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by MOMMYG on January 1st, 2004

MOMMYG

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Should a single person with a child wait until the child is grown before starting a relationship with someone?

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  • by yoyogirl on July 11th, 2005

    yoyogirl

    Wait until your child is in their teens. My parents divorced when I was a baby and my mom remarried when I was three. She neglected me so she could spend time with her husband, and I was sexually abused by my older stepbrother and stepuncle. It was very painful to me at such a young age to have a mom who didn't seem to care about me or what happened to me, who was wrapped up in a new relationship. You brought the child into the world, he didn't ask for it, and he deserves a mother/father who is available to him, and not running around dating and getting into the drama of romantic relationships. It takes enough time and energy as it is to raise a child. When the kid is a teenager though, he will get wrapped up in his own life, hanging out with friends, etc., and then that is the time when you can start having fun too.

    On the other hand if you are the type of person who will not neglect your child when you get in a relationship, then that is not fair to your boyfriend, because you will be neglecting him. Everything just cannot be juggled. You will be pulled in all different directions, and you will just end up confused and frazzled and not be good for anyone, your child or your boyfriend. So make life easy on yourself, have a social life with a few girlfriends, but focus on being there 100% for your child. Children can never get enough love and attention from their parents, and it will pay off in the long run. You don't want your child to grow up all depressed and angry because he had a bad childhood, because then he'll be living with you forever, unable to get a job, etc. But if you nurture him now when he's little, he'll thrive and end up doing great in school, going to a good college, getting a great job, and you will look back and be able to be proud of yourself that you did such a great job with him.

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