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by Spixxy on February 6th, 2004

Spixxy

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I cheated on my boyfriend and I want to forget about the whole thing. I think it would do no good if I told my boyfriend but I don't want to be dishonest. Should I tell him?

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  • by Jon Hart on September 7th, 2005

    Jon Hart

    I think you should tell him. My boyfriend cheated on me and I suspected it and confronted him and he lied to my face about it. It finally came out when one of my friends told me the truth, and now the trust in our relationship is seriously damaged. He, like you, felt nothing for the other person and chose to lie to protect the relationship, but once it came out, the relationship was more damaged than if he had just come clean.

    If you make it clear that it was a simple lustful mistake without any meaning to you, your boyfriend will probably be angry, but will eventually forgive you. If you lie, however, there will be a serious trust problem that you will have to deal with. In my opinion, the lying is worse than the cheating in this instance: everyone makes mistakes, even the best of us. It's how you deal with these mistakes that reveal your character: if you add lying to cheating, that isn't saying great things. Coming clean is the harder choice, but ultimately better.

    You have to remember that you are in a relationship, which means you must consider how both people in your relationship feel; if you respect your boyfriend you will tell him the truth, even if that results in him breaking up with you, it is his decision to make, not yours. You do not have the right to decide what information is relevant to the relationship without consulting him. Hope this makes sense :)

    Comments

    • very insightful answer - lying compounds the cheating, it does not make it go away

      Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog

      by Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog on October 14th, 2005

    • well said

      lasvs1

      by lasvs1 on November 10th, 2005

    • I disagree. Never tell until backed in a corner. Wh open a wound were none is needed. NEVER, NEVER TELL.

      MargaretMcGhee

      by MargaretMcGhee on December 20th, 2008

    • thats rediculous once a cheater always a cheater
      if someone cheats on me thats them out of my life i dont care how in love with him i was

      missleoladyxxxx

      by missleoladyxxxx on February 9th, 2009

    • Take it from an old, and very experienced woman: you've no idea what true deep forever love is, honey.

      MargaretMcGhee

      by MargaretMcGhee on February 10th, 2009

    • for one thing you dont know anything about my life
      i may not be very old as you are but there is such thing as morals
      and decencey and lying about somthing deep is a very bad thing i dont have to be experienced woman to know morals and values!

      missleoladyxxxx

      by missleoladyxxxx on February 12th, 2009

    • It depends on the 2 people and the level of investment those people have in the relationship, if it was a one time heat of the moment thing or an ongoing relationship. Generally speaking, I would run for the hills if I found out someone I was with was cheating. I would definitely break up and if the guy wanted me back badly enough, he would have to show me he was truly remorseful over an extended period of time...months and maybe even a year. He would have to earn back every bit of trust but at the end of the day, I don't know if I could ever overcome my mistrust of that person.

      nothingshocksme

      by nothingshocksme on October 1st, 2009

    • MargaretMcGhee if you think it is passable to cheat and then conceal it, then it is quite obvious that you have learned nothing in all your years.

      It becomes even more clear that you know ABSOLUTELY nothing about true deep forever love.

      If one really does love another, they will do absolutely everything in their power not to hurt them. This does not mean concealing things that happen. This means modulating their behaviour so things that may hurt this person they love do not happen.

      And if they do happen? Tell them. If you love them, then you owe them enough to at least let them make their mind up about this.

      To the original poster:

      If you love him, and you do things like this, you do not deserve him. But the more likely answer is that either you do not love him, or you love yourself way way more.

      Wake up to yourself.

      In what might seem a semi discordant piece of advice, I suggest breaking it off with him and not telling him what you have done.

      sammie

      by sammie on December 3rd, 2009

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