anal sex easier Diarrhea

Answer to:
Which group in 1960's sold out at Wembley Arena for 5 consecutive nights? Bin Ladden & the Fatwahs

Answer to:
anybody a drake fan on hear? Do you mean a male duck or perhaps you mean Nick Drake the dead English folk musician?

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Best Friends Episode The one where they all get eaten by The Loch Ness Monster.

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Who would win in a fight-Freddy Krueger or Pinhead? Neither, they are both closet trannys who like to play with dolls.

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What works to get rid of acne? Sudden death.

| 1 person likes this

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Would you like to watch a show called, Dancing with Dwarfs? Not my kind of show really, but they might get me to tune in if they ended each show with a dwarf orgy that concluded with special guest Bukkake.

| 1 person likes this

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If God were a Snickers bar & not light, or the trinity, or a lamb.... would you eat him? I would stick him up the pope`s arse and say 3 Heil Hitlers.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you hate Elton John music? Anything after `I`m still standing` is crap, I also can`t abide that ferret he wears on his head. He aint fooling anybody, we all know he is a slaphead.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Which episode of doctor who is your favourite? The one where he fingers Davros.

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What do men really want? Sex, beer, pizza, silence & obedience. We might get 2 or 3 of those things, but never the holy grail that is all 5.

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what does milky tears indicate? A facial gone wrong.

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ufo`s , from god , satan or both They come from Uranus.

| 1 person likes this

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if i put a funnel in a girls vagina and dumped water down it could i make her belly look big and pregnant if i did it right If you want to make her look pregnant, why not just shag her? (unless of course you are a girl)

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whats so special about taking a virgin's virginity? It`s only special when you tie her father up & make him watch.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
what are the black things on the crab legs The Jackson 4

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if your from the uk and your a cockney / geordie or yardie then watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BV8KfpE3BA I knocked one out whilst watching this, very sexy!

Answer to:
Why did God created us ? To improve our grammar?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is a super-cheesy pick-up line? I have Mozzarella in my underwear, do you want to make a love pizza?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the size of the planet Venus? 4 John Candys or 6 Rosanne Barrs.

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What is the size of the planet Venus? Sarah Palins womb

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I'm planning a Goonies themed party and need some help. What would you like to see at a Goonies party? Strippers

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I have two arms, but fingers none.I have two feet, but can\'t run, but I can carry what am I Christopher Reeve

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how do i convince my dad to let me get a rat? Rats make great pets, but they don`t live very long you will be very lucky if your rat reaches 3. They are also very social and if you get just 1 solitary rat, he/she will be very lonely. So get 2 at least, have a look here... http://www.ratz.co.uk/

| 1 person likes this

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Wigs or hats, which one is better? Why do you ask, are you a baldy?

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Why Hitler kill so many jews in the holocaust .. ? Because he was a cunt.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
have two female staff pups how old should they be to breed ?? just wondered If they have graduated school, then it should be o.k to breed with them.

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is a staffordshire bullerrier ilegal to breed ? and is bakers complete a tribute to cancer ? Yes it`s illegal to breed with a Staffordshire Bull terrier, unless you live in the Middle East or Kansas. I care not a jot for the law, my own Bull Terrier looks so hot dressed in thigh-highs with false eyelashes & lipstick on.

Answer to:
Who is the thinest person in the world Ally McBeal, I made sweet love to her once. Well I tried to, but my love-trumpet was thicker than she was.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
A Christian told me that Jesus did not want to change the established order. Is this true? Nah, Jesus is just like the rest of us. All he wants is beer, pizza & porn.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can you tell me the name of this British actress (JRESAOA?E) Florence Jizzbucket

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Whats a 3 letter word for hard water? Bum

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what are the main jobs that the south korean people do Ladyboys

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An 11-year-old just gave birth to a baby. You OK with that? I`m currently wearing the afterbirth as a hat.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
i want to shave my legs but my mom wont let me how can i do it with out her finding out Frame her in an intricate murder plot, then hey presto! you can shave whatever you like whilst she is in the `big house`.

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Kiwis; Do you know any good websites to assist me finding work in New Zealand? bigwhoresdownunder.nz

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What works to get rid of acne? Sandpaper

Answer to:
my english springer keeps pucking and not being barely able to walk can anyone explain this? Is it being raped regularly by a creepy neighbour?

Answer to:
What's more important than knowledge? Porn beer & pizza

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How much should a nanny charge per hour? Probably about £7.00 - £8.00 but £15.00 if she includes Anal.

Answer to:
how can i make my butt bigger Get married and start nagging your partner, the side effect of this is your breasts go south, But your arse goes east and west.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
what does future hold for my brother anil? He changes his name to Anal & he has a bright future in the porn industry.

Answer to:
Which food is most commonly choked on? Big black cock

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If I go poo poos after watching Star Trek, I pretend I'm firing photon torpedos. Do you play fantasy role games while waiting for nature to take its course? (This can also include wee wees, farting and cleaning your toilet area). I like to play stretch the winky after I see Jonathan Ross`s wife on the telly.

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Hey I just came across a group people travelling across india to create awareness about Global Warming?what do you think about this? I have also came across a group of people traveling across India, they were very angry about all the sperm on their turbans.

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Why are my nostrils leaking? Someone has sown up your arse & the stuff has to go somewhere.

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Does Richard Simmons exist? Only in my `wank bank`

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Can we send this crap "new" edition of the beloved AB straight back where it came from please? Yup, it`s poorly laid out & rather confusing. Why did they feel it needed changing?

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What's a memorable commercial for you? Loved the Chewits adds with the big monster.

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Why does doing the right thing - suck? When you assassinate someone who deserves it, but you get 30 years in jail.

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A few days ago I caught a youth of about 17 burgling my house. I easily overpowered him (element of surprise) and managed to get him locked in the cellar. He has now got past the angry aggressive stage and has started whimpering. What should I do to him? Have a wank in the garden, that will show him.

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Does your tongue pop out from between your lips whilst you are concentrating on composing a question or an answer at the keyboard? only when uncle Hamish fingers my arse.

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I am 46 years old and in love with a very special person who is 33 years older than me. Some people say that it won't work because of the age difference. Are they right? How do I take the relationship to the next level? If you want to take the relationship up to the next level, have you tried fisting? Or maybe you could make your own `Scat` film. Or why not cut your beloved fingers off & shove them up your arse as a symbol of your love?

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Could you enjoy a nice relaxing soak in a bathtub that someone close to you had committed suicide in? Only if the water was still warm and the deceased was skinny.

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Why should I do anything other than despise you? Because I`m your uncle Neilychops, who touched you a lot in your special place. All those years ago.

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We have Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Porky Pig. What would be a good name for a cartoon Panda? Poofter The Panda Paedo The Panda Pimp De Panda Pissed The Panda Porno The Panda

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Apart from you're home. Where would your dream Christmas day be spent? In a Turkish brothel

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Americans.You've got to _____________? Invade Canada.

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Who thinks they got what it takes to wind me up? I have a key & I do believe you are clockwork.

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If you're ever down in _________ look me up? Hell

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Does your job entail you having to ask permission to go to the toilet? I just go in my trousers.

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Which movie / tv family would make the best neighbours? Th Addams family, as most of them are dead, nice and quiet.

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I've always thought you were _________ now I see that was ___________? I've always thought you were pregnant now I see that was just trapped gas.

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She's a ________ & she's looking ________. I'd like to take her _________ that's ____________? She`s a turkey & she`s looking sexy. I`d like to take her giblets that`s tasty.

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Who's voice would you least like to have directing you on your satellite navigation? Bobcat Goldthwait

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Do cats blow off? If so, is the guff audible or is there just a terrible smell? Yes indeed, I spend hours crouched behind Tiberious the cat with a ready lighter.

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What is your humorous method of keeping a conversation from getting into a lull? Do an effeminate little dance.

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What is your ideal date? include ONE thing you HAVE to buy for her/him. Somewhere very scenic and spectacular with a lot of wildlife, say a Whale watching trip in Alaska. I think I would have to buy her a warm jacket & scarf.

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Who on AB is probably hiding a dead body in their closet? `Wild guess man` Has that certain serial killer panache.

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If Jesus was around today what would you get him for Christmas or his birthday even? Just for fun. No lectures please!! Pliers, to pull the nails out.

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My ____ runs _______ my _________ is a _________? My wife runs a death camp my dog is a transvestite

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Why do women shave their armpits and men dont? This does not apply all over the world, in France for example women are encouraged to have `rugs` under their arms.

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Stop that _________ i'm in the middle of __________? Wanking---------------A job interview.

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When asking a question on ab what is more important to you getting an answer or getting points? Getting some kind of response, is far more entertaining. Be it positive or negative, or even sexual.

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See we (England) got an easy World Cup draw yesterday. Bring on the Yanks! Do you think they know it's a round ball they have to kick? Have to support the Americans here, as I have an American partner( and closet psycho) + American relations. The U.S.A have come on leaps and bounds in recent years, so it will be far from an easy game for you English.

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What's the most irritating accent in your country? Eastern Northern Ireland, can be a bit grating. For example Ian Paisley or that bird from girls Aloud.

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Name something in your wardrobe that you probably need to get rid of? Madeline McCann

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If you ever meet Pee Wee Herman, will you give him a strong handshake? Only after he washed his hands.

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How do you forget someone you love? Lots of beer

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What song can you sing really well? Twinkle Twinkle little star

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In north europe, what do they call men , who protects community from supernatural powers and gods with bad spirit, who is arbiter and has ascendancy in politics and religion? Big Tam

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Will a guy come right out and tell you if he likes you or not? Nah, just look for the signs. Paying you lots of attention, smiling at you a lot etc.

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Barbara Streisand V Barry Manilow V Dustin Hoffman. Who nose the winner? Fuck nose.

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Who do you think is the next famous person to die? Tiger Woods in a car crash.

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What's an inappropriate thing to say to the bride at a wedding? Hey Jimmy! I see the sex change worked.

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Funniest song to have sex to would be? Grandma we love you by the St Winnifred school choir. (whilst actually shagging your own grandma)

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Why did Hitler target Jews during the Holocaust? Because he was a very very bad man.

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OK. Can you shock me? Give it your best shot! I have Mother Teresa`s corpse in the loft, I have been shagging it 4 times a week for 4 years. She was 6 stone when I got her, she now weights 11. I really need to empty her, but I like the cuddly older woman who is dead.

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Catch a falling star and ------------------------------------? Hope it isn`t Susan Boyle.

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Has any body got any actual real information that is interesting in the slightest My nipples can pick up radio signals.

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What else, can a condom be used for? Placing in your wallet & pretending you have a sex life.

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Meow? Meow? Meow? NO! kitty, these are my cheesy poofs.

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What parts of your body do you shave on a regular basis? My mono-brow.

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What are some fun things me and my friend can do at my house? We are 18 years old! I live out of town so were just gonna be in the house all night!! Scrabble, knitting, Satan worship & bondage.

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What would your reaction be, when you died & the next thing you experienced (after dying) was waking up in a bed, to discover that your entire life has been nothing but a dream you had, & no one you ever knew, really existed? (I think I'd be devastated.) It would be sad, but on the other hand no more politicians and psycho girlfriends.

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What's something you can do without in your life right now? My partner! (bet you never saw that one coming)

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Is there anything in your home you rarely use, do you want to sell, how much? You can have the missus for £5.00, I will even throw in a pair of bent scissors for free.

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What's the worst thing to say to a morbidly obese person over dinner? I sharted in your oxtail soup.

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What is the root cause of all Evil? Big tits

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Is there any art in your home that was done by either you or another member of your family? Mrs Neilychops is very artistic & we have quite a few of her works on the walls.

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If you could eat anyone, who would it be? Anyone who collects the eggs of rare birds, those scumbags should be eaten to extinction.

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Which cartoon characters should have been strangled at birth? Peter mandleson

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Most people agree that Jesus was ____________? Adopted

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If you owned a raceing horse, what would you call it? Sarah Jessica parker

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Too British ABers. What was your favourite Carry on movie? Carry on Screaming, with Fenella Fielding looking very vampish.

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What games do you win at most, if at all? Scrabble

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What is overrated ..? Harry Potter & that Twilight bollocks.

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Would this toy creep you out? Almost as much as those kids teeth.

