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by MLee on November 3rd, 2009
This answer comes from my experience from counseling married couples. I think there is a fundamental problem with trying to figure out what behaviors will lead to finding a person that will love you. One problem is that we never really know what behavior is going to elicit love in a person and which will elicit something far less. Each person is different. But, what if you actually learn all the right behaviors that causes a person to fall in love with you? You will become the person your new behaviors have defined. So, how much of the real you have you lost? Do you even still like who you are? Eventually, you'll go back to being you and the love you have worked so hard to get will evaporate like frost on a sunny day.
I think the best relationships are between two people who like the other person just the way they are. Total acceptance with no expectations of changing the other person. We have to stop trying to change the other person that we are in a relationship with. If the other person changes too much, they lose themselves and they will begin to resent us for who they've become.
I like to tell people who are looking for love that love is like a butterfly, if you chase it directly, it usually flys just out of reach. But, if you sit down quietly, it will eventuall come and land on your heart. So work at liking who you are and work at just being yourself. Be open and honest about who you are from the start and don't play games or put up facades to try and impress. If you get into a relationship, don't try to change the other person. What you see (after the initial enfatuation period) is what you get. Overlook faults and only find virtues in the other person and be happy for the good things a realtionship brings.
Just my two cents. Mlee
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Comments
wow, good stuff
by frankyj on November 3rd, 2009