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by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on February 28th, 2005

Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony

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When is an adult child absolutely too old to be financially dependent on their parents?

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  • by Alonzo Garbonzo on October 27th, 2005

    Alonzo Garbonzo

    An adult child is never too old to be financially dependent on his or her parents.

    From my observation, there has been a societal change. As DD points out, "In the good ole days, the child could be expected to be out on their own and have a career by the time they were 20 at the latest!" Society still cherishes rugged individualism, but like a lot of our most exalted values, practice doesn't work out as well as the theory.

    Parents increasingly suffer pangs of "empty nest" syndrome while more children become "boomerang" kids when they can't hack it in the real world. Psychology Today explains the phenomenon of delayed adulthood: http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-2993.html

    "...young adults are returning home in increasing numbers--following graduation, the dissolution of a relationship or the loss of a job. They often live rent-free and subsidized, with no scheduled date for departure. But while much attention has been paid to live-at-home "adultescents," little has been said about their parents, many of whom are Baby Boomers who greet their boomerang kids with open arms. For a variety of emotional and demographic reasons--their desire to be close with their kids, a yearning for youth--many of today's parents (the original Peter Pan generation) just don't want their adult children to grow up."

    It's not easy being a rugged individualist today. In California, the $40,000 average salary (according the Bureau of Labor Statistics) affords you a nice bohemian lifestyle if that's your bent. Saving for a house down payment could take 50 years unless you move in with the folks and bank most of your salary.

    I grew up in an era (just after the Punic Wars), when it was considered mildly disgraceful for a young man to sponge off his parents longer than a few months after graduating high school or college. My peers couldn't wait to break free of parental domination and start earning credentials as full-fledged adults.

    We were following the example of our fathers: hard-boiled, self-made, no-nonsense breadwinners who didn't need help from anyone. They had adversity for breakfast every day during the Great Depression.

    Under my Dad's roof, by God, you did what you were told and pulled your weight! Dad wasn't your friend, he was the prison guard. Who wouldn't want to get out quick? Millions of teenagers identified with a popular song "We gotta get outa this place!"

    It was easy to be self-supporting in those days. On the equivalent of a job at McDonald's, you could have a nice bohemian lifestyle: a low-rent pad and enough groceries to last almost to payday. The last couple of days before payday, you might have to survive on economy-size cans of beans or hominy grits. It wasn't a real hardship because you were 18
    and out of the house!

    You could take in a movie or rock show for two or three bucks, or score a "lid" of pot for $5. Dope got you through times of no money better than money got you through times of no dope. http://www.freaknet.org.uk/pages01/p02/gl05.html

    You had to do without a car, but hitchhiking was almost better than a car.

    If you are a parent, chances are you will deal with boomerang kids at some point. Here are some strategies from the Pittsburg Post Gazette:

    "If they move home, charge them rent -- and set a move-out date.
    --Make your kids pay part of grad school, so that postponing work has a financial price.
    --If you're helping with rent on an apartment, establish a schedule for phasing out this subsidy.
    --To encourage saving, offer to match any house down payment."
    http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05292/591302.stm

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