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Anyone else agree that humans deserve extinction? No, just the French.

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Chewing one's beefsteak one does be open to the peril of being suffocated as statistics say. Now have you anything to add this? Put it in the blender first.

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Name something that human beings can experience, that Gawd CANNOT experience. Do you have any idea what it might be? And yes, there are probably SEVERAL answers to this. (I know of at least TWO, and I'll give my response on the evening of 11-28-09.) Birth, Having a crap ,hemorrhoids, the hot love of a sexy woman.

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Hi my name is Candy (sweet as hehehe!) I'm 16, yes way I know sooooo old right! A big birdy flew past my window last night, yeah as if!! My mommy said it was a stork. Does this mean I'm pregnant? Coz if I am like I can totally live with that hehehehe!!! Candy, you can`t be pregnant. We only have anal sex.

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What is the hardest thing to walk away from? Beer

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What part of your body do you love to show off most? The wife likes my eyes & hair.

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Can you name a country that is known for its beautiful beaches? We have some lovely beaches in Scotland, but it can be a bit too cold to go bathing.

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What are you least likely to take to the beach? Fat chicks

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Sushi is_____________. Godzilla`s brother in law.

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Has anyone come across Satan in life time? yes, he needed a Kleenex after I had finished with him.

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When was the last time you were genuinely scared? What scared you? It was 33 yrs ago When I was in the boy scouts, our scoutmaster a Mr Jonathan King wanted to suck my woggle.

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Have you ever swang a cat around a small room just to see if it would touch the walls? Only after I have shagged it.

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When you were a kid what was the most serious injury you had? I was eaten by a shark when I was eight.

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What is a well established idea that you still cannot grasp? Algebra.

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What is your pixie name? Take the first 2 letters from your first name, the first 2 letters of your middle name, and the LAST 2 letters of your first name :) Horny Goatsucker.

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Your current significant other tells you that they dated one of your parents long before they ever met you,what do you do? Get pappy to come round & have a threesome.

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If i pointed a lazer beam gun at the moon and it bounced back and shot my nuts off before i pulled the trigger would i cry before my kids was born? Why don`t you just have a wank instead?

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Would you sit down and have dinner with this man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DStwXsmZ3OE Watching that, gave me wood!

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I'd like to teach the world to _______? Fist

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Ullo John. Got A new motor? Yes, but it`s currently sorn.

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What rock song would be funniest sung by an all singing all dancing choir of nuns? Bodies - By the Sex Pistols

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Have you ever touched a buffalo? Frequently, until the Police took me away.

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What's the least expensive thing within view of you now? An empty packet of crisps.

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Are you boring? Take the quiz.... I`m one hot funny bitch & the quizmaster wanted to marry me, better not tell the wife.

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What was the last thing that brought a tear to your eye? A kick in the bollocks

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What does a transvestite do at Christmas? Hang up their stockings?

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What is on thing you are grateful for today? Beer

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I suffer from arse grapes is there a good remedy for this quagmire? try turning them into wine.

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An ex-Time Lord from Gallifrey advertising furniture for the elderly. Any other tear-jerking comedowns in the TV ad world? Tom Baker, would advertise any old crap. The hoary old tart.

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What was the name of that guy who wrote stories about people in New England who were really sea monsters? It was H.P Saucecraft.

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Am I alone in thinking that those weird panties Wonder Woman wears make her look as if she's suffering from flatulence? I always thought those panties were especially designed to hide her `Hanging bacon`.

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What's the 1st monster that comes to mind? The mother in law.

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What's your favorite thing to put on a cracker? Sandra Bullocks naked arse.

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Shut the ________ up? I'm trying to__________? Poodle---------Wank off a Tramp.

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Had a wank lately Yes, but only when I read your questions.

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What's the one kitchen tool you'd be lost without? The wife.

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Is it possible to stretch human skin over a 2 man tent frame with out ripping it? Can I try it with Simon Cowell?

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Have you ever wacked one off the wrist while thinking about what you are going to have for dinner Only when it`s `Toad in the hole`

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First thing that comes to mind if I say blots Blott on the Landscape, the Tom Sharpe book.

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Can you describe your significant other in one word? naggy

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If we are all God's children, what was so special about Jesus? He was hung like King Kong.

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Have you ever choked a chicken Only when I read your questions.

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What is your favourite Louis Armstrong song? poppin a cap in dem bitches from da hood. (number 1 august 1959)

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Give one good reason why you should be considered for promotion? I`m a lesbian black woman with aids

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Is it sick to ask a mortician to make a casting of your dear departed hubby's Johnson? No, it would be sick to ask your mortician to make soup from your dear departed hubby`s penis.

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Are there any lady boy`s out there if so do you get off on your self while looking in the mirror and can you make your self pregnant? Do my moobs make me count as a ladyboy?

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Can you please downrate my question so I can go off and moan in another question about how my previous question got downrated because I take this crap more seriously than my mother's funeral? Kaythx. No, just you have a nice cup of tea dear. Perhaps a chocolate chip cookie as well.

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Top 5 things you want him/her to say to you: Here is all my money Take me anally I shall cook & clean for you You do not have to wash your naughty bits before we get intimate Fart whenever you like, I don`t mind.

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Is it gross that food industry uses smashed and boiled bugs (cochineal insect) in almost every strawberry-flavor food (cakes, icecreams, cookies, milkshake, etc)? Yes, but it`s cheap. And to them that`s all that matters.

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If you were in Miss World & they asked what you wish for. What would you say to give yourself a chance of winning? Lots of cock

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Hi all, I joined to AB today. What should I do now? Sacrifice David Duchovny to Lucifer.

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Have you ever played soggy buiscket It`s a bit salty for my taste.

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My dad can beat your dad up . do you want to bet on it? He probably could, my old dad is 76 with angina. But he is a dirty old bugger and would probably have a concealed knife.

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One of my legs is longer than the other .how can i run in a straight line as i am in a egg and spoon race tomorrow? Get a motorbike & fly past those fuckers

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Do the clangers know about seti and is the soup dragon a draconian sub terainian lizard Why do none of the Clangers have a cock?

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What's the best way to put off / distract Tiger Woods from a slam winning putt? Hold a Klan meeting?

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What's something you would see in a lift / elevator that would make you use the stairs? A naked man, with a knife and a hard-on.

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Why do Jehovas Witnesses always hunt in packs? It`s usually a woman & small child that hunt round here. But if they go near the paedo at number 38, they shall become the hunted.

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Which music stars would you happily put through an industrial sized blender? All of the Stock Aitken & Waterman puppets, X factor & pop idol types as well as the judges.

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Is Barbie in a burka a good idea? Nah, now Barbie Bukkake. That`s a bad idea.

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Who would be the most useless James Bond? Joey Deacon

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Want to fight? Only if I can shag you after wards.

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What is the strangest thing you have used to wipe your bum after you realized you had no toilet paper? The cat.

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What is you favorite tv show famliy guy or south park Family Guy used to be better, but it seems to be running out of ideas & steam now. Whereas South Park has improved over the years and has just got smarter & funnier.

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Who was your favorite police officer from a TV show? Reegan - The Sweeney for me as well. I has the full DVD boxset & it is sublime.

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Could you really be comfortable in a bedroom like this? Looks rather cold and empty, those drapes just look so out of place. The carpet does not go with anything either.

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Why do you think there is so much deep-seated anger in so many people? Frustration, sexual or financial.

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Why do so many people not give points for questions they answer? Because they smell.

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If there were no wall in front of you right now, what would you see? Freedom, from this high security establishment.

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I live in an Isolated part of the Scottish highlands, even although there are no other people around for miles. Should I allow my girlfriend to go out dressed so provocatively? (see link) Try this link instead http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n138/krwada/animals/barnyard%20antics/sexy_sheep.jpg

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What prominent figure creeps you out the most? Peter Mandelson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmg5BMIED_g&feature=related

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What year were you born? Is there anything special about the year? 1969 - First man on the moon

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Favorite Sean Connery film? The Offense. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070468/

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Blonde, brunette, redhead, or bald? Cute auburn or redhead.

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Does Sarah Palins physical looks ever remind you of Brooke Shields? A wee bit, she seems (to me at least) a bit Brooke Shields with a dash of Sally Fields.

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What the hardest school subject to you? Algebra, makes no sense at all to me.

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Do you remember a name of a candy that was out when you were a child that isn't made anymore? Texan bar & Montego biscuit

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When was the last time you watched Laurel & Hardy? Legends!! (2009-11-19) It`s been a while, but the films never lose their charm.

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Do you have sexual fantasies about people from a different race than yourself? Other than the human race? Well I once saw a very cute Rough Collie.....

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I have I have my fathers hairline, but my mothers brothers are balding (my uncles), will I be going bald or just take up after my dad? My family is the other way around, my dad is bald but my mothers male relations all kept their hair. My brother and I are both in our forties and we still have our own hair.

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Guys, how big is your dick... REALLY? 7 and a half inches.

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Sarah Palin, would you? If I was single, I would.

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If someone jumps the queue your in. Do you speak up or leave it to someone else? Well, I like to tut loudly & glare.

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Are women the root cause of all temptation? Nah, Just Sandra Bullock.

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I am convinced that Islam is an evil cult religion created in the late 7th century by a self-proclaimed narcissistic prophet called Muhammad...can someone factually explain me wrong? Someone with a big bomb strapped to their back, might try and prove you wrong.

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Is abortion, homosexuality, pornography, alternate lifestyles and Democrates the work of The Devil? No, Whoever invented porn deserves a medal.

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The pope is here visiting me ... is there anything you would like to say to him? Are you a Nazi?

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In your opinion which is the loveliest musical instrument? The triangle.

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How can you tell when a guy/girl is flirting with you? Lots of males have flirting autism, I count myself as one. The current Mrs Neilychops had to fling her underwear at me before I got the hint.

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What's something that anyone that "knows you" would never expect you to do? Ask a sensible question on this wonderful site.

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How many Jelly Belly beans can you stuff in your belly button? I think this is the greatest question ever in the history of this site. Hmm I shall say 6.

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What are some fun (FREE) things that i can do with a guy friend? Get drunk & sing loudly in a karaoke bar, tell people you barely know. how much you love them.(whilst still drunk)

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If you could indecently expose yourself to any great historical figure, who would you choose? Marie Antoinette, let her eat snake.

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If you had to be magically transported back to the last century and reincarnated as an act in a travelling carnival freak show, what would you prefer to be? (2009-11-13) Eddie Waring.

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What was your first car? 1989 Ford Fiesta, bought for £600. Then sold for £900 6 months later.

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If you could add one law to your country's laws what would it be? More cheap beer

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What did you enjoy as a child that no longer exists? Michael jackson

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Which color should i get for my new ipod nano 5th gen? Spleen

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What is pangaea? it`s a really really big frying pan.

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Guys, in you're mind, what defines a pretty girl? Bubbly, friendly, nice smile & with some (or all) red in her hair.

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If you're a guy and gave a guy the usual guy hug, just a little upper-chest contact, two back pats, and release... but he wouldn't let go and kept hugging you and thumping your back, for minutes on end, what would you do? Fart, if that didn't work bite his nose. Then drop my trousers and defecate on his expensive Italian shoes.

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If you had wings, what would you do? Piss on Tony Blair

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Whilst model making i appear to have superglued my flies shut and am now desperate to go to the toilet! these are an expensive designer label jeans, Help what am i to do? Cut a hole in the pocket & piss out the hole

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What unit of measurement / or how much is a "bawhair" My joiner friend keeps refering to it whilst working? A bawhair is one eighth of a minge-flap.

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What song(s) do you most associate with your teenage years? Anything by Madness, Japan, Duran Duran. well eighties stuff really.

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Do you think theres is some people who shouldnt be on answerbag as they take the question the wrong way. Don`t think anyone should be barred from Answerbag at all. But some people are overly sensitive & take joke/silly questions the wrong way.

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What is a coconut dug or dog? Have you ever seen the cocconut dug?

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Where in the world have you been furthest from home? Beijing.

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Most American women are_________? Nice, my other half is from California .

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Let's pretend your mega famous!! Which screen villain would be your agent? Dick Dastardly would be feckin great as an agent, with muttley as his secretary.

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Who knows anyone on AB personally? I mean friends, neighbours workmates. I know `Tankengine` from way back.

