You know, I hear this question all the time, and I always see the same exact answer: A man and a woman can't be friends without sexual desire. I'm a man, so let me give you my perspective.
To a certain degree, yes. There will be some sort of desire. Humans are sexual animals. Whether or not a person thinks about it, the natural urge for sex will start showing through eventually. The thing is, it doesn't have to interfere with the friendship. It won't interfere, unless you let it. People have the ability to suppress a primal desire like sex, or even romantic infatuation. Unfortunately it may be unhealthy for you to do so only because carrying strong feelings and being unable to get them out can really, really hurt. Take it from me, I know from personal experience.
That said, I don't beleive that ALL relationships between a man and a woman necessarily have to culminate in a 'We must have sex or we can't be friends' attitude. I can understand this if you are SINGLE...then there will be a desire. But what if you're a relationship? I'm in a wonderful relationship, and I have at least 8 other female friends...I have absolutely ZERO sexual desire for any of them. And let me tell you, a few of them are drop dead gorgeous. I'm just too devoted and committed to entertain thoughts like that because I have a very satisfying relationship in all respects. I have held torches for my friends in the past, but when my girlfriend came into my life, my love for my friends remained but the sexual desire was totally eliminated.
In all honesty, I've had a few of my female friends for many years. Some of them I have NEVER had any romantic desire for. Not because they were unattractive(which they aren't), but just because I saw them as a friend and nothing more. I know, I'm a VERY rare exception. But i'm not saying that I never had any desire for any of my friends, because I have. In two cases, it DID interrupt our relationship. With one friend, we parted ways for several years before speaking again. With another, we almost got together but ended up driving each other away for a long time before reconciling. I was single at the time of both accounts. Now that I am in a relationship, my female friends are just that: friends. They may have desire for me, but I have no desire for them. Since I can't speak for them, I can't be entirely correct in assuming that there can't be a friendship between a man and a woman without there being a sexual or romantic tension. I doubt that any of my female friends of a suppressed romantic or sexual desire for me. But if there is, it does NOT have to interfere with the friendship, and it does not have to be mutual.
I DO agree with jalex137's answer. In a relationship with strong emotional connection and trust, the potential for blossoming romance is there. Even if you don't intend for it to happen, you ma develop feelings for each other. That is always a possibility. But for the purposes of my own answer, I would like to offer my own opinion.
My verdict is this: If you are single, then it is likely, but not guaranteed, that you will have some sort of sexual or romantic tension with one of your friends. If you don't, it doesn't mean you're gay, or there's something wrong with you, or anything like that...maybe you just respect the boundaries of friendship.
If you are in relationship, you should NOT have any such desire. Unfortunately, relationships don't mean much to some people nowadays, so some people may continue to hold that torch for someone, while ignoring the needs of his/her partner.
I know this answer will get negative ratings because most people don't bother to read. They will see at the beginning that I don't entirely agree with the notion that a man and woman can't be friends without having sexual desire. This is my experience, and this is my answer. You do not automatically have to have some sort of romantic tension. I have never had such tension with some of my friends, and we're still close. The tension I've had in the past has been because of an existing attraction before we had even become friends. So my understanding is that there doesn't have to be a romantic tension if you respect the friendship. And if you are in a relationship, you jsut shouldn't have the desire at all, period. But that's more along the lines of my advice than anything else.
Comments
you were able to be honest with yourself, and therfore have boundaries, most couldn't
by Kristin on September 13th, 2005
"Oh, So Very" well stated! It's all about respect and you explained it perfectly. Thank you for taking the time!
by MyKinKStar on September 13th, 2005
i read the whole text and honnestly i completely agree
by alexia corrado on September 14th, 2005
by klassik57 on September 15th, 2005
by W-PisH on September 24th, 2005
Excellent answer - and I don't see any negative ratings.
by Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog on December 13th, 2005
Sound reasoning. Good answer/
by Jodie44 on January 31st, 2006
i'm impressed! LOL
by oregon on April 21st, 2006
Thank you for your honest and reflective answer. You may not have answered for all men but you proved there are very good men left in this world! God bless you!
by ROCKYSHERE on March 9th, 2007
I agree but i had fight with my husband because he has a female friend that he called bestfriend... What the fuck! I know that man and woman can't be friends without any sexual desire. :\ I think my husband is just a scumbag because before he cheated his ex girlfriend with his friend :\ and they both fatty. His friend he slept with is half black and fatty... Well this most happen to america that's why aids is common in and also a herpes.
by Acrana on April 30th, 2012