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by Anonymous on November 6th, 2009

Anonymous

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Im a strong willed, determined person who speaks my mind. I've some self esteem issues and I'm a 1st time mum. Been snapping at my partner 4 silly things lately. Negative thinking. It builds up 4 him & he hits me. Is this my fault for being a bitch?

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  • by Cyanotic Wasp on November 27th, 2009

    Cyanotic Wasp

    I'm not a professional counselor like MLee, but I do have some experience here.

    First of all, if he's hitting you, that's on him. From your own description you don't sound like the easiest person in the world to get along with, but hitting, destroying things, losing his temper for any reason: that's his issue to handle. And if he doesn't handle it, probably with strong outside help, then you should be working on an exit strategy for your own safety; men don't seem to "mellow out" on their own, in my limited experience.

    I think it's fine to be a strong-willed and determined person, and speaking one's mind is a good idea, I think ... within reasonable limits. Even I as an adult male would not want to unnecessarily provoke someone with a violent temper. I like to speak my mind, too, but I try to temper that with tact, humor and timing. And I try not to 'snap' at people except in case of emergency or extreme duress. (I know that being a first time mother can bring on both of those conditions with some regularity; I'm a father, too.)

    So it would not be fair to say that you are perfect and he is some kind of ogre, as I think you may also agree -- your wording seems to imply that. (He may be an ogre, after all, but you're no fairy princess.)

    So if you find the right therapist/s, perhaps you could both work on your issues together.

    Of the two of you, I agree that his is DEFINITELY the "case" that needs the most immediate attention and correction, without a doubt.

    Comments

    • He hasn't hit me for some time, he has however pinned me down and I could tell he wanted to hurt me but he restrained. He kneed me in the head but only lightly. All because he got a text from a Tanya and I asked who she was? He said I was accusing him of doing the wrong thing and demanded I aplologise. I felt hate for him after the way it went down. What Is your opinion of this?

      Anonymous

      by Anonymous on August 20th, 2010

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