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I caught you knocking at my cellar door. I love you baby, can I have some more? You can`t beat a bit of Neil Young can you.

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Rest in Peace Edward Woodward, who passed away today (16 Nov) :'-( Do you remember him? I just remember him in the great thriller series `Callan` along with the late great Russel Hunter.

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Ladies...would you like bigger breasts or a nicer looking ass? I want a bigger clit, slapped in my face.

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What was your most embarrassing moment with a boyfriend/girlfriend? She caught me shagging her grandpa.

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Are you younger or older than you look? Younger, no bugger believes I`m 40. Although my I.Q is.

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The greatest movie cowboy Eastwood or Wayne? Big Clint, hands down. `High Plains Drifter` top class.

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Girls, you know that we're looking at your cleavage when you're talking to us hot blooded males right? So how does that make you feel when you notice a stranger ogling them? It`s really odd when you see a guy ogling your moobs.

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Describe your day in one sentence using rhyme? Went to a mountainous haven & saw a flying Raven.

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What's your favourite Michael Caine movie? Get Carter, fuckin brill.

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Do you think Lady Gaga is attractive? She has a nice body, but an unappealing nose. She also seems a bit pretentious and aloof.

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What's the most valuable thing that you have found in a dumpster? A drunken David Hasselhoff.

| 1 person likes this

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What would you do if you had serios concearns for a friends mental health? I have bigger concerns for your spelling.

| 2 people like this

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Does your postman come in his van or on foot, Does he / she carry a large load? I prefer to come on your face.

| 1 person likes this

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If Jonn Lennon were still alive. What would be in his music collection today? Guns`n`Roses...*snicker*

| 1 person likes this

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What is the best thing for piles as the cream i have got burns my throat? The black & decker ultra sander 4000.

| 1 person likes this

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Lets pretend you have a teenage daughter - how would you describe a teen-age boy - you would be happy to see her date? A boy in a coma.

| 5 people like this

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Can you name something that will never change? Woody Allen`s underwear.

| 2 people like this

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The head of my cock got crushed where do i get another cock from as i do not live any ware near a chicken farm Have you tried advertising on `bigboysloveit.com` you will get more cock than you can handle.

| 1 person likes this

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Why do adults think its wrong for teenagers to have sex? Jealousy

| 2 people like this

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How would you describe your youth in three words? Beer loving idiot

| 1 person likes this

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If you could live in another country six months out of the year, where would it be? Narnia or Pornoland

| 1 person likes this

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I am much more intelligent than you prove me wrong? I did not marry your wife.

| 4 people like this

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Do you like to be the first or do you prefer sloppy second`s Well, I would not want to stir anyone else`s porridge.

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This is my wife what do you think<embed id=VideoPlayback src=http://video.google.co.uk/googleplayer.swf?docid=8615190894136704670&hl=en&fs=true style=width:400px;height:326px allowFullScreen=true allowScriptAccess=always type=application/x-shockwave-flash Damn, it does not work. I was really looking forward to seeing your missus in all her obese glory.

| 1 person likes this

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Whats the most expensive thing you've ever lost? The love of a beautiful woman.

| 1 person likes this

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Has any body ever given you more than one pearl necklace People are strange, I have often offered to give many a young lady some Pearls. But all have declined.

| 1 person likes this

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What would be a bad name, for a cruise ship? Queen of Dysentery.

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Would you swim with 25 harmless hammer head sharks and 2 harmful great white sharks I love sharks, but no I would not. I would however shove Tony Blair in the water, to play with the Great whites.

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Do you like soup beans and cornbread? I`ll have some of that, cornbread is hard to get over here.

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Have you bought Tamiflu (Swine flu antidote) online, as a precaution? The missus has flu, but we don`t know if it`s swine flu or not. As the health service will not test you unless you have underlying health problems. But back to your question, are you sure the antidote is available to buy?

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Are you lover of foie gras? Never had it, never will. Cruel & unnecessary.

| 2 people like this

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Do animals have religions? My cat has invented a new religion, it involves doing nothing but occasionally licking your own arse & sleeping.

| 1 person likes this

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What was the last thing that made you feel triumphant? A big wank

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How intelligent do you think you are? why? I like pretty ladies & my own farts.

| 2 people like this

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What causes an odor in a mans semen? Anal sex

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Predator or alien Alien every time.

| 4 people like this

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What do you think Mona Lisa was doing right before posing for her portrait (considering her smile)? The popular belief amongst art enthusiasts, is that she had just been fisted by Gary Coleman of `Different Strokes` fame.

| 2 people like this

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How hard is Harry Potter in Your opinion? I suppose it depends on the porn he is reading.

| 2 people like this

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What are you very strict about? My S&M dungeon.

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Besides murder, what is the worst crime someone could commit? Sharting on their national flag

| 1 person likes this

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I`m an 18 yr old Danish underwear model, but I can`t find a man. I only find overweight socially awkward nerdy virgin men attractive, can I find true love here on answerbag? Just been rated -5, watch out overweight sensitive virgins about.

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Does the postie really always ring twice? mine just punts the mail through the letterbox and legs it...when they work! He also puts bogeys on your letters

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Who's the sexiest Bond girl? Caroline Munro or Madeline Smith or Diana Rigg, grrr grrr & treble grrr.

| 2 people like this

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If you had a tank & the balls to use it. Which building would you destroy? Jamie Oliver`s house then Buckinham palace. Then a wee trip to loyd Grossmans place.

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If there is a God. What's the first thing you say to him or her when your time comes? Shave that beard off, you look like a pedo!

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My penis it tune to red like burning on skin under a haed when l have sex i feel like it burning if i have to go to work all day and i come home it have a white stuff all around my head so i try to buy a medication from a couter but it did't work You hold down a job with that grammar & spelling?

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Im 17 and have a 9 inch penis. Small? yes, I`m 9 and have a 17 inch penis.

| 2 people like this

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Can the penis queef? Maybe if you took a siphon & forced lots of air inside the pee hole or to use the more medically accurate term `Japs eye`. Then the penis would toot out the trapped air.

| 3 people like this

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Have you ever met someone who doesn't listen to any music whatsoever? Helen Keller, we were lesbian lovers for a while.

| 1 person likes this

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You are a postman with a letter you think is a giro for the waster on the top floor of a block of flats do you ..post it again cos he can wait, use the stairs and do your job, give it to the nearest kid to deliver..or what? Come on it, then give it to the bent copper. So he can suck the hot man juice from it.

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HOW CAN i BE FREE OF MOYOPIA AND NOT USE GLASSES? Get yourself some laser eye treatment.

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Fill-in: I would really like some______right now. Clean underwear

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Does Rod Stewart make you want to invest in automatic weaponry? If you shoot him, can I get his ex wives?

| 1 person likes this

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Whats worse than a cardboard box? A shitey shoebox

| 1 person likes this

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When you think of someone caring - who comes to mind? My old mum, she will be 77 on her next birthday. And she has recently stopped smoking. I`m one proud neilychops,

| 5 people like this

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If love is blind then why can i see her? You have not been masturbating, long enough.

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Is Spam Valley an area of industrial meat production? No, but I always thought it was part of the sex industry. Due to the high percentage of Twats & dicks nearby.

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What is a johari window? Some Psychological bullshit perchance?

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Does anyone have a recipe for fried chicken? Have you tried Chicken a la George?

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Daddy or chips? Daddy`s cock

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What's something you disliked that grew on you eventually? Herpes.

| 1 person likes this

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Was it true, as was rumoured. That Errol Flynn was hung like a pony? Yes, sadly it was my little pony. There was very little there & what there was was plastic.

| 1 person likes this

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I want to cuddle a Whale, but the man won`t let me. What are we gonna do about it? There must be some Japanese Whalers about, someone gave me -4

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When was the last time you sat on Santa's lap and told him what you wanted for Christmas? Last night, Mr Santa is a regular at the club where I work..`loopalooza lap gurls emporium`

| 1 person likes this

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Who is alive that you thought was dead? Bamber Gascoigne

| 1 person likes this

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Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple? I would go with Sherlock Holmes, but I would be thinking of Miss marple.

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What are you most passionate about? The lovely biodiversity of my land.

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If fate dictated you were to be involved in a road accident which vehicle would you choose to be in... I hear the old VW Beetle stands up well Vs a tree I have done a lot of thinking, and it seems to me that you have a lot on me. But I have very little on you, which brings me to the unequivocal truth. That I`m a mad arsehole with a few screws loose, and you are a well balanced family man. Who holds down a responsible job, but is slightly racist.

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If You were having a telephone conversation with someone and you became aware they were in the toilet at the time would you hang up or continue "listening" Did you `touch` yourself when you heard me pee?

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What is the best natured breed of dog? Spaniels, those ears make handy love handles.

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Life is full of__________? Zombie spunk

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You have just received an brief email through Facebook from an excitable person you barely remember from years ago. What does it say? I`m pregnant with your Aids baby.

| 1 person likes this

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Is setting fire to a chest freezer then sitting around to enjoy it warming glow bad for your health. It does give you moobs.

| 1 person likes this

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Is Clint Eastwoods' CV currently the best in Hollywood? No, but his Honda CR-V has the most Orangutan crap in it.

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How many fans of Doctor Who do we have here? Also, who is your favourite Doctor and why? Tom Baker, for me. But I think the producer of Tom`s early years (Philip Hinchcliffe) should take a lot of credit. He made the show scarier & more adult.

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When did Tom Baker finish his stint as Dr. Who? 1980, I think. He was my doctor, big teeth big hair big heart.

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What would be a good practical use for mud? Budget chocolate

| 3 people like this

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What is your favorite Clint Eastwood movie? (That he's acted in and/or directed.) That`s tough, very fond of `High plains drifter`. But can`t remember one single line of dialogue. I could look one up, but I can`t be arsed.

| 4 people like this

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I always keep my ___________ under the covers. What may that be? Sheep & farts

| 2 people like this

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When I say "frosty", what do you think of first? One of the grunts from the movie `Aliens`

| 3 people like this

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Do you feel repulsed when you see two men kissing? Question to straight guys. Not that bothered, but it would help if it was seen more often in the media. Then it may not have such an adverse reaction.

| 4 people like this

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What do I have to do to prove to you that I am a good person? Don`t kill anybody.

| 2 people like this

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Whats the best egg..Quail, Hen, Duck. ....? Quails, they are the best to throw at people from Redbrae avenue. Who are now Teuchters.

| 1 person likes this

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Can anyone quote the entire lyrics to the Top Cat cartoon theme tune? There's a line in there about half way through that I've never been able to make out? I think the bit you are on about was deliberately muffled, as it alluded to `fisting` officer Dibble.

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If on an education field trip with friends and other adults and one of your parents or gaurdian made an inappropriate comment about one of the displays.Would you blush run and hide. deny they were with you or forever bask in glory of how cool they were Well Toss, you know the answer to this one. My dear old dad, legend of that long ago trip to Edinburgh`s Chamber st.

| 1 person likes this

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Are there any horror movies that are actually scary? Well my top 2 would be 1) The Audition - just terrifying & hard to watch 2) The Haunting - the 1960 version It`s what you don`t see that scares you.

| 1 person likes this

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If We swapped Clothes right NOW what would i be Wearing? A gorilla suit

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There is this pretty poular girl and she has no idea i am alive, how do i get her to notice me? Don`t bother, she`s probably a bitch. Find a nice girl who does notice you.

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What can keep you pleasantly occupied for hours? A good book, but not THE good book.

| 1 person likes this

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If a school teacher emptied your school bag and placed it over your head would you, report them to the police or education authority. Tell your parents, or continue the rest of the lesson from inside the school bag? You are beginning to get on my tits.

| 1 person likes this

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What's the one question on AB you would never answer above all others? I have some kids locked in the cellar, do you want to come round and fiddle with them.

