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by Millisnuggle on January 31st, 2012

Millisnuggle

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Help answer this question below.

How long if at all should I date a guy who doesn't want to be exclusive?

I've been seeing this guy for about two months. I'm really into him and we always have a great time together but the last time we were together I asked him if he wanted to be exclusive. He said he wasn't sure. He told me that he had feelings for me and he felt that we had a strong connection. We had a long talk and he got emotional (cried) when I talked about possibly not seeing him again. He said that he wanted to keep seeing me and was okay if I needed to set physical boundaries. He even asked if I would be willing to be friends but that he wouldn't be able to be my friend without having feelings for me but he still wants to be free to pursue other woman.

He didn't date much in his early 20s and I suspect he is trying to make up for it now (he's 28).He is currently not seeing or sleeping with anyone else but I'm afraid that despite what he says he might just not be that into me and still wants to find someone better.

My gut says he's worth waiting for at least for a little while but at the same time I feel it's idiotic to put myself in such a vounerble situation. Should I wait and see how it plays out? Should I have a time limit? Or do I not have a chance and should I just cut him out of my life and move on? Any advise would be helpful.

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Answers. 1 helpful answer below.

  • by Anonymous on February 1st, 2012

    Anonymous

    If you want him to be "exclusive" then don't date him at all. And don't be friends. Withholding sex only shows him how little you enjoy sex. Anyway if you are just having sex for him then why would you want him at all? Do not threaten any time limits - that would only make him resent you. You are no more vulnerable than he is but understand that we naturally seek to maximize a connection while he sees it as mainly restrictive. And this is the way most seem to be these days. We see ourselves through connection, men see themselves as primarily loners. Perhaps if you start seeing and having sex with and getting into other men you will feel less vulnerable but you have to be very careful because your desire will be to pair bond. But he could use that to push you away from him if it does not draw him closer to you. Again men see being alone and without restrictions as manly, but we tend to think more in terms of connection with others for ourselves.

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