by IMaNoNyMouStOo on July 5th, 2006

IMaNoNyMouStOo

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Can a relationship work if you're not attracted to your partner? Can you still be in love with him/her?

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  • by beautifullyangelic on June 19th, 2008

    beautifullyangelic

    I know exactly how you feel when it comes to not being attracted to your partner and having large difficulties trying to determine whether to stay in the relationship or not. My partner and I were together for 3.5 years previously, we were engaged for 1.5 of those years. I loved him more than anything in the world, I was also extremely attracted to him, physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally, however he broke off our relationship mid last year and I have had terrible difficulties dealing with this rejection as I really thought we would always be together, as he was my best friend, companion, lover and future husband. He was the first man I fell in love with and so I had shared so many experiences with him. During our breakup, I dated one other man whom was extremely attractive physically and sexually compared to my ex-fiance. I noticed a complete change in dating a different person altoegther. In the last 3 months, my ex-fiance and I decided to get back together and give the relatiosnhip another try, however I am struggling to stay attracted to him because I have now seen what its like to date other men. When I look at him, I see my best friend, but I am not sure if I could ever see him as a future long term partner again as I am struggling to be sexually and physically attracted to him again. He is still the same man I fell in love with, however I have become bored in the relationship and don't know how to deal with this situation, as I love him, but I have a funny feeling I am 'in love' with him. Any suggestions on how I can increase my attraction to him? Or make myself fall 'in love' again?

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    • Well said, angelic. You do an excellent job of describing the boredom and ambivalence in such a relationship. Before our very eyes, the person we loved can become a dear friend. The question is, do you need to stay in a romantic relationship to preserve the friendship?

      In your case, it sounds as if a lack of trust might be affecting your relationship. The erotic love died after he broke up with you. Maybe your unresponsiveness to him is a defense mechanism. You do not want to get too attached in case he will break your heart again. Of course, this is just an intuitive assessment. Perhaps I am wrong.

      The frustrating part of relationships is that no one can decide their outcome for us; we must decide on our own, and take a risk in the process. I hope things work out for you, one way or another.

      lonelydragon

      by lonelydragon on October 31st, 2009

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