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Was little house on the praire the most cheesy tv series ever? If not what was? `Old man Steptoes knob`, would possibly be the cheesiest t.v show ever.

| 2 people like this

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Who was your favorite character in the childrens TV programme "Rainbow" . Mine was "Zippy". Well I hated `Rainbow` with a vengeance, I still yearn to punch Bungle. Now `Pipkins` there was a kids t.v show. With the Sublime Hartley Hare.

| 1 person likes this

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Does anyone else think Perez Hilton is the most annoying person on this planet? I think Hulk Hogan`s daughter is slightly worse & even more of a vacuum head.

| 1 person likes this

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What is your favorite "loaded" question? Do you think my best friend is pretty?

| 1 person likes this

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Do you recall the character "Mason Boyne" and was Snoopy really the pope? Hmmmm, Still trying to figure out who you are. If you are who I think you are, you would be far too young to remember `Mason Boyne. Give us a clue?`

| 1 person likes this

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AB user, Major Tom, lost his wife Megan to an accident involving a bus, just 8 hours ago. Would you join me in expressing our condolences to him on the loss of his life partner just when he was planning his retirement with her in 2 years time? My sincere condolences on your loss.

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Thanks everybody for your wonderful comments. I am back for awhile. But my troll problems I realize are so minor compared to what happened to our dear friend Major Tom! My heart weeps for you my friend! I`m intrigued, what happened to Major Tom?

| 2 people like this

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What sends a shudder down your spine Attaching live electrodes to my testicles.

| 2 people like this

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What side is your bread buttered top bottom or both I get the feeling you have been penalty boxed, welcome to the brotherhood.

| 1 person likes this

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What's one thing that ALWAYS tastes good to you? Beer!

| 1 person likes this

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What Accent Melts Your Heart? A nice soft Irish one.

| 1 person likes this

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Have you ever tried to run over an animal on purpose? No way, but sadly sometimes it`s unavoidable.

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If you sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- do you pray on Sunday for crop failure? You could always arrange for an early harvest, before the crop is ripe.

| 2 people like this

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Does sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly? Sex does not, but people do.

| 2 people like this

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The King asked The Queen,and The Queen asked the Dairymaid: what? Fancy a threesome?

| 1 person likes this

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Where do most of the holes in your socks occur? My big toe talons could cut through sheet metal, so it`s always on the toes.

| 1 person likes this

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As sweet as ________________? Mrs Neilychops & munchkin

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Why do women insist on asking men what they're thinking? Because they never shut up.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you respect God's authoritah? No, the universe is ruled by chance & indifference.

| 4 people like this

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Have you ever been caught with your penis in the cookie jar? Nope, but I have raped a Coffee peculator.

| 1 person likes this

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What is it like to be truly American? Better ask the Native Americans that one.

| 3 people like this

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What's Elton John's birth name? Baldy tit

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If you are a gay female what is the best way to spot and introduce yourself to other lesbians outside of a gay bar? My gaydar is broke or something, I hate hitting on straight wemon cuz its embarrassing. Why not try online dating?

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As thin as a_____________________? Karen carpenter

| 1 person likes this

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Do you want to more about Islam? Nope, I think all religion is a waste of time. It`s just another way to control people.

| 2 people like this

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Guys: Would you trade in all your answerbag points for a hand job off a good looking woman? Do I get to fist her arse afterwards?

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Grab the book nearest to you and place your penis between page 120 and 121. Close the book and bring yourself off. What were you thinking of? `Teabagging` William Shakespeare

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Legal Highs...What is the best? A big wank

| 4 people like this

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I love my ______ than me! Zombie wife

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Whats with all the vampires? Yes, Let`s have something different like Zombie Sharks that can walk on land.

| 1 person likes this

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Guess who got a A on her second Economics Test?(Hurry up and guess before this question is rated nonsense:) Meg from family guy?

| 1 person likes this

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Today in the UK a man named Steve Wright was found guilty of multiple murder. He has been found out to be an evil disgusting serial killer. But would you have found the verdict slightly more satisfying if his name had been Noel Edmonds? No, spittle faced simpleton Jamie Oliver. Should be stitched up like a kipper for various heinous crimes. Then executed in an entertaining & humorous way.

| 3 people like this

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Is there anything intrinsically wrong with necrophilia? The only thing wrong with it, is having to empty the corpse when it gets full.

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I am 15 and i use my dads electric razor to save my penis and then i walk into his room and steel some of hus briefs to masturbate in, i also go in his room when he is changing to see him naked then i take his dirty briefs and sniff and eat them. Normal? It is a little bit strange, you could improve things by taking a crap in his open mouth.

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What is the biological name of blue whale? One big fucker

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What is the best way to put a beached whale out of its misery? Phone the Japs.

| 1 person likes this

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True or false? You are married or have a partner? That`s twue!

| 1 person likes this

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I farted and now there's a hole in my underwear. What should I do to prevent this from happening again? Crap yourself, thus insulating the underwear. From any fart based damage.

| 1 person likes this

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Come the revolution. Who goes before your firing squad? All royalty, Jamie Oliver 98% of Westminster & the House of lords. Fat cat bankers, Adam Crozier, Pedophiles, teenage vandals & hooligans & many more.

| 1 person likes this

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Why are postmen always so miserable? Because they cannot strangle naughty boys to death

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What's something a lawyer shouldn't ask a witness in Court? Would you like me to shoot you in the face?

| 2 people like this

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What am i thinking? Doggy porn!

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I'm a 6'1.5" girl with nice legs. Who wants me? ;) I will take you, my cats stuck up the tree again.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Where can I buy queen ants? Ask your local zoo, they must feed them to the Anteaters.

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Would you kick your 17 year old daughter out if you found out she was pregnant Only if I was the father.

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In five words or less, how would you like to be remembered? Completely innocent of all charges.

| 2 people like this

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What is your favorite line in a movie? Get away from her you bitch! - Aliens

| 1 person likes this

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What is one thing you would never want to find in your kitchen? A ton of shite.

| 3 people like this

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I'm trying to think of a nickname for one of my best guy friends but I can't think of anything. His name is Ben. Any ideas? Try Ben-Dover. With all it`s amusing gay connotations.

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What shouldn't a police officer do while making an arrest? Sell you drugs

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What's a good name for a black bunny rabbit? Its a girl. Kizzy

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Give me a reason why Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon. Perhaps so a non entity like himself could achieve a level of fame he would never otherwise reach.

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How will you describe "Michael Jackson" in one word? Creepy

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If you had a monkey would you spank if so how hard or would you get someone else to do the dirty dead and would you appreciate it after I would get Cheryl Cole to spank my monkey & Dame Judi Dench to suck up the spillage.

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If i stick a rocket up my cats anus would my dog chase it or get worried that it would be next or shall i do it to the both of them to see who goes faster bets please Why not stick the cat up the dogs arse, then light the cats arse that is hanging out of the dogs arse. Thus saving you on fireworks.

| 1 person likes this

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I`ve got a dirty greasy nob what should i polish it with or should i get some one else to do it as it looks hard I use a fwuffy kitten to buff mine to a sparkly shine.

| 2 people like this

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I invited my family round for dinner what do you think i should cook them for dinner before we have anal sex for afters Toad in the hole.

| 1 person likes this

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When you are talking to your church minister after church do you find yourself ejaculating on his trouser leg I prefer shooting on his face or his invalid mother`s wheelchair.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you bat for the other side No one gets this, i find it sad :(

| 1 person likes this

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I cultivated my wifes snatch last night with a scythe what is your method I use wild goats to keep her lady lawn trim.

| 1 person likes this

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My kitten is about 4 months old and he uses the litter box, but he also goes #2 in the shower. Any suggestions on how to stop this? No Idea, But Tiberius(my cat) takes a pee occasionally in the bathtub.

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Does the man still need to pay alimony if the wife is a millionaire and the husband is penniless? I wouldn't be surprised.

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Name one thing you would usually find in a Fire Station! Firemen watching porn

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What are the initials of your first love? SS (no she was not a Nazi)

| 1 person likes this

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Rabbit for dinner. Is that ok with you? hmmmmm BBQ Bunny yum

| 2 people like this

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My gay dog keeps shagging other gay dogs while my family are eating dinner should i join in? Now that`s what I call `Doggy style!`

| 1 person likes this

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Does my fat wife look like a horse or a swamp donkey and if she was in a race would you put a bet on her come place your bets A Swamp Donkey???? that`s hilarious.

| 1 person likes this

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Does anal sex go down well at your church function`s Only with the over 90`s

| 1 person likes this

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Does it hurt to still kitchen utensals up your anal passage and what would be the best sort as i`m having guests around for dinner tonight Have you tried shoving a boiling kettle up your arse? It`s bliss & it also gives your colon a steam clean.

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What is the easiest way to clean a skull, (still full of meat/brains). NO maggots handy... Boil it, then you also have a lovely stock for soup.

| 3 people like this

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My dog keeps licking my balls not a question just bragging Has your dog just been licking it`s own arse? It may be trying to take away the arse taste from it`s mouth.

| 2 people like this

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What would be the funniest category for Top Trumps? Evil Dictators, Porn Stars, Serial Killers.

| 1 person likes this

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Marry, bang or kill — Oprah, Dolly Parton, Betty White? Marry - none Kill - none, but I would bang all of them.

| 1 person likes this

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Which French king raced up and down the Louvre in a little carriage drawn by two mastiffs? Louie the 14th, Wasn't he the one who was guillotined?

| 1 person likes this

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What is the opposite of "paedophile"? A granny grabber.

| 2 people like this

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I am very attracted to myself i can not stop thinking about my self i think i`m smashing better than any body on this planet what do you think about me being smashing super great i`m fantastic i love me do you love me i do i`m super and great the best xx You are so super, i may have to rape you & bury you in a shallow woodland grave.

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Besides a horse. What animal have you rode? Sexy sheep & horny horses.

| 2 people like this

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What enternainment shoud`nt you get for a kids birthday party A salt water crocodile

| 1 person likes this

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Underwear or go commando? The wife`s tights, when it starts getting colder.

| 1 person likes this

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My wife works 22 hrs a day on 3 jobs then comes home to cook my dinner while i sit at home all day trying to busy myself she said she wanted to cut down her work hrs because she is tired and needs sleep do you think she is lazy Have you considered joining one of those mad religions that allow you to have lots of wives? Imagine the possibilities, three wives working nine jobs. Nine different pay checks for you to spend.

| 1 person likes this

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My wife has got big feet and can`t reach the sink should i sack her and get one that can reach the sink Have you tried cutting her toes off?

| 2 people like this

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If i shaved the skin off my forhead would you eat it Only if you pissed on it first.

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Whats the best exercise for my fat wife Tie some cakes to a Greyhound.

| 1 person likes this

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Would you like to paint a picture of my fat wife Don`t think I have a big enough canvas.

| 1 person likes this

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What's something that was once quite commonly seen, but that you rarely, if ever, see anymore? Virgins & Chimney sweeps.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What year was it when you were 18? 1987, I was 40 this year.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Which first name is so common that you know at least 5 people with the same name? Andrew Ian David Douglas William/Bill/Wullie/Billy Robert/Bob/Rab/Bobby

| 4 people like this

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How long can you hold in a crap before you start to get sick? Never got to the stage of feeling sick, usually it tries to force it`s own way out.

| 1 person likes this

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What was the last british football team to win the league title with all british players Dunno, but I would guess. One of the great Liverpool sides of the late 70`s early eighties.

| 2 people like this

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What place makes you smile? Alyth, a lovely peaceful village. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alyth

| 2 people like this

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What is one thing (if anything) you don't want to take off during sex. My glass eye.

| 3 people like this

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Don't you just hate_____________________? Whaling.

| 1 person likes this

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If you owned a bar.... What would you name it? Over 25`s only.

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Proposals: Should They Be Public or Private? Private & romantic.

| 1 person likes this

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You drive to Walmart or any store and as you pull up in the parking lot you see people come running out of the building screaming,what do you do? Look for signs of fire or listen for gunshots.

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Every dog has_____(Fill the blank). The urge to sniff crotch.

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If a black person wants to kill you in the street for your Air Jordan shoes are you racist to fight back? They why do people believe Americans "racist" for wanting to fight back against the Muslims? You are a nutter.

| 5 people like this

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Women still expect men to have chivalry, what should men still expect from women? Pregnancy & nagging, with a side order of empathy & cuddles.

| 1 person likes this

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How come 13-14 year old girls look like they are 16-18 even 20 these days? Is it wishful thinking on your part? You naughty man!

