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by natasha tomkins on February 16th, 2006

natasha tomkins

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Why do some men buy flowers and gifts, but some don't do that at all?

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  • by neoepiphany on February 21st, 2006

    neoepiphany

    Every person has a unique way of expressing love to their partner. According to Gary Chapman, in his book "The Five Love Languages," people have 5 basic ways of expressing love. One of these ways is through Gift Giving--such as flowers, small gifts, etc.

    A man who feels loved when given gifts is more likely to give gifts to his partner. A man who expresses his love in a different way may not think about it. The problem is that you may not recognize his expressions of love for what they are. You might be longing for long-stemmed roses, and he takes your car for an oil change. Both are acts of love, but it may not be what you wanted.

    Women are more likely to see gifts as affirmations of affection than men, which is another reason why some men don't give gifts. They simply don't understand that those daisies are more than dying weeds; to some men, the desire to be given flowers or chocolate is just as odd as a desire to have concrete dumped in your living room. To them, it seems like just junk, taking up space.

    If you want your partner to bring you gifts, I've found that positive reinforcement works wonders. Mention that you'd really like some flowers, or new earrings. You can point-blank ask for these things if necessary. When he gets them for you, gush over him. Tell him how sweet and wonderful he is, how special his gift made you feel, how you love getting gifts, etc. Do something for him in return, like baking a cake or giving a massage. Repeat as necessary. In time, he'll come to recognize that small gifts make you happy.

    Comments

    • positive reinforcement doesn't work on mine. ive mentioned, "you should come by my job with flowers". or send him pictures of flowers i like. and nothing. birthday comes, and he says he was going to get me flowers but didn't have time. he'll make it up to me. um, didn't you know about my birthday for a while before it came up and you had no time to get me some???? and guess what. still no flowers. his take is, it's not his type of thing. well it's not about you (guys), it's about the female. we're the ones who want the flowers.

      chubcheeks

      by chubcheeks on November 24th, 2010

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