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by Anonymous on February 5th, 2007

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My husband is physically and emotionally abusive to me. We have kids and they do not want me to leave him. He does the abuse in front of them sometimes. Is leaving him wrong or right. Iwant what is best for my children but i do not like the abuse.

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  • by Anonymous on February 5th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Kids are too young to understand the full scope of adult problems, and they shouldn't be made to deal with them. You know you need to get out of this, and that staying with this man is NOT what's best for the children. What's best for the children is to have their mother ALIVE, which may not be the case very soon if you don't get out of this relationship RIGHT NOW. You may have to deal with some anger or resentment from the kids at first, but they will soon come to realize that life is much much happier without ol' ironhand smacking Mom around all the time. You MUST, for your sake and the sake of your children, get away from that man! Remaining in an abusive relationship is not only dangerous, it's unhealthy for the kids to witness. Do you want your kids growing up thinking it's okay to physically hurt other people when they're angry? If you have a son, do you want him to grow up to be a wifebeater like Daddy? That's what will happen if you don't break the cycle. Show your kids that you care enough about yourself and them to make a better life for all of you, away from this violence and misery.

    Comments

    • I fully agree with you and rated you up. I was going to put a similar answer but you've beaten me to it.

      Engeltje

      by Engeltje on February 27th, 2007

    • Ditto. Nicely put.

      Barcaluv

      by Barcaluv on February 27th, 2007

    • Kids dont know whats best. Its your job to make that choice. Besides... what happens when he hits the kids instead of you?

      --angel_fire--

      by --angel_fire-- on March 7th, 2007

    • Get out now and take the kids with you. Call the police for help if necessary.

      science_geek

      by science_geek on March 10th, 2007

    • Yep, that would have been my answer, too, although I would not have been able to be nearly as complete, or clear. Pts.

      Melissa

      by Melissa on March 24th, 2007

    • Very nicely answered... good advice

      Anonymous

      by Anonymous on March 24th, 2007

    • Great advice rainasky.

      Little Miss Dangerous

      by Little Miss Dangerous on March 25th, 2007

    • I'm sure the kids will understand when they are older.

      Little Miss Dangerous

      by Little Miss Dangerous on March 25th, 2007

    • Good advice.

      P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines

      by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on April 7th, 2007

    • Absolutely - it may be one of the hardest thing you ever do, but the adult needs act responsibly, not the children. Stop being victimized.

      What you are both certainly teaching to your children is:
      1. how to stick to abusive relationships and
      2. how to abuse others...

      Please, do break the cycle as soon as possible and act. Life can be soooo good... You might have forgotten.

      BeamnD

      by BeamnD on April 12th, 2007

    • I too, would have given you this advice. Why do women stay in abusive relationships? Fear. The fear of leaving is greater than the fear of being beaten again. This may sound harsh but, stop using your children for an excuse, grow up, be the adult and take care of THEM (and you) and leave RIGHT NOW. There are places you can go for help.

      sometimesknows

      by sometimesknows on April 27th, 2007

    • Doobie is 1000% right. Get out. Abusing you in front of the kids is the same thing as abusing the kids directly. Both sons and daughters should never, never see this. Your husband is a horrible parent and a horrible spouse. GET OUT.

      Ankhorite

      by Ankhorite on May 3rd, 2007

    • This answer is most excellent answer I've seen on answerbag yet. You covered all aspect of the issue.

      ciaobellamy

      by ciaobellamy on May 9th, 2007

    • I would suggest that she gets her husband some help. I left my abusive husband but my kids still blamed me for their unhappy childhood.(the lack of two parents in the home) The whole family needs counselling. The husband has a problem but with good guidance he might make a better husband and father. Try it, please,

      denise

      by denise on May 13th, 2007

    • Doobie said exactly what I was going to say. Get out for yourself and for your kids. And do it as soon as possible.
      Abusers don´t change denise. They are what they are and will go on abusing.

      Anonymous

      by Anonymous on June 24th, 2007

    • I totally agree. Just remember that most abused women leave their abuser several times before they leave for good. Look up domestic violence shelters in your area for a safe place to go to when you decide to leave. Make sure you have a safety plan: extra keys, clothes, important documents, money, etc hidden somewhere you can get them before you flee. In some cities there are legal aid centers that will help domestic violence survivors get divorces, orders of protection, etc. Come up with a solid plan before you leave.

      LovelyM

      by LovelyM on June 6th, 2008

    • And don't forget if you call the cops and tell them you're trying to leave, but are afraid they will send a cop out to protect you. He'll even take you to the shelter to make sure you get there safe and sound without being followed. And once there they'll help you fill out all the paper work for legal aid, restraining orders, divource, and child support and welafe plus help you find housing and child care and counciling is always available. Trust me, the cops would be more then happy to do this. They don't want to deal with the alternative.

      P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines

      by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on June 6th, 2008

    • Whats best for the kids is not being around that toxic energy. It seems like this will be best for you too. I come from a divorced family and while the time period in which the divorce occured was terrible, shortly after I realized how much of a blessing it was to no longer be abused. My mother remarried several years later and my stepfather has been more of a father to me than my Dad ever was. Don't take ANY abuse in any form! You don't deserve it, no body does!

      Dick Junkyard

      by Dick Junkyard on June 23rd, 2008

    • You need to leave, and this will teach your children that its not ok to be abused, sure they wont understand right now, but later when its important they will know why you did it, and they wont allow anyone to abuse them and think its ok!!Step up WOMAN!!dONT COWER,Show yourself and your kids how strong you really are, later they will respect you!!Have some self respect, and you should demand it!! If you dont get it, LEAVE the IGNORAMUS!Hes ignorant, and by abusing you in front of them, hes abusing them too!! Kick his butt little momma!!

      cleopatra

      by cleopatra on July 22nd, 2008

    • I totally agree .i'm 19 now, and i come from a divorced family. similarly, my family used to have same problem . at that time , i was so depressed every time when i saw my dad abused my mom. but i was too young to do anythings to stop that. several years later, i realized that i would not have a good furture if i continued living in this kind of negative atomosphere. because i vividly knew my personality was changing in bad way. Then i asked them to divorce when i was 15. actualy, i still think their divorce is good for me.

      chinryan

      by chinryan on October 17th, 2008

    • :)+

      Google a Foo Fighting COAT

      by Google a Foo Fighting COAT on December 28th, 2008

    • Hi, im only 15 but i know more than you may think, your kids witnessing Physical and Mental abuse on you can lead mental health issues not only on your kids but also on you.
      Also kids aren't really mature enough the full effect it's having on you.
      Get out of the relationship!!

      Josh_Many

      by Josh_Many on September 13th, 2009

    • My husband's father used to beat his wife (my MIL) when drunk and would verbally abuse her too. The drunken beatings stopped (child witnesses). She never left. He never changed. I guess that she either hoped he'd change, could change him or was scared to leave. Both were abusive in other ways. He more verbal (belittling, name calling etc) and she more passive aggressive (interferring in our marriage telling son what to do, saying I wasn't good enough for him). It took me 10yrs to realise that she loaded the cannon and stand well back when FIL mouthed off. A highly manipulative fat cow.

      From my experience abuse is destructive pattern that can pass down the generations.

      BREAK THE CYCLE. LEAVE NOW.

      Moon Maiden

      by Moon Maiden on August 24th, 2010

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