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How come Jews aren't allowed to eat pig meat but Christians can? Is there somewhere in the new testament where Jesus says "It's okay to eat pigs now"? Dunno, but can a pig eat a Jewish person?

| 1 person likes this

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I want to cuddle an Arctic Fox, who is with me? Who the f*ck gave me -2 on this? I love Arctic foxes, in a non sexual way.

| 2 people like this

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What is something you should not use as lube for sexual activities? Used Embalming fluid.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What was your response the last time someone said I love you? A kiss, and a wee bum fondle.

| 2 people like this

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Do feminists envision a future where the world is a matriarchy run by a Grace Jones or Serena Williams type, and men are kept chained up as reproductive slaves? Kinky submissive men, would love that shit.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What exactly is a "manly" man? Richard Simmons as butch as john Wayne`s Jockstrap.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What are ssome easy hairstyles for a 14 year old girl A skinhead, would be very easy.

Answer to:
What is the opposite of tourettes A smart politician.

| 4 people like this

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Have you ever been across the sea to skye? Got as far as The Kyle of Lochalsh, which was the ferry point then. But we could not afford the ferry across. As we had drunk and smoked most of our cash, So the answer is nearly but no. Due to our stupidity.

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Answer to:
Who won what this weekend? Dracula beat King Kong at chess, if that`s any use to you.

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Ok im 20 years old is it wrong that im really attracted to older women like say 25-35? Sorry but most Older women, don`t look at younger guys. A few do, but they are in the minority. But there is nothing wrong with you having that attraction. Good luck on your Milf hunt.

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Are you always nice to everyone you meet? Nope, I`m a moody bastard.

| 2 people like this

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What are some cute outfit ideas for a teen girl? From a fathers perspective...A suit of Armour?

| 1 person likes this

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First thing that comes to mind: "purple and soft"? Barney the Dinosaurs ball sac.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What was the name of the instrumental piece that played after Obama's speech on Election Night? I`m pretty certain, it was The Benny Hill show theme tune.

Answer to:
What do we learn in school that is usseless in our everyday lives? Religious education & latin

Answer to:
What does the pope do for fun? I sincerely hope, he does not do what a good deal of his Priest do for `fun`.

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What does the pope do for fun? Snowboarding.

| 1 person likes this

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Who is the most the most annoying person on AB? Does anyone else have a vague feeling of disappointment, that they are not named in this thread.

| 3 people like this

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Is incest still a great taboo, or is it a game the whole family can enjoy? Woo-hoo -23. C`mon you can do better than that you self righteous baboon fondlers.

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What is one of your GOOD habits? Being nice to my old mum.....(awwww)

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Answer to:
What famous people came from where you live? Sean Connery, Ewan McGregor, Gerrad Butler, Dougray Scott, Craig Ferguson & quite a few more.

| 1 person likes this

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What will happen if the whole world becomes muslum? No more answerbag.... :(

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How do u make an older guy like you? Give him some Werther's Originals.

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Any vagitarians? I know i am!! I love the tase of Quim Quorn.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can anyone give me a really good idea? Never ever, slap a Lion in the face with your balls.

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Answer to:
Why is demureness in women not appreciated anymore? Because everyone loves a slut.

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Tell me some amazing fact that you can make up that is not true but can convince me it was You should ask a Priest/Minister/Rabbi etc that question.

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Answer to:
Who is rafa benitez predecessor at liverpool? Stan Boardman

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Is it gross to think about havin anal sex with your grandfather when ur jackin off? I can`t climax unless I do

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Who would gimme head? i gotta raging 8 n a half incha!! My Alsatian would, just smear it with peanut butter first.

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What is a soul? Someone define this for me because I am confused.I was thinking ability to feel emotion, unfortunately, my theory was ruined when i realised that people who 'sell their souls to the devil' & hence are soulLESS generally feel crap about it. In a word....David

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Answer to:
What race was jesus? Hippie tree hugger

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What can a woman do to make a guy feel warm and fuzzy? Keep quiet.

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God is Grate. Hmmm Grate you say.... 1. To reduce to fragments, shreds, or powder by rubbing against an abrasive surface. 2. To cause to make a harsh grinding or rasping sound through friction: grated her teeth in anger. 3. To irritate or annoy persistently. 4. Archaic To rub or wear away.

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Answer to:
How many years to your 50th birthday? Nine Years eleven months and two weeks.

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Yikes! Would you go into the water with this around? Here is the link http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/pets-animals/stories/monster-shark-lurking-off-australia-coast-terrifies-locals

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Besides cabbage, what is a good food or drink to serve with corned beef? Fries and baked beans

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Answer to:
We will never __________________, and we will _____________on top of all that!? Have sex----Never make out

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As angry as a__________________? innocent man on death row

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Answer to:
I should like to give Noel Edmonds a _________? Acid enema

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Guys how full are your bags right now? Mine's about to burst i think it will empty soon! Mine emptied all over my cats face

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So the little brats have just knocked on my door for the umpteenth time tonite. The next one that calls i will __________________? Show them where I hid Madeleine mccann.

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Hi I'm a 33 year old guy and I'm waiting until marriage to make love because I belive this is the nicest gift to give to my wife on the wedding day. Would you women date a virgin? Only if you were hung like a baboon

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Would you buy BBQ-flavored lube? Only if I intend to hump & then cook a chicken

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something you can't stop staring at even though you know you shouldn't be? Funeral processions

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Did Andre Agassi used to wear wigs early in his tennis career? He did seem to go bald very very quickly, you may be right.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
A true lady _______ her man. Fill the blank. Poisons

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If your In love with south park please respond? Marvelous entertainment, it pisses all over Family Guy now.

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How many cars have you owned, which lasted longest? About 7, my 1989 Volvo 740 was the best in terms of reliability & I sold it locally. I still see it around and it still looks good.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who or what is the biggest inspiration in your life? Guy Fawkes.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is most likely to happen when a police officer meets a street prostitute? She will eat his doughnuts.

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I get an uncontrollable urge to rape n bash grannies - am i normal? Heavens above, you are offensive. Keep up the good work brother.(+5 to you)

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What friends don't you want your pets to make? Untrustworthy butchers, Koreans & anybody French.

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Have you ever met someone briefly that had a lasting impression on you? The bad man who wanted me to come see his puppies, when I was six.

| 2 people like this

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What do you think of porn? It`s marvelous, Let`s hear it for porn!

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If you farted in a public place & someone looked at you accusingly would you own up or blame someone else! The best thing to do, is to divert attention from the far in question.Say by rubbing ones nips & licking ones lips, and saying "You looking for business duckie?"

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You have to fight for your right to__________? Shite.

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Answer to:
What book can you not put down at the moment? The Gary Glitter 1974 Annual.

| 1 person likes this

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DO you like reality shows, or do they annoy you? If you like them, which do you watch? Dire mind numbing cheap television, that sadly rakes in lots & lots of money.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
If it were legal i would_________? Take my electric sander & sand down Sarah Jessica Parkers Horse face.

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Answer to:
Under what criteria would you accept a friends request on AB? They were just as sick n stupid as me.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What will be the next dominant species on Earth? Simon Cowell

| 1 person likes this

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If you could have any famous people for neighbours. Who would you choose & why? Patrick swayze & Natasha Richardson, as they are both dead. They would be nice & quiet.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is paranormal activity a good movie It`s o.k, sort of average. To be honest there is only one good scare in it.

Answer to:
Can you think of any additional things to add to ranch salad dressing in order to make it taste different? Chili flakes

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Answer to:
What are your favourite things about being single and being in a relationship? When single, I enjoy doing what the hell I like without being questioned. When I`m in a relationship I enjoy the cuddles & the laughs.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What would be a bad name, for a travel agency? The Somali Pirate Travel co.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What would be a polite way of telling your date that he / she is exuding an unhygienic odor? Have you left your trapdoor open?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What's your favourite type of tree? The Whitebeam or The Aspen.

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What is your view of a 11 year old girl dating a 65 year old man? How about 7 and 43? 12 and 86? 13 and 109? Well I`m 40 & my girlfriend is a 7 year old Labrador, which in human years would be 49. So I`m ok and the people you mention are filthy deviant perverts.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who is your comical alter ego? Richard Simmons,

| 2 people like this

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Can cute things ever be dangerous? A Polar bear or a Tiger can.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What are other ways for you to tell me youre going to the toilet? Off for a Tam White Need to go for a single fish Going to park my breakfast dropping a dead otter

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is something that nobody would actually collect? Vomit or used embalming fluid.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something that you have no doubt about? Beer is good

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Im going to pinch you, you cant talk me out of it but lll allow you to decide where I pinch you... well? where? My hairy moob.

| 1 person likes this

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Have you ever known a woman named "Bambi"? Nope, but my missus. Has a friend called `Bunny`

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Rum & Raisin! yum-tastic.

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What's your favourite alcoholic beverage? Beer beer & more beer with a side order of beer

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When I say, you are very s e x y, you say ______? Stop it Mother!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Would you continue to love someone if s/he is lukewarm towards you? I only stop once the restraining order starts.

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Is Kim Jong il wonely? He needs to get together with that Iranian president.

| 2 people like this

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Should AB change it's name? If so to what? Hot Lesbo action

Answer to:
If a picture paints a thousand words then why oh why____________? Are there porn novels.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What would have been considered 'fast food' 100 years ago? A roadrunner

| 1 person likes this

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When you've thought of a really good question do you type it faster than normal in anticipation of the answers that may follow? No, I usually type slowly with one hand, I`m too busy wanking with the other.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you rikey Rucy Riu? She wuv me long time, only five dolla.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
When are you most worried about being questioned? Just before I bury the body.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What was the first song you listened to today? Big A little A, by Crass.

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Some friends of mine are starting a band. They're having trouble finding a name they reallly like. Any suggestions? Crispy Ambulance.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Whats one thing you would never wear . The fur of an endangered animal.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What do you do for fun when you are bored? Housework.

Answer to:
Why do some ppl like to constantly like to whined up other ppl It could be for a feeling of power & control.

Answer to:
Crunch, I just stepped on a ...........? Landmine

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is your wifes or husbands most annoying or weird habit? Nagging me to wash my hands every 15 minutes.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
To give hard cold porno to a friend without saying gudby or thanks seems right ? or really really dumb? I like your style!

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Fill in the blanks. ______ right here,right now, on this/these_______! Fart.....................Small children

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something that you always wanted to do, but don't think you ever will? Always fancied getting into the water with a Great White Shark. (from the safety of a shark cage of course)

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
In one word, what is the thing that you love most? Beer

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What is the stupidest question anyone has ever asked on AB? Was Jesus a lesbian?

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Is Miley Cyrus the next Britney Spears? I hope so, it would be very funny if she also went nuts and shaved her head.

Answer to:
Do you believe in the one big sign, the doublewide shine on the bootheels of your prime/ If you don't like religion you can be the antichrist If your tired of politics you can be an anarchist

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Answer to:
Is this short cartoon, A) Sick and wrong B) Very funny D) Strangely arousing E) A clever observation of modern workplace relationships. oops, here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA-G67BSb9Y&feature=PlayList&p=55A16F27ACBB2A8B&index=4

Answer to:
Your eyes are as blue as what? The movies we watch

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Would you watch a televised cabinet meeting? Nope, can`t think of anything duller. Even if they were debating whether or not to hang me, still could not sit through it.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
...now what? The Invasion of France will begin!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is a good start up business that wil most likely succeed? Pimpin

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Whats your rank showing in your pofile right now? Poofter

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
How i sattle my money problum Get a cure for your Dyslexia

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I was just pleasuring myself and thinking of you. That's right: YOU. How does that make you feel? Not too shabby, I was thinking about your momma.

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Hey girls do you go commando in jeans That could be painful, if you have excessive `Hanging bacon` & you pull the zip up quickly.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is your best way you "relax" Watching old B movies.(with a few light ales)

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If you wrote your autobiography right now, what would the title be? Who is this arsehole?

| 1 person likes this

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For a brief few days i have had a slight bit more comfidence then the usual bugger all i have recents events may seem to rip it all away again any tips on how to remain optimistic no matter what happens Beer Kebabs & porn work for me, as does selective hearing when the missus is going off on one.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What comes to mind when I say "Halloween"? Jamie Curtis`s body, hmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmmmm

| 1 person likes this

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I`m an 18 year old blonde Dutch exchange student majoring in Cheer-leading. I like going out to restaurants, meeting new people , the cinema & throwing my own dung at strangers. Why can`t I get a boyfriend? To the person who -5 me, do yourself a favour get a life a sense of humour or a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Answer to:
Whatever happened to Lord Lucan? They never went away, Lord Lucan took over from Freddie Mercury. Shergar took over from Camila Parker Bowles.

