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by Rick Hunt on October 17th, 2004

Rick Hunt

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My wife and my former best friend spent the day together recently. They both lied about it at first, then admitted it, but said they didn't have sex. Is this cheating? Can I trust her anymore?

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  • by Anonymous on October 25th, 2004

    Anonymous

    It shouldn't be considered cheating until she admits that she kissed him, or more, but I wouldn't trust her just yet. The best thing to do is sit down and talk to her and ask her what is going on, like if she feels that there are problems in your realtionship, is unhappy with the sex life, etc. Maybe she just wants a little more attention, not that her way was the right way to get it. Ask her to explain to you what happened on the day she went out with him and why she felt a need to. As your wife, if she can't sit down face to face with you and talk these things out, then there are definite issues deeper than you know of. You should be very open with her about your feelings too. I know that can be hard for guys some times, but it is very important that you both are open and know how each other feels if the relationship is to last. Then talk to your ex best friend seperately. Even though that relationship is no longer good, he should at least be able to talk to you about it with common decency. Just approach him calmly and be rational. Ask him why she went to him, or visa versa, what they talked about, etc. Deviations in their stories might be a hint to you of whether or not anything happened that they don't want to cop to. And watch their expressions as you normally would, given the relationships you should be able to some what judge whether or not they are leaving anything out. You have the right to know what is going on so ask what you feel like asking both of them. Just do it with a level head. Blowing up will only make it worse. After all the statements are collected, it will be up to you to do the weighing and to decide whether or not you can go on and trust her to be faithful. If you can't trust her at that point but still want to try, than you might consider couples counseling. It really can help and is nothing to be ashamed of. Many situations in life can be fixed with the help of a mediator. And, if that doesn't work, than my friend it might be time to just let go. Remember the old saying, "If you love something set it free, if it returns it is yours, if it doesn't then it was never meant to be." I hope that it was. Good luck.

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