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by RougeLin on July 21st, 2010

RougeLin

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I don't understand why my boyfriend won't open up to me. What should I do? (please read description!)

Recently I entered my first relationship and last weekend I was able to spend time with my boyfriend and we had an awesome time. We live about an hour away from each other so our only communication is through the phone and over the internet. Lately, he's been reluctant to speak at all and he doesn't call me anymore. Today, I noticed while looking at his profile that people were commenting about his depression. I don't understand why my boyfriend won't open up to me. We're so suppose to be great buddies and even though his problems may be a burden, I still want to hear them and help him through it. What should I do?

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  • by Meg on August 1st, 2010

    Meg

    I have had a similar experience. At first I was like you, fretting about his moods and actions (he was depressed too). It took four years for me to understand that I couldn't help him. Depression is hard to understand. While healthy people may seek support from their loved ones when they're sad, often depressed people choose to isolate themselves. I learned that the way to help my boyfriend was not to hover over him and asking about his every mood, but to give him his space and let him come to me if he needed. I know when he's in a mood when he "hibernates" for a few days. I then know to give him his time alone to figure things out. He usually calls back within a few days, and sometimes he will even choose to share his feelings with me. If he doesn't, I just don't push it. When he's depressed, I also try not to dwell on it. I'll suggest a fun activity to get his mind off it instead. As I got to know him better (it took four years!), he started to open up more and more. Remember, the worst thing you can do is crowd him.
    Hope this helps!

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