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Is it ok to whack off at work ? i think my coworkers know i do it.they all look me funny every time i come out of the bathroom Do your co-workers look at you funnily, because you have not put `the old fella` back in your pants?

| 2 people like this

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Do you know anybody in your family lived over 90? My great uncle Jock, was an alcoholic street fighting tobacco chewing lunatic. He also had both his legs taken off, he lived to be 96. They breed em tough here.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What might you find in a hair salon? Some (very nice) gay men

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What countries "accent" do you like the best? I love the Martian guy from the old Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck cartoons. (the fella with the Roman helmet on)

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If you had any super power to kill or harm pedophiles which one would you choose Not a super power, but I would have medical experiments performed on them. To advance science & make their sick lives of some benefit to the human race.

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What would you do if you saw a zombie in a restaurant? If it was a cute she zombie and freshly dead, I would make a move on the bitch.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
One of these days I'm going to..................you? Clone

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Answer to:
Is there something that you'd like to promise someone? Pregnancy

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Easy ways for a 14 -15 year olds to lose weight? Run away from Gary Glitter.

Answer to:
What is the hardest question that humans have not answered yet? Who farted?

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is fragile? A mans ego.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who is the most successful horse trainer of all time? Roy Rodgers, he could make that bitch talk.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What do you think my name is? Horatio Tiddletwanger Von Naughtyballs Le Furburger 111

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Whats your middle initial? V (Vallance) My mothers maiden name.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I want to hold a street party, when Margaret Thatcher dies. Would you like to come? C`mon someone else must hate the old bag.

Answer to:
I was worndering how feminize myself. Breasts, Etc. I am a crossdresser I could sell you my moobs, as the wife hates them. You may have to shave them though.

Answer to:
If you could be an anti-hero...what would your name be? The Freedom Rapist.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What do Margaret Thatcher, Mel Gibson and William Shakespeare have in common? They are all overrated Twats.

Answer to:
Is The Lion King the only movie that doesn't have a single human in it? Disneys Dinosaur, was another.

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What are the traditional American beliefs regarding menstruation? Don`t know about America. But here they would probably make a savoury pudding from the blood.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Im embarrased to admit but I love to ______ Can you fill in the gap? Strangle Yorkshire Terriers.

Answer to:
Who sat under the sycamore tree in the bibel Mickey Rooney.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you have any weird phobias? I can't sit on warm seats! Needles, it`s not that weird I suppose. But it can be quite tricky when you have to give a blood sample, and you turn red start to shake and then faint.

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What are the best and worst things about cellphones? I loathe those electronic leashes with a passion. Mrs Neilychops insists I take mine everywhere.(in case of emergencies) What did we do in the age before crappy cell phones? I see no benefit in them, other than making the phone companies a lot of cash.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What does it mean when a girl tells you on the first date that "you are a gentleman".!? It means she does not find you sexually attractive.

Answer to:
Can you name something yellow? Jackie Chan

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is the worst mistake a police officer can make? Shooting at an escaping criminal and hitting a child.

Answer to:
What's your favorite scary movie? Night of the Demon. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050766/ An oldie but a goodie.

Answer to:
How do annoy a scottish person? Use improper grammar?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Should Scotland separate from Britain and become an independent nation? Aye, Taxi for Scotland!

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What is the first letter of the state or country where you live? X (marks the spot)

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
? !

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Answer to:
I wish I had a bottle of ________________(?) Water from the fountain of youth.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Which is cuter, a puppy or a bear? Hard to say, as I would be shagging either of them from behind.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I need to make £225k tell me how to do it in as little time as possible? Sell most of your body parts.

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Do you enjoy being a childish cretin? (I know I do) Some arse enjoys downrating -5 .

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Do you know of a good homemade deterrant for spiders? I do not want to kill them. Luckily here in Scotland, we don`t have any poisonous spiders. So I let them run free as they keep the fly numbers down. Perhaps you could encourage Geckos or some other spider predator into the house. I know you don`t want them killed, but a predator may deter them from entering.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who described the UK's decision to join the US invasion of Iraq as "in the British national economic interest"? That was Benny Hill.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who, commenting on the deaths of more than half a million children, said "I think that this is a very hard choice, but the price - we think the price is worth it"? Sounds like something George w Bush would say.

| 2 people like this

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Which American politician said the "introduction of nuclear power will both provide for the growing needs of Iran's economy and free remaining oil reserves for export or conversion to petrochemicals"? Was it big Arnie?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Have you ever suffered the wrath of a ginger woman? Surprisingly no, given that I live in the land of the gingers. And I have a habit of saying inappropriate things at the drop of a hat.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How well hung is Scooby Doo? oooh downrating, from the arseholes of this site, I`m scared.

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
In your opinion which is the best Sleeping bag.. Gore-Tex or LL Bean? Brittney Spears, cheap, warm & disposable.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How would you feel if one of the Bee Gees took a crap in your sink? ok, how would you feel if Patrick Swayze`s ghost launched a nuclear attack on Walt Disney`s cryogenicly frozen head.

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What are tale tale signs your guy is a jerk Spending all his time asking bizarre & vaguely insulting question on answerbag.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
When i download a movie torrent..most of the time the video doesn't show but i can hear the audio..is this from the torrent or sum setting i cn change? How terrible, you do know downloading movies is wrong. You should of course steal them & then take a dump on the sales assistant.

Answer to:
I live along the road from a girl who appears to have a boyfriend. One day I saw her near the chemists. Is there a chance that she might be pregnant? I think she is buying lots and lots of contraceptives as she is a horny little tramp.

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What`s the best use for a dead kitten? And so the downrating begins......

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How about the dutch= Their cheese & beer is very good, but I hear they have some fearsome dykes.

Answer to:
Lady Gaga, your thoughts? Big nose, nice tits.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Never Turn Your Back On ....................? The French

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Name something that is black. Barrack Obama

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What's an example of an inexpensive romantic suprise for a woman? Not farting in bed.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What shouldn't you do on a golf course? Drop an atomic bomb on the clubhouse.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Does the thought of an eccentic, accented man yellings "BABOONS!" make you laugh, as does I? It arouses me more than amuses me.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Who would make a good guest presenter on Have I Got News For You? What about Alexander the Russian meerkat or Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire ripper. My top choice would be Peter Mandelsons freshly severed head atop a quartering pole.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What would be a gift that you wouldn't bother to wrap? A thrown grenade.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis which is better for erectile dysfunction? Try porn, it gets me harder than Nuclear physics.

Answer to:
If the US and China fell apart, which country would be the next superpower? Narnia or Possibly Middle Earth.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Do you enjoy having wet armpits? I would only enjoy wet armpits, if Sandra Bullock was pissing on them.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How has Ron Jeremy's prominence in the entertainment industry affected US/Italian diplomatic relations? Ron has helped push Salami sales up through the roof. By desperate men seeking to emulate him by buying a meaty add-on.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is it against the law to wear a thong to a cathedral? Only the priest, is allowed to wear a thong. & then only if he is 70+ years of age. After the service the thong is then placed in the same vat as the communion wine.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do your nipples have satellites? Mine have space stations. I can also see there is a large ring around Uranus.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are you silly? Way beyond that, I`m sorry to say.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you agree or disagree that Yoko Ono sounds like a dying cat when she sings? She also looks like that girl from `The Ring` and has about as much charm.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you think we should harvest the fat off of obese people and use it as fuel? That`s a great idea, we could also pump some of it into anorexic people.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Are pets worth the mess? Only if you are fattening them up for something.....

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I need to take old pint from an interior concrete floor and do not want to use muriactic acid. can some tell me about how to use phosphoric acid? Juggle fishsticks with added glue and Brazil nuts, then place interior Plymouth into gas oven. Don`t forget to wizzle the rotating knives.

Answer to:
What is the most difficult task in the world? keeping a woman happy.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Words that sound dirty but aren't: Can you add to this list? cumquat Netherlands garden hoe Orel Hershiser crotchety Fizzle, Prattle, Quench, moist, Slobber.

| 2 people like this

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Why do so many parents get upset when their children do not want to follow in their footsteps? Well my father drowned in quicksand, I have no intention of following in his footsteps.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Just one drop of Jesus blood washed my sins away-do you believe this? Do you have access to a time machine? How else did you get your hands on MrChrist`s blood?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What were the last words of Christ? Was it something like `Oh father why have you forsaken me`

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Answer to:
Are all Star Trek fans Virgins? Woo-hoo my first -4 rating. (I think a virgin star trek fan with no sense of humour found the question)

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If your girlfriend has a brain cancer and she asked you to break up with her. What would you do? Stay with her & make sure you benefit from her life insurance.

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When you're having a rough day, what would you like someone to do for you to brighten your spirits? Set fire to my co-workers.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If you met Paris Hilton, what would you like to do with her? Stick a live Tiger up her arse.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What should you never say to your in-laws? Fancy a threesome?

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
Do you have an annoying neighbor? My neighbor would say yes!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the dummest question you have seen on AB today Possibly any one of mine.

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
Would you think that im stupid, if I told you that im in special ed? I too have been in Special ED, honestly he is SUCH a SLUT!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
I do not have a car or license, but I have a job and money:) I am going to get a girlfriend, well, I would like a girlfriend. How do I do this? Thank you All:) Get one of those mail order brides from Ukraine or Thailand, they don`t care if you can`t drive. Although be careful of the Thai brides as many of them are Ladyboys. Good Luck!

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If you could marry any person in the world, then who would you marry? Incredibly rich mute terminally ill nymphomaniac.

Answer to:
What would happen if a man took an abortifacient? A massive deadly `Shart` would ensue.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What's up with all the "Imagine" worship? John Lennon has written far better, more intelligent songs. My personal fave is `Working class hero`. The video for `Imagine` has way too much Yoko Ono in it. She always reminds me of that child in the `Ring` movies, except Yoko is scarier.

| 1 person likes this

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Say you fart during work (in an office full of cubicles), what is the best way to not get caught? Turn on a desktop fan.

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Do you think it is wrong for parents to enter their children in a Beauty Pageant? I think it`s wrong for parents to enter their children, at any time.

| 3 people like this

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What is God's greatest gift to all of humanity? Porn & beer

| 1 person likes this

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Know your Bible? What color was Jesus's hair? The same as his pubes.

| 4 people like this

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Why must I cry? (2009-10-06) You stroked your pigeon to death.

| 5 people like this

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Would you hump a shaved monkey? Yet more downrating from the arseholes of this world.

| 1 person likes this

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How does one dance like a sex offender? Watch a Michael Jackson video & simply copy.

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If you are required to bring a toy to a party, what will you bring? A rampant rabbit.

| 1 person likes this

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How to kill a bear in close quarters. I know how to stand tall, speak forcefully without yelling, appear large, never lose sight of the bear without looking into its eyes directly and challenging it, and I know to stand your ground. But if this fails... Show it a picture of Timothy Treadwell, the bear may feel deep pangs of guilt. Hug you gently and sadly lumber away.....Or it may bite your face off, tear you to pieces and hump your remains.

| 3 people like this

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What is the best ways to relax and reduce stress? Masturbation

| 2 people like this

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Which sins are forgivable by the Pope? Being a member of the `Hitler youth`

| 1 person likes this

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Are you a happy person? or a sad person? Happily F`ken nutz!

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What's something YOU should never eat too close to bed time? Cocaine.

| 1 person likes this

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What kind of humor do you enjoy? Surreal & clever or if I`m honest a little bit sick as well. George Carlin & Eddie Izzard are both top notch comedians in my book.

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I have found a lot of she-male porn hidden at my boyfriends house should i be concerned? Lot`s of straight guys have a shemale fetish, it is probably just a fantasy of his.

| 1 person likes this

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Can I stroke your pigeon? No, as you have been too busy choking your chicken!

| 1 person likes this

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A recent study showed that religious people are happier than non religious people, do you agree with that? why? Ahhh, but religion. It`s all a load of old wank isn`t it,

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What gives garlic it's distinctive aroma? It`s all that French sweat.

