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How to Raise a Gracious Loser

Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Related Tags: child | empathy | lose | children | model
 

Instructions

  • Step 1:
    Be a model of great sportsmanship. Children learn best by example and parents can–and do–set the tone when it comes to winning and losing. This means you should not engage in taunting and boastful behavior when you win or whine and complain when you lose. While it’s okay to be proud when you win, and disappointed when you lose, using either emotion against others is unsportsmanlike.
  • Step 2:
    Allow your child to lose sometimes. If you always “let” your child win, not only are you being dishonest, but you also are not giving him any chance to practice losing graciously or to deal effectively with any disappointment, anger or sadness that he might feel.
  • Step 3:
    Model empathy. Sometimes children need reminders that when one person wins, another person loses. Remind your child to think about how other people feel when they win or lose. When your child wins, consider modeling empathy by consoling the child who lost, while remaining happy–but not boastful–about your child’s win.
  • Step 4:
    Discuss with your child how the mistakes we make often teach us the greatest lessons. You can use story telling and your own experiences to demonstrate situations where this is true.
  • Step 5:
    Have realistic expectations. Very young children, especially those ages 3 to 6 years, often develop a competitive streak. They want to push the elevator button first, race to the car and be first to finish dinner even. When they are second (or third or fourth), they often have complete meltdowns. During these tender years, it is best to support the child and model empathy. For example you could say, “I know how much you wanted to push that button first and I can tell you’re very upset.” Then, without dismissing or devaluing their emotions, you can remind them that there will be another opportunity to be first later.
  • Step 6:
    Notice when your child is gracious following a loss. Give authentic praise to your children when they lose with grace. For example, let them know that you saw them compliment the winners.

Tips & Warnings

  • Try to create as many win-win situations as possible. Help your child learn to find solutions to problems where everybody can win, if possible.

How to Raise a Gracious Loser Provided by eHow.com
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