Breast feed. It's a wonderful thing to do for the baby, not only because the milk is nourishing, but also because it comforts the child and enhances its bond with its mother. Apart from this, I would want my wife to breastfeed because I believe it could be good for *her*. It might change the way she looks at her body and herself as a woman. In other words, I believe breastfeeding has the potential to heal - yes, heal - a woman's self-image. Maybe it will be helpful if I briefly elaborate on my views on this matter.
So as we are all aware, in our culture, breasts are almost exclusively presented in a sexual context. Even though most of us - sadly, not all of us, but most of us - understand the purpose breasts are intended to serve, we do not typically operate on this level of understanding when we see a woman's chest. We most strongly associate breasts with sex, not the feeding of children. This is unfortunate. It's not that there's something wrong when breasts generate sexual arousal in a man, but let's be honest: everything about a woman's body generates sexual arousal to the man who wants her. If this is more true of breasts than, say, her pinky, it's because breasts are one characteristic that strongly distinguishes a woman from a man. They emphasize her femininity in a way her pinky does not. Perhaps my meaning is getting muddled here. Consider a woman's neck. It can be an exciting place to visit, no? And it can also be quite pleasing to the eye. But we are well aware that her neck does not exist for sexual pleasure. It exists to hold up her head. A healthy enjoyment of breasts would be more like this. It would entail an awareness of their function, their real raison d'etre. Even knowing that breasts are for children, however, does not really have to eliminate a man's desire for his woman, as much as it seems on the surface that it should (obviously we do not want to mix children and adult sexual desire - that would be perverse). Rather, in a certain way, a man's knowing what his woman's body can do should enhance his desire for her - or maybe it's better to say, it disciplines his desire for her, giving his desire its proper form and expression. This is because a man is drawn by the whole woman. He is drawn by the *feminine being* who makes herself a gift to him and allows him to explore her and express himself to her freely as a masculine being. And what characterizes the feminine? The capacity for maternity. If you could somehow tear a woman apart from her capacity for motherhood, what would be left of her? Is it even possible to imagine? And do you really want to imagine it? The mere thought is hellish. In short - I may as well make this personal - breasts arouse me because femininity arouses me. I am drawn erotically to the feminine - I want with my whole being to come closer to it - and the feminine is entirely characterized by its capacity for motherhood. It's not that I want a mother. I want the being who can become a mother. Her breasts accentuate her capacity for motherhood and thus her femininity and in this way provoke my erotic desire for her *as a woman*.
So: sexuality, femininity, motherhood - a unified whole. I am drawn to the whole woman.
At this point, one may reasonably ask: If you say it is okay to find breasts arousing, how can you claim there is a problem with breasts being presented almost exclusively in sexual contexts? My problem with this is that breasts themselves are not sexual. As I've already said, what is sexual (from a man's point of view) is the desire for the woman; breasts amplify this desire by reminding us that she is female. But breasts aren't sexual. Just imagine how different it would be if the only time we saw breasts was when women were breastfeeding. Imagine how healing a change that might be for us all, men and women alike. Imagine how that might change the way a man looks at a woman when she disrobes before him. Imagine how healing it might be for women to see themselves less as objects of sexual desire and more as beings capable of birthing and nourishing life. Rather than tormenting themselves over bodily insecurities they might rejoice in the good their bodies can bring society's most vulnerable people. A world in which breasts are typically presented during nursing would be a profoundly different one from our own. The inhabitants of such a world would have more respect and appreciation for their women. The women would feel better about themselves. The men would feel closer to their women. And in some mysterious way I can't explain, I believe the men would feel better about themselves, too.
When we only see women using their breasts seductively, their bodies becomes separated in our minds from the whole dynamic organism that is life. We compartmentalize: sex and breasts here, all the rest of life there. Then, when suddenly we witness a woman breastfeeding in public, we feel a little strange, as if there's something wrong. Breasts and children? That's not sexy at all! Of course not. It's also precisely the moment when breasts are beginning to serve their purpose.
Few things in life are more normal, wholesome, or pure than a child nursing directly from his mother's body. Rarely do we encounter so unmitigated a good; too bad our conditioning makes it hard for some of us to appreciate these moments. I do not mean to excoriate; I, too, am a victim of this conditioning, and I also experience a disconnect when I see a woman breastfeeding. This is a loss. Thankfully, it is not irreversible.
So this is why I want my wife to breastfeed: I want her to love herself as a woman. I am concerned that the self-image of this woman - whom I do not yet know - has already been profoundly damaged by the world in which we live. I am concerned that when she stands naked before the mirror, she is evaluating herself as a sexual object, when instead she might simply look and appreciate the goodness in the reflection. It is my hope that when she looks down and sees her baby nursing comfortably at her breast, she will begin to see her breasts, and therefore herself as a woman, in a totally different light. Whether any man likes her breasts or not won't matter; they are for her children.
May all women come to love who they are. May we all come to appreciate the totality of every human person.
Comments
Wow! That was... Exceptional!
I hope many people - both men and women - will read this and take an awful lot from it.
Thank you!
by Juice on April 3rd, 2011
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Juice. Naturally, I also hope readers will stop and consider my message.
"Pause a while, and let my counsel sway you in this case..."
- Much Ado About Nothing
by The One Cool Skanush on April 3rd, 2011