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After your Girlfriend dumps you, what is a good wat to win them back? Hold her parents hostage, with explosives tied to them. She don`t wanna come back then...kaboom!

| 1 person likes this

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What is the one question that you should never ask a customer? Can I pooh on you?

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Sorry, i forgot to give back your ______________? Virginity

| 1 person likes this

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What turns you off? Women who die on me.

| 1 person likes this

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What's the sexiest thing you've done with cheese? Washed my arse with it.

| 1 person likes this

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When is a dog more than just a dog? When it`s roadkill.

| 1 person likes this

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What is 'rub the chicken' a euphemism for? Killing your next door neighbour, with a spade.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you ever get the impression that pigeons are perpetually listening to Rick James? The pigeons here love to groove to Black Sabbath.

| 1 person likes this

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How much would it take to get you to lick a year old dried poo, that had been kept in a sterile, dry environment, and was known to be "clean." As much as I could possibly get, but between you and me I would do it for £300.

| 4 people like this

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What would you do if a kid walk up to you and punch you in the stomach? Rip his face off

| 1 person likes this

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What was the most embarrassing thing you said in high school? `I shagged your momma`, to the retiring headmaster.

| 1 person likes this

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What's your fav type of condom? One that shall not burst.

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Have you ever been called a bastard by a bastard? A bitch by a bitch? I have been called a pervert by a pervert. which is fair enough as I am a pervert.

| 1 person likes this

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What's your favourite Frank Zappa song? The `valley girl` song he did with his daughter.

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Why are there a lot of foreign doctors in the UK? Will a similar thing happen in the US? I yearn for the day when we have a lot of alien doctors on the earth.

| 1 person likes this

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What do you think robots should be used for? Wiping your arse & love slaves.

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Whats better to do alone? Murder (no witnesses)

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How did Michael Jackson die ? I haven't heard a thing ! He was raped to death by his chimp.

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Was Jesus a lesbian? Let`s see how far below zero this one goes.

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Chocolate Covered __________? Kittens, a crunchy cute treat.

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What do you hate the most, about where you live? The neighbours noisy child.

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What would you like to stare at? A naked Sandra Bullock

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What's a song would you never expect to hear at funeral? `Stone dead forever` by Motorhead

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My friend has a problem with her computer, whatever program or file she tries to open, opens in quicktime, even itunes opens quicktime, i dont know what to suggest, could you offer me some tips please? Uninstall quicktime, install quicktime alternative. It is smaller and should not attempt to take over the p.c

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What do you think of the word 'Negro'? It makes me think of black Lego.

| 1 person likes this

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What do you think of this sculpture? http://failblog.org/2009/09/08/statue-fail-6/ Interesting piece, is it by the artist Betty Swallocks?

| 1 person likes this

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Whats a bad way to get rid of a dead pet fish? Use it as a condom & leave it inside your partner.

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If I were your daughter what would you name me, seriously? Malorie, love that name.

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If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you are driving fast enough it becomes Katty-splatty.

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What comes to mind when i say "Freak Show" Organized religion.

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What is your favourite cheese? Any of the variates made made from Ewes milk are lovely.

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Other than people, what do you consider to be the best land predator? Spiders, due to sheer numbers. Also The web weaving spiders just have to wait around and eventually dinner comes to them.

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What is bigger than god or the universe? My wife`s arse.

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What should the greatest goal for human kind be? Colonizing another planet and making a better job of it, than we have here.

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What makes man attactive? Farting in public.

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Has anyone ever been a nun? Julie Andrews has.

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What's your favoite way of preparing and eating eggs? Scrambled, poached, hard boiled, fried, or "other?" Fertilized.. Baby!

| 1 person likes this

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At what age did you learn "gay" means more than being happy? When the priest showed me his special `Jesus Stick`

| 1 person likes this

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What is bigger than god or the universe? Lucifer & his minions

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When is it NOT a good time or NOT a good place to spit? When being fitted for new glasses.

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What is behind the last planet? All the missing socks from our laundry.

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Whats something you should not do at a restaurant? Masturbate, set fire to a waiter or urinate in someones drink.

| 4 people like this

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Whats your favorite western movie? Valley of the Gwangi (1969) It has Cowboys & Dinosaurs. Therefore it is the bestest movie ever.

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How many of you think Jason Statham, is a cool actor? He seems to play much the same part in every film, I have seen him in.

| 1 person likes this

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What would you do if you woke up in the morning and hitler was asleep beside you? Sell the bugger on e-bay.

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Which historical artist once said "if necessary, I will paint with my bottom!"? It was Rolf Harris. During his arse period (1973-1978)

| 1 person likes this

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What's something that gets sprayed? My Pc monitor.

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Do you get defensive when someone says your answer is offensive? No, I feel a certain sense of pride.

| 1 person likes this

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There are 2 types of people in this world, ________ and _________. Queers and Steers

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Whats smellier than a kipper? your auntie Morag?

| 1 person likes this

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What is the first food you can remember not liking? Daddy`s gravy

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
All of you think of a random question Have you ever raped my car?

| 1 person likes this

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What is nympho? Lady Diana

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Did you sleep with your husband on the first date? No, he is hung like a field mouse.

| 1 person likes this

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What does cocaine smell like? After a lot of use, it may well smell like a rotting nose.

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I drank some mushroom tea (about a 1/4 ounce worth) about 2 hours ago, and when i went outside the lizards sang to me. Should i mix another batch of tea? Yes, You could try and see if the birds start harmonizing with the lizards.

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What is the last thing you found in your pocket? Toe nail clippings

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Why are you fat? Because I sit on a chair eating buns & answering vaguely insulting questions on Answerbag.

| 5 people like this

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Would you say this lady is pretty? She would be even prettier, if she did not smoke.

| 2 people like this

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What something you shouldn't do at church? Take a Pee in the baptismal font.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What was the names of the four horses of the acropolis I think it was the Four Horses of The Apocalypse.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is a very simple and easy-to-use program for converting an .AVI to an .MPEG? Format Factory, it`s fast and covers a lot of different formats. Best of all it`s FREE. http://www.formatoz.com/

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Do you have any pet peeves about driving? Elderly people in large powerful cars that drive them at 15mph. People not using their indicator signals, mothers double parking at the school gates. Idiot teens racing each other in built up areas.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How would you like some nice homemade deviled eggs? Mrs Neilychops sprinkles them with dried paprika, hmmmm lovely,

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What famous person do you think most people would say is not attractive looking at all? Whoopi Goldberg

| 2 people like this

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My friend's boyfriend is verbally abusive, what advice should i give her? Should she break it off? She should break it off, then ram it down his verbally abusive throat.

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What do Americans think the 2nd best country in the world is? Iraq

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What would you do if I pulled your hair? I would set fire to your tits.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you think Prawns should be able to live where they want to? Judging by the smell, I think they all chose to live in my wife's underwear.

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What's the scariest thing you've ever seen? A sexually aroused Whoopi Goldberg.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is the greatest human value you can think of? Walmart is good value.

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Is there a term for the fear of (the sound of) approaching vehicles?ph Dear sir, I get the feeling you have been banished to the penalty box.(I know the feeling) Do these twats not know most of the fun is derived from posting nonsense & offensive questions?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What's Detroit like? A freshly spanked Arse.

| 2 people like this

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Why do you think people pay attention to fads? A need to belong, I have always thought it`s people searching for who they are. Hence teens are very susceptible to fads.

| 1 person likes this

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Whats your favorite Beatles song? That is tough, so many great songs. Hmmmm have to say `In my Life`

| 1 person likes this

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What's the first thing you think of about Canada? Dirty socks

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Does anyone think demi lovato is weird looking Nope, she is a cute girl. (I had to look her up on google images, as I have no idea who she is)

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Can you correctly tell me what sort of animal my Avatar is,the one who guesses right gets my points? Is it a Brown Hare?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Who is the most attractive ts porn star Whoopi Goldberg

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Who is feeling naughty today? And what do you feel like doing? I am, I feel like making up a cock & bull story about `Weapons of mass destruction`. Then Invading a foreign country with rich oil reserves & putting in a puppet government.Then saying it`s all for the good of democracy. That would be very very naughty, but it would never happen, would it?

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Does 'virgin wool' come from unattractive sheep? Suppose it must, but this would beg the question. What the hell then is Extra Virgin olive oil??? Do olives have a sex life? Would you make sweet love to an olive?

| 2 people like this

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Should the Japanese stop dolphin hunting? Absolutely, naughty Japs!

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is the best business to start A war in the Middle East.

| 1 person likes this

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What should you never say/do whilst supervising a learner driver? Let`s get drunk!

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is the price of a bottle of scotch? Eventually, your liver.

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Where is the best place in brisbane to buy drugs (weed,e,ice,ect) Try Skippys marsupial pouch.

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Men, do you find it distracting how girls show so much skin these days? Should it be covered? Yes it should be covered up. The amount of times I have nearly crashed my car. By sticking my head out of the window & shouting `Yowsa!` or `Woof Woof` & `Look at the mangos on that mamma`.

| 5 people like this

Answer to:
Do you like yodelling? Yes, I love all the popular Swiss pastimes. Such as Yodeling, cheese juggling & mountain goat molestation.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the meaning of life to an Atheist? Porn, Beer, pizza.

| 4 people like this

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Any tips for hiring an au pair or nanny? She must be ugly and good with kids, have you tried getting Whoopi Goldberg?

| 1 person likes this

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If England and France don't really like each then why are the two allies? It`s the sexual chemistry between them, that draws them together.

| 1 person likes this

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If you could do away with any one invention what would it be? Religon

| 1 person likes this

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Ali ima neko od nasi srba ovde? Does that translate as `Die! Infidel scum`

| 1 person likes this

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Where can I find a wiring harness diagram for a 1990 Volvo 740 GLE? Ahhh, I used to have a lovely greeny-blue Volvo 740 GLE. Why did I ever sell her??? Well to be honest I sold her because she just guzzled down fuel. Still I do miss her. I used to have a Hayness manual for the Volvo with the wiring manual, but that went with the car.

Answer to:
Whos the women of your dreams? A sexually aroused Whoopi Goldberg. (Sadly it`s a nighmare)

| 1 person likes this

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Is it weird that I am 30 and never had a Girlfriend? Think of all the nagging & slaps in the face you have missed out on, You lucky bugger.

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How do i know if she has a boyfriend? Stalk her, look through her garbage, hire a private investigator.

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Are cannibals sick? Only if the meats off.

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Highest Female male ratio Dunno, but it would be a great place for a holiday. Hell to live there though.

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If you could write only five words, what would they be? Please send me more money.

| 1 person likes this

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Is Pakistan the next in line? Why not just invade the whole world and be done with it. -Planet America-.

| 2 people like this

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How should the British government raise funds to send extra helicopters to our troops in Afghanistan? Halving M.P`s wages & expenses. Those brave lads are doing a far better job than those be-suited bullshit talkers.

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In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss. Where do Americans fit in? OR WHERE WOULD YOU PUT THEM? Invading the Arabs space?

| 3 people like this

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I recently responded to a question saying that Ann Coulter was offensive (and got down rated, might I add). Am I the only person who finds her offensive? (Let's have a real discussion without any personal attacks, please) Not being American, I don`t know a lot about Ann Coulter. So I did a little online search, she does seem to use a lot insulting & derogatory language. I wonder if she got enough attention as a child? Anyway I could not take her seriously, in the dry world of politics it is sometimes very welcome to have someone so opposed to the p.c norm. I found these quotes - After the September 11...

Answer to:
Have you ever had a yeast infection in your throat? My old dad had one in June, Until then I never knew that men could get a yest infection.

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What would you call your style, when it comes to dealing with difficult people? Angry yet weary.

| 2 people like this

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Why do dictators always wear army uniforms? (saddam, fidel castro, hitler, stalin etc) They have shot all the tailors?

| 3 people like this

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What smell nearly gags you? other peoples vomit.

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Can you name one of the five major crops? Giant Beanstalks & Crop Circles are very popular here.

| 1 person likes this

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The Scottish government says it will release Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds. Does this show society's higher standard -- he showed no compassion to 260 innocent victims -- or are the Scots showing weakness? This debate would all be needless, if the right thing had been done in the first place. I.E we had hung the bastard years ago.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is your favorite fruit? Richard Simmons

| 2 people like this

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Where do you go to meet singles? Try your local Dungeons & Dragons group, all the guys there will be single .Though not by choice.

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If you were Peter Piper what would you pick My nose.

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Have you ever had sex with a family member? No, but I have knocked one out. to a picture of my great aunt Nellie.

| 2 people like this

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Are there any European countries that have just always been lousy at football (soccer)? Luxembourg & Malta have always struggled to make an impact.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you think Angelina Jolie is ugly or pretty? She is stalkingly-supa-hot, I for one would love to give her a face like a painters radio.

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Which cartoon character would you hook up with? Betty Rubble or Leela from Futurama. Or maybe the sauce-pot that is Penelope Pittstop.

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What is the most addicting video game you have ever played? Dungeon Keeper 1 & 2, it`s good to be bad.

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What was the last DIY job you did? i have just put up a mirror Buried the wife under the patio.

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At what point in your life did you realise you were an adult? When the police wanted to charge me.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Come into my parlour said...............? Gary Glitter to Madeline McCann

| 2 people like this

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Best way to find a man? Get naked

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What feminine virtues do female prize fighters exemplify? Bitchiness & viciousness.

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Is there a term for the fear of (the sound of) approaching vehicles?ph Roadkill-aphobia

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something that should be sold in vending machines? Hookers

| 2 people like this

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Who has been irritating you lately? Madonna & her decline into a muscular old gap toothed wizard.

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How does your morning start? Sadly, it usually starts with the wife waking me up by blowing one off really loudly.

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I lost my husband just a month and half ago. I am still so lost, scared, and alone. I can't make things better, I try but nothing is the same. Home is no longer home, my kids don't like coming over its to hard for them, the 2yr granddaughter wants to I am so sorry for your loss x

Answer to:
What does Iraq still need from the United States? A justifiable reason for invading.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What might someone coach? Hookers

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What is something you do that if it was an Olympic sport you would be guaranteed the Gold Medal? Saying something really inappropriate.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Which is the most definining feature on a woman's face? Is it Bukkake?

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What would you do if Homer Simpson was your only hope? Homers not so bad, he means well. look on the bright side, It could be George W Bush who is your only hope.

| 1 person likes this

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If you could have one thing, anything, what would it be? Dead neighbours, ahhh the peace and quiet.

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What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? Told my wife she was fat.

| 2 people like this

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Would you vote for a president who isn't Christian? I wonder how many candidates pretend to be Christians just to garner approval.

| 2 people like this

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Would it bother you to be treated like a toy? Only if you tried to shove batteries up my arse.

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Did you ever have a dirty old man just follow you everywhere,like a stalker?* Yes my unwashed elderly father has to be lead around on a chain.

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Is there really such thing as witchcraft or is it all made up? It makes about as much sense as Christianity to me.

| 3 people like this

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Is France the only country in the world where the cheeses smell better than the populace? Ah, but in those sections of the U.S it`s `rustic charm` But in France the smell of something dead for 3 weeks is often accompanied by a designer dress.

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Waht is your worst fear? Being buried alive & my needle phobia. Combine those two &......rrrrrrr I can hardly type.

| 1 person likes this

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Say I'm 18. She's 15. In Texas, what would that be? In Texas at 15 she would be a milf.

| 1 person likes this

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Will God send good people to Hell, if they do not join a Church? If that is someones vision of a loving god, then I would hate to encounter a mean one.

| 1 person likes this

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Christians: Why don't christians ever just answer questions? If something is sooooo hard to explain with simple answers, shouldn't they be doubting it? You shall find your answers in porn my son. Perviticus, psalm 69 verse woo-hoo.

Answer to:
What are your favorite German girls names? Adolf, Snell & BMW

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Who else is a lil sad to see the Summer winding down? Flowers are starting to fade. I just love this time of year. Do you? Well, I really agree with you. For me it`s the thought of the long gray winter months ahead, with no flowers or bees.

| 1 person likes this

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Any silly thoughts of wisedom, before I leave this AB session? ;) Juice will be served afterwards...and if you extra silly, a wafer cookie will be tossed in. :) Does belly-button fluff taste better than toe nail jam?

| 1 person likes this

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Do you dress up, just to empress a person? I usually dress up for a blind date, although the last girl was not impressed.Her name was Barbara Bernstein & my freshly pressed SS officers uniform impressed her not one bit.

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What reminds you of "SYNTHETIC HAIR"? Fibre-optic cables.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Name the things you CANNOT sell: Flatulence, Darth Vader`s appendix, the tears of a clown, Alien blood, Dinosaur eyes.

| 2 people like this

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We all have our drug of choice, some of us drink, some eat, some smoke, whats your drug of choice? Alcohol & Toilet Duck.

| 1 person likes this

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What are 'tit biscuits'? Is it anything to do with this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eOYqR_Lz9w

| 1 person likes this

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If you could rename any country, which country would it be, and what would you name it? Holland - Drugs & Hookersville.

Answer to:
What is the most healthiest fruit? Is it Richard Simmons?

| 2 people like this

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When is the worst time to break up with someone? When you find out that they are pregnant.

| 1 person likes this

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What is a good name for a three legged dog? Lucky

| 1 person likes this

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What do you think of the queen?(britain) Rancid German parasite.

| 1 person likes this

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Is there anything more sophisticated and intelligent than the human brain? Well I would have to say there is, as some people have very little brain & no sophistication.

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What's the best way to convert an athiest to Christ? Pointing a gun to their head.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you like men who point? If it`s done in a non-threatening manner, then yes.

| 1 person likes this

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Do you feel weird masturbating in an elevator? Only if someone farted & I was trapped in there with the smell.

| 1 person likes this

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What is the best way for a parent to answer an awkward question from a child? Look at your feet & lie.

| 1 person likes this

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Why are people so stupid, I mean what makes you stupid when you think you're actually smart, but you're not....you're really just stupid? Because most don`t think things through. And are deluded about their own importance.

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What is the first thought that comes into your head when you make a mistake? I hope no one saw that.

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Is Richard Simmons still relevant? Yes! There can never be enough outrageously camp people on T.V

| 1 person likes this

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Have you ever come across any ostrich porn? I have, and I had to wipe it off before it stuck the pages together.

| 1 person likes this

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What do people in Canada eat? Each other.

| 1 person likes this

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M4 or M16? MI5, baby!

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Whats the worst thing you can say at a funeral? (To the widow) Wanna bury my stiff instead?

| 1 person likes this

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Why don't female porn stars ever cross over into the mainstream like that lady who was on "T.J. Hooker" did? Was Tracy Lords on T.J Hooker? I ask as she is the only porno flick chick I am aware of who has made the cross-over into the mainstream.

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What's a good thing to do with a dead cat? A sort of Scarecrow-Scare/cat thing. to keep the birds of your strawberries.

| 1 person likes this

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What do you need to have achieved for you to believe you had a worthwhile life? Notoriety

| 1 person likes this

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Is God the answer? Only if the question is `Which mythical being do a significant proportion of the world waste their time on?`

| 3 people like this

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Has anyone here (on Answerbag) been contacted by God directly? He tried to sell me car insurance.

| 2 people like this

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Michael Jackson's family has demanded a third autopsy on the late King of Pop's body to find the cause of death. Do you think they should just accept that he abused drugs? Yes they should accept he abused drugs & quite possibly children.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Where is a womans favorite place for a man to cum? Well in this over-populated world, the best place may be in a condom.

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Is this guy delusional? (see link) http://www.findingmygoddess.com/ Well I didn`t make it past the first paragraph, as I felt my eyes starting to melt.

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Whats the scariest movie you ever saw? David lynch`s `Eraserhead` was very disturbing, and rather scary because of that.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What do you prefer? Landing strips, brazilian, or the shaggy dog look from teh 70's? The bald `Porsche Bonnet` look kinda creeps me out as it looks a bit child-like. I sort of prefer lady-stubble.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Are you racist in any way? Against who or what and why? Not at all, I hate everyone equally.

| 2 people like this

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I WOULD LOVE TO.................? Win the lottery.

| 1 person likes this

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Are you from earth? I arrived here from Uranus.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
I say Scottish Parliament you say "________"? Alex Salmond in just a mini-kilt. Bending over and showing you his Scottish `Crown jewels`

| 4 people like this

Answer to:
What is usually white? Anyone in power (except Obama)

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What is your favourite UK regional accent? and why? :) Anything in Gaelic, as they can swear at you and it all sounds so nice and softly musical.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Do you call yourself British or English? Celtic, Scottish, European. never British. Rampant S.N.P voter here.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
What is the difference between lust and love? $50

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What Age did you start Shaving? At 67, praise Allah!

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Whats your faverite smiths song? Handsome Devil, it`s my favourite & my theme tune.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
If you like shylock demanded your pound of flesh where would you take it from My wife`s arse.

Answer to:
Look around, what is the first red object you see? The blood of the man who wronged me.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is there some place In the world youd never want to travel too? Bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Or deep inside a Volcano.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What experience could change a person's life permanently? Being imprisoned, for a crime you did not commit.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is the fastest species of shark? It`s the Mako.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the most intresting pair of socks you have ever seen? Wild Willie McDougall used to wear a pair of socks made from hollowed out Weasels.

Answer to:
What is money made out of? Illegal immigrants hair.

Answer to:
Would you share your beer this way? Tricky, I hate Guinness. But I love women.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the most common road kill where you live? Hedgehogs, it`s very sad. I like Hedgehogs.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
How much would I get for one of Michelle Obama`s used tampons on e-bay? Bring on the downraters, I don`t give a baboons testicle!

Answer to:
Does liking shemales make me gay? I dont know why, but i like shemale porn clips! Apart from that, I only like women, and dislike gays. I am not worried of BEING gay, but still want to hear your opinion! Why worry, to be perfectly honest. I would hump a barber`s shop floor.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Real or fake breasts? Natural, many breast implants just look unnatural & fake. Like flesh balloons. Although some of the more expensive boob jobs sag a little bit and are more naturally shaped.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Does your school have a uniform? If so, would you describe it? Not as such, but denim was outlawed. Strange but true.

Answer to:
What is one food that begins with the letter "B"? Biscuits

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What sounds yummy to you right now? Bacon & eggs it`s 900 am here.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is a good way to fall asleep fast (don't tell me get of the computer it doesn't work)? Get your s/o to nag you.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Whay is other name for magician? A Mage.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is greasy? The palm of many a politician.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is the toughest question that a woman can ask a man? Does my bum/ass look big in this?

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What is something that an octopus can do that a human can't? Breathe underwater.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Guys:why dont you like girls that are saving there virginity till marriage? Well I would assume she just was not into sex at all. And the prospect of a partner with a low sex drive, just does not do it for most men.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How would you react if someone told you that you "should be put down like the sick animal you are" after they learn of your lifestyle? I would defecate on their shoes, well that or cry.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
What is one thing a guy hates when hes dating a girl? Pregnancy?

Answer to:
What gets packed? Why! Fudge of course x

Answer to:
What is something best done with the lights ON? Assassination.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What would you enjoy the most if you were disgustingly rich? Convincing ladyboys and the finest drugs South America has to offer.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How do we restore politeness in our world? Carrying a gun very very visibly.

| 3 people like this

Answer to:
Can you name something you have done that made you laugh? Setting fire to the orphanage.

Answer to:
Is there a cure for blue balls? Yes, stop being a Smurf.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
How do i get rid of a death warrant Have a sex change or move to another country. Or become president of your current country.

Answer to:
Where can I buy edible panties? Any panties are edible, if you are determined enough.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
What might be an unusual pet? A wardrobe.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Where does Miley Cyrus buy her tampons? She uses her daddy`s mullet to stem the blood flow, so she has no need for tampons.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
When was the last time you masturbated? Right now as I read this...............ooooohhhhhhhhh

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Is it true that elvis presley was masturbating on the toilet when he died? Yup, poor guy was just trying to get some mayonnaise for his burger.

| 2 people like this

Answer to:
Have you ever considered masturbating into a plastic bag? No, but I have masturbated onto a spastic slag.

| 1 person likes this

Answer to:
Can I sell pubic hair on eBay? I sell my unwanted pubes along with some glue, as a `sideburn kit` to small boys.

| 1 person likes this